FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Card games and different forms of tiles started to appear on the tables around him. The Pack loved their games, and more than that, they loved to gamble at the holidays. Bingo would probably start up at some point, and Rayner wanted to be out of the Hall by then. It was too much noise.

Rayner never liked the games, and right now, he had to think for a bit. He didn't like not saying anything to Master Sigmund, but he really couldn't. Not in the middle of the Hall, at least. Maybe it was a cop out but part of him thought if he had been at the old wolf's place, then he would have.

It didn't take long before a wolf carrying some container of food came up to him and sat down. Carl didn't even say anything, he just ate. Rayner tensed up when Carl sat down but the second he saw his brother, Rayner just sort of scoffed and remembered the disdain that Ruby had for Emmett. Rayner wasn't the oldest, though, but then again, he wasn't the pup.

Tess and Meredith showed up shortly afterwards and told the two they were heading back to the house. Carl muttered he'd join them after getting more food. Rayner shook his head but said he'd like to just get back as well. He wasn't feeling in the mood to party tonight. Meredith agreed, she wanted to be as far away from anything social to avoid her father. Carl shocked them all by saying he was told multiple times if he was caught gambling that he'd muck out every barn till June.

"I love May Day food!" Carl yelled holding up his containers of turkey as the group waddled into the house.

The three others agreed with a bit of a laugh as Carl undressed, dumped his food on the counter, and went into his room. A few minutes later, he was out of his dress clothes and back in his shorts. Rayner followed him in after a while, Tess and Meredith followed suit as they shut the door to their room and reemerged more comfortably.

"You going back out for more?" Tess asked Carl as she put on the kettle for tea.

"No way, I'm here for an evening video call with Gab," Carl explained as he sat down at the table. Rayner scoffed as he walked into the room though and looked at Carl with a surprised glare. Smiling, Carl added, "You have to call and introduce Meredith."

"I'm pretty sure that first phone call was enough for today," Rayner argued, "and what if Mom and Dad come home?"

"Both of them are playing cards," Tess explained hopefully, "and how is he going to get used to us if he doesn't talk to us."

"Please?" Meredith added quietly and Rayner's heart dropped at the sight of her.

"Okay," Rayner grumbled as he pulled up his phone and texted Gab, asking if he was up for another call.

Getting back very quickly, Gab texted he was actually at Josh's and that the group had just started studying after the morning walk. Rayner froze for a second trying to figure out how this was going to work but his mild panic increased as Gab said the group wanted to video chat as well. Rayner quickly clarified that he was with his siblings and wanted to introduce another family member to Gab. Rayner really wasn't prepared for Gab texting back that they should just all say hello.

"Okay?" Rayner muttered to himself as he looked up from his phone and tried to figure out how this was going to go.

"What's up?" Tess asked as she made herself tea.

"Apparently, you're all going to meet my city friends as well," Rayner said coolly after swallowing hard. Another text came in through and Rayner groaned louder than he intended as he read it before looking up at Tess and Meredith, "You two need to put on a shirt."

"Why? I didn't have one this morning," Tess argued.

"Yes," Rayner almost hissed, "and I can't believe I didn't realise you weren't until this text. You want to see them? You are wearing a shirt."

"Fine," Tess muttered as she looked from him to Meredith, "You can borrow one of mine to make the city wolves comfortable."

Another text came through and Rayner went off to find his laptop in the room so that they could all see. Josh was calling him now because that way he could bring it up on his monitor. Tess and Meredith came back out and the three of them set up at the table before Rayner was able to sign in.

"Hey!" Rayner waved at the camera as he connected to Josh's call. In front of him, he saw Josh playing with the laptop with Olive, Kacy, and Gab sitting in the background. In Rayner's little self-view window, he saw Carl, Meredith, and Tess sitting behind him trying to look over his shoulder. After a rather complicated set of introductions and confirmations, Rayner sat back and said, "Okay, so now this is everyone that I know altogether. This should be fun."

