FSE

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Getting away from day-to-day life had been suggested to be important, but it was hard to contend with the idea that personal normality was somehow harmful. Dark honey eyes peered out a window of a moving train. They watched the hills passing by one by one in a rush, swaying grass a blur, billowing smoke blowing overtop and far into the distance. Desmond had been told that he needed time off, that his stress would take him to an early grave if he wasn't careful. He got home exhausted every single day from working long shifts, but that exhaustion was part of a hard day's work, and there was always something to do, always something to keep his hands and his mind busy. The problem was, he liked working. He liked his hometown too. Sure, they were a bit strict back home and he was worked to the bone by his job, but that was just the way things were. Everyone in his hometown worked hard, everyone had a firm belief in making your own way in life. If you were a failure or slowed down for a second, then you'd get left behind in the dust. Desmond got fidgety when he wasn't doing something useful, and even now one of his legs bounced idly. The quack had set up this little trip without his permission. He'd been more than surprised when his manager told him that he had more than enough vacation days saved up, and had implied that he'd be forced to go one way or another. He couldn't even pretend that it was about the money. The trip itself was paid for by a distant friend of the doctor; a businessman who had a good heart. Those two things didn't mix in his eyes, and there was no telling how that businessman actually was considering he was friends with his quack of a doctor. Already he could feel the little things of this trip getting on his nerves. The air was getting a little bit chillier than he was used to, the trees outside turning spiky as a new environment welcomed him. His fingers pinched the cross he wore around his neck, twisting it by the tip while he breathed out a little prayer asking for strength and patience. He'd need a lot of that second one. As much as he bemoaned being torn out of his comfort zone, Desmond couldn't just act like this the entire time. He didn't have to mingle with the locals, didn't have to even pretend that he loved the glorious sights of the valley. All he needed to do was manage his stress and anger as per his doctor's orders. Desmond could admit to being a bit of a child, a bit of a fool when it came to being torn out of his element, but at the very least he could have been forced to take a stay-at-home vacation instead of whatever this was. He could complain all he wanted, and he could pout all he wanted as well, but in the end, he had to accept the facts and at least try to have a good time.

The train ambled on through the countryside. Through tunnels and around hills until settling down in a valley station where it chugged and ground to a stop. He got up once it was time to disembark and waited with his suitcase for the other passengers to walk on by. Most of them were animal-folk, and the more he looked, the more he noticed that he was the only human stopping here. Guess that was one more difference he had to contend with, but it wasn't too much of a problem. Once the last furred critter passed him by, he pulled up his suitcase and got to walking down the clean aisle. A cat with fur like blue skies and milk in a cap ushered him forward and out the door with a little bow, and he inclined his head in return before stepping down the steps and onto the station platform. Desmond peered around before breathing in deep, and then out. Though the air was a bit cooler than he was comfortable with, the scent was of gentle pines and something sweet emanating from one of the stores nearby selling treats. The animal-folk wandering around made their way off the platform, a few of the workers calling for everyone to step away as the train he had been on hissed and cranked away. So that was that. No going back. Not that he'd be able to go back, but seeing the train skirting off into the distance kind of added a bit of finality to the situation.

“Mr. Desmond?"

He blinked when he heard his name being called, his head turning toward the source of the sound to see one of the animal folk hailing him with a wry smile. The one addressing him was a tired-eyed tanuki with almond and acorn fur wearing a brown coat with what appeared to be a leaf stamped on it near the chest. Demond made his way nice and slow toward the round stranger before the tanuki threw his arms out wide, but made no move to embrace him.

Instead, the critter began, “Welcome to our town. Your doctor and I talked at length, and I understand that you've been pushed into this, but I hope that you'll come to love it here just as much as I do."

Desmond sniffed, “And you are?"

“Tom Nook. Tom, or Mr. Nook. Whichever you prefer." Said the businessman before offering his hand.

He took the hand out of courtesy and shook, grips exchanged for a second while he breathed out, “Well, Mr. Nook. I appreciate you taking me in on such short notice, and I'm grateful for you coming out to greet me, but I'll be candid. I'd rather get this over with to get back to work as soon as possible, and well, my home."

Despite his words, Mr. Nook simply smiled and nodded slowly, “That's quite understandable. I know how it is to work and keep on working, but your doctor said that there's much more at play than just a busy heart. I'll not pry, and I'll even leave you alone for the most part, but know that I'll be here to help with what you need. After all, your expenses have been paid for already. All you have to do is humor me a bit more and you'll see that this place is quite nice if not a bit liberated."

“A bit liberated?" He asked with a tilt of his head.

Before he had time to broach that topic a bit more, Mr. Nook turned around and started walking while bringing up a hand to motion for him to follow. Shrugging, he followed along with his suitcase in hand. Mr. Nook was a weird one, but he didn't set off any red flags either. His voice was soft, but his words had a sharpness hiding somewhere behind the tone. No doubt that gentle and sweet demeanor was perfect for luring in unsuspecting suckers and fools. Then again, maybe he had nothing to fear from the tanuki considering everything was paid for already. Part of him had been worried that he'd have to pay a hefty sum despite whatever the doctor had said, but it seemed like he was in the clear on that note.

In the end, humoring Mr. Nook a bit more meant being brought on a tour of sorts. He was led through the brick-clad station and down into the town where the buildings meshed with the wilderness perfectly. The grass was a soft mesh of emerald hued by gentle blues. There were pine trees growing that remained hardy despite the cool weather, and even a few fruit trees that he could spot sporting what appeared to be plump and juicy offerings. It didn't take long to walk the length of the town, or at least to stop at the important places. The first stop was the central hub; the town square where the mayor's office resided along with a few other important buildings. Then he was taken to the shops of which there were clothing stores and a general store that sold everything from food to medicine. There was a chilling serenity to the town that he wasn't quite sure how to contend with. Not a soul in sight so far, and perhaps that was just because it was early in the morning, or maybe he had been taken to some sort of ghost town. The next thing that he noticed that bothered him a bit was that there wasn't a house of worship of any kind. Far be it from him to bemoan others because of their faith, but he didn't see a church or anything of sort in sight and his own beliefs were quite clear-cut.

