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Chapter 11

Thedaysleading up to hitting the Twilight Promise were terrifying. Geist gaveme back my bosun title; I don't think she much trusted Itsuo anymore, and I guess I proved myself with the lashings. She left him as first mate, though, and he continued his duties as if nothing had happened--though I noticed he cringed and stooped on occasion. Even with the alchemical poultice Nollie had made, the wounds took a long time to heal, and despite her reassurances, I was pretty sure I'd done at least some minor nerve damage. I could see his back twitch and spasm whenever he twisted his torso just so. I felt like crying all over again every time I saw it.

I saved him. I did the right thing. Geist would absolutely have killed him.

I repeated that in my head like a mantra. It didn't help.

Geist sent us to the rowing bays at gunpoint by mid-afternoon the day of the lashings. With so few to row, we hardly moved at all. The next day was the same, and our fear of my mother wasn't enough to push us through an entire day of slogging through dead sails. Fully half of us collapsed throughout that second day. By evening, only six people were on oars, and it just wasn't enough to move such a big ship. Disgusted, Geist retreated to her cabin and slammed the door. The rest of us passed out where we sat.

A strong eastward wind snatched up our sails in the early morning hours. Relieved beyond words, we worked with renewed enthusiasm. Even Itsuo joined, despite my sister's angry protestations that he remain in bed-rest.

Nola let me back into the cabin, but I slept on the floor. It felt miserable sleeping on hard ground again for the first time in almost three years, but I'd spent so much of my life doing it that I could hardly complain about a couple more nights. Nola hadn't exactly forgiven me, and I hadn't exactly offered a renewed apology. While I knew she was horny--she masturbated almost every single night, just loud enough for me to hear--I was too ashamed to ask her if I could join in. Maybe she was waiting for me to ask. Maybe she was digging salt into the wound. Could have gone either way, really.

I visited Itsuo in the late afternoon of the third day. We didn't speak--what was there to say? He just kissed me reassuringly, tugged off my pants, and sucked me to completion. Those big lips of his were so fucking soft. I'd come to appreciate them a lot, but this time I couldn't focus well enough to enjoy myself fully. I kept thinking about the ship we were approaching, the Anthros on board that were going to die by our paws, just so I could sneak Nola and my babies away from our psychotic mother. I tried to tell myself they were Autocracy scum even if they didn't sell slaves themselves, but it rang hollow in my head. Not everyone in the Autocracy was a slave-trading monster. Some were just regular folk trying to survive. Rika had been one, so surely there must be others.

I lay in Itsuo's strong embrace after he finished, hidden behind empty water barrels. The ship was dangerously low on supplies, and now the crew's very survival began to hinge more and more on the_Promise_ having a few water barrels and food stores aboard. At least there wouldn't be a pair of Lepid mouths to feed after this, and Mom could come back to her senses and hit landfall. Nollie and I were the whole reason she was avoiding port, after all.

"I don't deserve you," I murmured into Itsuo's firm pectoral. I ran my paw through his silky brown fur, up to the nape of his neck, down to his erect cock. He liked my touches, apparently.

The old Simian squeezed me gently. "What in Katarang's name does 'deserve' have to do with anything? If we all got what we deserved, every pirate here would have hanged from a gibbet years ago. You and your sister would not have been raised in bondage. Life would be roses and mulled wine for most, and we would make sport of executing the few that actually deserve misery."

I frowned, staring morosely at the floor. After a few seconds, he added, "I was not clear. You are not among those that deserve misery."

I shook my head, tracing a finger up and down the gently bobbing length of his erection. "How can you say that?"

I felt his shoulders roll under my cheek as he shrugged them. "Easily. You did not put us in this situation. No one can take that blame but your mother."

"You pretend like I had no part in it. If I hadn't slept with her--"

He put one thick finger on my snout to silence me. "That was... unwise. But you did not force her to have me whipped, nor did you force her to force you to whip me. Quite the opposite, in fact. She was literally the one with a gun to our heads."

"I broke her, Itsuo. I did that."

Itsuo sighed. "I do not know if that's true. Ever since she learned of your imprisonment last year, she has become increasingly unstable. Guilt at leaving you in Warden Reginald's clutches has eaten at her for many years, but knowing he had you imprisoned the entire time well and truly began to unravel her. She knew when she gave you to such a vile man that she was taking a terrible risk, and she learned the consequences of that risk, and it began to break her."

I paused in my finger strokes and sat up, brow furrowed. "How _did_Mom learn about us being imprisoned?"

"A missive from the Pit itself. One of the staff, I assume. They said they found your files hidden away from the rest, in the Warden's office. He didn't want it known even to the other staff that he'd put toddlers under his care into the Pit."

"Staff?" I mumbled. "The only staff are a bunch of brain-dead brute Scrofa. Well, them and--"

My idiot brain finally put two and two together. I sighed. "And Mender Agnes." The woman my sister had been in love with. Who'd performed horrific experiments with dragon eggsin order to make more Gifted. The woman who had likely irrevocably mutated my son. She'd warned our mother, to try and save us. Dammit, couldn't the gods just let me hate that woman in peace??

