FSE

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“Do I really have to do this?" Missy asked, holding up the plucked grouse.

Leo nodded. “You killed it. You prepare it."

“I'm not a cook. What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" She shook the thing around. Good thing it was already cleaned or else there would be a mess of red all over the kitchen.

“You're an adult, it's time you learned."

“Oh, I get it. It's because I'm a girl." Missy set the thing down on a cutting board. “I don't do the whole 'cooking' thing." She splayed out her hands. “See? Completely impossible to use with cooking." She smiled. “So why don't you do it?"

Leo shrugged. “Looks like you've got all the kitchen implements you need with those."

“What?"

“So long as you actually washed your hands, those should be good cutting knives."

Missy quickly pulled her hands behind her back. “No they aren't."

“Just gut the thing and I'll do the rest."

“Ugh, fine." Missy turned back to the fowl and stared at it. “Well?"

“You really don't know anything, huh?"

“No! I told you already!"

“Fine. Here. Let's start with the head." Leo moved up next to her and ran his finger just below its gullet. “Here. Cut here."

“Ugh, do I have to? This is going to be so gross."

“Should've thought about that before you stuck your teeth in it." Missy groaned. “Now, be careful. Don't want to cut too deep." She cut just below the thing's neck. “Now the neck proper.

“Here?" Missy asked with a wince. She traced a claw across its gullet.

Leo gently grasped her hand and moved it a little lower. “Here." Missy plunged her claw into it. “Carefully. Don't want to cut the crop."

“Blegh." Missy traced her finger around the thing's neck. Leo knew her claws were sharp, but she had almost no trouble getting through the thing's flesh, like she was cutting hot butter. “Is that enough?"

“Yeah, good." Leo unconsciously took her other hand to demonstrate. “Now you wanna pull the whole thing off."

“God, are you serious?"

“How do you think they do it?"

“They put it on a huge conveyor belt and let machines do it. Saw it on TV."

“We don't have a gutting machine. Just pull." Leo gently tugged on her hands in the proper motion. “Like that. It'll pop off." Her hands were as soft as the rest of her. It was with his touching that he realized her fur started to shorten at the fingertips and that her skin was almost as black as her fur. He hastily pulled his hands away.

“Pop? I'm gonna hurl." Missy awkwardly grabbed the thing's neck and gave a firm tug, audibly stressing herself. Indeed, it popped. She yelped and let go of the head, letting it fall onto the floor. The fowl's eyes stared back at her. “Did you hear that? It slapped against the floor. This is so gross."

“Wouldn't have done that if you kept a firm grip on it." Leo picked the thing off the floor and tossed into the garbage. “But hey, it's still in one piece."

“You do this now. My hands are covered in bird grease." Missy held up her claws for emphasis. “Can't we just go get McDonald's? I won't kill anything anymore, please."

“We're not going to let the bird go to waste. You hunt something, you either eat it, wear it, or display it." He walked back up to the grouse. “Now pick."

“Fine, alright, jeez. You really are Pocahontas." She turned back around to the bird. “We're never going on a walk again."

“You're never going on a walk again." He pointed to the tail. “Chop this whole thing off." Missy effortlessly plunged her claw through the thing, lopping it off in one smooth motion. “See, you've already got the hang of it." Hesitantly he grabbed her hands again. “Shove a finger in here."

“In its ass? You sure this is legal?" Missy said with a barking laugh. She sliced into it. “Now what?"

“Now we make a real hole."

“No comment," Missy replied. Leo guided her again until the hole was big enough to shove a hand into.

“Looks like we didn't cut the intestines, now—"

“How the hell did you learn how to do this?" Missy asked.

“I looked it up."

“You go to the store like a normal person, don't you?"

“And a normal person is screwed if the store is closed." He reached into the bird and started pulling the intestines out.

Missy wretched, which sounded like a dog choking on a bone. “Oh my God. Seriously?"

“Seriously." Leo scooped out the guts and set them aside.

“You are not keeping those. Get the fuck out."

“I want to use it as fish bait."

“Fucking hell, and I thought I was the animal." She gagged again. “Alright, we're done now, right? No more of this? I don't want to look at a bird ever again."

“Fine. Wash your hands first."

“Way ahead of you." Missy moved over to the sink and started washing her hands vigorously. Once she had finished and dried off, she gave the grouse one last look, sneered, then walked off. Most of the work was already done, all he needed was to carve up the rest of it. He opened the cutlery drawer. All of his knives seemed so dull in comparison to her claws.

