FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The familiar hum of halogen lights was practically a choir to Leo’s ears as he tapped away at his keyboard. The weekened was over and he could finally start a fresh new week, away from Missy’s constant poking and prodding he had begrudgingly become used to. In fact, her annoyances had gotten to the point where he needed to get it out of his system, dump all his pains on someone else for a moment. He paused just as he filled out the last line of a report. And who would he exactly do that with? Leo pushed himself from his desk for a brief moment. There was... Well, like he said it’s not like he made friends at work. Everything here was strictly business, otherwise he ran the risk of being distracted by people who desperately wanted to escape from their workload.

Of course, he could probably argue his superior was something of a friend. Not that he really wanted his superior to be so buddy buddy. Not only did it disturb his workflow, but he felt as though that having some semblance of a relationship damaged his professional image. What was the point of working hard if your friend was everyone else’s boss. No, Leo would work for his spot in the company and make sure his skill was what drove him forward. A random thought hit him. Isn’t that a little robotic? Leo pulled himself back to his desk. Robotic isn’t even an issue. That would have been an improvement if anything. Or would it be? Wouldn’t it be nice to have even one friend to talk to about the stuff you like?

Funny how even miles away from home, Missy found some way to torment him. Perhaps he had to admit that she was a good obstacle. Something to work around, or rather, work with. That brought up the question then, did he really regret having her appear at his doorstep? She did confirm that a large part of his life was in fact, reality. That furry, annoying jigsaw piece to finish the whole puzzle that was his childhood. Assuming she was actually real. No one saw her but him. Overworking and stress could have easily created some horrible delusion for him to vent his anger on.

Why was he even thinking about this at work? Leo tapped the bottom of his chin and went back to work. “You know, I wanna say that’s the first time I’ve seen you pause in years,” an older voice said. And this is why you always focus on the task at hand.

“Sorry sir, just going over my work.” Leo quickly glanced back so as to not be rude. Yeah, that was Vernon alright.

“The girl must be a master at wringing the life outta ya. An Adonis like you stopped in his tracks?” There was a slight joking tone to his voice but Leo could tell he meant what he said to at least some degree.

Leo kept typing to make up for the time he spent spinning around in his head. “She’s certainly a handful.”

“And you’re still at it.” Vernon set a cup of coffee down next to Leo. “You know what that says to me?”

Leo froze, as if a terrible secret were about to be unleashed upon him. “What’s that?” he asked.

“You’re either the most strong willed man I’ve ever met, or you’re in love.”

Leo’s eyes nearly burst out of his head. He stifled a laugh. “I’ll take the former. Thank you. It’s gonna take a lot to love someone who can’t even be bothered to love themselves.” Not in the pleasuring sense either. Eugh.

“Fair enough.” Vernon chuckled. “I’m just thinking aloud. Still... Maybe you should consider a day off or two?”

“No, I’m quite alright. Thank you.” Leo hastened his typing.

“It’s paid, after all. Wouldn’t be missing a day’s work, really.”

“No sir, that would be missing an honest day’s work.”

Vernon sighed. “I don’t want to be challenging your manhood, Mr. Davis, but we all have to take some time away from the hamster wheel. And before you say it, yes, even more than just the weekend.”

“I’m far more relaxed here than at home, believe me.” He could already picture Missy, grabbing his arm and jumping up and down in excitement. Got a day off? Why don’t we waste more time gorging on popcorn and watching lizards go at it?

“Not too sure about that with the million mile stare you had going on there.” Leo must’ve been an open book to other people. He supposed that’s what happens to people who become insistent loners. “Just give it a shot. A day or two to reassess your arrangement back home.”

“Those days are limited. I’d rather save them for a sickness or an emergency.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, Leo, you’ve stockpiled more than you’ll ever need and we both know you’ll be working from home if you’re sick.” Not anymore, thanks to the little arrangement back home bricking his computer, but he wasn’t about to mention that. “I’ll even send some work your way if it’ll make you feel better. How’s about it?” He nudged that cup of coffee closer to Leo.

