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Space Rats

Ch3.0: Up & Down

By Kichigai Kitsune, 2019

Disclaimer:

This story contains explicit scenes of an erotic and sexual nature featuring a male, non-human, anthropomorphic "furry" character that is under the chronological age of 18. It is an erotic tale. If such material offends you, or you are not of legal age to view this material, or it is otherwise illegal for you to view this material, do not continue.

If you read beyond this disclaimer, it is your choice to do so, and it is implicit that you did so having full knowledge of the nature of the content within this document and made the choice to do so without any encouragement, and agree to take full responsibility and to hold nobody but yourself responsible for any consequences that arise. If you don't agree to these conditions, cease reading this document now.

The author does not condone, recommend or encourage any illegal actions. This story is pure fiction and fantasy. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.

Note : all explicit NSFW scenes are book-ended by [NSFW SCENE] tags. This can be used to skip (or to find again) these scenes.

Trigger Warning. This story contains scenes of war-time violence against children and civilians, and depictions of post-traumatic stress.

The sounds outside were ceaseless. Placing his paws over his ears barely muffled them, so the feline boy had long since stopped trying.

They had blended into a meaningless cacophony. Yelling. Screaming. The piercing cracks of firearms. He would flinch at every one, even as they somehow seemed to fade into the background of his awareness. Each sound an invitation to the worst of his imagination.

When the madness started, he had run home only to see it had been engulfed in a blaze of green fire. So he had put his head down and sprinted for the only refuge he had left: the school. A small structure in Samarkand's grassy nature strip, near the center of the grand colony dome. Surrounded by dense lavender hedges, vibrant flower beds, grassy quadrangles for playing, and thickets of bamboo, the building itself had only a few rooms on a single floor, mostly intended for reading and informal tutoring.

Even as the fires raged on outside, and he could smell something burning, for a short while, he was able to calm down by surrounding himself with the familiar posters, the colorful beanbags, and the tall bookshelves. He could distract himself from the meaningless chaos outside. Pretend he had not seen what he had.

To his infinite relief, he wasn't the only one who'd headed there when the Terrans stormed the airlocks. The adult tutors had headed there immediately to protect the kits; they were some of the adults with whom he'd bonded the most aside from his parents, and several of his young friends were there as well. They too had sought safety in the place they knew best outside of their own homes. Perhaps, like his, their homes were burning.

But for all of them, that delusion of sanctuary quickly vanished. The noises outside had only gotten louder, closer. And the feline boy knew, perhaps even better than the adults, what some of those sounds meant.

The two male tutors had elected to stand watch at the door and window, timorously peering out onto the smoke-filled street. The elderly jackal, Professor Daniels, normally tutored the children of the dome in physics, while the younger, broader-shouldered wolf, Professor Vadim, was their numeracy teacher. They trembled just as much as the children did, but held their post.

As the sounds outside drew closer still, the sharp cracks of gunfire coming more frequently, the feline boy retreated to the corner, huddling against the wall with his knees pulled to his chest. Vaguely staring into middle distance, he tried to pretend he was somewhere else. He sensed his biology teacher crouch by his side.

"Come over here, Mika." The savannah lady touched his shoulder.

Wordlessly, he shook his head.

"Come on, I'm going to read to everyone."

"I don't want to."

"Are you okay?"

"... I can't p-put it i-into words."

"That's alright. When you're ready, I'm going to start reading to the others now." She stood and walked across the colorful, toy-cluttered room, adjusting her gray pants and sweater.

Over by the beanbags, he saw his friends watching him, worry on their faces. He avoided their gaze and returned to staring at a point on the patterned carpet just in front of him. It was almost normal - he was the crybaby. He admitted it.

Every day, they'd come here and start the day being read to by Doctor Heidi, the infinitely patient biologist. Whether it was about recent discoveries on their snowy moon, ancient fables from storied Terra itself, or a comprehensive lesson on cell structure, they'd sit cross-legged together every morning and listen, the adult's eager, colorful audience: a young bear with beechwood fur and an insatiable curiosity; the eager lapin, as pure and white as the endless plains of frost beyond the colony's dome; the sandy fennec with ears to rival his teacher's and a wit to match; and the chocolate-brown short-haired canid girl, gentle and kind.

And, of course, the quiet cat-boy, as dark as the sky above. Huddled in the corner.

"Auntie?" murmured the canid girl, her long, drooping ears drawn back. "Is Mika okay?"

"Yes, Yanni dear, he just needs some time."

"Mika," whispered Arianne, "you're such a crybaby."

"We're all scared, Ari, don't do that."

"I know. I d-don't mean it. I'm sorry."

As if on cue, there was a drawn out explosion, like the blow of a pillow upon a mattress only many orders of magnitudes louder, muffled and bassy, literally ground-shaking. The entire classroom jumped, and Arianne screamed -- Mikael alone knew what it was. One of the invaders had unleashed another of the terrifying fire-burst weapons he'd seen before reaching his school, and undoubtedly another home was now burning with sickly green flames.

"The _shit_is that?!" groaned the young bear, clutching his ears. "What are they doing when they make that sound?"

"Don't worry about it, Poia, we're safe here, okay? And I'm sure everyone else is safe as well." The savannah sat down, holding a book. The children could see how it juddered in her paws. "W-where were we last time? Should we do a story or something else? Cameron?"

"Y-you c-could finish reading about bad arguments," squeaked the fennec boy. "From yesterday." The others mumbled in assent, clearly not caring exactly what the distraction was, so long as there was one.

The adult mumbled her thanks, tremulously flipping through the book. She never did find the page.

"They're coming here," the elderly Professor Daniels suddenly hissed, recoiling from the door. "E-everyone! What do we do?!"

"Everyone get against the back wall," growled his lupine colleague, his features set in a dire grimace. "Keep your hands up, they won't shoot. Stay calm!"

In a panicked flurry, they all retreated to the far wall, the children crouching down as low as they could. But one of them stayed put in his corner. Hugging his knees to his chest, frozen.

There was a weighty silence for moment, punctuated only by involuntary whimpers and staccato breathing - even the periodic explosions and shouts that rang throughout the colony dome ceased.

Heavy footsteps rushed to the classroom door. It burst open, the thin wood splintering easily, and the Terrans stormed into the building. Firearms raised, they screamed and shouted commands.

Clad in dark fatigues, with bulky weapons and armor, the six espatiers were nothing less than terrifying. Their every movement was of deliberate and alien violence, and full facemasks of black nylon beneath their helmets obscured their faces; they were more like the malevolent shades of the children's nightmares than other living, rational creatures.

Kicking aside everything in their path, the Terran invaders were like a vengeful meteor storm. Ignoring the panicked screams of the children, they slammed the adults bodily into the thin plaster wall, before dragging them to the ground. The eldest boy, Poai, was pulled upright, then kicked into the wall, descending to the floor with a winded gasp.

"Stay the fuck down!" screamed one of the blue-uniformed invaders, pressing his weapon straight into the prone savannah's skull. He brusquely settled himself atop the teacher's spine, driving a hard-padded knee between her shoulderblades with spiteful force. "Don't you fuckin' move."

"Aunt Heidi!" Arianne made a move as if to run to her biology teacher's aid, extending her arm reflexively. She froze instantly at a mere glance from one of the armed Terrans. "Don't - wh-why are you doing this?!"

Despite the weight of the armored male crushing her chest, the savannah managed to choke out a few words. "A-Arianne, stay down! It's okay!"

"Keep your eye on those kids," snapped one of the invaders. "These freaks don't raise them like we do. Watch them for guns."

In the corner of the room, the feline boy just whimpered, squeezing his knees closer to his chest. He had no gun, and had not the courage even if he did.

Older and braver, Poia sidled up to him, creeping along the wall, clutching at his chest. Eventually enveloping him in a firm embrace, wrapping his arms around the younger boy's shoulders. "M-Mika..."

"You stay right where you are, kid," growled one of the masked adults. "Move like that again and I'll end your ass. Stay against the wall, paws where we can see 'em."

Mikael clutching at the older boy's arm, fingers digging deep into his fur. "They're gonna shoot us." His calm voice cut through it all like a knife.

The ursine boy shook his head. "No, they're - Arianne, Arianne! They're only looking for Syndicate guys!"

"They're shooting everyone."

"Mika, stop it!"

"But they are."

One of the Terrans cried out. "Hey! This is one of them, HVT B2."

"Of course. Coward. Hiding with the kids. Go."

Two of the Terrans suddenly grabbed the frail physicist and dragged him through the door. The old jackal didn't even respond as one of his assailants drove a fist into his torso, seemingly just for the sake of it.

Alone on the other side of the room, Yanni screamed, pulling at her long ears.

"The shit are you doing?!" snarled their other male teacher, ears flat to his head. He started struggling against the weight of the espatier on his back. "Daniel! Where are you taking hi-"

A rifle-butt crashed into the crown of his head, cutting him off with a sickening crunch. Then another.

The elderly jackal was carried through the splintered door as the youngsters watched, most of them holding their breath. It happened in a surreal instant: the tutor they'd known their entire life was thrown forward with contempt like garbage to be discarded.

One of the espatiers raised his firearm, and the sharp retort rang out to reverberate off the colony dome a hundred meters above.

With a shriek, the rabbit girl sprang to her feet and sprinted towards the door, her flaxen headfur and long ears trailing behind her.

Caught off guard, the Terrans didn't react at first. Then the one kneeling on top of the savannah raised his carbine in a single motion.

This time, within the classroom's thin walls, the percussion was even louder, and the children screamed.

Arianne staggered forwards, making it only a meter or so beyond the door before sinking to her knees. A vivid red stain appeared between her shoulder-blades, blossoming throughout her linen dress like dye through sand. Fragments of white cotton danced in the air, slowly settling to the playground grass.

She gave a single gasp before she collapsed face first, trembling violently.

"Arianne!" the savannah hauled herself to her knees and started scrambling to her paws.

Seemingly on instinct, another of the espatiers raised his rifle. And a moment later there was a spray of blood across the side wall, as another frangible slug blew a hole straight through the teacher's left thigh.

And the savannah pitched forward to the floor, crashing into the reading tables and beanbags.

"Hold fire!" one of the Terrans snapped. "Stop shooting!"

There was a moment of silence as the wounded adult clawed her way to her knees. "Let me help her..." she grated. "J-just. A-Arianne!"

All six of the Terrans hesitated. Then one of them stepped forward and kicked her shoulder, knocking her onto her side. She fell over with a hoarse gasp. "Nobody fucking move! Unless you want to end up like her."

Mikael gripped the ursine boy tighter, feeling him start to rise. "No, don't."

"But Aunt Heidi-!"

"Don't make us shoot you, too, kid." A sickening snap as another rifle-butt met with the boy's face, slamming him against the wall.

The cat boy simply winced, pinching his eyes shut as he felt a spit of blood lash across his cheek.

"We're done here. Secure these little fuckers and let's go. Who has the ties?"

"Johnson does. Are we going to give medical to those two?"

"None to give, we're moving on. Take that one, the wolf. Deliver him to the boys at Point Stardust."

He had no idea where it came from. If it was related to the wave of heat he felt over his entire body. Or if it came from the metallic scent of his friend's blood, so close to his nose.

But finally the black cat boy moved.

He gently shifted the dead weight of the older boy from his shoulders, lowering the unconscious ursine to the floor. His shoulders heaving with his breath, like gravity-driven tides.

He stood, shaking with a burning rage, yet cold with unspeakable hate. Glaring at the intruders with emotions so alien to him, he didn't even have words for them.

What happened after that, he could never remember.

...

And for many years, he wouldn't understand how he survived that impotent gesture of defiance...

For many more, he would ask if he even deserved to.

[3:88 - 32433 - Tridi] sysOp@Oberon#: hfcmonitor -p -v

{pid: 14421} HFComms.Daemon - TX received. XTKey: <> Telemetry logged: sysroot.etc.log.HFCommsDaemon_log_32433 Msg content logged: sysroot.etc.coms.HFComms_32433 Msg displayed: output term vty1.1 @ 42:E1:A1:7B

<? II** -STU Oberon**>

Begin xmit: #4279204b69636869676169204b697473756e652c2032303137206f6e776172642c2068747470733a2f2f696e6b62756e6e792e6e65742f6b696368696761696b697473756e65...

***

"Mika."

A voice. Piercing the confusing parade of images and disconnected thoughts. Mental noise that I could only tell was a dream because of the sheer lack of sense.

"Mika!" Something touched me.

I jolted awake with a surge of panic. My sight filled with a brilliant whiteness, before eventually melting into a comprehensible image.

An image of Dane's concerned face looking down at me, slowly swimming into focus. His straw-colored fur was marked with dirt and grease, even around his normally white muzzle. "Are you alright?" he whispered.

Blinking owlishly, it took some more time before I could process what he'd asked me. Or even where I was. I opened my mouth to reply, but all that came of it was a choked gasp and a lick of pain in my throat, so I coughed. That hurt too, and I winced, fighting the sudden urge to vomit.

"Hey." Dane shifted closer, stroking my head. "Never mind. Don't talk. I got you water." He held a silvery pouch near my head, offering the tiny plastic straw stuck in its top. "Whenever you're ready. You were tossing about. Bad dream, I figured."

I struggled to free my paw from under the bunk covers, fighting with the elasticated sheet designed to keep you in place when sleeping in zero-gee, to feel gingerly at my throat. It felt thick and painful, and just touching the outside felt like I was prodding an open wound. "Wh-what-?" I croaked. "Khnht...?"

"It's alright." I felt Dane's weight settle onto the bed as he sat beside me. I could tell we weren't moving at full thrust yet, the adult dingo's weight barely sank into the foam mattress. One of those things you pick up when you've been a spacer for awhile. "Your throat's swollen up, that's all. Have some water."

"H-urts." I propped myself up, which took a lot more effort than it should in micro-gravity. Biting down on the straw, I sucked as best as I could. The cool liquid stung as it went down, and I managed no more than a mouthful.

"I know." Dane swore darkly.

I coughed a few more times, clutching at my neck. With a despairing groan, I collapsed to my back again.

"Just rest, kitten." I felt his nose touch mine for a brief second. I could see only the blurry shape of his snout, my eyes stinging now as well. "I'm just catching you up on what's going on. You've just focus on resting up."

I managed a nod. It wasn't like I had a choice, really. I felt so exhausted I could barely move, and by now my neck felt like a cable had been tightened around it. It felt like I was still being choked, even now.

Once again, I realized how lucky I'd been. Weiss had probably been moments from squeezing the life out of me, or permanently damaging something. The thought made me numb.

It was surreal to think it was so recent. Probably not even more than an hour ago, depending on how long I'd slept.

"Niklas is bringing us into an encounter with Iapetus, since that jackal jackass got us so off-course we were on an exit trajectory." Dane kept his voice quiet and steady. "We're going to hard-burn secondary engines at periapsis, save some delta as we swing back around to the inner moons."

I frowned. That made no sense. We'd just refueled. Why would we bother with such a maneuver when we could just point-and-shoot back on course with our main engines? Especially given how inefficient the secondaries were.

"Jin's orders." Dane looked across the cramped crew quarters. I tilted my head to follow his gaze. "We're to conserve the main engines. Guess we have a long burn somewhere far out after this."

At the opposite side of the quarters from the spinal ladder, with the privacy partition removed, I saw Jin was secured in a bunk much as I was, the sleep-sack holding him in place. His head was swaddled in blood-stained bandages, and he wasn't moving.

"H-he okay?" I rasped, instinctively trying to sit up again.

A large paw on my chest pushed me back. "He's fine. Chief is up on the bridge, we're keeping an eye on him. You stay still. Give it a bit more time, Mika. Nothing you can do right now to help."

I swore silently.

"Even like this, we'll be in Enceladean orbit in less than a cycle. Gonna take this time to figure out what the shit is going on, and if that guy did any damage to our systems." His amber eyes bored into mine. "We're taking a shuttle down once we get there. We're getting medical care for Jin, Chief. The Terran doc. And you."

I shook my head. "D-don't want..."

"Sorry. Again, Captain's orders." He stroked my head, slowly tousling my headfur. It continued to wave and shift once he stopped, unrestrained by gravity. "And I ain't risking any damage to you.

"You've done your part." Dane pushed off from the thin foam bunk, drifting ceilingward. "You were fucking amazing. Now just rest and let us do our part. We'll need you again too soon as it is."

"Yeah right," I managed to croak. I shot him a half smile and propped myself up on my elbows. In only a second or so it started to become an effort.

There was absolutely nothing I could do right now. Taking a deep breath would probably feel like drinking pure red acid.

Still, I lifted my paw and jabbed it at the silvery bag in Dane's.

He grinned and tossed it at my way.

The container lazily drifted toward me. Hardly the most difficult catch. Still, I was too slow, and the foil bag struck me straight on the nose with a moist squelch.

Somehow, Dane's bark of laughter didn't set me off too. I just grinned like an idiot.

"Nice." With a smirk, the dingo kicked his legs to send him upwards, then tumbled mid-air to kick off the ceiling dramatically, flinging himself towards the spinal ladder. "I'll see you soon. If I see you outta those sheets in the next hour, I really will spank you."

"Oh," I wheezed, not caring how much this hurt to say. "W-would you really?"

