FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Dry, crisp leaves rustled above a well-covered wolf as winter winds swept over campus. Rayner usually loved this time of year but even the bright oranges and reds brought him small comfort. The smell was making his nose twitch. Autumn had come early. The change brought out a more earthy scent to the air and the colour was a stark contrast to the country. It felt right that the pine green of home wasn't here.

It was late, everyone else he knew was about to either head to the bar to forget their troubles or to the library to face them. Three weeks into the first semester of his second year had gone better than his first. He was more prepared for it this time. University wasn't like high school and it definitely wasn't like home. No one guided or helped unprompted and even then it was tracked. Living in residence both helped and hindered that fact.

At the beginning of his first year, Rayner felt free. His pack was both large and structured. Being able to even wander without having to fulfill duties or obligations was quite a thrill. Then he felt untethered because the same applied to him and by New Year's break he was glad to be in his old room at home. His grades were about comparable to what he accomplished in Highschool but his social life had fallen off a cliff. Dating was worse. Granted, Rayner knew why dating had gone worse. He wasn't dating anyone he actually liked.

This year, Rayner was going to be his own wolf, he hoped, as he stared at the pamphlet he had hidden in his backpack since the club's fair during the opening week. In big rainbow lettering was, "RiverBEND!" It was the only queer youth club on campus and this thing was hard to hold.

"This better be some art student's project," Rayner whispered to himself. He was in the Comp. Sci. department himself and couldn't imagine how a pack could let their pup go to art school. Well, maybe art school but a Bachelor of Art from the University of Riverview was expensive. His degree was as well but his pack was willing to fund him for what his scholarships didn't pay for because it was math and computers. To hear them talk, it was basically magic to most and they needed members who were better at it.

The wind picked up more and Rayner breathed in the cool air heavily. His winter coat was starting to come in and it was cooking him inside his clothes. As a wolf, a northern wolf at that, his hoodie, jeans, and tail wrap were entirely about hiding his appearance. He was boiling and panting like a fool but he needed to know what this group was before he could trust them.

He stared across the courtyard at what students called The Box, formally The Puzzle Box, which housed the Bio, Chem, and Psychology departments. The Box's name came from the fact that the building had been redone a couple of times and each time they had tried to make the inside more efficient. The original open-concept design was now a maze of hallways, incredibly small offices, and storage areas. It looked a little like a fractal if you squinted at it right.

Inside The Box was Meeting Room 5A-3 was the first monthly meeting of RiverBEND. The group itself wasn't all that new but the name was. They themselves had been a unification of the campus residences queer youth group and the more political queer group on campus. The intent was more social now that Gay Marriage had been passed and anti-discrimination laws had been changed. There were still political aspects, make no mistake, but if someone want to make more change they joined the city's Queer Action group.

"They won't notice if there's nothing to notice," Rayner muttered to himself as he got up and walked to the building. Being from the Pinewood Pack came with almost white fur and a light grey undercoat and it made him stick out like a beacon. He loved his family but they were more than weird in the eyes of everyone else.

The Pinewoods, his pack, were a ninth-generation wolf pack living in what is basically an independent hamlet, called Pinewood, and the surrounding farmland. They were present in the media more than two decades ago when the former leadership was being investigated for what the family calls, mishandling finances. Other than the accurate media exposure they were also considered a cult due to the religious overtones of the previous leadership.

Rayner had been fairly young during that time. His experience of the family was after the current leaders had taken over with the intent of rebuilding their name. Most of the authoritarian presence has been replaced with a broader leadership team to weed out the micromanaging aspects of the old guard. Education, diversification, reclamation, and infrastructure have been the primary focus of the pack since Rayner was young. He went to a good school in the closest town to Pinewood and coming to Riverview he wanted to be more.

"Courage is about handling your fears," Rayner almost whimpered as he opened the door to the Box. The saying was from home and his mother said it a lot. She could handle anything. Rayner hoped she wouldn't hate him too much for doing this.

He wasn't out. He wasn't even really confident thinking about it. The pack wanted pups and prosperity. Being gay wasn't the way to do that and with how the history of the family went it wasn't something that Rayner wanted known. He wasn't sure why he was doing this but Bell, a wolf from residence that he had dated, told him that being different wasn't bad but wanting others to lie to the world to make him feel normal was. She knew and for some reason he felt like others did as well. Rayner felt like going to the group was the confirmation he needed. One way or another.

He gave himself fifteen minutes but even with a map the meeting room was a nightmare to find, which made this harder. The instructions were almost a joke until he saw the nearest elevator to the meeting room didn't go to the fifth floor. Trying to climb the stairs with a full outfit and half his winter fur was blisteringly hot. When he finally got there, the double door was open and there were chairs around the centre in sort of a "U" shaped design as well as several small tables with chairs around the edge.

Several beings looked up as he walked in from the head of the U shape and Rayner quickly moved to sit by a table at the edge of the room. Trying his best not to pant, he glanced a couple of times around trying to see who was there. At the front was a tall fit male leopard with multiple piercings and a lithe female coyote with multi-coloured hair. Rayner figured they'd most likely be the organisers. Looking around he saw a couple of canines but no wolves other than himself.

