how would you like to die?
It was a cold dark morning when I relised I hated my life, ever since I can remember its been drugged though the shit or dirt if I was lucky, then pulled though a hedge and trampled on then cleaned up and told to act like normal boys did being nice and not asking who killed that guy on the CSI show with the gun in the back of the head.
It never started off well, my perants gave me heathy stuff so i'd become nice and strong, and they took away nice sugary things like sweets, ugh give me a break I want sugar it makes me go! Plus if I did something good they gave me a sweet like after they've licked all the sugar off!
Then in primary school i'd drawn this really nice picture of a house and a tree, I was only 2 at the time and I was so proud of it as it was very great seeing as I was only 2, but then my mom said "its a bit off colour dear houses aren't green" I know that now you stupid bitch! But back then I didn't and it was put in the loft and left to get moldy it was then thrown out, and my dad just said "looks like the cat did a poo on it" that really made me sad but I went on with life saying things'll pick up, I never did anything fun in primary school as i'd fear it would be destroyed or just never seen again.
Then in first school I made a very nice pot from clay, I painted it blue and white like the sky and took it home to show mum and da not learning from the first time what happened, by now I was 6 this was the first time i'd played with clay or messy stuff as I called it, my mom and dad always made sure I was clean in case some one came round reltives or someone who i'd never seen or even knew came round but no one ever did, they hated it as it was off and looked sick and was no good for anything not even holding water or pens or something useful, but it was my work they put in a safe place, yeah I hardly think the old self that wobbles when you remove a book is the best place to put it, but they did saying "it'll be safe if we remove the books carefully" I then came home one day to find it in paces in the bin it was there smashed like my heart when i saw it as i cleaned my plate into the bin they hadn't even told me about it, i showed them and they just looked and said "put it in the trash i'm sure your'll make another one" that really broke me but I kept going thinking "its alright I won't tell them about the next one" there never was another one as I was removed from art class unless it was part of my learning.
Then in secdray school I meet a nice girl by the name of Sue, she was cute and we sent each other little letters in class, she was my age which was 11 and a fox like me, but I did the silly thing of bringing her home as she wanted to meet my perants and I said "my perants won't like you" I did warn her but she just said "so? Mine are 20 times worst I bet", we got home and my mom said "she's a slag look at her, too much make-up on" my dad? "I do her! Hay baby i'm 8 inches", she ran out and I never saw her again she went to another school for girls only this was now getting to the point of running away from home but I stayed in that school until I went to college where I thought things would pick up.
In college I got beaten up by some lads as I had a phone that was top of the line, mum and dad did nothing just saying "should have run faster" and I didn't get a new phone, i talked to my college teacher and she just said "i can't do anything about it but do you know there names i could remove them from there corse" "no I don't know there names" I said, when I got home my dad gave me his old phone, it was worn and had no music on it and that's the straw that broke the camel's back, ever since that day when I got that phone and my dad said "look after it son as it's the only one your getting until you get a job" I have watned to die!
I'm just 15 years old and I want to die as my life sucks and has had no silver lining or hope, i'm a fox about 5'4 male brown with white front classic fox colours and i'm normal weight about 11 stone normal for a fox. The music I listen to is metal or anything, but now its just got to the point of no more I hate it all of it, its so old it sounds the same there are a few songs I like but even after listening to them there crap, so what if I have 1600 + friends on facebook, twiter and yahoo, there just people I know or have meet me and said "please be my friend" or I don't even know them but I still accept them well no more! For today I die and I want to.
I had read in a paper somewhere of a place that did killings but your way, old killings, quicks killings, I think it was called; "die your way", I went to it to die, I have no life or what's left of a crap life that have been dragged though the mud then shrap glass and then over a bab-wire fance before winding up in a pool of sick before being dressed up and shown off, my name if you must know is Jon, I hate it ugh so yuk "simple and easy to write", my mum would say, "easy to remember when your drunk but your'll never get drunk" my dad would say.
As I walked with my mum's money in my pocket that i'd taken for food at college, I listened to some music on my MP3 player some death metal song not sure what it was but it would probly be my last one, it was cold but not wet clouds in the sky where black just the way I felt black and dead or going to be, then I saw the warehouse, it was big, old and long it looked like and old car place from the 70's then shut up in the 90's as there where a few posters that said "try the new ford its our best family car", I looked at the door and I walked in, there was three guys there, one was a beat up guy looked like he'd been in a lot of fights with walls and won, he was 8'5 a very mean looking Rhino his clothes where jeans which where torn and ripped and a shurt that read "give me a good reason to punch you" normal tough guy clothes i thought to my self, the other was a fox like me but had that look of "i'll kill you for looking at me" he was much taller then me as well about 7'7 brown with white front classic fox colours, his clothes where some shorts that had stains on the croth sex stains and his shurt read "if you can read this your too close" mind you it was so tiny you'd have to get close to read it, and the 3rd person was a person who just looked like he would kill you just for breathing, he was an ocra big buff and mean looking at least 9'8 well he looked that tall his clothes where and old vest and some shorts he was at the front desk doing paper work death papers or sueride notes.