When he asked, Mr. Nook stopped and held his hands behind his back before humming, “I suppose by the cross you wear I should have shown you first, but we have a little church that looks more like a house. We probably passed it by without you noticing, but if you look up there'll be a clear marker on it. It'll be next to the mayor's office at the square. If you'd like, we could go back so I could show you. I could even introduce you to the local priest."

He touched the cross by the tip again, fidgeting a few times before shaking his head, “I should get settled first. Shouldn't strain myself lugging this stuff the entire time."

Mr. Nook turned his head just enough so he could see that small smile before the tanuki hummed, “All right. Let's get you to your new home for the month then."

With that said, they headed out toward the edge of the town where there were fewer houses, and stopped by one that looked larger than he had been expecting. It was a rounded cottage with a clay-shingled roof. There were flowers planted underneath the windows at the front hugging a stone walkway leading to the front door. The other houses were a comfortable distance from this one. More satisfying than that was a stump outside with an ax buried in it most likely used for chopping firewood. He could at least do that while he was here, and maybe even see if anyone wanted it. That's right. Just because he was on vacation didn't mean he had to be idle.

As he found himself brightening up a bit about this trip, Mr. Nook spoke quietly, “I picked this house in particular because I thought it would fit your sensibilities a bit more than any of the others based on what the doctor and I discussed. And, you see—." He then paused before clicking his tongue, “Well, I figured that you'd want somewhere a bit distant from where neighbors will bother you. I've told folk to be on their best behavior, but we're naturally curious. Even you, I'm sure, have a little bit of that tendency yourself."

He stared at Mr. Nook and for the first time returned the small smile as he sighed, “I wasn't sure what to expect, Mr. Nook. I was sour about being torn up from my roots, but it seems you've really taken into account my needs and are quite genuine about it. I'm not sure if my doctor will approve or not of me cutting some wood on occasion, but I appreciate the tool and the opportunity, and the place too. As for the neighbors, well, since you've tried your best for me, I guess I'll try to do the same."

Mr. Nook's expression brightened considerably and he clapped his hands together, “Fantastic! That is all that I ask, and I want you to keep in mind that no one in this town is truly terrible. Not one soul. Why, you might even find yourself wanting to stay a bit longer. Now then, I'll leave you to your own devices for a while. If you need me, you can find my number in your room with a little set of pamphlets for your enjoyment and curiosity."

With a little wave and one last shake, Mr. Nook was off with a joyful expression underlining those tired eyes. Right, he'd entered this place with such a dour outlook that he hadn't considered the possibility that he might actually enjoy himself. Mr. Nook seemed like a fine man and one that he should not have been so quick to distrust, but even now he felt nervous about the prospect of meeting strangers from a distant land. He supposed it had just been a train ride away and the customs here couldn't be that much different if they had a church. That being said, if he had any trouble he was sure he would be able to work it out with Mr. Nook. And so, with a new perspective, he opened the door to the cottage and stepped inside.

The home was furnished with what he thought were basically the essentials. Chairs and tables sat on wooden floors with a living area that had a couch set in front of a television. There weren't many decorations, but he preferred the blank slate look as opposed to living in a space that felt like he was an invader. The bedroom was much the same with a large bed and an empty bookshelf. On the bed was the aforementioned set of pamphlets with one at the top holding Tom Nook's number. He set his suitcase down and checked the pamphlets to see what information he had been left with. There were a few places that delivered food, and those were circled just for him. It seemed like Mr. Nook realized that he wanted to be left alone, and perhaps he also understood that Desmond wasn't exactly a chef. He could fry an egg, and very successfully burn the outside of the egg. Other than that, he was woefully unskilled. Maybe he could take this opportunity to learn, or perhaps he should just stick to the path of least resistance. Regardless, something in the group of pamphlets caught his eye. The town was considered by many a liberated paradise. Clothes were optional. He supposed that made sense considering most of the folk here were of the animal variety, but that still brought a little touch of concern to his mind. There was a chance that the town was full of perverse individuals, but would a man like Mr. Nook allow such a thing? More than that, there was a place of worship in town. He couldn't imagine anyone doing anything uncouth. Be that as it may, he had said that he would give things a try, and he wasn't going to stay locked in this cottage. This wasn't a prison sentence. It was supposed to be a vacation, albeit a forced one, but a vacation all the same.

Desmond took this opportunity to shower, and to figure out what he wanted to do first. It was still the morning and he had already eaten, but noon would be approaching and he didn't want to sleep. He didn't feel tired, and even now the thought of staying still crawled under his skin and nagged him to no end. Maybe he would take a walk among nature before risking diving out into the town itself. There had been a lovely wooded area behind the cottage and he was sure he could find something interesting out there. Maybe even a few fallen logs to chop up. That would keep his hands busy. Out of the shower he went to dry himself and get into a shirt and some overalls. He kept his necklace under the shirt and took a look in the mirror. A bit of fuzz on his face, but nothing disorganized. His hair was loose and just over his shoulder, and his skin was still darkened olive from his time spent out in the sun. His honeyed eyes, however, looked far more tired than he felt, and more tired than he wanted them to look. Stress would send him to an early grave. Anger would help that along. His paranoia and lifestyle would further everything that kept him unhealthy, but he felt healthy, didn't he? He always did right until the exhaustion crept in. With a sigh, he pulled himself from the mirror and decided to head out instead of worrying about the things his doctor had said about his mental health. A nature walk wasn't something stressful, so he got his boots on and headed out the door. Wouldn't need water or anything else since all he wanted to do was take a look at the surrounding area really. While he was preparing to head around the cottage, he stopped as he heard a voice.

“Hey! Hey there!"

He turned toward the sound slowly with a wince and nearly jumped back as a russet-furred feline came to a skidding stop a few steps away from him. Desmond felt every bone in his body urging him toward the woods out back, but instead, he stood his ground and cleared his throat, “Uh, hello."

The cat slung a hand forward and fixed him with a wide grin, “Welcome to the neighborhood! Name's Rudy. Nook told me that you'd be comin' in next door. I'm only sorry I wasn't here to welcome you in the first place. I was out on a morning jog. Bright and early is always best!"

