FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The two held each other's paws when they could. To Rayner, it was a slightly rebellious feeling but he worried about how Gab was taking it. The thin little wolf looked like he was just waiting for someone to yell at him whenever they were together. RiverBEND was hopefully the solution to that but even with Rayner praising it beyond what he believed the group deserved, Gab wouldn't go. Complaining to Lilith that Thursday didn't help but for some reason, not many showed up so it was fine to talk in the corner.

They both checked in on how their break went. Rayner talked about all the supplies he bought, all the chores he did, and the conversation he had with his sister. Lilith talked about going somewhere exotic and being massaged. Rayner was a little jealous but at the same time, it seemed like a lot. In the end, he told her about how Gab and he were dating now and all the emotions that came with that first conversation. She was happy for him.

Friday they all met at Josh's for a standard study meeting. Gab asked more than once if Josh wanted any money for the food or if he should be helping at all. Josh said no to both. The Samoyed took great delight in being able to play host.

They went through how their new classes were and if they had changed anything. Josh and Gab agreed that the switched classes were better, and Gab appreciated having a more compact schedule. Kacy switched a class again, saying after having sat in on all three, he liked where the third was going more than the other two. The second one, he explained, started upbeat but descended quickly into bland notes on a presentation board.

Sadly, they ended up cancelling the weekend adventure when Olive told them she had a medical appointment that morning. She seemed hesitant about it and argued that they could just go on without her. The others didn't want the first adventure to be without her and they moved to the following weekend. It wasn't a big thing. They were going to walk to a bar that specialised in smoked meat that they all wanted to try.

After the meeting, Gab and Rayner agreed to a second date on Sunday and agreed to keep it simple. They each brought something to share and walked to the park to eat. They hoped the best for Olive and Gab said more than once he wished he could cook like Josh could.

"Do you cook a lot?" Rayner asked as the two walked along the river valley.

"Use to," Gab admitted, "Dallas and Mal, my brothers, were always in the shop and Dad doesn't believe in cooking."

"How do you not believe in cooking?" Rayner asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"That's something Mom did," Gab shrugged, "He was the Alpha and men aren't supposed to cook."

"But you do?" Rayner was hesitant to ask but it felt like it was something he was supposed to say.

"Yeah, well, I'm the closest thing to a bitch my family has," Gab explained coldly, "Probably starving without me. Or they just eat out all the time."

"Sounds really rough," Rayner said with a sigh.

"Sorry," Gab perked up, "I didn't mean to say it like that. Or bring it up. My brothers aren't that bad. Really. Well, I mean, Dallas is, but Mal's okay. Dad likes Dallas a lot more, though, because he brings in customers. Has this street racing wolves or dogs with money spending for stupid options to tune their cars. Charges their BS prices."

"They older?" Rayner asked.

"Yeah, Dallas is like five years older than me," Gab said with a nod, "Mal's twenty this year. I'm the youngest."

"Okay," Rayner muttered, trying to keep everything in his head, "I'm the middle, Carl's twenty-two and Tess is eighteen."

They stayed in the park until mid-afternoon. The equinox was coming and evening came on rather suddenly. Both wanted to be back before then. They didn't end up kissing where they did last time because of how much traffic there was. Rayner sort of sulked his way back to the apartment with the missed chance. Gab had smiled throughout the date, though, which was some comfort.

Early next week sort of went by in a blur. Second-week assignments came out and Rayner always thought it was a way to push out the beings who didn't actually want to take the classes he was in. One of them took forever and even at the end of it Rayner wasn't sure if he had done it correctly.

The big surprise though was Olive, she had seemed back to herself on Monday's meeting. She showed up Wednesday though with a windbreaker on and a shaved patch of fur on the side of her chest. She told them she had found a lump just after they got back and went in to have it checked. It thankfully came back not what she was worried about and she had had things removed the day before. Kacy, who usually was uncomfortable with anything medical, seemed unusually quiet when Olive explained what had happened and even when she flashed him her stitches he just stared.

"Maybe you are maturing," Olive said quietly to him after she put her windbreaker back on.

After Olive's story, Josh approached Rayner, asked him if he wanted movie tickets, and told him about having a date cancelled on him. It was this Friday, and the girl he was going with texted and said she all of the sudden had other plans. Rayner empathised but Josh told him it was an online date and that he didn't want anything for them. He'd gotten them from a membership thing he had.

"Hey," Rayner said quietly and sat down beside Gab as he listened to Kacy and Olive talk about what type of business they'd open if they could. Gab looked over and smiled, then saw the tickets and tried to read them. Rayner handed one to him and asked, "do you want to go to the movies on Friday?"

"You already bought tickets?" Gab asked quietly, "What is it?"

"Josh did and offered them," Rayner explained, tilted his head toward the kitchen and continued in a whisper, "date cancelled on him. I don't know it either."

"What's it cost?" Gab whispered and frowned.

"Just popcorn, if we want it," Rayner whispered, "and dealing with me if I say something stupid."

"I'm good without popcorn," Gab muttered as he played with the ticket, "it's not something I enjoy."

"I don't really like it either," Rayner chuckled, "Costs more than the movie these days. I usually just smuggle in liquorice and buy a soda. What do you think?"

"If you're okay with it," Gab whispered and smiled to himself, "I'd really like that."

"Aw," Kacy said loud enough to make Gab flinch and Rayner shoot a dark look his way. Olive giggled but then grabbed for Kacy's muzzle as he started to talk, "Hey, and it's your third damfff mummff."

"Should have realised you maturing was far-fetched," Olive muttered darkly as she held Kacy's muzzle shut. A sudden, concerned whine from the dog took her off guard and she followed where he was looking. A dark red patch had formed on Olive's shirt after she grabbed Kacy. Moving her shirt a bit with one paw and holding Kacy with the other, she checked her stitches. "It's not ripped. Just bleeding."

"Probably shouldn't move too fast regardless," Josh said sternly from behind the sectional.

"I'd rather go back to the hospital than hear Kacy's third date ideas," Olive explained and put her shirt back in place. She looked Kacy in the eye and said, "or his expectations."

Kacy rubbed his muzzle after Olive let go but didn't say anything. He sighed and stared at her side as she got comfortable again but eventually pulled out his phone and checked something.

Rayner only then really noticed Gab had been playing with the ticket again. The wolf was staring out the window and every once in a while would frown at something unheard. He had curled up a bit after Olive had checked herself.

"You okay?" Rayner asked quietly. Gab nodded but after they all had parted ways for the day Gab had followed Rayner long after he should have left to go back to the dorm. Rayner didn't say anything and let Gab follow.

"What are the expectations?" Gab asked quietly as they walked.

"Just to watch a movie together," Rayner replied, matching Gab's volume, "possibly not to snitch on each other if we bring in food."

"No, I mean," Gab started but took a deep breath before finishing, "after."

"Whatever we are comfortable with," Rayner said softly, "I'm good if it's just late to walk back to campus."

Gab simply nodded.

The next RiverBEND meeting had Rayner pause in the entranceway. The group expanded back out to what it had been the first couple of meetings and a lot of new faces showed up. Lilith and Rayner sat at the back though and watched. Gab passed again saying he still wasn't comfortable joining. Both Rayner and Lilith were disappointed by how few wolves were there. The only new one was an overly flamboyant wolf whose electric blue head fur matched his pants. Apparently, he was an alumnus. Neither Lilith nor Rayner seemed to think that helped him but Tim did and the two seemed to disappear at some point close to the end of the meeting.

Time seemed to speed up to Friday evening before even Rayner was ready for it. He showed up to the dorms early and Gab came down in a rather interestingly branded polo shirt and pants. Rayner had put on what were technically three-quarter black shorts but they had very few pockets so in his mind it was like formal dress. He did have a bag of liquorice hidden in one where he had parted his leg fur so that the bag rested snuggly against him.

The two had agreed to eat beforehand so they took the train downtown to the movie theatre. When they arrived they waited for the gates to open before they even got close to the entrance. The movie was an old love story set in the modern era. Rayner called it a reboot with extra steps and Gab had a hard time stifling a laugh out of it. They were just happy it was a canine story. There was a feline drama that was out that was supposed to be both scandalously bad and impossible to sit through. For some reason, it had a surprisingly long line.

Rayner bought an extra-large orange soda to share before going in and wondered loudly how triple the volume cost less than a dollar more than the small. The teenager in the back never answered. The poor hound looked soulless, bored, and greasy. Rayner wondered if the grease was from working so close to the popcorn machine or just personal hygiene.

When the movie started, the theatre became almost pitch black as the sound system kicked into high gear. Gab held himself and fidgeted until Rayner held out an open paw on the armrest. Looking Rayner in the eye, Gab swallowed and took it in his own and held it. He was shaking slightly. Rayner held his paw tight, pulled out the liquorice he had stashed away and offered him one. Gab took one tentatively.

The movie was a bit hammy for Rayner's liking but he felt he was starting to fall for the characters by the end. Actually, it was after Gab had leaned over and rested his head on Rayner's shoulder that he started to get more invested. They shared the soda and the liquorice throughout the movie. Rayner felt a small pleasure drinking out of the same cup as Gab. The big climax of the story came with a lot of whines from the audience of which Rayner surprised himself as being a part of. Gab had whined too and Rayner hugged him tightly.

