Fractured - Ch 4
#4 of Fractured - Interstellar Dissonance
Chapter 4
"A Seeker of Peace, Forged in Fire"
Zhal was currently examining Rav's face for any sign that his reaction was a positive one. Oh fuck... I think I miscalculated._Zhal thought.. _Is his a reaction of disgust? Of surprise? His eyes analyzed Rav's face for anything. Let me figure out the best way to continue this... Running permutations. Processing... 95% chance that Rav will accept what I need to tell him. Wait, 5% he'll reject me... SHIT. Rerunning permutations. 95% accept, 5% reject. Why can't I get rid of that 5%? Rerunning...
"Zhal, are you okay?" Rav asked, gazing in the Lycan's eyes.
Zhal blinked, realizing he'd basically left Rav hanging while he tried to figure his situation out.. "S...sorry Rav.. I'm trying to.. to figure the b...best way to tell you? I t-think I made a mistake."
"Zhal... I've never seen you like this, what's wrong?" The brown Lycan said, gazing in Zhal's eyes.
95% Accept, 5% reject....95% Accept, 5% reject....95% Accept, 5% reject....95% Accept, 5% reject....95% Accept, 5% reject....94% Accept, 6% reject.... NO, DON'T DO THIS... WHY WON'T IT GO AWAY??
"Zhal!! Please, what's wrong?" he rubbed the Lycan under the chin.
Then it came out. Zhal plaintively whined, gazing in his Lycan's eyes. He whined like a fucking lost pup. What the fuck was that, what's wrong with me? Then it hit him. He was fucking terrified of losing his Lycan. He noticed that he was trembling.
"Zhal!?" Rav rubbed his Lycan's cheek, "You... You're crying. What's wrong?"
"I...I can't make it go away." He whimpered. "I'm so s-scared."
"Zhal? Make what go away?" He pressed his nose to the other Lycan softly.
"The 5%... My... My calculations state a 5% chance that you'll reject me for what I have to tell you. I-I can't make it go away..." He squeezed Rav's paw, whimpering.
"Y...Your calculations..." Rav blinked, "What about the 95%?"
"95% you'll accept me... But that 5%.. I-it won't go away."
Rav gazed into the Lycan's piercing eyes, holding his face in his paws, wiping his tears away. "I know you're a Forgebreed and all, and you feel some urge to make it fit mathematically. But I'm gonna say this once. FUCK YOUR CALCULATIONS. They don't run your life. You're my Lycan, and nothing will ever change that. No matter what it is you have to tell me."
Zhal blinked at Rav's response, slowly raising a paw to his face, caressing his cheek. "Rav.. Y-you have no idea how much you mean to me. I don't want to lose you over this..."
"Zhal... Look... You can't just drop something like 'I'm Forgebreed 2.0 of the Lycan you love!' without explaining further. Don't leave me hanging you silly pup." He booped Zhal's nose playfully.
Zhal, still trembling and crying a little, held Rav's paw and squeezed it gently, smiling softly, "Okay. Where to continue..."
"Well you already told me you're on your second iteration. Continue from there." He rested his paw on Zhal's head, rubbing his ears softly.
Zhal nodded, and gave Rav a soft lick on the cheek.. "Well.. Um... What do you know about the Battle at the Lankarus Gate?"
"Hmm... Lankarus, not much really. I was only a pup when it happened. I remember my parents were terrified. Machines were infiltrating our galaxy? I did read some history on it later in the Academy."
Zhal nodded, leaning into Rav. He was supposed to be comforting Rav, and now here he is, being comforted. "Yeah.. This machine life was sneaking into our galaxy for months. We had a lot of trouble figuring out where it was coming from. Eventually, we found them punching unstable wormholes here. And we found out they were trying to find one of our fold arrays to bring... something here."
Rav nodding, trailing a paw along Zhal's chest, rubbing slowly. "I remember that now, yeah. They managed to hijack the fold array in the Lankarus cluster, and bring a massive gateway here, and destroyed the array."