"To those of you who are new," the leopard announced rather suddenly, "we usually start the first meeting about 10 minutes late as members figure out this place."

That was not like home. If beings were late then they got to miss whatever the beginning of the event was. If the organisers were nice they'd start the event with something that wasn't all that bad to miss, like jokes or stories. To just delay was uncomfortable and with how hot Rayner's breath was becoming he wasn't sure how long he'd last.

The delay did seem needed. Beings of all sorts filled in just before and after the official start time. They filled the centre before filling out the chairs around the edge and the groups tended toward the unoccupied tables first. Eventually, about forty beings were crammed in with three others sitting at Rayner's table. He was a little happy to see that there were a few wolves among him. A couple looked as uncomfortable as he felt.

"Hello, and welcome," the leopard started the meeting, "to our fifth year as RiverBEND Youth Group!" The group cheered and clapped. Rayner awkwardly joined in the clapping just as the leopard started talking again. "I am David, your King of the Gays-"

"And I am Mel, Queen of the Lesbos," the coyote continued in a startling firm voice than Rayner expected, "Among us are our executives who will introduce themselves shortly. A few ground rules to go through first! This group is private, while our doors may be open, not all of you are. This group is safe, we aren't about shame or gatekeeping. This group is free, however, we do accept donations and I can be bribed. If you don't want to introduce yourself just say pass."

The group laughed, and to Rayner's surprise he was as well with Mel's intro. Panting still but he relaxed his shoulders when he heard the rather firm and immediate declaration of privacy. The double doors to the meeting room, he noticed at that point, had been closed.

The rest of the executive was fairly soft-spoken baring one very loud, very gay Calico. They began introductions to the group with those sitting in the middle.

"'Ello!" a raccoon sitting next to the head of the group stood up and introduced himself, "I'm Bill, second year into my Master in Anthropology, and something interesting about me is I got married to my wonderful ferret of fifteen years this summer."

There was a round of applause and two cheers from somewhere Rayner missed. The 'coon had placed a hand on a ferret who now looked rather shy but his smile beamed. Rayner wondered if these two were well-known or if this was just the group.

"Welcome back Bill," David said as things quietened down and motioned to the ferret who stood up.

"I'm Lance," the ferret introduced himself, "I'm a sessional with Psychology, and I'm cheating by giving the same answer as Bill."

"That's fair," David laughed along with a couple of other members, "Welcome back Lance."

The routine was picked up quickly after that. Interesting facts ranged from hobbies to weird quirks but a lot of them used it to say they were dating. Rayner tried to pre-think what he was going to say but made sure to listen to any of the wolves that spoke. Only one was ahead of him and she was very intimidating. Regardless, it seemed most of the internal section was returning members or very loud newcomers. Even though everyone in the center had spoken, some around the edge before Rayner passed.

"Hi," Rayner said shakily as he stood in front of about forty other beings and gave a slight wave, "I'm, umm, Ray." Between panting and his answer, he froze up a bit. It wasn't really a lie but he had never shortened his name like that. "I'm, umm, a second-year Comp. Sci. major. Interesting about me... I'm able to see green?"

"Hello Ray," David said, looking Rayner over, "Welcome to RiverBEND. Just a side note, because this room can get rather stuffy, there is a fountain and a vending machine with ice-cold water just outside."

"Thank you," Rayner muttered and got up quicker than he expected.

He honestly didn't even remember getting out the door, purchasing the bottles of water, or sitting on the floor. David was right though, that water was absolutely chilling. It was to the point where Rayner could feel it in his throat and stomach as he downed the first bottle in one desperate attempt to get his temp down.

"You okay?" a thin wolf, one of the awkward-looking ones that Rayner noticed at the start of the meeting, whispered as he walked out of the room and stood beside Rayner. Rayner wasn't sure what to say, he was boiling and uncomfortable and the wolf beside him looked about the same. At least he was like Rayner though.

"I'm," Rayner started but froze. He realized being this close to another wolf could give away his fur colour. Something else also tugged at him though. This wasn't what he expected. Not that Rayner had any expectations. He felt something between shy and pure panic at the realization he just thought, 'he's like me.'

"You look like you're overheating," the wolf muttered.

He stopped before he got to Rayner and scratched the back of his neck before taking the empty bottle that Rayner had put on the floor and started to fill it at the fountain. Rayner sipped at the second bottle of water as he watched. He wasn't sure what to do.

"Thank you," Rayner whispered as he reached for the now-filled bottle from the other wolf. It felt just as cold as the ones from the machine.

"Your arctic?" the wolf said quietly, tilting his head at Rayner's paw as he said it before asking, "You okay to be wearing all of that?"

"Yeah, yes." Rayner panted and nodded but the wolf looked a bit worried.

"That's cool, my mom's side was sort of arctic," the wolf explained, nodding his head a bit, "There's this dog in one of my classes with this like this brilliant white fur. I'm always sort of jealous. I can't imagine covering it."

