FSE

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Leo crawled out of the depths of sleep and stretched. His body still had a twinge of ache from the night before, but nothing serious. He looked to his side to find Missy and her newfound aquatic friend missing. That fact almost made him want to go for another hour of rest—he could certainly use it—but he relented and stood up. The man could already hear Missy in the other room, wasting away at the television. She was some kind of medical marvel on top of just being an obscure animal. By all accounts she should be near comatose with how much she enjoyed herself yesterday.

The smell of hotwings was on the air. Leo peeked out into the living room. Yeah, there was Missy, having microwaved chicken for breakfast. “Morning, sleepyhead!”

“Yeah, morning.” He glanced over at the mattress box. Still there, phew. His eyes scanned the room for the whale until he found it sitting snuggly atop the desktop computer. A fitting resting place, he figured. “Make sure you wash your hands after that OK?”

“Hand, Leo. Remember? Eating hand.”

“Yeah, OK.” It was too early to argue semantics in cleanliness. Speaking of which, he had to take a shower. It was hard not to rush himself into the bathroom like it was a workday. His body was deprived of those little doses of dopamine he got from making himself look presentable, forcing his senses off balance. Fortunately there would be an entire room to work on today, assuming Missy actually let him do so. With that last thought, he stepped in, washed, and stepped right out. Now all that stood between him and a really good night’s rest was breakfast.

Waffles, kitchen table, done. Leo washed his plate. Now onto the day’s main event. Missy still idly munched away at her hotwings. She glanced at him occasionally, but made no comment. Leo walked to Missy’s new room and unpacked the bed frame. As he read over the instructions, he wondered if this really was the right thing to do. This only cemented her place in his home. Not to say a guest bedroom wasn’t a good idea, but a Missy bedroom might not. Not to mention the niggling, returning thought that Missy might not even be real at all. Then again, he wouldn’t be able to eat half of those hotwings by himself.

Bit by bit the bedframe came to fruition. The TV in the television continued to blast away without any snarky remarks from Missy. Maybe he should’ve replaced the frame for his bed too, this one was far too nice for someone who didn’t even want it. Oh well, it was a good excuse to get new screwdrivers too, which he now gleefully switched between on every slightly different screw. He might’ve been battered from the night before and all its absurdities, but he was quickly back in the swing of things. This was his drug, and he loved it.

It wasn’t long before the bedframe was assembled in all its glory, and Leo paused to admire it. The brown didn’t clash with the white walls, but if he did paint them pink, it would. He could just paint the bedframe white then if need be. Missy’s room had become his new project, or maybe, in a way, Missy had herself. Leo shrugged off that thought and went off to pull his mattress off the frame. It was a stupid rule, not getting her a new bed. Not breaking the promise, he supposed. More like Missy just wanted to catch him on a technicality. Fortunately he had the patience to work around that.

The lady silently watched Leo go by, still eating her wings. With a hearty tug he pulled his mattress off the bed and slid it across the ground on its side. Missy watched him go by again. Bed set in place, perfect fit. Isn’t it nice when things slot into place neatly? “Missy!” he called out.

“What?” she yelled back.

“Get in here.” Missy sauntered in and came to a stop next to him. “Well?” Leo presented the bed.

“Well what?”

“What do you think of your new-old bed?”

“Yeah, it’s great.”

“You gonna try it out?”

“Whaddya mean? I slept on it for weeks.”

“Sure, but it’s got a whole new view now. Don’t you wanna try it out?”

Missy looked between him and the bed, then shrugged. “Yeah, OK, I guess.” She sat down, then eased down onto her back. “Needs pillows.”

“I figured that much. Good position? TV is going to be smack dab in front of you.” Leo pointed at the far wall.

Missy stared at it before responding, “Yeah, should be good.”

“Great.” The woman grabbed his arm and helped herself up. “Easy, you still have sharp claws.”

“Me? Hurt you? Never.” She tilted her head. “OK, except that one time in bed but that was an accident!”

“You decide on a color for the room yet?”

“Navy blue isn’t good?”

“It’s your room Missy, not mine. You decide on the color.”

“Can I have red with purple polka dots?”

“No.”

“But you said—”

“Do you know how hard it would be to paint in the dots myself? A solid color, please. I’m still human.”

Missy giggled. “What if I made you honorary Wolficus? Would that work?”

“I think that would have the opposite effect.” An elbow nudged into his rib.

“Not fair. I’ve been working a lot.”

“Yeah, but the standard Wolficus probably doesn’t.”

