FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Eshere slurps her way through the corridors of Tik Tik's tower. In the pseudopods of the slime girl is a bound book, thick and tall, and as she carries it, her form wiggles and jiggles, and her face is scrunched from it all. Soon, she arrives at the desk in Tik Tik's study and slams the book down onto it, causing the whole piece of furniture to shake.

"That's thick," says Tik Tik, scratching her chin with her pen.

"You need to keep a log of every piece of currency you make, as well as calculate the worth of all other forms of payment," says Miss Harrison, sitting on a stool by one of Tik Tik's bookshelves. She closes the book she was reading and slides it back into place, hopping to her feet.

"Now, how long have you had a residence here?"

Tik Tik blinks and looks around. "This tower? Been a few months, yes."

"That simplifies things because our detailed record keepers want to ensure you report every year's income when you live in the country."

"What exactly count as live in," Tik Tik says. "There was time when Tik Tik bounced around different inns and paid for rooms in favors to travelers." She sighs, pressing her hand to her cheek. "Oh, swarthy and tired adventurers make for fun fun fuck fucks."

Miss Harrison tuts her, waving a finger. "Well, if you've rendered services in exchange for benefits, you'll have to note the approximate value of those services.

"When Tik Tik turn tricks for food and board, too?"

The rabbit nods.

"If I may," offers Eshere, "I've memorized many of your exploits." She pulls open a drawer and produces an abacus, flicking through it multiple times with long and tentacular protrusions from her hand.

While Eshere counts, Tik Tik turns to Miss Harrison. "That all happen when Tik Tik didn't have home, though."

Eshere pauses. "You blew that goat man for a sandwich."

"Oh yeah. Was perfect sandwich," Tik Tik says, giggling.

"And there's the time you had to ratify the trade agreement with the Duneswalkers.

"That was religious ceremony," Tik Tik says. "No part of trade, right? But can make money off that?"

Miss Harrison shakes her head. "Religious activities are exempt and contribute to society in other ways."

"Hardly seems fair," Tik Tik grumbles.

Eshere pinches the pen from Tik Tik and scribbles down a number, handing it over to the rabbit.

"Oh yes, this is quite substantial. You owe us quite a lot, Tik Tik."

Tik Tik narrows her eyes toward Miss Harrison. "How much?"

Miss Harrison produces her own blood-red pen. She licks the tip and then scratches some numbers down. "Well, we've only just looked at your income, but there are many other things we need to look at. Our societal system is quite benevolent regarding giving reprieve for good work."

Tik Tik tilts her head. "What mean?"

"Well, for instance, if you are married and file jointly and have dependents, there are deductions to the price you owe that we can make. Are you married, Tik Tik?"

Tik Tik opens her mouth and holds up a finger, but then she scratches her chin. "Hm, wait, no that not count. But maybe... ah, no, not that either."

"How many possible marriages do you have?" Eshere asks, frowning.

"Tik Tik think maybe married to her job."

"That actually doesn't count." Miss Harrison says. "How many dependents do you have?"

"Lots people depend on Tik Tik do good job."

Miss Harrison closes her eyes. "Do you have any children?"

Tik Tik blanches. "Bwa!? N-no, of course not!"

"If you support anyone too young to file taxes, that counts."

"Hm... how old, too old."

"It differs depending on the community, but it is generally 18."

Tik Tik waves her hands, kicking her feet. "No-no-no! Tik Tik no see anyone under 18!"

"Yes, that would be a grave offense, considering your line of work," Miss Harrison says. "Then, I suppose we should consider other avenues. I am quite intrigued that you haven't had any matronly situations, though."

Tik Tik bites her mouth, tapping her fingers on her desk. "Tik Tik has had many eggs, but none are fertile. Tik Tik checked. Sorry, no can see, though. Eshere eat most of them."

"Miss Tiiiik!" Eshere gulps. "T-that's hardly appropriate in f-front of a guest!"

"Maybe not," Tik Tik says, "But Tik Tik do anything not lose money in tax payment."

Miss Harrison taps the paper, frowning. "You'll hardly have to do 'anything' to prepare your taxes, Tik Tik. If you have appropriate records, diligent record-keeping and counting shouldn't take more than a day or two. You could make it quicker by hiring a professional to handle everything.

"You work on people's taxes, right, Miss Harrison?" Tik Tik asks, smirking gently. "So, would time with Tik Tik be worth you do Tik Tik's taxes?" the kobold coos at that, scooting back in her chair, she lounges, spreading her legs and resting a hand upon her thigh, the other draped over her chair. A slight growl rises from the kobold's voice.

The crimson eyes of the rabbit slide down over the kobold for a moment. The rabbit lets out a slight "hmph," before she bends forward to read over the ledger. "No, it wouldn't work, and I won't accept such payment from you."

Tik Tik puffs her cheeks, crossing her hands over her chest and grumbling. "Why not?"

Standing tall and looking down on Tik Tik, the rabbit delivers the final blow with a matter-of-fact statement. "Because, Miss Tik Tik, I'm asexual."