"Oh, stop."

***

I don't know when I woke up, how long I was asleep for but I was grateful the dreams didn't return after Dane left me. Still, all of a sudden I found myself awake, alert. Looking around the dimly lit crew quarters.

They were still seemingly empty, save for the motionless, covered mass of Jin-Wei some few meters away, secured to the bunk by his tight sheets. The lights had been dimmed and shifted to a ruddy red shade to promote sleep. For nobody to be asleep here with us was unusual, every one of the bunks between us and to the sides was empty; everyone was probably still doing damage control.

I took a steady breath, testing how hard I could inhale before it felt like I was swallowing razor-blades. Not very, and exhaling wasn't much better, but I figured that'd do. I had to get up.

Fatigued or not, I felt the need to find the others. Find somebody. The quarters were eerily quiet, nobody else was in the dimly lit room aside from myself and Jin... and he still wasn't moving. I could barely hear movement on the other decks, and the familiar growl of the main engines was absent. Even the gentle rumble of the reactor was muffled and faint.

With some effort, I fought my way free of the tight sheets. The sheets were partially sacks, sewn into the foam bunks except for the elasticated top, and I struggled much more than usual as I slipped myself out from under them.

To my surprise, I was nude. Likely, Dane had removed my new clothes before sticking me in the sleep-sack. I hadn't even noticed.

I looked around as I floated there. My clothes were nowhere to be seen, but I belatedly realized I was in Dane's usual bunk. I gripped the sleep-sack with my toes and pulled myself down to floor level. Reaching beneath the bunk's metal frame, I took hold of Dane's sliding locker.

Dane didn't have many clothes, though he did have more than I did, and he'd always let me borrow them before. I took his exercise shorts, the ones with the drawstring waist that I could actually get to stay on my hips, though only just. On him, they revealed most of his legs. When I finally got them tightened as firmly as I could, they were just over my knees and sat just above the crease of my backside, threatening to slip off from the slightest movement.

But I didn't care. I was more concerned about Jin. I pushed off the bunk towards the motionless lump of blue sheets and white, bloodied bandages, stopping myself by colliding with the wall above the bunk. "Jin?" I croaked. No reply.

He wasn't totally covered by the sheets or the wrappings around his head. I could see the distinctive orange-and-white fur of his neck, flecked with dried blood. He never reacted to my voice, only the soft murmur of his breath told me he was even still alive.

Without thinking, I reached down to touch him. To shake him awake. I snatched my paw back at the last second, the instant I felt the warmth of his body at my fingertips.

Instead, I just watched his chest rise and fall.

All sorts of questions that I didn't want to ask myself, emotions I didn't want to process, surged through me.

I needed to be around somebody. Anybody. Being alone with my thoughts was the last thing I wanted. I didn't want to think about what happened, or what it might mean.

With a throat-raking cough, I pushed off towards the spinal ladder. Jin needed to rest even more than I did.

He'd definitely be fine with a little rest. If I was up and moving around already, he'd not be far behind. Right?

The hatch was closed at both the ceiling and floor. The others definitely didn't want to disturb us. I didn't want to head to the command deck, anywhere but there, so I settled to the floor and started slowly turning the wheel to release the hatch. Maybe there'd be somebody in cargo.

Tightened firmly, the door-wheel was difficult to open. I felt weak and shaky, but after some moments struggling with the stupid thing, I straddled the hatch and pulled.

The bright light from the deck below almost blinded me, its sharp blue shade was like a slap to my brain. I made sure to quickly and quietly tug the hatch shut behind me as I mounted the ladder.

I could hear voices, though not a lot of movement. As I made my way down the ladder, I didn't see anybody. Not down the ladder, nor in any of the maintenance nooks on the way down to the cargo-bay. The voices seemed to be coming from down there, so I slowly made my way below.

I paused about halfway down the dozen or so meters to the bay when Dorian's voice rang sharply up the spine, filled with even more infuriated derision than usual. "... load of septic!" I perked an ear. "Should put this arse in the fucking air-lock and see if the answer changes!"

Oh no.

I inverted myself and inched my way towards the bay's open hatch. Stopping at the ladder's break-point, where it segmented as one deck ended and the hatch led to the next, I lowered myself just enough to peer over the tops of the secured boxes and crates without exposing myself.

I was surprised to see much of the crew was still in there, towards the back of the bay. From my vantage point, I could see the Terran professor was by the gantry crane, backed against a large, green transport crate by Dane, Niklas, Dorian and a fair proportion of the rest of the crew. Probably fifteen or so of them.

Masden was cringing in obvious fear, looking from one enraged, glaring spacer to the next. Taking my chance, I clambered down to hide among the crates.

"... think about this!" I heard Masden insist as I pushed away from the wall down at deck level. "Why would he choke me senseless like that if we were working together? If anything, he was trying to kill me!"

"Not the point, Doctor." It was Dane. I barely recognized his voice; he sounded coldly furious. "You brought this asshole onto our craft. Risked all of our lives, and nearly got Mikael killed. You're lucky we're having this conversation."

I started to squeeze myself between the crates, seeking a better place to hide. With so many of the others on the deck, I wasn't going to get too close unobserved. I'd have to do what I did best: get out of the way and listen hard.

"So. Why were thugs looking for you on Titan? And why did your buddy almost brain our captain and try to kill us all? Where are you really going and what's in that case you were lugging around earlier? What are you up to?"

"What are you up to, doctor?" Niklas' voice added, sounding much calmer. "Please. Tell us everything you can. I don't want this to get nasty."

"I fucking do." Dorian now. I was used to hearing him pissed off, at least. "But tell us anyway."

I felt faint all of a sudden. Couldn't this just be over?

"I can't tell you, please, I really can't," Masden murmured. "But I cleared absolutely every detail and risk with your captain. I swear!"

"The guy your buddy tried to batter to death?" Dane whistled sarcastically. "Not helping your case."

"I told your chief engineer as well!"

"You mean that other guy that can't corroborate you right now? Your case. Lacking in the help department. Critically."

"You don't understand. You're all safer if you don't know. Your captain and chief engineer - at least talk to them when you can!" There was a grumble of discontent. "Wait, please. I have no idea why Weiss did what he did."

"You've already almost got us all killed and you're trying to tell us that we're safer not knowing why?"

Niklas tutted aloud. "Look, we've been drifting for long enough. I have to get up top with Yuki and get us somewhere we can help Jin and Chief. We'll deal with this later, when everyone's safe. For now we need to put together a pork chop and save as much delta as we can."

"Right." Dane growled. "We've got supplies to deliver anyway. It looks like you're at least getting that far, Doctor."

"Thank you."

Dane ignored him. "Where are we heading, Nik? What hab?"

"Where we planned before. We still have a job waiting for us there. Apparently." He paused. "We're gonna hit orbit in a few hours, then drop to Samarkand."

My chest tightened. I felt my ears droop like wilting bamboo.

"Shit. The kid's gonna love that."

"Samarkand is our best bet on that snowball, and it was our destination anyway." There was a pause. "Look. It's our only bet. Jin's condition is not good."

Dorian swore again. "Right. Amani, Hayes, keep our Terran friend company."

"Nothing drastic, guys. Keep an eye on him, we'll get answers when Chief or Jin can talk." Niklas's voice drifted closer. "Dane, come up on the bridge; see if we can figure out what that asshole was doing at Jin's station. We found his PDC too, might be able to crack that juicy little egg open."

I pulled myself closer to the crate, fingering the nylon strap holding it down.

So that was it. I was going home.

... The one place I never wanted to see again.

***

I couldn't just go and lie down again. I was too restless, fighting to push all my anxiety out of my mind. I figured I needed to get busy with something. So I decided to go over the filters again in the cargo bay; it was what I had been doing before all this insanity happened after all. I took a microfiber cloth from the maintenance locker by the gantry crane's controls and got to it, removing a filter-screen and starting to scrub the dirt free from the fine mesh. There was nobody around, but at least this would keep me distracted.

Thoughtlessly, I scraped back and forth with the detergent-dampened cloth. Just trying not to think about anything, floating there. I was doing pretty well until a familiar voice interrupted.

"What are you doing?"

I looked up to see Dorian's confused and perpetually angry face. The fox was glaring at me as if he'd found me urinating in the drinking water-recycler.

"Finishing the filters," I rasped at him, holding up my filth-blackened cloth and wiping dust from my paw on my bare stomach.

Dorian blinked. "Who cares about that?!" he demanded, staring at me as I knelt by the very filter screen I'd used to sneak up to the command deck only a few hours ago. "You're supposed to be bunked down!"

I looked away. "Didn't wan-" A painful stab in my throat made me flinch.

"For fuck sake, you can barely even talk!" He pointed at the spinal ladder. "Go--get to your--! Get to a bunk!"

I shook my head. "Want to help."

"Help?!"

Dane's voice echoed down the ladder. "Is that Mika?!"

The fox threw his paws up and kicked off towards the hatch. "You talk to him." Unleashing a string of mumbled curses, Dorian descended towards Life-Support. Shaking his head the entire time.

As he did, Dane drifted down from the deck above. "I was wondering what you'd got up to," he chuckled. His overalls were undone at the top and the sleeves wrapped around his waist, leaving only his black tank-top to cover his torso.

"Had to do something," I wheezed, reaching up to massage my neck.

"You don't," he stated flatly, neatly 'landing' right in front of me. "You need to rest."

"I'm fine." I waved my paw in the direction of the descending hatch. "He's just-"

"He's concerned, Mika." A half-smile. "You don't realize it do you? Dorian cares about you a lot more than he lets on. It was all we could do to stop him from ripping that Terran's head off."

"I heard." I shook my head slowly. "Don't."

"Didn't plan on it. Not yet, anyway. Look, he's never gonna admit it, but, like most of us, that grumpy ass is really worried about you. You almost couldn't breathe when we got you out of there. You should be in bed, not inhaling dust and cleaning spray."

"It's my watch."

"You're not standing. Not until we get you examined. Besides, everything's suspended except the necessary work until we figure out what the fuck is going on."

"Why?"

"Well, can't just act like nothing happened. We're off-course, no idea what's going on, and both Chief and Jin are out. The situation has changed."

I had no idea where it came from, but my eyes watered and I threw the rag at the wall. It unfurled in the air and barely went any distance at all. "Why?!" I rasped. "Why does that matter?"

Dane blinked. "Mika."

I swiped at my nose. "I don't want - Nothing needs to be different. Let's just get back on course and keep going."

"Mika. What are you talking about?"

I caught myself, stepping away, floating backwards. "Jin."

"What about him?"

"He gonna die?"

He took both my shoulders in his hands. Squeezing my bony joints to just before the point of discomfort. "Mika. No. Probably not. Why? What's wrong?"

"I heard Nik say his condition wasn't good."

"Yeah. No, it's not good." Dane lidded his eyes and shot me a half-smile. "We don't think he's going to die, though. He's stable. That's not what Nik meant, he didn't mean he was gonna just die on us."

"Chief?"

Slight hesitation this time. "On the bridge. We're monitoring his heart-rate. He's gone arrhythmic, so we've got someone watching him."

"Shit." I wilted, only remaining upright thanks to the merciful lack of gravity. "I- I can't. I don't-"

A big paw squeezed my shoulder. "Hey, hey, it's alright. I understand. You know, I don't want things to change either."

"Why does this always happen?" I moaned, my voice a hoarse whisper. "When things are okay, just okay, th-they get fucked up every t-time." I broke into another coughing fit, forcing me to clutch at my neck again.

Dane pulled me to him, whipping me into an embrace that I eagerly returned. "I don't know. Like I said, we don't know what's going on." He pressed my head into his slightly damp stomach, squeezing me tight. "You've gone through something pretty crazy. It's going to shake you up. This is why we all want you to rest. All of us. Even Dorian."

"I don't want to be a-alone in there with Jin. I can't stop thinking about him."

"Fine. Then I'll come with you. Just give me twenty." He paused. "You overheard us, huh? Down here earlier, with Masden?"

I nodded curtly.

"I'm sorry. I know. Don't worry, nobody else is gonna get hurt. We're not monsters." He squeezed me again. "And yeah, you know we're dropping to Samarkand, right?"

"Mnh."

"Alright. So make sure you do rest, because we've only got a few hours before we're there, and you have to come too."

"Wi-ish that asshole had killed me..."

"I knew you'd say that. Tough luck, kid."

I snorted a laugh. A painful laugh, but it was a laugh anyway.

"Go on. Get into a bunk and I'll join you soon. Don't worry about Jin, he's, uh, just resting. It's been a hell of a few hours for all of us."

I don't think I'd ever heard a more obvious lie.

***

Docking with the pod was routine. Niklas put us in an equatorial orbit around Enceladus, the tiny, frosty moon some of us had once called our home, with Oberon's radioactive backside facing out to the black. A shuttle intercepted us less than an hour later.

Those of us heading surface-side were waiting just outside the fore air-lock. A few crew that I didn't know well, Dane, Niklas, myself and the wounded: Jin, Chief, and Masden. Jin and Chief were bundled in insulated blankets, held close to the air-lock by the others, floating motionless and silent. Masden, however, hovered alone by the far wall, lightly clutching his own blanket.

I had been cajoled into my groin crushing ex-suit again, and I had settled against the wall, waiting for the jolt to signify we'd docked, when I decided to look over at him. I wasn't sure what I wanted to see. Some remorse, maybe.

He also had blood flecked through the fur on his face, and one of his eyes seemed to droop as he stared into middle distance. Miserable and listless.

"Pod docks in five, people, get ready," Dane grumbled, floating by the airlock door and configuring the magnetic clamps. "There'll be about twenty minutes of oxygen on it, nothing fancy about this tin-can, this isn't some luxury cruise to Ganymede or Titan."

The guy next to me, the canine that helped me secure the cargo earlier, yawned. "Shuttles around Ganymede are practically falling apart." He scratched at himself through his gray ex-suit with reflective stripes. "You ever been there, kid?"

I shook my head. "Never been outta Saturn's system."

"If you ever get the chance, can earn a shitload of credits if you do the trans-magnetosphere runs. To Io and back, or to the belt."

"Not up to me. Contracted." I coughed. "Too close to Terra anyway."

"Ah, shit. Fair enough, kid." He laughed gruffly. "Maybe you'd prefer the megasec runs out to the Kuiper, anyway. No Terrans out that far. Ain't comfy enough for them."

I grinned.

...But then I found myself looking over at Masden again. The Terran looked pathetic, staring at the red "CAUTION" stenciling on the floor just in front of himself, clutching his thermal blanket. Expression blank, muzzle hanging open like he'd forgot he could close it.

Maybe the others couldn't see it. But whatever had happened with Weiss had definitely not been something the professor had planned. I'd seen that face before. That dullness in his eyes. The expression of being lost, when you didn't even know what to think about first, where to begin trying to work out what to do next. Your brain just wouldn't move on, couldn't do it. It wasn't something you could fake. I'd seen it a lot.

I knew what it felt like, too.

"Alright, boys!" Dane announced. "Latch in fifty seconds. Grab your gear."

A heavy paw grabbed my shoulder. "Hey, Mikael." I twisted. Niklas was looking right into my eyes. "You alright, kid?"

I managed to fake a smile for him. A moment later, there was a muffled clunk as the pod magnetically locked to _Oberon'_s fore airlock. There was an almost imperceptible shudder, the huge mass of our craft barely effected.

"Okay, go go!" Dane commanded, hitting the release button and pulling the heavy clasp. The airlock hissed as it unlocked, and Dane yanked it open. "No time to screw around. Get in, get strapped if you want but that atmosphere is thinner than bunk sheets."

So we did. We all dove for the airlock; I didn't even think about it. I had to go, I didn't feel up to defying Dane or the others. It would take one disappointed look from any one of them and I'd fold.

The pod was your typical cramped space-can. After we moved up the meter or so passage to the main deck, the rigging was nothing but mounts and straps on the outer walls, which were nothing but bare metal and exposed pipes. The crew was in another compartment, so we were alone in getting ourselves ready for the drop.

Dane directed the others to strap Jin and Chief to the rigging on the far wall. "We've got wounded here, guys. A smooth landing would be appreciated."

"Always," came the laconic reply over the internal communications system.

I ignored them, and didn't bother strapping in. I just grabbed the black, aramid straps and waited. Eventually, I looked around for the Terran.

Unaided, he was left to flounder his way over to a rig away from everyone else, close to the flight crew. He gingerly fumbled the straps, unsure what to do. It looked like he wasn't thinking clearly.

With a quick glance at Jin, being secured in place by three of the crew, I pushed off towards the hapless Terran.

I hit the wall near him paws-first. "W-want me to show?"

Surprised, Masden looked up at me. "I... Yes, if you wouldn't... Are you sure?"

I coughed a few times, clutching at my throat. When it passed, I gave him a curt nod and gently pushed him, directing him to back up against the rigging. Handing him one side of the four point harness, I pointed at the other.

"Okay. I got it. Thank you." He shoved the connecting lug of the right side into the plug of the left, but it promptly slipped out. "Oh."

Without a word, I reconnected it and twisted the locking mechanism firmly on the front of the plug. It ratcheted into place, and I slapped it firmly. "There," I rasped. "Same as last time."