At the very least, he could agree with that, and by the look of the sweat dripping from the cat's brow, he probably wasn't lying either. He wasn't the most social of creatures, but Desmond still knew his manners and so he took the cat's hand and shook it while responding, “Desmond and it's nice to meet you. Can't say that I've ever had mornings to jog, but I can appreciate someone who keeps a schedule and dedicates time to an effort."

Those bright eyes full of glimmering sun and obsidian stared him down for a second before growing wide and bright as the feline shook his hand vigorously and offered aloud, “If you can appreciate it, then I'm sure you'd appreciate coming with me in the mornings! I'm always inviting the other townsfolk to join me, but so few of them even get up early enough let alone wanna exercise!"

He thought about saying no outright, but it was very difficult. It felt rude to just reject the excitable cat, and more than that, he actually started to think it might be a good idea to have something to do in the morning, and so he slowly began to nod, “Yeah, you know, that sounds just right. Might be good to talk to a local in the mornings too."

“Great! So, how about now?" Said the feline, hands on his hips, grin wider than ever.

Desmond smiled a bit and rubbed the back of his head, “Well, I was plannin' on taking a little walk around the woods. Nothing too deep, just enough to get to know the lay of the land a little. I guess, you'd be free to join me if you'd like."

Rudy blinked before clapping his hands together, “That sounds like a great idea!"

Thankfully, Rudy was fully dressed and so he had no problems having the overly excitable cat along, but he'd be a liar if he said he wasn't entirely unperturbed. As they started to walk, he found that the cat's energy seemed endless. He talked about the town and shared freely about his own routine in the morning, and asked plenty of questions. To the cat's credit, none of the questions were too deep. Most of them were simple things that he could provide a quick answer to, but they came at such a speed he barely had time to look at where they were going.

“So, where do you come from?"

He rubbed his chin and hummed, “Town a few stations over and around the hills. Bit more of an industrious place"

“Exercise often? You look a little soft, but a bit tough too!"

Was that his way of calling him stout? Well, he didn't mind that too much and so he answered, “Not at all, but I work often enough. Yardwork, workin' at the factory, and what have you. I don't really stop too often."

“That's no good! Gotta take breaks now and then. Especially if you've got a special someone lined up. Works up a sweat in a different way, but it's all meant for a cool-down period."

Rudy's last statement had his constant nodding freeze, his cheeks warming a bit as he took the meaning. His fingers pinched the cross at his neck before he sniffed, “Don't really think that's quite appropriate seeing as I'm waiting until I get hitched."

The cat gasped, “Really? Never woulda thought it. No one around here thinks like that for the most part. Even the minister over at the church has his fair share of fun. You at least have some sweetheart back at home you've got a ring ready for right? A stud or lady?"

Desmond frowned and shook his head, “Family always told me they'd never approve of another man, that there are sins that can't be forgiven and well, I never really found a lady of my choosing. Too busy, really."

“Well, I think that you should look around. Maybe you'll find someone you'll want to head back home with, or who knows, maybe you'll sin enough that the minister will get some use out of his confessional."

The tone was jolly with a good bit of humor in it, but still, he clasped hard onto the cross and sighed, “Don't think I'm much of the sinning type, Rudy." When he realized how mournful he almost sounded, he added, “Y'see, where I come from the folk are strict. They're good people in their own right, but there are rules for the soul and body. Rules for conduct and more. I can't just step out of line just because I'm out in another place."

“But you could." Rudy said without hesitation.

Rudy wasn't wrong, was he? Regardless of whether that was the case or not, Desmond grunted, “You're pushing a bit much for having just met me, aren't you?"

Instead of backing off of it, Rudy chuckled, “I don't mean to, I just think that you could pretty much do whatever you want on this trip with whoever you wanted. You should talk to the minister, he might be able to ease your woes a bit on that front, and my doors are always open to you."

He looked at Rudy who met his stony gaze with a big smile, and slowly he at least said, “I'll talk to the minister, but I really don't think I'll debase myself so easily." And in the spirit of trying out new things, he added with a sigh, “Suppose you could come up with a list of folk I'd be inclined to get along with in that manner."

“I'll volunteer for that list readily, at the top too." Snickered Rudy.

Desmond coughed and shook his head, “Now listen, I'm not against whatever you do for your own sake, but I don't think I'll head down that path of sinning."

Rudy simply fixed him with a grin and winked, “Come on now, would it be so bad? I'd like to think that I'm pretty hot, and you're no slouch yourself!"

He had to admit that liberated nature was less aggravating and more, well, liberating. Rudy's attitude was infectious, and if it had been anyone else he might've been pissed off beyond reason, but there was something about that bright smile and the way that he had broken the ice with little simple questions that had him unable to answer the cat with anything but a small tired smile of his own.

Finally, he looked away and sniffed, “You're way too pushy for someone I just met, and you're lucky that I'm apparently weak to how much of a ball of spit and vinegar you are. If I ever decide that I'm suddenly into that type of sin, I'll let you know, but for now I think I'd like to take the world-altering events to a minimum. Doctor said I should take it easy, after all."

“Oh? Is that why you're out in the woods walking, and why you agreed to go jogging with a total stranger? That's funny. I'll have to see what being intense is in your book." Rudy snickered.

“Laugh it up kitty cat. A little walk and a jog in the mornin' isn't anything compared to what I'm used to doing. Now c'mon, we should head back before lunch." He said with a chuckle of his own.

As they turned and started walking, Rudy offered, “I could show you a neat little place in town. Makes some good sandwiches."

Desmond touched his stomach and felt his body respond positively to that with a rumble as he nodded, “That sounds absolutely divine, friend."

