A Multitude of Stars... Chapter 7
#4 of The Endless Void; Book One: A Multitude of Stars...
I stared at the silver disc under me before picking it up and rolling onto my back. The pre-dawn sunlight crept into the room from behind the closed blinds. My hands rested on my cloth-covered chest and I looked down at myself in confusion. Had I slept in my clothes? I couldn't remember. Professor Hugh appeared from his bedroom; dressed and wide awake. He was in jeans and a black t-shirt this time. The lion smiled at me as he entered the small kitchenette.
"Did you sleep well? Do you want some coffee?" he asked.
I pocketed the silver disc discretely.
"Yeah, I slept fine. I had a really bizarre dream, though."
"What was the dream about?" Hugh asked as he lifted the coffee pot with a question mark on his face.
"Oh, sure, thanks," I said, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "I don't remember the details. I just remember that it was really weird when I was having it."
"Ah, I hate it when that happens."
The clock on the microwave read five AM. Grumbling to myself, I slipped out from under the blanket and stretched. The coffee smelled good. Hopefully it would be enough to get me through the school day on only an hour of sleep. I didn't feel like I only had an hour, though. Hugh pushed a warm mug of the stuff into my hand as I came down from stretching. It was a black mug with red letters on it. I wasn't awake enough to care what it said. The coffee was delicious. Hugh sat at the glass table, turning on the television and flipping to the news. I watched him as I drank the coffee. It was almost as if he had forgotten I was there. I felt like I was looking in on his private life; getting a view of his normal morning routine. Then again, the previous night must have been a fairly personal thing for him. I didn't think he would have shared it with just anyone.
The reporter on the news was talking about a fire that had broken out in central park. They mentioned arson or something. I wasn't paying much attention. The last of the coffee slid down my throat and I licked my lips, gently putting the mug down in the kitchenette, next to the sink. Hugh's black notebook was sitting nearby. Something compelled me and I lifted the cover curiously. Several pages had been torn out and the entry on the first of the remaining pages immediately caught my eye. The lion was still distracted by the television...
"Day 3,871:
Good news came to me today in the form of a package. I had never guessed that Dunham would still care about our experiment so late in the timetable. But it is of little consequence, since the means with which to complete said experiment is now within my grasp. It has been a very long time coming and humanity will be grateful for my effort in this achievement."
The following page was that list of symbols that I had seen the night before. The disc in my pocket seemed to hum as I looked it over. I could recognize some of them, but there was no key; no translation on the page. I quickly closed the book as I heard Hugh turn off the television and I started rinsing out the empty mug.
"Almost ready to go?" He asked as he put his mug in the sink.
I nodded, drying my hands with a dish rag.
"Professor?" I asked, "Tell me honestly. Why did you bring me to that club last night?"
Hugh's face fell. His usually cheerful demeanor turned downward into an almost depressed expression.
"Honesty," he said. "That's something I have always had trouble with."
I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him; a tired, old lion.
"You remind me of myself," he finally said, looking at the floor. "And it's going to be embarrassing for me to say this, but, at your age, I was so caught up in doing well and pleasing everyone that I let my life just pass me by. I don't want you to do the same."
"Is that why you go there every night?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest.
Professor Hugh looked down at the floor. He didn't have to give me an affirmative. I knew I had guessed right.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
He looked back up suddenly, shocked and ashamed.
"Don't look at me like that," I spat. "How can you just ditch your responsibilities to go partying every night? You're a professor for crying out loud!"
"If you had any idea what I missed out on because of my poor decisions-" He began.
"Boo hoo," I dropped my arms to my sides angrily and pushed past him. "I can't believe I was starting to actually look up to you. I can't believe I was actually falling-"
My face reddened as I stopped myself and turned towards the wall. Why had I said that? Fucking tongue. My head swam and I reached for the nearby wall to steady myself. A familiar hum filled my head.
"Are- are you actually falling for me?" Hugh asked.
All of the anger and seriousness had evaporated from his voice. I clenched my fist in frustration. I couldn't believe I had outed myself so easily. I blamed the lack of sleep.
"Yes..." I said softly.
There was a long pause. I could feel heat rushing to my cheeks, burning behind my fur. The room spun. My legs buckled. Hugh's arms wrapped around me, bringing me slowly to the floor. My ears filled with the obnoxious pulsing noise and I clenched my teeth in an attempt to block it out.
"What's wrong?" Hugh asked; his face lined with worry.
For a moment I believed that he genuinely cared for me like I wanted to care for him. Something wet oozed from my left ear. I watched the lion's face turn from concern to horror.
"Is that blood!?"
