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"Rayner, you're dad is still terrifying," Kacy said quietly as Victor got out of his truck and walked around to the front of the apartment complex. Kacy had had his eyes glued to the entrance drop-off for about half an hour looking for the old diesel 4x4 that they had seen picked up Rayner in the past. All three of them had come to see him off. More accurately, they had come to see the older Pinewood. They were all fascinated to see a little further into the Pinewood Pack. Kacy was almost obsessed.

"He really isn't," Rayner argued, rolling his eyes.

"His arms are bigger than my legs," Kacy commented and pointed out the window.

"Most of the family is like that," Rayner pointed out and picked up his bags, "Mom's side's bigger. My cousin is the same way but with me."

"But your legs are massive," Kacy said quietly.

"My grandfather on my mom's side was jokingly called a direwolf for most of his life," Rayner explained, "seven foot two and about three hundred pounds of muscle. I still remember his paw."

"My god," Kacy muttered as he saw Rayner trying to show them that his grandfather's paw could fit over his chest, "was?"

"Yeah, he passed eight years ago now?" Rayner said solemnly, "heart attack."

"I'm sorry," Kacy said quietly.

"No, I like telling his story. I'll find you a picture before I get back," Rayner explained as he zipped up his bag, "Anyway, I'll see you all when I get back. I hope your trip goes well and I hope campus during break isn't too bad."

"Text us when you have time," Olive said waving with the others, "Work hard."

"Always," Rayner chuckled as he walked out, gave his dad a submissive lick to acknowledge him, and then a hug. The older wolf simply opened his muzzle slightly to accept and hugged his son hard before going back to the driver's seat. Rayner saw some questioning stares but tried his best to ignore them. Family traditions were more important than whatever the city beings thought.

The truck roaring to life drew more eyes. It sounded like the muffler had been knocked out of place again and should have probably been to see Melvin, the Pack mechanic that Rayner's branch liked, before the trip. Victor wouldn't have though. To Victor, mufflers were more decorative than functional.

They rode off to get the list of supplies that Rayner had been texted. His sister's package had already been picked up a couple of days ago but, as predicted, he had been sent a list of feminine products to pick up for family members. The Pack really needs to get a better relationship with one of the delivery services. Online shopping could help them.

"Those you're friends?" Victor asked as they left campus.

"Yes," Rayner responded politely. He was trying to look up the best way to get from the drug store they always stop at to a speciality one that his Aunt had texted him that morning. He sort of wanted to make a cutoff date for this stuff so that he didn't have to promptly change the driving plan.

"Still only have those three from last year?" Victor asked as he drove.

"No," Rayner said and shook his head, "Gab caught an early bus this morning."

"And Gab is a?" Victor asked.

"You and mom will be happy," Rayner looked over with a smile and said, "He's a wolf."

"I'm fine with you having dog friends," Victor turned and said with a frown, "They're just... small."

"Yeah well," Rayner muttered, "They are fine with me."

"Good," Victor said simply.

To anyone else, Victor was blunt and hard to talk to. Living his life in Pinewood had taught the older wolf a lot of what the city didn't. Space, time, effort, and energy were important and the Pinewoods valued all of them. It was different when Victor grew up though. If he didn't earn them, they weren't given and Victor not wanting to talk was never seen as worth the effort to change. Rayner knew his dad wasn't harsh. Victor was just quiet.

Rayner learned from his mother how to talk. It wasn't to the extent of how his older brother, Carl, could get a group together in an instant or how his younger sister, Tess, could know everyone upon meeting them but Rayner always tried. Rayner knew the gift of gab, as they called it, had probably skipped him. That was fine in his mind. He'd rather spend his time with his dad.

The big-box drug store parking lot was always almost full and it was more than teaming with life when they arrived. Victor parked close to the back like always. The two wolves, even though it was mid-winter, had only shorts on for modesty reasons rather than actual protection. Victor ran his paw his back fur lightly as he got out of the truck. He furrowed his brow when he saw Rayner brushing his.

"Looking nice for someone?" Victor asked.

"Just trying to keep the knots out," Rayner explained, holding up the brush, "Josh got me this and said it was best he had used."

"That the fluffy one?" Victor asked, tilted his head, and put his paw out for the brush.

"Samoyed, dad," Rayner corrected and handed it to him, "but yes."

Victor ran the brush down his arm and ran into more than a few knots on the way. Rayner suddenly realized that he didn't know how clean his dad's fur was and hoped the older wolf hadn't been working on anything before coming to the city this morning. He probably hadn't but the scratching noise the brush made was unsettling.

"We should get one for mom," Victor said as he handed the brush back to Rayner, who then tucked it into his bag in the truck.

They walked into the drug store, Rayner with his list in paw, and started to shop after getting used to the smell. Neither of them liked the synthetic sprays that came about on the holidays. It was like someone had bottled up home, mixed it with disinfectants, and then sold it for top dollar. Victor commented once or twice that the city was getting worse when he saw something distressed or rustic. He only checked the price once though.

For the first batch, they bought pads, supplements, heaters, and a couple of personal fans on top of what was texted to him by his sister. Rayner thought she should just buy the cups wholesale at this point. She was into double digits this year and Rayner had to ask one of the attendants if they had any more in the back. When he told her how many he wanted she brought out a box. This was all for the weeks after heat had ended and needed to be guaranteed and double-checked.

The second batch was oils, lubricants, and four wholesale boxes of wolf condoms. They weren't the only ones in the pack purchasing these and by the end, they usually had up to twenty. Having unwanted pups was something the pack was taking great strides to prevent and as such, they were well supplied with both education and resources.

"This work?" Victor asked, holding a box of Rayner's condoms that had multiple taglines about how women liked them.

"Better for that price," Rayner pointed out, Victor grimaced at it and put them back, "If you want something special, just buy the same thing that Aunt Tilly is at the next place."

"Why?" Victor asked, trying to take a look at Rayner's list.

"Organic, sensitizing jelly," Rayner readout, "sounds expensive but it probably works better."

"How much?" Victor asked frowning, "I want to find something for this year. Mom's been under a lot of stress and heat never makes it better."

"No idea," Rayner explained and shrugged, "not really an expert."

"No one interested this year?" Victor asked quietly. Rayner shook his head and then sort of shrugged. Talking to his Dad about dating was easy but this year made it difficult to know what to say. "Maybe once you're done with school, you can meet someone local. "

"Yeah," Rayner muttered, "I'm trying to find someone serious. It's just hard to find someone like me."

"Hard being different," Victor agreed, "You're smart like Sig but the Pack will support your choice of mate."

"You think the pack would actually like having another me around?" Rayner asked quietly, this was a lot closer to open than he wanted it to be.

"Pack's not good at figuring out what it likes," Victor said with a shake of his head, "It likes that calendar thing you created. It likes Sig's knowledge. May not show it. Most of them are trying to be an alpha. It's weird to them that you two aren't."

"Who could I lead?" Rayner muttered to himself before saying, "what if I go way off left field with a mate? Would they accept someone thinner and smarter than me?"

"Course," Victor argued and turned to face Rayner with a frown, "may take convincing. It that little husky?"

"Olive?" Rayner asked, shocked, "No dad, I'm... I'm not interested in Olive."

"Oh," Victor muttered and went back to shopping.

"Wait, would the pack accept it if I brought Olive home?" Rayner asked in surprise.

"When I was your age," Victor said as he shook his head, "no. Now? Now we are buying supplies for everyone to get through the cycle. Why is this fifty dollars?"

"Maybe," Rayner muttered before looking at what his dad was asking about, "Dad that's a vibrator."

"What's it do for fifty bucks?" Victor almost scoffed.

"Vibrate?" Rayner answered with a shrug. Victor turned to him unimpressed with the answer so Rayner added, "it's for internal use."

"Oh," Victor said as he clued in, he then tilted his head sideways and then put the box in his cart. Rayner let out a small laugh and then followed his father to the entrance.

The total came to an outrageous amount in Rayner's mind when they finally got both carts to the till. Probably enough to feed him for a semester. By the sounds of it, heat for the Pinewoods was becoming more and more bearable each year so Rayner figured the investment was worth it.

The speciality store that Aunt Tilly had sent them to was out of the way and very fragrant. Rayner picked up her supplies as well though and Victor ended up buying a bottle of the same for himself. Victor grumbled at the price and asked the front desk if the jelly did what it said it did. The lady gave a very pitch-like response to Rayner's mind but Victor seemed to be satisfied with it.

"If you are ever unsure about a mate," Victor said suddenly when they were back in the truck and on the road, "talk to us first and we can figure it out."

"Thanks, dad," Rayner said quietly and nodded, "Even if they are different?"

"Even if she's a husky," Victor said with a nod.

"What about a Pug?" Rayner joked, trying to hide a sigh.

"You'd kill her if you gave her a pup," Victor commented before adding hesitantly, "Not everyone has those anymore. Still wouldn't risk it."

"What about a cat?" Rayner asked, feeling weirdly reassured by his Dad's clarification.