“You’re saying I’m some kinda... super Wolficus?”

“Something like that.” Better than the average, assuming she was the average before. Leo glanced at her more animalistic features and how horribly they crashed against her dayglo orange ‘Momster’ shirt. Probably not the average before, no.

“Then what if I made you honorary super Wolficus then?”

“I can’t share that title.”

“Thank you. That makes me extra special.”

“So... color?”

“Brown.”

“You don’t want brown, Missy.”

“I know, but I thought it’d be funny.” She glanced around the room, then crossed her arms. “Kinda empty in here, don’tcha think?”

“You’ll get more stuff later,” Leo replied.

“As long as I do my chores, yeah, yeah, I know.”

“You’ve done a good job with them.” He looked around the room. Yeah it was a bit empty in here, but that would probably change in time. “Look, I’m gonna go set up my bed. You get accustomed to the room and I’ll bring you some sheets.”

“Hey, don’t you wanna try it too?”

“You’d think out of the two of us I’d—” Before Leo could finish, Missy managed to grab him by the arms and pull him onto the bed with her. He shut his eyes for a moment and let the annoyance pass. “Yes, Missy, I already know what my own bed feels like.”

The woman let go of him. “Yeah but location is important too.”

“I spent half an hour assembling this, I think I know the location matters.”

“Sometimes I wonder. I feel like you get too into the doing part, ya know? Like you’re a zombie.”

“You mean I’m focused.”

The woman hummed. “More like you’re try’na keep your brain running or it’ll explode. I think you gotta relax more.”

“That sounds like something you’d say.” Leo sat upright, with Missy quickly following.

“Yeah, just look at me.” She put a hand on her chest. “I know you want me to be a perfect maid, right?”

“That’s not what I want.” In fact, the thought was bizarre. She wouldn’t fit a dirndl anyways.

“OK, but like, you want me to be more mature n’ stuff and do things.” Missy patted him on the shoulder. “I think you should relax a little sometimes.”

“You know we have limited days on this Earth, right?” Leo replied.

“Nah. I’m gonna live forever. You are too.”

“And how do you plan to do that?”

“Denial!”

“I guess that’s definitely one way to do it.” Sometimes Leo had to envy her simple outlook on life. He was happy to see her shift away from her mortality like that, even if it was in the complete opposite direction. A nice gesture that he would be immortal too. “What if I don’t want to be immortal?”

“What kinda weirdo doesn’t want to be immortal?” Missy cocked her head.

“Don’t you think it’d get incredibly boring after the hundredth year? Thousandth year?”

“Pfft, no. It’d take a million years to run out of stuff to do. I’da thunk you would know that, Mr. Build-a-Chair.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “And after a million years?”

Missy looked to the ceiling. “Then I guess you take a little nap and start over again?”

“Couldn’t make any new friends, could you?”

“Nope. That’s why you’d be immortal too, Lion.” Well, at least he had a good idea of what hell would be like if St. Peter turned him away at the pearly gates. Alright, it wouldn’t be that bad.

“Nobody else could come with?”

“And ruin the club? No way.”

“Yeah, I thought as much.” Leo briefly imagined her as some sort of immortal trickster who only lived to ruin other peoples’ lives. Hm. “Anyways, thanks for the chat. I’m going to go set up my bed now.” He waved her off and walked out.

“Think about it! When I ask you to be immortal you better say yes!” Missy called out.

“Yeah, yeah.” Leo dragged the mattress box over to his room. Yanking the thing out of its box wasn’t too hard. He laid it on his bedframe and let it unfurl. There was something a little gross about seeing it all scrunched up like that, there was even a weird dampness to it. Whatever, a new mattress was a new mattress. Just had to air the thing out. He glanced out into the living room. Missy’s room was closed, but the television was still blaring. He walked out to find her right back on the couch, sitting in front of a bone filled plate. “You’re not in your room?”

“It’s just a bed right now, dude. What, you want me to sleep or something?” Not the worst idea.

“Just figured you might want to get a feel for it.” He glanced back at the door. “And you closed it too?”

“Kinda creepy in there, just an empty room like that.” She shrugged.

“Alright, well, the TV should be coming in a few days.” Leo briefly thought about anything he could put in there to liven it up a bit. Not much came to mind. He wasn’t really the decorating type. No posters or appealing furniture. There was the clothes basket he had planned, but that would be a bit of an insult at this point.

“Meanwhile, I got TV out here.”

“Fair enough. I might have a radio I can put in there in the meantime.”