And with that, they started the trek back. Relative silence filled the air where once there had been constant chatter, and he was glad of it. Peace and quiet were what he had hoped for on this little walk. Now that he could actually enjoy that peace, he could see the pine trees towering around him, could see the loose branches on the ground along with a few logs that looked ripe for the plucking. There were even flowers here and there. The local flora added a fresh scent to the air that seemed to compliment the gentle Winter chill passing them by. Maybe it was the nature surrounding them, or maybe it had something to do with his expectations being broken so easily, but Desmond felt good. That being said, he did find himself a bit unnerved. He had never been flirted with and really he hadn't ever expected that first to be broached by another man of all things. Getting married and having kids was what his future held, at least, that's what most folk back at home were all about. A man got with a woman and continued on the bloodline under holy matrimony. To even have sex outside of that situation could be considered an affront to the lord, and homosexuality was just as bad. He had never been able to fault the sinner for what they did, but did that mean that he was susceptible to those very things as well? This line of thought was troubling, but more troubling was the fact that he found himself so immediately comfortable around Rudy. The excitable cat had made his intentions quite clear, and he should have denied this little trip for something to eat, but instead, he was walking side by side with someone who had perverse aims. What's worse is that he was unbothered by all of this. The flirting didn't put him off, and somewhere deep inside he felt emboldened by it. Lord protect him, he actually found himself a bit happy that someone would think of him in such a manner at all. Rudy wasn't exactly a slouch either in the looks department. A sharp feline by all accounts with a toned body that rounded out in the right ways. He caught himself staring and fixed his gaze firmly on the path ahead deciding that this train of thought was far too dangerous to continue. He'd grab lunch with the cat and then keep whatever relationship they had polite and nothing else. Desmond couldn't afford any more stress.

The place with the good sandwiches turned out to be a little cafe near the town square. A tree hung over the entrance with a branch bent over the door as if bowing in welcome, and the workers were just as cordial. Much of his lunch was spent focusing solely on his food rather than his environment. See, it was late enough in the day that the folk that had still been at home were now out and about. It wouldn't be so much of a problem if most of them weren't nude or half as such. Even the staff of the cafe only wore aprons minus a few exceptions. Everyone was polite and kind, but he just couldn't get used to the sight of folk who found themselves at liberty to be so, well, liberated. There were couples near the corners of the cafe sharing tender kisses, and a few were doing more than that with their hands drifting between legs and other crevices. He wasn't one to stare, and made sure never to look at what he didn't mean to look at, but it was hard to avoid all things considered. In the end, he downed a cup of coffee nearly burning himself in the process, brought down a sandwich that was spiced with honeyed mustard and some sort of salted deli meat, and got out of there after paying. He barely had enough time to say goodbye to his new friend after remembering his manners, but he just needed to get out of there and out of that type of environment. It didn't feel right, didn't sit well with him to see what had been described as debauched his entire life. He felt like he might court the devil himself by sitting there among them, and at the same time, his traitorous mind couldn't help but wonder how it might be to enjoy life in such a manner. How might it be to be so unfettered? And with those thoughts, he found that it was time to seek a bit of ministering. Maybe even a confession.

As it turned out, the church was indeed just as Tom Nook had said. Difficult to miss. The building was all rosewood and gentle colors, the windows at the front stained to give it a bit of a cathedral look, and a cross hanging above it. He couldn't help but notice that there were other little marks of faith here and there as well. Any sort of spiritual help would have been great right now, and he'd just have to trust that whoever ministered here would be able to help him just right. The inside of the small church was shaped similar to any that he'd see back home, a row down the middle sidled by pews followed by an altar. There were smaller altars sequestered in different parts of the church as well, tucked away into corners where one could pray quietly as they would. He wandered in while looking around, his eyes taking him all over until he looked at the front where he saw the minister.

The minister was an ursine fellow, held together by a strong form with small eyes hiding behind silver spectacles and deep oak fur covered by a father's cassock. As he approached, the bear looked up from the altar and gave him a small smile, “Ah, our friend from beyond the veil and station. Mr. Nook informed me of your stay, but I had not assumed that you'd come here so soon. Mass, if you'd like, is held a bit earlier and on Fridays. I could get you a schedule if you'd like."

He touched the cross at his chest and cleared his throat, “Well, that'd be nice of you, but I had other things in mind. Questions, I suppose, and concerns of a spiritual nature."

That small smile remained as the minister brought his arms behind his back and inclined his head, “Then ask away."

“Sir—uh, father." He reached for a name and frowned for a moment before, “I'm sorry, what was your name?"

“Devon. No title is necessary, unless it makes you more comfortable. I've studied many faiths, and I do my best to help those that I can. Now, speak at ease and tell me your woes." The bear said with a chuckle.

He breathed out, “Well, Father, I feel conflicted. Torn out of my home I find myself considering sin. I find myself thinking of things that might be nice to experience, things that I would never have given myself to outside of my home. The first moments of this trip have been surprisingly good. I even met a man I might call a friend, though, his energy is a bit much for me."

When he did not continue, the bear brought a hand out and up with a hum, “And what sins might that be?"

“Sex, sir. And more than that, there are small parts of my mind and body that betray me and give heed to the possibility of homosexuality." He said, the last part uttered quietly.

For a moment, the minister remained quiet, before he simply placed his hand on what was most likely a bible, “Tell me. What do you see on this here altar?"

“A bible?" He said with a tilted head.

“That's right. A written text that has been altered time and time again. In this one, homosexuality and sex before marriage are not a sin. Temperance is a lesson that is taught, but the denomination that wrote this book sought to guide people more than hold them to a hard doctrine. What question we ask ourselves is if God would hate us for these acts, if God would fault us for what we might consider a lapse in judgment in his eyes, and yet, in doing so we would stifle ourselves." He then breathed in before sighing, “I was once a devout believer of a sterner make. I preached, and spat. And daily I would seek to cleanse my thoughts of all ills, but all I did was push aside everything that I had wanted to do. Love, lust, desires of the soul and heart. I left myself unfulfilled in many ways. I fell, and it was not pretty because so much of what I had held in erupted from me in a self-destructive spiral. I hated what I had become because I thought the lord would surely strike me down as I reached his gates. It was only when a man helped me see the love in myself, that I realized that my pain and suffering would make the Lord weep."

Desmond considered these words, a spark of concern growing alongside curiosity, and in the end, he breathed out, “Do you mean to tell me to give myself to my desires? That it would make him happy?"

Father Devon chuckled, “I mean that you will come to hate yourself if you hold these desires back, and that there is a possibility that you might harm yourself when everything comes bubbling to the surface and you can't hold it back anymore. Don't throw yourself into your whims, but think about it. Really give yourself a chance to think about it, and maybe talk to someone. You said you made a friend, and although you said that friend was annoying, it means something that you would mention them at all or consider them as such."