"No, you'd be instantly out of the Pack," Victor said sharply and quickly but chuckled shortly afterwards. Rayner shook his head and smiled to himself as they drove on.

The drive to Pinewood from Riverview was about three and a half hours. The rolling suburbs, bedroom towns, and finally the outskirts quickly disappeared into farmland. Every once in a while a grain elevator, train station, or church would dot the side of the road but the further they got the smaller everything seemed.

Victor gave a brief update about how life was in Pinewood. Mostly complaining about how for the eighth year in a row it was drier than it should be and that was causing some concern with crop yields. The cows were happy enough but they were ignorant of the coming food shortages. There was discussion on pairing down the number of heads the Pack had but that always led to investment concerns. Rayner updated his dad on his university courses but left much of his personal life sparsely spoken of.

Afterwards, the two mostly talked about what the chore list for Christmas was. The Pack, even though it had moved back to its roots, still celebrated a more Christian Solstice. At least, Rayner figured it sounded like what he had heard of in school more than not. It was quick though and on the actual Solstice day rather than the twenty-fifth.

Rayner texted back and forth with Olive as she was driving home with Kacy when the ride became quiet. Kacy had not stopped talking about how Rayner, as Kacy put it, Wolf Kissed his father. Olive said he'd go from fascinated to disgusted to confused and then back around again. Olive reported that she hit Kacy hard when he suggested that it had something to do with Rayner coming out. Rayner shook his head reading it.

Gab texted about halfway through saying that he had made it back home. Rayner smiled brightly when it came through but it dimmed a bit when he saw the pictures that Gab had attached. Next to a strip mall was an old-looking concrete building with two large bay doors and a sign that read, "Wilsons" in a heavily stylised font that looked like a rock band from the eighties. The building needed paint, a bit of repair work, and a decent amount of cleanup.

"That's a big shop," Rayner texted back. He didn't feel right texting much else. The more he looked at the picture the more he thought about how Gab was.

"Oh, it's not all shop," Gab texted back quickly, "It's like half house, half shop. The second window up top is mine. I'll text you tonight with more pictures."

"Sounds good," Rayner texted with a frown and then sighed quietly when he put away his phone.

"Everything okay?" Victor asked quietly.

'What?" Rayner asked incoherently and looked up at his dad, "Oh, yeah. Just texting a friend."

"Oh?" Victor almost grunted while driving.

"New friend," Rayner explained, "the wolf, he's texting me pictures of the shop his family owns... and lives in."

"Used to be common," Victor said simply with a shrug until Rayner showed him the picture. Victor tried not to frown but was only able to keep one side of his face in check. He added, "Can't judge what you don't know."

"I'm not judging," Rayner argued, he realised he was but considered it worrying more than judging.

"Right," Victor muttered, "look, he's with you at university. He's smart and well-off enough to afford it. If that's how they to do it, then good for them."

"Gab's really smart though," Rayner said quietly, "he got scholarships but it sounded like he's struggling real hard to afford it."

"Proud of both of you then," Victor stated, "Struggles make us who we are and empathy makes us a better Pack. Watching someone struggle isn't easy and isn't supposed to be. That's what your grandma always says."

"Okay?" Rayner furrowed his brow and frowned as he asked, "What am I supposed to do then?"

"Feel?" Victor sort of asked the air after a moment, "Yeah, do what feels right. I think that's what Ma meant."

Rayner sat quietly for the rest of the drive. Eventually, they took the off-ramp from the divided highway and started on the secondary road home. Some parts of it needed repair, but it was still paved. Pinewood had mostly gravel roads or if they were fancy, oiled. Every vehicle the Pinewoods owned was a basic truck with more space than comfort so the roads themselves weren't a concern.

Rayner pointed out a new road sign to Victor, who said it was part of the effort to make Pinewood a proper village. Their own wooden road sign was behind it. The old sign had been made as a final project of the late master Osif before he accepted that his body was no longer up for woodworking. It had been a celebration that Rayner remembered fondly from his pup years. The pack was changing. Things were getting better, and they were becoming more open. This metal sign felt invasive.

Behind it though, the massive arched roof of Pinewood Hall rolled into view and Rayner lost track of the sign. He was home. The first sight of the ancient wood building always left those who knew it warm and welcomed. Twin pillars of smoke were coming from the chimneys and there would be fires in the hearths, tended and cared for, with enough fresh buns around for all. Wood, fire, and baking could sedate the dragons of old in Rayner's mind.

Inside the hall, after getting parked, Rayner felt the noise and the smell hit him. On top of the bread, there was meat being smoked, cooked, and dried as well as the smells of the family. The Hall currently had about fifty or so odd almost white wolves working here and there a northern grey wolf or true arctic mixed in. Most of them were either cooking or cleaning in some way. There was a set off to the side that looked like they had just come in from the forest if the twigs and needles in their fur held true.

Victor led Rayner to everyone he needed to check in with. The Council and Circle were first as they wanted an update on school. Grand Elder Thomas, an ageing but still fairly strong-looking white wolf was at his seat at the front of the hall working through what Rayner guessed were proposals for one of the barns that needed to be replaced. The old man was like his father, stern and quiet to most, but on good days, he seemed genuinely interested to hear what Rayner had to say. Rayner bowed before him as he waited, acknowledged him when he could, and then answered the questions he had. Most were basics about university with the only other ones being about how the new apartment was.

Speaker Ebba was outside with enough wolves around her that, unlike with Grand Elder Thomas, Victor kept his distance. Acknowledging the Speaker was always less stressful to Rayner though as it came with hugs and more often than not an ear massage. This time was no different. Ebba was shorter than Thomas but about as fit and three times as loud. The women around her were about the same. In the group, as Rayner answered some brief questions, he looked like a thinner version than any of them.

Rayner and Victor were pretty sure Master Sigmund found them after that. The silent, rather formal wolf appeared as the two were walking back through the hall and asked specifics like Grand Elder Thomas and Speaker Ebba along with her group hadn't. It was mostly clarifications. The old wolf was known for being brutally direct, and when Rayner watched the wolf leave, he felt like he did after an exam.

"Rayner," someone whispered just after Victor left to check on the evening's plan. His sister Tess was standing in the corner, watching their father walk out of the hall. She was slightly taller than Rayner and only a bit bigger. She turned to him quickly after she seemed satisfied, "Where's my mail?"

"In my bag," Rayner explained, now slightly worried about what he had brought home, "like you ordered me to."

"Good," Tess whispered with a mischievous smile, "I'll help you unpack."

She didn't wait for Rayner and quickly walked off toward the entrance. He found her at the truck already going through his suitcase. The mail she had was large enough to take up half, and Rayner had to make the excuse that the bag of clothes he brought was for washing. They were but he didn't want to do wash first thing when he got home. Tess found the package, hugged it tightly, and then started to move away from the truck.

"Hey, I thought you were helping?" Rayner asked, his paw held up and frowning.

"Shhh," Tess almost hissed and looked around, "I will be back to help and with your money."

Rayner watched her go. He was still frowning and had his paw up in the air until she was out of sight. She was obviously running home to open whatever she got. Rayner wasn't all that surprised. His sister had never really been self-conscious. To her credit, she did seem surprised when she saw Rayner with his suitcase and bags at the door to the house about half an hour later.

"I was coming back," Tess said defensively.

"Right," Rayner muttered and brought his bags into the small three-bedroom house. He dropped them off in the bedroom he and his older brother Carl shared. Carl wasn't home much so it was usually just him. Somehow his older brother seemed to get work in some of the most remote parts of what the Pack owned.

"Look, I was, I just needed the mail," Tess explained as she followed Rayner around.

"It's nothing illegal, right?" Rayner asked quietly. He turned, stood up, and looked his sister in the eyes. Tess was adventurous, but Rayner hoped she wasn't reckless enough for something like that. He wouldn't be surprised, though.

"No," Tess whispered.

"Do I want to know?" Rayner groaned.

"It's to help me this month," Tess whispered.

"That's it?" Rayner groaned and shook his head, "You had me buy a box of cups but you're hiding something to help you through heat?"

"It's expensive," Tess whispered defensively, "Mom really would not approve. I had to get a prepaid card just to buy it."

"What?" Rayner asked loudly, and Tess shushed him again, "I thought you were all about buying your own stuff at this point."

"You know mom," Tess groaned, "but I am not going through another cycle with just her supplements and oil nonsense."

Rayner sighed at the ceiling, trying to figure out what on earth his sister was doing. His mom was more about natural remedies, but Rayner didn't have to deal with them. It sort of made sense Tess wanted something else.

"How expensive?" Rayner groaned.

"Five hundred-" Tess started.

"Dollars?" Rayner interrupted with a gasp, "are you nuts? What did it come with?"

"A remote," Tess whispered, holding up a small white pear-shaped remote. Rayner lifted his paw up to take it but realised he never wanted to touch the thing. It had a couple of large buttons, two rows of small ones and a set of what were either switches or sliders at the bottom. Everything looked labelled, but it was all initials.

