FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Leo spent his time fretting over his ruined laptop in the living room. First he ran through the usual corporate list of fixes. Turning it off and on? Nope. Safe mode? Nothing. Shaking it vigorously? Maybe it helped his nerves, but it did nothing to bring the thing back up to speed. He turned on the television for some background noise. Staring at this screen started to wear on him. He looked back at his bedroom, hoping he didn’t just toss away a good five hundred bucks by letting a beast of the night hold onto his phone. Don’t focus on that, just focus on... the other thing that she broke. To be fair, he did agree to letting her use it. For the most part.

Every so often, Leo could hear Missy watching something. It was completely up in the air if it was actually educational. He shook his head and forced himself back onto the laptop. There had to be something he could do to fix it. He was a handiman, he could fix it. Somehow. Missy giggled in the background. OK, that was enough, he had to check in on her. Leo closed the laptop and walked back into his bedroom.

Missy hadn’t budged from her spot, still staring at that phone in her hands. “So? Figure it out yet?” Leo said, arms crossed.

The monstress looked up at him. “Not yet. There’s a lotta parts that go into it.”

“What was so funny?”

Missy smiled and held up the phone. “These guys look like huge dorks.” Yeah, that sounded like something she would laugh at.

Leo went over and sat down next to her. “Learn anything other than that?” Had his prayers come through?

“I know we need some main parts. Simple stuff. Hard drive, motherboard, CPU, RAM, ca—”

“Do you know how to put it all together?”

“Easy, I’m getting there.” Missy rolled her eyes. “Don’t expect me to learn everything in an hour. These guys go on and on about the dumbest things.”

“I imagine they’re going on and on about the things you should be learning about.”

“Nah. They just say stuff like how the first commercially available stick of RAM was sold by Intel and only had one kibit of capacity in the year 1970.”

Leo furrowed his brow. “Uhuh.” He couldn’t choose whether he was more baffled by what she was saying or by her having bothered to memorize something so specific without missing a beat. “And how does that help us?”

“It doesn’t! That’s why it’s dumb.” She rolled over onto her back, snuggling up next to his leg. “I wasn’t even alive in 1970 and the computers back then were only like, spreadsheet machines.”

“Hey, you learned something though, right?” Mission success.

Missy narrowed her eyes. “And what am I supposed to do with that junk? Go on Jeopardy?”

“If you can, sure, but don’t you feel better just knowing something?” Leo gave a hint of a smile to accentuate his point.

“I’d feel better knowing what goes on in your head.” Missy reached out and tapped Leo on the nose. Kinda creepy seeing her stretch out like that, which contrasted against her curly hair splayed out on the bed. The sunlight hit it just right to make it glimmer a little. “Don’t stare. You’re scaring me.”

“I thought you had crumbs on your face.” Leo turned his attention to the phone, plucking it from her hand. At least she seemed to be doing her job. “How much is it going to cost overall? That’s the really important part.”

“That depends on how good of a computer you want.” She looked around the room. “Hey, what do you even care how much it costs? Look at this house! I bet your paychecks have so many zeroes.”

Leo sighed. “Even if I got paid a lot—”

“You do!”

“I would still want to be as economical as possible with my purchase. That’s how you manage money.” He looked back down at Missy. “That’s how I even have this house.”

Missy stretched and groaned. “Well, don’t look at me. I don’t touch money.”

“With good reason.”

“No. I just can’t make money.” She stuck out her tongue. “Unless...”

“Unless what?” That couldn’t be good.

“Unless you gave me an allowance!” Her face instantly lit up. “How about it, Leo?”

“Step back for a second.” He held up a hand. “Where would you use money?”

Missy shrugged. “I dunno. To be honest I just like the idea. Like in those heist movies when they get the cash and toss it everywhere like confetti. That looks fun.”

“I’m not letting you do that with cash. Do you know how filthy the stuff is?”

“What are you, my mom?”

“Apparently if you’re asking for an allowance from me.”

Missy opened her mouth then paused. “Yeah, well, I could still buy stuff online, right?”

“Not with hard cash you’re not.” Leo shook his head.

She waved her hand around. “OK, OK, OK, how about I have an online allowance then?”