His voice sounded distant, as if he was far away. I slipped a hand in my pocket while Hugh got up to grab something from the kitchen. The disc was burning in my grip as I pulled it free. My head ached. The sound was as loud as one of the club speakers from the night before. My heart sped up, thumping in time with the stampede of rhinos in my head. Blood started to dribble from my other ear as Hugh returned and wrapped a cold, wet towel around my head. I tried to throw the infernal disc across the room. I tried to get rid of it. But it only landed a few feet from me. I felt Hugh grab my head and I saw his lips move, but I couldn't hear him over the throb in my brain. He did look extremely concerned...
I... I wanted to see that face whenever I woke up in the morning. I wanted... to spend passionate nights with that face over me. I wanted... I wanted that fucking noise to stop!
And it was gone as soon as it had begun. My head gradually stopped pounding and I took four gasping breaths, trying to slow my heart down. Hugh seemed to realize that the crisis was over and he just looked down at me, worried as his hand idly rubbed my chest. I slowly sat up. The towel fell away and Hugh cringed at the sight of my ears.
"Jesus Christ, Mark. Are you going to be ok?"
"I don't... really know," I said. "Can you help me to the bathroom? I feel like I need a shower."
He nodded and slipped an arm under mine. He felt so good next to me. I could have kissed him. We were so close. In the bathroom, I saw the trail of red my blood had left around the back of my head. I gingerly pulled my shirt off. Hugh put his back to me, turning on the shower as I slipped out of my pants. It hadn't occurred to me that we said no words. It was almost as if he knew what I was thinking. I didn't even have to tell him to change the water temperature.
I sat in the shower for what seemed like eternity. The water drizzled over me, warm and soothing. What the fuck was I doing? What the fuck was happening to me? I shouldn't have said anything to Professor Hugh. I should have just settled for Ben. For the first time in a long while, I was afraid. My hands shook as I wiped water from my eyes. If it was something that I understood, would I have been as afraid of it?
"Mark, I can call the school and a hospital if you like," Hugh said from behind the curtain. "I don't want to force you to see a doctor, but... as your professor, I'd really like you to consider it."
Did I want to get checked out? It was probably for the best. I grabbed the curtain and pushed it aside as I stood. I didn't even care that Hugh could see all of my naked body. He handed me a towel and I used it, being extra careful around my ears.
"I think I should go and get myself looked over," I said.
Hugh nodded and offered to help me step out of the shower. I declined, though.
"If you want..." Hugh began, but his words trailed off.
"What?" I asked, slipping my clothes back on.
"Well I could call your father..."
"Hell no!" I spat. "He probably wouldn't even show up anyway."
The lion's ruggedly handsome features fell into a frown.
"He's your father, Mark. He would want to know that something happened to you."
"If he didn't know I was hurt to begin with, then why would he care? Please, don't call him. Let's just go."
Hugh nodded solemnly. I hated that expression on him. It made him look too old and tired.
"I'll be fine," I said, but I wasn't sure if even I believed that.
***
An hour later, I was sitting on the edge of an examination table. A human doctor was holding a scanning device up to my head. I guessed that he was of Italian decent. He had squished facial features that made him look like a caricature. The room smelled like disinfectant and latex and my wrinkling nose made it very difficult to stay absolutely still. The humming device next to my ear reminded me of that awful sound from the disc. It had to be the disc causing it, right? I closed my eyes, trying to push the memory of the pain from my mind. I was afraid that thinking about it would bring it back.
"You are a picture of health, Mr. Dunham," the doc said. "I can find no cause for the symptoms that you described."
His voice was high pitched and annoying; like he had swallowed a helium balloon.
"People don't just start bleeding from the ears," I replied.
"True, but there is no evidence of any damage to your ear drums or canals and there is most certainly nothing wrong with your brain. In fact yours is one of the more healthy brains I have ever scanned."
"What does that mean?"
"Your mind is very active. You are using more of your brain than most other individuals. I bet you are great at memorization and learning."
I looked down at my feet.
"So I've been told..."
This was getting awkward. I wanted him to grant me leave so I could rush out of the door and into Hugh's arms.
"Well you're free to go. I can't prescribe you anything without knowing what the issue is."
I dropped off of the table and opened the door.
"Thanks I guess."
When I left the office, Hugh was nowhere in sight. The waiting room had a few people in it, but there was no sign of him anywhere. The receptionist must have noticed the confusion on my face because she tapped the counter to get my attention.
"Excuse me, sir. That gentleman you came in with told me to give you this when you came out."
She handed me a piece of paper. Hugh's handwriting was scribbled onto it, reading:
"Mark, I decided to head back to campus. I should be able to get there in time for class, but I'll probably be a little late. You can go back to my apartment if you like or you can head back to campus too. I'll see you around. -Prof. Hugh."
He ditched me. That fucker ditched me!
I crushed the note in my fist as I stomped out of the waiting room. There was no way I was going back to Hugh's apartment. I wasn't in the mood to see him when he got back and I certainly didn't want to risk another episode with that damned disc. I shoved people out of the way on the street, heading for the tram station instead.