"It makes me easy to pick out," Rayner chuckled at the rambling little wolf, "I'm just not really sure about that right now."

"Yeah, no, I, I'd get that," the wolf muttered and looked around the empty hallway.

The wolf was thinner and smaller than Rayner with definitely a darker fur pattern. He was almost colourful in a way and while a lot of him was a light grey, the top of his head and one of his ears was a rich brown. Rayner could see a lot of the patterns in his fur as the wolf was only wearing shorts and a t-shirt even in the cooler weather.

"I'm sorry," the wolf muttered as he glanced at Rayner and then looked away again. Scratching his neck again, he moved back to the door. Giving a small shake of his head he added, "are you coming back in?"

"I am," Rayner muttered, straightened up a bit, and then hurried back inside the meeting muttering apologies as he sat down.

It took a while but Rayner waited anxiously for the wolf at the door to introduce himself to the group. He ended up passing. Even worse, he disappeared quickly after the introductions were done. Rayner couldn't blame him. He felt the same and slouched further into his seat. After the intros came a bit about what the group was and what they did. Then after the meeting, there was a formal group that went and got food at the cafeteria and a party group that went to the bar. Technically, because some members may be underage, the bar group wasn't official.

Rayner disappeared immediately upon leaving the building. He grabbed a very large, incredibly full donair with extra everything from the cafeteria on the other end of campus. He then walked the ten minutes back to his apartment. Two of his roommates were home but there wasn't a booking for the living room tonight. He figured the third was at the cafe down the street like she usually was. Rayner didn't say anything and neither did his roommates as he passed their doors and made sure it was closed just after entering.

Inside, he dropped his pack, put his donair on his end table, tore off his hoodie and tail wrap, grabbed a pillow, and yelled into it as quietly as he could. He felt pathetic and weak. Worse than the pup that he had been, he felt like he wasn't a wolf his parents would want. This was another notch on his rather odd and stained record and beyond anything that was said that could make this situation worse, something he feared clicked into place.

It felt right to think, "like me," but the turmoil that caused him made trying to fill the hole that his mind was creating with food was even more important. It wasn't until Melissa, one of his roommates, came back that he realised he'd be dwelling and switched to watching something mindlessly. His original plan was to read but not in this state. Even the world ending didn't seem appealing and as sleep eventually took him, Rayner worried more about what tomorrow would bring.

He was incredibly happy the first meeting had been on a Thursday. Friday's classes were easy to be numb to and after the emotional turmoil of that night Rayner was numb sitting through his stats course. The group, that wolf, and dealing with himself was a lot to think about in a short period of time and isolation.

Rayner was worried about next week too. End of week assignments were starting up and he would need to get them done ahead of time if he was going to go back to RiverBEND. He was going back. He wanted to know more and if they were private then he was a little less worried about being discovered. A quiet part of him whispered that he wanted to see that wolf again as well.

That weekend though he'd been invited out to an adventure. Josh, Olive, and Kacy were the only beings that seemed to be okay with hanging out with him. The three had been friends in high school and had all gotten accepted into U of R. After needing a fourth for a dodgeball tournament during residence and realising Rayner was pretty good, they started inviting him to their adventures.

While strong and fast, the group lost pretty early in the tournament due to their size. While not wolves, they were all larger breeds of canine. Josh was a full Samoyed and was just a bit smaller than Rayner. Kacy was a half and half-Malamute, German Shepherd, and was a bit smaller than Josh. Olive, the smallest, was a Husky. Next to Josh, Rayner sort of hoped he passed for another Malamute as they always seemed happy to be and to be around. He felt okay just wearing shorts when he was with them

Technically the adventure was helping Olive with her homework but it involved wandering and digging so it sort of counted. Plus it was free and Rayner didn't want to be alone. They exchanged how the week went at the coffee shop they agreed to meet. Mostly good from everyone, assignments had started in some of the classes, which was always nerve-racking but it's what they paid for. Rayner left out Thursday afternoon entirely.

"You look down," Josh said quietly as they were walking to the river. His fluffy white fur bounced with him as he walked and even though he was concerned his typical smile never left his muzzle. Rayner shook his head slightly to get out of his mind but Josh asked, "Family drama or something else?"

"Both?" Rayner muttered, Josh slowed down a bit to give them space and Rayner matched his speed without thinking, "or neither?"

"Oh, someone bring up your family?" Josh asked. He had looked up a lot about the Pinewood Pack after they first met. Unlike most though, Josh seemed fascinated by it and actively listened when Rayner talked about being a pup.

"Actually," Rayner whispered, worried about saying too much but figured this was the best way of creeping around the subject, "I tried really hard to hide them and my fur at a thing this week. Wore a hoodie and tail wrap and everything. It all just feels wrong."

"It should be," Josh muttered, his happy face becoming focused for a moment, "the world's kind of shitty though."

"Yeah," Rayner sighed.

"Is it something you have to go to?" Josh asked.