"Yeah. And that's when the brunt of the trouble started. Swarms of ships poured out of the gateway. We were holding our own because the ships were primitive, but we were severely outnumbered. That's when we came up with the plan. We needed a Forgebreed to go over to the gateway command center, and force an overload of it's reactors. The extreme radiation in the command center would've killed any biological within seconds. We figured out if we could trigger the overload, every ship and every gateway on the other side would be destroyed in a cascade reaction since they were all connected." Zhal took a breath, not that he needed to.
The black Forgebreed stopped for a moment, nosing the Lycan "Would you like some Tal'jat? I have some from my last stop at home."
"Wow, Emperor's Blood? That's expensive. I haven't had that in a long time. Will probably go right to my head. I would love some though."
The Lycan chuckled, "Well at least one of us can get a buzz. I get it mainly for the taste. I think we both need it right now." he stopped for a moment as he opened the cabinet and took a couple glasses out, and a bottle of brownish-red liquid, "Though sometimes I enable an inebriationsubroutine so I can join in on the fun." He poured some of the liquid into each glass, before returning the bottle to the cabinet, then walking back with the glasses, offering one to Rav.
The brown Lycan sniffed it gingerly, before taking a sip. "Oof. That's strong. And really fucking good."
Zhal smiled, "It is, isn't it!?" He took a sip, tasting it for a moment, before continuing. "Where was I? Oh yeah... That's when the call from... him came in. Admiral Zenct, talking about sending Forgebreeds as if we're tools to be sacrificed. 'We can always build more, let them give their lives!' I volunteered after that because I sure as hell didn't want my friends to be lost and I had every intention of returning." Zhal sighed, "The fucking coldness of him. Like we're fucking tools to be thrown away. I would've done it anyway to save my crew! But that... I resolved after the mission was done, and I recovered, I would be resigning."
Zhal took a sip of his Tal'jat before continuing, "I uploaded my backup, and went over to the gateway. I accessed it's systems, de-synced the reactors and started the overload. I self-destructed my previous iteration to destroy the control center and prevent it from falling in their hands somehow.Theirships exploded, feeding back into the entire fleet and every gateway on the other side, the gateway they left here imploding. We had won!"
"After that was over, and I caught good old Admiral Zenct trying to delete my neural data when it was being transferred into a new body. Thankfully they give us holograms while we wait for the transfer. But I was so tired of all the anti-Forgebreed shit. And I saw it as a chance to start my life over. To show that Forgebreeds aren't just 'tools of the Alliance', that we have the choice, if we reach for it. That's why I resigned. I put my whole career behind me when I did that, but I feel it was worth it. I kept in touch with those that mattered most. We're a lot more forward thinking about everything, but we still have problem people like Zenct. After that, I took a new chosen name, I set up my ship as a cargo carrier, got some very nice swarmer drones I designed, and started my courier business. While helping sexy Lycans on the side." He nudged Rav, grinning.
Rav snickered and nodded, listening to the story, before speaking up.. "Wait a sec... I do remember more about the history of the battle. Captain Kosa'var is the one who sabotaged the gateway. Were you on his team or... Wait, new chosen name...?"
Zhal watched as the gears turned behind Rav's eyes, smiling as he slowly put two and two together.. Until...
Rav went wide eyed, "Fucking ELEMENTS... You're fucking Kosa'var?? You named your ship after yourself...??"
"Well, I'm not 'fucking Kosa'var', you're doing that." Zhal chuckled, smiling, "What else was I going to do with that name? I wasn't using it anymore..."
Rav buried his face into paws, feeling his face flush hot.."OH MY FUCKING FENRIR'S ASS..."
Zhal couldn't help it anymore, and laughed at how flustered Rav was. He wrapped an arm around him, nosing him softly, "You might want to stop invoking the Elements, least they hear you."
Rav just sat there for a moment, before taking a big drink of his Tal'jat, then leaning to Zhal, "You weren't kidding about this being a big secret. It's just... wow."
Zhal's smile softened as he turned Rav's face to gaze in his eyes, "I hope this doesn't change how you feel about me. I'm still absolutely terrified it will."