Leo knew she wasn’t going to drop this, despite his exasperation. “And how would that work?” he asked, rubbing his temple.

“You just tell me how much cash I have, then I can use that much to buy something.” Her smile widened. “I would work for it,” she cooed.

“You already have a free house, free food, and a free bed, on top of free entertainment. You should be working for those first.” Surely there had to be some sort of tax cut he could get for harboring such a rare animal? At least a little? He supposed his house would have to be classified as a zoo first.

“Oh please? Just a tiny bit. A tiny, tiny bit. I want to buy one thing and say I earned it. That’s it.”

“Later, Missy. We’re getting off track here.” Leo turned his attention back to the phone. “What about tools. Do we need anything specific or are we going to have to buy more things on top of the parts?”

“Aside from thermal goop, we should be fine. I think you have screwdrivers, right?”

“Yes. Yes I do.” She actually bothered to learn her stuff. It was still presented in her horribly dismissive tone that made it feel like she was five seconds away from either falling asleep or ready to move onto the next shiny thing that caught her attention. Now she just had to put it into practice. “You’re going to have to find other sources to confirm this stuff. You know that, right?”

“What? Why? The fat guys laid out everything. Literally. They tore a poor computer to shreds.” She tapped on the side of the phone. “I saw the whole surgery.”

“And you’re sure they didn’t skip anything?”

“Not unless they ate a piece.” Missy nuzzled her head into Leo’s pant leg. She was going to tear his clothes eventually, he just knew it. “Anyways, I did my stuff. What’s for lunch?”

“Your ‘stuff’ isn’t done yet, but maybe you want to catch lunch?”

Missy pouted. “Quit it. I swear I still smell its guts sometimes. Just order us some Chinese or something.”

“We’re not out of food so I’m not letting it go to waste.” Leo pocketed the phone. “You mind pulling your face off my leg?” Missy obeyed. Leo then sighed for what was about to escape his lips. He had said it before, but only as a polite automatic response or a way to soothe her nerves. “Thanks for actually doing this.” Missy turned her head and narrowed her eyes. “What?”

“Where’s my real Leo, huh?” She tapped the back of her hand on his arm. “You’re not one of those body snatchers, are ya?” Leo rolled his eyes. “Alright, you’re welcome.” Leo almost felt like saying another thanks just for that response. Missy dropped the suspicious look. “You know, you could thank me with some takeout,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“It’s some kind of divine miracle you’re as thin as you are, Missy.” Leo nodded.

“Why, thank you. I think. Does that meaen you’re ordering?”

“No.” Leo stood up and headed for the kitchen. “By the way, put that robe in the wash once in a while.”

“What, and lose your scent?” Missy replied.

_

“Do you really have to watch this while we eat?” Leo said, pointing at the television screen. Missy had set it to some terribly miserable real life crime show. She sat nearby in the lounging chair while he took the couch.

“It’s the only thing on television right now, OK?” Missy tore a bite out of her beef sandwich. He really had to get more ingredients. “Unless you want to talk, huh?” she said with a slight giggle.

“I don’t think we have a single thing to talk about.” Leo glanced over at his laptop. He could “talk” about how many things she somehow managed to ruin over her stay, but that would probably kill his appetite.

“We could talk like normal people. Exchange likes. Ask questions.”

“Are we normal people?”

“We can pretend to be,” Missy said with a shrug. “Don’t you want to ask me questions?”

“What would you know that I wouldn’t?”

“You’re saying that to the only Wolficus you’ve ever seen? Really?”

“Missy, I already know who you are. You being... whatever you are doesn’t really change that.”

The dark lady let out a low guttural groan that sounded like someone being strangled. Obviously she took much delight in her more alien nature at times. “You suuuuure?”

“Unless you can tell me where we can buy you clothes, no, I’m not that interested.”

“Don’t you like your ladies showing a little skin?” She looked down at herself. “Fur?”

Leo took a bite of his meal. “It just makes you look like a slob.”

“I don’t really like clothes. I think for you it’d be like, wearing clothes on your clothes. Wouldn’t that be dumb?”

Leo nodded at her. “What’s the robe for, then?”

“It’s cozy.” She snuggled up against the fabric. “Not tight either.”