He nodded slowly before turning around, “Okay, yeah. I think you've given me a lot to think about. I don't know what to think about this yet, I don't really even know how to feel about this entire place just yet, but I should at least be polite enough to listen. At the same time, I'm afraid."

“Of God?" Devon hummed.

Desmond felt his mouth dry as he gulped down and uttered the words, “Of my family. The people back home that know me. They judge harshly, and they are devout down to their blood and more. They wouldn't accept me, and I can't just lie."

He could feel his heart pumping faster, but the minister's voice seemed to ease that thumping as his voice coasted through the church, “Then, when that time comes and you lie to them. Confess to me that lie. Confess over the phone, or whenever you visit again, and I will tell you what I tell you right now. God will forgive you."

His body started moving forward to get out of the church, but he stopped just a moment more to ask aloud, “Have you sinned, Father?"

And the minister answered, “Without a doubt, but nothing I have done is above forgiveness."

“Thank you." He muttered before heading out quickly enough that he couldn't hear the minister's last words to him.

Desmond had been hoping for a stern figure to set him back on the right path, but instead, he had found a man who wished to enable him, to push him to think of things that he should have left in the dark. To seek these sinful thoughts and consider them properly, to cast aside the hate he held for himself at the mere idea that he would entertain them and betray his beliefs. He wasn't sure if he could do that so readily, and yet, the quiet permission given to him by the minister encouraged the bubbling curiosity at the back of his mind to grow and fester. Before long, he found himself standing outside of his lodging unsure of how he got there. He was suddenly aware that he was in a cold sweat, and Desmond recognized that he could ignore this no longer. Talking it out with himself didn't seem like it would help, but he wasn't sure how to reach Rudy and wasn't even sure if that was a good idea, so he decided to instead distract himself.

Collecting firewood and chopping it seemed like a good way to keep his mind off things, but it would only last so long. He couldn't tire his body out like this, and so he got a basket to fill. Dry logs were cut with snaps of an ax, the strain of his body familiar and yet, enjoyable. The cold sweat turned warm and the mental tax that had been levied on him slowly faded as he got into a comfortable pace. Eventually, he had a basket full of firewood and his shoulders were warm, letting him know that any more might be a bit too much. He set the ax down next to the block and rolled an arm while looking up at the sky. The afternoon had passed on idly and he could see the sun sneaking ever downward. Maybe it was time to turn in, or maybe he could see about knocking on a neighbor's door. Rudy lived close by, and he cursed himself for not asking where the cat lived. He was in a better mindset right now to question these things and to talk about it, but he still found himself turning from one thought to another unsure of how he should proceed or if he should at all. The train ride, the tour of the town, the walk with Rudy, and all these boiling and bubbling thoughts hitting him. These events were wearing on him to the point where he wasn't sure if he could handle much more of it, so, he figured it'd be best to take some advice from his doctor for once, and just let it go for a bit. He dropped the basket next to the entrance of the cottage and retreated inside, deciding to let the world and his thoughts wait for a bit. After all, he had to wake up early to go out jogging with Rudy.

After settling down for the evening, he had expected nightmares. He had expected guilt to haunt him, but maybe what hit him was worse. Desmond found himself in sweet situations surrounded by gentle clouds and touched by loving hands. He found his body in utter bliss and tongues and fingers were dragged along his form. Whispered words and sighs, giggles and laughter. Androgynous voices from all sides. It felt like it lasted forever, but he never woke up from the dream until he heard his phone buzzing reminding him that he had a prior engagement in reality. He woke up with a cough and swatted his phone a few times on the nightstand next to the bed to flick the alarm off. Desmond sat up slowly while rubbing the clouds from his eyes and muttering quiet curses. He felt stiff as all hell, including between his legs. Masturbation was also a sin, even the act of lust itself was considered a sin, but he was too damn tired to care. That being said, he didn't think there was enough time to explore his body patiently, so he got up to grab breakfast instead. Toast and slightly burnt eggs were on the menu, a perfect mixture of grain and protein. Coffee came next and thank goodness he couldn't really burn that. Sweet and bitter richness touched his tongue as he drank his coffee in relative peace and picked out an outfit for exercise with one hand. Shirt and sweatpants. Maybe he'd need a jacket, but it didn't seem that cold right now. Whatever chill he felt too would be cut short soon after jogging too. Once he was nice and ready, he headed out to the front door while scratching the back of his head and yawning. As he got there, he heard a series of knocks.

Raising a brow, he opened the door and sniffed, “Hello?"

Rudy stood there in a tracksuit and pants with a big smile on his face. He waved, and despite the sun barely peeking over the horizon, the feline said with far too much energy, “Mornin' neighbor! Ready to feel the burn? Well, I certainly am! I've even got a pack full of water and other goodies too."

Despite getting smacked by that sunny disposition so early in the morning, he smiled a bit and sighed, “Morning to you too, and uh, I guess I am ready. Don't think we'll be feelin' much of a burn on a little jog though."

The feline grinned and placed a hand on his chest, “Right you are! Figure I should take it easy on you too, seeing as you chopped up all that wood by the door."

Desmond rubbed the back of his head, “Well, thanks but I should be fine seein' as my legs are just fine. I appreciate it all the same since this'll be the first time we work out together. Figure uh, we could talk and whatnot on the move too."

“Got somethin' on your mind, Des?"

He thought about airing it out right there and then, but instead, he stepped out into the morning and shut the door behind him before shrugging, “A few things, but we can talk about that on the jog. Got a route in mind?"

As it turned out, he did. They started at a steady pace bending around the cottage and heading down a trail traveling the edge of the woods. He wasn't exactly out of shape, but he still was glad that Rudy was maybe taking it easy on him today. No sense in straining his body too much, and more than that, he wasn't even sure himself how much cardio he could take. The slow pace allowed him to think about how he wanted to word what he wanted to say. He wasn't really sure how to broach the topic without seeming so strange after making a big deal of it the other day, but Rudy seemed like a guy who was open to this type of dialogue. More than just that was the simple fact that Rudy was the one who had brought up the damn thing in the first place and had recommended that he go to the minister. Least he could do was update the cat on what had happened, and the least the cat could do was listen to said update.