Before leaving, both Rayner and Gab had to use the washroom after that soda. They talked about the movie on the train ride home back to campus and both said it was a lot better than they had expected. They hated the male lead in the beginning and still felt that even in the end that he needed a lot of work. Both sort of admitted that they were jealous of the lead's cocky attitude.

"It's not fair," Gab complained, "How is someone so dumb, that confident?"

"I know a couple of wolves but I don't think asking them would be all that helpful," Rayner chuckled.

"Yeah," Gab sighed, "I'd just get a black eye if I asked Dallas that. I need to be more like you."

"Oh?" Rayner asked.

"Muscly," Gab explained and lifted his arms.

"I'm a toothpick compared to a lot of the Pack," Rayner laughed, "Every feast, they seem to try and feed me something ridiculous."

"I'd love something like that," Gab said with a smile, "Big family with lots of food. I mean, lots of food I don't have to make myself. Probably wouldn't take us dating well, but still."

"So, you still willing to say we are dating?" Rayner teased quietly as they got close to the dorms. Very few were out at this time on a Friday. Most were still at the bar and the responsible ones were at the cafes. They were drinking like they were at the bar but it was March.

"More than ever," Gab said quietly. He was biting his lips and rubbing his arms as he walked but Rayner felt like he couldn't comfort him until they got to their spot. They walked up almost all the way to the door before Rayner pulled Gab to the side.

Hidden beside the dorms and taking his cue from the movie, Rayner held up Gab's muzzle and kissed him lightly in the darkness. Gab moaned softly and moved closer. Wrapping his arms around Rayner, Gab pressed himself tightly against the wolf he liked and breathed deep. Rayner finally wrapped his other arm around Gab and smiled around the kiss. Rocking gently back and forth, they nuzzled each other gently in the darkness until a being walked by. They moved apart a bit even though they knew the being didn't see them.

"I hope this isn't too much," Rayner whispered tentatively as Gab looked at him again, "but, if you're interested, we could hang out and keep talking at my apartment for a while."

"That'd be fun," Gab said with a big smile.

"Yeah," Rayner whispered excitedly, "and if we get bored, I could stream something on my laptop. Another movie? I have a bunch of books? That'd probably be weird, though."

"No, that'd be fun," Gab said as he nodded, "Just something low-key and simple. I'd like that."

"Really?" Rayner basically chirped before clearing his throat self-consciously, "I mean, cool. If you want we could get chips or something. More pop?"

"No, I mean no, umm, thank you. I don't think I could have any more," Gab admitted quickly, "I wasn't expecting to drink that much."

"Well," Rayner whispered as he pointed toward the path, "I'm by the east side of campus next to this old-looking building. It has a sign but I honestly have never looked it up."

The two wolves walked rather awkwardly the five minutes to Rayner's apartment complex talking about mostly random subjects. They started on weird buildings on campus, the Box being one of the top confusions, and then went back to talking about the movie after trying to find other subjects. Gab commented on the female lead a couple of times, saying what he'd do in her position before going quiet and apologising for saying anything. Rayner smiled at him when he did and tried to ask follow-up questions the best he could.

As they were entering the complex, Rayner heard Jack, his roommate, talking loudly with a group of foxes that he probably knew. A quick glance and Rayner saw the tiny thing drinking a beer in an alcove beside the entrance. Thankfully, Jack didn't see him and Rayner tried his best to get inside before he did.

Gab waited in the hallway as Rayner opened the door and looked inside. The two cats had to be in their rooms, one had her music blaring and the other sounded like she was watching something. It smelt heavily of fish. Neither of them had much fur and since they came back they had stayed in more often than Rayner was used to. February had been cold.

Wiping their paws, Rayner and Gab snuck quietly into Rayner's room with no one else being the wiser. Inside, Rayner tried quickly to clean up a bit. The room wasn't dirty but not having to share it with anyone else, Rayner had let it get disorganised. Gab mostly watched, standing by the entrance and holding his arm with his other paw.

"Sorry," Rayner whispered, "I thought it was cleaner."

"Significantly cleaner than home," Gab whispered back, "lot less fur on the floor and this is bigger than the room I have to share."

"Yeah?" Rayner chuckled as he threw a bunch of clothes, mostly underwear in the laundry bin he had in the corner, "Right, the dorm. I was in that building last year. Made it tough to date."

"I don't even know if both of us would fit in my room," Gab said absently, looking around the room.

"Yeah, it's hard to get chairs even in here," Rayner chuckled. Circling back to the movie as he sat down on his bed and looked up at Gab, "It'd be a lot easier with a room like Davin did."

"Could you imagine?" Gab whispered, a faint smile forming on his muzzle as he did, "Forget what was in it, just the space would be amazing. That could have been a three-bedroom apartment and then some."

"It'd be fun to whisk someone away to there," Rayner whispered back.

"After a night of dancing," Gab whispered wistfully as he took a deep breath in.

"Do you dance?" Rayner asked quietly as he got up trying to gesture to Gab to follow him.

"No, I couldn't," Gab whispered awkwardly, rubbing himself again but he kept his smile, "Never could. Can you?"

"The Pack has dances probably four times a year," Rayner whispered as he tried to get Gab's paws and to open up a bit, "I'm not great but most of the girls I learned with were a lot bigger than me. Some of them are really simple though. I'll show you."

"Rayner," Gab whispered faintly as he let Rayner place his paws on Rayner's side and shoulder. He never tried to stop but Rayner noticed that he started panting softly at the touch.

"Then it's just move your paws back and forth like this," Rayner whispered as he showed Gab, rocking his hips a bit and swaying into it but keeping a decent amount of distance between them. The music coming in from the other rooms wasn't helpful and whatever was going on in the living room was loud but they made it work. Gab slowly tried to follow and eventually was able to mimic Rayner's movements until they got synchronised. Smiling, Rayner whispered, "There you go, that's basically the ballroom dance they were talking through."

"Didn't they do a twirly thing?" Gab whispered, still trying to follow Rayner's paws. Rayner smiled and set Gab up for a slow twirl around. He got it well enough but it wasn't smooth or elegant. Not intending to, Rayner pulled Gab back into the dance but this time a lot closer than they were before. Letting a shaking breath out, Gab whispered, "And they kissed."

Lifting his paw up like Davin did in the movie, Rayner cupped Gab's muzzle and leaned in for a kiss. Gab let a small moan escape his lips as Rayner held him firmly, his left paw supporting Gab's back and his right gently rubbing Gab's neck. With Gab's muzzle open, Rayner even got bold enough to slip his tongue in just enough to touch the top of Gab's mouth behind his teeth and drag it back out. Gab let out another moan as Rayner parted from him and gave him a gentle nuzzle.

"How was that?" Rayner whispered gently.

"It was," Gab let out the shakiest whisper Rayner had ever heard before looking down at himself and swallowing hard. Breathing hard, Gab looked around before looking at Rayner and whispering, "Rayner, I think I can feel you."

"That okay?" Rayner whispered gently, realising this close that he could feel that the front of Gab's shorts were quite a bit tighter than they were, "I can feel you too. We're just dancing. We don't have to do anything else."

"Rayner," Gab whispered, "you're... very, like, full."

"Gab, I'm just happy to be with you," Rayner explained carefully,

Gab said something that Rayner didn't catch and trialled off just before the front door to the apartment slammed shut. The squeaking of a bunch of drunk foxes started complaining loudly about the bar they were probably thrown out of. Rayner groaned and rolled his eyes. How Jack managed to drink as much as he did was no small wonder or cost. As Jack and his friends got louder, Gab's hold on Rayner tightened.

"Oh fuck, Rayner!" Jack complained loudly. Rayner's face fell to the point where he contemplated growling but thought better of it. The fox never thought better of anything though, "Wash yourself if you're going to strike out that hard or go find something to tie."

"Shut it, Jack," Rayner yelled out a warning as the foxes outside his door started laughing. Letting go of Gab, Rayner pushed a five-pound weight against it as a doorstop. Letting Jack see them like this was the worst possible outcome in Rayner's mind.

"What?" Jack basically cackled, "Did I hit a hard spot?"

"Doubt I'd feel it," Rayner called back, shaking his head.

"That what she said?" Jack continued laughing as his friends gave out some stupid-sounding whooping noises. When Rayner didn't respond, Jack added, "Try not to stink up the place while I'm gone you lonely bastard."

"Because some drunk fox hasn't already achieved that!" One of Rayner's other roommates shrieked. At that volume, Rayner couldn't tell which one it was. "I have lived with stoners less rank and stupid as you are!"

"Fuck you, Cade!" Jack yelled back. Rayner nodded silently after hearing her name.

"You aren't my type, you dumb, shit-stained, feather duster," Cade screamed at him, "And even if you were, I have lipstick in my purse that's more satisfying than you could hope to be."

"Fuck off!" Jack shrieked, his friends sounded like they were laughing so hard they were having problems breathing. The fox didn't make another reply but sounded like he pushed them out and slammed the front door behind him. After a couple of seconds of quiet, Rayner heard the front door open back up and Jack's voice almost echo throughout the apartment, "I wouldn't fuck a cat if you paid me!"

"You're hard to want, Jack!" Cade laughed, "You shouldn't play hard to get!"