"This looks more complicated than Elis' tv," Rayner pointed out, "so what, you're just going to wear this thing the entire month?"

"Absolutely," Tess whispered.

"What happens if someone hears it?" Rayner asked quickly.

"It's not that loud," Tess whispered as she pulled a couple of twenties out of her pocket and handed them to Rayner, "There, for your help and silence."

"I feel dirty," Rayner groaned as he took the money and slipped it into his wallet.

"Why? You that bad with women?" Tess asked mischievously. When Rayner didn't answer, her look changed to guilt, and she dropped her ears. "Seriously, Rayner, you need to get over Bell."

"I am," Rayner muttered.

"Then what's with the face, Tiny?" Tess asked as she put the remote back into her room. He hated that nickname but it was at least better than some of his cousins calling him Master Rayner for going to University, "You didn't like break up with her while you were tied or something, right?"

"No," Rayner groaned, "We had issues. I'm not... like that."

"Like what?" Tess asked and put the remote away.

"We didn't do anything. I wanted to be sure," Rayner explained, "and she wasn't willing to wait."

"You were with her for six months," Tess pointed out, "that's not waiting to be sure, Rayner."

"I wanted it to be her," Rayner muttered.

"Six months dating someone doesn't sound like you wanted it to be," Tess argued, "Sounds like you didn't like the answer."

"She said that and more," Rayner groaned, "How did this become about me?"

"Because you rarely talk," Tess pointed out, "What do you mean more?"

"It's nothing," Rayner said quietly, shook his head, and turned to the door, "Just stuff I have to figure out. I need to get the rest of the stuff out of the truck."

Tess sighed but didn't ask any more questions. She followed him out, they unpacked the truck in silence and delivered everything Victor and Rayner had brought to the sorting house. Rayner handed the small wolf attending the counter his list, and she took a photo of it, saying that she'd handle it.

Supper that night was simple stew and bread. It had lots of meat but enough vegetables and broth to keep one on their paws. Victor liked to say it would stick to your bones. They all got up when a wolf stronger, and a bit taller than Victor made her way through Hall. Annitta, Rayner's mother, had her laptop bag with her, which meant the Circle meeting had gone long. She didn't explain, and none of them asked. Circle business was for the Circle only.

Tess tried apologising for the conversation when they returned to the house, but Rayner told her it wasn't anything and not to worry. He had too much on his mind to try and get Tess to help him out with it. Worse, he worried that she'd tell her friend and their cousin about him. Meredith was like his mother. She was an extremely strong wolf that was obviously from that line, but she was also Councilman Anthony's daughter. That man had an Alpha mindset and was extremely homophobic at the best of times.

Christmas and the Solstice came and went. Rayner spent much of it either trying to hide out and work on his own projects or when he had to be seen, he was supervising some of the younger pups. Everyone older than him complained about sports on good days; politics, religion, or the weather if it was a bad day. He had a small glass of cider at the end of it all and went to sleep shockingly quickly after that.

Over the next week, chores rotated to get into the cycle. Rayner helped out with cutting meat the first couple of days he was home but then was thankfully switched to field duty. Herding cattle was a lot better than dealing with the barn. Smelt better, work was variable, and it had more consistent hours. Both could drag on into the night, but being in the field always seemed to be more consistent because they had to get back.

There were celebrations and feasts during heat to celebrate the coming of new life into the Pact. Multiple families were trying for their next pup, and a couple were attempting their first. At the chief meals, they would march around with their braids and marks to show what happened. Rayner thought they all looked very happy. Granted, mating while in heat probably did that regardless, but it was always sort of a bittersweet thing for him. In the last cycle, he saw Bell and himself up with them and was excited for that day to come. Now? Now he was worried if he ever would be up there.

After work, celebrations, and food, Rayner made a habit of texting his friends before settling down for the night. Basically, a younger, bigger version of their father, Carl set himself up with the night shift over the cycle, so the two never technically shared the room. Rayner could smell him when he was home. The cycle was what it was, though, and with Annitta and Tess staying at Aunt Tilly's till it was over, it wasn't as smelly as it could have been. Tilly's husband, Uncle Dave, stayed in Tess' room, but he worked nights with Carl.

Olive sounded like she was miserable whenever she texted back. She, her sisters, and her mom went to sort of a staycation thing every year, but Olive's idea of hiding and reading never really flew. Her mom wanted what Olive mocked as mother-daughter time. She'd come back with a box of crafts and art that she would then make a show of burning.

Kacy and Josh sort of just did their own thing. Kacy said he spent much of the time just working on his own projects, he wanted to open a business after university, or just play video games. Josh said he mostly just relaxed. Close to the end of heat, Rayner started to get envious of Josh's privacy. The pack was getting rangy by that point and the smell devolved from musky to sharp.

Gab texted a lot the first two weeks but trickled down to every other or third day by the end of heat. Rayner tried multiple times to ask if something was going on, but Gab said there wasn't. He texted a couple of times it was a more peaceful heat than the Wilsons usually had. He never said why and Rayner never asked directly.

Close to the end of the month hit like a brick wall. The chores were back to being based on skill and merit rather than segregated by gender. The problem was now they had almost half the Pack menstruating. For some, it was something they could push through, but for wolves like Tess, it seemed painful.

"I hid snacks in your room," Rayner whispered to Tess after finding her in the hall trying to eat breakfast, "Same place as last year with the warming pads."

"Thank you," Tess groaned and then yawned deeply.

"Hate seeing miserable," Rayner said quietly.

"Could you tell that to mom?" Tess groaned sharply, "Or Uncle Dave?"

"What?" Rayner asked quietly.

"I can smell him," Tess growled and shuddered.

"I cleaned up the best I could," Rayner explained, "used that new dissenting thing you had me get."

"Well, it definitely wasn't fucking good enough," Tess growled, and Rayner leaned back on the bench. She scratched her head wildly and then sighed. She took a deep breath before continuing, "Sorry."

"Bad this year?" Rayner asked quietly.

"No," Tess admitted quietly, "It's just it started yesterday. I'm better once it's going, but I always feel like fucking Garmr at the beginning."

"Mom's not helping again?" Rayner asked.

"Never," Tess angrily groaned and then mocked, "use this for flare-ups, and this for cramps, and this for balance, and blah blah blah. At least heat was bearable."

"Your mail worked?" Rayner asked with a smile.

"Ha," Tess chuckled at the bad pun, "mostly. I have ideas for next year and a very expensive distraction to get me there."

"That's good," Rayner said with a sigh, "I'm glad it worked out."

"Do you mind if I ask something?" Tess asked quietly after eating a bit.

"Usually," Rayner replied simply.

"Who do you smile at when you get their text?" Tess asked. Rayner sat up straighter and sighed.

"Just a friend," Rayner admitted.

"Your choice or hers?" Tess asked quietly and dropped both her eyes and ears.

"Both?" Rayner responded, "It's complicated."

"And that I don't get. I don't get you," Tess grumbled, "if a guy treated me like you did Bell, I'd tie him on the head table during supper. Braid my fur right there in front of them."

"You'd get the book thrown at you for that," Rayner chuckled but quietly said, "I'd get thrown out."

"Why?" Tess asked quietly, "it isn't that husky, is it?"

"Why does everyone think it's Olive?" Rayner groaned and looked around.

"Because all your other friends are guys," Tess pointed out. Rayner froze but shuddered hard, not trying to move, he watched Tess sort of tilt her head and look up at him. "Rayner? Are... are you?"

"No, it's not like that," Rayner quickly answered, "She's nice." he cringed moments after saying it and muttered, "No, shit." Tried to restart with, "They are nice."

"Seriously, Tiny?" Tess gave a half-serious frown as she asked him.

"I need to go," Rayner said quickly and got up, he was shaking.

"No," Tess whispered and grabbed his paw. Looking him in the eyes, Rayner saw that she wasn't disgusted or horrified, but she looked tense. "Look, it's okay. Hayley at school is too... and she's cool."

"Tess, I can't fucking talk here," Rayner whispered quickly and then walked toward the exit to the hall. Tess followed, and they went for a walk back home. Rayner didn't go in, though, he just kept walking past, thinking about who would be there. Eventually, they were out in a field somewhere east of the Hall. Tess stayed quiet the entire time. He eventually turned and whispered, "You can't tell anyone."

"I won't," Tess scoffed.

"No," Rayner dug in, "I'm serious, you can't tell anyone. Like anyone anyone. Okay?"

"I won't," Tess said and shook her head, "It's okay, though-"

"It's not," Rayner cut her off and groaned, "not here... not when I'm me."

"What?" Tess asked and shook her head.

"I had to justify university," Rayner started, trying to hold back a whimper, "The pack is spending a lot on me. I need to make them proud. That's why I wanted to bring back Bell. She's fit, and smart, and strong."

"You should have heard mom talk about the pictures you sent us," Tess muttered.

"Probably no different than what Dad said when I told them we had broken up," Rayner grumbled, remembering the look of disappointment his father had, "I can't do that again. I'm not going through another one of their lectures. Carl dates like he's eating Chinese takeaway, but I get shit every time I say I like anyone."

