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Chapter 27 - We Continue Ever Onward

I never take for granted a warm bed. Growing up, I always had a small bed and a thin blanket and it was even worse at sea. The bed I had back at home was nice, but it wasn't anything like this bed.

It had been a week since the explosion. A lot of us had been hurt or wounded, whether they were scrapes or bruises or sometimes worse. Renaldo had asked a favor of our friend Siro to host us, as his own club couldn't hold everyone, tigers and foxes alike.

That was why I woke up with the sunlight beaming in through the window and feeling the warmth soak into my fur. I brushed my hand up along an orange and black thigh and smiled, curling up on my naked side and pushing more against the man next to me.

Nickel. The prudent Nickel who made sure all of us were safe from the law. He had needed to relax and his wife, ever the anxious feline, was not the one to offer him comfort. So he had done the one thing he could--he turned to me. And I had taken him to bed.

But I also brought Tin.

Oh, it had been awkward at first, the two brothers looking at one another, trying not to look at certain places on their bodies, but after some ale and pleasurable company, they relaxed. The three of us deserved a good night like that -- Tin had been oddly close to me since we had completed our mission, staying close and holding me, checking in on me. It was nice. He seemed to genuinely care.

I had wished to get Iron involved, but he didn't even entertain the idea of sleeping with another man. Oh well. Two out of three tigers isn't exactly a bad score in my book.

I quietly slipped out from between the two muscular, very naked cats, and looked them over. Both had morning wood, and both were so close they were nearly kissing. I had lewd thoughts and felt myself growing aroused, but I had to actually do some things this morning -- I could have more fun later. With a sigh I quickly got dressed and headed out into the hallway of the Arc. I knew who I needed to see.

I found him on the roof. He always liked the view from the higher up buildings, even if he was afraid to climb that high. When I pulled myself onto the Arc's elaborate roof, I saw Avery standing on one of the chimneys, legs spread properly and staring off across the city. He looked at me and smiled, waving his hand.

"Hey Simon!"

"Hey Av," I said softly, fixing my shirt. "I know this is gonna sound funny, but--"

"You can feel it," Avery finished for me, putting his hands behind his back and turning back to the city. "You don't need me anymore, Simon."

I felt a pang of loss hit me hard in my chest. As much as I was scared of this wolf boy, who was either a ghost or something in my mind, I secretly loved seeing my friend again. I loved that he was here. I felt the pain well up inside my chest and then my eyes. I began to weep right there, so quickly. I tried to stop it, tried to push the heels of my hands into my eyes. "I don't want to say goodbye," I admitted.

"You already did, Simon," Avery said softly, sitting down on the chimney's edge. "When I died. You said your goodbyes to me. I remember how much you cried and how awful you felt. I was listening. I was there, Simon."

I fell to my knees and looked at my friend, my old friend who had been with me since I was a tiny cub. I felt a new wave of pain, of guilt, and a new sob exploding from me as I covered my face with my hands.

I cried. And I _really_cried.

Pain that I had kept in, locked away, buried, hidden, and avoiding to look in the eye. The pain of seeing my friend hanging from that post, seeing him in a wooden casket, seeing him buried, and always feeling like it was my fault.

I screamed and sobbed, curling forward on my knees like I was bowing to Avery. Anguish filled my heart and I felt overwhelmed by it.

"I'm so sorry, Avery," I said through broken tears. "I wasn't your friend when you needed me to be. If I hadn't run off, you wouldn't have gone looking for me. You wouldn't--"

"Simon," Avery said softly, "you didn't kill me. Nothing you did killed me. I love you. I went looking for you because I was worried."

"But if I had just--"

"What, stuck around? Let Duncan beat you up some more? Rape you like he did some of the other boys? You got away. You went to someone who could protect you. And boys like us don't have that luxury."

"I needed to be there!" I cried, looking up at him. "I should've been there! It's my fault you're gone. It's my fault you were suffering and you're this... this... ghost or whatever it is. You never got to grow up, enjoy life..."

Avery frowned. "And neither did you. You never let yourself heal. You got older, sure, but you... you were dead inside."

