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Foreword:

Hello,

if you except some masterwork or inspiring story.

I don´t know if I can get your expectations right.

The following story is about loss, disappointment and the big mess someone can have in his mind and around him.

Characters and stories are made up and formed by my experience and the ones i learned from close friends in the world.

I am actually no man of big words, but i felt like I needed an foreword.

Enjoy or don´t, i wont tell you what to do.

A horrible Start

"Why...?"

"Why did it happen to me, out of all people?"

I sweated a lot, laying in a bed, in a room without air conditioning and unable to shove the blanket off.

"What where i thinking?" my eyes looked down at myself. It was completely shaved while my left arm was plastered to a point where i couldn't do a single thing.

"It really looks stupid without my fur... I am looking more like an idiot then ever before..." as i spoke to myself a cold breeze flew over my fur and brain.

My eyes were watering again, i closed them to avoid looking at me or anything else in the hospital room.

4 weeks before

I sat at work, bored about my job. Its 11 am but i still felt like it has been the whole day. I looked to my left and watched my colleague as she talked to a customer through the glass.

What am I doing for a life? I am basically a criminal, a bank teller. It seems I am bad for both sided, as my boss always complains i don´t , make profit and some greasy customers complain that i don´t care about them. Luckily, they are right in a certain way.

If you don´t stop to care, you go crazy. I always think about leaving and start something where i could bloom and find some peace. But it seem, i am quite a little scared cat or a bear to be clear.

"Sorry, can you help me for a second?" called my colleague, wakening me out of my thoughts. "I don´t quite come around our new system like i should.

"No worries" i gently smiled as i stood up and placed the nasty face-mask around my mouth. "Not only is the summer to hot for an ice bear like me, but this face-masks also keep the air away from me..." i grumbled more to myself then to anyone.

I walked over to my colleague and helped her, sometimes i think she just asks me to help her because she feels bad about me. Like a Mother you could think, well her age is nearly the same as my mothers so the comparison isn´t off.

Fast forward to closing time

"So glad the day is over, aren´t you too?" yelled Mel from his workplace as i passed by on my way to the locker rooms. "I sure am, but it´s only Monday so we aren´t really done for, 4 more days of fun, huh?" i made an classic workplace laughter were anyone can tell that you just pretend.

Mel the Panther gave off an evil glare at me and smiled, " Don´t play the polite bear here with me." he stood up and shove himself against me. He sure is quite smaller then me. That didn´t seem to bother him. He poked his index finger in my belly. "You know i can see through your play, you know?" he lowered his arm and sighed "Well ain´t nothing i could do about it tho"

I smiled, he is definitely one of the best colleagues to have "Haha don´t you go back to your normal street language the second we close this branch?" i couldn't help but smirk a little. We continued to chat for about 10 minutes to come.

"Well I am heading home, i need my daily meal" i waved off as to cut off the talk. "If we talk any longer it will be night before we watch."

A few moments later

I took a deep breath as i stood before my vehicle, i pushed the sleeves of my hoodie up and put my helmet on. This is always my favorite moment of the day, resting a few moments on my motorcycle, as i breathed out all the stress. "I am really thankful he persuaded me into trying it" i thought to myself as i started the engine.

Some may say I am a risky driver, alone by the fact i wear a hoodie and normal jeans while driving, but these dont know the feeling. I would die of heat with full gear in the summer as an Ice bear.

A 15 minute ride though the landscapes later i am at home. I open my mailbox. 4 never letters. I open the door and get in, 4th floor "I should really start walking up there, maybe i get fit then." I thought to myself as i got in the elevator.

In my little cozy apartment i throw the letters on my couch, i don´t need to open them, i already know what they are. Bills or reminders of bills, what else letters would i get?

I sighed and went directly in my bedroom which also functions as my office. As i sat down and started my computer, i kind of lost myself in thoughts.

What Situation am i in? I moved out of my parents because i felt strangled by them, but i took it way over my head and now i sit in a too small apartment whit no money due to rent and other payments i need to handle. I am single since 4 years due to a harsh breakup with my fiancee.

The next day

As i made a step out of the shower i slipped on the wet floor, gladly i could hold myself up fast enough at the sink, which luckily didn't break under my weight. As i always need way to long to get my fur dry i get up very early, but that allows me to get a few minutes of cold fresh air on every morning. Which gives me enough motivation to survive the day.

"I can wear the same work outfit as yesterday, so i can leave the bag at home and maybe i can drive with Nick after work is done...." I looked at my phone. Reminder: Nick and I drive after work to a motorcycle shop, because he needs a new bike."

"Oh crap i almost forgot.... Luckily we have smartphones" i laughed to myself in a bitter tone.

Darkness.

Where am I?

What happened?

"Everything will be okay!" That was the first thing as i next opened my eyes.

I didn´t see much, my vision was blurred and the words someone spoke to me sounded like they were far away

.

And again Darkness

The next feeling in my body was a cold one in my back

"What is going on? " where the only question i could spit out. My mouth tasted metallic. I could´t move, No, i could move, but the pain stopped me from doing so.

I felt some gentle hands pressing my limbs down as an gentle female voice spoke to me from above me, i only saw that her fur was golden. "Please stay calm, we just want to check what else could be hurt."

Her words, even though they were gentle, they stung right through me. What does she mean with "what else" ? Am i hurt? What happened? My head started spinning and i once again fell into darkness.

I woke up about at 4 pm. As i opened my eyes, i shouted with a lung full of panic "I am late for..." my words died off as i started to cough and my chest poking me down.

After i got my breathing back under control i looked to the left, i didn´t know where I am.