***
By the time I reached the station, the blooming rage I felt had withered and rotted into misery. My steps grew heavy as if I was a prisoner headed for the chopping block or the gallows. New Yorkers were all around me, heading to their jobs and shoving me aside with their shoulders as they passed. They treated me like nothing, which was how I felt. I was an idiot, falling for Hugh. He had no reason to want me. The fact that he knew my father made it even less likely. The anger came back, bubbling in my gut, but it was anger at myself; for my stupidity, my immaturity. I had been trying so hard to help Joel to pass the intro course, but why? There was no question that the cheetah was straight. I wanted him, though. I wanted him. Ben was a replacement for the cheetah and when Joel was outshined by the professor, my desire immediately shifted to the latest attraction. Just like a child who wanted the newest toys. I was a fucking child. I squeezed my eyes shut against the tears that threatened to roll down my cheeks like the revelation had rolled over my mind. I pushed forward through the shoving crowd until I felt the cold metal of the wall under my palm.
My forehead rested on the wall as I tried not to cry. I pressed my back against it and slid down to the floor, rubbing my eyes as if I had something in them and trying to pretend I wasn't sobbing like a bitch. My chest burned as I took ragged, gasping breaths that must have sounded like asthma to passers by. I felt retarded in that moment; emotionally lost and confused. Eventually my weeping subsided enough for me to stand back up. The throng of commuters was still rushing by like a river teeming with salmon. I loved salmon. No one had even stopped to ask if I was alright. Assholes. I leaped back into the fray, managing to shove my way to an entrance turnstile for the tram headed toward Long Island. I slid my plastic credit card through the slot on the side of the spinning machine and pushed my way through. It was dumb luck that one of the tan colored trains was waiting there; even more so that I was able to squeeze through the closing doors just before it started moving. I sat down heavily in one of the plastic seats and tried to catch my breath. Something orange caught my left eye. A handsome, older wolf in a trench coat was sitting down the car from me, but on the opposite side. His tail was orange at the tip. It was an ugly choice for a synth. I let my eyes run over his sleeping form a bit before mentally slapping myself. I was trying not to be childish.
"...Dunham?"
The voice startled me. I looked beyond the large wolf in the coat to see that Ben was sitting next to him. Fuck me.
"Hi, Ben..." I said, weakly.
There was a long, awkward silence. Ben kept looking away from me and then back as if he was trying to figure out if I was real or not. Christ, he looked like a doofus doing that. Something in me thought it was kind of cute, though. Well since I was trying to be less of a twat...
"Hey," I said. "I'm... sorry about the thing at the gym..."
He raised an eyebrow.
"You're sorry. Is that is then? You're just sorry?" He was trying to speak softly so as not to wake the wolf next to him, but his tone grew more intense with each word. "And I'm a 'thing' now am I?"
"That's not what I meant." I had never been any good at apologizing. I got that trait from my father. "Look, how about we start over. My name's Marcus."
I stood up and held out my hand to him. I couldn't tell at first whether or not he would shake it or try to bite it off.
"You can't just get a do over, you know. That's not how this shit works." He said coldly, looking away from me down the train car.
"I know I was a douche. I'm trying to make it right by apologizing-"
"Well apologizing isn't enough!" He hissed, cutting me off.
"I know..." I said. "It wasn't enough for me either..."
"What?"
"I experienced something similar to what I did to you, Ben. But it was my first time with anyone... I'm apologizing to you now because the person I was with waited months before I got an apology. I was hoping that if I did it now, you would be more forgiving than I was back then..."
I trailed off. This was fucked up. He glared at me from the seat and I was extremely thankful that the rest of the passengers in the car weren't staring at us. I sat down across from him and put my elbows on my knees, resting my chin on my palms. I don't know why I thought apologizing to him would make things fine between us. Ben startled me by leaning forward in his seat as well. Our noses were inches apart and I could feel a faint heat rushing to my cheeks.
"I accept your apology," he said. "But don't think that we're all buddy, buddy and shit now or something. I still want to beat the fuck out of you for what you did."
I grimaced and let out a long sigh as Ben sat back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. The bright morning sun flooded through the windows as the train exited the long tunnel somewhere in Queens. My stomach gurgled hungrily as the skyline whizzed by outside. I wished I had some food. Hell, even a granola bar would have been good. The wolf next to Ben stirred and rubbed his eyes as I shifted my weight. A plastic crinkling noise came from my pants pocket. That was odd. Puzzled, I reached into it and pulled out a strawberry breakfast bar. How the hell had that gotten in there? Did Hugh slip it into my pocket when we were waiting in the doctor's office? That seemed very unlikely. I shrugged to myself and unwrapped it, biting into the sweet snack. Damn, but it was good. I supposed that even a cardboard Pop Tart would have tasted amazing at that moment, though. The wolf in the trench coat was staring at me.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
"Oh, shit. Sorry," Ben said. "Sam, this is Marcus. Marcus; Sam."