“Radio? Sheesh, it’s like we’re back in the 40’s!”

“They had television in the 40’s,” Leo replied.

“And I’m gonna be worse off than guys in the 40’s? Tsk, tsk, and here I thought we lived in the future.”

“I might actually have a small handheld television now that I think about it.” Could’ve been with the junk he saved.

“No, no, no.” Missy turned back to look at him. “I don’t wanna stare at a tiny screen like that. My eyes’ll fall out and you’re gonna have to put them back in.”

“You have no problem staring at a phone.”

“Bro, have you seen how small handy TVs are from the early 2000’s? Microscopic.”

“Alright, guess you wouldn’t go for a black and white portable either.” If that thing still worked and if he remembered where he put it. Another thing to add to the todo list.

“I feel myself getting older already.”

“Is there anything you’d want in there?” Leo realized what he was asking. “Serious answers.”

“A TV is fine, relax. Why don’t you come watch TV and stop thinking about what you’re gonna shove in a room?” She patted the couch.

“I’ve had enough for a lifetime.” Certainly didn’t want to watch whatever muppets in space tv show she was watching. Was that a slug?

“Just saying, your brain isn’t gonna turn off.”

“Yours might if you keep watching TV.”

“Excuse me. Genius over here.” She shooed him away. “Go touch your weird, smelly bed.”

“Gladly.” Leo headed back to his room. The bed hadn’t fully settled in just yet. What to do now? Leo was hoping the mount for the television would come in and he could at least drill it into the wall. Another excuse to use his new screwdrivers. He looked to his doorway. Relax? How could he relax knowing something was going undone? Things don’t just do themselves. Well, not yet. That would definitely be one downside of immortality, the technology does everything itself. It was already happening with all those creepy AI things you speak into. Certainly a good thing Leo didn’t have those since Missy would most definitely use them 24/7.

“Oh come on, how didn’t you see that coming?!” Missy yelled.

Though maybe those AI things would get sick of her too.

_

Leo had spent much of the day waiting for that mount to come in. Not staying in one spot, that is. He occupied himself with more technical cleaning and some light exercise. As night drew closer, he wondered if Missy really was going to sleep in there or contrive some terrible excuse to sleep in his bed. Freshly new bed at that, with no fur or crumbs embedded in it. Missy herself went back and forth from television to computer when she wasn’t doing her chores. Computer time was helping, hopefully. Though at times Leo had to wonder if she was on there just for the sake of sitting somewhere different.

A knock at the door and the sound of a truck peeling away was enough to reignite Leo’s interest in the day. Look. Open door. Drag box in. Perfect. He was getting good at the sneaky package grab. A little weird that he had to do it at his own home, but hey, those were the circumstances. Missy moved away from the computer when the door opened and quietly returned once the coast was clear. The mount looked a little smaller in person. All the time hyping it up as a good project most likely contributed to that.

After a quiet dinner, Leo started the whole mounting process. Tools were lined up neatly on the floor. Mount ready. He paused for a moment and looked to his power drill. “Hey Missy?” Leo said.

“Yeah?” she yelled from the other room.

“I’m gonna be using a drill. Might wanna head to my room and close the door. Noise probably won’t be good for your ears.”

“Alright, whatever.” He could hear her mumble something else, then a door shutting. Perfect. He picked up the drill. Well, what about his own hearing? Nah, he’d be fine. He was a man after all. The same answer came when he thought about asking Missy to hold up the mount as he marked the proper holes. This was a one man job. Not that he exactly trusted her to hold it up properly anyways. After some finnicky fiddling and quiet swears among loud drilling, the first part was on the wall. Leo gave it a firm tug, then a pat as his seal of approval.

“Alright, done drilling!” The door opened and came the pitter patter of Missy approaching.

“What’re you doing in a girl’s room uninvited, huh?” The Wolficus had brought a pillow with her and batted Leo on the arm with it. “I should call the cops on you.”

“I think it’s fair. It’s under my roof after all.” He stood back to look at the thing. Perfection. Though maybe he could sand down some of the metal. Oh, right. “Your hearing OK?”

“What?! What did you say?!” Missy replied with a smile.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.” He stepped back to the bed and sat down. Now he almost wanted the room for himself. This was too fun.

Missy joined Leo and said, “There’s nothing there yet. You’re not gonna get anything on the airwaves.”

“Imagination is a powerful thing, you know. It’s part of visualizing your goals.”

“Hmm. I’m imagining some cookies right now and I’m not getting them.”