"Technically no," Rayner admitted but quickly lied, "math help group."

"If it's a study group," Josh perked up, "they should be there to study."

"I just don't want to make it complicated," Rayner muttered.

"Why, any wolves?" Josh asked.

"A few," Rayner said absently.

"Anyone cute?" Josh whispered and nudged Rayner. Rayner felt his insides tighten and looked up at Josh without intending to. Josh smiled and said, "look at you, pining. After Bell, I was worried you'd never try again."

"No, shh," Rayner whispered loudly, "I didn't say anything."

"What didn't you say?" Kacy asked and with a bit of a twist, he started walking backwards. Olive glanced back but it was clear she was listening.

"Pinewood's pining," Josh teased and pulled Rayner into a side hug, who tried to push him off.

"I am not," Rayner complained.

"What's her name?" Kacy asked.

"I don't even know," Rayner said forlornly without thinking. He grabbed his muzzle suddenly, squeezed it tightly before releasing it and quickly said, "I'm not pining."

"Okay, so fantasising," Olive suggested.

"No!" Rayner almost yelled, his ears and his nose felt hotter than he'd ever been. Kacy laughed hard enough that he almost tripped. Olive forced him to turn around after that.

"It's okay," Josh chuckled, putting a paw on Rayner's shoulder, "It's good, we're just teasing. Glad you're looking is all."

"Off to a good start though," Kacy chimed in, "You weren't ever like this with Bell."

"No?" Rayner muttered as he looked down at the ground, ears and nostrils just burning in embarrassment. This was nothing like Bell.

"Next up's Olive," Kacy announced but then Rayner heard a thump and Kacy started gasping for breath. Looking up, Rayner saw Kacy holding his stomach.

"You aren't giving me dating advice," Olive retorted, "not after that nonsense with how you broke up with Tameria."

Rayner listened as the three of them reminisced about old flames and crushes going back to junior high. He'd heard it before but it was always entertaining. Kacy seemed to have a new date every year but nothing ever serious. Olive had been with three dogs but they had all broken up because, as Olive put it, she wanted a degree more than a husband. Josh had a serious relationship in high school but they broke up when she cheated on him at Graduation, got pregnant with the guy, and tried to make Josh believe it was his pup. He hadn't been with anyone since and no one teased him about it.

He talked about Bell but the three had known her and eventually started talking sparsely of the two girls he dated in high school. The first date Rayner had ever gotten went incredibly well in Rayner's mind but the wolf he had invited thought it was more a pity date. He heard her talking about how he was a discount version of Carl, his brother, and that put a stop to dating for a bit. He eventually went on a couple of dates with a girl from his younger sister's grade but even though they were a year apart in age the two year gap in education made it a bit awkward. Finally, in his last year, he had a four-month relationship that ended because he didn't want to be physical with someone who he wasn't going to have a future with.

Looking back, and quietly thinking to himself, Rayner wondered if there were more than a couple of flags that should have given him a bit of a hint. He knew he wasn't supposed to date guys. The girls that he dated never felt like what anyone else seemed to talk about. There was never a spark or even a longing to be with anyone. Being from such a small town meant he mostly hung out with family so it wasn't like he had a close friend he felt anything for. His cousin, Samson, was in his grade and the two hung out but Samson wanted to be on the farm.

Rayner had pushed to get out of Pinewood. For better or worse, life there was more about being physical than anything mental and Rayner was not considered physical. Just over six feet tall and weighing about one seventy if he had a large meal, Rayner looked like a fairly fit but average-sized wolf for the city. Carl and his father had twenty pounds of muscle on him. Tess, his younger sister, was even bigger than he was. Granted his mother was bigger than all of them but she came from a line that had some beasts in it.

Next to the dogs on an adventure by the river made him feel better about his size though. Olive needed soil samples for an Earth and Atmo lab. She explained what she needed and where she needed to get it from and then gave them all jobs. Josh and Rayner dug way too far into the bank but Olive thanked them regardless. Both came out smiling with dirt up to their ears and shoulders. Kacy, actually listening, dug a vertical patch to collect a proper section. Olive went from the river to the bank with her plastic tubes and dug out different locations based on the exemplar.

All in all, it took them about till lunch to finish up. It was a bright, fall day out, and the leaves were falling fast. They walked to a bar just on the top of the hill and shared nachos. Not a great lunch but it made for a good time in Rayner's mind. Josh and he were ordered to wash the dirt off their paws before they could have any.

The rest of the weekend, and even most of the next week went by quickly. Comp. Sci. and Math assignments were okay so long as you did them in chunks and his intro Chemistry course was interesting enough to study. The Chem lab was smelly though.

It wasn't until Thursday that he started feeling like time was dragging. He finished his homework in the morning and attended the two eighty-minute lectures that day without much problem. The issue was, that he finished everything early and now needed to kill three hours.

Going back to his apartment, he found no one around. Dropping his bag by his door, Rayner pulled out his phone and started trying to stream an episode he'd missed of a space cartoon he liked. That took up about twenty minutes but felt like it should have been closer to an hour in Rayner's mind.