"Know?" Carl argued, "There's like no one here."

"That they're gay you idiot," Tess said quietly.

"You really weren't kidding when you said he was thin," Meredith quickly added as Carl nodded.

"Oh, he gets thinner," Carl said quickly, looking at the screen, "Hey, Gab, pat your fur down."

"Gab, I may have to cut this off," Rayner said as he shook his head.

"Rayner, it's fine," Gab said but he was holding himself close as Rayner watched, "I sort of told them how this morning went."

"I'm glad," Rayner groaned, then glanced back at his siblings as Meredith approached the screen.

"He really does get thinner," Meredith said, leaning back a bit, "he is cute, though."

"Same sort of question," Kacy said with his muzzle open and his eyes wide, "Meredith do you get bigger?"

"How would that work?" Meredith asked.

"Can you do the strong sort of wolf thing?" Kacy asked as he put his arms up and tried to flex them. Rayner didn't like where this was going. He had completely forgotten about Kacy.

"Yeah," Meredith said, tilting her head and got up and flexed. Rayner didn't say a thing and just let Meredith show off her strength until they all heard a sudden rip as Tess's shirt wasn't able to stretch over Meredith's bicep.

"Holy shit," Kacy whimpered on the other side of the video call, "Rayner really is the small one."

"Tiny is Tiny," Meredith explained as she looked at the sleeve before looking up at Rayner, "see this is why I don't wear shirts."

"I'm not letting you on camera without one," Rayner hissed, "do not take that off."

"That answers my other question," Rayner heard Kacy say quietly.

"Yes, Kacy, the Pack is a lot more open about what appropriate clothing is," Rayner explained, "And yes I am small. I have said that multiple times. My dad, Carl, and Tess are a lot closer to the average size of the Pack and Meredith is about the same size as my mom."

"So how big are they?" Meredith asked and pointed at the screen.

"Gab's a bit shorter than me," Rayner explained as he pointed to the screen, "Josh is about my build but scaled down a bit."

"More fur than muscle though," Josh clarified and the three wolves on Rayner's side nodded.

"And like you really all know about Rayner?" Meredith asked quietly.

"And Gab," Josh added as they all nodded, "Actually, almost a year now since we guessed it when he broke up with Bell."

"And you're like okay with them kissing and touching and everything?" Meredith continued.

"We would be if they actually did," Olive chimed in, "it's no different than Rayner dating Bell."

"Well Gab's smarter, and they actually smell like they like each other," Kacy added. Rayner opened his muzzle but hesitated when he heard them all agree.

"Yeah, that was a surprise," Tess whispered, getting a curious look from Meredith and a hard glare from Rayner.

"What about for you three?" Josh asked.

"I've known since January but these two are less than twenty-four hours," Tess explained, "and same as you. It's like Bell but they actually like each other."

"Tiny's always been different though," Meredith added in an awkward push, "him being gay is a different sort of different but not like extremely different from his usual."

"He's still just Tiny," Carl added with a nod.

"Pack will probably have a bunch of shit to say," Meredith added quickly, "My dad will go deep crazy, but the more I sort of think about it, Rayner's probably the best to push the Pack into accepting him."

"Guaranteed there are other wolves than me that would be accepted," Rayner added quietly, getting both Carl and Tess to nod. Upon seeing the two, Meredith gave a half smirk to herself and looked back up at the camera.

"So you've known for a long time?" Meredith asked.

"Umm, I think it was October he let it slip that the mystery wolf he was trying to meet again was actually a guy," Olive explained, "it was an emotional afternoon but after that, it became sort of a thing to talk about. Josh and I thought I had a bit of warning because I had talked to Bell after the whole thing dissolved."

"I'm still mad you didn't include me," Kacy said quietly.

"You would have said something," Olive pointed out, "Rayner had to tell us."

"I would have understood that," Kacy complained, "I just don't like being the last one of us to find out."