"That's because they are worried about you," Tess explained, "They want to help."

"If that's help," Rayner argued, "They would be better to give it to Carl. He'd bring a wolf home as often as I do."

"So, who's the wolf you actually like?" Tess asked quietly.

"He's small," Rayner whispered after a long pause, "and thin... weak and scared."

"So?" Tess whispered and shrugged, "So's Bo and that little shit has more ego than authority."

"No, Gab is a lot thinner than Bo," Rayner admitted.

"So why do you like him?" Tess whispered.

"Because he's kind, and smart, and he cares. He keeps making me these little cards," Rayner started to shake more and more until at the end till he added, "and he's like me, Tess... He's different... and he's in a shitty place."

"That's why it's complicated?" Tess asked and put a paw on his shoulder.

"Yes and no," Rayner muttered, "he wanted a friend, and I haven't been able to ask if he wants more... I don't know if he'd want more."

"Why the fuck not?" Tess almost hissed.

"What if I can't bring him here?" Rayner argued. The two stared at each other for a second as Rayner tried to admit what was on his mind, "or what if I can't come back?"

"Then I'd lose my shit," Tess growled and walked a bit before turning around and saying, "so would mom and dad... probably... at least they better."

"Yeah," Rayner agreed and looked away.

"He worth it?" Tess asked after grumbling a bit.

"Yes," Rayner whispered instantly but then hedged, "I mean, I think... I don't know. If he isn't, though, at least I know that going through another Bell isn't what I want."

"Well, either your heart or your knot said yes real quick," Tess pointed out, "Which one was it?"

"I think it's my heart," Rayner whispered as he sat down. He wasn't telling her that it was both. Swaying back and forth, Rayner muttered, "I have never felt like this. I don't want to feel like this."

"You need to ask him out or let him go then," Tess muttered, "Won't change how you feel until you know where you're going."

"He's in a real bad place, though," Rayner argued, "He's struggling hard."

"The struggle makes us who we are," Tess quoted, "It's not supposed to be easy or easy to watch."

"So, do what I feel is right?" Rayner asked.

"What? No!" Tess scoffed, "who the fuck told you that?"

"Dad," Rayner responded, tucking his ears back at the venom Tess had for his question.

"And that's mom's name comes first," Tess grumbled and shook her head before continuing, "No, Mom said that the right path isn't usually the easy path. You've done what you feel, and that hasn't done anything. You want to be more than friends than have the courage to ask."

"Yeah, well he might not be my friend much longer," Rayner admitted, thinking about how little they texted. "I keep trying to message him, and he keeps texting one or two words."

"Then let him go," Tess said simply.

"I don't want to," Rayner growled and stared at Tess fiercely. She had a bit of a grin, and Rayner then realised what he had said.

"Then don't let him get away," Tess said, still grinning.

Rayner shuddered, shook, and sighed. Was he going to ask Gab out? Rayner had no idea what that meant for his future or even how Gab would react. At this moment, he realised that it wasn't that he didn't want to feel this way. He didn't want the feeling to end and after a bit of a struggle, Rayner nodded.

---

He returned to the University campus later that week. Tess kept quiet afterwards, like she promised, but Rayner was still worried about whether she would talk during the second semester. He couldn't do anything about it, though. If she said anything, he figured he was out enough the rest would just unravel. It felt like it was already.

Kacy and Olive were back already, and since Josh had never left, they met up at his place. Gab was supposed to be coming into town, but anytime Rayner asked if he wanted help off the bus, Gab said he was good. Rayner wanted to see him but worried about just ambushing the wolf, which meant he kept freezing.

The group seemed to notice. He told them it was just emotions coming back. It sort of was, leaving the Pack again was hard. He missed being able to touch other beings, the feeling of a good day's work, and having food with the family. He felt like he had gained a bit of weight back, but he wasn't sure where it went.

"Have any fun art projects to burn?" Josh asked as Kacy and Olive walked through the door. Olive looked at him darkly as Rayner watched from the couch.

"They're in the garbage," Olive almost growled.

"Yeah," Kacy added, "she threw them all out really fast."

"Aw,' Josh whined, "but it's a tradition to burn the nonsense your mom makes you do."

"Not this year," Olive stated, shook her head, and sat down at her standard spot in the corner of the sectional. She curled her legs and tail up and frowned at the world.

Kacy seemed to have already made peace with it and helped unload some of the food he got Josh. They were going to have sort of a welcome-back meal together before sitting down and scheduling their semester. They asked a couple of times whether they should include Gab but Rayner said he needed to discuss things with him first before committing to anything.

Gab and he were set to meet up Tuesday morning as they did before. Gab had asked if they could move it up though, so they met around six in the morning for a talk. Rayner was a bit shocked then but was more than happy to make the change. The idea of the cafeteria being almost empty was nice to have a talk.

Classes started up as they had before. It was the fourth semester that Rayner had been through, and the beginning intros were beginning to get repetitive. Every Prof thought of their class as a make or break, very few would do well or not take it lightly. Even the logic for the art student's class was all high and mighty about themselves. Rayner wanted an easy A, and it did fill an option.

Tuesday morning, Rayner woke up early. Well, even earlier than usual to make the coffee for him and Gab. His roommates were all back, the fox still smelled funny, and they all ignored each other unless they had to interact. Mostly it was about the fridge and the cabinets. They all had their space, and no one was supposed to touch it.

The briskness of February had slowly started to mellow. The cats still said it was cold, but Rayner missed the winter winds blowing through his thick fur. Josh looked like he wanted them back. Soon though, he would start to shed his winter coat, which always meant way too much brushing. Not Josh level brushing, but he seriously considered going to the salon with Olive. She said they had a small room with a blower that did the work for her.

Around the corner to the main room of the cafeteria, Rayner spotted Gab sitting in their spot. He looked like he did a couple of months ago but was a bit on edge. He held his sides and stared at the table intently. As Rayner watched, Gab took out his phone and checked it before turning it back around and staring at the table again.

"Good morning, you beat me here," Rayner said softly as he approached. Gab looked up with a smile that quickly faded back into the pursed frown he had on before.

"Yeah," Gab started but swallowed before continuing, "I couldn't seem to... I couldn't seem to do anything else."

"Something happen?" Rayner asked and sat down beside Gab. He put his bag and coffee down beside the table and stared at Gab.

"No?" Gab looked up at him and then back down at the table, "Sort of. Sorry I had this planned out. It's just, I'm, I don't know. Stuff at home."

"Gab, what happened?" Rayner sighed, he was starting to worry about what Gab had gone through.

"I," Gab said but then flattered, he looked like he got even smaller before saying, "I don't think we should be friends."

"What?" Rayner muttered, sort of stunned he looked Gab over. The wolf was almost curled in on himself as he said it, but he looked sad on top of whatever else he was feeling. "Why?"

"I'm just not a good friend," Gab muttered quietly.

"Gab," Rayner almost coughed out in relief, "Skoll above. I think you are a good friend and you're a good being. What happened?"

"You don't understand," Gab grumbled, "I just can't do this?"

"Do what?" Rayner asked and moved closer. Gab flinched hard away and almost landed on the floor. Rayner put his paws up a bit and again asked, "Gab, what happened?"

"I don't know," Gab almost whispered.

"Like you can't remember?" Rayner asked cautiously.

"No," Gab muttered and shook his head, "I don't know how to tell you without you hating me."

"Gab, I'm not even sure what you're telling me," Rayner said quietly.

"I just," Gab groaned and scratched his head hard. In Rayner's mind, he was obviously fighting something, but Rayner couldn't pick out what. There was a lot to choose from, considering how the two months that they had known each other had gone. "The world's shitty, and scary, and I don't want you to be but I'm... I'm not-"

"Gab," Rayner slowly moved closer and reached out a paw for Gabs. Gab didn't move his but let Rayner touch the top of one. "Whatever you are or are not or whatever happened or didn't. You can trust me. I won't become shitty and scary."

"You promise?" Gab almost whimpered.

"Of course," Rayner whispered.

"I," Gab stuttered and let out a whimpering breath. He closed his eyes and took a shallow breath in before saying, just barely enough for Rayner to hear, "I... like you."

"Gab, I like you too," Rayner responded softly, his heart softening a bit at hearing Gab speak. A smile crept across Rayners face, but Gab groaned though and took a deep breath in.

"No, Rayner," Gab tried again, "You don't understand. I like you. Like I actually like you."

The second time Gab said it, Rayner felt it rush through him like a relief. All the weight he'd be carrying for this moment was suddenly released. He felt light, soft, and happy.

"Rayner," Gab continued, "I went home and something you said just kept replaying in my mind. And now I can't stop it... Thing's I'll miss... Just, remember when I asked how do I join your cult? I just... I really, really wish that was an option."

"It is," Rayner said with a smile.

"Not the," Gab groaned and whimpered a bit but quietly added, "Not with others."

"You mean with me?" Rayner asked as softly as he could. Gab shuddered but looked at the paw on top of his expectantly, "You want to join with me."