“You used to wear a dress way back when. Why not something like that?”

Missy gasped and smiled. “You remember!” Did she really have to do that? “I only wore the dress ‘cause the old folks thought it was ‘proper’.”

“I thought you liked it.”

“It was good for wiping my mouth.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet...” Leo shook his head.

Missy leaned forward. “What about other questions, got anymore?”

“What? Why?”

“We were having a conversation! Like regular talky humans would.”

“So you’re a human then, you admit it.”

“Oh shut up.” She swallowed the rest of her sandwich in one, horribly gruesome bite. “Maybe I wanna be human, but until I can walk around without a care in the world, you better believe I’m pure Wolficus.”

Leo leaned back in his chair. “How did we even come up with that stupid name?” he mumbled.

“I think we got a taxonomy book and made it up.”

“I’m surprised you even know what taxonomy is.” There was the faintest memory of something approaching that. Sitting in some dusty living room, looking over a huge book with a lot of words. Missy couldn’t read at the time, so he had to do it for her. It was actually fun sounding those words out and trying to guess what they meant.

“Oh yeah, smart guy? Why not come up with a new one, then?”

“Alegeinos Carnivora sound good?” Leo finished up the last of his meal. He was surprised he even remembered some of that.

“What does that mean?” Missy asked.

“You’ll figure it out.”

“If it’s something bad I’ll cry!” Whether that was a joking threat or not, Leo still didn’t like the sound of it.

“You’ll be fine.” Leo stood up and retrieved their plates.

“I coulda done that.”

“Sure you could, but you wouldn’t.” Leo set the plates down in the sink and walked past Missy.

“Where ya goin’?” Missy asked.

“Going to clean up the exercise room.”

“Hey, wait, why don’t we try talking like regular people would for a little longer?” She stood up from her chair. “Wouldn’t that be nice?” Leo cocked his head. “Oh don’t give me that look.”

“What look?” Leo asked with a shrug.

“The ‘oh, I bet she’s up to something again that dirty scoundrel’, look.”

“I guess you got me there, but can you really blame me?”

Missy fell back into her chair. “No... I guess not, but still! It’s more fun than cleaning, right?” As she said that, a recreation of someone getting shot in a crime scene showed on the television. “Right?”

Leo supposed he had nothing to lose from it. This was another opportunity to help her change for the better, so he might as well take it. “OK, alright, we can talk.” He rounded the couch and sat down. “What do we talk about?”

Missy instantly got up and plopped down next to him on the now all-too-small sofa. “I got a question for you.”

“It’s not a stupid one, right?”

“No.”

“Then go ahead.”

“And you have to answer this time.”

Leo nodded. “Alright, go.”

“Why don’t you remember the stuff we used to do?” She quickly held up a hand. Now she was doing it to him. “I know, you said, they sucked or whatever, but really, why?” That was a tough question. Leo remembered scraps. Bits and pieces of the stupid stuff they’d get up to, along with some of the other kids who apparently grew up to be losers.

“It just happens as you get older, I guess.” Leo scooted away from her. That wasn’t quite it either, was it? There was indeed a bit of spotty memory loss as you got older, but... whole chunks? He sighed. Not that it mattered, of course.

“I still remember the stuff we did. It was like yesterday, if uh, we were both midgets.”

“How much has happened since then, though?” Leo had to clarify so it didn’t come across as an insult. “I mean, has anything really shaken up your life?”

Missy looked to the television screen. “I guess not.” She shrugged after some staring. “You can probably guess why.” Yeah, he could. As much as Missy was a pain, there were some things she really couldn’t help. Leo might’ve lost his mind if he was forced to stay in one house for most of his life, even with the odd trip to the outdoors. “Does that mean you forgot your promise?” Oh God, what now?

“Promise? Missy, I wasn’t even a teenager yet.” Leo shook his head. “Any promises I made were by a stupid kid who thought Santa existed.”

“Hey, I’m here. Santa could be real too,” Missy replied with a smile. That did bring into question a whole wealth of his beliefs, actually. She was right. If she was real, anything could be on the table at all. The thought unsettled him. “But you forgot the promise.”

“What promise, Missy?”