I took a seat and waited for my number to come up, they looked at me as if to say "is he waiting for someone or has another fight broken out in the street?", i'd taken a number, number 35, I felt like a number but I didn't care. The papers in the room where all on buff guys and death today all about 3 mouths out of date, they looked over as it hit number 35 and I wondered to the front desk, the orca behind the desk looked at me and smiled showing his well what was left of his teeth and said "hello little man are you lost?" with a slight whislining sound as the air from his teeth went though the gaps, I looked and said "no, I want to die" he looked socked and for the first time in his and the others lives showed fear, and then he asked me "how old are you sonny?" he said this as if to make me laugh as the whistlining sound was made, I said "15" he gasped and looked at the other two and they talked then one of them came over and said "okay then how do you want to die?" I thought long and hard as I didn't really know I thought by now they'd lobbed me out of pushed me out of the place then I said "slowly, I want to suffer" they were looking sick almost ready to throw up and looked like they wanted to do something talk me out of it but he just said "okay step this way", I paid the nice orca at the front desk and followed the fox, as I walked down a long hallway I herd srceams and ughs and other sounds each comming from a room, each room was a way to die some said shoot, run over, beaten up, overdoes, it looked okay but I wanted to die slowly like my childhood had I wanted to suffer for the pain i'd gone though and to do it all for £5.
He the fox just said "here we go, slow hanging that should do ya, but are you sure?" I looked at him and said "yeah that'll do and no i've made my mind up I want to die" I walked in and looked, in there where two other furs another fox that looked like he had lost everything, his job his wife car home everything, he reminded me of gil from the simpson's i'd seen that show at a friends, I had a friend never seen him since our perants meet and I was told to never see him again i think it was after a fight on the telly money was involved, then there was a horse in a black leather jacket that was all, he was 7'6 black all over and had four white feet or hoofs, he looked at me then smoked his fag probly his last one, I just took it like a man and walked over to the stocks.
All three of us where put onto the galows and had our hands tried behind our backs then it was time for our hanging, the fox was very nerous he kept saying "I do want to die" the horse just looked as he spit out his fag hitting his jacket it was half finished, we'd been stripped down to our underware so that our clothes could be returned to our familys or re-sold as they called it, then the fox guy put the sacks on our heads all we saw was darkness nothing but a bit of light as there where some holes in the sacks, the poor fox and the guy in the mask who was an ox as his tail showed where still shocked I was there, the fox guy nodded at the ox and then it happened the ox guy pulled something on the wall and said "may god have mecry on your poor souls", as he said this the floor moved and we felt the rope tighten.
I felt the rope tighten on my neck, my hands and legs where tried up so as I couldn't back out or run away, I just remembered thinking of home and my family but then that faded to black what good is home? I saw nothing but black and thought this is it good bye its over wham bam thank you life! Then I breathed again and herd, POLICE! they had saved us, all three of us left alive, someone must have seen me go in and not come out an out sider or a friend, the horse just picked up his jacket and re-light his fag and left, the fox did the same and so did I we got dreesed as the policed delt with the others, on the plus side we got our money back but I wanted to die not get half killed and then get my money back, all three of us sat on a beanch out side the place that was now closed and boarded up and looked at the road it was now very cold, then the fox who was in bad shape shivering and shaking said "well at least we got each other" he luaghed maddly he thought we'd stay with him, then a gun shoot was herd, the horse who was next to me had shoot him point blank in the head, I looked and did nothing, the fox lay on the side walk bleeding and not moving the hole in his head leaking thick red blood and bits of brain, his mouth leaking blood as well, the horse looked at me and just put the gun away in his jacket and walked away still smoking that fag, people around me screamed and ran in diofferant directions, he just left the chaos and madness of the street, I followed him hopping he'd take my life too, he stoped and pointed his gun at me and clicked the gun this was it I was going to be killed, I closed my eyes and waited but nothing I looked up he then looked at me and said "want a job? Selling stuff?"