Rav gazed back into Zhal's eyes for a moment, before kissing him softly. "It nearly broke you to realize you might lose me by telling me your secret. That I meant that much to you. It doesn't change anything Zhal. You're still the same Lycan I fell in love with." He chuckled, "I just have to deal with the fact that I'm with a Lycan MUCH older than me now.. Say, how old are you including your first iteration?"
Zhal thought for a moment, rubbing his muzzle, "196 years old, including both iterations."
Rav whistled, "Okay, that's a bit of an age gap. But I can live with it." He licked Zhal on the nose. "So why did you make me Captain, if I may ask? You have so much more experience than me."
Zhal shrugged, "I served as a Captain in the Skoll'zhatis Alliance for over 100 years, Rav. I made First Contact with 32 civilizations, mediated two wars, fought in six major conflicts, helped dismantle two Zatian remnant constructs, explored this galaxy edge to edge, and fell in combat protecting the Alliance. I did my part, and I only want to impart what I learned in that time on others now. That's why I made you Captain of this ship, Rav. You only ever made it to Commander in the Alliance. You deserve better."
"Wow, that's.. quite a career. I wish I could say I'd done that much," he laughed. He looked around, noticed the room was spinning a little, "Oof, think that Tal'jat is going right to my head."
Zhal tilted his head, looking at Rav, "You gonna be okay? I probably should've given you less if you hadn't had it in a while, it's pretty strong. You know it has more than just alcohol in it, right? It also has wolfspire."
"Oh fuck, I forgot... I.. Umm." He stopped for a moment, looking in Zhal's eyes, or at least trying, "I.. maybe? It's been year or more since I drank. That was a fun day." He seemed lost in thought for a minute before shaking his head, "I mean I'll be okay, yeah."
The black Lycan placed a paw on Rav's shoulder, "I think we should get you to the medical bay. I don't want you to get sick."
Lycosi made his way onto the bridge after Zhal had passed him, looking out the door before it closed. "What was that about?"
"Not sure. We received some message that was encrypted in a way I'd never seen, and Rav decrypted it like it was nothing. He quickly left the bridge, and Zhal followed. It seems we're going to the Centauri Expanse now." Nezra replied.
Lycosi blinked, "That's a long ways away."
Asero nodded, "It's gonna take us over 5 days to get there at our current speed."
Lycosi rubbed his chin for a moment, looking at the coyote and red Lycan. "I think it's time we talked about this."
"Oh?" Nezra asked.
"About?" The red Forgebreed asked.
"Captain Ravanos," the tiger replied. "It's obvious he's hurting. We need to do something to help him."
Asero nodded slowly, "I agree. I'm just not sure how we can."
Nezra added, "well, we do need to know what's been going on with him. No matter how bad it is, we're a crew."
Lycosi nodded, "Exactly what I've been saying. Zhal shouldn't be shouldering everything himself, as close as they are. They need the support of all of us."
Asero replied, "That they do. Rav shouldn't be going at this alone, as he was when he first got here. How do we approach them though?"
"I'M NOT STABBING YOU," Zhal growled, as he helped Rav into the medical bay, the brown and white Lycan holding onto his shoulder.
"Aww, come on. It'd be a better excuse than trying to draw blood with an injector." the Lycan smiled, "And more fun too, we haven't had a decent knife fight in a while."
"NO!! There's no fucking way I'm stabbing you!" Zhal led the Lycan over to a medical bed, helping him up on it.
"Well, it wouldn't be a stab. We could say we were practicing and you slipped. Be easier to get the blood that way," The Lycan laughed drunkenly.
"There's no fucking way they'd believe a Forgebreed 'slipped'. And we're not supposed to use real blades while practicing anyways! I'm using the injector and that's final."
Rav chuckled, drawing his blade and tapping on it, the rod liquefying and forming into a large knife, "Let's just do it!"