Missy clasped her hands together and swooned. “To marry me when we got older.” That stupid smile stuck to her face so there was a fair chance she was lying. Well, there was a fair chance she was lying anyways.

“Like I said, a kid. I am not following through with it.” There had to be some sort of law against that.

“What about keeping your word, huh?”

“Don’t.”

“Alright, alright.” She turned more toward him. “It was fun, though. When we would go outside and pretend all sorts of things. Do you at least remember every Friday we’d go to Ms. Swanson’s for a freshly baked pie?”

Swanson was a name that rang somewhere in the back of Leo’s head. Associated with a tomb of a house packed to the gills with ancient decorations that made it incredibly stuffy. “She was your mom, right?” Leo asked.

“I mean, yeah, she took care of me and...” Missy trailed off and twiddled her thumbs. “Not really my mom, anyways.” Leo briefly wondered if that’s why she left. No doubt Ms. Swanson was already up there in terms of age by the time they were creeping into their teens. Who else would she have really turned to? “You have to remember the pies though!”

“Sounds familiar. I remember the broken grandfather clock in the kitchen.” The one that never moved but still rang every time on cue. “The one you’d always copy the tone of.” Damn, that was annoying.

“Bing bong! See, I knew you’d remember the good stuff eventually. Now we just need to work on that ring.”

Leo didn’t goad on her stupidity. “Anything else? I’m not really in the mood to reminisce.”

“What are you in the mood for? Oh! I know, how about you tell me all about work?” She bumped her elbow into his side. “I know you’re a working man.”

“Don’t do that.” Her arm swiftly retracted. “You already told me that my work sounds boring. What changed your mind?”

“Nothing, I guess, just thought you might wanna talk about it. I never had a real job, could be interesting.”

“I’m sure all those idiots you used to hang out with all had jobs, didn’t they?”

“OK, yeah, they had jobs but like, fuckin’, I don’t think gas station attendant is all that interesting.” Missy shrugged. “Depressing if you ask me. Super depressing. Same as fast food chef.”

Leo furrowed his brow. “None of them did anything else?”

“Times are tough.”

“How would you even know that?” Leo replied.

“I read stuff.” She tilted her head and smiled. “You’re not like them, of course. At least not the house.”

“Yeah, I figured that much.” And thank the heavens for that. There was something to be said about Missy of all people finding someone else to be depressing and pathetic. He supposed he should be happy she was here with him and not there, but there was still the whole dead weight part of the arrangement. “I’m guessing they did a whole lot of lounging around when they got home too?”

“That and complaining.” Familiar. “Oh, and a lot of takeout food.” Missy sighed. “I miss that stuff. The fast food.”

“Don’t you like any home-cooked meal at all? That fast food stuff is addictive, you know.”

“I know, right? I couldn’t get enough of the stuff!”

“No, Missy, it’s legitimately addictive.”

“I’m just gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. I don’t want to be a junkie, no thank you.” She tapped her chin. “Why don’t you try making burgers and french fries, huh?”

Leo rubbed his neck. The proximity was getting to him, strangely enough. “I don’t have a grill for that.”

“So? You got pans to cook meat on,” Missy replied.

“Grilled burgers are the best way to go about it, that’s all there is to it.”

“I guess I shoulda expected that from the chef.” Missy eased off of him. “Don’t you wanna try fast food sometimes though? Like, ever?”

“It’s cheaper to make what I want,” Leo replied. He nodded. “And I don’t have to worry about having a heart attack either.”

“It’s fine if I have a heart attack. I have three of them,” she replied smugly.

“You do not,” Leo said, ecasperated.

“Oh yeah, how can you tell?”

“It would be in your pulse, Missy.”

She stuck out her chest. “Go on, have a listen.”

Without breaking eye contact, Leo picked up her hand by the wrist and pressed firmly against her fur. She had an elevated pulse from what he could tell, but it was definitely just an average circulation as far as he knew. “No, you don’t.” He dropped her hand.

“It’s no fun if you do it like that. Maybe I don’t have three, but I bet I’m super resilient stuff like that!”

Leo propped his head up on the arm of the couch. “And how do you figure that?” He was truly curious how far her eccentricities could go.

