The Man, The Boy, and the Donkey (Parody)
The Man, The Boy, and The Donkey
Once upon a fine day late in Spring, a Man, his Boy, and their Donkey were traveling to a city some distance from their farm in the country. Now, the Donkey was, in donkey terms, middle-aged - he'd made the trip many times, with many different companions, and knew what to expect. But the Man and his Boy were simple country folk - this was the first time they'd been more than 5 miles from their farmhouse. They'd heard the stories of City inhabitants playing jokes on the common clay of the land, and even the occasional Aesoping (thought to have been banned years ago by the Treaty of Delphi), but were aware of how vulnerable they might be.
So they decided to make the journey on foot. The Cityfolk could have a few jokes at their expense, but by God they were going to show them that honest Countryman were as tough as a donkey.
Naturally, this only made them even bigger targets. They were perhaps halfway to the City when, lo and behold, a passing Cityman remarked "You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon!"
Cityfolk hazing or no, the Boy was in fact getting a little tired, and this made sense to the three of them. So the Boy, with help from the Man, got up on the Donkey, and they continued towards the City.
Not much later, they met with a group of older men coming out of a restaurant and exchanged cordial greetings. But as they bid farewell and went towards the city, they clearly heard one of the older men remark (rather loudly, as they were beginning to have hearing problems) "See that lazy youngster? He lets his father walk while he rides!"
Although the manners of Cityfolk were starting to annoy them, the Boy (by now a little sore for riding the Donkey without a saddle, but with rested feet) got off and the Man (whose own feet were starting to moan) took his place. The Donkey endeavored to amble in a way less painful to his rider, and they trudged onward.
As they approached the outskirts of the city, the Man, Boy and Donkey passed a couple of young women. As they were busy gossiping between themselves about the latest gossip in the City of Gosip (no, seriously - emphasis on the second syllable, and make it sound "French"), the three thought they were safe from a further sudden and unprovoked attack of Opinions.
Naturally this respite only lasted until they'd passed each other. Whereupon the three learned that two young women were apparently of the belief that, once they weren't physically able to see the entity or event or thing, they could freely talk about them in as loud a voice as they wished. And they did. "Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along!" was only the clearest thing the three could hear. (Never mind that the Boy was taller and stouter than they were.)
Feeling a little embarrassed, The Man got off the Donkey and quietly discussed their options with the Boy. Not really wanting to stick out by blatantly acting like Countryfolk, they both got on the Donkey after asking his permission. The Donkey, being a rather large permutation of his species, was just large enough to carry the two humans, and they all continued onward on their four legs.
It wasn't long before they were in the City proper, making their way past storefronts and laughing, jeering Cityfolk. Not getting the joke initially, the Man and Boy attempted to jeer, point and sneer right back - but without a stereotype to knowingly reference, they felt their attempts were hollow and meaningless. Finally, the Man stopped and asked a heckler what exactly was so funny, who replied: "Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours and your hulking son?" (This particular Cityfolk seemed slightly inebriated.)
So the Man and Boy slipped off into a side street and disembarked, noticing that passerby stopped laughing and pointing the moment they did. They thought about what to do. After several minutes of careful consideration, they shared their plan with the Donkey. He replied with: "No. We're not going to play for these speciest asses any further." So saying, he removed his hardgloves and hardshoes (as strong as he was, the feeling of the road when he was on all fours was uncomfortable) and retrieved his clothes from the pack the Man carried, finally feeling comfortable in his formal wear. "I have a better idea. Come with me, and for Chrissake, stop trying to fit in so much!"
The Donkey and his two servants (his cook and cleaner, respectively) then went to a carriage dealership. "I don't want to hear it, and stop staring," he told the salesman. "I came into the City to buy a good coach, and now I want the most ostentatious carriage you make! And horses, too!"
Their business concluded in the City, the Donkey, the Man, and the Boy rode back to their farm in reasonable comfort. They passed the Cityfolk, the two young women, the group of older men, and the first Cityman on the way. And as they did so, the Donkey made a point of asking them why they were walking.
Back in the City, an old man who had followed the three into town (and close enough behind them to have heard everything) mumbled: "That will teach you? Please all, and you will please... er. Hm. None?"
The lesson of the story? If someone loudly gives their unsolicited opinion to you as/after you pass them in public, ignore them - they're asses. And if they just watch all this happen - they're asses too.