I looked up and said "yeah as long as I get a gun!" He pointed and next to me was a gun shop what luck, I took a trash can that was at the side of the street and lobbed it though the window, the window was smashed and it made a great sound, I then took a gun that was my size a colt 45 and shoot the person there who said "why'd you do that?", the horse was then surounded by police guns drawn he just looked and walked to me as they shoot with out warning, I didn't look I just closed my eyes waiting to be shoot or to have dead horse in front of me, then I herd nothing I was alive I looked, we were in a flat a trashed flat it was in poor condition and smelled of piss, I looked as he cut up some pills and then put them in bags, "how'd we get here?" I asked not knowing and he the horse just said "simple I can teleport" before i had a chance to awnser him I herd a voice comming from another room, gun drawn I went to look it came from the bedroom.
I looked in gun drawn, In the bedroom was a mare same hight as the horse I looked she looked and said "sugar are you lost?" I said "no I came with the horse?" I didn't know what to say as i was teleported here and still shocked, he then walked in behind me, "who that?" she said "HAY!" I shouted "i'm not a that i'm a Jon", the horse looked and said "you sure are my mate, i'm David and this is June my misses", she smiled and went back to doing her nails she was a whore and a dam good one! She kissed david and left, she then pet me on the head "cute cub David I swear your getting older if you like them young, right i'll be back later" she left her hips making me feel horny as she walked out the door and then slammed the door shut as it was made of thick steel.
David went to bed as he was tried thinking he was going to die but didn't as I cut up some pills and put them in bags as I was told to do by David, drug dealing was going to be fun, as I might get killed or sent away to jail, that'll be great sent away from here from my home in a cell with another male who will rape me and i could become his bitch, I then wounded into the kitchen and found no food nothing just some old soup, I made some up and ate it seeing as i'd been hungy since I left home thinking I was going to die I skipped lunch and breakfast, I sat down and watched telly, as the sound of gun fire and dogs barking sounded out side as windows of cars where going in that was all that I could hear as well as David sleeping I ate my soup and watched the telly not much on as it was an old set.
As I watched telly all I could hear was gun shoots and other things outside which was great instaed of my perants saying "are you doing your home work," or "I hope your not looking up nude furry's on my computer again", I looked out the window gun drawn just in case any one shoot at me and saw there was a load of people doing stuff, then the door went with a loud thud! It was June she was not drunk but very un-happy, David was asleep on the bed out cold from drinking a lot she came in dress torn, "ugh I hate pullers" she was then topless in a few seconds as her very nice red dress was torn, my pants tented as I looked I then pulled out from my pants the money i'd got to kill my self for and I looked at her "June?" I said, she turned "hay sugar what do you want? I'm not a very good mother things but i can make some tea" she said that while here breasts shook in front of me I then showed her the money she took it and counted it and said "hmm about £5 here that's enough for sex or a long BJ" I looked tenting hard and said "sex", she just said "okay then sugar".
She took off my pants with ease and then I took her, I leaned back on the couch as she got on top of me, she looked at me and I looked at her she then turned my cock rock hard at 5 inches and sat on it, I moaned she moaned and then I pushed the knot in, god she was lose and wet and I was going to lose my viginty to someone i didn't even know, I trust in and out hopping that David wouldn't see us but he knew about it somehow seeing as she was a whore, as I trust in more she turned around on my cock as she was getting tried and I sucked on her niples and moaned, she moaned as well "oh sugar so light weight", she moaned more until I couldn't hold on and I cummed in her, I moaned still sucking and she pet my head I then feel I asleep still in her cock wanting more but my body tried out, she just got up and left me on the couch my cock slipped out of her pussy and she put a cover over me, she took the money and counted it again and said "daft sod, would have done it for free as he's a friend of David" she then went to bed with david and had sex with him I herd nothing as I was out like a light cock still fully hard.
In the morning I was woken up by a wondow being smashed, I looked and then grabbed my gun just in case it was ours I then saw on the table drugs, cockane! I sniffed it and felt high, I then sniffed a line it was strange my head felt lighter and my nose was on fire i could see things and I shook my head, just as David walked in, "careful kid that'll make you see things" I looked and said "so?" he just luaghed and took a bag and put the rest of the coke in the bag ready for selling, he then put it in the car and all three of us got in we where going to be drug passers going from barder to barder, as we got in David drove off, I looked drugs now taken full effect and I looked at the colours I then looked gun drawn and shoot at things but it was nothing as I was high only making the shooting sounds, we then stopped outside a place and then a person come to the car he brought some dope we then moved on but he was a under cover cop, and the cops got behind us I looked and said "can I shot them?" being high I thought i'd said "lets stop and be nice we haven't done anything wrong", but I had said "let me shoot them", David just smoked a fag and said "I don't care i'll drive and you shoot" so that's what I did it was only one cop after all.