The front door slammed a couple of times but once things got quiet again, they seemed to stay that way. Rayner let go of a breath he wasn't aware that he was holding in and relaxed. It wasn't as stupid as home but it was just as loud.

Glancing over to where Gab had been though revealed a wolf curled up in the corner holding his tail. A tightness reformed in Rayner's chest. Gab was visibly shaking. Rayner moved less than an inch before he saw Gab's eyes go wide and the wolf flinch away.

"It's okay," Rayner whispered, "He's gone. Not that Jack can really do anything."

"I shouldn't be here," Gab whispered.

"What, no," Rayner stammered before asking, "Why?"

"I smell," Gab whispered, looking down at himself, "And you're."

"Gab, look I know how I smell and I know that I'm, was at least, umm, excited," Rayner cut in before Gab could continue repeating, "But that's not why I invited you here."

"Rayner, I smell so bad," Gab whispered even softer, "He's right."

"No, Gab, you don't" Rayner tried to argue and reach out to see if he could touch Gab's foot paw. The gentle touch knocked Gab a bit but the wolf was at least looking at him now. "You're safe Gab. It's okay. I'm not like that. Him."

"You sure?" Gab asked as he watched the door.

"Here," Rayner whispered, pulling Gab with him toward the door. Swaying back and forth, Rayner pushed his back against the white-painted wood and pulled Gab with him until the two wedged the door closed. Gab whimpered slightly as Rayner ran a paw behind his ear and asked, "Safe and sound, right?"

"Safe and soundless," Gab whispered back, putting his head into Rayner's neck and hugging him tight again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. Wolves don't cry," Gab sounded like he was reassuring himself. Rayner felt himself hold the wolf tighter.

"In public," Rayner added. Gab glanced up at him obviously trying to hold himself together.

"I'm sorry," Gab whimpered quietly.

"No, Gab, wolves don't cry in public," Rayner repeated, "Crying isn't a bad thing but if this is too public for you I can help you back to your dorm. If it's not, though, I'm here for you."

"Rayner," Gab silently whined as he pressed his ears back.

"It's okay," Rayner whispered, "This is a lot. I'm sorry that this is a lot."

Gab only nodded as he leaned in and hugged Rayner tightly. Gasping faintly was the only real sound that left Gab for a couple of minutes as the wolf broke down. Rayner felt terrible. This wasn't the way he had imagined this night should have gone and he felt like he should have known this was a possibility.

The two didn't talk much for a long while. Rayner held Gab close when he could and rubbed Gab's ears or his back when Gab seemed to want space to catch his breath. It was the closest Rayner had ever felt like he had been with someone. He wished it wasn't the case.

"You know I'm not like him right?" Rayner whispered once things were far past calm and quiet again.

"What?" Gab asked quietly, pulling back a bit and looking at Rayner.

"I'm not looking just to hook up with someone," Rayner explained, "And I'm not like Kacy where it's just a race to get tied up."

"I think so," Gab whispered, glancing down at Rayner's chest, "It's just hard to know what things mean. Everything is just so, I don't know, it's hard to know what to do. I just don't want to fuck this up."

"I don't either," Rayner agreed, frowned and then rephrased before Gab could say anything, "I don't want to either. Not that I think... Said that wrong." Frowning to himself, Rayner complained, "Taking's hard."

Gab let out a soft giggle.

"Look, about before," Rayner let out a sigh, "Just because we can smell each other doesn't mean we have to do anything. Same with feeling. I'd honestly just like a simple night. If you're still up for another movie, I'd love to sit together. Possibly snuggle like at the theatre."

"That'd be nice," Gab answered with a nod and hesitantly looked at the quickly made bed.

"I have my parent's streaming account," Rayner explained, following Gab's eyes, "If you want I can grab a chair from the living room?"

"No, you said cuddling and a movie," Gab whispered, almost to himself, "I'd like that. I'm just being stupid."

"No, you aren't. You have a boundary. I get that," Rayner gently whispered, "Know if even if we were in our fur, it'd still just be cuddling and a movie until we decided to do more. A good wolf protects those around him."

"You'd be the first I'd know that does," Gab scoffed, louder than either of them had expected. Tilting his ears back and tucking his tail, Gab stared at the door for a couple of seconds. Rayner frowned at the statement but knew without Jack here, Melissa and Kade would not have heard him. Kissing Gab's forehead, Rayner moved away to grab his laptop and set up the movie. Gab asked in a hushed whisper as he touched the spot, "What was that for?"

"Because you deserve better wolves in your life," Rayner responded, "You shouldn't be the only one sacrificing."

"Rayner," Gab whispered and walked slowly to the bed and climbed to the far end, "I'm in university, my family is sacrificing a lot to have me here. And here I am using it to find a boyfriend."

"You earned your place here," Rayner argued gently, sitting down beside Gab and hugging him firmly, "You applied, you got the scholarships, and you would have gotten your own loans if you could have. With your grades, you could have gotten a better boyfriend."

"You're good enough," Gab laughed before putting his paw on Rayner's shoulder and rubbing his muscle, "Plus you could beat the shit out of my brother if it came to that."

"That a turn on?" Rayner asked curiously.

"No," Gab meeped, almost sounding like a fox as he grabbed his own muzzle but admitted shortly after, "it's just nice having someone on my side for once."

"Sure, sure," Rayner whispered, holding Gab close, "You have a movie in mind?"

"You foof," Gab grumbled to himself.

"I don't think that's on here," Rayner whispered, purposely searching what Gab had said.

"I'm open," Gab whispered as he shook his head, "Nothing gory."

Rayner offered three choices and let Gab pick the one he liked the most. The two got comfortable with Rayner's laptop on his lap and Gab resting his head on Rayner's shoulder. Rayner wasn't sure what time it was nor did he really care. It was just nice to be with Gab like this in the dark of his bedroom with a gentle breeze of the cool night air coming through his window.

The movie was a simple action movie that didn't need to be followed to understand the plot. Rayner figured they had both already seen it but it was nice to just have an excuse to be close. He figured Gab was just listening to it considering his head was completely tucked into Rayner's neck.

"I love you," Rayner heard a faint whisper come from Gab when there was a lull in the action.

"I love you too," Rayner whispered back, hugging Gab tightly and rubbing his ear as they lay together.

Gab let out a rather long, ragged breath as he pressed himself into Rayner. He said something that Rayner missed but they didn't say anything else, only hugged and snuggled. After Rayner dozed off the first time to find Gab asleep on his shoulder, Rayner put the laptop away with the movie not even half done. Gab mumbled something every once in a while which made Rayner fall back asleep smiling.

--

The next thing that Rayner registered was when the sun hit him as the two woke up in Rayner's cramped double bed. Gab was laying half on top of Rayner with his head resting on Rayner's neck. When Rayner realised Gab was awake when the wolf was looking around and trying to get his bearings.

"Everything okay?" Rayner asked, letting go of Gab and letting him just rest on his side, still hugging Rayner.

"Hmm?" Gab asked, sounding very groggy, "Yeah, what? I'm... I think."

"Me too," Rayner chuckled and nodded sagely.

"Actually, Rayner, last night," Gab whispered, "you said we didn't have to do anything even though we felt each other."

"Of course," Rayner whispered back, suddenly realising he could feel Gab against his thigh. "Ah, oh. Yeah. Gab, we don't have to do anything until you are ready."

Gab let out a really shaky breath but relaxed into the hug. Rayner couldn't stop himself from doing the same. He could feel Gab even more now and Rayner's body reacted to the pressure but he was still in his shorts and they kept him protected enough not to worry about too much sensation.

They lay there, letting the morning sun slowly rise through the window and relaxing in each other's embrace. The morning adventure with the group could be put off with a text if they wanted and neither wanted to move. Gab seemed lost in the room as Rayner just enjoyed the faint smells of the two of them and a bit of home.

A door suddenly and loudly opening made Gab flinch and look up. Someone yawned in the hallway as Gab saw that their door was still closed. Rayner looked over and knew who it was. He started running his paw through the fur on Gab's back and quietly shushed him. Gab's ears went back but a small smile formed on his muzzle.

"It's just Jack," Rayner whispered, "Probably hungover."

The fox was as loud as he was smelly but he basically just slept here. On the only date, the fox brought back he ended up mating very loudly and the rest of them told him that was more than any of them wanted to hear. At least, Rayner assumed it was a date.

The noises in the apartment were becoming more apparent as they listened. Someone was in the kitchen frying something and music came from multiple different locations. Jack was in the washroom. Through the walls there was the bass of someone's music, somewhere someone was jumping for some reason, and there were the occasional loud thumps of someone moving something. Gab curled back up listening.

Jack finished whatever he was doing and headed out quite quickly like he usually did. He never said goodbye or explained but none of them did. Shortly afterwards someone was spraying something in the living room. Rayner gave a sort of a half chuckle at the sound. His other roommates were a grey cat with really short fur named Melissa and a Calico named Cade. The Calico was basically nose deaf so it had to be Melissa trying to make the place hers again. Guaranteed the kitchen would reek of fish when Rayner got near it.

"Rayner," Gab whispered softly, "I sort of need to use the washroom."

"It's just outside," Rayner whispered back, "on the left."

Gab lifted himself off and unwrapped himself from the light blanket Rayner had on the bed. Facing him, Rayner could see the obvious bulge in Gab's pants as he moved and didn't even recognize it when he started staring at it. Gab looked down and then away sheepishly.