"I only found out Rayner was gay in February," Gab added quietly.

"Yes but it took you that long to come out as well," Kacy argued, "Plus, you were really guarded about being gay a couple months ago. Hell, even a couple weeks ago you looked like you were a pup stealing candy when you were holding hands with Rayner."

"I guess," Gab said quietly.

"Granted, we were all rather surprised when you said you had marked each other," Kacy added and Gab's ears quickly went back.

"Why? What?" Meredith asked bluntly before Rayner could say anything, "Was he hard to aim at?"

"Skoll above, Meredith, no," Rayner groaned, "Marking is absolutely not something the city does."

"Then why did you do it?" Meredith asked, "Isn't that sort of risking it?"

"I was honest about what happens out here when we had a couple of dates," Rayner explained, "Gab said he wanted to be the one to join my family if we became really serious and that he wanted to... I don't know."

"Rayner said it was about becoming a serious pair," Gab explained quietly, "that we were the ones that we wanted to date. I wanted to be with Rayner and... I sort of want to join your Pack. You know, eventually."

"That was enough to say let's pee on each other?" Meredith asked quietly, "I always thought the marking ritual was more about seeing each other in the fur than about wanting the other to stop looking for anyone else."

"I don't know," Gab grumbled, "he made it sound special and we had already seen each other. Everything has moved really fast and it's been nice to know there's some sort of structure to this."

"Fast?" Kacy scoffed, "You haven't 'mated' yet. It has been four months."

"Yeah but that's unprotected tying," Tess argued back, "I don't think I would be willing to after that little."

"You think these two have had protected... anything?" Kacy asked back.

"If they are enjoying each other," Tess tried to sound neutral but Rayner could hear the slight sharpness in her voice, "what does it matter what they do?"

"I don't know," Kacy muttered, "it just seems like it would get frustrating to be so close but not be able to connect in that way."

"Can't miss what we haven't had," Rayner explained, "Gab and I are having the best sex I have ever had even if we are only using our paws."

"And muzzles, right?" Kacy asked quickly as Gab looked away, "Seriously? You two aren't even vanilla... This is like hearing about how you two enjoy unflavoured ice cream."

"I like him," Carl whispered as he laughed quietly.

"Of course you fucking do," Rayner groaned.

"I like what we do, too," Gab said quietly.

"And that's what's important," Tess argued, glaring at Carl.

"It's really weird to have you all talk about what we do though," Gab said quickly, "is this normal?"

"Fuck no," Kacy answered, "but it's hard not to ask questions. You two are so fucking weird... but not like bad different but just like really different from us... or at least me."

"No it's probably all of us Kacy," Olive said as she shook her head, "Sorry Gab, this wasn't meant to make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah sorry Gab," Tess added.

"I'm uncomfortable too," Rayner complained.

"Yeah, but you're family," Carl explained, "and you know we are really toning it down."

"I'm not," Tess argued, "I don't think Meredith is either."

"Well I really only had one other question," Meredith said quietly, "Is that the husky your parents think you're dating?"

"Yeah, Olive, umm, my parents think we are dating," Rayner groaned and glared at Meredith, "I have told them we are not."

"Not the first time someone has assumed that," Olive said casually.

"Okay, so wait if beings assume that, could you actually fit him inside you?" Carl asked curiously.

"What the actual fuck Carl?" Rayner yelled.

"She seemed okay with it," Carl argued.

"Weirdly, I have actually looked it up after Bell blamed me for the whole thing with you two," Olive added, "Unless he's quite large for a-"

"He's not," Carl interrupted.

"Then probably," Olive said as she quickly frowned.

"So could you have wolf pups?" Carl asked.

"From what I read, I'd need to monitor if we had pups together," Olive explained, "but the only real concern would be if the pup's shoulders became too wide for my hips. It's just a caesarean if they do though."

"Oh good," Rayner groaned.

"See, I'm not sure why everyone thinks the city gets scandalised so easily," Carl argued.