_

“I'm still up for McDonald's," Missy said, looking down at her plate. “Or Wendy's." She gave it a sniff and a prod.

“That factory junk doesn't compare to fresh fowl," Leo replied, cutting into a seared breast of grouse. “Go on, eat. You caught it after all."

“That was a flinch, bro. I don't just tear things to shreds to eat their guts."

“Guess you're lucky then, because you don't have to eat the guts." He took a bite. Perfect. Perhaps a bit too much salt though.

“I guess you googled how to gut the thing, but how does a desk slave become a cook too?" Missy asked. She tore off aa piece and ate it. “Hey, this is pretty good. Maybe it was worth it."

“I'm not a desk slave," Leo replied. “I help manage internet domains."

Missy propped her head up on the table. “I don't know what that even means."

Leo pointed his fork at her. “It means I help manage websites and make sure they pay to keep them."

“So you're like an internet repo man. Wow, that sounds super futuristic!" He wasn't entirely sure if she was serious or mocking him.

Leo took another bite. “Have you ever had a job?"

“Does it look like I can have a job?" Missy replied. “Would you like fries with that stupid question?"

“You could do online work from home."

“I'm not a U.S. citizen either, you know."

“You were born in the U.S. but— Yeah, I guess not." What an odd thought. “At least you don't have to pay taxes."

“But on the other hand I can't vote. Tsk, tsk." She started taking larger bites of meat, now holding the whole chunk. “Really though, how did you learn how to cook like this?"

“It's something to do. That's part of life, learning to improve yourself and doing new things."

“You sure?" Missy stared at the meat, then suddenly got that annoying smile. “Did it to get yourself a girl, huh?"

“You're the only person who has eaten my cooking, Missy." It was kinda pathetic when he put it like that.

The smile slowly disappeared. “Well, it's good at least. That's all I can say." She sipped a glass of water. “But if it makes you feel any better, I've never had a partner."

Leo furrowed his brow. “What? That's not what I meant. I've had girlfriends."

“So you're not good at relationships then," Missy said with a tilt of the head.

“I didn't say that either." Leo shook his head.

“I mean, you had many, and now you have none, so."

“Fine, whatever, sure, I'm not good at relationships."

“Sorry." That was a new one. Now he was thinking it.

“It's... fine." She really said sorry? He let the air clear a little. “You've never had a boyfriend— or I guess, girlfriend too?"

“Just boyfriend. I've had to munch a carpet or two for a couch to crash—"

Leo held up his hand. “You don't need to go that in-depth, Missy. Seriously."

“Really? I thought dudes loved girl on girl stuff."

“Not when we're eating."

“Oh." Missy stuck out her tongue, which was probably supposed to come across as sexual, but its absurd length made it seem more grisly.

“Missy, please. Don't."

“Ugh, alright, fine, fine." She took another bite of grouse. “No, I've never had a boyfriend, but can you blame me? I don't get out much."

Leo shrugged. “Maybe try a mating call."

“Oh haha, very funny. Maybe you should go on tinder, dork."

“What's a tinder?" Leo asked.

“I don't even know how to respond to that, dude."

“I'm just saying, if there's more of you out there, maybe they use a mating call too. Might get lucky is all," Leo said. Hopefully they wouldn't also follow the high school dropout attitude that Missy had. “It's probably easier than romance."

Missy lowered her food. “That's pretty shallow, don't you think?"

“What, and fucking people for a room isn't?"

“That's for survival. If I'm gonna get together with someone, I'm not gonna knock them right off the bat with a 'do you wanna do it?'" Fortunately that already moved Leo himself from the equation. Missy didn't seem like a very happy girlfriend type, so he wasn't sure who would even want to date her. “Believe me, I've thought about this shit."

“Alright, I believe you." Though what were her long term plans? He had already mostly accepted that she wasn't leaving, but he couldn't stay with her forever. Maybe somewhere back in his mind he was hoping there would be a settlement of other gangly monsters, as silly as it was. Though at this point, Missy was... Leo looked at her as she tore apart cooked bird. She was a little too human now, perhaps. Who knew if her peoples had a civilization, let alone a culture.

“Quit looking at me like that. You look like you're gonna eat me."