"Yes," Gab whimpered and nodded, staring hard at Rayner's chest to avoid his gaze, "Please, it's... I'm not right."

"Gab, look at me," Rayner asked, and Gab hesitantly looked up. It was a difficult gaze to maintain, but to his credit, Gab tried very hard to stare. Rayner smiled when he was able to stabilise and slowly said, "I like you too."

"What?" Gab whispered and shuddered in his seat. Rayner moved closer even though Gab flinched away a bit. Slowly, Rayner put his other paw on Gab, and the two sat quietly for a couple of moments.

"I'm like you, too," Rayner whispered softly and got closer again. Gab whimpered, pushing his already flat ears tighter, but didn't move this time. Rayner smiled at him and continued quietly, "I'd like to maybe spend more time together but like not studying. Would you?"

"Rayner, please," Gab whispered, "I'm not joking. I don't know if you're trying to be funny, but please, I can just go. You don't have to make me feel better."

"Gab, I'm gay," Rayner whispered softly enough so only Gab could hear. The wolf twitched as he heard it but didn't move away. Rayner took a deep breath and continued, "And I like you. And maybe you're right. Maybe we shouldn't be friends because I'd like to try being more than that."

"What?" Gab whispered while he started to shake, "Shit Rayner, you mean like... you're serious?"

"Gab, would you like to go out on a date with me?" Rayner asked quietly. Gab was only really able to give a small quick nod. Rayner's smile deepened, and he moved closer to hug Gab. Gab didn't move his body, other than almost violently shaking at this point, but rested his head on Rayner's shoulder. Rayner whispered to himself, "I won't let you go."

In the middle of the almost empty cafeteria, the two wolves stayed there holding each other till Gab caught his breath. Gab's ragged whimpers and shudders calmed down into arrhythmic breathing while taking in Rayner's scent for about ten minutes. Rayner's short breaths calmed with Gab. After Gab settled down, he buried his nose in Rayner's neck and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," Gab whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Please don't be," Rayner whispered and rubbed Gab's ear softly, "when we met, you said a couple of things about home. Have you ever told anyone else?"

"Not really," Gab whispered, "I went to a thing once but other than that, no. I actually freaked out at home because of this. I never thought you'd actually consider me."

"Well, you aren't like the wolves at home," Rayner whispered almost to himself.

"You aren't anything like home," Gab whispered softly before asking, "Why do you smell like a campfire?"

"It's the hearths at the Hall," Rayner whispered back and instinctively explained because he was in the city, "They're large indoor fires we use for heating."

"And bread," Gab whispered and held Rayner tighter.

"Fresh, every day," Rayner whispered and nodded, "the buns are always harder than you expect, though."

"I don't think I have ever had fresh bread," Gab admitted and looked up at Rayner.

He seemed to realise at that moment they were in the cafeteria. Gab quickly separated from Rayner's grasp, looking around frantically and smoothing down his fur. He looked up at Rayner a couple of times with both a mischievous sort of look and once with a longing look.

Rayner looked around too. Everyone was either studying, eating, or playing on their computer. No one was interested or staring at them. They weren't even looking. It was weirdly comforting that in a room this large, he could be anonymous. Mostly anonymous, at least, considering his fur.

"Would you be interested in going to a bakery?" Rayner asked quietly, "The one Josh goes to has seating and decent coffee."

"Yes," Gab said softly, smiling in a sad sort of way and nodding.

"When are you free?" Rayner asked tentatively.

"Tonight?" Gab asked quickly, but Rayner watched as the wolf seemed to hear himself, tuck his ears suddenly and then added, "sorry, that just came out, that's too soon. Probably. Right?"

"It's a date," Rayner responded softly.

"It's a date?" Gab echoed. Hugging himself tightly, Gab started to rock back and forth before he whispered, "Okay. Holy shit." Then softer, "What the fuck?"

"You okay?" Rayner asked as he watched the thin little wolf in front of him make some sense of what was happening.

"Yeah," Gab tried to say happily, but it just came out rather loudly. Shaking himself a bit, he added, "it's just... This isn't how this morning went in my head."

"I didn't become shitty or scary?" Rayner asked cautiously, giving Gab a bit of a smirk regardless.

"Ha," Gab almost coughed out before admitting, "You aren't, but this is almost scarier."

"Oh?" Rayner asked as he tilted his head a bit.

"I don't date. Well not really. Not even like normal dates. Definitely not like this. Never like this," Gab admitted quietly, looking between the table and Rayner's chest. Rayner noticed Gab once glance further down, quickly checking his pants, though and that made Rayner smile a little more. He knew he had the same thing happening. Taking a deep breath, Gab whispered, "sort of my first date... well, with... I think."

"Well, we can figure this out together," Rayner said quietly with a nod, "I'm in the same boat."

"Really?" Gab asked and looked up at Rayner in a bit of shock.

"Yup, I broke up with my girlfriend last April," Rayner admitted with a frown and a bit of a shrug, "Could never figure out what I was supposed to be feeling or why it wasn't working. Spent a while trying to figure it out and eventually did. Actually, no, wait, I did have a date back in October. Potentially two-ish. I'm not sure if I'd count the second, though. Or the first, really."

"Well, hopefully, I'm okay," Gab said quietly after Rayner started to frown at the table. He had watched Rayner's muzzle as he gave the brief explanation, scratching himself when Rayner had listed off his experiences.

"You've already done better than they did," Rayner said frankly, pulling Gab's attention quickly, "First date basically noped out of the cafe five seconds after I sat down because he saw my fur. The second was a lot more interested in, umm, certain parts of me. He lost interest when I made it clear how fast I wanted to go."

"And how fast is that?" Gab asked hesitantly.

"Probably a lot slower than average," Rayner admitted, "hopefully that's not as off-putting. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yes. Yes. Right?" Gab quickly answered and nodded, "Sorry, I'm still trying to comprehend that I have a date tonight. I spent a lot of time cleaning the shop, thinking about how to tell you about this."

"Yeah, how did the last month go?" Rayner asked as Gab scratched his arm. Looking back up at Rayner, Gab recounted a lot of the jobs he did over the winter break.

He had an early class Tuesday and Thursday now, so he headed off after they talked about how the break went. Gab never did pack everything up, though. He walked away, holding a textbook to his chest for either stability or comfort. Probably both. Rayner sighed heavily when Gab rounded the corner to exit the building. Poor thing was anxious as hell, but he was cute and hot.

"I have a date tonight!" Rayner texted Tess and the group immediately afterwards.

Smiling brightly, he waited for replies and thought about getting breakfast. Tess responded almost immediately, as she was probably on the bus at this time. Josh and Olive were a bit later. All three congratulated him and wished him the best. It wasn't until Rayner was in line for food that Kacy finally texted back, asking why he was up this early.

Classes felt like sand. At least, they felt like running through sand. Every single time Rayner thought he had gotten out of the spell he was in, Gab would flutter back into his mind and make him smile. He longed for this evening. It was going to be simple, but it was the first step into something he never knew he was missing out on.

Eventually, his last class ended at four in the afternoon. This gave him plenty of time to get back to the apartment, drop his bag off, and brush the knots out of his fur. He kind of wished he had learned how Tess braided her fur so that it looked nice but didn't have time to learn now. Rayner did add it to his to-do list, though. Before leaving, he checked himself in the mirror and saw someone happier than he had seen in a long time.

"This isn't like Bell," Rayner muttered, thinking about all the times he had checked himself before heading out on one of their dates. He had always been nervous, cold but not uncaring, and planned meticulously.

It wasn't until he got outside that he realised that Gab and him never actually set a time. It was just left at some time this evening. This wasn't like Bell at all. He started walking to the dorms and texted Gab what time worked best for him. Rayner was hopeful that Gab had the same idea.

Gab didn't text back until after Rayner had started wandering around the outside of the dorm's entranceway. His last class had just ended, and he was rushing back to drop his stuff off. Rayner was a little surprised by how late the class was but smiled when he saw the thin wolf power walking it back from engineering. Gab made a beeline to the entrance and never noticed Rayner, only a few feet from him.

"Hey," Gab breathed heavily, stepping outside the dorms a couple of minutes after going in. He was still panting and in the same pants and coat, but his bag and books were now upstairs.

"Hey, you ready?" Rayner asked, smiling and then gestured to the sidewalk when Gab nodded.

They walked quietly for the first couple of blocks. The bakery was about a half-hour walk in the winter from the dorms. Past the hospital, the foot traffic became a lot less, and both of them relaxed a bit.

"Are you sure about this?" Gab asked hesitantly after looking around a bit.

'Yes," Rayner chuckled, "Are you sure?

"No," Gab gave almost a dark chuckle. Glancing at Rayner, though, he changed his tone quickly and whispered, "I mean, I think so," then nodding as hard as he could, handing Rayner another card, and wagging his tail, "sorry, this isn't how I imagined today to go. Or like ever. I thought... well, you know."