Not sure how to really break the ice, he puffed out while they continued jogging, “So, I talked to the minister."

“Oh? How'd that go?" Rudy asked while veering just a bit closer.

He couldn't help but notice a grin on the cat's features as if he had been expecting this. Desmond almost wanted to reach out and push him, but instead, he went on with it and sighed, “Confusing, mostly confusing. The nature of sin is a strange thing and honestly, I figured that a man of the cloth would set me on the straight and narrow. Instead, he told me not to hate myself, not to hate what is inside of me, and really think about it all."

“And did you think about it?" Hummed the feline.

Desmond snorted and shook his head, “No. I chopped wood to not think about it, and then I turned in because I was exhausted from the trip and from pushing myself right as I got off the train."

Rudy chuckled, “So now you're asking me to set you up on the day and night of your lifetime. Debauchery, sinning, drinking, and everything."

He coughed in reaction to that, his cheeks warming a bit as he spat, “No! I was just hoping to try and figure a bit of what's going through my head by airing it out."

“You don't seem like someone who thinks too much, though." Before Desmond could snap at that, Rudy laughed and shook his head, “And I get that sounds like I'm insulting you, but you seem like someone who prefers to get their hands right in there. Don't get me wrong, it's good to slow down and think a bit, but how many times have you spun these types of thoughts in your head? How many times have you been worried you might slip up? I mean, Desmond I think you should just let loose and enjoy yourself in our town. Could even introduce you to a pretty lady or two if that's your taste."

Desmond had felt his metaphorical hackles rising, but Rudy wasn't necessarily wrong, and so he sniffed, “That so?"

Rudy nodded, “Yup! The general shop gals, for instance, would be more than glad for the attention. One of them you might have a bit of trouble with since she's always working, but seeing as you're here cuz you were overworking, you might not have too much trouble making the connection. There's a couple that doesn't mind sharing too, and well, might be I heard of a lady or two interested in the fellah who just moved here. Curiosity is a hell of a thing."

His cheeks warmed a bit more, in part because of the offering of introducing him to women for an intimate purpose, and because a different thought occurred to him, and one that he let loose between them quietly, “There were a lot of things I talked to the minister about. He told me to think about them carefully, and you're telling me to just dive into it. Dunno if I know any men that would be willing to experiment with me quite in that way."

He came to a steady stop while Rudy stumbled forward a step or two before turning around, “Say now, you didn't forget that I offered yesterday, did you?"

“Maybe I wanted to hear it again just in case, and maybe right now I'm too damn embarrassed to really admit that I want to give somethin' different a try." He then breathed out while shaking his head, “Honestly, I don't even know if I'll jump out of my skin from a little touch let alone anything out of the way."

Rudy's hand touched his wrist and their gazes locked. For a second, he found himself regretting everything as the touch had set off a strange shock through his arm as if Rudy was electrified, but what happened next dipped him into a fog and mist far away from guilt and concern. Lips met his own, a firm hand at his cheek guiding him closer as he froze before giving himself entirely to the sudden kiss. He dipped in closer, body shaking as he steadily melted and relaxed. His mouth melded to the others, his arms moving around the other's body to embrace him tightly as he had his first true taste of succulent sin. It ended in a flash and with a smack of lips. He stared hazily at Rudy who watched him with a little grin.

The feline's voice brought his mind back from static and momentary bliss, “So, regrets?"

He still felt warm from the kiss, still felt like he was teetering on the edge of forgetting himself again, and so he muttered, “I'm not really sure. Right now kinda feels like I really can't think much. Guess it felt good enough to be the case."

Another peck along his lips, another touch that had him dip under for just a few seconds before the cat's purring voice dragged him back, “Tell me how it feels."

And another gentle kiss, those soft lips trailing from his own to his neck causing him to shudder as he tried to figure out how he was feeling, “Soft, warm, and so much more. Feels like you zapped me whenever you touched me, like I touched the wrong thing at the factory. There's something else too. Heart is pumping just a bit faster and I definitely know I want more."

The hand at his cheek moved, two sets of digits grasping his sides to feel down to the hips while Rudy breathed out, “Good. Guess that means you want to continue, right?"

When he nodded, Rudy's lips returned to his and he accepted the new kiss with twisted joy and warmth curling from his core. He pressed closer as one of Rudy's hands moved along his crotch to feel over his growing heat. At first, there was a spark of momentary concern as new sensations began to overfill his mind, but instead, he remained still and allowed the warmth and desire to pass through him. He leaned against the touch, pushed his bulge against Rudy's hand, and dipped deeper into the kiss hoping to indulge more in this sin. The thought of it as a sin remained in his mind despite him enjoying it so much, despite him casting aside his guilt for a second. How long had he been this way? How long had he been seeking an experience like this homosexual or otherwise? Was it only men that he would give himself to, or would he react the same way to the touch of a woman? He wasn't certain of anything anymore, but at the edge of these woods surrounded by nothing but nature and so far away from his home and family; there was no reason for him to care at all.

The kisses had begun as gentle and loving things toned with a mysterious lust hiding beneath the surface. That lust began to rise as Rudy pushed harder, as those experienced feline lips parted his own to let their tongues meet. He found himself being pressed by every new experience imparted to him. Never had he found his lips on another's, never had he had another's hands touching him in such a manner, and never had he given himself so readily to his desires and sin. Tongue soft and warm with wet spittle. Lips dripped with the very same liquid shared between mouths as the heat between them grew further and further. When they parted their lips, he almost felt dizzy due to how long they had been locked there, and the fact that he had forgotten to breathe like a fool.

A thumb and claw pushed through the waist of his pants, pushing and grinding against his crotch while Rudy rumbled, “Mind if I take a look?"

He almost asked what Rudy meant before he registered the feeling of that single finger pushing against his crotch through his pants and boxers. Quietly, he sniffed, “Don't think I do."

Despite his answer, his body was shaking as Rudy brought his pants down lower and lower, but he froze as he felt the feline's tongue against his neck, words purred to his ear, “Relax, I'm gonna make this nice and special for you."