He was getting anxious. Josh's words from the weekend came back to him and Rayner wondered if he should just trust the group. A loud, "no," slammed into Rayner's mind that he then tried to shake off. It wasn't happening. "At least," Rayner thought, "not this time."

Absently, Rayner pulled out the fabric for his tail wrap and started to smooth out his fur.

Dressed up in his hoodie and wrap, Rayner walked across campus to the Box with a bit of a spring. He arrived even earlier than he wanted but lost some time trying to figure out if any of the elevators in this stupid building were useful. One was. It was down for repairs though. There were very large occupancy restriction signs around the doors and another one in the hallway. Rayner wasn't all that impressed.

When he finally got to the fifth floor and RiverBEND, he was still early. His seat from last time wasn't taken so he ambled over as a couple of beings in the room looked up at him. They waved and Rayner waved back but neither said anything. None of the execs was there yet.

Rayner popped his head up every time someone entered but tried to hide it immediately afterwards when he didn't see the wolf from last time. The large wolf, Rayner couldn't remember her name, walked in with her headphones at max and sat in the corner. The music was angry, loud, and had a lot of base. Her pants and half shirt were black, her side bag had more patches than Rayner thought was necessary, and she had a braid that started at the top of her forehead and went down her back,

"Hello everyone," Mel greeted everyone as she walked in a couple of minutes after the wolf but stopped mid-room to yell, "Lilith!"

"What?" Lilith asked after taking off one of her headphones.

"Turn it down," Mel stated, shaking her head, "I could hear it in the hall."

Lilith turned them off and set her headphones down on the table. If it was like the last meeting, no one would sit with her. She scared more than just Rayner but she seemed to enjoy it. Rayner could see her looking at him but never met her gaze.

The loud Calico from last time walked in with a flourish. His name was Ashley but he went by Ash and a lot of new beings had to make sure that's what he said. He seemed to greatly enjoy it.

David and a couple of others came in quietly and took their seats. The room seemed to be less full than last week and it was getting closer to the start time. A small knot was forming in Rayner's stomach when he thought about the time but tried to stay hopeful. The middle was almost full and maybe they'd wait again.

"Hello and welcome everyone," Mel announced cheerfully, "thank you for coming back for our second meeting of RiverBEND. Our first meeting is always very large and can be intimidating to some."

Rayner's ears swivelled down as he listened to Mel talk about the history of the group and the history of Queer groups on campus. It was interesting enough. Some of the stories about thirty years ago were terrifying to think about. Rayner's mood didn't help. The wolf hadn't appeared as he had hoped.

He skipped out of the meal again afterwards and locked himself in his room to read that night. Part of him was shocked at how disappointed he was. There were other wolves there but Rayner hadn't bothered to try and talk to either of them. Lilith scared him, there was a wolf with coloured head fur that seemed to have his own group, and the last looked like a wolf in his mid-forties but he was there as part of the presentation. A lot of what he talked about though sounded like home to Rayner.

During the break between his Math and Chemistry class, Rayner looked up the old wolf and tried to research all the protests that he had talked about. Some articles about a bomb threat that the University had and another talking about a rather graphic suicide later, Rayner sat stunned with a frown on his face while he ate lunch.

Saturday morning, Rayner woke up slower than he had ever remembered. It was weird to think that he was going down this path but for some reason he had just accepted that he was gay. Not that that brought comfort. Part of him figured if dating turned out as bad then he could just be alone for the rest of his life. That brought less comfort. Even Kacy and Josh yelling at each other didn't seem to brighten his mood.

"NO!" Kacy yelled, "No, the most important thing about September is to make sure you have an updated path to the good bars downtown. How this place shuts down anything good is beyond me."

"Too many suburbs," Josh explained, gesturing around him, "everyone around here, doesn't actually stay here."

"I guess," Kacy said after thinking for a bit.

Their adventure this weekend was a basic exploration of the river valley. The Oldenburg River was mostly on the east end of the city with a wide arch. It was a fairly deep and wide river, not like anything on the coast mind you but it was one of the largest inland rivers coming off the mountains to the east and ran northwards to the arctic.

"Most important question this year though," Olive piped up, "Is whether or not Rayner got a name for this mystery wolf."

"Oh!" Kacy beamed, "Yeah, did you talk to her this time?"

"Wasn't there this week," Rayner admitted solemnly. Olive and Kacy muttered an apology but Josh put his paw on his shoulder.

"Math tutoring club right," Josh asked rhetorically, "probably just doesn't need help at the beginning of the year."

"Yeah," Kacy chimed in, "I didn't need help until-"

"Grade 10," Olive cut him off and Kacy shot her a dark glance as the group followed the bend leading to a more sheltered part of the path. They could still hear the river but the rustling of the leaves on the trees was more present.

"No," Kacy retorted, "well yes but, I mean, usually the first month is like review."

"Month?" the other three asked together.

"I don't know," Kacy said with an edge, "I don't take math."