"Honestly, this is sort of how I wanted it to go," Rayner admitted looking at the card. Gab looked up at him curiously. Rayner just smiled at him and explained, "I came out to my sister over break, and one of the things we talked about was dating. Sort of came down to letting you go or asking you out."

"You knew about me?" Gab asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," Rayner admitted as they walked, "or assumed."

"Do I come off like that?" Gab asked quietly, now sort of stunned, but his tone turned into a bit more of a panic when he asked, "Fuck, Rayner, how? Is it obvious?"

"No, Gab, you don't," Rayner assured him, "actually Josh almost choked when I told him."

"Wait, what?" Gab asked loudly and hesitantly stopped moving. He turned to look at Rayner and asked, "How many beings have you told about me?"

"Well, technically four," Rayner admitted, suddenly realising that was probably a bad thing to say, "Olive and Kacy know too. Lilith saw you at that first meeting at RiverBEND, though. I mean that's how I knew. Assumed. Guess?"

"Shit," Gab gasped at the name before quickly looking back at Rayner and asking, "wait, you were there?"

"Yeah," Rayner said and took in a shakier breath than he was expecting, "I was in the hoodie, overheating. You helped me. I kind of had a crush on you since then. I kept hoping you'd come back-"

"Is that why you were so nice to me when we first met?" Gab asked quietly, "You knew me... about me?"

"I said I liked you and wanted to be at least your friend," Rayner admitted and nodded. Gab opened his muzzle and closed it a couple of times but remained silent. Rayner eventually continued, "Look, if that changes anything or if you don't want to continue with this-"

"No," Gab interrupted. They stood there a moment before Gab scanned around as he tried to scratch his sides and explained, "I'm sorry. It's just a lot. I'm, I'm not... you know? Dad would kill me. He can't know."

"Well, I'm not going to tell him," Rayner said quietly, "I'm sorry, I really am new to this. I don't expect anything, and if you don't like me, that's okay. I just don't know what to do."

"I don't either, but I didn't go back to my dorm and tell my roommate," Gab whispered and groaned a bit, "How'd they react?"

"Gab, I didn't tell them today," Rayner admitted and scratched the back of his head before saying, "I told them in November."

"They've known for months?" Gab asked in a shockingly loud whisper.

"Yeah... Yes?" Rayner confirmed hesitantly, "They don't tell anyone. Even Kacy... shockingly. And they are okay with it. Me. Us. Well, technically, me and you. Probably shouldn't say us yet. Well, they were very kind when I came out, and they're still my friends, and it was probably too easy to talk with them about stuff. Josh said a lot of nice things about you. They also really like the cards you make."

"But they didn't say anything?" Gab asked quietly. Rayner wasn't quite sure what he was talking about until Gab continued, "At Josh's place, before I left, no one said anything about me."

"They wouldn't. They didn't either before I came out. Josh and Olive said they suspected, but it was for me to tell them," Rayner quickly explained. Frowning to himself as he thought about it, he added, "Oh shit, I'm an asshole. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Gab whispered as he scratched his arm absently in the darkness.

"No, it's not," Rayner said sternly realising he would have been absolutely pissed if it was the other way around. "I shouldn't have told them. I'm sorry I did. Again, if you don't want to continue this, I absolutely wouldn't blame you."

"I didn't even realise they knew," Gab muttered almost absently, "like, they all knew?"

"Yeah," Rayner confirmed with a nod.

"And it's just," Gab started but paused a bit and tried to think. He stood there looking somewhere Rayner couldn't see before finding what he was looking for and saying, "it felt like it was nothing. LIke I'm normal to them?"

"Yeah," Rayner said quietly, "they do that. They did that with my fur and then again with... When I came out."

"Why?" Gab asked bluntly.

"Because we are to them," Rayner tried his best to answer, "Beings finding others attractive is normal. Going on dates is normal. Us being... well, it doesn't change that."

"Did you tell them we are on a date?" Gab asked quietly.

Rayner opened his muzzle to speak but nothing came out.

"You told them," Gab confirmed.

"I was really excited you said yes to it," Rayner blurted out before groaning, "I come from a large close pack. Who, before you ask, I am scared shitless to say anything to-"

"Except your sister," Gab interrupted.

"Skoll above," Rayner swore, almost growling at himself, "I am not sure how I could do worse than this. Umm, yes, I told Tess. It's hard not to when the reason I came out is because I think you're hot."

"What?" Gab whispered.

"I came out to both my friends and Tess because I was trying to figure out how I felt about you," Rayner explained in a hurry, "I like you, Gab. A lot. A lot more than I should. I definitely like you more than any girl that I've dated, and I probably like you more than you like me. You're a lot hotter than I am, and you're definitely more caring."

"I am not," Gab almost spat back, waving a paw at Rayner, "You're like an actual wolf. Strong and proud. You're like the alpha that dad would want. You know, minus the gay part."

"And the cult part?" Rayner scoffed.

"No," Gab gave a bit of a twinge as he said it, "He'd probably be okay with that so long as it made him money. Actually, if I was a girl he'd probably marry me off just to make money regardless of what I wanted."

"What do you want?" Rayner asked quietly.

"This morning was scary, and right now is sort of shitty but, you know, also scary," Gab explained before muttering, "Yeah, right now is definitely both shitty and scary."

"So I am what you expected," Rayner said rather defeatedly.

"Fuck no," Gab whispered. Laughing and then shaking his head, he looked around at the empty sidewalk as Rayner stayed still. Eventually, Gab explained, "I like you, but I really don't like being out of control. Bad things happen when I don't... have happened to me. I think this is actually the first time... I'm risking a lot. I really wanted this date to go well, Rayner. I still do."

"Well, I'd really appreciate the chance to make it up to you," Rayner said quietly and ran a paw over Gab's back. The coat crinkled as he moved. Rayner sort of wished he could feel the wolf's fur under his paw. He quietly said, "I'm sorry I told other beings. It's been rather, almost scary. Coming out, first dates... just everything. I didn't mean it make it worse for you."

"I can't imagine you being scared," Gab said as they started walking again, "you probably have had a lot of first dates."

"Yes-ish," Rayner responded after weighing the question in his mind, "I feel like I have been on a lot of first dates, but this is the first one I have wanted though. How about you?"

"A couple," Gab admitted and raised his arms to show off his body, "nothing serious. I don't have a lot to offer."

"You're hard-working, funny, and cute," Rayner leaned over and whispered into Gab's ear. Gab shuddered but looked down with such a smile that Rayner had to smile with him. Rayner even noticed Gab pull his coat down a bit a couple of steps later.

An older brick building, with chairs and tables spread out into the sidewalk, met them a couple of minutes later. Rayner was met with a much sweeter smell of baking than he was used to at home. Gab just looked like he took it in, though, both the sight and the smell.

The bakery was a bit packed when they got there. The cafe side had enough seating for about thirty, with how many chairs were out. It looked like most were in line for takeaway, though. There were specials written in fancy-coloured chalk on the blackboards all around and basic menu items on the ones in the back.

Rayner, noticing Gab still playing with his coat, asked him what he would like and if he would grab a table for the two of them while he ordered. Gab didn't really know what there was, so asked Rayner to pick for him. He then went and sat down at a small table afterwards and pulled an empty chair up next to him.

Rayner ordered a lot of things to share from the counter. He tried to go with something standard to be safe and something he enjoyed that was out of the ordinary. For the standard, he ordered a cheese scone, a roast beef sandwich on white, and a cinnamon bun. For his own, he ordered toasted focaccia and vinegar, a Reuban, and two Cannolis.

"How much do I owe you?" Gab asked quietly after Rayner sat down.

"If you're okay with it," Rayner said hesitantly, "I'd like to get this one."

"I have money," Gab said quietly, "My scholarships for this semester came in a couple of days ago."

"No, it's, I mean, I'm glad, but," Rayner stammered, "It's just, first dates I always was expected to pay. That part makes sense to me. Sort of. Plus, after the walk here, you more than deserve to be treated to a meal."

"Rayner, I'm not sure if I can be," Gab leaned over and hesitantly explained in a whisper, "Well, like that."

"What?" Rayner frowned and asked back.

"I'm the girl?" Gab whispered, "you're paying. You called me cute. I mean I get it but I... Honestly, Rayner, I don't know how much of this I can actually do. I make a pretty crappy guy but I'm not going to be what you want as a girl either."

"No, Gab, I don't want a girl," Rayner whispered, frowned to himself as he thought about it and added, "I also don't really want to know what you mean but that. And I don't want you to do anything. Well, anything you don't like."

"Well," Gab whispered, "What do I do?"

"I don't know," Rayner said with a shrug, "I'm not even sure what I'm doing. Eat? Don't overthink things. Or, like, underthink them in my cause."

"But that's like my one skill," Gab whispered with a rather bitter edge.

"Good thing you're in engineering then," Rayner chuckled to himself realising he probably should be using humour to cope with the situation but it came out before he could think about it. "If I tried to build a bridge and I'd probably forget the supports."

"Yeah, well, if I tried my priority would be making them flame retardant," Gab whispered with a smile as he shook his head, "that way I couldn't burn them down."