I grumbled under my breath and flopped back down on his chest. Itsuo seemed to realize the revelation had upset me, because he gently stroked mytangled mane of hair. I'd bound it up in more strips of cloth as it steadily grew down my back, but I didn't want to cut it. I'd spent fourteen years without hair, I was enjoying the novelty of the experience. Nollie had tried to run a comb through it once and I'd nearly socked her in the mouth from the pain. She brushed her hair daily and it looked gorgeous and silky because of fucking course it did. I looked like I had tumors growing in mine.

I needed something to take my mind off my nerves, so I slid down into Itsuo's lap and took his flagging cock into my mouth. He made no effort to stop me. In fact, he put a hand on the back of my head and held me down as his dick slowly grew and throbbed, crawling toward the back of my throat. I helped it along with my tongue, eagerly licking the underside of his shaft, feeling his foreskin slide back and forth. I was hard instantly. Itsuo sent a hand toward my own erection, but I swatted him away irritably. He'd already sucked me, it was his turn, dammit.

Once he was fully erect, the tip of his dick nudged the back of my throatandtwitched eagerly. I began bobbing my head up and down. When I had first gone down on the Simian, my incisors had been an irritation, constantly scraping the poor guy as I worked. I'd even drawn blood once. Rather than panic or chastise, he came down my throat. I could have taken that to mean he liked it, but instead I worked hard not to scrape anymore, and now I could take him all the way in my maw without my incisors touching him.

I gagged on his length, wrapping my paw around one leg as I leaned down into his lap. Coming in from his side wasn't an ideal angle, but it was a novel one. My metal paw went to his balls and gently caressed. I didn't squeeze, because I couldn't always gauge my grip strength with the prosthetic. He loved having his nuts played with, but thanks to the angle, he was going to have to settle for some light stroking.

He didn't have to tell me when he was close. I felt him throb and twitch in my mouth, and I bobbed even more vigorously in eager anticipation. I made sure to gag hard each time I reached the base of his dick, letting my throat constrict around his tip. He grabbed a handful of my hair and shoved me down, groaning as his rodspasmedand spit his thick, ropy load into my hungry mouth. I wriggled my tongue all over the head, relishing the warmth every time he splashed his bittersweet seed across it. I let him cum to completion before swallowing it all down, moaning luridly against his member, then began bobbing up and down again.

He gasped and shivered as I continued suckling his oversensitive member. I wanted more--I wanted every drop hiding in those balls. "L-Leon," he whispered fiercely. "What--?"

He reached a hand to my shoulder to pull me away, but I slapped it with my metal paw. He recoiled his fingers with a small hiss. He was done when I said he was done. I tongued his glans with a wet, sloppy groan and kept bobbing my head. He finally got the picture and gripped my hair, helping me with my rhythm. "It..." He swallowed, and tried again. "It might be a bit before I c-cum again..."

I pulled off him, stroking vigorously, and twisted up to face him. "I don't care," I said fiercely. "I want all of it."

He gave me an inscrutable look, but eventually caressed my chin. "Then take it."

I shoved all five inches of him back into my mouth and went to work, slobber dripping from my lips, my own cock painfully hard. I didn't want to cum again, though. I didn't deserve it. I wanted to give it to Nola, wanted to fill up my sister and tell her I loved her and I wanted more kittens with her and to be a better parent than ours were and gods dammit, none of this was fair.

I think I cried for a while during that second round. If Itsuo noticed--and I can't imagine how he could not--he said nothing, but he did stroke my hair as I worked, lapping at the thick, warm slab of flesh between my lips, keeping him hard and throbbing. I wanted to order him to cum for me, to pour his seed down my throat until I choked on his intoxicating, musky flavor. I wanted to die pleasing him to make up for what I'd done.

He took much, much longer to cum the second time. My jaw ached and my back twinged from the weird angle, but I kept thrusting his dick furiously into my throat until he finally painted my mouth white, the second load slightly runnier than the first but no less delicious. I opened my mouth and licked his tip, letting him spray his cum on my snout and cheeks.

He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me up to face him, and he held me firmly in place as he licked his own jizz out of my facial fur. It had to be extra salty thanks to the twin lines of dried tears, but he made no complaint. Once he was done, he held me in place still, and shoved his mouth against mine, kissing me forcefully. He finally yanked me away from his face, eyes lusty but drowsy.

"I love you," I gasped, his grip on my hair still painful. He didn't respond, instead kissing me once more, this time with less force and more softness, gently probing my mouth, but all the while he kept that painful, pulling grip on my hair.

He finally pulled away and said sternly, "Then cum inside me."