"Sorry," Rayner whispered, shook his head, and looked toward the door.

"You said it would be safe even if we were in our fur right?" Gab whispered.

"Yeah," Rayner whispered back with a nod, "We aren't doing anything till we are ready."

"Would you be okay if I showed you something?" Gab whispered.

Rayner turned and took a deep breath in at seeing Gab. He had undone his pants and slid the elastic to his boxers down. Rayner saw the cream colour of Gab's stomach fur continued down into his waist. His sheath was the same light colour but was stretched to accommodate the glistening, leaking, deep red shaft poking out from its depths. There was a fresh scent in the air and in a moment Rayner realised that it was Gab without a filter. Rayner bit his lips, taking it all in. Looking up, he saw Gab smiling and trying to maintain eye contact.

"I love you," Rayner whispered softly and returned Gab's smile.

"I love you too," Gab whispered, burst into a bright smile, and tucked himself back.

He got up and crept toward the door and listened. Hearing no one, he opened it silently and crept out. The wolf, to Rayner's surprise, was incredibly silent. He didn't hear either door open or close and when Gab had finished there was only a second before the toilet flushed and Gab managed to get back into the room. Gab hesitated to get back into bed though.

"You okay?" Rayner asked quietly.

"I got my boxers wet," Gab admitted and looked away.

"I don't mind you being in my bed with wet boxers," Rayner whispered and chuckled, "but if you want you can wear a pair of mine. They are in the top drawer over there."

"Really?" Gab whispered, sort of taken back, "isn't that kind of gross?"

"I'd be okay if we marked my bed," Rayner whispered proudly, he thought for a second and asked, "Do you mark things?"

"You serious?" Gab whispered loudly but then covered his muzzle and looked at the door. He was silent for a couple of seconds but eventually looked back seeming to be satisfied he wasn't heard. Gab quietly asked, "isn't that dirty?"

"No," Rayner whispered, "Well, I mean yes but it's actually one of the most sterile fluids you have. The Pack is rather into reclaiming so it's almost sacred to us. Marking territory at least. Plus, it's mostly just salt... I'm going to stop talking now. "

"You aren't going to mark me," Gab whispered and almost chuckled, "Are you?"

"Only if you're comfortable with it," Rayner whispered after taking a deep breath. He hoped this wouldn't scare Gab off but he sort of wanted to be honest about it, "I shouldn't have said that. It's only an if. It's more of an act to solidify a commitment."

Gab's smile dropped when he realised that Rayner was serious. Looking around the room, he seemed to be searching for something and Rayner was worried about what.

"Not until I'm ready?" Gab whispered and held himself.

"I'd never push something like that," Rayner responded and nodded, "and you never have to be ready and we don't have to do it to make the commitment."

"What's the commitment?" Gab whispered.

"Like being together," Rayner explained, "Your mine, I'm yours, that sort of thing. The Pack calls it a Marked Relationship. We are weird though. We have lots of relationship things. Stages."

"So what are we?" Gab whispered, trying to understand as he continued to stand in the centre of the room.

"Dating," Rayner whispered hesitantly, "Hopefully. If not, weirdly close friends because I can't keep my muzzle shut."

"Rayner, I was crying on you last night. I just showed you my sheath," Gab whispered quickly and then tucked his ears even further back, "More than that. Holy shit, we really are dating. We're like actually dating."

"Yes," Rayner whispered and smiled. He tried to motion Gab back to bed but he saw the hesitation.

"Are you sure you want to be, umm, marked?" Gab asked quietly and moved his paw away from his shorts to show the finger-sized wet mark.

"Gab, it has to be fresh and there's stuff we say to each other," Rayner whispered with a smile. Gab swallowed, hesitantly climbed back into bed, laid his head on Rayner's chest and snuggled close.

"You said there were more relationship things," Gab whispered into Rayner's chest.

"Yeah, it's basically just the things between dating and being engaged," Rayner whispered and explained while he rubbed a paw through Gab's back fur, "Dating is like basically just like an intense friendship. Marked is a monogamous commitment so it's like you're seriously dating. Premated is you are trying to see if you want to make pups. Mated is you are doing stuff that could lead to it. Engaged for you are trying. Then finally, Married to us is you have a pup."

"So we can't get married?" Gab whispered quietly. He looked up cautiously but at this angle, they couldn't see each other.

"Ahh, no. No, umm, so... the way the Pack sees it is it's technically a successful cycle or two unsuccessful ones," Rayner corrected quickly but to his own surprise added, "Not like the Pack has ever had wolves like us recognized."

They stayed silent together. Snuggled in bed for a couple of moments as the realisation of what they were risking washed over Rayner. Gab looked both worried and sad at the thought of what may be coming. Rayner believed somewhere though that he would be accepted but he crashed into the thought of being kicked out again. With Gab in his arms though he felt for the first time that it may be worth it. Gab was worth the risk.

"Being in my pack won't be easy," Rayner whispered realising the mentality he was in, "and it won't be rainbows and unicorns-"

"Already is," Gab interrupted and pressed his head tight into Rayner's chest, "I haven't felt like this since mom died."

"Oh?" Rayner asked.

"Feel loved," Gab whispered quietly, "safe... weirdly hopeful."

"I'm glad," Rayner beamed, all his stupid comments aside, at least Gab was happy.

"I feel loved," Gab whispered back.

"I'm going to hate myself for saying this but," Rayner whispered and sighed, "We probably should be careful in this state."

"Why?" Gab whispered and lifted his head up, his warm smile looked like it could become a permanent fixture on his muzzle, "I feel like, for once, I could do anything. Like I'm not scared of doing anything."

"Me too," Rayner whispered and looked away, "I'd buy you the world, steal the sun away from Skoll, and give you my soul right now. I just want to stay safe."

"Safe from?" Gab chuckled and lifted his head.

"Ourselves," Rayner admitted and looked at Gab, "Gab, last night you were rather fearful at the possibility of something physical. Now you're pressed up against me. You've shown me your-"

"Last night was different, I was scared. I didn't know what you wanted. Then what Jack said hit me harder than it should have," Gab admitted, swallowed hard, and tucked his ears back. He put his head back down on Rayner's chest but kept looking up at Rayner. "Stuff doesn't unusually go well for me and when it does, something happens to make it all go wrong. I was scared you'd hurt me if I said no or worse."

"Worse?" Rayner whispered.

"Hurting me and then hating me for messing it up," Gab whispered quickly, "I feel different. I mean I owe you a lot. Like, a lot a lot but you're different. Last night was terrifying and I had a moment where I was scared my roommate would report me missing but I have nothing on my phone or email. I liked being with you. I love you. I like saying I love you."

"I love you too," Rayner whispered and scratched behind both of Gab's ears as he pressed him close, "You never ever owe me that though. But, I just, I also just don't want to do anything that we hadn't been willing to do while we weren't feeling like this."

"I'm way beyond that then," Gab admitted and snuggled close, "don't think I'll ever be normal again. Not that I was before."

"Give it time," Rayner whispered and chuckled softly. He continued to rub behind Gab's ears and listened to Gab's breathing. A door closed somewhere in the apartment, Rayner thought it sounded like the front door. Think about the time he asked, "Speaking of, what's your thoughts for today?"

"Honestly, I'm sort of excited for Adventure Saturday," Gab whispered happily. Rayner grabbed his phone to check the time. Listening for a second he realised he couldn't hear his roommates anymore.

"Well if that's the case we have about an hour to meet up at the cafe," Rayner explained in his normal voice. Gab looked around quickly and then turned his head slightly on Rayner's chest.

"They gone?" Gab whispered. Rayner nodded and then showed Gab the time on his phone. Gab lifted himself to a sitting position and rubbed the side of his head. He groaned and muttered, "I'm going to have to run if I want to get back to the dorms."

"Need something?" Rayner asked.

"I wore my good clothes last night," Gab explained, looking down at his wrinkled shirt. Rayner glanced in the direction and worried about what he thought last night. It was technically a collared shirt Gab wore even if it was branded.

"Well, we are dating," Rayner said softly, "want to borrow a pair of my clothes?"

"Rayner, no," Gab whispered and shook his head, "What if your friends notice?"

"Gab, I don't think I'd notice you wearing my clothes," Rayner whispered and sat up to snuggle up to Gab again. "If you want though I can text Josh and just say we are running late."

"Well," Gab whispered, looking down at himself. He glanced at Rayner once with his muzzle open but looked back at the clothes. He sighed once and then asked, "If it's okay-"

"Course," Rayner interrupted and kissed Gab's cheek before jumping up and grabbing a couple of options.

He only had shorts. Technically he also had a pair of black dress pants for formal events somewhere but he couldn't remember exactly where they were. In the end, Rayner grabbed shorts in a black, a grey, and a thinner red and grey pair. He also grabbed the different types of underwear he had and set them out on the bed.

"You sure you want me wearing your underwear?" Gab asked, looking at the options.

"If you're more commando that's fine too," Rayner teased.

"And dirty your shorts?" Gab almost scoffed as he looked up at Rayner.

"Go ahead," Rayner said with a smile, "you'd just make them my favourite pair."