“Alright, alright. A day.” Leo took a sip of that coffee. Bitter. There was a reason why he never drank the stuff.

“Would you make it two?”

Leo stopped for a moment and glanced back at his superior. “There’s something odd about a manager asking his underlings to take a day off, sir.”

“True, but it’s not easy watching the star player stumble, you feel me?”

“Suppose I do.” It felt good to be recognized for his work, as petty as he knew that was. “Thank you, sir.”

“Now you finish up your work and head back home once your hours are up. Tell your pretty lady the good news while you’re at it,” Vernon said with a chuckle. “You hear me?”

“I’ll try my best, sir.”

“When it comes to a woman, that’s all you can hope for out of a man, hah.” And as quickly as he came, the boss left, leaving Leo to contemplate the utter pain he agreed to. Well, not pain per se. He could use some of that extra time to work on a few things around the house. Just that the constant, nagging presence of Missy needing to be entertained was something that began to wear thin on his psyche. Could he blame her, though? Who else was she going to talk to? He forbade any sort of internet contact out of fear, and there certainly weren’t going to be any casual house guests. At least, he hoped there wouldn’t be any uninvited guests. God, what would she do if there was a knock on the door? He had completely forgotten to draw the curtains. The thought hadn’t even occurred to him.

Leo quietly set aside the fear of his door being bashed in by the government and quietly returned to work. Somewhere on the edge of his conscious mind he asked himself what would be worse, being interrogated for several hours over harboring some sort of alien creature or the idea that out of all the suckers to take her in, he was the one to lose her.

_

The cycle repeats. Leo unlocked his door and stepped inside. A day off. He shut the door. Another day off with her. “Welcome back, my lord!” Missy said, waving from the couch. “How was work?”

“It was fine,” Leo said, already undoing his tie. “How was frittering away the day?”

“Don’t say it like that, now I want some apple fritters.” She held a hand over her stomach, which he just noticed was covered by a dark blue shirt.

“What is that?” Leo asked, pointing to her.

“Last I checked these are called ‘shirts’. Maybe they changed since then.”

“Why are you wearing one of my shirts?” Leo asked, setting down his case and walking over to the couch. “It’s going to be covered in your fur.” Not like everything else in his house wasn’t already.

“You said not wearing clothes made me look like a slob. So here I am, non-slob Missy.” She stood up and presented herself.

Leo looked down. “And pants?”

“Too weird.” She lifted up a leg. “I’d wear some shorts, but you’re some kinda weirdo who doesn’t own a pair. Ahem, could be changed with a little internet allowance.” Missy rubbed her fingers together.

“What would you even do around here that would warrant any sort of allowance, Missy?” His question coupled with her name made him realize he really did sound like a mom, jeez.

“I take out the trash sometimes. Doesn’t that count for something?” she asked with a shrug.

Leo shook his head. “If anything that just goes to paying off living here.”

“What, am I in debt now? Gee, it’s like I really am an adult.”

“Don’t you think that’s at least slightly fair? Just a bit?”

“It’s not like I’m that big a drain, dude.”

“Food and electricity can be a pretty big drain.”

Missy rolled her head. “OK, fine, food, but watching TV adds what, like ten bucks to your electricity bill?”

“Ten bucks adds up. I could’ve saved that cash for something else.”

“Fiiiiiiiine. What do you want me to do for an allowance?” She held up her hands. “Something Wolficus friendly, please.” Leo really wished she’d stop saying that.

Leo walked over to the hall closet and pulled out a vacuum cleaner. “You could clean up, for one.”

“Vacuum?” Missy looked at the thing.

“You might have some weird hands, but you can hold a vacuum cleaner just fine, can’t you?” He plugged it in and rolled it over to her. “Can’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess. Doesn’t sound fun though.” Missy took hold of the thing. It was awkward, but she could at least cart it around. Really, that’s all you had to do with a vacuum. Partially why he shelved it. More exercise with a broom and dustpan. Leo flicked the thing on, causing Missy to squeak and flinch. That and it was loud as hell. “I think I’m deaf now, thanks!”