I loaded my gun and shoot at the car, the bullet hit the tyre and sent the car into a spin and off the road where it blow up, "WOOOOO! that was cool" I said I then kissed June out of the blue and then hopped in the front seat pulling off her bra, "hay sugar want more huh? ok then" then she removed my pants and we made love or in this case car sex! It felt great getting titty fucked by her, I felt her tongue in her mouth do great things to my cock as David just watched like he'd seen it all before I then came in her mouth as more cops got near us.
As we drove though the boarder the cops where on us like mad, I looked finished with June and started to shoot them, I knew how to thanks to grand treft auto! Another game i'd played at my mates before we'd been split up, I shoot them as they shoot back, missing us by inches, then we hit the state line for Floda and the sea was in sight, as I shoot I could see David hitting 120 130 in his very fast little honda that was stollen as the key weren't there but the wires under where he'd hotwired it, and then a bend came up, I looked, David wasn't stopping or slowing he then said "this car is full of drugs if where cought we're going to die in jail!!!!!!!!!!!" he smiled and smoked and drank, I just shoot at the cops then we hit the dirt and then went though the barrer the cops stopped guns drawn as they watched us do that.
As we went though the barrier I just looked and saw the sea and then the ground then black, the car was on live telly it was never shown on tv, as we plumeted to the ground 50ft in the air we hit the ground roof first, even though it was great telly that will never be shown, the cops looked and then went down guns still drawn, I woke up and looked, David was dead he was killed before we hit the ground as he taken some killing drugs, June was dead on inn-pack and I was alive but I wasn't wanting to be, I knew I had to move out of there so I got out throw the back window grabbing as meny drugs that where left so I could sell them if I made it out, and then got my gun and david's and was ready for a show down, I knew david would have wanted me to do it if not then I was ready to go out with a bang!
The cops where there they had they guns drawn, and they tried to talk me into given up I just fired my guns and they shoot back and they where good shoots on target too, I felt one bullet hit me then another, then three four and the firth one got me in the chest, I felt it hit me in the chest and then a sixth one did it killing me in the chest, I fell to the floor guns hitting the floor and so did the drugs, and I was dead, I smiled as I felt myself die, my orgains shutting down and dieing, my lungs filling with blood and my eyes going back and seeing a white light and I then closed my eyes and then I was dead, i'd had sex, shoot poeple and been killed and it was great and yes it was worth it.
They cleaned up the mess, the drugs where destroyed and the car was tacken in for evedance, and us? David was dead on inn-pact like I said he'd taken drugs to kill him self just before we hit the ground, June died of head injury she was crushed and I was dead inside anyways but I was killed by six bullets, my perants came and said "that's our little boy" and they where sad if i'd been killed some other way they would have said "sevres him right dumb shit", but this time they where sad I said from heaven "good now you know how I feel".
We where all buired with the normal send off except for me, David and June where burried in some common place in the town where they lived, I was taken to a special place, my mom and dad paid out loads for my fenural, I had a sweet coffin it was set in red and had castings and it looked great some of my friends came as well ones from college and school and they all looked sad for the first time, it was ages since i'd seen my mom and dad cry the last time was when I broken my moms best clock ans she cried and i'd only seen dad cry when his money didn't come in one week when i was told off for braking a computer in class he had to pay for it.
As for David? well I thought he'd been killed but then he arose from the grave and then walked out of the cemery before he went, he left a rose on June's gravestone and kissed it he then went looking for mine, he found it and looked, he then looked for the family and knocked on the door, my mom answered, "yes?" "are you the boy jon's mother?" she nodded "may I come in?" David came in and said "did you really love him?" mom sniffed and said "yes we never waited him to die, but we treated him so badly in the past so he wouldn't end up like some riff raff" David then said something to my perants to make sure they had pain for the rest of there lives "he never saw it that way he thought you wanted him to fail, so he went to a place to kill him self and then he joined someone who gave him a job selling drugs" my mom cried and dad did too, "i'll go now i'm very sorry for your loss" not only had he killed me he made sure my perants suffer I loved him for that! he then came to me again and said some simple words "you where great kid look after my wife June", and he left in the fog never to been seen again, I just looked from heaven and said as I held her "I will David I will" we then kissed and made love.
edited for good on 02/09/10
this is how i feel about my life the only thing that keeps me going is the fact i have furry's