It was true. I had felt so alone and lost in this world, afraid of the pain I thought it was my penance for letting so many of my friends die for me. I bowed my head again.

Avery looked around at the scenery surrounding us. "Life is unfair, and cruel, and mean. This world isn't a kind one, but you're a good person who tries to always be the kindest man he can be, even when it would be easier to be as cruel as Mordecai."

The young wolf then looked at me.

"You think that's normal?" he asked. "You take in so much pain because your heart is as big as a house, Simon. You never put yourself before anyone. How many times did you slip me food, or sweets, or apples you pinched when you shouldn't have been stealing?"

I sniffled. "A few times."

"A lot," Avery said with conviction in his voice. "Everyone knew it. Why do you think Alister always leaned on you? Because he knew your heart was huge and you would do what he needed you to do to make sure everyone is okay,"

"But I didn't..."

"You were a boy." There was a tinge of sadness in his voice. "You didn't have the power, the tools, anything to fight back the awful side of the world. You couldn't handle Duncan, you weren't equipped to. Mordecai as well. In all likelihood you shouldn't have lived, but you did, and your life is honoring mine. I couldn't stand to see you keep punishing yourself."

"But how will I keep going without you in my life, Avery?"

I heard a chuckle. "You idiot. I'm never _not_here. You think Alister is gone? Bensley? We're all here, watching you. Protecting you in our own ways. You're loved, Simon. The people downstairs? They love you. You found your family, you found the people who you need to cherish. You don't need to keep seeing me to remind you of that. You're stronger than you've ever been."

Avery smiled softly as the wind whipped around him. He held onto his cap. "You're loved. You're worthy of that love, and I will always, always, always be around for you. You may not see me but I am here. Love life like you used to."

Avery smiled as the wind really blew, a sheet from the alley below fluttered up and got between my friend and I. When it passed a moment later, he was gone... but against my chest was a hat. A Newsboy cap.

I don't know if it blew in from down below. I don't know if it was the ghost of my long gone friend. But I knew right then and there that I was loved. I held the hat against my chest and got up to my feet, sniffling and wiping my eyes as I looked at the clear blue sky.

"Thank you, Avery."

---

"So he got away?!" Iron shouted as he slammed his fist down hard onto the table. Siro winced and grabbed his arm.

"Mr. Iron," the white wolf said, "that is mahogany. I will implore upon you the necessity to not ruin my things."

Iron grumbled and sat back down, picking up his beer and downing it. The lot of us were together again, sitting along a long table with food and drink. It was as close to a party as I could imagine. People who I had feared, not trusted, loved... they were all here.

"There was no evidence of any wrongdoing," Nickel said, chewing on some bread. "And officially he went out to San Francisco where he has some branch offices. All the legal paperwork is coming out of there now."

"But," Renaldo said and held up a finger, "he's done in this city. The city bosses, from what I've heard, are done with him and not letting his short tail back in. They'll feed him to the fishes before they let him try to run an operation here. Blackballed. No one will do business with him, and if someone does, they'll regret it."

I looked around the room and found the twins. Rut was sitting with a button up shirt on but unbuttoned. His ribs were wrapped and he was wincing, but he was enjoying his pasta. Fiz was his usual self, eating a churro, of all things, and laughing. Tin was next to him and looking down at him warily. Terrified. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened between them.

The only quiet one was Gideon. He was sitting at the end of the table looking down at his food. He seemed tired. Siro had offered to help him.

"The best thing for Gideon, right now, is to remove him from your little circle right now, Simon," Siro had told me a few days ago. When I asked him why, he answered, "He's been through a lot of trauma, and I want to try and work with him. But right now, he sees you and he thinks of Mordecai. He needs to start developing his own life again, and that can't involve you."

That was not what I wanted, but I knew that it was the best for him. I also had an idea on work for him, too.

Palmer seemed sad when I had told him that I had to quit my job at his place, and he knew that he couldn't convince me to stay. I suggested that he hire Gideon instead--I explained to him that Gideon was the personal assistant to one of the richest men in the city before this, and he's an old friend from London, so I think he'll be exactly the kind of man Palmer is looking for.