“You’ll get used to it!” Leo said over the wail of suction.

“So do I get paid by the hour or what?!”

“We’ll talk payment after the job is done!”

“I’m starting to think employee benefits here suck!” Terrible joke, even for Missy standards. Leo headed on over to his room and dressed himself in something more comfortable. He noted the missing blue shirt in his drawer, which ever so slightly bugged him. If all went according to plan he could at least force her to wear something that didn’t belong to him in the first place, though whatever she wore was definitely hers now regardless. The vacuum continued to roar through the house, along with the loud clattering of its plastic wheels. What was once a source of pain was now put to good use. Oh, and it was good the vacuum was finally getting some use too. “At least twenty bucks for cleaning the whole living room!”

Leo walked back out into the living room. “Only in your dreams, Missy!” Twenty cents seemed more reasonable. Not that she deserved any sort of monetary compensation. He could only imagine what kind of useless nonsense she’d try to buy with or without his blessing. Foreign snacks, all sorts of useless trinkets, stupid t-shirts. The works. At least she was trying to do something, even if it was for the sake of monetary gain and not self improvement. Baby steps. He moved out into the living room, gave Missy a quick glance to make sure she was still at it, and went right into his exercising room. He was still slightly beat from his rigorous task of sitting in front of a computer and ruining his spine, so he decided to clean up his equipment for his day off.

After retrieving a rag and some cleaner, Leo suddenly heard the vacuum come to a stop, putting the house at ease. “OK! Done!” Missy yelled out. Leo sighed and walked out into the living room to inspect her handiwork. If he could even do so. He kept the house mostly clean as is. Missy was the only one to really scuff up the place.

“Seriously? It hasn’t even been ten minutes.”

Missy crossed her arms and rested on the cleaner’s handle. “I work fast.”

“Yeah? We’ll see about that.” He couldn’t quite believe he was actually going to scrutinize his floor, but there he was, going over every inch of wood flooring. It did seem relatively clean, although that was most likely already his doing. Admittedly he was surprised that there wasn’t a mess of food all over. There were a few tiny specks he could make out that needed some cleaning that he decided to ignore. He figured he didn’t need to spend several minutes arguing with Missy over sucking up a speck of lint. “I guess you do work fast,” he said, half-joking.

“See? What’d I tell ya?” She stuck out her hand. “I’ll take that twenty now.”

“You’ve earned a dollar at best, and that’s being incredibly generous.”

“We working on Zimbabwe bucks here or what?”

Leo crossed his arms. “How much do you think a janitor makes an hour, Missy?”

“Eighteen bucks?” she said with a shrug.

“It really is a good thing you’ve never had a job in your life.”

“Look, it’s not like you’re a super serious boss guy tryna make a profit. You can cut me some slack.”

“I’ve given you all the slack I can.”

“You know, it sounds gross when you say it like that.”

Leo pursed his lips. “Look, you can either try to put some effort in for all the goodwill sent your way, or you can never think about having any sort of ‘allowance’ again. Got it? You’ve already eaten your fair share of cash.”

“We’re back on that, huh?” Missy replied. “Maybe I should call you dad instead of mom.”

“Well, just think about it. You think this was worth twenty bucks? Not in the real world.”

“I got it, I got it. What else can I do, though?”

“How about you come help me clean up in the exercise room?”

Missy scrunched up her nose and made a horrible retching sound. “Gross. You don’t have that nice Twizzlers smell when you’re exercising.”

Leo furrowed his brow. “What?”

“You didn’t know? You kinda smell like strawberry Twizzlers.” Missy nodded. “It’s pretty nice in the morning.” The man tried to set aside that baffling statement.

“Alright, well, you gonna join me or not?”

“Fine, I guess, but this is definitely worth twenty bucks.”

“Fifteen.”

“Eighteen!”

“Ten,” Leo replied.

“Wait, hold on—”

“Take it or leave it.”