"Thank you," Rayner said, "You're right-ish, the group will probably pick up around midterms in a couple weeks."

"Don't say that," Kacy moaned, "the year just started. It can't be a 'couple of weeks' until midterms. I have to start studying."

"Kacy," Josh groaned and rubbed his temples, "Every year we tell you there isn't a start to studying."

"And every year," Kacy mimicked Josh's tone, "I do okay enough despite not listening to you."

"We could make our own study group," Rayner put in, he sort of liked the idea ever since lying about being in one, "It doesn't have to be long or anything."

"That's actually a good idea," Josh admitted, pulled over to the side of the path and took out his phone. The other three watched but only Olive took out her phone until Josh asked, "What does everyone's schedules look like?"

"Okay, how's Monday, Wednesday, Friday at three?" Olive asked as they compared schedules. The other three gawked a bit at how many labs she had to do this semester.

"I'm not working Friday afternoon," Kacy stated, bluntly.

"Okay, how about eleven to twelve-thirty?" Olive suggested, "We can meet up for lunch regularly then rather than the haphazard way we do it now."

"That sounds good to me," Rayner said, trying to hide his excitement. He didn't know they had a break like that or that the others sometimes met up for lunch. It'd make his week less lonely.

"Cool," Josh stated, "does the cafeteria by the hospital work? I have problems eating in the one in the mall."

"I'm good with that," Rayner hastily agreed. That mall, like every mall, was incredibly loud and smelly.

"Wait, don't I get a say on the time?" Kacy asked.

"Yes," Josh said.

"Does it have to include Friday?" Kacy groaned.

"Yes," Olive said with an edge. Kacy groaned loudly at the prospect of losing some of his free time on Fridays but didn't comment further.

"Good," Josh said happily, pushing Kacy's shoulder a bit, "this will be good."

The walk continued after they put their phones away. Olive had snatched Kacy's phone to make sure it was scheduled and then did it for him. Kacy had grumbled a bit but accepted what had happened. Josh and Rayner smirked a bit watching the spectacle but turned before Kacy could do anything.

Josh's light step was matched by Rayner's, who was now feeling good about the upcoming weeks. The trees were bright yellows and oranges with autumn being in full swing. There was a bit of a nip to the air, which all four of them appreciated. Olive was the only one wearing a shirt but that was more for the law than for comfort.

The arc from the U of R campus along the river ended just over five kilometres from their starting point. Beings of all types were trying to walk, take pictures, have picnics, or just hang out along the path this time of year. Some of them looked cold and gawked at the four wearing a minimal amount of clothing. A small, lithe, short-haired cat in some fashionable clothing looked like he was going to collapse, he was shaking so hard. Kacy said something about cats purring to weird things when they were out of earshot and they all chuckled.

"Hang on a moment," Kacy said as they were nearing the end of the path. He looked around quickly to see if there was anyone within sight and when he saw no one he darted over the edge of the path.

"Kacy," Olive groaned as Kacy unlatched his belt and started marking the trees in front of him. "You're so feral."

"Dog's got to mark," Kacy retorted after he finished and was decent again, "this is the furthest we have gone down the path."

"You got to, you mean," Olive said flatly.

"If the wolf would," Kacy said and gestured to Rayner, "I wouldn't need to."

"Not in the city," Rayner said quickly, "I'm weird enough."

"So in the country then?" Josh asked.

"Kacy would actually get along with my pack," Rayner admitted. The group knew the Pinewood Pack was different and Rayner told them more than a couple of stories.

"A whole pack of Kacy's," Olive shuddered, "that sounds loud, smelly, and crude."

"Sounds fantastic," Kacy put on a bigger smile than Josh usually had, "Road trip?"

"You want to be in a group of wolves all the same size as Rayner?" Josh asked.

"Actually," Rayner admitted, "I'm smaller than most of my pack and thinner than I should be."

"Well then the ladies would be about my size," Kacy said, determined to stay in whatever fantasy he had been dreaming of.

"Mom's bigger than Dad is," Rayner said flatly. They turned and stared at him wide-eyed. Rayner was small but compared to the three dogs he was built and tall. The idea of a larger, stronger wolf being his mother was intimidating.

"So," Olive said eventually, "You're Dad's terrifying and Kacy would most likely die?"

"Crushed pelvis," Kacy suggested, the three others scoffed but Rayner was also slightly amused, "What a way to go."

They turned back around with Kacy's comment and started walking back to campus. The sun came out and the wind died down a bit as they got into the middle of the day. By Rayner's reckoning, they get back to campus around one or two and have to get a late lunch. Probably a big lunch considering how far they had gone.

The questions about home stirred a bit of nostalgia for Rayner. He knew his place, expectations, and duties were there. He also knew he could get help. On the walk back he felt a little different though. He felt a bit more secure with these three. They were his friends of course but now he felt like part of the circle.

"How does your pack take to outsiders?" Kacy asked suddenly as they walked, "I mean, like, actual road trip?"