Zhal moved faster than Rav could see. The fur flattened on his hand, taking on a black, metallic shine as he grabbed the blade of the knife, a metal-on-metal sound clanging as he did so, "Put the fucking knife away Rav! I won't warn you twice." He snarled, glaring at the brown Lycan, baring his teeth.
Rav looked up at him for a moment, before finally surrendering, "Fine," He said. He tapped the hilt and the blade retracted. Zhal let the rod go and Rav put it back in his scabbard, and Zhal's hand returned to it's previous soft, fuzzy state, his expression softening. Rav leaned back on the bed, defeated. "I just didn't want us to get in trouble drawing blood the normal way. What if they track that?"
"They won't. And if they do, fuck them. We're already in this deep," Zhal sighed. He took the injector and placed it against Rav's arm, drawing a vial of blood from him. He took the vial and placed it in the scanning station, before turning back to Rav, "Do you want anything to ease the drunkenness?"
Rav didn't respond for a long moment, just staring at the ceiling. "I miss home," Rav said quietly. "I miss my friends in Talthorne. And in the Alliance." He looked up at the Lycan, "Think we could go back to Nithar once this is over? I haven't been home in a long time."
He rubbed the Lycan's chest softly, gazing at him, "You're from Talthorne? That's a farming community, right?"
Rav nodded, "Yep, my family owns the biggest farm there, it's beautiful. I'm not very good at it though." He laughed.
Zhal smiled, "Well, we can definitely go back there once this is over. Would love to see your home. Why didn't you go back home when you left the Alliance?"
Rav sighed, "I was afraid they were going to execute me. Last place I wanted to be was anyplace they knew I'd go, and I definitely didn't want to endanger my family."
The black Lycan nodded slowly, "I understand. If you don't mind me asking, what's your Origin pack name?"
"Rokesh," Rav replied.
Zhal chuckled, "Huh, you named your Archivist ship after your Origin pack? You're a sentimental Lycan after all," He smiled, "And I am fairly sure I've stocked the galley with at least some things from your pack in the past."
"Of course I am, I just hide it really well," Rav smiled, "It was a way of honoring my origins without giving too much detail."
Zhal shook his head, "It feels like I'm taking advantage of your drunkenness, but you've got me curious about so much now. About your friends in the Alliance, I hope I'm not prying, but who was your Captain? I remember you said he recommended you join the Order of Time."
"Oh! No, you're not prying, I don't mind talking about things before the Order at all, and Gar'zevik was my absolute favorite Captain to serve with."
"Uhh..." Zhal hesitated. "Umm... I'm sure he was very good for you if despite his recommendation to join the Order of Time, you wanted to go back to his ship... But why is his name 'Cold Vengeance'?"
"Oh, right," Rav laughed. "Sorry, but that's not my story to tell. I'll be sure to introduce you to him someday. Knowing who you are now, he would love to tell it to you." Rav smiled.
Zhal arched his brow, "Well, now you really got me curious. I'm gonna hold you to that, you better introduce me." He grinned. Zhal rubbed his paw through Rav's chestfur under his shirt. "So how did you go from a farm community to the 'Lone Hunter' in the Alliance, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Oh, that was great. I grew up around other farm pups, but wasn't great at it, so I had to deal with their crap. Once I was of age, my family suggested I join the Alliance instead, since I had such great technical skill. THEN, I go to deal with all the shit from people in the Skoll'zhatis Academy who never went with a 'farm pup' as they kept calling me. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere."
Rav adjusted himself on the bed, rubbing the back of his head, "I got tired of all the backstabbing, the crap regarding my upbringing in a farm community, made myself unapproachable. Issued a challenge on another cadetwho wouldn't back down, and beat the shit out of him.Finally got people to back off. Once I graduated, I declared my chosen name Ravanos, the 'Lone Hunter'. Occasionally I'd let someone get close. Regretted it every time." He looked at Zhal, "You're the first I haven't regretted."
Zhal smiled, "what about Gar'zevik?"
The brown Lycan laughed, "Oh, we boned plenty. But being in a relationship was kind of frownedupon, me being a subordinate. I didn't really open myself up to him much either though."