Missy rolled her eyes. “Alright, sheesh.”

“Come on,” Leo said, motioning toward the room. “I got a spare rag for you.”

“Gee, thanks. You always get me the best gifts.” She set the vacuum aside and followed Leo. “Don’t you ever do fun housework?”

“What house work is fun?” Leo spritzed a spare rag with some cleaner and handed it to her.

Missy stared at the ripped bit of cloth for a moment. “Let me say that a different way. Don’t you ever do anything fun?”

“I watched those movies with you, didn’t I?” Leo replied, wiping down his stationary bike.

“Yeah but you don’t do anything fun on your own.” She pointed to the exercise machine. “Like, why don’t you just get a real bike and ride that, huh? Woods are nice for it.”

Leo shook his head. “I don’t need one. I’ve got the car, and I’m not biking through the woods. I like to take my time on the trails.” He looked to the stationary bike. “Plus, a bike is a huge investment. You can’t imagine all the research that would go into picking out parts and style of bicycle.”

“Or you could just buy one that looks cool. Like a normal person would.”

“And waste money?” Leo asked, spritzing more cleaner. “You have to research these things. Like with the computer.”

“I guess. Really weird you would research a bike, though. Like, the thing goes over land and you pedal. What do you need to know there?” Leo held up his rag and circled it in the air. Missy nodded and started mindlessly scrubbing at a dumbbell. “All I’m saying is it’s not like you’re gonna be a professional. At least I don’t think so. Dunno.”

“I’m not going to be doing any marathons if that’s what you mean. I would still like to own something nice if I’m going to be using it, though.”

“Cool things are nice,” Missy replied.

“Thanks for the deep insight on that one,” Leo replied with a smirk.

“Not everything has to be deep as an ocean, Leo. Sometimes it’s a puddle. And in the puddle’s reflection? An idiot.” He supposed there was some merit to her words, even if he wouldn’t ever admit that. There was an urge to have the very best of what he could afford.

“It’s just nice to own nice things, Missy.”

“And you say I have deep insight, huh!” Missy said with a chuckle. “Better get Socrates in here for the next one.”

“Alright, just get to scrubbing. It’s been a while since I went over everything so it really has to shine.”

“Yeah, gotta impress the guests.” She whistled. “They’re gonna cry when they see these sweaty things sparkle.”

“So what, you’d just let the place get covered in grime?” Leo asked as he wiped down the rest of the machinery.

Missy ineffectually rubbed some other equipment. “Isn’t that what it’s made for?”

“You’re still supposed to maintain things. Not that I’d expect you to know that.” Or any of the other people she stayed with, for that matter.

“You wound me, really.”

“Good, now put some elbow grease into it,” Leo said.

“Should be easy. I’ve got more elbow than you.” The two finally lapsed into a silence, bringing Leo much needed serenity for his work. Missy still had her ways to be particularly distracting though, even in utter silence. Dumb faces, low growls, and occasionally staring off into space. Would it kill her to be consistent while working for once? For once? She’s hardly worked at all in her over twenty years of existence. It was a miracle she was working at all. “I gotta ask,” Missy said, shattering the peace.

“What, Missy?” Leo replied, spritzing down his rag.

“Do you exercise to catch girls or what?”

“No.”

“So this is one of those magical self-improvement things, huh?”

“Yeah, you should try it some time.”

“I’m just a fragile thing, Leo!” she replied with a flutter of the eyes.

“Ever done a pushup?”

“Ever done a pushup with arms and legs like mine?”

“Fair enough.”

“That’s right, everything is harder for poor old me.”

“Why not make your own exercises then, huh?” Leo said.

“And cut into my lounging time? That burns calories too.”

Leo stopped for a brief moment. “Not even going to try?”

“Look, I don’t get fat, that’s good enough for me. I don’t need to be thinking about how to put myself through pain,” Missy said firmly. Leo decided not to follow up on his questions. “I’m not getting paid to exercise, am I?”

“No.”

“Then not a chance.”