"Umm," Rayner groaned a bit and tilted his head, "You have to have utility. Outside wolves are treated well enough but it's not like it's ever a holiday even on the holidays. Not like here. I have seen the occasional dog but they are usually roped into the pup's activities."

"What are the pup's activities?" Josh asked.

"Usually, butchering mostly for the girls," Rayner explained, "and barn and forest work for the others."

"I'd have to butcher something?" Olive grimaced, "Why the girls?"

"Umm... more mature?" Rayner sort of hedged.

"And the real reason?" Josh asked and gave Rayner a small punch.

"That's the real reason," Rayner groaned, "It's just the way they say it is crude."

"Now I want to hear the reason," Kacy said excitedly, which made Rayner more uncomfortable.

"Boys only bleed if they're stupid," Rayner quickly mimicked his mother's speech, "and you only get to butcher if you aren't stupid."

"Wow, okay," Olive said from the back as the other two were trying to figure out what Rayner meant. Josh only gave a slight nod when he realized it.

"Ew," Kacy finally grimaced, "What? Why? Why is that the determining factor?"

"Statistically," Rayner said with a shrug, "women mature faster."

"Did you get to butcher?" Olive asked as Kacy tried to process.

"I did," Rayner said and turned to smile at Olive, "No broken bones or stitches until I was fourteen."

"What happened when you were fourteen?" Josh asked.

"I sliced my paw open while cutting up pieces for stew," Rayner said and looked absently at where the scar was on his left paw, "in my defence it was super boring."

"Oh," the other three said in unison.

"Five stitches and a bald paw later, I was out in the forest," Rayner almost chuckled at the memory.

"Did they let you back in?" Olive asked as they turned the sharp bend.

"Yup," Rayner said with a nod, "not till next holiday but if you make it till puberty, you get to butcher."

"Oh," Kacy said thoughtfully, "You at least you made it a year."

"Three," Rayner corrected, "I matured early."

"How the hell did they know?" Kacy asked loudly.

"I told mom, I am going through puberty," Rayner said simply.

"And she believed you?" Kacy scoffed.

"Wolves trust their pack," Rayner stated and Kacy dropped the subject. There were, of course, other reasons and ways that Rayner's mom knew he was going through puberty. Scent being the big one if you live in a small house.

The week seemed to fly by for Rayner after that. Every day there was either something to look forward to or something difficult to get done. His Statistics and Comp. Sci. courses had two midterms so he had to finish up the last of the assignments so that he could review them. Math had one and it was still a month away so it was a nice breather. Chem only had a final.

The study session Monday morning was fantastic. They didn't say much to each other but Rayner loved that they were all next to him. They were all huddled around two of the larger tables working on their own thing at their own time. Kacy asked a couple of questions to the group but mostly it was just to support each other.

Having lunch together was even better. They talked about their classes, well Kacy mostly complained, but it was nice to hear how everyone else was going. Being in Comp. Sci. is a bit isolating and it was hard to make friends even within the department as a second year.

Josh was originally taking Computing Science as well but had switched to Engineering this year. Rayner couldn't remember if that was planned or not. He seemed to like it but his schedule was quite different than the others due to these tiny courses he had to take.

Olive was in chemistry with an Earth and Atmo minor. She had organic chemistry, EAS labs, and the regular chem labs all to do so her schedule was absolutely packed.

Kacy was a business major. It was shocking some of the things he said he was doing in class and still passing. Rayner couldn't believe he went to, or was at least invited to, the number of parties he claimed. He sounded like he had contacts in a dozen frats and was active in networking with them. He never joined them for some reason but he was active.

They decided at the end of lunch to meet in different places on different days. Monday they'd keep it to the cafeteria by the hospital because it was a good neutral place to start the week. They decided on a cafe east of campus for Wednesday for access to better food and coffee to bribe themselves. Then on Friday Josh offered to host them at his place. His parents bought a one-bedroom condo close to campus after his first year in residence. Rayner was envious of not having roommates.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went about as pleasant as Monday. The Wednesday get together was a bit more social than Monday but Rayner enjoyed it more and got more done than he would of if he was just on his own. For lunch, they all had these pork buns that Josh talked up a lot. Rayner was very surprised when it wasn't like a standard sandwich but an eastern steamed bun. Even more confusing, it came with chopsticks. Rayner tried to mimic the group, who looked proficient, but he felt hopeless.

"May we also get a set of forks," Olive asked the waiter as he walked by.

"Thank you," Rayner mouthed the best he could and waited for the fork. Olive gave him a little smile. With a fork in hand, the pork bun turned out to be quite good in Rayner's opinion.

Thursday came with the internal turmoil that Rayner felt last week. His last class finished at two in the afternoon and the meeting wasn't until five. He tried studying but got nowhere fast with his nerves acting up. Eventually, he went back to his apartment and like last week found it empty. Being by himself he mostly took the time he had to take care of his own needs.

After cleaning up, getting wrapped up, and getting all his clothes on Rayner panicked a little looking at the time. He still had half an hour to get there and it was only a twenty-ish minute walk but he wanted his seat. With all that he was feeling it seemed important to have that little bit of stability.