“You know what I meant,” Leo replied.

“I know what you meant, but do you know what you meant?”

“Yes.”

“Darn, hoping I’d get you with that one.” She hummed. “Still want those cookies though.”

“I can’t have you getting sick from eating those.”

“That’s what the Bismol is for. Chugging.” That sounded about right for where she came from. Hopefully the child safety cap extended to gangly monsters too.

“Anyways, it’s turning out well, don’t you think?”

“Again. Nothing on there, dude,” Missy replied.

“It’s the idea of what’s going to be there. I still have some of the frame to go, sure, but it’s started.”

The woman tilted her head. “You know you’re not gonna see that stuff, right? Like, ever? It’s gonna be behind a huge rectangle.”

“Yeah, but you have to appreciate the work it does, right?”

“I think Mr. Layman already invented something for that. It’s called a table.”

“No, a table would look completely out of place there. A dresser, maybe.” This decorating was becoming fun. “A small dresser. In black, maybe. Metal handles?”

Missy batted him again. “Hey, Earth to Lion. Don’t get stuck in fantasy land drooling over fancy furniture.”

“I thought you’d like it.”

“The basket idea was good. Easy too. That makes it the best.” She wagged a finger at him. “And before you ask, no, I don’t wanna make a dresser. You can’t trust the Swedish.”

“What? You really think I’d spring for cheap IKEA junk?” Leo asked.

“Oh, well, excuse me. I forgot you were super serious about this stuff.”

Leo certainly was serious about it now. He stared at the mount and felt the urge to test its stability again. Alright, maybe there was a slight problem with him. It was fun to see work bloom, though. “Alright, time for the next part.” He stood back up and went to work.

“Right, one nanosecond went by without screwing something.” The man had expected a giggle to follow that statement, but it didn’t come. He shrugged off the comment and continued. “It’s really like I’m watching the home network now. Hey, tell me all about Philips and flatheads while you’re at it.”

“Well, the Philips screwdriver was named after—”

“Don’t actually tell me. It was a joke. Sheesh.”

Leo hefted the thing into place. “I don’t joke about tools, Missy. Where would we be without them?”

“Eating rocks, I guess?” Missy replied.

“Something like that.” Some screws and bolts here and there while Missy quietly watched on. “Done! Now check this out.” The frame the TV would hang onto swung out. “Easy access for cables. No need to take it down at all.”

The woman tapped her chin and eventually said, “Table.” She smiled.

Leo deflated a little. “A table is nowhere near as cool as this.”

“OK, sorry, it was too funny. That’s pretty neat, I guess. Not that I’m gonna touch wires at all.” Missy stood up and adjusted the thing herself. Back and forth. “Actually, never mind this is really cool.” She continued to fiddle with the thing. Leo was unsure how serious she was.

“Just don’t do that when the TV is actually on there, OK?”

“No promises,” she replied.

Not long after that, night had come. Leo sat in his room, nearly ready for bed. Missy lay next to him, having just finished a movie. He considered objecting to that, worried she might want to stay there. The television turned off. “Time for bed, I think,” Leo said. Missy glanced at him and dropped the remote. The monstress stretched, then merely lay there. The man held his breath.

“Yeah, OK. Good night, Leo,” Missy said. She eventually pulled herself off of the bed, rounded it, and left. Phew. Leo watched her as she went. First she went to the living room, then came back with her orca. After that, she went straight for her room. Should he close the door? Better not. The distance was enough. He lay down and pulled the sheets up over him. Relaxation at last. Wait, what was that humming sound? Oh, right, the air conditioning. It had been a while since he noticed that low hum. Leo looked to his right at the empty space. He scooted to the center of the bed and spread out. It was easy to notice he had left an impression on the left side of the bed for their movie night. The right side had a smaller but still apparent dent in it too. They’d go away soon.

Having the whole bed to himself was freeing, in a way. No need to worry about tangling legs. No need to worry about jamming elbows. Certainly no need to worry about being wrapped in a furry vise. Just him and sleep. All the sheets to himself too. He took a handful more and pulled them over his shoulder. Actually, that might be too much, but the option was there. Leo turned on his side and closed his eyes. Kinda silly to get so worked up over sleep, he figured. Then again, who spent several hundred dollars to get a good night’s sleep in the first place? He did. Missy had better enjoy her room.