“I’m made to eat all sorts of gross stuff out in nature, right? Not like weak humans who cook everything.” Missy snapped her teeth at the air. “Logic.”

“If you’re made to eat stuff in nature, then you’re sure as hell not equipped to eat half of the chemicals that go into fast food.” He rubbed his eyes. “That’s logic.”

“Gosh, it sounds like I’m gonna die. The last of my species. Gone,” she said dramatically.

“It hasn’t killed you yet, so you must be tougher than the average Wolficus.” Did he say that? Whatever. “You know what I mean. Anyways, you don’t know you’re the last so don’t say that either.”

“Can’t I just be a little special?” Leo looked to her. That was a joke, right?

“Missy, how are you not special? You are the walking embodiment of every single cryptid hunter on this planet’s dream.” More like worst nightmare, all things considered. Yeah, we found this rare specimen never seen before. Sentient. Walks upright. Tool manipulating hands. Oh, what’s that? It eats pizza and watches TV? Oh.

“Like you said, there could be more. Billions?” She nodded. “Maybe billions more of me!” God, no, please. “Wouldn’t that be cool?”

“Yeah, that’d be... that’d be swell. Where are they, though? They’d have eaten the world’s supply of candy by now. Someone would miss that, I’d think.”

“Underground?”

“Let me ask you a question. Have you felt like burrowing any holes recently?”

“Uh, no?”

“Then they’re probably not underground.”

“We could be in caves.”

“Do you want to live in a cave?”

“Hell no. That would be super gross and probably scary.”

“So caves are also a no,” Leo replied. He really should be doing something else right now, but he knew Missy would take this skeleton of a conversation to wherever he was going too. He should’ve invested in headphones at some point.

“I’m uh... Domesticated. So it’s not like I would know, duh.” Missy rolled her eyes. “We could be super, super advanced. Like, you know how everyone says the Egyptians were aliens? Actually that’s us. Yep. I bet there’s a whole lot of us in some special city.” Although the way she used ‘domesticated’ made her seem more like a dog than something civilized.

“I don’t even want to think about the logistics of that, but doesn’t being domesticated make you unique then? There you go.” He held a hand out to her. “You’re unique. Enjoy.”

Missy’s happy expression dropped, replaced with wonderment. “Yeah, I guess.” She placed a finger on her chin. “You think there’s maybe some people like us? Old buddies. Living in the same house. Having fun?”

“I guess it’s not completely impossible.” There was some comfort in the thought that he wasn’t the only one going through this. “That begs the question why nobody has ratted them out yet.”

“Like I said, friends. You wouldn’t tell on me, would you?”

Leo looked down at his lap. “No. I wouldn’t, but not everyone would be so nice.”

“I’m glad I have you then, at least. Don’t tell the other guys but I think they’d probably sell me off for a lotta cash.”

“They would’ve done it when they kicked you out, wouldn’t they?”

“Not when I show them these!” She raised her hands and flexed her fingers. They would be stupid enough to fall for those, yeah. “And maybe I said I’d get some of my Wolficus buddies to tear them up if they said anything. That helped.” Missy put on a soft smile and shrugged. “You gotta do everything to survive, you know?”

“As long as you didn’t actually do anything I guess there was no real harm in it.” Aside from sleeping with one eye open for the rest of their lives. “I hope you didn’t actually tell them you were coming to me.”

“Don’t worry about it. I just tracked you down on my own and had them drive me nearby.”

Leo furrowed his brow. “And how did you manage that?”

Missy pulled her head back. “Took a long time. A lot of wishing, hoping, and sensing.” Her smile faded away. “I think we’re connected, you know?” She pointed between them. “I mean, how else did I get here? It’s a long way from home. I felt it, sorta.” Missy having some sort of natural homing mechanism was frankly a scary thought, and he wouldn’t put it past her. He still had his doubts.

Leo straightened out his posture. “That’s nice. I guess.”

“Didn’t you feel it?” Missy asked. “Like, when I first got here? That pop in your head?” The first night almost seemed like a blur. A terrible nightmare was what it should have been. She was a whole lot more frightening then, and a hammer to his quiet life. It was a pop alright. “I felt it.”