Rudy set his pack down against a tree before continuing on. Desmond watched as his pants were brought down along with his underwear just enough that his cock twitched out into the fresh and open air. Rudy passed a hand along the bottom as if he were tracing the size. At the same time, the sensation brought haze shuddering up and through his spine all the way to Desmond's head as he tried to steady himself against the sudden sensation. The feline slowly crouched down and before he could ask what was going on, he let out a groan as Rudy's tongue slid along the side of his member. Warmth flooded him with a sudden punch to the gut as he struggled not to double over. Rudy continued to lap and lick at the side of his shaft, fingers tugging his pants down a bit further before he was welcomed to a new sensation. That soft tongue dragged up to the tip of his shaft before coming back around and under to catch his balls. This time, he really did double over as he felt Rudy suckle on his orbs. While Rudy's mouth worked each of his balls, one hand moved to grab onto his shaft to start pumping it gingerly. Whatever his thoughts were on the nature of sin were fading further and further as he found himself electrified by this new sensation. More than his blissful fogginess, he felt an intense heat rising beneath the loving warmth that urged him to grab onto the cat's ears. Rudy only purred in response while kissing the center of his balls.

His breaths were little flames pouring from his lips and his head was burning up just the same. He knew the basics of what would happen since he wasn't that sheltered, but he didn't want to let his first load out just yet. Instead, he held back as much as he could under that loving touch. Aiding in that was the fact that Rudy stopped stroking his cock to say aloud, “Say now, if you want to get all grabby, then maybe you should let out your first shot somewhere a bit more special, huh? It's a sin to spill seed after all."

Confused by his sudden mention of sin, he let go of Rudy's head to ask him what the heck he was talking about, but quickly shut up. The feline stood up to full height and backed away slowly before grabbing his pants to tug them all the way down. He stepped out of them after a bit of struggling and tossed them to the side near his pack. His heart began to race as he looked at the other's bouncing shaft, his strong legs and thighs. Desmond wouldn't be forgetting this sight anytime soon. A man wearing his shoes and a jacket but his bottom exposed to the world to see. Still, if Rudy was implying what he thought the cat was implying, then wouldn't that still be a sin?

His question was answered as Rudy bent down to fish something out of the backpack, “ Shouldn't be a problem if you breed me, right? You're just following your instincts at that point and trying to knock me up, not that you can.

There was something about those words that hit him right where it mattered in a good way, but instead of exploring that right away, he just coughed, “I guess that's the case. I mean, I figured we wouldn't be rushin' into stuff like this until a bit later."

Rudy got back up and tossed something at him which he caught and nearly fumbled. In his hands he held a bottle full of something clear, one that Rudy pointed at and hummed, “Know what that is, right? You're a pretty big guy down there, so you'd better use plenty of it."

He narrowed his eyes at the bottle for a few seconds before putting the pieces together, his cheeks burning red as he cleared his throat, “Dang, I mean. Yeah, I guess I know what it is when you put it like that."

There was more on his mind that he wanted to air out, but what he had to say faded into a little puff of steam out of his lips as he saw what Rudy was doing. The feline stood in front of a tree with his body bent forward and his tail hiked up in the air. Both of his hands were clamped onto his ass to spread it nice and wide enough for him to see a darkened pucker staring right back at him. He shuddered as he found himself drawn closer by that idol of sin. In this position of vulnerability, he could see Rudy's balls and shaft hanging below as well. The cat had given him kisses in so many places, so many spots that made him feel dizzy, and was he really going to do nothing to return that care? As inexperienced as he was, Desmond decided to go with his gut.

Instead of applying the lube immediately, he grabbed onto the feline's shaft with one hand, trembling as he felt the warmth before he planted his mouth on the feline's taint. Rudy squeaked, “Whoa there! Haha! Didn't expect—"

Whatever he had to say faded in a breathy curse as Desmond got to work. He squeezed and tugged on the feline's shaft while trying to mimic the same motions that had been used on him. At the same time, he did much the same with his tongue. Out it came to lap along the taint and down to the balls, his mouth secured around one of those heavy orbs as he tried not to think too hard about what was happening. He was putting his mouth on another man's cock and balls, and it was almost sinful enough to make him laugh instead of balk. Never had he thought that such a thing would happen, and at this moment he didn't give a damn. Once the orb that had been in his mouth was slick with his spit, he decided to experiment more by bringing his tongue over the taint again where he had gotten that initial reaction from the cat. Again he heard a squeak followed by a purr, his heart thumping faster as he was encouraged on this path. Curiosity brought his tongue up further between those cheeks that were still spread wide for him. Men did this for women all the time, or at least that was the case from what he had heard, so why wouldn't it work like this as well? Again he found himself on the right path as the feline mewled aloud, cock twitching in his grip. He passed his tongue along the pucker, his mouth picking off beads of sweat that were making the experience just a little saltier. After a few licks, he brought his mouth away and stood up straight slowly.

“So, guessin' I did somethin' right?" He asked quietly.

Rudy's tail was flicking back and forth at the tip, his ears drooping and his shoulders shaking as he sighed into the air, “I'd fucking say you did. Now, how about you get to breeding, huh?"

The sound of Rudy's voice caught him off guard. It was dripping with something heavy, something that wrapped around his hips and brought him close. He snapped the top off the bottle and poured a healthy amount of it onto the feline's ass before doing the same to his cock. Gingerly, he took two digits and pushed inside more out of curiosity than duty. He pushed and thrust, and got exactly what he wanted. More sounds full of that dripping something that squeezed at his very core. These noises were louder, and grew further as such the deeper his fingers went. The feline's insides were hot and almost plush with a wetness aided by the lubricant sending his fingers gliding in to spread it all across. When he pulled his fingers out, it almost felt like the feline's ass didn't want to let him. Shivering and flooded with a strange and new heat, Desmond grabbed onto his cock and eased the tip against the feline's ass.