Gab tucked his ears back and looked away but Rayner saw the smile on his face. Gab grabbed a pair of briefs and the black shorts. He hesitated for a second before looking around and then smiling at Rayner he unbuttoned the strap of his briefs that held them to his tail. Introduced to a second view of the bulging beige sheath Gab had hidden away, Rayner smiled and bit his lip.

Rayner took the opportunity and turned toward Gab to get changed himself. Unfacinening the buttons on both his shorts and his boxers, Rayner did a bit of a teasingly slow show of removing them. Gab watched intently, holding the brief he had been meaning to put on up to his muzzle to hide his smile. The almost uniform white overcoat and beige undercoat that extended over most of Rayner's body was almost completely white over his stomach and down around his now bulging sheath. Peaking out was the glistening red tip of Rayner's manhood, glowing against the white fur. It had been leaking long enough that the fur over his sheath looked wet and was pressed down in odd ways.

"You okay with me looking?" Gab whispered as he stared

"Yeah, well, you deserved to be paid in kind for your shows," Rayner whispered and slipped on his boxers. Gab lowered his head and sniffed as close to his stomach as he could and then looked up at Rayner.

"I don't smell do I?" Gab asked and looked up at Rayner.

"Yes, scared and slightly," Rayner said with a nod and Gab tucked his ears back. Rayner grabbed a spray to hand to Gab and said, "If you want something, this one smells like rosemary."

"Really? Bottle says," Gab read the label out loud and showed Rayner, "Mountain Rawr?"

"Yeah, well, trust me, I know what Rosemary smells like and that stuff smells like Rosemary with a bunch of chemicals," Rayner said with a shrug as he pulled the red and grey shorts on. Gab sprayed himself and followed suit. After a couple of minutes, they were both dressed, Rayner less dressed than Gab and switching over supplies.

Rayner jumped into the washroom quickly to clean off his neck and a bit of his shoulder where Gab had drooled on him. It was almost disappointing to do it but Rayner figured Gab would be comfortable with that. He wasn't sure if he was either. Drying off and ducking back into the room, Rayner sprayed himself sparingly with the same bottle. In his mind, at least it wasn't Pine.

---

The adventure started well but when they saw the line outside of Phoenix, a smoked meat restaurant, they decided it wasn't worth it. That was even before they saw the prices. They all looked at Gab when they heard a small whine but they quickly looked at Kacy when they realised who had made it. Turns out even a single pickle at this place was expensive.

They continued on walking, making a hard left after the restaurant and went to seek out the river valley again. Gab had a mild amount of anxiety just after they got onto the path when the thoughts of what happened the night before trickled back into his mind. Rayner was there to reassure him though, saying they were dating and everything that happened was in that scope. Gab seemed comforted by that enough but Rayner kept his eyes on him for the rest.

The group asked how their date went, of course, but neither told the full story. Either Kacy was the only one that saw that they were hiding something or Olive and Josh were being nice about it. Olive told Kacy that he should trust the pack. Rayner wasn't sure if it was for Kacy or if she had actually directed that at him.

They didn't end up eating lunch together. Josh had family coming in and he had to get back and with Gab's situation and what had happened, the others silently figured that it wouldn't be a great idea to go out spontaneously. They all said their goodbyes around the hospital and Rayner whispered to Gab they'd switch out clothes on Monday.

Back at the apartment, Rayner was alone when he flopped down onto the bed that he and Gab had shared and could still smell the sharpness of the wolf's anxiety and the musk of his arousal. Rayner moaned as he slipped off his shorts and boxers. The pillow that Gab had slept on was thankfully more musky than sharp.

"This is different," Rayner muttered to himself as he smelt his paw. Smiling he snuggled into the pillows and sighed happily.

---

Sunday passed quietly. He spent most of it organising his notes for his math classes into cue cards and study materials for later. Multiple times he picked up the phone to text Gab but worried about if the wolf needed space. The last forty-eight hours had been a lot and it had been a lot for Rayner to process himself.

Outside was starting to melt in a serious way now. The salt and gravel made Rayner's ankles itchy during a mid-afternoon walk through campus. He was trying to clear his head of worries and fears. Gab had reacted both incredibly poorly and well. Rayner wasn't sure what Gab he'd find if he ran into him right now.

He was looking forward to seeing Gab again though. As confusing and uncomfortable as Rayner's emotions were right now, Gab was worth it. He worried about how much there was to discover about himself. He also worried where that would lead and thought momentarily about the wolf with bright blue hair from RiverBEND. Would he become like that?

Rayner shook his head at the thought. There was nothing wrong with being that wolf but Rayner didn't like to stand out and with his fur own being what it was he already stood out more than enough. If anything, Rayner wondered if he could dye his fur to be more like Gabs. It would be nice to not have to worry about it.

Monday morning came with an early text from Gab saying that he wasn't going to be able to attend the study session. Rayner didn't see it until after eight, which he knew Gab would be in class for, but sent a series of texts asking if everything was okay. After class, they texted back and forth nonanswers until eventually, Rayner asked if they could just meet up. Gab eventually agreed to meet by engineering.

Sitting on a bench in a windbreaker and jeans, Gab sat hugging his books and rocking back and forth in the wind. He stared intently at the ground and looked away when other beings walked by him. Rayner sighed to himself as he walked toward the scared little wolf.

"Gab, what going on?" Rayner asked quietly as he sat down and looked at Gab.

"Nothing," Gab said quietly and shook his head, "Just can't get things sorted right."

"What things?" Rayner asked.

"Umm," Gab started but frowned at the ground. A deep breath in and he answered, "us."

"This weekend was a lot," Rayner admitted quietly, "but nothing I said has changed. Has something happened?"

"I'm just stupid," Gab muttered, "scared."

"Of?" Rayner asked quietly.

"Everything," Gab grumbled but sat up, leaned over, and whispered, "being, like this. Me."

"Yeah," Rayner whispered and nodded.

"I'm gay," Gab whispered coldly to himself as he sat still on the bench. He regained some composure a second later when Rayner touched his elbow. After swallowing hard and shaking his head, he whispered, "sorry, first time I think I've said that out loud like that."

"Hits harder than you expect," Rayner acknowledged, "at least it did for me."

"I feel like everything does," Gab whispered, "I thought I was okay but now I can't stop thinking about it. Like, I'm... gay."

"Me too," Rayner whispered back solemnly. They sat silently for a moment thinking about the world and the tenuous place they resided in it. Rayner added with a chuckle, "and I keep discovering I'm a lot more, you know, than I thought I was."

"Yeah," Gab whispered, nodded, and hugged himself, "I'm just scared of what's next."

"What is next?" Rayner asked quietly.

"With us," Gab whispered, and started to breathe quicker. Rayner nodded and put a paw on Gab's back. He didn't seem to flinch but his voice became slow, "I don't want to disappoint you, or get sick, or hurt. I just... stupid... I'm scared."

"Emotionally this probably won't help but," Rayner whispered quietly and continued to rub Gab's back, "For starters, I'm worried about disappointing you too. I haven't been with anyone like that so the chances of me getting you sick are none. We can go get tested beforehand though. It's literally just done at the hospital. As for hurt, I'm honestly trying my best not to."

"But aren't you worried about getting things after we start?" Gab asked quietly, seeming almost annoyed.

"I don't plan on sleeping around," Rayner explained and then frowned at the ground as he remembered RiverBEND's health unit, "or doing any of the other things."

"But we're gay," Gab whispered quietly, "We'll have to deal with it eventually."

"No, Gab that's not how that works," Rayner whispered and looked at Gab for a moment when he realised what Gab was implying, "Did you have a sex-ed unit in school?"

"Well yes, but I wasn't," Gab whispered and sputtered, "it was mostly about the importance of making sure it's the right time and what could go wrong."

"Did it have anything on beings like us?" Rayner asked quietly, he was now frowning.

"No, just a lot of pictures of when things go wrong," Gab whispered quietly. He held himself.

"Yeah, we need to find a book for you," Rayner groaned and rubbed Gab's back again, "You need actual information about health. Not just abstinence-only church stuff."

"It wasn't an abstinence-only course," Gab argued, "They showed us a con... wrapper."

"Okay, then why are we only supposed to use water-based products with... wrappers?" Rayner asked quietly.

"What?" Gab looked up and asked.

"Why do you use water-based products with wrappers?" Rayner asked again.

"I don't know," Gab whispered.

"Did they go through what an STI test actually was?" Rayner asked another.

"So you know what you have," Gab muttered.

"Did they talk about treatment?" Rayner continued.

"Just that some weren't treatable," Gab whispered.

"What about those that were?" Rayner asked.

"Not really," Gab answered, "No."

"Gab, they gave you fear," Rayner whispered, "but nothing to fight it with. There's a lot more than just an STI is untreatable."

"I know that," Gab whispered but then groaned, "I think."

"Have you ever tried on a condom?" Rayner asked as quietly as possible.

"No," Gab almost hissed and looked around quickly, "Why would I? I haven't been with anyone."

"You can use them alone," Rayner explained, "It's way less messy and it's to be comfortable with them or know what fits right."

"Yeah well," Gab whispered and looked away, "I'm too embarrassed to buy them anyway."

"You'll know it's the right time when you have the courage to buy one," Rayner whispered a quote from his health class in high school. He shook his head at how bland that seemed considering how many he had bought for the cycle. It sort of made sense though when he thought about it from Gab's situation.