“You could say there was something like that. More of a bang.”

“You can’t say it like that.” Missy grimaced. “Do you know how hard it is to not make a joke about that?” She shook her head. “Never mind. I got another question,” she said, smile returning as quickly as it left.

“Alright. Not a stupid one.”

“No, not stupid, it’s important to me.” Missy just had to lean closer to him. “Did you think about me? You know, after we were apart?” She pulled her legs up onto the couch. “OK, it’s kinda dumb, but I just have to know.”

“I don’t think you’re going to like the answer, Missy.”

“Just tell me, Leo.”

He shrugged. “Alright. I did. A little bit, but only wondering if you were real or not. Some people said they had no memory of you.” Leo partially expected her to throw a fit if he didn’t have her in his thoughts and prayers 24/7.

Missy had no response at first, but eventually gave a sigh of relief. “At least you thought of me. That’s good enough. Though I can’t believe some losers forgot me.” She tossed up her hands. “You’d think the whole monster thing would be enough, but I guess not.”

“I wouldn’t take it personally. You’re hard to believe.” Not even he was sure if that was a compliment.

Missy bounced on the couch, sending her frizzy hair every which way. “Aren’t I just?”

“Alright, relax, you’re not a Grey alien or Bigfoot.”

“Of course not. Those guys are so boring. Who even cares about little green men? Yeah, so smart traveling across space but they don’t even wear pants. Bigfoot is just a cave man.” Missy pushed out her chest and smiled a little too proudly. “I am the true queen of the cryptid world that everyone should know and hunt.”

Leo straightened up. “You haven’t told anyone, have you? I know you go online. Please tell me you didn’t.”

“I didn’t!” The monstress shook her head. “I mean, I wanted to. It’s hard being so cool and not telling anyone, you know?” She tilted her head to the side. “Even if I did, what would be the problem? Not like anyone would believe me.”

“That’s the worst part. Someone would, and then they’d obsess over you, and they would find you.”

“Sheesh, they must be jealous of you, huh?”

“You have to promise me you won’t do that, OK? I don’t need an insane person at my door, alright?”

“You would protect me, wouldn’t you?” Missy asked.

“Missy, promise me,” Leo urged.

Missy put a hand over her chest and held the other up. “OK, I promise not to attract insane people to our door, and I will not become queen of the cryptids. That good?”

“It’ll have to do for now, I guess. Seriously, do not mess with people online, you’re only asking for trouble if you do.” Leo sighed, already imagining hundreds of internet creeps working together to figure out where a picture of Missy making a stupid face was taken based on twelve pixels of a tree. “Just don’t do it.”

Missy sized him up subtly, or what Leo assumed was subtly. She didn’t move her head to do it but her dishplate eyes certainly did. “You got it, Leo. No internet strangers for me.” She lowered her voice and continued, “I guess that only leaves you as the only person I can talk to.”

“If it keeps us safe, then so be it,” Leo replied.

“Hey, that reminds me, you got any friends at work?”

“That’s the one place you’re not supposed to make friends.”

“Isn’t that the other way around?”

“No.”

“You sound like you’re friends with the bossguy.” Missy stifled a laugh, much to Leo’s chagrin. “The one you said—”

“Yes, him. I guess we’re acquaintances, nothing really more than that. Work only.”

“Well, uh, OK, what about outside of work?” Missy asked. Leo thought about the question. He didn’t really have any, did he? Not like anyone he would willingly hang out with anyways. Missy leaned to the side, drawing his attention. “Hm?”

“None, really, but what’s the issue with that?”

“I didn’t say there was an issue.” Damnit. “But hey, you’ve got one friend.” Missy tapped on her chest.

“Yeah, alright, if you say so.” Leo rubbed his forehead. He wanted to launch into a diatribe about how much of a friend she’s been exactly, but they were working on it. Things would get better. “We done with this conversation or is there antyhing else you want to grill me about?”

“Hmm, I guess I’ve gotten all the deets I wanted for now.”

“The what?”

“Deets. Details. C’mon, Leo, we live in the future, get with the times.”

“I’ve never even heard that slang.”

“I know, I know, you only hear about 401ks and offloading foreign market stocks, but we can work on that.”