And to the right, there he sat, Nick. "What´s going on?" i said in a now quieter voice.

"Is it already time for our meeting?"

Nick, a fox in my age but quite smaller of an appearance tried to smile, but failed as his impression turned bitter and kind of sad "I don´t think you will be going anywhere soon by bike." At the end of his sentence he got himself to smile a little on one side of his face.

That wasn´t Nick...that was among the first thoughts i had, he normally is such an asshole, well asshole sounds harsh, he is one , but in a good way. I sometimes even find myself to think that he and i would be perfect together, even though i am not sure if as partners or lovers, as i thought of myself as an woman lover for most of my life. I don´t get it myself but that´s the way it is. As said, he describes himself as an big ass, and it actually makes kind of sense, i guess.... But he always talks shit or teases me with being a better driver or....That moment my thoughts were struck by a lightning. Without a word i turned my head to myself and looked down at me.

My left arm was in a plaster and i had bandages over my knees, my left feed and my right elbow. I realized what happened, without needing to ask anymore. I obviously had an crash.

"Was it my fault?" i asked in a dim voice as i once again looked at Nick.

Avoiding the question he only said "You are very lucky to be alive you dumbass."

"I dont know what happened, do you know in what kind of accident i got caught up?" i kept my eyes concentrated at him.

"No, it don´t, seems like the police is still asking around the people who gave you first aid how it happened."

As he finished the door of the hospital was swung open by an ferret in a long white coat, he seemed to be the doctor.

"Good News you are one lucky bear." he smiles as he looked down to his notes. "Well you got a broken elbow and wrist, a few grazes but that´s about it, for an accident with a motorcycle you are in good conditions!" he sunk his arms and notes and looked at me with a still smiling face.

I was allowed to leave the hospital a day later, they just kept me for one night in case i got a brain shake.

It was 11 am as i tried to dress myself but that didn´t quite work out as my left arm was pretty much useless, well worse, every move hurt with this arm. At the end a nurse had to help me with it, it was so embarrassing i felt like my red cheeks were showing through my fur.

I asked the doctor and nurse about the Grazes and if i need to do something but they only said they need the same as me, rest and more rest.

Lucky for me, my family said they will help me for the time of recovery as they clearly now i can´t live alone right now due to my condition.

It seems i dodged a bullet there, my first and hopefully last accident and i came away with only one broken arm...

First day after my release of the hospital we drove to the mechanic where my motorcycle has been brought by the police. To cut it short, it was in a bad condition, a very bad condition. A repair is possible but it will probably cost me some big bucks...

However, the ever growing thought about bills and repairs flew right out of my mind at the morning of the second day.

I screamed, loud, very loud. I didn´t know what happened but my leg screamed at me to scream. I screamed at the tops of my lungs, just 1 minute later my mum was standing in the guest room, heavily breathing, with a look of fear and terror in her face.

I never felt like that nor gave off such a painful scream.

"I dont know! my leg!" I couldn´t get more words out of me between my gasps and further screaming.

I had pain in moving any thing at all, but this was just normal my mum a learned nurse said, my whole body was probably bruised and that hurts, but this was nothing like the pain i had.

My mother pulled off the blanked and gave a short yelp out of her muzzle. My feet wasn´t only blue from the bruised anymore, the part which wasn´t covered by the bandages was swollen to a point where even a nurse would get a shocked look on herself.

I can once again be considered lucky because my mum is a nurse and so she had painkiller for me and was able to get my feet to cool down, literally, the old high school nurse trick with the ice, she pulled it off at me, and it actually helped. She carried me, who is in fact quite smaller then her down the stairs and placed me on the couch take a good look.

"They just said there is some bruises under the bandages right?" she asked me with a worried facial expression.

"As far as i know, yes." as i spoke she started moving her hands in the direction of the feet.

"Wa..wa...wait don´t touch it please!!" i shouted at her with an quite scared and cracked voice.

"Sorry pup, I need to look under these, just wanting to make sure it has nothing to do with the bruises." she gently said to me with her nursing mother voice.

I grumbled, formed 2 fists and bite down my own teeth. The pain was on the same level as the morning, i looked at the ceiling, unable to look at my feet and concentrate on no screaming, which didn´work at all. A muffled long scream came through my teeth and lips.

Suddenly, cold air on my feet, i took a deep breathe, but couldn´t bring myself to look at it.

"This isn´t good" my mother said under her breath. If she says that, It has to be bad, i thought to myself.

"I am sorry, it looks like you need to go back to the hospital..." she said with a guilty tone on herself.

"No please not, can´t we wait a few days?"

I should have looked at my feet, i should have looked at it and i could have avoided bringing pain to me and the ones around me.

What did my mother see, what i didn´t? It was a bruise, a big one, nearly my whole feet, hair burned in the flesh, no skin, much purulence in the wound, and black flesh which seemed to be infected and were burning with agony. I was stubborn, i hate hospitals, so of course i didn´t want to go back there.

At the end, it is all my fault, i deserve this pain, first psychologically now physically. Will my suffering end soon? Will it help me overcome anything?

The answer is clear.

In the back of my head, i was looking at the scar that led around the stump that once was a healthy complete leg and now nothing more then a half leg with no purpose but exist, but is not that the same as with me?

////// How did you like the (first) Chapter of the story? I am currently working at my writers skill and hope for you to give me some comments on my writing as how to improve it. Or also what you think the story continue to become. As i have right now ideas for as i go 3 more chapters. For all the good old lewd stuff liker, there will or will not come a romance block but you have to see it yourself.\\

Greetings