"Have you bought them?" Gab asked quietly and Rayner chuckled to himself. Gab looked up with a frown.

"This is where the Pack is different," Rayner was hesitant to say it but he whispered, "Dad and I bought four cases of them when we went home as supplies. It was something like four hundred in total."

"That's so many," Gab gasped and went wide-eyed, "Why on earth did you need so many?"

"Technically, there were over a thousand bought for the pack this year," Rayner explained, "It was to make heat safer and result in less accidental pups."

"Wouldn't not having sex do that?" Gab asked quietly, "Isn't that tempting it?

"Yes and ish," Rayner whispered and smiled, "Gab, wolves are meant to mate in heat. It's our nature. It's what drives us. Saying just don't do that isn't effective. If it happens, our thought is be prepared."

"Are you?" Gab asked quietly.

"I am," Rayner admitted, "but again that's where the pack is different. I think when we are ready, you should bring one to me. What do you think? It makes it a clear line."

Gab stayed silent for a couple of minutes as he thought. He rocked on the bench a bit and looked out into the courtyard as or played with his books. Rayner tried his best to wait. Playing with his tail a bit he tried to think of a different way that they'd know when the right time was but couldn't come up with anything. This seemed right.

"I don't know if I can," Gab whispered slowly.

"I'm not saying do it now," Rayner whispered and held tightly, "or next week or next month. We can work together to build up to when we are ready. You aren't alone in this."

Gab nodded, let out a long breath, and curled inward. Rayner worried that the wolf really did think he was alone. Gab was still holding Rayner's paw though. Somewhere inside Gab, Rayner hoped that the idea of actually being supported by someone was growing or at least becoming more comfortable.

Students of all sorts started to crowd the pathways as they sat holding paws on the bench. It didn't change anything. Rayner didn't see anyone even notice them or look. Everyone was in their own busy lives, with their own problems to deal with, and had neither the time nor energy to notice the two gay wolves on the bench. Rayner smiled to himself after the flow seemed to lessen.

"We can still make it to the cafeteria if you're interested?" Rayner offered as Gab looked out into the courtyard, "We could just-"

"No, I'd like that," Gab interrupted and looked up at Rayner nodding slightly, "If it's okay. I don't want to intrude on your friends."

"Of course," Rayner said and got up. He stretched a bit and twisted his back around to try and get the numbness of sitting on a wooden bench for an hour out. Gab sort of did the same but idly looked at Rayner's paw while feeling around his own when he was done. Rayner smiled and added, "Actually, you and Josh have more classes together than any of the rest of us."

"It's just the two this semester," Gab said quietly. Rayner grabbed his bag and then reached out carefully to see what Gab would do. Gab looked around and whispered, "Rayner?"

"We were holding paws for the last half hour," Rayner explained quietly but let his arm drop back down to his side, "Lilith may be right on how everyone's too busy with their own lives to care about anyone else's. But if it's not the right time yet then that's okay."

They walked separately to the cafeteria. There Josh and Olive had already arrived and Kacy showed up a couple of minutes after Gab and Rayner. Josh asked if Gab was alright since he was rather silent in their class together. Gab explained just that he had a lot on his mind. They mostly worked peacefully after that.

Rayner noticed after they started that Gab reached out under the table for Rayner's paw. Taking it quietly, he squeezed it firmly and then brought down the two to rest on his leg. Gab took a deep breath and smiled to himself. Rayner noticed Olive smiling at the two of them from across the table and gave her a timid smirk.

Time passed too quickly for Rayner from that point on. Reading the textbook and taking notes while holding Gab's paw was more pleasant than he had expected. It wasn't active like kissing was but more like a low-level calm that felt right.

After they packed up, Rayner had Gab follow him to the bookstore on campus. He didn't remind him about the book that he was about to buy and it only hit Gab when Rayner picked it up off the shelf. It was a pretty straightforward book about sex and sexuality directed at male canines that RiverBEND had brought in. The book was part of a collection done specifically to species and gender.

"Rayner?" Gab whispered loudly as he followed Rayner, "Rayner, I don't... Rayner!"

"Gab, I told you I was getting you a book," Rayner explained as he walked to the till. The attendant, a short, large tabby was looking at her phone when he put the book on the counter upside down. He hoped she didn't look too hard. She didn't actually look at all having picked up the barcode scanner and reading it through without looking away from her phone.

"Twelve, thirty-seven whenever it's ready," the tabby droned. Rayner handed her a twenty from his wallet and to his surprise, she scoffed at it, "Do you want change? Wait. No. Hang on."

She shook her head as she pushed the cancel button on the reader a couple of times and then took a hard look at the register. After finding the button that opened it she quickly counted out the correct amount and put it on the counter in front of Rayner. She put the book in a bag as Rayner collected his change and she went back to her phone without a word.

"Did she ask if you wanted change?" Gab asked when they got out of the store. He was staring back into the store at about where the registers were in shock.

"I assume she's a waitress somewhere?" Rayner shrugged and handed the bag to Gab, "Here, I skimmed it at RiverBEND and there's a lot in it that is actually very frank and useful."

"You didn't have to," Gab muttered quietly as he took the bag. He looked at the outline of the book uncomfortably. "I could have bought it."

"It's a present; you like knowledge," Rayner explained, "and I can't seem to stop triggering your anxiety or saying stupid things but I'm really hoping this will help. Or at least give us a path to follow. When you're ready."

"Thank you," Gab whispered, smiling but trying not to.

"You're welcome," Rayner said and scratched his arm, "If there's anything in there you want to talk about let me know. The Pack is rather pushy about this stuff in some regards."

"I will," Gab whispered and nodded, "Rayner, I actually need to go but, umm, I haven't been able to wash your clothes so they're still at the dorms. I'll try-"

"Don't worry about it," Rayner whispered, "if you want I can wash them or whenever you get them to me is good. I'll text you later."

"Okay," Gab said, waved, and started walking toward the dorms.

Rayner gave a small wave back and watched him go around the corner before heading toward his next class. In the hallway, he thought to himself that it would be better if he could wash his own clothes. Gab's scent would still be on them then.

Rayner finished the rest of that day and went to bed after supper that evening with a light feeling and a full stomach. He read for a bit before letting the phone rest on his chest as fell asleep. Rayner always figured he could plug it in in the morning while he was getting ready anyway. Close to midnight though it buzzed him awake quickly. Groaning, he saw a text from Gab.

"I'm so sorry for texting this late but if you're awake I think I need help."

"Gab what happened?" Rayner asked instantly after Gab picked up his call.

"One sec," Gab whispered, there was a bunch of light fumbling in the background for a couple of seconds and then a door shut. "I'm so sorry. I just... I read the book and I think I had something."

"Okay," Rayner answered slowly, as he rubbed his head.

"Page eighty-four," Gab said hesitantly.

"Gab, I don't have the book," Rayner explained and rolled his eyes, "or have the pages memorised."

"Oh," Gab muttered, Rayner heard fumbling again and then his phone buzzed. Looking at it he saw Gab had texted him three letters, UTI, and then he heard Gab start talking again, "it says I should have gone to the doctor but I didn't. It just sort of went away. There's other stuff in here that says some things seem to go away but don't actually."

Rayner put the phone on mute and groaned louder than he expected. He was sure Gab was probably in a poor state but he was actually really tired. Taking a couple of deep breaths he unmuted his phone and tried to interrupt Gab.

"Gab, how long ago did you have the UTI?" Rayner asked.

"When I was thirteen," Gab whispered into his phone. Gab thankfully couldn't see Rayner's eyes go as wide as they did or his sheer exhaustion at that statement. After a short pause to do the math in his head, Gab added, "I think, so like five or six years ago."

"How long did it last?" Rayner asked. He was pretty sure he knew where this was going and sighed.

"Less than a day," Gab whispered, "maybe a day at most."

"Do you have any other symptoms that they list?" Rayner continued.

"I don't think so," Gab muttered, "or I'm not sure."

"Thirteen?" Rayner asked more himself than Gab in his blurry state, "was it around the same time you... I think the book refers to it as discovering yourself?"

"Yes," Gab faintly said.

"Were you cleaning yourself regularly afterwards?" Rayner asked quietly.

"Maybe, I think so?" Gab whispered, "It was a long time ago. I can't really remember. I can remember the feeling of having this though."

"Yeah, like pissing hot sauce was how it was described to me," Rayner said and rubbed his eyes, "Gab it just sounds like it was hygiene related. Especially if it went away that quickly."

"But," Gab whimpered quietly, "What if it wasn't?"

"Meet me at the hospital tomorrow," Rayner said as he fought through the haze, "We'll get tested together. You'll know. We'll know. Then we can be safe together. Okay?"

"I, uh, yeah... Yes?" Gab tripped over his words as he whispered, "I'd... that'd be good. Right?"

"Yes," Rayner said and nodded to himself, "It'd make us safe."

"But you don't think I have," Gab whispered, "anything."

"No, Gab, you definitely have an anxiety disorder of some sort," Rayner muttered into his phone and then yawned, "sexually though, I highly doubt it. I have a cousin that gets a UTI like yearly and he's only ever been with himself."

"You sure?" Gab whispered.

"Well, maybe a pillow," Rayner hedged, "but I'm not sure if he's that charismatic."