"With how hot you are," Rayner whispered quickly, "I'd make that a priority too."

"Make me blush again," Gab whispered to himself as he shook his head. Looking back up with a smile, he asked, "I don't know what to say."

"Okay, well how do your classes look this semester?" Rayner asked, trying to return to a normal tone.

They talked away about what the upcoming semester looked like. Gab had another calculus course that he was worried about but was thankful that due to scheduling, he wasn't able to get the old shepherd two semesters in a row. He had tried his hardest over the summer, though, to get the same Prof. multiple times. It was sort of the reason he had one at eight in the morning and then one that ended at five.

Rayner told him that he could go through and switch the classes out for the next two weeks if he doesn't like the prof or the time slot. Gab was hesitant about it because he worried about already missing the first class, but Rayner told him that was sort of expected. The first two weeks are usually reviewed just because beings move around so much. Rayner texted Josh and asked if Gab could come to tomorrow's get-together because that was actually what they were doing. Gab agreed if the others were fine with it.

After Gab had talked out all his worries about the semester and Rayner had poked a couple of times about what he would like, Rayner talked about his classes. Fourth semester Comp. Sci. was getting further into specialities. Gab, to Rayner's surprise, seemed to be able to follow what he was saying without glazing over. He felt heard.

They continued to talk through the evening and in between food. Gab really liked a lot of the sweeter bread and was trying hard not to show his dislike of the scone. Rayner admitted that sadly the scone was probably closer to the bread at home than anything else. The Pack didn't use sugar, so it was very different from the artisan bread in front of them.

Talking about the Pack was a bit hard for Rayner. He talked about how far they had come, but he couldn't think of anyone who was out in either the school he went to or at home. Tess had mentioned someone, but Rayner didn't know who that was. He told Gab about what had happened last semester, though. All the trouble with how he came out and how he had gone to every meeting trying to meet Gab again.

Gab explained why he didn't come back. One of the only phone calls home, his dad had yelled at him. Rayner tried his best to listen and not hear the words or the venom that Gab was able to say them with, but it was difficult. After that night, Gab said he got scared and never even thought of going back.

"So, did you know before going to RiverBEND that you were?" Rayner let the question hang. They had talked quietly around the subject in such an open place but had fun whispering to each other in defiance of the fears.

"Yeah," Gab sighed and nodded, "Last being I dated, broke up with me over text, and the next day was with this wolf at school. He was fit and could just talk to anyone. When I saw them together, I realised I wanted to be with him. Not her."

"Sorry to hear," Rayner said quietly but smiled at the comparison.

"Yeah," Gab muttered, "stuff spiralled after that, so I put everything into school to get out of Isley. Probably a good move, though, it's not like my friends ever try to talk to me anymore."

"That's awful," Rayner responded, "did they say anything? Did they know?"

"Nah and no," Gab said and shrugged, "I'm just not around, I guess."

"Well, did you make any new friends last semester," Rayner asked hopefully but already knew the answer.

"Just you," Gab answered quietly and smiled to himself.

The waning moon rose over them around nine at night. Still, they talked at their corner table, eating the last crumbs of supper and drinking coffee. Rayner knew he probably wouldn't sleep well tonight because of the caffeine, but he didn't care. Gab was talking and happy. That's what Rayner wanted.

Eventually, though, the Cafe closed. They walked back to campus, still talking about life and what they liked. Rayner worried a bit about how he was going to remember it all. Gab had gone through troubles and turmoils but also talked about a couple of the highlights. He never said it directly, but at some point when Gab was a pup, his mother passed. Gab's father, it sounded like, never really accepted or was able to recover from it. The few memories Gab had, though, were a glowing beacon in a life of dreary shop lights.

Somehow they got back to the dorms without Rayner realising it. He pulled Gab aside before they got close to the entrance so they could finish their talk. Gab seemed hesitant but followed. Around the side of the building with no lights, they stood on the path leading toward the stadium and car park.

"Hey," Rayner said softly, "I had an amazing time tonight. Thank you for this. For giving me another chance."

"You took me out," Gab chuckled softly but swallowed hard, "What happens now?"

"Hopefully, you're up for a second date?" Rayner asked softly. Gab nodded happily.

"I meant," Gab sheepishly continued and looked around, "are you... my roommates upstairs and I still-"

"No. Skoll above, Gab," Rayner clued in and almost gasped. He hugged Gab and laughed harder than he expected, "No, it's our first date. I'm not like that. Like at all."

"Oh," Gab sighed in relief and hugged back, "Sorry, I just. I don't think I can be all that physical."

"Look as fun as everyone makes it sound," Rayner explained quietly, "I don't want to just get tied up with someone because it feels good. I'm not like that, the pack's not like that... Sorry, I have every expectation now flooding into my head. It's not supposed to be. The pack. Look, trying to make a long story not longer, I just want to date someone I like. I like you. I liked this. Honestly, this is the best date I have ever been on. And I know I can do better."

"You sure?" Gab asked quietly and looked around.

"Well, do you want me to come upstairs with you?" Rayner asked curiously. Even in the dark, Rayner could almost see Gab blush under his fur.

"I don't know what to do," Gab admitted quietly, "I just don't want you to be disappointed in me."

"I am not," Rayner stated adamantly, "If anyone should be disappointed, it should be you and I am actually quite sorry for some of the things I have said tonight."

"I'm not," Gab whispered as he tried to pay attention to some of the beings walking in the distance, "You shouldn't be. I like you too. It's just hard to read what you want. It's hard to know what I want. It just feels like every guy wants a tail, and I just can't."

"Look, when I find enough courage to even think about playing under your tail, I'll ask," Rayner said softly and smiled at Gab as he fidgeted, "Or if you want to see my tail. But I don't want this to be transactional. Love's about being fair but it's not frugal. I never want it to feel cheap. I hope I haven't made you feel cheap."

"No, God no," Gab scoffed and looked away to swallow something. He was quiet for a moment but then looked back at Rayner and with a bit of trouble whispered, "I don't know how to say this other than I don't want to disappoint you but I feel like I will. I'm just... scared."

"Of me?" Rayner asked.

"Of everything," Gab admitted, "of you, losing you, going too far, not going far enough, not knowing what to do."

"Gab, I don't know what to do," Rayner whispered, "and I'm scared of all of those things too. What can I do? What would make this safer for you?"

"I just need to know what to do," Gab whispered.

"I just want you to like me," Rayner said with a sigh, "and feel safe around me. Look I know telling my friends and my sister about you was bad and I really am sorry. If I know what I'm supposed to keep secret, then I'm a lot better about it. I promise."

"Sorry, maybe it's stupid but it's hard to believe that you all knew about me since November," Gab explained, "Like I can't read you at all? Any of you? How did I miss that?"

"Hopefully, it was because you were actually a normal being around us," Rayner offered, "You were safe."

"What?" Gab whimpered.

"I mean," Rayner quickly added, "That's how they make me feel. There isn't anything to find out because they just say everything. It was safe to come out to them when I was ready even if I hid it from them and they already knew. Truth is earned or something. They earned mine. I'm trying to earn yours. I think they are trying to earn yours as well."

"What do I do?" Gab whispered.

"Be safe," Rayner looked around and explained, "And you said you need to know what to do but I can't tell you to do anything. I want to know what you want to do, which probably means you want to know that as well. I'd like to hug you and tell you everything is okay. That I'm okay with this. With you. That I like you. That I would like a second date. Another chance. If I'm being painfully honest, I'd like to kiss you but that's probably not a tonight thing. I want you to sleep peacefully."

"Could it be?" Gab interrupted Rayner's ramble with a whisper.

Rayner stepped close, and neither made a sound other than Gab's faint shudders for a couple of moments. Slowly, Rayner moved his muzzle forward, trying to see if Gab would move away until their lips met. Gab widened his eyes. To Rayner's surprise, the wolf leaned into him and they kissed softly in the night, under the moon, and away from the sight of any stray wanderers. It was the first kiss that Rayner didn't want to end.

"Have a good sleep, Gab," Rayner whispered after they parted.

"You too," Gab almost whimpered quietly, "Thank you."

They parted ways, and Gab started to walk toward the entrance. In the light, Rayner saw the wolf he liked smiling widely, almost bouncing as he walked into the dorm and out of sight. This wasn't at all like Bell. From the smile on Rayners face to the warmth in his heart to a certain wetness in his fur, Rayner knew this wasn't like Bell at all. The walk back to the apartment felt like he'd suddenly lost twenty or thirty pounds. He felt so light.

He slept well that night after a bit of time alone with himself. It was a very different experience thinking of someone he liked. It also went a lot faster. Laying in his bed afterwards Rayner had a moment of shock and a bit of panic when he realised what he'd done. He really was different. This wasn't just some reaction about breaking up with Bell or being lonely or isolated. He liked Gab, and he liked Gab in that way. Gab liked him too. Even after everything that had happened and all the nonsense that made Rayner shudder when he thought about it, they kissed. It was terrifying how right that kiss felt.