He didn't wait for Rudy to tell him to do it, and at this point, he couldn't wait. Desmond eased the head of his cock inside that tight rear, his body trembling as he found it surprisingly easy to slip inside. The feline uttered a curse that would have made any priest back at home furious, but instead, the intensity of the sound was what had his hips jerking forward harder. He wanted more of that sound, and more of this feeling crashing into him. Desmond could barely hold himself up against the pleasure flooding through his system. Every push took him a bit deeper until he found their balls kissing. There was some sort of idiom at the back of his head bringing a chuckle to his lips, but a moan was all he managed because of that tight heat around his shaft. He pulled back slowly and again he felt those insides squeezing on him as if he weren't allowed to slip out. Drooling and full of lust, he began to slam forward again, thrusting with a mad determination to get more of this rising heat. Each push produced a loud clap of hips on ass. Rudy was still spreading himself, but his moans were accompanied by mewls and purrs for more.

“Ahah, that's it!" Groaned the feline, “Keep pounding my ass, and don't stop. Even if you're about to cum just let it all out inside of me. Make me your first sin, stain me with your seed, and fuck me up!"

Desmond wanted to tell him to stop calling it a sin, but there was something shuddering from within him. Part of him enjoyed hearing it referred to in this manner. Part of him wanted to revel in the debauchery that he had denied so much. The heat that was pouring through him demanded it, and so he pushed as hard as he could, and so he thrust with all of his strength. The feline pressed his cheek to the tree and groaned aloud in response, legs shuddering as Desmond pounded his ass with all of his might. As much as he had managed to hold back. Desmond couldn't stop himself now. He grunted and thrust, a heated load pouring out from the tip of his cock. Desmond cursed and cried out, doubling over until his face was pressed against the feline's neck. That thick warmth continued to pour out of his shaft, each twitch producing more until it felt like it would seep out the brim. When he pulled out and stepped back, it felt as though his entire spirit had been emptied out inside of the feline's ass. The heat he had felt, the pressure budding up within him. All of it was gone, leaving bliss and an odd throbbing.

Rudy got up shakily and turned around to stare at him with a grin. The feline closed the distance between them and pulled him close into an embrace, “See, wasn't so bad, was it?"

He sniffed and looked away, but still, he had a small smile glued to his expression as he muttered, “Guess not."

Desmond then felt something prodding his thigh and his cheeks burned brighter still while the feline purred, “So, gonna help me out here?"

His gut reaction wasn't one of disdain, but instead, he surprised himself and Rudy by saying, “I mean, we could head back home, and y'could give me a different kind of first."

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't meet Rudy's gaze as a silence cut between him. The feline planted a kiss on his neck and broke that silence with a whisper, “If you're sure, then I'd love to."

Their jog ended with those words. They collected their things and fixed their clothes. Both of them remained quiet on the way back, and it wasn't because he was nervous. Instead, it felt like he should conserve his energy as if he were preparing to undertake a marathon. Maybe that was being nervous, and the more he thought about it, the more he found himself wondering if he'd be good enough. Those thoughts were pushed aside as the feline put an arm through his and he looked to see Rudy grinning bright and happy as always. That smile eased his heart, and he returned it with one of his own.

They arrived at the cottage, both of them dripping with sweat, but they didn't head for the shower. Both of them stripped near the door at Rudy's request, and their lips were locked again in a deep kiss he had not expected. He asked between smacks of lips if they should clean off, but Rudy muttered about not caring about the sweat. Further in they went while Rudy on occasion groped him or kissed him, whispering encouragement and pure desire that shook him to the core. It all felt so damn surreal, and even more so when he found himself on his back on the bed. The feline's lips were making a cool trail from his throat to his cock, down and around as his legs were grasped and lifted. That warm tongue pushed between his rear cheeks and against his ass, his toes curling as he was met with new experiences again. His entire world shifted to brightness and oddity as his rear was prepared. Warmth and spit dragged at his ass and balls before lubed fingers replaced a gentle tongue. Fingers dipped into his rear stretching him wide and causing him to wince in momentary discomfort before the pressure began to give way to strange pleasure. He found himself nodding whenever he was asked if he was okay, and the world seemed so full of shadows except for that lovely smile that was flashed at him every time Rudy stared into his eyes.

When it came time for Rudy to slide his cock inside, he wasn't sure what to think, but it didn't seem to matter much to him. Face to face and embracing one another, it felt like he could handle anything. This warmth and tenderness bolstered him and kept him braced for the penetration, his body shuddering as he felt his insides stretch for the man dipping deep inside of him. Rudy promised it wouldn't take long, and his movements were gentle and loving, but he couldn't help but sigh aloud.

“Don't gotta hold back for me."

Rudy shivered, but continued the ginger pace. After a few thrusts, it seemed that the feline couldn't hold himself back any longer. He had been teased the entire time, his rear being pounded so thoroughly no doubt contributing to this, and so Rudy began to thrust a bit faster. The feline's shaft bounced and throbbed inside of his ass, his body burning up as he found himself pulled down into the mire of new sensation. Pain and pleasure curling together, uncertainty and drooling dreaminess crashing in his mind. He clung tight onto Rudy's body until he had to wrap his legs around the feline's hips. It seemed that this motion caused Rudy to start thrusting in faster, the pace a bit much for him, but he took it with grace and shut his eyes tight while drinking in that lovely embrace. Soon, he felt the warmth flood him, that heated sin that he had released into Rudy. Now he was stained as well. Now he had been claimed in ways he would never have imagined. He counted each twitch of the other's cock, loving the feeling of the heat filling him.

An hour later, he still found himself in a haze. He sat up in bed and looked to his side where Rudy lay with his eyes shut. To make sure it was all real, he leaned down and placed his lips just barely over the feline's for a loving kiss before sitting back up to stare at the ceiling. Quietly, he asked, “Can't really cook all that well, but y'want something to eat?"

Sleepily, Rudy cracked an eye open and muttered, “Sounds like I can teach you something else then."

He looked down to see Rudy smiling up at him, and he returned the expression before taking a chance and leaning down. They met with a gentle kiss, and he would never be certain whether this was love or not, but he would cherish this first sin for the rest of his life. And there was so much more to experience. Women. Other men, but at his own pace, on his own time. Thankfully, he was more than sure that Rudy would help ease him into this new lifestyle of sin, and self-love. He just hoped that in the end that Devon's words were true, and that he would find it in himself to banish any doubts or disdain he held about himself.