"Jesus Rayner," Gab chuckled into the phone, "I meant... you know?"

"Highly, highly doubt it," Rayner reassured, "I'd hug you if you were here. I'll see you at, can you do eight?"

"Yeah," Gab whispered.

"Okay, eight outside the hospital," Rayner confirmed, "Even if anything comes back, we deal with it together. I love you, think peaceful thoughts, and sleep as well as you can."

"Thank you," Gab whispered, "I love you too."

Rayner heard the line click and then go dead. Groaning as he relaxed into his pillow he wondered if this was worth it. This book was supposed to help. Rayner guessed in a way it did. Technically it brought out something that Gab had been probably bothered by for some time but had forgotten about. Sleep desperately took Rayner shortly afterwards that thought.

--

Rayner woke up naturally the next morning to the sounds of his roommates moving around. The midnight phone call seemed like something between a dream and a bad high school play he wondered if he had to sit through once. His phone said seven-thirty but that didn't bother him at that moment. It wasn't until he checked his messages and saw one from Gab saying he was leaving the Dorms that he bolted upright and out. A quick brushing, both teeth and fur, and a set of shorts later he was out the door without food or coffee. He jogged the best he could the entire way to not be late.

Gab was standing anxiously outside the triple set of front doors to the hospital. He was holding what looked like the bag that the book came in and his side bag. Perking up when he saw Rayner running, he started walking toward him.

"Sorry," Rayner huffed, "I slept in a bit."

"No, I'm sorry," Gab said, looking back and forth between Rayner and the front door, "Thank you for this."

"Yeah," Rayner breathed out and walked with Gab, "let's see how long it's going to be."

Reception was only a couple of minutes but sent them to a secondary reception desk on the third floor. Rayner hadn't said specifically what he wanted but eventually got to the desk that they needed. He had to ask specifically when they got to the second desk though. Gab looked away and around as much as he could. Thankfully there were spots open soon enough that they didn't feel like leaving. They were told to fill out a set of forms and to call beforehand next time just in case.

After filling out the forms, they handed them in and waited silently. Gab sounded like he was focused entirely on breathing smoothly. Rayner tried his best to be there for him but worried with how many other beings were in the room that Gab wouldn't be okay with touching. Some of the beings looked rough to Rayner. There was a rather large Jaguar, Rayner wasn't sure, that was missing patches of fur from scars.

They went in about a half-hour later. Gab was called in first, much to Rayner's appreciation. Rayner went to another room about five minutes later and was met by a nurse that asked a series of very blunt questions in a rather rapid succession. He was felt, poked, prodded, swabbed and had blood drawn. He was then handed a pamphlet about a vaccine and then told he'd be called in a couple of days to come back for results.

Outside, Gab and Rayner sort of looked at each other in shock at what they went through. It was by far the most personal exam either of them had had. Gab looked like he was trying to talk but couldn't get there.

"That was different," Rayner eventually said.

"Yeah, she touched me everywhere," Gab muttered, the gate holding back his thoughts breaking open, "like everywhere. I didn't even think that a doctor could take so many swabs or samples or whatever there was. It was just move here, do this, and then there was a cotton swab shoved somewhere. I didn't think it would be like that. I mean, it was thorough. That should be good but good lord."

"Did you get the handout?" Rayner asked and pulled out the vaccine sheet.

"Oh yeah," Gab said and pulled out the sheet, "are you getting it?"

"Yes, Pack is rather blunt about it and if I'm eligible it makes sense," Rayner explained and sort of hand waved it, "Plus, less cancer is always good."

"Okay," Gab said with a nod, "Do we just go to the pharmacy then?"

"Probably," Rayner guessed and checked his phone, "it opened like two minutes ago so we can just head there."

"Oh, like now?" Gab asked, surprised, "Like right now?"

"I just figured we get it done?" Rayner explained but then looked over at Gab, "Do you have time?"

"Yeah," Gab said and nodded, "I guess. Just getting it done sounds good. Right? I got stabbed this morning already anyway. Why not do it again?"

"Okay," Rayner announced and then started walking, Gab sort of had to jerk out of his state but followed Rayner, "Did you ask about your issues?"

As they walked, Gab talked about how he was scared enough that he couldn't get any of the answers out. The nurse was nice but she didn't wait for him. Rayner said he was barely able to keep up with what the nurse was asking. He worried a bit that he sounded like he slept around a lot but the nurse didn't seem to react.

At the pharmacy they showed the sheets, the pharmacy told them to sit down and fill out more forms, and then they waited. Gab said thank you quietly before the pharmacist called him in, Rayner smiled and told him it was what they should do regardless. Gab came out and put his coat back on and Rayner went in. The needle was small and Rayner felt uncomfortable but it was mostly just nerves. After having blood drawn he didn't really even feel the anxiety though. He was told to go back to the waiting area and then to come back in a couple of months for the second dose.

After their fifteen minutes were up they walked into the hallway and followed each other to the cafeteria. Neither of them knew which one wanted to go there first but they ended up anyway. Rayner got two breakfast wraps and a thing of fries to share with Gab. Gab grabbed a sandwich from the university-run outlet.

"Trade you half your sandwich for a wrap?" Rayner offered, "Like the soup?"

"You don't have to," Gab said tentatively.

"It's probably healthier if I don't eat these things," Rayner admitted and handed one of the wraps to Gab. Gab smiled and took it gratefully. They were really good and they filled you up. Under the table, Gab reached and grabbed Rayner's paw and squeezed it tight.

"Thank you," Gab whispered and then even quieter added, "I don't think I could have done this without you."

"You're very welcome," Rayner whispered back. He held Gab's paw as tightly as Gab was holding his as he took the first few bites of his wrap. Smiling, he realised he was a bit lightheaded from not eating and all the medical stuff. That was probably a bad idea but he wanted to be on time. Rayner wanted to be there for Gab because even after all of this, Rayner felt like Gab was worth it.

---

RiverBEND on Thursday was a bit odd for Rayner. They tried to do a social thing where they did a trivia contest of things from previous meetings. The group was split into teams at random, which meant much to Rayners and Lilith's displeasure they were put on opposite sides of the room. Neither answered any of the questions but muttered the ones they knew loud enough that others would hear. Gab thankfully wasn't there. Rayner had asked but Gab said he was going back to the dorms to sleep.

Rayner filled Lilith in on how his relationship with Gab was going. She seemed interested. When Rayner expressed whether dating someone with that much anxiety was a smart idea she told him that it entirely depends on whether he was able to live with Gab as he was right now. Something about what someone loves is usually the reason they end up separating. Rayner didn't know because they didn't live together. She told him to enjoy it till that point then.

Much to Rayner's disappointment, neither he nor Gab got a phone call on Friday and because of the weekend, he realised that it was going to slide into Monday at the earliest. Gab seemed okay though. On both the group meetups, Gab tried his best to participate and even had a rather long conversation with Olive on Saturday.

Aggravatingly, the call came in for Rayner during Monday's study session. An older gentleman said it was just a walk-in and wouldn't take that long so just stop by at the same desk. He said the nurse would go over everything when he got there and unfortunately they couldn't give results over the phone. Rayner thanked him and hung up. Gab looked at him curiously and Rayner nodded with having to be asked. Gab got the same call five minutes later.

"Everything okay?" Kacy asked.

"Yeah," Rayner answered and shrugged, "we got checkups. Results came in."

"Ew," Kacy scoffed, "I hate doctors. Mom keeps pestering me to get a physical but that just seems weird."

"It's not weird," Olive muttered and shook her head, "Why do you hate doctors?"

"They are paid to find things wrong with you," Kacy explained, "Why would you go to them if everything's all right?"

"It's basic checkups," Olive scoffed.

"Well I haven't been to one in three years and counting," Kacy grumbled, "I'll bet you go more often."

"Every year you idiot," Olive groaned.

"Why?" Kacy asked, actually surprised.

"I'm a girl, Kacy," Olive explained, "Why do you think?"

Kacy looked at Olive then turned and frowned at the table as he thought.

"If you want to just get your results and not watch this we'll understand," Josh leaned over and whispered as Kacy made a couple of his scrunched-up thinking faces.

Rayner thanked him and got up with Gab. He was really worried Kacy was either going to guess or answer. Neither would be a good idea. He wasn't sure though if not knowing was any worse.

Outside it was wet, the temperature had increased and now most of the snow was melting fast. Smelt humid but with the road and the gravel it was almost a dusty humid. The passing cars and buses added to the mix of muggy saltiness to the air. Rayner had hated it when he first moved here but it was almost a background thing now. Today it was just highlighted by the temperature.

"Rayner?" Gab asked quietly as they walked along the side of the hospital, "What if something... well?"

"If something comes back positive," Rayner said quietly, "we'll deal with it."

"But how?" Gab asked.

"We can make a plan at my apartment?" Rayner offered, "my roommates are out until usually two-ish this semester so we'll be able to talk."

"But do we talk about it there?" Gab asked, "Just go thereafter we get done?"

"If that works for you," Rayner said, "No talking until we get to my apartment."

The hospital was a bit more packed, being around lunchtime, than it had been on Thursday. Upstairs definitely had more beings and some looked even more uncomfortable than Gab. They got in quick though. Both were called in almost at the same time. Rayner heard Gab be called just as he sat down in the exam room.