"Th-thank you, Mika. Mikael."

I sent myself tumbling back to my own rigging station without a word.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Niklas watching me. He had his PDC in his paws, but was looking up at me as he leaned idly against his rigging. His expression was neutral. I ignored him and strapped myself to the wall.

Pointless, since we'd never experience turbulence going through Enceladus' meager atmosphere, but I did it anyway. Probably just because I'd done it for Masden.

With that done, I shut my eyes and waited. Hoping it wouldn't be two drops in a row that I puked.

Shit. I just wanted this to be over. Any part of this shitty solar system was better than this ball of blood-stained ice.

***

Enceladus was far smaller than Titan, a veritable dust mote by comparison; apparently, the entire moon was smaller than nations on Terra. The pod fired its chemical engines and eliminated its tangential velocity around the moon in moments, setting itself on a mostly direct descent to our destination: Unlucky Samarkand.

With neither significant gravity nor atmosphere, the landing was nothing but a gentle, smooth bump as our craft settled to the surface of the mere two-fifty click circumference moon, upon a flat concrete landing pad. It certainly didn't reflect the sick, uneasy feeling in my stomach. I felt almost cheated.

We waited for the plastic umbilical tunnel to be connected with the airlock and pressurized: a necessity since we lacked more than one or two true space-suits. Only a few minutes after landing, we were filing into the gloomy tube, lit only by weak LEDs to guide the way.

The biting cold of the outside sucked the heat from our tubular haven, through the air, through the barely insulated plastic, and dissipating it into the frozen moon's thin atmosphere.

I intended to float out on my own, lagging behind the others. But Dane stayed by my side, occasionally touching my back to help me along. Occasionally, the others would turn to look at me, I could just see them in the dim light.

My thick, swollen throat still ached, and I could feel painful bruising all around it, sending stabbing pains through my neck if I touched it in the wrong place. If I breathed shallowly, it wasn't a problem, but swallowing felt like shoving a knife down my windpipe. I hadn't even tried eating yet.

Still, I got the impression the others were worried I'd turn and run back to the shuttle-pod. They were herding me out there, whether I wanted to or not. I felt a little insulted.

When we reached the colony dome's entrance, we all gathered around the thick, hexagonal airlock.

There were about ten of us. Half itinerant crew-members, and the rest were long term crew. Niklas, Dane, Chief and Jin, and myself. Although Oberon was built in orbit around Enceladus, many of the crew were from around the outer solar system. Even Jin-Wei, the captain, appointed by the franchise-holders, was from Titan. I wasn't even sure where Chief was from.

But I was the only one from Samarkand itself.

"Alright, here we go." Dane pressed the button by the hatch. There was a long beep as the airlock ran diagnostics, then opened with a hydraulic hiss.

The moment I was about to push off the tunnel into the airlock, a soft voice stopped me.

"Mikael."

Turning around, I saw Chief, supported by two of the crew, was grinning at me lopsidedly. "Ch-Chief?" In a dozen mega-seconds, I'd not seen him grin like that.

"You know this place... put up a hell of a fight?" he mumbled. I realized, with a sickening twist of my stomach, that he was having trouble looking at me. "You should be proud."

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. "I-I am..."

"Never forget, or forgive, Samarkand." With that, the wolf's head drooped and he seemed to fall asleep.

I blinked at him, nonplussed. But Dane slapped my shoulder.

"C'mon, let's move. We're here for medical attention, people."

***

When the airlock finally cracked open, we went through the cursory quarantine and customs inspection. I refused to say a word, answering questions with curt nods or shakes of my head, and cooperated silently as they directed us all to stand in the scanner one after another.

Normally we'd stay under observation and undergo a medical exam before being allowed into the habitation dome proper, but since we had wounded, the Enceladean customs agents hurried us along.

Eventually we were stood at the entrance to the hab itself, another thick, steel hexagon with red stenciling identifying the door and urging caution. Jin and Chief were both placed in simple stretchers for some of the crew to carry, but Masden flatly refused, even as he nursed his head and walked with an awkward limp.

The hermetic door hissed and started to break from the middle, retracting into the wall housing with a gentle murmur. I stepped back and looked resolutely at the metal floor, focusing on its dull grayness. I heard the others start to shuffle towards the airlock, into the dome.

But then I felt a paw touch the small of my back. "Mika." It was Dane.

"What?"

"You haven't looked up since we got out of the pod."

"Mnh."

"Look. Trust me. It'll be okay."

"Do I have to?"

"No. You could just keep your eyes closed if you wanted. But if you trust me: look."

I gave a deep sigh, trying to sound more irritated than anything else, and lifted my head.

And my eyes widened almost immediately.

There was the dome, of course, stretching away overhead to some point on the horizon, a vast curved surface of glass hexagons surmounted within a thick steel and carbon frame, supported by a mesh of metal vaulting beams. Beyond it, the sheer blackness of space, countless tiny stars embedded in its velvet coat.

And, looming above, the orange, swirling colossus; Saturn and its banded rings dominating over two thirds of the sky. It was beautiful and eerie as always, the clouds visibly shifting and swirling even from this distance. Leaving no means to mistake the sheer size and power of the second greatest gas giant.

But that was all to be expected. Things I'd long been accustomed to since I was able to form my first sentences. It was the smaller details that hit me, and took a moment or two to worm into my head.

The towering bamboo trees. The buildings of wood and silicate, some as tall as dozens of meters. Furs walked by, chatting animatedly, and a small kit younger than I was bolting down the compacted soil of the avenue while their harried parents raced after them. The massive sign made of etched wood welcoming all to the Opal of the Outer System in cursive font...

I swallowed. It was as if the Suppression had never happened. Beneath the gigantic visage of Saturn, I could see the peak of another dome - complete or in construction, it was entirely new.

I felt the cool, fresh air wash over me, even though I hadn't stepped through the door yet. It rushed in, as if to strike me the same way as the visuals had. Bringing the complex scent of plant life I hadn't sampled in so long.

"What happened?" I choked, blinking. "H-how did?"

"Impressive, right?" Dane muttered back to me. "The Terrans sure fucked everything up, but UTCS never bothered to continue occupying Enceladus, unlike Titan or the Jovian system."

"Th-they- H-how long?"

"Things weren't good for a long time. Eventually other systems were able to provide aid as everyone tried to rebuilt." He shrugged. "Industrial capacity is still a fraction what it used to be, but there's not nearly as many people not getting food or medicine now. It's not like it used to be anymore."

My legs turned rubbery and weak. I stared at the trees that lined the opposite side of the small access road until the brilliant green of their leaves became a blur.

"Not as bad as you thought, right? Isn't it great?"

I blinked again, slowly turning my head until I could see Dane again. He was smiling at me.

"I don't... I don't know."

***

I wasn't sure what I had expected. Part of me thought Samarkand would still be as it was when I left it: with the homeless sleeping among the rubble, a decimated parody of my earliest memories.

We were led to the communal vehicle depot near the spaceport entrance to the dome, only a few hundred meters from the airlock. I remembered these from when I was much younger; you could borrow an electric, four-wheeled crawler and return it to the nearest depot to your destination. Though not as common as bicycles, they used to be a common sight, grumbling their way up our narrow streets. Like many things, they disappeared after Terra almost smashed our dome. But here they were, apparently.

Our guide was an eager young cheetah, a slender teenager who wasn't even in uniform. He was friendly, reminding us constantly that someone could pick us up and take us, so we wouldn't have to drive ourselves. For whatever reason, Dane and Niklas refused an ambulance, so we trudged from the clean corridors of inbound-processing to the concrete quadrangle used for picking up and dropping off passengers. Jin-Wei and Chief carried in stretchers as we moved.

Rather than selecting one of the small, boxy crawlers already parked there, we were met by a larger vehicle. A metal oblong with plastic windows down its side, painted a dark green and yellow, the transport's electric engine whirring shrilly as it pulled up in front of us.

I got aboard eagerly, once the injured were on. It gave me an excuse to not have to look at the dome, or the gigantic orange gas giant that dominated the sky above. I selected one of the many seats, organized in rows with an aisle down the middle, at random and collapsed onto it, only to stare resolutely at the linoleum between my orange-covered legs. I could feel Dane's bemusement as he took the seat beside mine.

The nearest medical facility was close. For the entire journey, as our vehicle trundled and growled its way down the narrow streets, I stared out the window. Feeling like I was dreaming, knowing exactly where we were going.

The artificial winds were functional again; I could see the bamboo and the rare pine trees shiver and dance in the simulated wind, leaves and pollen swirling into the domed sky to play between the clean, simple buildings and the tall streetlights.

Unlike Senkyo, every building in Samarkand had thickets of trees, grasses and bushes sharing their square, tightly packed plots, sometimes even atop the buildings themselves, rippling and shifting in the bright light from both the planet above and the tall metal streetlamps. Contributing to the oxygen cycle.

Most of the buildings were similar to how I remembered them. Not as I did when I left, but from my distant earlier memories. Low-lying, boxy shapes of varnished bamboo, glass and carbon, painted to the owner's preference or left as finished wood. Minimally decorated save for the dense foliage. The boundary between one home and the next usually a white concrete wall only a meter or so tall, or boulevards of dark, compressed soil. Geometry, simple and stark, to supplement the vibrant greenery.

We even passed small homes with painted murals on their walls, something I vaguely remembered contributing to when I was much younger. I think I stuck my paws in paint and left prints up the side of someone's house.

Samarkand wasn't as I'd left it. There was no more rubble, no more burned out husks of what used to be homes. The parks that separated housing blocks were no longer full of dead grass or scorched being used as beds for the lost or wounded. No corpses or streaks of blood on the walkways.

On a whim, I turned to see what Masden was doing. Like me, he was gawking out the window. I wasn't sure if he too was surprised by what he saw, or if his head injury had left him chasing his wits.

I had to wonder what it felt like. To be hurt and confused, to have almost died, and now here he was: a Terran, visiting the site of the First Strike. Did he even know? Did he care? He was going to get medical treatment here, did that seem weird to him? Was he surprised that it wasn't a shattered shithole just like I was?

I felt a jacketed arm settle on my shoulder. "Hey."

Almost reflexively I nestled into Dane's side. "Hmh."

"How are you feeling?" Dane's voice was soft. "Are you alright?"

I swallowed, reaching up to rub my throat. "I don't know," I admitted, keeping to a whisper. "I can't put it to words."

That was something my tutors and parents had told me to say when I was younger: if I couldn't think how to express something, to just say exactly that, and maybe someone could help me. Strangely, I think those words came more easily to me after meeting Dane, someone I could open up to, than it ever did when I was younger.

"I'm sorry." Dane shifted and squeezed me to him. "I know this has to be, well. I don't know what it is. But I know it has to be something alright."

"I remember that house over there. Used to be an eatery." I pointed out the window at a messy house at the corner of a block. Boxes of supplies and a pile of soil out the front. "Miss Yani used to run it with her family, I ate there all the time. Used to be lines out to the street, took ages to get in, they used to make pasta. But it's-" I drifted off.

"What's changed? You wanna tell me?"

I hesitated for a moment. "No. It doesn't matter." I shook my head. "It's changed but the same. I hate it."

"Alright."

"Sorry."

He squeezed me tighter. "Don't be." There was a pause. "I think I get it. Maybe. I'll shut up. Just talk to me when you're ready. Okay?"

I clutched at his jacket, almost reflexively. Just grabbing onto something for some kind of comfort.

This was going to be rough. Worse than I thought. I felt like something was missing. And it sent me into a deep anxiety I just couldn't settle.

Something was missing. Something was wrong. Something wasn't how it should be. And I didn't have any idea what it was, or what it could be...

And an unwelcome question jumped right into my head, there and then as I watched that strange facsimile of my childhood pass me by, through the dirty, smeared windows of the bus. Like watching something treasured, important and tender memories, but viewed through a filthy lens.

Was it me?

***

The medical facility was one of the larger buildings. It stood alone, surrounded by a dense bamboo forest with a wide access road and parking bays at the front. A homely building, looking almost forgotten, to be swallowed by the trees.

Our driver took the trundling vehicle right up to the building and parked in a layaway near the main entrance. As we disembarked, several of the facility's workers rushed out of the automatic glass doors to come help us.

I was perfectly able to move on my own, so I hopped down to the soft road and moved out of the way so the others could bring Chief and Jin out. I was happy to see Niklas aiding the Doctor as well, asking him solicitously about his head.

My stomach knotted when I realized I recognized this building too, more or less. It was bigger and in a much better state than when I had last seen it. As we made our way through the automatic doors, simple plastic sheets that squeaked upward into the ceiling recesses as we approached, I realized the floor was now a polished linoleum and not the wood I remembered.

Aside from that, the creamy white walls and eye-stabbing fluorescent lights were the same. There were some paintings on the wall, colorful posters, some of them reminders to exercise or to sign up for the next inoculation round. The usual stuff you'd see in spaceport health facilities.

I followed the others as they moved into the receiving room and stood quietly towards the back of the group, hoping that somehow Dane would forget I was there as the facility workers, dressed in minty green overalls, rushed to get the more seriously wounded to the wards at the back of the building.

One of them, however, a canine of some kind, walked over and said something to Dane. I only heard the mention of the Oberon, and as I strained to listen from behind Niklas and Dorian, eventually, they both turned and looked directly at me.

Shit. I wilted slightly.

"Mika," Dane called, beckoning me over. "C'mere."

Trying not to swear, I shuffled over. I could feel everyone else's eyes on me. "Yeah?" I rasped.

"Someone wants to see you." He closed one hazel eye deliberately. "Come on, let's get you looked after and out of that stupid orange condom."

We were directed to head down the corridor to the left of the receiving room, and I followed Dane with all the enthusiasm of a scolded child. My stupid ex-suit making squeaking sounds on the linoleum all the way.

When we came to the door at the end of the corridor, Dane ushered me towards it before opening it. "Here, someone wants to see you."

I blinked. "Wh-what?"

He just twisted the handle and pushed the heavy door.

"Who are-?" I mumbled, frowning into the room as the door swung open.

A voice rung out from inside, cutting me off. "Are you still fighting with the people trying to help you?"

My jaw dropped and I felt a strange rushing sensation swoop through my head.

I stared as the feline behind the thick oak bureau. Her long ears were perked, belying her apparent insouciance, and she brushed her long tawny headfur from her emerald eyes.

"Mikael..." the savannah whispered. Clasping her paws in front of her sterotypical white doctor's jacket. "You've grown so much. Did you have to wait this long?"

Like an idiot, I blinked again. And again. Eventually, a cry rose up inside me like a fluid shock tearing through a fuel-line. I could no more stop it than I could stop my heart beating, sore throat or not.

"Auntie!"

***

"Open wide, let me see what I can..."

Obediently, I opened my muzzle and let the small metal flashlight illuminate my not-so-happy throat.

"Hrf." The gentle paw on my shoulder gave a squeeze. "Serious inflammation. Bruising around the neck, especially the trachea, and some localized petechiae. Seems a bit wide for ligature strangulation. So who was trying to strangle you?"

I coughed, reaching up to rub my throat. "I'm o-okay." I shifted, my naked body suddenly warm after a blush settled all over it. I had no idea if I was embarrassed or if it was just a reaction to suddenly removing the ex-suit in the cool clinic's air.

"No, you're not. I promise you that bruising will get worse. In a cycle or so, you'll have to ask yourself if you really need to use your voice. Swallowing won't be fun. Luckily no apparent laryngotracheal injury that won't heal in time." She sat down in the chair next to mine, trying to catch my eyes with her own. "What in the universe happened to you? Did you pass out at any point from this? I'll have to perform further tests to detect any anoxic damage."

"Auntie," I murmured, fighting off the urge to cough again. "It's fine."

"Did you pass out? I need to know if I have to put you through the MRI." She paused. Then nodded at Dane, who sat dumbfounded in the corner by himself. "Are you going to tell your friend how we know each other before he bores a hole in me with that look?"

Dane literally recoiled.

I snickered, though it was cut short by a wince. "A-hem. D-Dane, this is Aunt Heidi." I straightened up and smiled at her. "S-he was my biology teacher. We were really close. When the T-Terrans came here, she looked after everyone that got injured."

"Including you," the savannah added. "And I'm not happy to see you here like this. Not as a patient again, anyway."

"You invited me," I reminded her, my smile getting wider.

She laughed, a rich, throaty sound, and leaned in to give me a kiss on the forehead. "You're just as much of a smart-ass as ever."

"Is he okay, doctor?" Dane asked.

"Yes, I think so. I don't see any outward signs of neuroencephalopathy or anything like that, but that bruising..." She stood and started to limp towards the other side of her desk, favoring her right leg. She leaned on the desk and started tapping with one paw at her laptop's keypad. "Hold on a second."

Curtly, I nodded. I found my eyes wandering around the office. It was a cozy inspection room, more like a study, with multiple posters of illustrations detailing things like the generic skeletal and nerve structure. A few bookshelves with a variety of different colored jackets. From the titles on the spines, I guessed they covered the many different physiologies a doctor had to work with.

The large bureau desk itself was comparatively sparse. A small reading lamp, the clunky laptop, and several large photograph frames. Four of them, spaced evenly across the back of the desk, facing away from me. Images on processed paper, I supposed, not digital screens. I looked at them curiously.