---

Day three of classes had brought everyone out of the dorms and apartments. Maybe it was being cooped up over the break or just the after-effects, but the winter seemed more restrictive even though it was technically warmer. The days were getting longer, a dry warm wind was coming in out of the east, and every being wanted to be out.

The cafeteria by the hospital was unusually packed. Beings of all kinds were wandering and talking as well as trying to get their favourite fast foods that they missed while at home. The sandwich shop had a line snaked around the seating area and was getting close to spilling outside. It had a speed record in service. Rayner never went there, though, because of the bread. It was way too much and way too sweet.

Gab was the first to grab the table that morning. He waited beside the group who had it before for twenty minutes until they left and then moved all his stuff over. Rayner didn't know how long he had been waiting but he had seen Gab move over as he was walking towards the spot. Gab sat anxiously when he pulled the tables toward him.

"Good morning," Rayner greeted him and pulled out a chair for himself.

"Morning," Gab beamed, playing with a small card he had made, and watched Rayner sit before quietly adding, "thank you for this. Well, and yesterday... and the kiss."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did," Rayner said with a smile. He cautiously put a paw in the air to wrap around Gab, but Gab looked around quickly when he saw it. Realising what he was about to do, Rayner put his arm by his side and whispered an apology.

They both felt odd about public displays. Neither of them wanted to be loudly out like some were, but there was an urge to be around one another. They didn't feel safe. The campus was probably secure enough that they didn't need to worry, but there was enough experience to toe the line on some things.

Josh, Kacy, and Olive all showed up together. Kacy and Olive were coming from the Box, and Josh was entering from Engineering. They had met up on the walk because Kacy ran toward Josh when he saw him. Olive had to play catch up.

"Josh?" Gab whispered as Josh brought out his work next to him and Olive and Kacy got settled, "Did Rayner tell you about yesterday? About me?"

"Little bit," Josh admitted, now looking a bit concerned. He glanced at Olive but she didn't seem to be paying attention. Tilting his head, he asked, "that okay?"

"It's just weird," Gab whispered with a bit of a shake, "Knowing you know."

"About you?" Josh asked, "Or about your first date."

"Fourth," Olive corrected with a mischievous smile.

"It's their seventh," Kacy chimed in.

"Kacy, are you skip counting now?" Rayner groaned and frowned at them.

"I doubt Kacy can do that," Olive quickly muttered.

"I don't know, it doesn't matter after five," Kacy argued, ignoring Olive, "you're just serious after that."

"So you really do all know?" Gab asked quietly. The three looked around and nodded at him. Olive and Josh gave small smiles. Kacy looked excited. After Gab gathered himself, he asked, "And you're okay with it? Me?"

"Yes," Josh answered for the others, "Look, a bit of teasing aside, we are all happy for the two of you and glad you wanted to join us."

"I have no idea why," Kacy added, "I mean, if I was you-"

"Kacy," Olive almost hissed as she cut him off, "should your next words stay in your head because I swear."

"I'd have a lunch date?" Kacy flinched away and responded. Olive looked at him suspiciously but accepted the answer.

"Maybe Kacy is growing," Josh pointed out, Rayner smirked, and Gab looked confused, but neither of them said anything.

"I don't trust it," Olive said quietly.

"Why?" Kacy scoffed, "What we're going to do if I said something else."

"Find you a muzzle to go with that collar Lilith put on you," Olive explained quickly and narrowed her eyes. Kacy wasn't wearing the collar, he had it hidden in his sock drawer back at his apartment. He admitted to them that he had put it on occasionally but had never worn it out since the end of the last break.

"Do you think she has one?" Kacy almost squeaked out.

Much to Rayner's disappointment, they all turned to him for an answer. He shrugged because he honestly didn't know. It wouldn't have shocked him if Lilith did have a muzzle but that's her business, not his.

"Okay, let's get away from Kacy's fantasies," Josh interrupted and booted up his laptop. The rest did the same. Gab was more hesitant about showing pulling his out but after a glance at Rayner, he did and plugged it in. No one commented. Josh and Olive had rather slick laptops compared to Rayners. Kacy had a gaming laptop even though he didn't actually game. He just thought the lights were cool.

"Just for the record, that's not my fantasy," Kacy muttered as he booted up his computer. They all looked at him with a frown, save Gab who just sort of watched. Kacy quietly added, "Well, I haven't fantasised about it."

"Yet," Olive muttered quietly.

"I mean, you'd look good in one," Kacy chuckled and stuck his tongue out at Olive

The group started working on going over their schedules after Olive growled at Kacy. Josh and Gab pulled out their welcome packages from their bags and compared notes while Rayner, Olive, and Kacy tried their best to see what was open in the classes they didn't feel great about. It wasn't much. Rayner really had no choice. The other sections of the classes he was in were full right now.

Josh convinced Gab to switch two of his classes around so that they were sharing them. He changed a morning three-day class to a mid-day two-day class and he changed his late two-day class to a late morning one. Gab looked panicked both times when he waited for the confirmations and sighed heavily when he got it.

Olive and Kacy eventually had to leave due to their classes. They had confirmed their plans for Friday and invited Gab before leaving. Josh asked a couple of questions about allergies but excused himself not long after Olive and Kacy. Said he was going to go wander before lunch. Rayner smiled at him. Both Rayner and Gab said their goodbyes and thank yous to Josh before Rayner scratched his arm and put a couple of things away.

"So," Rayner started quietly, "how was that?"

"Weird," Gab admitted and matched Rayner's volume, "like really, really weird. Like I'm sort of still shaking weird."

"I'm sorry," Rayner apologised but Gab shook his head.

"No, it's good," Gab corrected, "it felt actually normal... or simple. Safe? Changing courses was terrifying."

"Yeah," Rayner admitted, "You can trust Josh, though. He's confident but it comes from experience."

"I guess," Gab muttered quietly after a moment, he looked up at Rayner hesitantly and asked, "Rayner, how many dates do you think we've been on?"

"Our first was the one last night," Rayner explained, smiling, "before that, like I said, I was trying to be your friend."

"At least my friend," Gab corrected.

"You still okay with that?" Rayner asked.

"I don't know what I am," Gab admitted and leaned back a bit, "I feel like I'm floating and I'm scared I'll fall. I'm sort of scared of heights so it makes it worse."

"That's where I wish the world was different," Rayner explained solemnly, "If Bell said that, I'd hold you until you couldn't float away let alone fall. Brush and braid your fur."

"I could smell the hearths again," Gab whispered to himself. He groaned and fidgeted a bit before sighing deeply. Gab swallowed, sat up, and said, "I'm sorry, I just can't. Not here... Not out here."

"I don't think I could either," Rayner admitted and looked around at all the beings around them. He felt intensely vulnerable sitting out in the open like this, sharing this secret, but at the same time incredibly lonely. Outside of the two of them the best they could hope for was a neutral, unnoticed experience and risked rejection for it. Rayner swallowed and quietly suggested, "We... we could go back to my apartment."

"Rayner, I," Gab quickly answered, "I don't think, I can't-"

"Okay, no that's okay," Rayner interrupted and looked around quickly, "I just wanted to... umm, offer. Not to you know, do anything other than talk, really."

"I'm so sorry Rayner," Gab whispered, "this is just very new and really terrifying. I'm trying to keep it all under control."

"Gab," Rayner sighed and quietly added, "I am too."

"Wish I had your courage then," Gab almost scoffed as he breathed deeply and tried to calm himself, "Wish I could trust this or at least felt safe."

"No," Rayner almost laughed, "I don't feel safe Gab and courage isn't about having trust."

"Really?" Gab asked quietly.

"No," Rayner started to explain, or found comfort in reciting, as he shook his head, "Courage is about understanding fear. You feel it, know it, accept it, and use it. If it's a safe situation that you can trust then it doesn't take courage to deal with it. Least that's what I grew up with."

"So you are afraid?" Gab asked, looking up at Rayner. Rayner met his gaze and nodded. "You don't trust this will work out?"

"No," Rayner said and shook his head, "I'm trying to build that. I want to build it. I am building it. Plus, blind faith serves only the reckless and simple."

"How do I do that?" Gab asked quietly, he fidgeted but didn't look away, "or help."

"Do something that you want to trust in the future," Rayner explained and shrugged, "I don't know what that looks like though."

Gab looked lost for a couple of seconds and then looked up and frowned. He looked around anxiously and scratched his arm a couple of times. Rayner tried to follow what he was looking at but couldn't see anything specific. Gab just seemed to be scanning. A couple of deep breaths later from Gab, Rayner saw him move his paw out. Rayner smiled to himself and gently took it in his. Gab flinched but didn't let go.

In the middle of the cafeteria, the two wolves held paws underneath the table for the next half hour. They eventually started talking quietly about the weather. Gab shook the entire time. Other than them only a few beings noticed. Rayner and Gab never saw the smiles, the frowns, or the head tilts. No one commented or gestured to them. After the two left for class, the cafeteria didn't remember that they were there at all but they remembered the feeling of being together and the courage they were building.