A different nurse came in this time holding a booklet of papers and an empty clipboard under her arm. She was some sort of grey, short-haired cat that looked tired but focused. Saying something as she closed the door she proceeded to mutter a bunch of stuff. Rayner tried to follow but he realised she was mostly speaking to herself.

"You Rayner Viktorsen Pinewood?" the nurse asked without looking up.

"Yes," Rayner tried to say without making it sound like a question.

"Your tests all came back negative," the nurse stated, showing him the front of the booklet but not long enough for him to read anything. Trying to put it under the arm that held the clipboard she seemed to make a noise of excitement and then said, "huh, found my clipboard. Do you have any questions?"

"No?" Rayner failed to make it sound like a statement.

"You're free to go then," the nurse stated and then left the room.

Rayner looked around the room. He didn't know if he was looking for answers or just an explanation as to what just happened. Not finding anything he headed toward the door.

He only needed to wait a couple of minutes for a happy-looking Gab to walk out of his door. As agreed they walked in silence out the front door back out into the world. Rayner was still in shock by the nurse he got.

"I'm negative," Gab whispered suddenly as they walked through an empty part of the street. He was trying his best to hide a wide smile but wasn't succeeding. Rayner smiled at him and chuckled a bit. Gab frowned after though and added, "I'm sorry, we were supposed to wait. You might-"

"No Gab, I'm negative too," Rayner interrupted, slowed down, and put a paw on Gab's shoulder, "I guess do you still want to talk at the apartment?"

"Don't have to," Gab said quietly.

"Well, if you're okay with it," Rayner said and started walking again, "I kind of want to tell you about my nurse."

They walked lightly together through campus. Neither could bring themselves to talk openly about the test and neither wanted to risk upsetting the other. Gab's smile never faded and it made Rayner's grow as they walked.

Inside the apartment, Rayner had been correct, there was no one. It smelt like fox and mildly of fish but there was no actual noise coming from within. Gab happily wiped his feet down and headed for Rayner's bedroom without prompting. Rayner followed. As they got inside and Rayner shut the door, Gab took a deep breath in and sighed.

"How are you feeling?" Rayner asked quietly as he pulled Gab into a hug from behind. Gab took a shaky breath in but didn't move.

"Like a thousand pounds has been lifted off me," Gab said quietly.

"You feel safe," Rayner whispered into Gab's eyes as hugged Gab tight.

"Yes?" Gab asked and stiffened a little. Rayner let go and came around to Gab's front. Gab looked hesitant but not necessarily scared of Rayner. At least, that's what Rayner hoped.

"I'm sorry," Rayner said quietly, "I'm still not good at this."

"No, it's... I'm," Gab started but stopped and looked at Rayner's chest for a second. He reached out and touched Rayner's fur and muttered to himself, "You trying to make me feel safe. You are safe. I know that."

"I try and be," Rayner said quietly.

"No, Rayner, if that book was right, and all the stuff I looked up afterwards and like the tests we just took... You could tie me and," Gab muttered quietly and took a deep breath in before finishing, "and I'd be safe."

"Skoll above Gab, that's quite a jump," Rayner chuckled, "I was thinking like a kiss."

"We'd be safe having sex," Gab now said entirely to himself as his breathing started to increase. Rayner stepped closed and held Gab a bit and tried to see what was going on with him. Gab looked around a bit but stopped when his nose got close to Rayner's fur. Rayner put both his paws on the sides of Gab's head and looked him in the eyes. In the silence, Gab whispered, "Rayner, we're safe?"

"Yes," Rayner whispered, "Gab, what's going on?"

"I'm just... I'm happy," Gab whimpered, "I was scared that... scared that I would get sick if I was with you."

"You won't," Rayner whispered, "sick of me, yes, but not sick because of me."

"Rayner," Gab groaned and laughed.

"You were trying to be okay with that?" Rayner asked quietly.

"Yes," Gab said quietly. His next breath out was ragged but he swallowed and continued, "Dad will kill me if he finds out what I'm doing. Being gay and sick with you was better than being alone and healthy with family."

"Oh, Gab," Rayner whispered and hugged him tightly.

"You make me feel so fucking happy," Gab whimpered into Rayner's chest, "I would have... I was trying to."

"Gab," Rayner whispered and groaned, "don't ever do that for me or anyone, okay? There are ways of staying safe even if your partner's positive."

"I just want to be with you," Gab's whimper turned into a whine.

"You have me, Gab," Rayner whispered and hugged tighter, "I love you. I'm not going anywhere."

Gab whimpered hard into Rayner's neck and shuddered at the words. Rayner relaxed his stance a bit to support Gab's weight. He figured this would be another thing to settle in for. Gab took a couple of really shallow breaths, pulled back a bit to look at Rayner, and asked something Rayner couldn't quite hear.

"What?" Rayner whispered, tilting his head so he could hear better.

"Mark me?" Gab asked barely above a whisper.

"Gab," Rayner whispered, "it's mutual, you'd have to mark me too."

"I will," Gab said quietly, not breaking eye contact but taking the most shallow breaths Rayner had ever heard. Rayner looked at him for a moment and saw the intent in those grey eyes that he hadn't seen before.

"You're serious," Rayner whispered, mostly to himself in realisation.

"Yes," Gab whispered. Rayner felt Gab's paws moving around but couldn't see what he was doing. A couple of wiggles though and Gab's shorts fell to the floor and he kicked them away. Still shaking and taking short breaths Gab swallowed and said, "I... want to... be yours."

"Go first then," Rayner said quietly and unfastened the button above his tail to drop his shorts as well, "you don't need much and after you say, Rayner Pinewood, I mark you as mine own and as my future mate."

"Here?" Gab struggled to say.

"Yes," Rayner whispered after kicking his shorts and underwear away and pressing himself against Gab, "I don't care about cleanup. I want you."

Gab nodded, and staring deep into Rayner's eyes, he focused. His breathing never actually changed from the short, shallow breaths that he was taking. He swallowed more than a few times but eventually, Rayner felt him change. A short series of uneven breaths, a strong pulse from between them, and Rayner felt his stomach become warm and wet.

"Rayner Pinewood," Gab said quietly into Rayner's eyes, "I mark you as my own and as my future mate."

"You did it," Rayner breathed out in shock and hugged Gab hard, "You actually marked me."

"Yes," Gab whispered.

Shuddering at hearing Gab, Rayner pulled back and locked his eyes on him once more. Rayner felt happier. There was a determination now that blocked out everything else. Pulling Gab close, Rayner almost shuddered a little as he marked Gab.

"Gab Wilson," Rayner said proudly, "I mark you as my own and as my future mate. We are marked."

They hugged each other hard, shuddering at the warmth that they had shared with each other. It was only a small amount and that's all they had used. The smell was what was important. Their combined scents filled the room and their lungs and together they celebrated their union as it soaked into their fur.

When they parted, they looked at each other for a moment. Gab opened his muzzle and kissed Rayner gently. Rayner smiled and kissed Gab back. Tasting and teasing each other, they began to laugh. Eventually, they ended with just a gentle hold, supporting each other as they stood together.

"How long do we stay like this?" Gab whispered, smiling brightly.

"Up to forty-eight hours," Rayner explained. Gab gasped into a cough.

"Rayner, I have class!" Gab suddenly scoffed to the point of almost choking on the words, "you have class. I live in the Dorms. Beings will-"

"Up to, Gab," Rayner laughed, "We can have a shower when we are ready."

"Oh," Gab groaned as he put his head on Rayner's shoulder and let out a long breath in relief, "Okay."

"What is it?" Rayner explained, "traditional ritual, if we were at the hall, we are supposed to walk around and tell at least the heads of the Council and the Circle. And probably my parents."

"Will they be mad if we don't?" Gab asked quietly.

"No. Dating, marking, and even premating are seen as common enough that it's really only done as an open ritual for couples that are either very young or incredibly serious about having the Pack be involved," Rayner explained, "Master Sigmund will require the dates... I think... anyway, other than that the Council and Circle are really only concerned about Mateship, Engagement, and Marriage declarations."

"Oh," Gab said quietly and nodded.

"How are you feeling?" Rayner asked, a bit worried about the response.

"I'm Marked," Gab said cheerfully, "I'm happy, floating, and happy, but I'm a bit itchy."

"Yeah, we should probably get washed," Rayner said quietly as he reached down and ran his paw through the wet mark on his stomach. He brought it up to smell it again. Behind the salt and mild earthy smell, there were the two of them. Smiling, he looked up at Gab again, who was watching in horror at what Rayner was doing. "What's with the face?"

"You're touching it," Gab whispered.

"Gab, it's urine," Rayner whispered back, "in theory, this stuff is safer to have in my muzzle than your tongue. Kind of hot to think where it came from too."

Gab looked up wide-eyed at Rayner as he realised what Rayner had said. Rayner smiled, then very slowly licked his paw clean and walked toward the shower. Gab whimpered at the sight. He looked down at the red tip that was poking out of his now bulging sheath and shuddered. Swallowing hard, Gab touched a finger to his own stomach, brought his paw up, and took a quick sniff. He couldn't quite seem to mimic Rayner's action though and eventually let his paw fall back down.

"You coming?" Rayner teased from the door. Gab flinched but then nodded and followed Rayner to get cleaned up.