I shook my head. His grip tightened, and I flinched. It felt like he was going to tear hairs out of my head. Yet my dick remained hard as a rock, almost as painful as him pulling my hair. I didn't want to. I wanted to run to Nola, naked and throbbing, and thrust it into my sister, fill her belly with more kittens. I wanted her breeding and beautiful and not angry with me anymore.

Itsuo shook me a little, and I whimpered. His other hand went to my cock. I wrestled with him, gripping his hand in both my paws and fighting to keep the Simian's mitt off my dick. "Your struggle arouses me," he snarled in my ear, pushing harder against my paws. My metal arm had some impressive strength, but the pain in my scalp was almost unbearable now. "Put it in my ass. Cum inside me."

"N-no," I hissed. "Y-you already got one from me! Let go, you asshole!"

Itsuo kissed me, and I opened my mouth to him. I didn't want to fuck him, but gods did I want to fuck. I finally released my paws and let his hand wrap around my cock, wrapping mine around his neck. He released my hair and slid his butt forward, spreading his legs for me. I pulled off his lips. "Prick," I grumbled. He just smiled that stupid, sexy, knowing smile and guided my dick to his rectum. I didn't require any further prodding from him, and pushed my precum-slicked cock inside him.

He hadn't lied about his arousal. He was already hard again. I prayed I'd have his refractory period at his age--he was a fucking machine. I jerked his dick hard and fast as I thrust into him. My paw wasn't gentle, either. I yanked and tugged with abandon--he wanted it rough, he was going to get it rough. My metal paw clamped around his throat, and his eyes rolled back as he lost himself in bliss. I choked a little harder, tugging his dick furiously as I pumped, and within moments he splashed a final meager load of jism across his soft belly fur.

I stopped stroking him so I could scrape his cum off his tummy with a finger, then shoved that finger in his mouth as I slammed my hips against his ass. He moaned andsucked my finger clean, his soft lips on my digit making me shudder. I released his neck a little so I could focus on thrusting as fast as I could. My thighs began to cramp as I frantically picked up my pace. It felt like an age before my balls finally began to tighten and I filled his anus with thick, hot cum, erupting rhythmically from me as I buried my face in his shoulder and whimpered.

I didn't move for a long time. He held me against him and gently stroked my hair. Occasionally I twitched as a sudden surge of sensation rippled through my oversensitive cock. I cried for part of it. No bawling, just a short stream of tears and a few shuddering breaths. It was more cathartic than depressed, and by the time I pulled myself away from him, kissed him, and wandered off to get back to my duties, I felt worlds better. Itsuo could, when he felt like it, exude an aura of such serene confidence that I couldn't help but bask in it. He was like an anesthetic for your soul.

By sundown, the winds were back. We weighed anchor and made shocking time, nearly making up all of the lost time from having to row the day before. If the winds kept up, we'd hit the _Promise_tomorrow night. When I returned to my and Nola's cabin, my stomach was a bundle of nerves. She was already asleep, but the twins were sitting up in their makeshift crib, babbling cheerfully at each other. Kiba chewed on a hand-stitched ragdoll Nola had made for her, while Valerian reached out into the empty space in front of him, opening and closing his tiny paws on nothing, seemingly enraptured by the act. They were eight months old now, and nearly twenty pounds each, their soft furry tummies and legs a sea of little rolls of cub fat. They would be walking soon--they'd already tried a few times to take steps, but Kiba couldn't quite manage it and Val failed outright. His blindness seemed to be hindering his sense of balance.

I scooped them up and sat next to the bed, nuzzling them, smelling the soft scent of their tawny hair and charcoal fur, terrified of what was to come tomorrow. Val reached out into the darkness before him and graspedmy nose.

I hadn't realized my sister had rolled over and was watching me. "They miss you when you're working," she murmured sleepily, lids half-closed.

I was having trouble making eye contact these days. I stared at the mattress as Val shoved a pawful of my hair into his mouth. "I miss them too." I risked a glance at her. "And you."

Her lip trembled a moment, but she didn't cry. "It still hurts, Leon. I want it to not hurt."

My eyes fell again. "I do too. I never wanted to hurt you."

Her paw snaked out from under the blanket toward me, and I grasped it without looking at her. "I love you," she said.

I squeezed my eyes shut, tears falling. "I don't deserve it."

"You only think that 'cause you're stupid," she grumbled. I blinked more tears away and frowned at her. She wore a sad smile, but she met my gaze steadily as she squeezed my paw. "I decide who deserves it, not you. And you deserve it. So shut up."

"I love you too," I whispered hoarsely.

"Da," Kiba said firmly.

Nollie and I stared at her. "Da. Dada." She gabbed my shirt and shoved it in her mouth.

Nola grinned at me. "Told you they miss you."

"Was that--?" I couldn't finish the thought, but I didn't need to. Nola nodded. I kissed my daughter on the head, making her giggle and burble again, then leaned my own head against the bed and closed my eyes. Nollie kissed my forehead. It was hard to believe after all my fuck-ups that I'd still be so blessed.

Of course, if things went wrong tomorrow night, I could lose it all.