He powerwalked his way to the Box, which came with a burning amount of regrets when he got there. He had made up time, maybe three minutes, but it wasn't worth it. Panting hard, he stopped at the bottom of the steps to try and catch some semblance of composure before ascending.

"Man," a stern voice from behind him made him yip and jump a little, "you're going to give yourself heatstroke and I'm not carrying you down."

Looking back, Rayner saw Lilith, the goth wolf from the group, staring at him with her eyes narrowed and her arms across her chest. Rayner tried harder to pantless. Thinking about it, if Rayner passed out she'd be the only one in the group that could help him unless one of the other wolves showed up.

"I'm just, umm-" Rayner started but Lilith cut him off quickly.

"Worried," she said sternly, "no shit, that's obvious."

"It's different for me," Rayner whispered as he broke eye contact with her.

"Have you actually confirmed that?" Lilith argued, "have you actually talked to any of the other members or have you just stayed for the meeting?"

"Just the meeting," Rayner said quietly.

"You'd be shocked at how many actually aren't out to their family or friends in there," Lilith explained.

"My pack is recognizable," Rayner argued, "and I can't lose them."

"Fine," Lilith groaned and dug into her bag, "you know what, I'll show you mine if you show me yours? Can't be fucking worse than me."

"Your what?" Rayner asked before Lilith shoved something at him. It was the back of an ID card. Turning it around he read Angelle Theston on the front but it was Lilith's picture in the top left. Theston Industries was one of the more well known local manufacturing facilities in the area and had built Theston's Stadium a couple of years back. "So your family is rich. Mine's weird."

"No my dad is Peter Theston," Lilith/Angelle explained, "Owner of... the group knows, my dad doesn't, and I have been here for two years."

Lilith went quiet as a couple of other members walked past them to the stairs. She gestured for Rayner to follow her to another hallway and for some reason he did. Inside she looked around for open doors and then looked up for some reason.

"You can trust them," Lilith whispered, "or at least trust me to see why you don't."

Rayner looked at the floor intently and started to shake a bit. Every muscle he had was tense. She just handed him potential blackmail and he knew it. He slowly removed his hood and pulled up his sleeves revealing the white and tan of his fur. Lilith sighed.

"You're the Pinewood pup," Lilith nodded, "got me beat on weird but you'll get more empathy than most coming from that family."

"They can't know or they'll abandon me," Rayner whispered.

"Sit with me," Lilith said simply, "No one will notice you beside me."

"Thank you," Rayner whispered and shook violently as the tension left him with only the fear he was feeling. Leaning against the wall he felt both hot and confused. Lilith said something loud but he didn't hear it. He felt lightheaded for some reason.

A loud tearing noise was heard next by Rayner and he felt his hoodie removed somehow. He couldn't remember if the thing had a zipper or not but it must have if it slipped off so easily. It felt good not having it on. Lilith handed him a water bottle, which he gladly accepted. Cool as a mountain spring, the bottle said on the front and it was so.

Feeling a bit better, Rayner looked around. He was sitting on the floor. The cement was cold on his paws, which was nice. Looking down he saw his hoodie though. It was in two pieces on the floor and did not have a zipper.

"Told you you'd get heatstroke," Lilith grumbled, making an impatient gesture with a rather long knife that Rayner hadn't seen before, "You okay?"

"I think I should go-"

"Upstairs," Lilith demanded, shaking her head, "I want to keep an eye on you until I know you are okay."

Rayner didn't answer, didn't question it, and didn't hesitate to get up and move. Lilith grabbed his torn hoodie and followed.

Inside RiverBEND, almost everyone from the last meeting was there. David and Mel were at the front as the two wolves walked in. Very few looked at him, which surprised Rayner. On instinct, on seeing it still open, went to where he sat last time and almost got to touch his seat.

"Nope," Lilith commanded quietly and Rayner changed course to her table.

"Everything okay?" David asked quietly when they got close enough.

"Should be," Lilith explained simply and introduced them, "Alistor's are tough but he got heatstroke this time."

Rayner's eyes went wide when she lied about his name but didn't speak.

"Another cousin of yours?" David asked quietly.

"Course," Lilith stated and David nodded. David then turned around and started the meeting as the two wolves sat at the table at the farthest corner of the room. Rayner didn't listen to the opening speech this time and was mostly trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Was this real?

"Cousin?" Rayner whispered as quietly as he could.

"Hi," Lilith whispered to him and held out a paw to shake, "I'm Lilith Alistor."

"Oh," Rayner whispered.

"Well, I'm not daddy's little fucking angel," Lilith whispered with an edge, "am I?"

"No?" Rayner whispered. He smiled though. She was helping, it was extremely weird for Rayner how she was helping but it was helping. For the first time since entering the room, he had enough confidence to look out and around. The group was even smaller this time, or at least he thought so with this angle.

He quickly looked around after he got his head sorted to what he wanted to see. He looked again more carefully a second time but his worries were true. Lilith and himself were the only wolves there.