As if reacting to my gaze, she reached out and adjusted the nearest one, straightening it. "I can numb the pain, but you should stay in bed for a cycle or two and let things heal where we can keep you comfortable."

I lowered my eyes, staring vaguely at my paws. "I don't like lying around."

"I know you don't. But it's a good idea anyway. Do you have anywhere else to stay?" I shook my head. "Then stay here. I've got a bed for you. You won't be going anywhere until the others are ready anyway. We can manage the pain and keep you under observation until I'm sure you're fit to fly again."

Solemnly, I nodded. But suddenly, the savannah was in front of me again, bent over with her paws braced on her knees, and a broad smile. "W-what?"

She laughed, sweeping her headfur back. "Oh, you know," she chortled, "I'm just glad to see you again. You don't sound so pleased, though."

There was a moment where I just stared at her. Then I raised my paw and quickly tapped her nose. "Don't be a dummy."

She recoiled, actually going cross-eyed. Then she burst into another throaty laugh.

I grinned at her. But just then, there was a knock on the door.

Aunt Heidi blinked, then straightened. "Yes? Hold on, I have a patient in here."

"Sorry Dr. Kauffman," came a male voice. "Dr. Rhazim wants you to come take a look at one of the other patients."

The savannah bit her lip. "I'll be there soon." She looked down at me. "I'll take you to somewhere to rest, and I'll be back to give you some anesthetic for your throat soon. I think the others will be transferred to the medical center not far from here, but you can share a room with the leopard you came in with. Would you like that? Or are you not on good terms?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dane tense.

"Fine," I said, quickly cutting him off. "If he's alright with it, I am."

"Alright, I'll be right back. And stop talking now, you'll only make the eventual irritation worse."

She gave me a final smile, and limped over to the door. Leaving me to respond to Dane's bewildered stare with a sheepish little shrug.

***

I was awoken to the sensation of my brain rattling in my skull. My eyes jerked open and I caught myself just before I collapsed to my side. It took a second or two for my itchy eyes to focus in the dim light, but when they did I found myself staring up at Niklas' lopsided grin.

"Hey, you wouldn't be awake by any chance?"

I blinked at him before wheezing, sourly, "'m now."

"Why are you on the floor?" With a heavy thud, he sat down beside me and shunted back against the wall like I was.

I grunted, shifting under my blanket. Extending my legs and wriggling my toes, just trying to work the stiffness out of my muscles. "A-hrhm. Can't sleep lyin' down."

"Oh yeah?" I saw his ear cock in the darkness. "More used to the cargo bay floor, huh? Might want to give it a try. We'll have a few spare bunks soon, I guess. Some people always leave after a crazy incident like we just had." He peered at me. "Are you naked under there?"

"Didn't bring clothes." My voice was absurdly weak, an airy whisper. As Heidi had warned me, my throat had closed up even more. It sounded like I had been eating degreaser or steel-wool.

Niklas grinned. "Fair enough. Are you doing okay?" I gave him a noncommittal shrug. "That'll do, I guess. Dane's out and about, took a little while to convince him to get out of here." Reaching into his pocket, Niklas offered me a small, transparent plastic bag filled with small candy-like pills. "Here. The doctor gave me these for you. Analgesics."

I nodded and took the bag. "Doesn't hurt much," I lied.

"So you say. You sound like you swallowed nitric acid." His whiskers twitched mirthfully. "So, I have a question. Actually, Dane does, but he couldn't think of a way to ask you."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you know how it is. He's wants to be discreet, but it isn't his strong suit, so he just gives up. I've always found it more efficient to just say what you want to say and let the other guy deal with that shit." With that, he nodded at the other bed on the far side of the darkened room. "You're really alright with staying here with him?"

Adjusting my blankets, I gave him a shrug.

"Even after what his buddy did?"

"Promised to watch him," I exhaled. It didn't hurt so much to whisper under my breath like that. "Is he out now?"

"He's been given something to help him sleep. Has a nasty concussion. I think you're right, he probably didn't have a clue what that crazy bastard was planning." Niklas scratched just behind one of his tufted ears. "But who can say for sure? Be careful."

"Hnh. Jin?"

A definite pause. "Uh, well. Don't worry about him. He'll be okay." I eyed him steadily. "Look, focus on yourself, little brother. Say, anywhere you want to visit when you get out of here?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Really?" Niklas blinked. "Nowhere with fond memories? No places you're curious about how they might've changed?"

"It's gone, not changed," I whispered sullenly. "Terra destroyed it all."

Niklas sighed heavily. "No they didn't, Mika. Look around you; Samarkand is still here, look how far it's come since then."

I knew that, of course, but it hurt to see it. I couldn't put it in words, or even be sure I really understood it myself, but it did. And I felt stupid or selfish somehow. I just wanted to stay indoors and hide away from that reality.

"You know, Enceladus had it easy. By comparison."

"... What?"

"Not trying to be a dick, I get how you're feeling. Coming back to a home you saw torn apart." He rested his head on the wall. "I don't know what'd be worse: having to be reminded of those horrible things you went through, or seeing how it looks like everyone and everything somehow moved on and forgot. I'm not trying to take that away from you, but you saw Senkyo; it's a dirty shit-hole despite being the biggest and oldest industrial colony beyond the Jovian system. Nobody's happy there."

I frowned at him. "So?"

"The UTCS hit Samarkand and moved on within a mega-second. There was fighting throughout the outer systems, and when they eventually took most of the major fabrication and extraction habs on the other moons, they stayed there. They're still there. In some way or another." Niklas swore bitterly. "The Suppression didn't end, Mika. It's still goin' on. The UTCS didn't really leave: they installed governments that'd do what they want, and anyone they found inconvenient would just disappear.

"Everyone was forced back to work like before, often it was even worse. There's a reason the space-rat phenomenon exploded throughout the outer system like it did, not just here. Major ports were drowning in refugee cubs, chasing down every spacer they could see in packs of five or more, begging for a chance to work on some filthy cargo hauler. They had that chance at least, older refugees without any skills or experience just had to starve and hope for the best."

Suddenly, I felt really heavy. "Yeah. I remember."

"I guess you would. Sorry." He bumped my shoulder gently. "I'm not being disrespectful. What I'm saying is, look, the entire outer system got fucked by Terra back then, and they're still fucking us now. We're presently mid-fuck, and it's rough and dry and we're getting no reach around. If you don't look on the bright side and look to the future, then you're gonna have a pretty miserable existence. Nobody's forgotten the Suppression. But we have to keep going. What the hell else can we do?"

I grunted noncommittally. The weight of his words settled on me like an iron cloak.

"If you want my advice, get out there and see just how far Samarkand has come since you left. Face your feelings head on. Ask yourself, how is it that despite all the shit they got put through, the people of Samarkand are still going like this? If they can do it, can't you? Isn't there some part of this place still living on inside you?"

After a moment, a half-smile crept onto my muzzle and I looked over at him. "Didn't expect this from you."

He chortled. "Hey, come on, I'm known throughout the system for my sage words of wisdom. Just ask me."

"Where you here," I whispered curiously, "when they attacked?"

"No. I was studying. I left and when I came back, everything was a total disaster. Guess that counts as lucky." He rocked forward and hauled himself upright. "Time for me to get going, katido. I've got things to do, and you need to sleep."

"Nik?"

He glanced down at me. "What?"

"When can I see Jin?"

Another definite pause. "I don't know. But I'll take you as soon as I can, okay?"

"You gotta tell me. If something's wrong."

"That's the problem, Mika. We don't know yet. Just rest up until you can talk without sounding like a clogged sewage duct. Right now, every time you speak I start looking for a plunger."

***

The analgesics knocked me out. I managed to crawl back onto the bed and pulled the sheets over me in a pile before I finally succumbed, face down. I think I only bothered so that nobody would fuss over me if they came in and saw me on the floor.

I dreamed again. A confusing jumble of images and scenarios, mostly underpinned with anxiety. I couldn't remember anything specific, but as my brain started to shake off the fuzz and I woke up, I could remember the vague sense of fear.

And the sensation of being choked. Like my head was about to pop off. It wasn't hard to guess where that came from.

Eventually, I realized I could hear voices. The fog from the drugs was thick and heavy, and I drifted in and out of some semblance of sleep for what felt like hours before I was alert enough to listen in.

"... Not even left the city where I grew up. It's a little overwhelming." It was the mild voice of the Terran professor. Slurred and quiet, but his accent was unmistakable.

"Terra's massive, isn't it?" I heard Dane mutter, sounding only slightly more awake than I felt myself. "Not some tiny moon like this. Sure that city was plenty big enough."

"It's what I was used to, but after a little while it didn't seem so large at all. The same thing every day. What I could do, where I could go. One day I just realized. But the skies? The horizon just went on forever. So blue, with brilliant white clouds, and the sun so close, not some tiny glimmer in the dark. Still, this place is beautiful. We're never told that colonies in the outer system could be so..."

"They could be. Even _Senkyo_was a nice enough place, until the UTCS came along."

"I can imagine, I suppose." There was a hiatus. "I feel terrible. The boy was so kind to me. Even though every time he looks at me, I can almost feel the hate. He's trying to hide it, but it's in his eyes. The sheer distrust. And then Weiss. We're not all... I mean, none of us, really-"

"You can't explain it to him. To draw that line between your leaders and the regular people. Mika was raised here, where that sort of thing is just crazy. To him, if Terra attacked and destroyed his home, then Terrans did it. That's that."

"I'm almost certain most Terrans have no idea what happened out here. Or what life is like out here. Our idea of life out here is very shallow."

"I remember a Terran telling me that. Apparently, we're sexually deviant dirt-grubbing ingrates that kidnapped all the innocent business people that never did anything wrong. Like, after you get further out than Mars, that's it, you've left civilization."

"That's about correct, yes."

"Well. Even that won't justify what the UTCS did here, not to Mikael. Probably not to a lot of people in smaller habs like this. Who decided to pull the trigger? As far as Mikael cares, if the espatiers didn't want to come here and murder everyone, they wouldn't have done it."

"Why is that? Do you mean, he's just too young to-?"

"Not exactly. Once you see how we live out here, you'll get it. Life out here is different. At least in quiet corners like this, where Terra wasn't able to cram their way of life down our throats."

"I want to know what happened here. Do you think - think Mikael will talk to me if I ask him about it?"

Dane growled softly. "Yes, probably. He'd do that. But don't."

"I- But why?"

"Listen. It took a hundred cycles for his nightmares to stop when he first came aboard. The things he said, the sounds he'd make, even when I held him. He's never wanted to tell me what he saw, but he did anyway. Only because he couldn't help it, again and again."

I clutched at the mattress beneath me.

Dane continued. "Get someone else to satisfy your curiosity. His trauma ain't your edification. He's dealing with enough just being here, and we're only here because of you and your psychotic friend. So leave him alone. Anybody here will be more than glad to tell you how much Terra sucks, just not him."

"Alright. I understand." A soft chuckle. "You really care for him, don't you? It's very sweet. Not at all what I expected, given what I was told."

"If you say so, Captain Concussion." Dane snorted. "Get some rest."

"Ah. Mister, uh, D-Dane?"

"Hnh?"

"I-I don't know if I can apologize. For Weiss. For it all I don't know... know what's going on."

"Yeah. Well. Welcome to the club. Don't worry. I'm sure we'll get some answers soon, right?"

"... Yes. I swear."

"For what it's worth, doctor, you're wrong. Mika trusts you." A hiatus. "And I don't know why, yet. But he does."

A few moments later, I felt Dane's weight settle onto my bed, accompanied by the loud protests of the mattress springs.

Immediately, I pulled myself to his side, burying my head in his flank. Harder than I'd done in what felt like an age... And I had no intention of letting go, not even when sleep finally took me once again.

***

When my eyes next opened, I wasn't surprised to find that I'd shifted during my sleep. I was lying practically on top of Dane, my body rising and falling with his quiet breath, my leg draped over his. I just couldn't ever sleep the way he did, flat on my back.

I lay there for awhile, the sensation of rising and falling with my mate's chest almost hypnotic. The warmth from his body was comforting, and his fur was silky and clean - him having discarded his top at some point and gotten under the messy sheet with me.

For a moment, I almost managed to forget where I was. What had happened to get me here. It was starting to feel almost like a dream, as my mind tried to push it away, like it had done to so many other memories. So it wasn't really surprising, I thought.

Absently, I ran my paw over his concave stomach. Almost as if I was just seeking comfort, trying not to wake him up. If there was one thing I could be grateful for, for all this craziness since we touched down on that vomit-colored moon, it was the downtime. There was no problem of clashing schedules, no need for me to get my sleep on the hard metal floor of the cargo-bay instead of a bunk with someone to keep me warm.

At least for now. Soon, we'd be back on the cargo route. Our exciting life of hauling gas and supplies in an endless circuit of Saturn's moons. Just another cog in the machine that sent priceless helium-three to the inner system, a life of banal routine and desperate attempts to find meaning, or even entertainment. But at least it was something.

I had been one of those kids Nik mentioned, chasing the harrowed and weary spacers in excursion suits as they tried to go about their business. Ignoring us as we fought and shoved and tripped one another vying for their attention. Averting their tired eyes. Or telling us to get fucked. Of course, many of us had tried that, but it was hardly a steady living.

At the time, I was bitter. I couldn't believe anyone could look at us and not care - now I know better, they saw it just too many times and could do nothing about it. Even when I finally got onto a craft, it was a nightmare. I wondered if I'd not have taken an under-equipped spacewalk by now, had I'd been stuck there. Then, suddenly, I was traded to Jin-Wei for a crate of engine-distilled gin.

So now things were okay. I didn't want anything to change. No change could be for the better. That just wasn't how it seemed to be working for me. It always got worse.

After so long alone in the cold, I felt I had finally found some warmth, so I wasn't looking for anything to change.

[NSFW SCENE]

Beneath me, I felt Dane stir, pushing my worries to the side for a moment. He shifted a little, seemingly uncomfortable. His breathing remained steady, so I was sure he hadn't woken up.

I gave a content sigh and inhaled. A heady scent of cedar and spices filled my nostrils and I buried myself even closer against him. He must've had a chance to clean himself up since landing here.

His words from earlier came back to me, and I felt a rush of appreciation for my older partner. We didn't talk much about our lives before we met on Oberon, not in specifics. Was it because he didn't want to remind me of all that?

Suddenly, I realized something, and a smirk slipped onto my dozy face.

No wonder Dane was 'uncomfortable.' His cargo-pants were visibly tented, a mountain of fabric a scant few centimeters from my face as I cuddled into his waist. A grin broke onto my face.

The next step was inevitable. I lowered my paw and gently felt the impressive mound, pushing against it as you might test a spring. It tensed even more at the contact, pushing back.

I had an idea. Or rather, a desire to conduct an experiment. With a light touch, I started trying to undo his fly. My slender fingers working the thick zipper down with cautious deliberation.

How far could I go before he woke up? I'd never really pushed it, though I know he'd tried it with me - unfortunately, I'm a light sleeper. I was always my horniest when I'd just woke up, so I never compained. Was better than any alarm

Dane was the opposite, however, and we'd discussed and done similar things before. I knew he'd be fine what I was about to do.

I worked the zipper down, then propped myself up on my knees and elbows slightly so I could wiggle the waistband down his hips. It was easier than expected. Within moments, I carefully reached into the elastic fly of his briefs and seized my prize - warm, paradoxically both soft and stiff.

Gingerly, I pulled his strained dick through the convenient opening. Inspecting it closely, I kneaded its base, ensuring it had no ideas at all of deflating. Though there didn't seem to be any danger of that - I had to wonder if he was dreaming of something interesting.

Dane was generously equipped. Outside of some of the monsters I'd seen in videos, none of my actual_partners had been as big as Dane. I didn't think I'd _want to deal with anything bigger.

Curious, I measured with my finger. Going by the various bolts and rivets I'd had to measure like that, I guessed the throbbing rod was about sixteen centimeters - one and a half times the length of my entire paw. Smooth and furless, a few centimeters of girth. I gently pulled on the bottom, retracting the foreskin so I could admire the straining pink glans and the veins barely visible in the darkness. The heat from it was genuinely palpable on my face, especially when I pulled the straining thing downwards to stare down its length, marvelling at how it fought to spring back upright.

I had to wonder if I'd ever get anywhere near Dane's size; he was tall and well muscled for a career spacer, and I was anything but. Neither of my parents were physically imposing, at least I didn't remember them being so, but maybe I would be lucky.

I gently felt around with my paw, partly curious, partly affectionate. Gently squeezing his - well, auntie would want me to call them by their proper name, but that's so awkward. It had been days since we'd played, I was wondering if he'd feel fuller down there, maybe.

My own dick was silicate hard by now, and I belatedly realized I was grinding into Dane's leg, having entwined it with both of mine. I had a tight, weightless purse compared to the pendulous equipment of my older mate. I fought off the disappointment by reminding myself I was still growing. But growing or not, that part of me seemed to be singing with excitement now, tingling distractingly.

I pushed it out of my mind. I could deal with that whenever, I had an experiment I wanted to conduct.

As carefully as I could, I straddled Dane's leg, letting it bear my weight - it wouldn't wake him, I did it often. Working myself free from the sheets, I positioned myself so that his erect member was directly in front of me, held loosely in place by my paws.