“Get through this and we’ll talk payment then.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that!” Missy said, and immediately sped up her scrubbing to fervent degrees and allowed silence to return once more. Occasionally she would request another spray of cleaner. She was actually getting into it. Good. Not pay twenty bucks or even ten bucks, but still pretty good. Maybe he could pay her in Kit-Kats if need be. That’d probably get her moving. That or burgers. After more cleaning, Missy eventually asked, “That good?” Leo stood up and moved over to her side. Seemed shiny enough. No obvious dirt marks or smears along anything she touched. “That stellar work or what?” She held out her hand, already greedily begging. He supposed that was good enough for now.

Leo pushed her hand aside. “What are you going to buy online?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Because I don’t need you buying garbage. I already feel bad enough handing you money.”

“Oh ye of little faith. I was gonna buy clothes. Unless you want me to roll around in yours some more?” She tugged on her shirt, which was in reality his shirt. “I can do that for free!”

“You get ten bucks for now. That’s it.”

“Not even fifteen?” she whined.

“I don’t see you doing any more work,” Leo said with a shrug.

“OK, OK, I can take out the trash too. How much is that?”

“Two dollars?”

“What?! That’s like, worse than minimum wage!”

“So what, are you going to bring it up in court?” Leo took her rag. “Shouldn’t take too long to buy a shirt anyways, so what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is I’m being shafted here. Isn’t there anything I can do to make more cash?”

“You could ask nicely,” Leo said, half-joking.

Missy slouched. “Pretty please?”

“Sure, three bucks for the trash.”

“Wow, thanks.” She leaned against the biking machine. “I could buy a whole candy bar.”

“See? That’s all you’ll need.”

“What’s wrong with sending a few extra bucks my way?”

“Because you don’t need it. You just want some cash for work you should be doing anyways.”

“Alright, forget it. I’ll take the stupid wage slave pay.”

“Good. Going to take out the trash now?”

Missy grumbled. “I’ll do it after you go out for work tomorrow.”

“I’m not going to work tomorrow.” Actually, he probably should’ve kept that a secret. Too late.

“What? There a holiday or somethin’?” Her eyes widened. “You didn’t lose your job, did you?” She stepped up to him. “Is that why you’re being stingy?”

Leo eased away. “No, I didn’t lose my job. I’m just taking a day off.”

“Wow. A day off for the robot. We should do something special for the occasion.” She started swinging her rag about. “How about another movie?”

“Don’t you have any ideas of fun other than watching movies?”

“What else are we gonna do together?” She smiled. “Aside from the obvious,” Missy said, holding back a laugh.

“Don’t even joke about that. I don’t know what diseases you have.”

“Hey now, that’s mean.” Missy crossed her arms. “Well, what else are we gonna do? You don’t want to do anything fun. It’s in your genes, I guess.”

“Who says we have to do anything together?”

“Why not? We’re roommates!” To a fault. “They do things together.”

“We’re doing things together right now.”

“Don’t even, Leo. We’ve done this before. I know you don’t like me, but it’s never gonna get better if we don’t do things together!”

“I don’t dislike you, ease up. Anyways, even if I did, it wouldn’t help to just watch some movies.” He sat down on his bike, placed the rag on the handle, and faced toward the chronic lounger. “It’s not like you’re my kid, or another family member down on their luck. You’re an old friend I barely remember.”

“So? Doesn’t being an old friend mean anything?”

Leo supposed it did. To some degree. “It doesn’t help that the old friend asks for a lot.”

“You know why I have to.”

“And here we are trying to fix that,” Leo replied, presenting the room. Missy grumbled in response. Better not push it. “Look, we’re done for the day, OK?” She looked at him for a brief moment before tossing her rag on the ground and walking out. Slightly better than expected. It was probably a harsh shift for her, he knew that, but it was about time she grew up. They had chores as kids, didn’t they? He probably did. She, on the other hand, had a nice old lady to live with. Not likely that she ever had to lift a finger. Whatever. Didn’t matter now anyways.