“Like I'm going to eat you?" Leo laughed. “Which one of us has the knives for nails here?"

“Which one of us expertly knew how to gut a chicken?"

“It's a grouse, and it's not as though I know how to gut whatever you are."

“Wolficus."

“Yeah, yeah, alright. I haven't even thought about that in years."

“Don't want to forget your childhood. Just look how boring adulthood is. You're reeeeeeaaaaaaaally lucky to have me, you know?" She shoved the last of the grouse into her mouth, horking it down like a bird would with a fish.

“Yeah, super lucky. Indeed."

Missy gave a content sigh. “Anyways, I'm off for bed." She leaned forward. “See you there." She stood up and walked off.

“Put your plate in the sink!" Leo called out.

“No more rules, Leo!"

“No more rules," he mocked. That wasn't exactly how the deal went but whatever. Leo took his time with the rest of the meal, not because it was enjoyable, no, but rather he realized his one real refuge had also been claimed by Missy. He sighed and ate the last piece of grouse. At least you didn't die in vain, poor fowl. He took his and Missy's plate to the sink, quickly washed them, and made the slow march back to his room.

“Welcome to my abode, human," Missy said, presenting the bed.

“Are you some kind of monster lurking in a lair now?"

“Sure. This side of the lair is free." She patted it repeatedly. “It's cozy, believe me, I've tested both sides."

“Stick to your side."

“Gosh, it's like we're a real couple now, with sides!"

Leo didn't respond. He just settled into bed and turned away from her. Of course, she was watching television. He regretted ever having put the thing in here. Why did he even get one? Just because everyone else on the planet had one in their room? Maybe he could hang up some fine art instead. That'd give something Missy to gawk at.

“Why not enjoy your time, Leo? You've got work tomorrow," Missy said, poking at his back.

“It's exactly why I need to get my rest."

“You're Mr. Perfect at work, I'm sure you can let up just this once. Relax, guy."

“Nah, I need to keep up the routine." He looked back. “Why do you care anyways?"

“I'm gonna be sharing a bed with you, aren't I? I'd like it to be someone fun. Looks like I got the grinch."

“Oh shut up."

“Why don't you take off your clothes? You look like a doofus sleeping like that." She prodded at him again.

Leo refused to admit his embarrassment. “Alright, fine." He pulled his shirt off, then awkwardly pulled his pants off under the sheets. Leo bundled the two garments together and pushed them out onto the ground. He could collect them for cleaning later.

“Why are you so afraid of taking your clothes off? Look at me, I'm nude twenty four-seven. Don't see me complaining."

“I'll shave you then."

“Come on Leo, we used to bathe together when we were younger."

“I certainly don't remember that."

“Well you better believe it, buddy."

“You've changed since then anyways. It's not the same."

“So have you! It's why I want to get to know you better."

“Do you really?" Leo asked sincerely.

“We're going to be living together, so duh."

“You should know that take up the whole bed while I sleep."

“It's a battle, then."

Leo didn't bother answering. Hopefully not a losing battle. He closed his eyes, blocked out the noise, and tried to sleep.

_

Leo slowly awoke. Something was off. It was the dead of night and he was still on his side. What was the issue? He slowly turned around to find Missy laying there, loudly snoring in a growly sort of way. Oh, right. It was the first night he had to spend with her. Surely she was much better asleep, but it had been quite some time since Leo had actually shared a bed. Not as though he used the whole thing anyways. He sighed. Despite being hard to make out in this light, he could still pick out some of her cuter features like her curly hair and animalistic snout.

It wasn't really Missy if she wasn't spouting something dumb every second. His gaze lingered on her body. A sense of curiosity swirled around in his mind. What made Missy into the creature before him? Not that he had any choice in the matter, but it made him wonder what had made this mythical creature of the night into a sarcastic and chipper housemate. It wasn't the rambunctious little girl who would wipe ketchup on her dress, or who would jump off trees to chase away cats. It wasn't like Leo knew if any of those memories could even to be trusted, though. She was now a twenty something nobody who spent her time wasting it and getting off.

Leo looked at her for a little longer. There was still that voice in the back of his head wondering if she was real. No doubt it was a shock to have over a decade of denial smack you right back in the face, smiling all the way. He turned over and closed his eyes. What would it have been like if they hadn't parted? Who knew. Missy could be the bad egg and he'd be worse off, or she could have been a decent roommate. Didn't matter anymore.