I also said that he is uh...also is a lot like me, to which Palmer responded with a smirk, "Oho! Well then, that could also make his employment a bit more dynamic."

I told him that Gideon is a bit... bent right now, and needs time to heal. So I asked him not to do that tough love thing he did with me. The cheetah rolled his eyes and chuckled: "Don't worry my boy, I promise I'll be kind. You just look out for yourself and make it back in one piece."

I thanked Palmer for that, for keeping Gideon employed, and also for promising that my job will be waiting for me when I come back--he said he could have both Gideon and I on the job, which was a generous offer on his part.

I also had an announcement to make at the table.

"I'm going to San Francisco," I said--some people at the table had already known, some had not.

Fiz looked mortified. He was up from his chair and throwing his arms around me, hugging me. "Simon! No!"

I frowned and hugged him back. "I have to. Mordecai's on the run, he's injured... and if we don't end this now, he's going to just come back with a vengeance. None of you are safe. He's also unstable."

Rut frowned and leaned forward on his elbows. "You may have a point, Simon, but why you?"

"Because he's my problem, he came here because of me, and he hurt all of you in some unique way. I owe it to everyone at this table who stuck their necks out for me when all I had were stories of a scared boy in London. You believed me, trusted me. Now it's time I show this asshole what's what."

"No offense," Renaldo said with a sigh, "but you aren't much of a fighter."

"SIMON DON'T GO!" Fiz yelled, dramatically crying on my arm. I was still hugging him.

"Your gun almost got you killed because you didn't know how to use it," Rut continued.

I chuckled. "I'm not leaving right this moment, you know. I'll stick around until I've made some arrangements. Then, after this business with Mordecai is done, I'll come right back. I promise, you guys won't see the last of me."

"Simon..." Fiz said, his eyes watery. "You promise you'll be okay?"

A complete sentence. I was stunned.

"I...I'm going to miss you all," I said, patting Fiz on his head. "You and Rut... you're family to me. But if I let Mordecai keep doing what he's doing, he's going to kill you. Or try to. I can't...I won't let him do that."

"Go with!" Fiz said with a grin. "Help kill?"

I shook my head. "Rut can't travel right now. He's got a few broken ribs. And you both have lives here. Renaldo would flay me if I took you two from him."

"But if I take your word for it," Rut said as he looked over at me, "we're family. And doesn't a family stick together?"

I sighed again. "Fine. How about this? You heal up and you meet me there."

Fiz was sniffling, but then blinked, tilted his head... and nodded. "Fair!"

I laughed as Fiz hugged me tightly.

It was Tin who spoke up next.

"I'm going," he said, to everyone's surprise. "Iron can have the gang, I don't care. Mordecai kidnapped me, raped me, and did horrible things to my men. The way I see it, I owe him some problems. You're also practically helpless, boy." Tin flashed me a grin. "You need someone who can actually throw a punch."

"You just like having sex with him," Nickel said as he drank his beer.

"That too," came Tin's response, which resulted in everyone laughing.

Gideon looked at me and swallowed. "I won't go with you, Simon."

I nodded. "I know, Giddy. You have to have a life here, away from me. You aren't in any state to see him and I wouldn't let you. But you're going to move in with Fiz and Rut. They'll help you get settled, and you have my job with Mr. Palmer."

"Oh, new roommate!" Fiz was bouncing over, sitting next to Gideon and hugging his arm.

Rut sighed. "Thank God! I was worried I was going to lose the only person Fiz likes to spend time with."

"He'll probably like Gideon because he's an old friend of mine," I said with a smile, watching the two talk.

I glanced at Tin who looked... anxious to say the least. He shook his head. "Crazy fox..." I heard him mutter under his breath.

"Simon," Siro said as he stood up, "I think I'll go with you, too. I have two brothers out there who are setting up a place of beauty much like this one. I need to see them anyway, my dear. I'm not a fighter, but I will be good company for the trip."

And so that was how my next journey began. I wasn't fleeing anything this time. I was going after the man who had hurt me, and I was going with friends. I smiled at the people around me, enjoying food and drink, all here because they liked me.

This was my family.

And I will protect them, lest they come to dust.