Again, I angled it toward my face, staring down the barrel, so to speak. Keeping the super sensitive flesh of its tip exposed. Feeling it stiffen in response.

I held it firm, and ran my tongue from its base to its twitching tip. Deliberately tasting it, feeling it. On a whim, I leaned my cheek on it, pressing into it. And with that, I took his smooth head into my muzzle. Slowly and carefully, savouring the contours with my tongue.

I pressed my tongue against it first, before slowly sealing my muzzle around it. My nose was sensitive, and Dane had just bathed, yet I could smell him, and the familiar scent of his deodourant. It filled my head, and I felt both comfortable and excited.

As I lowered my head, letting his erection slip further into my mouth and keeping my tongue and lips glued to it, I felt it thicken, and heard Dane's breathing shudder. I smiled, regardless of the shaft in my muzzle.

Oh, this was gonna be fun. I wondered if he'd wake up before or after...

Shutting my eyes and giving a little sigh, I slowly lowered my head, letting the warm flesh slip further into my muzzle, going as far down as I could before gradually reversing course. Letting my tongue glide over the taut skin.

I lingered at the tip, suckling and flicking my tongue over the smooth glans. Teasing the edges, the sensitive point where it connected to the foreskin, and pressing over the raw urethra - something he would do to me to drive me crazy. I withdrew after another firm suckle, a quiet pop sound ringing out into the room.

I flicked my eyes up, over the dingo's muscular, lean body, watching for signs of him waking up. Kneading the base of his toy idly as I watched. My toy for now, I thought.

Nothing. His breathing had deepened, and he seemed to be shaking slightly, but no sign of wakefulness.

Affectionately, I rubbed the sensitive plaything against my cheek, surprised by its heat. Once again, I engulfed his penis and began to glide down its length, holding it firm with two paws.

The dull ache in my throat had almost sunk to the bottom of my awareness, but it was still there. If Dane reflexively bucked or something, this could become less fun in a hurry. But my pulse was racing, my heart was in my stomach, and my erection was pulsing strongly against Dane's muscular leg - there was no way I would stop now.

I went back to my task, alternating between using my tongue to swirl over the taut surface and letting it slide back and forth in my muzzle. All the while, kneading the base and middle of Dane's quivering dick. I was actually having fun; it took delicacy and restraint, and I had to delay my own gratification too.

Maybe I'd make a habit of this, I mused, continuing to work determinedly towards my partner's climax.

He exhaled, a quavering baritone moan that rode on his breath. I felt the tension in his muscles, as he squirmed somnolently, and one paw loosely clutched at the sheets. In my muzzle and paws, I could feel it: how close he was. His whole body seemed to push into the sensations I was giving him. I felt a surge of pride.

Suddenly, he stiffened. A clutching paw bundled the sheets, and his strong body tried to curl up, a shivering leg pressing upwards into my groin and belly. The member in my muzzle and paws twitched rhythmically, and I knew I'd pushed him over the edge - I pinched my eyes shut and readied myself...

A series of low groans escaped Dane's muzzle, and I caught the first spurt easily, swallowing quickly so I wouldn't have to endure the taste. And then -

It was then that a startled gasp made me jump. And that made Dane jump, his stiff, throbbing erection slipped out of my muzzle as I pulled away to avoid an accident.

A baffled moment later, Dane burst out laughing. His body rumbling below mine. "Oh, sorry, Doctor, for some reason we forgot you were there."

I snorted a laugh myself, twisting to look over at the gawping Terran, who was sat bolt upright in his bunk, like he'd just witnessed a murder.

It took a moment after I smirked at the professor to remember I still had something on my chin. Sheepishly, I wiped it off with the bedsheet. "Sorry," I wheezed.

Masden blinked at us, clearly lost. I struggled to hold back another bark of laughter as the middle-aged professor glanced from myself to Dane, and then to Dane's still exposed member, glistening from my saliva in the dim light.

With a mumbled, bemused apology, Masden simply rolled over, burying his head in his pillow with the air of someone overcome with embarrassment, as if he'd never seen others doing this before.

"Sorry, doc," Dane chortled. "I don't think either of us were meant to wake up to that, huh?"

I pouted, my tail twisting in the air behind me. "Did I get you?" I huffed, my throat numb now. "Before-?"

"Almost," Dane whispered, slipping his paws under my armpits and pulling me up the bed to lie on his stomach. Our erections sandwhiched between us. "If we hadn't been interrupted..."

I rocked slightly, trying to stimulate us both. It worked. Warm sparks shot throughout my entire body, and I grinded against him, rubbing myself against his washboard taut abdomen. "But you squirted."

"Still just a moment too soon," he told me, his paws roaming over my slender back, feeling my shoulderblades and squeezing my backside. "I've never had anyone do that before."

"I'll get you next time," I promised, with a playful smirk. Hiding my disappointment - so close.

"We should save it until we have a bit of privacy, if you really want to. It's not fair to keep waking him up." He bared his pristine white canine's in a grin. "Though it's my turn now."

Before I could ask, he rocked to the side and deposited me on my side atop the bed next to him. He spooned me tightly, pressing his hot erection into my back just above my tail, snuggling me tight. My upper arms gently collected against my chest by a single strong bicep.

Then he easily lifted my upper leg and draped it over his waist, covering us both with the sheets. "Let's see, how can I get you back for waking me... and leaving me only half finished like that."

I opened my mouth to respond, but could only give a hoarse gasp as his strong fingers encircled my very exposed stiffy and started to knead. Torturously, firmly, stroking from base to tip.

"D-Dane!" I protested with my whispy voice, squeezing his muscled arm tight to my chest. Steeling myself to endure. "Th-the sheets-! I can squirt now, remember?"

"Shh. I remember. They'll wash 'em. But I wanna have myself some slow-boiled kitten. Remember, no moaning."

I shivered, submitting. Of course I did, even knowing full well that he would drag this on for a torturous kilosecond or more if he could. Edging me for as long as I could bear it.

My plan had backfired. My experiment ruined, I was now his willing, hopeless horny subject.

Well. It seemed that either way, sheets were getting stained tonight. By this point, I was alright with that.

[NSFW Scene: END]

***

"Can't you stop fidgeting?" Auntie grouched. "Stand up straight so I can measure."

"It's cold!" I protested, snorting a laugh as I tried to hold myself again against the inspection room wall for her. "And you're making me feel like a kid again."

"Well, sorry," she mumbled. "Then again, I suppose last time I examined you like this you were. Naked then, too." A finger jabbed my stomach, causing me to suck it in reflexively.

"Speaking of that, where's my clothes? I can't go around like this. My nipples are like exposed rivets." I coughed to clear my nearly numb throat - the painkillers were working, though left my voice raspy and thinner than usual.

Auntie tapped the wall behind me a few times. "Don't blame me, I wasn't the one who dragged myself to the surface in just a fluorescent tire-tube." Then she laughed. "Okay, one-hundred forty-nine centimeters and - what was it again? Forty-two kilograms."

"Forty-two point five." I almost felt offended.

"Okay. Perfectly acceptable for a spacer of your height, I suppose, but you're one of the slightest boys I've seen in a long time." She limped over to the tablet on her desk and swiped the data in with a dexterous finger. "Just your spinal alignment now, and a few other little things then I can give you the all-clear. Can you touch your toes please?"

I reached down, sticking my backside and twisting tail into the air. I felt a gentle pinch on my side and winced, but said nothing as I easily interlocked my fingers with my toes.

"You don't have to go quite that far; I guess I don't think I have to worry about your flexibility. Just as a guess, you're about seven percent body-fat, if that. You don't have to stay so lean, do you?"

"I don't wanna risk it."

"Losing your ship, you mean? Don't you think you all take that 'every gram counts' thing too far?" I felt her feeling down my spine, her fingers probing each and every vertebrae. "This nonsense is going to raise a generation of anorexics."

"That's nothing," I mumbled awkwardly between my knees. "I gotta starve a little, or starve a lot. You know?"

"I suppose so. Maybe."

She put me through a sequence of odd and kinda humiliating tests, all standard requirements of serving on a franchised craft. Several pull-ups on a bar hanging from the corner of the room, some push-ups, star-jumps and some more mobility tests and gentle presses on various parts of my body. I felt a powerful surge of nostalgia, and didn't object. If any physician was going to put me through this, I was happy to let it be the one who I'd trusted to give me examinations when I was growing up.

Eventually, she stepped away from me with a satisfied 'hmph.' "Alright, looks like you have a clean bill of health - though you're almost due for some inoculations that are mandated by your contract. Bone mass exam coming up soon, let's put that off for as long as possible. We're done for now, though." She paused, looking at me in amusement. "Unless you have any questions about that?" She gestured at my lower half.

I glanced down. My bare erection was staring back up at me. "Whoa. When did that happen?!"

"It was thinking about it throughout the examination. Your star-jumps were very entertaining." She laughed. "It's perfectly normal, at your age especially. No worries down there at all?"

I shook my head - I wasn't embarrassed about this sort of thing, like I knew some spacers could get. Aunt Heidi had seen every inch of me since I was a baby, and we were open about our bodies and how they worked in Samarkand. "Not really." I paused. Then a smirk broke out on my face. "You did tell me to stand up straight so you could measure!"

Heidi snorted. "Well, we can do that if you like. I'm supposed to check on your development, after all."

"Actually," I admitted, "I-I was wondering. Am I gonna be small down there, too?"

"You're still growing, but I can tell you if you're normal for your age if you like." She reached out and took a ruler from her desk. "Here. Try not to exaggerate too much."

Taking the ruler, I set it against my overeager shaft. It tingled warmly as the cold metal nestled against it, stiffening even more enthusiastically. "Uh. Eight and a half centimeters."

She tapped at her tablet. "It is a bit below average," she said. I felt my ears wilt slightly. Though the body-part in question seemed unmoved. "Hold on. I really do mean just a bit. Meanwhile you're in the lower tenth percentile for body mass; you're doing just fine. Give yourself time."

I huffed. "Alright. Nobody's seemed to mind anyway."

"I assure you, Mika, if I were interested in that sort of thing, I wouldn't mind either. Pretty sure it does its job just fine." She winked and crossed the room. Opening a dresser by the door, she pulled out a white bundle of fabric and tossed it to me. "Here, I think your partner will be bringing you some clothes soon. In the meantime, why don't we chat for a moment?"

I slipped the cotton robe on and belted it around my waist. It was warm and soft, almost luxurious. I hadn't worn anything like it in seemingly forever. "Sure, what did you want to know?"

She sat on the edge of her desk. A wistful smile on her features. "So, so much, Mika," she said softly. "It's been so long. You've grown."

"It wasn't my choice," I quipped, pushing down on the obvious tent at the front of the cotton robe.

"Well, the alternative isn't worth thinking about. I'm glad to see you." She gave another ringing laugh. "Doing that will just make it worse, you know."

"I'm glad to see you too..." I flushed, conscientiously moving my paws to my sides. "How has it been since then?"

"Tolerable, I suppose." She stood and walked around her desk. I spotted the photograph frames again. This time, all four were face-down. "We rebuilt as best we could, with a lot of help from the less devastated colonies. As you can see, we lost a lot, but we're still us."

I nodded.

"Is it hard for you? Seeing it like this? Or does it help?"

Wasn't that the question of the moment? "I don't know," I admitted. "I don't recognize almost anyone, but I remember all these places. I remember them in pieces, and burning, but now it's like it never happened."

Her gaze faded into middle distance. "It most definitely happened. But we moved on, Mika. What else could we do?"

I nodded. "Maybe I left too soon," I whispered. "I haven't moved on yet."

"You will. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting what happened. Or who you lost." Her voice dropped to nary a whisper. "Or what you couldn't protect."

"We did what we could, didn't we?" I smiled. "Well, not me, I guess."

"No, you too, Mikael. You did as much as anyone could ask you to." With a gentle slap of her leg, Aunt Heidi sat back down. "And just like everyone else, you bear the scars for trying. Not every scar is merely skin deep."

I hung my head, suddenly feeling like lead. "I know. But what can I do now?"

"As you said. All you can do is move on. I have a question to ask you. About now."

I blinked. "Sure."

"What happened? Why did someone ring your neck like that?" She leaned forward. "Mika. Are you... safe on that craft?"

It took a moment for me to understand. "O-oh, yes, I'm fine." I felt my skin flush under my fur. "No, no, it wasn't - nobody in the crew did this. Everyone's pretty great on Oberon. Well. Except Dorian. But he wouldn't do something like that."

"Then can you tell me what happened?" She bit her lip. "I'm worried for you. Come on, sit down and tell me."

So I did. I sat down beside her on one chair, and she took the other guest chair, and I told her everything. From the nauseating landing on Titan to the strange two males pursuing the boy. The suspicious Terrans. And the terrifying turn it all took when one of them decided to seemingly go insane...

Strangely, it came out as a rush. I stumbled over my words, frequently rewording myself, reiterating, holding on stupid details. I'd been keeping all this inside ever since it happened, but now I could cut loose. To someone who wouldn't mind, wouldn't judge me for being confused and scared.

Somehow, she managed to stay mostly silent until I had finished. But all the while her expressions got more and more stony.

For a long time after I'd finished, she just stared at me. Finally, she swallowed loud enough for me to hear.

"I don't know what to say," she murmured. "Mika. You were incredibly brave to make that choice to take on an adult. To survive it is even more incredible."

"Thanks, I suppose."

"I mean it." Aunt Heidi frowned. "Are you sure you can trust the other Terran? I left you alone in here..."

I waved a paw. "I wanted you to. I think we can. He doesn't seem like he expected this either."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean he isn't involved in dangerous things." She straightened. "You're assuming that Weiss guy just snapped or something. What if it's not as simple as that?"

A chill wracked my nerves. "I d-don't know. I don't think so." I paused. "I mean. He's not as dangerous as the other guy at least."

"Not physically. That doesn't stop him from being extremely dangerous in other ways. Possibly far more dangerous. Mika, be careful."

I nodded. "I will. But I really don't think he expected his partner to, well, you know. He almost got killed himself."

"Probably not. But that just means he has some other motivation you don't know yet. Assume this Weiss person didn't just go crazy for no reason; who and why would you travel around with someone like that? Can't there be any other reason for his actions?"

I frowned. "There was something. Something the guy said when he was choking me."

Aunt Heidi folded her paws in her lap and leaned forward. "What?"

"He called me... C.O.A.? Something like that?" I cocked an ear at her. "What's a C.O.A.? He was saying all sorts of crazy things, but that stood out."

Instantly, Auntie's entire demeanor changed. Her jaw dropped and she stared at me, hard.

"Wh-what?" I flushed. "What is it?"

"C.O.A.?" She muttered. "You don't know what that is?"

"No."

Now she leaned back in her chair, seemingly considering it. And considering me. "You really haven't heard of them? They're an organization based in the far outer system."

"Of course not. They sound silly. What do they do?"

"Well." Her stare got harder. "What they do is bombings. Kidnapping. Supply disruption. Q-strikes."

My stomach inverted. "Queue?"

"Pretending to be transport craft or something like that, before firing weapons, or turning their drives on other craft."

"Why?!"

Auntie thought for a moment. Then started tapping at the keyboard of her boxy laptop. A few seconds later, she turned it around on the desk, displaying the screen to me. "I can't think of anyone else who can explain this to you better..."

Confused, I watched on as the screen flickered and blinked, before finally displaying a coherent image.

One of an older wolf, bracing himself against a polished oak podium, his fur was dark gray, mottled with black. He had drawn himself up imposingly, a heavy tan jacket settled on his broad shoulders. Behind him was a plain red curtain, pleated neatly. Even before he spoke, something about him instantly chilled me: a grotesque burn scar had exposed the marred flesh around his right eye, leaving a trail of decimated fur to his neck. A thick notch was carved from his right ear, a hewed flap of skin being all that remained.

"Who is-?!"

"You'll see." Auntie avoided my gaze, standing up and walking over to her bookcase. "Let him explain."

I frowned. Before I could say anything more, however, the recording spoke.

"My name is Arcas," intoned the wolf on screen, a surprisingly rich baritone emanating from the laptop's speakers. "And I speak for the disenfranchised, the exploited, and the dead."

"The dead?" I murmured to myself.

"With zero hesitation, I claim responsibility for the attack on the UTCS Ningirsu, and with zero hesitation I advise the feckless Terran princes that further attacks on their holdings in this region of the system will be forthcoming. And will persist until our actions finally close in upon their strongholds around our binding star." The wolf's expression was impressively neutral. "Free of your toxic, barely self-perpetuating rot, the colonists of the Outer System have forged an identity of our own, and broken free of your shackles of institutional control. We've committed, to you, the unforgivable crime of self-determination. For this crime, you condemned to death, despair and destitution untold thousands, and all for what? Profits? Power? And you think we'd simply bow our heads and beg for the safety of our old chains? Do you think you'll be safe? That we won't make you pay in blood for the suffering you've caused?!"

A sudden roar of applause and shouting erupted, and the wolf fell silent, waiting for its end. He scanned the area beyond the camera, seemingly observing his crowd. His expression didn't change as he waited for them to quiet down.