The handsome wolf thrust his large hand forward and I shook it.
"Cool synth," I lied.
"Where did you get that snack?" he asked in a very deep and soothing voice.
"From my pocket."
Sam kept staring at me as the train continued down the tracks. I took a wild guess.
"So, are you, like, Ben's father or something?"
Ben's eyes widened in alarm and he started to sputter. Sam just smiled.
"No, no. We recently met," the older wolf replied.
I nodded. Something was really weird about him, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I pushed the thought from my mind. There were some odd people on the train sometimes. It wasn't anything too out of the ordinary. My eyes drooped tiredly and I yawned. The two hours of sleep I had didn't seem like enough. I slouched, the plastic backing of the seat bending my stubby, brown tail backwards, but I ignored it as I closed my eyes to sleep.
In dream I was drinking at a club. The humid atmosphere made my clothes and fur cling to my flesh as faceless people rushed by. I sat on a barstool with my back to the bar, watching the showcase of lights dancing in front of my eyes. My right arm was draped around a wolf's back, his head resting on my shoulder. I didn't have to look down to know that it was Ben. It felt like we had been lovers for a long time in that dream. Not just lovers, though. There was something more. I knew things about him; his birthday, his parents' names, where his sister was attending college, and many more things than I knew about any of my High School friends. I even knew that at sixteen he had gone to summer camp where he had let a friend of his give him a blow job. But I felt comfortable with him. Even as the pounding music of the club surrounded us and the scent of liquor and sweat filled my nostrils, I knew that I cared for him deeply; in a way that I didn't think was possible.
A human sat to my left, hunched over the bar. Several empty glasses sat in front of him.
"I envy you, man," the human said suddenly over the loud noise emanating from the speakers.
"Me?" I asked. "Why?"
"You've got someone. I've got no one. I was supposed to meet a girl here, but she ditched me."
I nodded.
"I know what that feels like," I said. "To be honest, I'll never understand women."
"Story of my life, buddy." He took his last shot and turned to face me. He seemed a bit startled by my appearance, but he shrugged it off.
"I'm Mark," I said, holding out my hand.
"Bob," he replied, shaking it.
"Maybe you just need to find the right girl," I offered. I was trying to get him to cheer up. He was a pretty sad sight.
Bob pointed out into the sea of dancers.
"It's like finding a needle in a haystack, pal. I don't even know where to begin."
As if in response, a very beautiful looking human girl emerged from the crowd and approached the bar. She was breathing heavily, but barely had any signs of sweat on her. Her scent filled my nostrils, evoking images of rose petals and spring rain. I noticed that Bob's eyes were glued to her. She leaned on the bar next to him, smiling shyly.
"Could I have a margarita?" She asked the bartender.
Bob turned back to me and I nudged him, motioning my head toward the woman.
"What-?" he whispered.
"Fucking go for it, man!" I hissed back.
"Er... make that two margaritas." He quickly pulled out money for both drinks and the woman blushed.
The two of them were soon engaged in small talk and I smiled, rubbing the back of the wolf next to me gently.
"Through playing matchmaker?" he asked.
Sam was suddenly smiling up at me from the stool; his piercing green eyes looking into mine. God damn it, he was a sexy fucker. Sure he had to be nearly twice my age, but... I would have bent over for him in a second if he asked me to. I loved the tuft of fur that stood out on his chest, his gruff voice, the way he clung to me.
"For now," I replied, kissing Sam softly on the nose.
"I'm ready to go if you are, Mark."
"Mark..."
"Mark...!"
"Mark!"
My eyes flew open to Ben shaking me awake.
"We're here," he said.
Sam was nowhere to be seen across the tram car. Ah well. Part of me had wanted him to come with us. He had probably gotten off at an earlier stop. It was difficult to forget the dream, though and my cheeks burned under my fur as I followed Ben from the car. We emerged into the bright morning sun that shone down on the platform of Academy Station. Ben turned towards me and smiled.
"So... did you want to catch a bite to eat or something?" He asked.
The nervousness was obvious in his voice. Why was he asking? Didn't he say he still hated me?
"Uh... are you asking me out?"
"Well... yeah, but... Fine," he said. "Forget I asked."
His face turned beat red and he started to walk away. I realized I was moments from fucking up my second chance to smooth things over with him. I caught up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. His natural, woody scent rolled over my sinuses. I had forgotten how good he smelled.
"Wait, Ben. I'm sorry. You just caught me off guard, that's all."
He gave me a look that suggested he thought I was crazy. Maybe I was.
"Let's just get some grub, then," I said, leading the way off the platform.