_

Leo woke up in the morning with an odd aching sensation across his body. It wasn’t like his muscles were sore, but more like his skin was pulsing. He rubbed an arm and sat up, being greeted by a black figure clad in a robe, causing him to flinch. “Missy, God, you’re going to give me a heart attack,” he said.

“Good morning,” she said. Aside from the robe she wore nothing. “Had a good night?”

“What the hell are you doing here?” He rubbed his eyes. “Didn’t I tell you not to do that?”

“Do what?”

“Watch me in my sleep?” Absurd he even had to say it.

“You weren’t asleep, I heard you grumbling so you must’a been awake.” She nodded.

“That still doesn’t answer my first question.” As he shifted to get up, he realized he had moved to the left side of the mattress again. Old habits die hard, he supposed.

“Door was open, thought it’d be OK.”

Leo shook his head. “OK, but why?”

Missy shrugged.

As usual. “Right, OK, just stick to your room. Please.”

“But it’s boring in there. This is where all the action is.” She raised her hands to present the room, at the same time revealing more of what was underneath her robe.

“Where’s Selene? Why don’t you spend time with her?”

“Oh c’mon Leo. I’m not seven.” Clearly, obviously, totally not. “What’re we gonna do today?”

“You want to rake some leaves?”

“No.”

“Cook some breakfast?”

“Nah.”

“Go grocery shopping?”

“No— Wait, what?”

Leo stood up and began pulling out his clothes for the day. “Yeah, I’d put it off longer but now I have two mouths to feed.”

“I always thought you just did that after work.”

“I snuck several bags of groceries past you?”

“I dunno, you could probably do it. You’re a real spooky guy sometimes.”

“No, I’m not that good.” He slipped on his pants. “Rules still apply while I’m not here, alright?”

“Like I said, not seven.” Missy moved over to him. “Could you get some stuff for me while you’re there?”

Leo glanced at her. “Like what?” he asked. Not that he really wanted to know.

“Would you say yes to a bottle of coke? Pretty please?”

“I’ll see.”

“Ice cream too! Or uh, the ice cream bars? Snacks. Anything to snack on. Please. I’m dying over here.”

“Easy, easy. We can’t have you eating ice cream if you’re lactose intolerant.”

Missy crossed her arms and turned her head. “I refuse to be held back by nature being dumb.”

“Alright, go find a tree while you’re at it because you’re not going to be bombing my bathroom after killing your intestines.”

“Eugh, could’ve just said no, buddy.”

“Look, I don’t know what’ll happen if you push yourself like that. What am I gonna do if you really get sick?” He slipped on a shirt.

The woman smiled and pulled him into a hug. “My good buddy Leo looking out for me.”

Leo wriggled his way out of her clutches. “Yes, I’m great and all.” Far too good, really. “Is there anything you actually need?” More snacks might be a good idea. Keep her from burning through the rest of his food. “Really, really need?”

“Ohhh, you mean like girly stuff, right? I’m not like other girls.” The way she put emphasis on that meant it was a terrible joke. “I’m better than them.” There was some shred of truth in what she said. As far as Leo knew, she didn’t need the usual array of products. Instead, she only needed food and horribly tacky clothing.

“I didn’t mean that exactly, but are you absolutely sure?”

“Human women have fear, the Wolficus is here.” She raised her arms and bared her teeth.

“Missy.”

Missy dropped her arms. “Nope. I just want some goodies. I mean, not like I hate your food, but ya know, some stuff to shake it up.”

“Sure, I’ll get you some cow tongue for dinner. That good?”

“Ugh, gross. And they call me the monster. Forget it, just a coke, pretty please.” There was something intensely amusing about Missy calling anything gross. “Vanilla. No, wait, cherry.” Leo retrieved his keys and wallet, then patted down his pockets to make sure they were there. Then he picked up his phone and shut off the alarm before it went off.

“Diet.”

“Rude. Are you saying I’m fat?”

“I’m saying you’ll get what I find.”

“OK, alright, I’ll let you get to it then.” She tilted her head. “Aren’tcha gonna take a shower first?”

“I want to get there early. I can take one when I get back.”

“Early dirty birdy gets the wormy.”

Leo slipped on some shoes and walked straight for the front door. “I’ll be right back. You know the rules.”

“And so do I!” Missy said.

Leo sighed and placed a hand on the door knob. He sized up Missy. “Put some clothes on too.”

“Yes, sir. You forgetting your gun, maybe?”

“No, I’m not. Be right back.”

“Bye bye!”

He opened the door and stepped outside, shutting it behind him. Before he could lock the door, Missy did it for him. How nice.