Eventually, they did. "Will never forget what happened to the people of Samarkand, a peaceful research outpost," he growled. "We will never forgive what happened to the thousands slaughtered on Ganymede-2_when you shattered their dome without even a negotiation, nor the homes demolished and the families torn apart at _Senkyo, nor the massacred crew of the Edelia, nor the countless children consigned to starve and beg for their very survival right this moment at spaceports all around the sun. If you thought, somehow, in the perverted recesses of your small minds, that we would, then I'm here to show you the bodies of your cowardly soldiers, and tell you that this fantasy won't happen!" His voice rose to a snarling roar, and a heavy paw crashed down on the podium. The unseen crowd cheered.

I swallowed. There was something electrifying about the wolf's words. The rhythmic cadence of his tone, the precise emphasis, the controlled but raw emotion.

Deep down, I felt my own anger rising as well. I couldn't help it, even as a tiny voice inside me shouted a distant warning.

"This our home, our cold void, and these are our factories, our spacecraft, communities we built, resources we mine, they are not yours to simply take! I direct the most important part of this transmission to your amoral tools - the child-killing, unthinking automatons in the UTCS, and the unscrupulous agents you pay and equip to murder anyone who dares cry out under your exploitation. Any agents of Terra who have the temerity to operate in our systems, know that you do so at risk to your very life. You are in enemy territory. Every corner you turn, every docking you make, and every person you see, they could be your last. We will visit on you violence equal in part to what you inflicted on us, and if you continue to kill and starve our children, then your own had better beware. These moons do not belong to you or your masters. And in time, we will bring this crusade for justice to your lavish palaces on Terra itself. We will finally end the brutal reign of that bloated relic, whose time has long passed."

The crowd erupted once again, with discrete howls of "death to Terra!" piercing the raucous yells.

"The solar system shall belong to the people that toil for its wealth - and we are the vanguard of liberty!" The façade of indifference, or perhaps rather cold fury, disappeared and the wolf threw a fist into the air above him, fangs bared. "We are the future! We are The Children of Arion! Those who fight and struggle together, born from the chilly depths of Neptune and beyond, and bound together by our bonds of loss and injustice! Let the princes of Terra hear your anger! Let them hear it, and if they have the benefit of good sense... let them fear it!!"

The crowd absolutely exploded. Hollering and screaming incoherently. The wolf's gaze settled at last on the camera itself, and I felt an eerie tingle as his eyes seemed to look into my own.

Without a word, Auntie stalked over to her laptop and smacked it closed.

I stared at her, at a loss for words. "A-Auntie..."

She didn't look at me, instead staring at her desk as she slammed the laptop shut. "Mika," she murmured, "this is who you're getting involved with. Whether you like it -- or know it -- at all. Be careful."

Trying to lighten the mood, I raised my paws. "I-I don't know that guy!" I gave her a half-hearted smirk. "Come on, how long do you think I could put up with someone who talked like that?"

Finally, she looked at me directly again. "Mika. You don't recognize him?"

"N-no. Should I?"

Her gray eyes seemed to shimmer for a moment. Like how heat would bend the air around a thermal transfer pipe. Then she shook her head. "Maybe not."

Before I could ask any of the dozen questions that suddenly appeared in my mind, there was a sharp rap on the door.

"Doctor," a dulled voice came. "We need you to review the patient transfer data."

An awkward pause. After a moment, she called out. "I'll be right there."

With that, she stood and walked to the door.

"Auntie..."

But she suddenly smiled at me. "It's okay, Mika," she said, brushing her long, sandy head-fur out of her eyes. "Just be careful. I think you're being pulled into more than you understand just now. But I can't say for sure, either."

"I-I think you're right."

She gave me a brief smile. A second later she had pulled the door open and disappeared, leaving me sitting there, gormless and confused in my borrowed cotton robe. After a few moments, I realized she wasn't coming back. I stood and walked around the polished oak bureau.

I reached out, taking the first of the photograph frames, and setting it upright.

What I saw was the gleaming smile of a lapin, not half my age. A familiar face, framed by long silver-blonde head-fur and two long, ribbon-like ears that draped over the front of her shoulders neatly.

A chill swept over me, freezing me to the spot. I stood perfectly still for a moment.

Then, in a sudden frenzy, I lurched across the table and flipped the second frame. Then the third. Then the forth.

Faces, faces frozen in time; smiles, grins, snapshots of confidence and vivacity. Young faces, not a single one as old as I was now. Faces I remembered, shining bright through the haze that accompanied memories long buried.

Numbness buckled my legs, and I stumbled back to the chair. I fell on it heavily, staring listlessly at the blue carpet I could vaguely feel below my bare feet. It blurred into a flat nothing, and something deep inside me, something small and inconsequential, gave a sick cry that echoed throughout my entire mind. Though on the outside, I wasn't capable of making a sound.

So that was it. Out of all the kids who had been in that classroom that day...

... I was the last.

***

"Is it in yet?" a voice from above cried. "Give it a good shove!"

I grunted affirmatively, and pushed my shoulder into the thick bamboo strut - keeping it aligned with the notch in the wooden vault above.

With a cheer, the raccoon guy started hammering in the final stake, securing the last part of his new home's wooden frame. The rhythmic thump of the mallet sent vibrations through my whole body.

I looked around at the construction site - when I had first arrived here about two hours ago, it had been nothing but a bare concrete foundation with a few wrought iron pillars at the corners. But now, the outline of a house was almost complete.

Some few hours ago, I woke up in my bed and the clinic, and immediately realized I couldn't handle staying there for another cycle, especially not alone. So I forced away the analgesics' haze and struggled free of the heavy sheets as soon as I could - after all, I didn't even have a book or a PDT to keep me distracted. It was time for me to finally face Samarkand as it was now.

Dane had gone to a local clothing warehouse and found me a red tank-top, dark brown cargo-pants and some half-boots. More or less what I liked to wear while watchstanding on Oberon, though he'd definitely been thinking ahead; I had to tighten the belt so much that the waist crumpled, and I felt swallowed up by the loose fabric. Still, as I strode out the front door of the clinic without looking back, I had to admit it was comfortable.

I headed straight for the nearest community center - Samarkand's homes and amenities were organized into sub-communities of about a hundred homes, each one having a community hub where the residents would meet and vote.

I remembered these community centers from when I was a younger, I had misty, distant memories of attending meetings and discussions, and remembered being asked my opinion just the same as anyone else, even my own parents. We would work things out together, and act as one. Things were very different now.

Perhaps it was nostalgia. Maybe I just wanted to connect with Samarkand as it was now, and see what had changed or stayed the same.

When I arrived at the simple cubic structure, larger than the homes surrounding it, I wasn't surprised to see it was busy. On the outside, people were tending to the wall-climbing vines, or painting murals together on one of the spacious walls. Inside, many of the rooms were in-use, including the central atrium. From what I could tell, there were meetings, votes being held, hobbies and craft guilds, and the occasional heated argument.

Not even Samarkandians always got along, after all.

Eventually, I came across a few members of the construction guild looking over a worksite plan. I asked if they needed a hand, and told them I was a 'general hand' on a spacecraft. The youngest of all of them, a little younger than Dane, was a raccoon who excitedly asked if I'd help build his house.

Moments later, I was wearing a yellow over-vest with a reflective strip and a helmet was firmly buckled to my head, enduring a safety briefing, and then we all trudged off to the construction site together. I'd spent the last few hours just trying to help, though with my lack of training and smaller size, I had mostly just been asked to hold or fetch things, occasionally help get things in position or help load up the small crane.

Still, it felt good to work in a team and visibly see the progress we'd made. And as the experienced builders started to secure the strut I'd just helped to put in place, I took the chance to survey our work. Feeling the satisfaction of a job well-done, even if there was still much more to do before it would actually resemble a house.

Snapping me back to the present, the construction team leader, a thickly built badger, clapped a meaty paw down on my shoulder - I managed to avoid buckling under it, though only just. "How's it looking? Feel secure?"

I coughed, then gave him a thumbs-up. "Y-yeah."

"Thanks for your help." The badger grinned at me. "You know, it's not often we get spacer-kids who know how we do things around here."

"Was born here."

The badger recoiled. "Oh. Shit. I guess you were one of the ones who had to get a place on a 'craft."

"Hm."

"Well. How's it feel to be back home?"

I smiled wryly. "Dunno. More spacious."

"Can't be hard to be more spacious than a flying radioactive food tube. Well, you picked a good time to come back. There's a festival later tomorrow."

My ears perked. "Really?" I cleared my throat-- or tried to. Though it was much better than before, it still felt like I was gargling sandpaper. "It's the end of the month?"

"Right. The central plaza near the water-reclamation spire, most of the dome will be there. A hologram show, some dancing, I think, and a few other things like that. Around seven-seventy-five."

That wry smirk of mine turned into a genuine smile. I remembered these events from when I was younger, and instantly I wanted to show the others. To share it with them.

"You can come along with us if you like. We attend as a guild with our families, though anyone can come."

"Thanks," I huffed, cursing my weak voice. "But I think I'll try and go with my crew."

"Hope to see you there, kid, you're a hard worker, and that usually means someone who plays equally hard." The big guy gave a gruff laugh, clapping my shoulder again. "Anyway, we're going to wrap it up for this cycle. If you still want to help out, just get everything put away that has to be put away and set out the stuff we'll need when we come back tomorrow." I nodded, and the genial badger turned to address the others. "Time to go home, everybody!"

I sighed and took the chance to unbuckle my helmet. I ran a paw through my matted head-fur. I hadn't realized I'd worked up such a sweat. I must've been really focused on the job.

I chanced another glance upwards. The dome above us was well-lit, with LEDs embedded in the thick honeycomb-like frame. Saturn's milky-orange presence dominated the view through the dome, as it always had. Enceladus was tidally locked after all.

My stomach flip-flopped, and I cast my eyes to the concrete between my feet almost immediately. I could ignore it, but only as long as I didn't look at it...

A familiar voice drifted across from the other side of the construction site. "Heyo, Mikael!"

It was Niklas. The caracal stood a few meters from the concrete foundation, his paws in his khaki jacket's pockets, grinning broadly.

I waved at him and started walking over.

"Shouldn't take that off when you're on site, kid." Nik grinned, tapping the mop of blonde fluff on his head.

Quickly, I slapped the helmet back on my head in case any of the builders looked over. "Shush."

The feline just laughed. "Kio okazos, kid? You could've told them at the clinic you were off to go build houses."

"I didn't know where I was going until I got there," I told him.

"One of those situations, huh. Well, look, listen, I have something for you." He scratched his nose. "Uh. Well."

I raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. It's just, well." He took a deep breath. "You know, I just suck at being serious. Mika." He looked directly into my eyes. "Look. I did some digging in the colonial database's open records. I found a few things you might find interesting."

"What is it?"

"Well. First of all, I found something interesting about our Terran friend. And as a result of that, I found something else." He lowered his voice. "Mika. Did you want to know where your mother was buried?"

***

The cemetery was quiet, as expected. A small grass field across the street from the westernmost community, just where the thick, reinforced structure of the dome met the colony's perimeter, unmarked and unfenced. Almost like a small garden, where you could sit, looking upward at the infinite, black sky, and wonder. Small, glittering quartz gravestones in ordered rows, many adorned with flowers. Sobering simplicity.

I found my mother's memorial easily. Hers was in the middle of the garden of somber monuments, an unassuming, undecorated slate; a name etched by a skilled hand.

I wasn't sure what I had been expecting. Some sort of sense of closure or something, maybe. Or just to somehow feel better. Instead, just reading her name on the bare stone took the strength out of me. I stood there like an idiot, staring at it.

When I exhaled, it was like all my energy was carried away into the air. I dropped to my knees, and just knelt there. Waiting to feel something.

That etched name, a deep scratch in a smooth rock, was all that was left of my mother. That, and what few memories that name could recall for anyone who remembered her. I don't think my father had a memorial. There was nothing to bury, after all.

It didn't take long for my mind to go down the same path it had gone before.

Why did they decide my mum and dad have to die? What I would do to find the coward that killed her, and ask him that. I wondered how he'd feel, to be the one helpless in front of a gun. To know that I could take him away from his family, just as he'd taken her from me.

It wasn't even anger. I genuinely wondered.

Was he ever sad about the innocent people they killed? Or the ones that starved because of their blockades? Did any of them ever even know - really know - why they'd came here, or did they just assume everything they were told to do was always right and good?

Finally seeing that name engraved in quartz, I realized then that I'd probably never be able to understand anyone like that - and that scared me.

A gentle rustling came from somewhere behind me, and my drooping ears perked. Probably another mourner.

It was almost a minute later when I heard a voice. "Mikael?"

I turned my head, and through the veil of my overlong head-fur I recognized Masden. The leopard was looking at me with a concerned expression, his paws stuffed in the pockets of his plain brown travelers jacket, and his own white head-fur a scraggly, disheveled mess.

"You got me, I guess," I muttered, giving him a wry smirk. Slowly and awkwardly, I dragged myself to my feet, swiping at my damp eyes.

"Not at all," he told me. "Cemeteries make everyone sad. I suppose you didn't hear me. I've been here for a few minutes now."

I glanced over. "Are you looking for somebody?"

"Oh." He smiled wanly, reaching up to push his fingers through his thin hair. "I was just... I've been told someone I know is interred here. A-a colleague of mine, who was here when it happened."

I nodded. My feet felt like lead, and I just stared at the base of the quartz memorial. "Someone you cared a lot about?"

"Yes." He coughed to try and cover up the catch in his voice. "Very much so."

"I know how that feels, I guess."

He shuffled closer, turning to face the simple marker. Suddenly, I heard him inhale sharply.

"Mikael," Masden murmured. "I-is this your-?"

"My mother, yeah. They must've identified her when I was gone."

"I can't believe-" He cut himself off. "M-Mikael?"

"You wanted to know what happened," I whispered, "didn't you."

He paused. "Well. Yes."

When I tried to look at my mother's name again, etched into the smooth mineral, it seemed dull. Far away, somehow. Unreal. Eventually, I realized everything did, including the Terran next to me.

I must've taken several seconds before it just came out. "It was your daughter, wasn't it? That's who you're looking for."

He blinked at me, taken aback.

I shrugged wanly. "I remembered seeing a lady that looked like you, just before it happened. She hung around my mother's lab a lot. Was really nice, I remember. I checked for her name. It's not the same as yours."

Masden took a deep breath. "No. I'm not using my real name."

"I figured. I won't ask. Nobody has the right to know your business." A short bark of laughter somehow escaped my throat, a giddy, emotional chortle. "It's funny. Everyone here knew everyone else's business. But after that day, everywhere I went, people wouldn't talk. Spaceports, my first craft, everywhere, everyone; people were so cold and tired. When I was transferred to the Oberon, Dane scared me so much just by being nice to me. He offered me some shitty soup and I started crying. And here you are, asking me to talk about it all. About the time everyone stopped talking."

"It's no wonder you and Dane are close then." He coughed again. "He doesn't want me to ask you about that day. That cycle, sorry."

"I know."

"He said it'd be too hard for you to talk about."

"Yeah."

"Will you tell me anyway?"

"I don't know if I can," I admitted. "I was very small. I think was about eight or so Terran years old, all I ever cared about was my studies. I just loved to read, all the time."

The adult stepped closer. Just a fraction of a meter. "You have to understand, they won't tell us the truth on Terra. Not without just enough dissemblance and confusion to muddy the issue beyond all sense. Between what the our governments, the activists, and the Outer System rebels assert, between the lies and rationalizations, there has to be some sort of truth. Somewhere in there." Slowly, I looked over and up at him. His eyes were watery and reddened, staring right into mine. He took one paw out of his jacket pocket, seemingly unthinkingly, and gently clutched at the pendant around his neck. "Somewhere, there's the truth about why my little girl had to..."

"I can't tell you that," I said flatly, looking away again. "I don't think anyone had to die. I think Terrans killed them, because they could. Nobody had to."

"And maybe that's the truth." He rubbed his face. "I don't have to ask you, I know. I can probably ask just about anyone else here, couldn't I? I'll-"

I cut him off. "I saw the first missile coming down. Watched it fall." It was like someone else was talking. The voice I heard was as hollow as I felt. "The first attack in the Suppression. They nuked the mine just outside on the Eastern ice-ridge, the deep-drill facility. Almost shattered the dome. I found out later that they threatened to blow the entire thing apart if we didn't let them dock. Before I knew it, they were on the roads and in our homes."

"Mikael?"

"You lost somebody too. I'd want to know what happened to her." I felt myself start to tremble. "Besides, you want to hear it from me, don't you?"

"Yes. Yes, that's true. I think that, at least from your perspective, you'll tell me the truth."

I gave a curt nod. "From what I know, there was a meeting in the mine. They'd just made a big discovery there, and the unions - um, O.S.T.U., the Outer Systems Transport and Traders' Unions - had gathered their elected representatives there to talk about the situation with Terra."

"The helium-three stand-off," Masden said. "Some radical terrorist group had apparently taken over the mining facilities around Saturn and Jupiter, refusing to allow trade with Terra and holding key personnel hostage. That's the official story, anyway. I'm guessing it wasn't accurate."

