Barely Streaking By (Patrigue/LeafrunnerK Collaboration)
#2 of Commissions
A dapper conversation involving a hapless, nude scoundrel who recently conducted a robbery.
Greetings my dear audience! I do hope you are having a wonderful Halloween. Ah, I predict the lot of you guessed this commission is not my own - you would be correct! This scroll is but a narrative I co-wrote with Patrigue on his profile! He came to me for my expertise on 19th century dialogue, so I gave it to him, and O, was it grand! 'Twas a cornucopia of delight to work on him with this story, and I've a hunch that you'd enjoy his content too!
The original story and picture are hand in hand, as well, on Patrigue's post right here. Do give him a visit!
On with the play!
Barely Streaking By
"My, my good heavens?my friend?what say you to breach my domain on the eve of the Halloween spectacular?"
"Ha ha! You jest! I merely stepped through the front gates?and my utmost praise for Lady Luck's blessing on your behalf, good sir!"
"A coin short of the king's ransom 'tis worth the lion's share for the masterful artwork up for auction."
"Pray it was worth the expense."
"Indeed it was! Ah?the memories of last auction. Though my pouch beith reduced to a peasant's knapsack, I've a cavalcade of Renaissance paintings sitting pretty next to the Spartan archaeological digs, dating back perhaps further than your second cousin's aunt, no?."
"Fie, fie, you jest! Though I'm quite _astounded_of your findings! Prithee, do you speak of Ancient Greece on these purchases?"
"Yes, yes, and I expect my worth to be purer than a thousand golden eggs should nothing run afoul."
"Run afoul? Do you quarrel that the bidders rage to peasants if they lose?"
"Nay?a folly far worse. Though I hold my hopes like a good glass of Burgundy, my glass tilts?nay, spills at my fears for a robbery."
"You speak of thieves? Sire, with all due respect, you must be mistaken! I've a sharp ear for crimes of such repugnance, and I do believe we haven't seen the worst of it since yesteryear? even if it weren't, this auction house is in the safest district of the city. Pray tell your worries of a heist!"
"...Prithee, good chum?have you heard the news of the...Emerald Moon Robbery?"
"But a sliver, good sir; I was on holiday with the missus amidst the scuffle. I've heard 'round the bend the assailants scurried the fields with over a million in bank notes."
"Nay, not assailants... assailant?just one."
"Egad! A single delinquent? Surely the vault would blister the hands of at least half a dozen scoundrels before even the rats would make haste with such currency."
"Under an average sun, I'd jeer of this over trades of sixpence to sundown?though I am sorry, but all words speak to a solitary deviant."
"I...great God?my stars! Such tragedy! Come, we must inform the press immediately!"
"Steady thy heart, good sire, for they already know; and when it beats in peace, I must inform you of the most ludicrous detail."
"O, my dear heart! No?no?I beg of you! But if you must, then say your bidding."
"The sources have told that the culprit was?naked."
"Wha?without clo-... Nonsense! What nonsense! What devils off your lips possess the gauntletof?of?of?of such ignorance! Certainly you must be pulling my leg, old chum! ?Wha?what?why do you laugh at me, sir? You jest once more?"
"I must admit, should my heels be snug in your boots, I'd?well, I'd feel quite the same! Though I digress, the press and the townspeople both agree?sights of a green avian skipping o'er the rooftops?equipped with a mask the shade of blackberries and a strut that flared of pungent cherries?nothing left behind but a note."
"A note?oh dear. What say of it?"
"Bah! Merely a pseudo-heroic tirade of the upper class, say he, robbing the clothes off the backs of the needy?a hapless attempt of a soapbox inquiry, if you'd have my word."
"Ah, yes?the fool doth think himself a modern-day Robin Hood."
"Yes?yes?a prayer for him to take the fox's advice and wear a tunic?but nay. He calls himself 'The Emerald Moon.'"
"How utterly indecent of him...I presume you expect his bare hands around the throat of the auction, do you?"
"I feel his talons ticking by my neck when I rest my head. Though Lord Bezos and Lord Musk claim anything but, I've also heard rumors of this bandit penetrating even their own estates.."
"Say it isn't so!"
"Nay, as what I said?these are merely wooden whispers?though their secret words do shake me like a tree of peaches. Do keep a sharp eye, will you?."
"Of course?I shan't blame you for worrying of morrow's dusk. I hope through the royal guard and all his glory, that he keep your treasures in sanctuary for such an unbridled and undressed thief."
"Our minds are equal?last sundown, I went through the trouble of hiring guards."
"Guards?"
"Yes?yes?and O?their boots have made sigils of sanctuary on the grounds of my estate since three sundowns prior?a marking date of my heirlooms' arrival."
"Three sundowns prior?"
"Do you jest with your wordly repetition? My, my?you are a saucy boy! Do you bask in such obnoxious habits like hedge-creepers at an altar?
"Where?"
"Pardon?"
"Where on your estate, sir!?"
"Out with it, boy!"
"The guards!"
"Why?where I left them, of course?the front entrance, the foyer, the courtyard, the roof, the bedrooms, the kitchen, the ball room, the hallways?need I continue? Prithee, what hogwash do you speak of?"
"My apologies beith a frothing goblet, sir, but on my arrival, I saw no patrolman at the front entrance."
"What?what say you?"
"The gate and the door, sir; stripped of guards, naked as this bandit you speak of! Doth your mind escape this? Perhaps the foyer is?is?oh my?oh golly?doth my mind escape who guards the foyer?"
"No guards at the foyer?! No, that cannot be!...Do you think?"
"The Emerald Moon beith staring down on us once more!"
"Make haste! Make haste! You find the nearest watchman while I ready my sword! Nude may this charlatan be, I shall stand erect in his face?posh as I will?and I shall challenge the humongous length of his intolerance?lest we all drown in the seed of his vengeance!"
The two aristocrats dashed away in opposite directions. Seconds later, the sound of a relieved exhale came from behind a large potted plant.
"That was close," remarked the masked avian as he wiped his brow. "Anyways, back to business."
Thumbnail: Sneakthiefby LeafrunnerK, character belongs to Patrigue.