Zhal nodded. "So you buried yourself in your work and closed yourself off to avoid further injury."
"Aah.. yeah. Wasn't the best decision of my life. Eventually I took the Rite of Joining with theAltieris packa year or so after graduating."Rav rubbed the bridge of hismuzzle, "I need to go easier on this stuff next time. Oof."
"Fuck. Altieris is hard enough to get into and you did it fresh from the Academy? I guess that tells me how buried in your work you were." Zhal shakes his head, "You're crazy, you know that, right? You biologicals shouldn't be pushing yourselves like that, especially at such a young age." The black Lycan leaned down and kissed Rav's muzzle softly. "Did you want anything to sober you up?"
Rav laughed, "Yep, I'm completely insane. How well I know that now." Rav thought for a moment, before nodding some, "Yeah, that would be nice. I-I'm not used to this."
Zhal nodded, loading another vial into the injector, placing it on Rav's arm, injecting the medication. "This should have you feeling better soon. Would you want to get anything to eat? I know you haven't eaten in a while.."
Rav thought for a moment, "Haven't eaten in more than a day. Nightmares screwed up my stomach. Maybe not a bad idea." He stretched his arms above his head, before sitting up slowly, "I think my head is finally clearing up. Was I really asking you to stab me?"
Zhal grumbled, "You did. Now let us never talk of that again." He fluffs up Rav's chestfur a bit.
"Hey!" the brown Lycan gasped, reaching over to return the floofing to Zhal's head.
"Ooh no you don't, you have this coming for that stabbing business," He continues to fuzzle Rav's chest, moving his paws to his sides and proceeding to tickle him.
Rav pants, "Oh fuck no, hahahaha! Please s-stop!!" Rav says, laughing hysterically while trying to swat away Zhal's paws.
Zhal chuckles and stops tickling, grabbing the Lycan in a hug, "I think that's enough torture. So you want some food?"
Rav pants heavily, holding onto Zhal after his stops tickling him, trying to catch his breath, "Haah... Yeah... that's probably a good idea. But... first, can I ask you something now, Zhal?"
Zhal rubbed Rav's neck softly, "Of course."
He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts, "Why did you tell me who you really were? You knew I had trust issues, and I know it scared the shit out of you when you thought I wouldn't accept it. But I still don't get why you told me." He bumped his nose softly to Zhal's.
Zhal blinked as he paused for a moment, giving Rav a soft lick on the muzzle, "You told me something so secret that you were endangering yourself by doing so. You trusted me with that. And you said you owed it to me." He gazed into Rav's eyes softly, "Well, I owed it to you to let you know who you were really going to spend your life with. I've wanted to tell you for so long. But the last time I told someone, almost 30 years ago, I lost their friendship." He held Rav a bit tighter, "I couldn't bear losing you to the knowledge also. But I still owed it to you. And I trusted you."
Rav smiled softly as he gazed back at Zhal, his paws rubbing softly along his back, "But you're still the same person you were before what you told me. Nothing's changed."
Zhal chuckled softly, "But we understand each other a bit better now, don't we?"
Rav laughed, and leaned his head on Zhal's shoulder, hugging him tight, "That we do. Thank you." He held the Lycan close, sighing softly, "I love you so much Zhal. I know I don't say it much, but you mean the universe to me."
Zhal blushed a bit, holding Rav close to him and sighing happily, "I love you too Rav, more than anything. And you don't have to, I know how you feel." He gazed into Rav's eyes tenderly, giving him a soft kiss on the muzzle.
Rav smiled, returning the kiss as he gazed in Zhal's iridescent eyes. "Mmm, so, you were saying something about food?"
The black Lycan smiled, "Yep! Was thinking of the Observation Deck, we could bring the crew there also, since we haven't done that in a while."
Rav blinked, "Yeah, last time we did I don't think we were in hyperspace. What's the point of using the Observation Deck if the blast shields are closed? Nothing really to see."
Zhal tilted his head at the Lycan, "...You've never been up to the Observation deck while in hyperspace? You have been missing out, my favorite Lycan!"