"Terrorists?" I repeated. "I didn't hear anything about that. Nothing about any hostages. Sounds like a lie." I shook my head. "I was really young during all this, Doc. But it was everybody. Everyone who worked in those places, everyone in the colonies, everyone on the transport haulers. We were sick of being treated like machines, like slaves, forced to work for food and meds - especially in the factory colonies. People were sick, and tired, and dying. Nobody was saying that things should stay as they were, except for the Terrans in charge."

"And the negotiations? I heard the UTCS was trying to negotiate the release of hostages when they came here?"

"What negotiations? There were no hostages, the Terrans were free to leave or stay. Terra just said 'no' to everything. The unions tried to resume trading, just with the people who worked in the factories in charge now, but the Terrans said no. They wanted to be in control, and that was that, so they sent the UTCS to get what they wanted. That's what I know."

"I see." Masden sighed. "What happened when they took over the streets?"

I crushed my thumbs into my palms with my fingers, squeezing until they hurt. "I'm not sure. A-after the dome cracked, I didn't know what to do. The alarms were so loud. Everyone was screaming or panicking. The dome had almost cracked. I saw people with guns, I didn't even know what they were. When I saw the first espatiers I just ran away and tried to hide. They were scary and shouting and I had no idea what they wanted."

"What did they do?"

"I think they secured the airlocks and entrances from the landing ports, then went straight to all the community centers. But more and more of them kept arriving. They started kicking in doors, looking for anyone that supported the Federated Unions. Taking them away and keeping them at the community centers. They burned a lot of houses, or blew them up. A lot of people just disappeared. They came to my school eventually." I spaced out for a moment, staring into middle distance as I tried to put words to my memories. "They said that some of the teachers were Unionists, and started taking them away. They shot people. They shot my friend, and just let her die. Just because she was scared and tried to run away."

Masden visibly recoiled. "A child? Did anyone fight back?" His expression seemed desperate.

"No. Not really. Almost nobody." I shuddered suddenly. "I-I didn't know people could do this stuff. I-I didn't, I'd never seen it. I thought... were Terrans some kind of monster? How could they-? What the shit is _wrong_with you people?!"

"Mikael, you don't need to say any-"

"No, I do! I have to say it a lot more! Fuck Terra! Fuck the UTCS! Fuck them all! Your fucking entire plane-" But my snarling trailed off, and I found myself blinking at the ground. The wave of sudden emotion receded and left me feeling numb and sheepish. "Sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" The adult reached out as if to touch me, then sharply pulled away. "I understand. It's okay. You don't have to keep going."

"Well, you wanted to know what they did, what Terrans did to us," I grated, swiping my eyes dry with my forearm. "They killed my dad. My mom. My friends. My teachers. And when they left, this place was full of rubble and death, hours from our oxygen processors from failing. They destroyed our food farms in the main dome and outside. They did whatever they wanted. We didn't matter. Nobody mattered, guess not even your daughter. That's what they did."

"But why?" whispered Masden. "Why did they kill children? Why my daughter?"

"I don't know why. Who cares why? Why don't you go ask your government or whatever." I sank down into a squat on to the soft grass, my knees to my chest. "I'm sorry. Talking about this stuff..."

Masden shuffled slightly. I wasn't looking, but I could tell he was staring at me.

There was so much more, more detail, more people I could talk about. More people that were no longer here to tell their own story.

"Ever since then," I whispered, "I felt so small. If something like it happened again, there'd be nothing I could do. If I think about it too long, it's like I go back to then, and feel all of that helplessness again. I think about how I can't change anything, I'm not even in charge of my own life anymore, and I never was. And sometimes I dream about it. I dream I'm back there again, it's like I can never..."

"Mikael."

"Hnh."

"Most of us on Terra, we never heard any of this. At least, I didn't." Masden knelt near me, but he conspicuously hung back. A meter or so, though it might as well have been a kilometer wide gulf. "Please understand. It wasn't Terrans that did this. Most of us had no idea. We didn't do this. We're not even one single government, or particularly united."

I thought for a moment. "I know, I heard that before. Everyone keeps telling me that. But I guess I just don't understand."

"I don't know what I can tell you. To be honest, I don't fully understand either." He stood. "I'll be asking your crew something very soon. I'll need your help. I need you to trust me, Mikael."

"A Terran?" I snorted, trying to act like it was a joke.

"No. A person. Someone who has felt loss, as you have." He reached up to his neck again, feeling around for the clasp on his pendant. "Here."

With a snap, the chain around the adult's neck separated, and he offered the small silver amulet out to me.

I blinked. "Huh?"

"Open it. It's a little fiddly."

Respectfully, I took it with both paws. It was heavy - solid steel or silver, I wasn't sure, a dense circular coin of metal with a thick hinge on one side. With a frown, I tried to pry the stiff clasp apart.

After a moment, the amulet snapped open.

And a face was looking up at me. Printed on glossy paper, secured on one side of the clamshell amulet by some metal tabs. A smiling, long-haired clouded-leopard with snow-white headfur, swept over one shoulder whimsically.

"Your daughter?" I asked.

"Right. Take out the photograph. It's folded."

"You sure?"

"More sure than I've been about anything on this trip, Mikael."

I gave him a half-smile. "You can call me Mika. Everyone does." I pressed gently onto the photograph, just below the leopardess's face, and slowly worked it from side to side, eventually freeing it from the metal tabs.

Putting the amulet down on the grass between my legs, I held the stiff circle of paper in my fingers. It was indeed folded, into a rough circle so it would fit in the amulet. I slowly straightened it out.

My breath caught. "That's..."

"That's the last photograph I ever received of my daughter," murmured Masden, finally collapsing to his backside and crossing his stiff legs. "She sent that as an attachment to her communique over the sys-net, only a few days before the UTCS made their move. Knowing how things unfolded, when I received it, I suppose she was probably already dead."

My jaw dropped, and I felt a tingle throughout my entire body. Looking up at me, smiling in what seemed like genuine happiness, was my mother's face. The mischievously glinting green eyes, the brilliantly white, toothy smile, and the fur as black as the sky above. It was crumpled, white fold-lines bisecting her face. But it was her. "W-why?"

"They had just made an amazing discovery. Something incredible, but it was forgotten in the death and chaos that followed." Masden sniffed. I looked over at him. His eyes were watering, too. "It didn't seem right to cut out the person my daughter had spent her final hours celebrating with. Who had worked with her, who should've been named alongside her in every biology textbook from that day on. So I kept her in the photograph. I've worn that ever since I heard."

I tried to speak, but I just choked. I quickly rubbed at my eyes again.

"Mika. I want you to do something for me."

"W-what?" I felt myself about to cry again.

Masden sounded almost the same way. "You don't have a picture of your mother, do you? You don't have anything on that cramped spacecraft of yours, do you?"

"N-no. My clothes, I guess."

"Please keep that. Wear it, with the photograph. I'll need it back eventually, for a short while. But then you can keep it."

I shook my head. "B-but what about, I mean, it's your daughter, too?"

"Yes. And I can't think of anyone else I'd trust with it. It's the least I can do; if I do nothing else on this voyage, I want to prove it to you. Prove to you that not all Terrans are the monsters you think they are."

Slowly, I looked up at him. The amulet feeling like a chunk of osmium in my paw, and the unfolded photograph like a live wire. "Why?"

"Because maybe I won't be able to do anything more than that. Maybe I'm powerless just like you are, alone and useless, and this is all the good I can do."

Our eyes met again, and I felt a strange warmth, somewhere in my chest.

"Alright. I can do that for you. Thanks, Doc."

"No. Thank you, Mika."

***

There was a welcoming committee when I return to my room at the clinic.

"Welcome back," Dane mumbled as I slunk into the room. He, Nik and - to my disappointment - Dorian were waiting for me, all seated in the simple metal-framed chairs by the bed where I'd spent most of the last cycle.

"Thanks," I replied dryly, letting the door shut behind me. "Were you waiting for me?"

"Cheeky bastard," grumbled Dorian, reaching down to tug at his bootlaces. "Where the shit did you go, not telling anyone at all?"

"Thanks for your patience." I smirked slightly, then deliberately shifted my gaze away from the grumpy fox. "What's wrong?"

Dane got up and walked over to me. He embraced me roughly. "Nothing's wrong," he told me. "But, next time, leave us a note or something, okay? Niklas and I walked everywhere looking for you."

I nestled against him for a brief moment. "Sorry, I didn't know where I was even going."

"I get you." The dingo stepped back and sat back down, gesturing for me sit on the bed. "Your voice sounds much better now."

"It feels better."

Niklas crossed his legs, stuffing his paws into a heavy, red jacket I'd not seen before. It swallowed his slim form with its padded shoulders and quilted fabric. "Yo, Mika, we've got to talk."

"About what?" Suppressing any outward signs of anxiety, or so I hoped, I slipped onto the neatly made bed. Trying not to think about how my filthy, construction-site tainted pants were fouling the freshly laundered sheets.

I knew this was coming. The three adult males searched one another's faces. I even saw Niklas give a subtle nod.

"Well, Jin wants to see you." He leaned back and slouched in the chair. Far too much to be natural. "He's awake now."

"Great," I said immediately. "Where is he?"

"In the clinic a few blocks over." Niklas shot me a look - one that told me probably a lot more than he intended. "Mika."

"How bad is it?"

"Not for me to say. He wants to talk to you, and he's the captain."

I sat on the bed, and gave a short nod. "When can I go?"

"Whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready now."

The adults shared another glance. I think they knew I was aware something was wrong.

"Come on," murmured Dane, stood and opened the heavy ward door. "We'll take you now. Let's get this over with."

Yes, I thought, swallowing the lump that had suddenly appeared in my throat, let's.

***

It really was only a short walk to the next clinic, a few of Samarkand's verdant, clean streets away. The moment I saw the building, I knew it was our destination, and I knew that something was wrong.

Atop the wide, glass entrance doors was a sign in bright, eye-catching orange: "Neurological Recovery & Rehabilitation Clinic", right above its building ID of "MDCL-12" in subscript. A tall boxy structure made of thick concrete painted white, the pathway to the entrance shaded by tall, flowering bamboo trees in the garden-beds that ran parallel to it; it looked only slightly less brutal and unfriendly than some of the buildings I'd seen on Titan.

A grassy field to the side of the clinic itself boasted a gently burbling fountain in a small decorative lake, and several polished wooden benches. A handful of white-shirted orderlies were attending to a pair of confused looking furs in dressing gowns as they milled aimlessly around the tiny park. A fox-child about half my own age was by the fountain, holding a vague-looking adult raccoon's paw and speaking quietly to them, a gentle smile on his face - it didn't look like the raccoon was listening to him. Or paying attention to anything at all.

My stomach tightened as we passed through the automatic doors, and the bizarre olfactory concoction of anti-septic and scented air-freshener hit my nose.

"He's in the room at the back," murmured Dane, leading me right past the clinic's reception and into the maze of carpeted corridors. Thankfully, most of the doors - which were on sliding rails, instead of traditional hinges - were closed, though I could hear unsettling sounds behind some of them.

Niklas, who had been trailing behind me and trying to do something on his PDC, sidled up to me. "They're mostly spacers," he whispered, lowering his head. "Neurological damage from traveling in poorly maintained craft with bad radiation shielding, or working with nasty chemicals in la-grange stations. Maybe they just had an accident. The franchises just offload them at their home-port, ditching them as they would spoiled cargo."

I swallowed. "They're all... they're all brain-damaged?"

"To some extent, I guess."

"Then, Jin-?"

Dane cut us off. "Through here." He turned a corner, and came to a stop, pointing ahead. "He's in there."

I stopped alongside him, staring at the shut sliding door at the end of the corridor ahead. "You, uh, aren't coming?"

"No, he wants to talk to you in private." My mate sighed, smiling at me. "We've already talked, Mika. He specifically wants to talk to you now."

I looked from him to Niklas and back. "You can't tell me what it's about?"

Dane shrugged. "No idea, but it's supposed to be a personal discussion. It'll be alright, Mika."

I shifted from foot to foot for a moment, thinking. "You think so, huh?" I took a deep breath. "Alright."

"We'll be in the park outside, okay?"

"Right." I sighed and started towards the door, refusing to turn around as I heard Nik and Dane's footsteps disappearing back down the corridor. I walked over to the thick wooden door, held my breath for a moment, then knocked three times.

"Mikael?" I heard a voice mumble. "Is that you?"

"Y-yes," I called back, resting a paw on the door handle. "Do you want me to come in?"

"Of course. Come in."

The door slid noisily to the side, revealing a darkened room. The ceiling mounted fluorescents were off, and I could just make out the shape of the Captain under the blankets in a small bunk by the far side, lying on his back.

"I've just been stuck here listening to the news," Jin murmured. "It's been awhile since we had enough downtime to catch up on things."

I shuffled in. "I guess so. Did you want me to shut the door?"

"Are the lights on? You might want to put them on first."

"Where's the switch?"

Jin snorted a laugh. "No idea. On the wall, I guess."

When I actually took the time to look, I found the light-switch on the wall by the doorway. A simple red button. I pressed it, and the lights flickered on dutifully, illuminating the small single-person ward.

Still, Jin didn't react as the lights came on, and he didn't look over at me. "How are you feeling?" he asked, keeping his eyes closed. A heavy bandage was wrapped around his head, with a thick pad pressed against his left temple underneath. "I heard what happened. Well done."

"Thanks. I'm okay." I reached up to touch my throat. "Neck's a bit bruised but I can breathe and talk now. Aunt Heidi took care of me. She loaded me up on some pretty crazy painkillers."

"That's good. How about being here?" Jin's voice was softer than usual. Sounding almost wistful. "Are you handling that alright?"

"Not really."

"I can imagine. It must be strange. Seeing it destroyed, then coming back to see it as if nothing happened. Being away for so long, you didn't see the painful process of rebuilding."

"I probably would've starved if I stayed here."

"Many did." Jin shifted at last, scooting back up onto his pillows. His eyes were still closed. "Did you ever have any idea what you wanted to do once you were too old to just be a rat in a nuclear powered cage?"

"No."

"Never thought about it?"

I lowered my gaze. "I just wanted to stay on Oberon with everybody."

"Just as a general-hand?"

"I would like to be an engineer or navigator," I confessed. "But I didn't get to go to classes. Dane tries to help, but I think people would contract a qualified engineer from the trade-unions over me. The franchise would never hire me on."

"Probably. And there aren't that many of those roles going around." Jin sighed. "But you don't care about the credits, do you?"

"No, sir. I just want a place to live. And people I care about."

"Roles are competitive even for general-hands, now."

"That's why I don't want to leave Oberon. J-Jin, will I have to-?"

He smiled at me, and that cut me off quicker than anything else could've. "Not yet."

"Why won't you open your eyes?"

Confusingly, Jin's smile broadened. "You always catch me off-guard," he chortled. "Then again, you're always listening, aren't you? Tucked away somewhere, listening as if we might do something behind your back."

"Are you hurt?" I sniffed. "Captain. What'll happen to Oberon if-?"

"That's up to you, Mikael. It's why I called you here."

I blinked. "What?"

Jin struggled up onto his elbows, shuffling back until he was somewhat sat upright. "We're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's get to the important things first. Bring up that chair over there and sit down by the bed so I can talk to you."

"Aye-aye."

"Don't start that."

"I meant it."

"I don't believe you." He snorted.

Smiling wanly, I maneuvered the plastic chair closer to the bed and sat down.

Jin must've heard me sit, because his eyes didn't even flicker. "Listen, Mika. Ever since you've been living with us, I've been investing in an account for you - it's a bit complicated to explain, especially to someone from here, but I've been putting aside your contracted wage and some extra in a fund tied to the profits of a few Terran corporations, as well as our own transport franchise. Whatever else you do from this point on, you should talk to Niklas about withdrawing all of those credits. The stink is about to hit the ventilation, so you can't leave your savings in the hands of Terrans."

"I don't understand."

"Niklas will. Just get it done, I don't want to have been paying you for this long for nothing." Jin took a deep breath. "The other thing is, and I think you've been thinking about this for a while, but you have to decide if you will stay on the Oberon. Or if you'll go home."

"What? Why?"

"You can return home, Mikael. You can stay here. Enceladus has stabilized, the colonial governments began a repatriation program not long ago. Your records are still here, you're still a Samarkandian." Jin paused. "Do you want to go home?"

I stared at my paws, clasped in front of me. "I don't know."

"Oberon is going somewhere dangerous now. Things won't be the same. You don't have to be part of it, you can stay here." Jin's voice was softer than I'd ever heard it.

"This isn't my home," I sighed. "My home was burned. I look at it now and... I can't put-"

"It's like a ghost, isn't it?" Jin sighed. "Only it isn't dead. It looks the same, but you know what happened. Death and loss. And everything you see is just a reminder of everything that's no longer there."

It took a moment for it to hit me, and then I physically jumped. "I-I, yeah."

"It must be hard to get past that, after being away for so long. In many ways, I'm sure it was easier for those stuck here."

I nodded - pointlessly, I realized.

"But you'll make friends again," Jin continued. "You'll make a new family, perhaps literally. You'll move on, Mika. I don't know if I can say the same for if you stayed aboard - we're going on a long journey."

"To Uranus?" I clasped my paws. "Why are we going out that far? It's not for a transport contract, is it?"

"Technically, it is."

"It has something to do with the C.O.A., doesn't it?"

To my surprise, Jin nodded instantly. "Yes. It does. And the trip is far more dangerous than I thought it'd be; as evidenced by the fact I'm lying here, I suppose."

"So something went wrong, right?" I half-smiled.

"Yes. I won't be going with you. I can't, now. And I can't choose for you - will you go, or will you stay?"

"Why won't you be coming with us?" I whispered, the edges of my eyes starting to blur. "You were the one who gave me a chance when everyone else wanted to throw me to the black. Why do you have to go?"

"Mika." Jin shifted some more, until he was truly sitting upright. He tilted his head, seemingly looking somewhere off to my side. A moment later, his eyes twitched. Flickering open and closed; giving me a brief glimpse of the whites of his eyes. Eventually, his eyelids snapped open. His amber eyes were partially rolled back. Clearly focusing on nothing at all.

"You can probably tell," Jin murmured. A catch in his voice. "They said I won't see again, the bastard hit me so hard."

"J-Jin... C-captain." I started out of my chair, before catching myself and slowly sinking back down. What did I think I was going to do?

"I might have a chance at recovery," he elucidated, not sounding particularly confident, "but it'll be a long process that'll need a high-technology treatment center like back on Titan. I decided - rather, Chief did - that we're going back to Senkyo. There, well. That's where my family lives, where else would I go?" He snorted again. "Where else would my story end?"

"Don't say it like that," I mumbled.

Jin pushed past that. "Mikael, I can't take this away from you. You can stay here and make a new life for yourself." Even with his eyes closed, his expression was clearly serious - and whenever Jin was serious, that meant the situation was serious. "Or you can be a part of something. Maybe even stop another Suppression from ever happening again."

My heart skipped a bit. "W-wait, what?"

"Who knows? Maybe not. That's not what matters at the moment." The panda shakily reached up to touch the side of his head. Visibly wincing. "I can't explain much at the moment. We're keeping a tight lid on the details, we have to. I'm assuming our guest has already told you that you're safer not knowing exactly what he's doing, right?"

"I did hear him say that, yeah."

"It's true. If anyone wants to leave, especially the temporary crew that were going to be leaving us now anyway, I don't want them to go spreading things around. Or to have anyone target them for information." Jin sighed. "And the same for you. If you don't want to go on a risky megasec-long trip to the ass-end of the system, then you don't need to know. It will be safer for you that way."

I stared pensively at the unseeing panda's face. "What would happen after?"

"Can't say. I can't even say that the Oberon will be able to keep flying after this. I can't say for sure that you'll be safe, during or after this trip."

A frigid chill ran down my spine. I gawked at my captain - he said that so casually. How could he?

"I know I haven't told you much," he pressed on. "And if you want my advice, you should stay here. You're still young, Mikael, and even if I told you exactly what was going on, you're not ready to make this sort of decision - you got your whole life ahead of you, if you choose to live it. But I know how you feel. You lost everything to Terra; I've got no right to make this choice for you."

I blinked. "Jin, I-"

But he cut me off. "This is an order from your captain, Mikael. It might be the last one I ever give you."

"H-huh?"

"Go ask yourself what you want to do with your life. What things are the most important to you. Then make your decision. Because, and I know you know this, everything is going to change. No matter how much we don't want it to. There's no other way for this to go."

My heart somehow plummeted even further.

But despite the chill in my veins, I knew he was right.

***

There was somewhere I had to go.

As I walked along pathways of compacted dirt and strips of grass, eyes cast to the ground, I kept asking myself what I was thinking. But I couldn't pin it down exactly; it was as if, in the wreckage of a multi-directional crash between my own inscrutable feelings, Nik's advice, the talk with Masden, and Jin casually telling me my entire universe was about to collapse, some strange idea had come together in my head. An idea telling me that I had to go 'there.'

So I did. Head down, paws in my pockets. I knew where I was going, more or less, even though things had definitely changed. In the back of my head, I wondered about it. How I knew I was going the right direction even though so many buildings and even some streets had changed.

It was probably the configuration of the clean, white lights embedded in the honeycomb structure of the dome, how they subtly moved as my perspective changed. Their exact position as I looked upwards. Or how Saturn, to which Enceladus was tidally locked, appeared to move between the hexagons. I couldn't be sure.

But it didn't take long until I saw that building in the middle of the nature strip, surrounded by dense hedges of lavender and flowering bamboo trees. The metal frame playground out the front, colorful metal skeletons for children to climb on, and swing from. The veranda and stairs that barely raised it from the ground.

I paused on the grass, and took a moment to look it over. Unthinkingly, a paw reached up to the heavy locket hanging from my neck and lightly touched it.

On the outside, the tiny schoolroom did look more or less the same. Though I immediately noticed it was empty, and the colorful collages that my friends and I had painted on the flat outside walls, with varying degrees of skill and talent, were now gone. The concrete structure was now just a dull unpainted gray, except for the varnished bamboo, dark, rich timber, that comprised the veranda. The colorful paint on the playground's metal frame was peeling, too, exposing the bare aluminum beneath. It was still identifiably the same building, otherwise.

I rubbed at my wet nose before I shuffled onward to the front door.

To my surprise, the wooden door creaked open easily once I turned the latch. It swung open lazily, the hinges creaking for want of lubricant. I slipped inside, shutting the door behind me quietly.

The sight that greeted me beyond the door was numbing. In the center of the carpeted room was a circle of beanbags, all of different colors. Small desks lined the far wall, interspersed with stocked bookshelves. Posters on the walls displayed cartoons, diagrams, and quick educational references in vivid, playful fonts.

It looked worrying familiar. I felt myself grow ever more numb. Sinking deeper into memories. I found myself staring at the carpet, and I realized I knew how its fibers felt. The smell wasn't much different either.

I walked to the bookshelf near the corner of the room. Where I had once cowered as the Terrans kicked their way inside. The sound of my shod feet shuffling along, the dull sound echoing softly off the wall; I felt extremely strange.

It was like I was in a dream. It was almost like I was back then. But when was then? I sniffed, wiping my hot eyes.

"Elementary Physics For Kids," I whispered aloud, my throat starting to tighten. Scanning the titles. "Fun Numbers..." I'd read these, years ago, usually seated next to an older kit or adult helping me get through them. Actual printed books. Some of them were light-seconds ahead of me at the time, others I had devoured one after another. Now, the spines and shelves themselves were devoid of dust or grime.

Once again I glanced at the posters. "Got questions?" one asked, showing a perplexed cartoon fox frowning at a book. "Ask someone else! Let's learn together!"

I looked over at the opposite wall. I was surprised by what I saw, but I couldn't bring myself to react to it. I just stared.

Two massive portraits were hung on it, dominating most of the wall's surface, massive photographs framed in simple varnished bamboo. Two familiar faces that smiled out into the room, one old, another tragically young. Beneath was a small table, adorned with a number of smaller photograph frames and still burning candles. On either side of the long desk that spanned almost the entire length of the wall, where I remembered the ample reading chairs had been, flowers were sat in two large, white porcelain vases - red and black roses.

Blinking, I started towards the simple shrine, my footsteps echoing hollow in the empty classroom. My fingers tingled. My tail sagged like a dead weight. An icy feeling started to settle in my chest.

When I got about halfway, I realized someone was shouting outside. It took a moment for my brain to register what my ears were hearing. A voice from outside the building. A young voice, shaky, as if the speaker was running.

"... I saw him! Ma! Come on!"

"Fay! Who are you talking about?"

"The old schoolroom!"

A moment later, the door crashed open, and I whirled around to see a diminutive figure all but fall into the classroom.

The young rabbit girl stumbled, looking around wildly. When she finally saw me, she locked eyes with me and gawped.

Startled, I just looked back at her, blinking.

Her sapphire blue eyes, flaxen headfur, and delicate, long ears worn over the front of her shoulders. The simple linen dress.

For brief instant, time almost stood still. The two of us stared; her in bemusement, me in confused shock.

"Faydra, what are you saying?"

An adult rushed into the room. Tall, wearing a likewise simple dress, long ears and golden-white headfur streamed in the air behind her. She touched the girl's shoulder, before finally thinking to look over in the same direction as her. She gasped.

I quickly looked away. I scanned the tiny shrine for a moment. Scanning the two faces smiling out into this room; this recreation. This colorful mausoleum.

Without even thinking about it, I started to stride towards the door.

"W-wait, Mika..." In the periphery of my vision, I saw the adult step forward and reach out for me. "Is it you?"

"Sorry," I mumbled, in a voice too weak for her to have possibly heard. I crashed into the door, throwing it open and rushing out onto the grass beyond.

Small footsteps rushed after me, thumping down hard on the carpeted wooden floor.

A tiny, strained voice chased me down the path. "Waaait! Did you know my sister?! Wait, please!"

I put my head down and started running. Shutting my eyes as they started to burn.

I ran until I was sure there was no way they could follow me, and then kept running. Until I could run no more.

"Mika, you're such a crybaby... "

***

"I'm busy, sorry." The muffled voice sounded tired, barely audible through the door.

Of course... I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment. My ears pinned to my head.

I knocked again anyway. "Auntie..."

There was a quiet hiatus, before suddenly the office door unlocked with a click, and was pulled open.

My biology lecturer blinked at me, sidling into the doorway. Clad in a warm, purple bathrobe. She greeted me with a mild smile. "Mika?"

"Sorry," I muttered, avoiding her gaze. "I know you're relaxing."

"It's okay. I was just reading. What's wrong?" She peered at me, crossing her arms. "What happened?"

For a moment I wasn't sure what to say. But it suddenly slipped out, between one breath and the next.

"I went back."

She stared at me for a moment, searching my face.

I couldn't meet her eyes. I lowered mine to the dull carpet. "I-I went back."

"Come in, Mika."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Come in." A paw touched my shoulder, and ushered me into the study. I shuffled on in the direction she led me, my limbs heavy and slow, and she limped along beside me.

We walked together into a side room. A reading nook, thick wooden bookcases, full of colorful spines, on all sides, and a couch covered in scratchy red fabric nestled into the corner. The lighting was warm, dim. Cozy.

"Come on, take a seat." Auntie gestured at the couch. "This is the quietest room in the clinic."

I collapsed heavily onto the cushion, and immediately let my head sink into my paws, elbows digging painfully into my legs. My tail sat on the couch behind me, heavy like led. Numb, like most of me.

"Do you need anything, Mika? Would you like something to drink, or eat?"

"No, thank you."

I felt her eyes on me as she stood in front of the couch. It was like waves of pity were washing over me. For a moment, we fell silent. I sniffled quietly to myself.

"Why did you go back?" she whispered. "You knew what would be waiting for you there."

Tears started to burn the edges of my eyes, and I blinked them away. It just made them angrier, hotter. "Cap'n Jin can't see."

A pause. "I know. I'm sorry, Mika."

"He told me the Oberon was going to stop flying." My voice cracked, and I shook my head pitifully. "I won't... I won't have a home anymore."

"You do have a home, Mika. You do. You can stay here. You can come home at last." I heard the catch in her own voice. I heard hope.

But I shook my head again. "I can't stay here, auntie. Th-that's why I went. I had to see." I sniffed loudly, disgustingly. "I saw the photographs. On your desk."

"I know."

"Do you think of them a lot?"

"Every day."

"H-haven't thought of them for so long," I confessed. It hurt. Like something twisting. Tearing. "I-I dream about them a lot though."

She sniffed then, too. I didn't look up. I barely saw the tips of her slipper-clad paws through the veil of my headfur. "Me too, Mika. That's okay."

"I should think of them more, like you," I moaned. "Why did I forget them, auntie? Why did I do that?"

"Oh, Mika, you didn't forget them!" Her voice quavered too. Almost imperceptibly. "You couldn't. It hurt, didn't it? Even now it hurts, because you remember them."

"Why did they go? Why - why didn't they kill me? Why everyone else?!" At last, I gave a real cry. I clutched at my face, unable to stop it all of sudden. "Why are we still here? How can this place just go on?! How can we just go on like it didn't happen?!"

"We go on because that's what they would've wanted, love," she breathed, turning around. "We go on because we have to, even if it means leaving somebody behind. Even if it hurts."

"Why didn't they kill me, auntie?"

"I don't know, Mikael, but I'm happy. I'm so _happy_that at least you're here with me right now. So please don't -"

"I did nothing, I just hid in the corner like a stupid little baby. Poia was brave! Arianne needed help! I didn't- I don't deserve-!"

Abruptly, she whirled back on me. "Yes, you do!" Her cry made the walls ring, and I flinched. "Everyone does. They took away what was theirs, Mika. The UTCS took them away from us! Why would you dying be any more right? Why would it be right for them to take _you_away from me too?!"

I started crying then. My shoulders started to heave, and pathetic, low sounds started to from deep in my chest. "I'm sorry."

The moment seem to hang in time. I just cried, softly. Pathetically. My mind seething with thoughts, very little of them pleasant. I thought about my childhood friends. I thought about how I would eventually lose what I'd come to think of as my new family.

I thought about how I'd killed someone.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt her any more than I had. And I knew that I would, anyway.

"Mika. Do you remember? What you said to them?"

I shook my head.

To my surprise, I heard a soft snort. "Maybe that doesn't matter for now."

"I don't want to remember."

"You should. I couldn't ever forget." She began to step towards the couch. "Mika?"

"W-what?"

"Can I sit next to you? Can I hold you? Would that help?"

Once more, she made me feel like a little kit. Suddenly, I realized I needed that. That warmth of being held by someone - anyone.

Maybe I just needed to be a boy tonight. Maybe I just needed to be me. "Yes, please."

A moment later, she settled next to me, and settled an arm over my shoulders. Instinctively, I nestled against her, shutting my hot, sore eyes. I inhaled, and a familiar smell filled my nose.

"It's okay," she cooed, pulling me to her. Against her slim body. Resting her chin atop my head. I leaned in, wrapping my arms around myself. "You're okay, Mika."

Fatigue hit me like a meteor. "Auntie," I murmured. "Can you read to me? T-to take my mind off all this."

"Yes, Mika, I'd love to. What would you like me to read?"

"Whatever. Whatever you were reading before I knocked."

"It's a bit dry. Are you sure?"

"Yes, please."

She shifted on the couch, reaching down beneath it and fishing for something hidden under there. A moment later, she'd found it, and was repositioning herself next to me. A small book in her hands.

Weakly, I fell even more heavily against her, until I was almost slouched against her hips.

"Go on, Mika. You can lie on the couch."

I nodded. In seconds, I had kicked my over-sized boots off my paws, and had curled up besides my teacher. Legs up on the cheap, scratchy couch, and my sore, burning head in her lap. I mumbled in pleasure as her cool paw stroked it.

After a moment, her voice came again. Gentle, in the rhythmic cadence I knew from so long ago.

"Like the others in this list," she began, "this error in reasoning, or attempt to confound an interlocutor - the person or people someone is trying to communicate with - can be hard to spot at first."

Careful not to get anything on her gown, since my face was such a mess, I burrowed even more firmly against her side. Scooting up the couch.

A gentle glowing warmth started somewhere in my belly.

"One should first consider whether the authority is relevant in the first place; a dentist might be smart, and know a lot about dental hygiene, but he isn't the one to ask about nuclear physics, so we would never accept it if someone told us to take their word for something regarding that subject. In many ways, this is a lot like another..." A brief pause. "Do you remember what this one's called, Mika?"

I let out a tired sigh. "Not the fancy name," I admitted. "Appeal to authority?"

"That's it." A paw began to stroke my wilted ear, and she continued on. "In many ways, this is a lot like another fallacy, the argumentum ad baculum. Though in this case, it's not merely asking you to take somebody's word at face value. It's exhorting you to take their word - or else. Although it appeals to force, or the threat of force, the one making the 'argument to the stick' needn't be the one holding it. Of course, it doesn't matter if someone is bigger and stronger, or threatens you with something scary they may or may not control, that doesn't mean their argument is any more sound or true."

"Mnh," I mumbled. The heat behind my eyes started to dull, and instead the felt scratchy. Heavy.

"In its most simple form, this fallacy is simply a 'believe what I tell you, or act as if you do, or I will hurt you' proposition. Since this is so obvious, it's more likely to appear disguised, or combined with other fallacies, such as the common Terran refrain that: 'it is moral that children should be taught to obey adults without question, because if they don't reflexively obey authority without question when they're older, they'll starve.' Here, the argument references the threat of starvation if the premise isn't accepted. Obviously, questioning authority shouldn't lead to starvation or misery: unless that authority uses its power to starve or immiserate the questioner. While morality isn't the subject of this book, the author believes most couldn't call such an arrangement 'moral!'"

"For another example, if you were in a sporting competition, your friend might urge you to cheat one day. 'The other team is cheating, so if we don't cheat, we'll lose!' they might say. If you suggest that you don't believe there's enough evidence for that, you might say..."

I never did find out what I might say. I faded into sleep.

Thankfully, I didn't dream. Not this time.

***

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EOF

...

And though he would never recall the words, the question he asked was forever seared into the minds of all who survived. Even the Terrans. Especially the Terrans.

.......

"Don't you even know? Don't you even know that we're people, like you?!"

...