"Because I am," Rayner muttered, "I didn't actually think a wolf hybrid like that was doable."

"She says she is," Carl pointed out. Rayner just closed his eyes tightly at that.

"I now understand why you're okay with Kacy," Olive groaned.

"I'm not okay with a lot of what Kacy says," Rayner explained, "I'm just used to it."

"And no one out here is okay with Carl," Tess added.

"A lot of wolves out here are far more open than you two," Carl shot back, "Sex is like art, some of us actually want to enjoy it and get better."

"Hey, I want both of those," Tess argued.

"You read how-to guides in your room," Carl explained, "Even Rayner can't learn all of his math stuff from just reading the textbook. Sometimes you need to see it and ask questions."

"I think the art department does that," Kacy said, mostly to himself.

"That's for portrait drawing," Olive explained, "if it was a health class it would be the lecture hall in Chemistry."

"That would be awful," Rayner scoffed, "four hundred beings shoved into a room watching porn."

"How's that different from every other day?" Kacy laughed as Olive turned to glare at him.

"Is that like movie theatre?" Carl asked after a couple of seconds of laughing.

"Sort of," Rayner said as he shook his head, "like the one in town but with a podium and small desks attached to the seats."

"I don't think I could fucking do that," Carl groaned, "That sounds awful."

"If you go to college," Rayner explained, "you'll probably get a sixty-being room at the absolute largest."

"A lot of colleges have an average of twenty to forty as their max seating," Olive added.

"So still worse than school," Carl muttered.

"Holy shit, how many beings went to your high school?" Josh asked.

"It was hundred fifty-ish for the whole school," Carl shrugged, "I can't imagine twenty beings shoved into a room trying to learn together."

"My smallest was twenty-five," Gab said quietly.

"What the fuck?" Carl almost gasped, "My largest was seventeen, and that was a pain. I can't imagine that, it'd be pure chaos all the time."

"City is different, Carl," Rayner explained before looking up at the screen and saying, "And rural's a lot different than the city."

"Twenty-five beings shoved into a room would make it a lot easier to sneak out," Carl said nodding to himself, "Hey, do the nerds in the back of that movie theatre thing do the same thing everyone else does?"

"Maybe?" Rayner said, utterly exhausted, "I haven't."

"No," Kacy corrected, "the room's usually very bright and full of very obvious cameras."

"That's disappointing," Carl muttered but then looked up at the screen and said, "Should probably get going, though. Rayner's probably excited to show Gab his-"

"I will fucking murder you on camera if you finish that sentence," Rayner turned and growled.

"Fine," Carl said, putting his paws up as he got up from his seat, "City wolves seem fine with you enjoying your unflavoured ice cream. Nice to meet you all!"

"Good to meet you!" a chorus came from the laptop as Carl opened and entered his room. Tess was shaking her head, but Meredith was just watching.

"So that's my brother," Rayner muttered.

"Was?" Kacy started cautiously, "Was he being... was he toned down?"

"Yes," Tess answered instantly and nodded.

"What does unfiltered Carl sound like?" Kacy asked quietly. Rayner hoped it was to himself because he wasn't going to answer that.

"I'm shocked he didn't ask if it tasted like unflavoured ice cream," Meredith muttered, but loud enough for them all to hear. The three dogs on screen all tried to hold back a laugh. Gab, though looked like he was trying to think about it.

"I know mine doesn't!" Carl yelled from his bedroom, causing the city group actually to start laughing. Meredith and Tess nodded together though, as Rayner grabbed onto his muzzle in embarrassment.

"Holy shit," Kacy gasped through a couple of laughs, "that's amazing. He didn't even hesitate. I can't imagine how anyone out there would have a problem with you two if that's considered normal."

"It's different," Rayner started as he tried to figure out how to say this, "Carl's very liberal-"

"You take that back!" Carl yelled again.

"Carl's very open," Rayner groaned, "I think my generation is a lot different than what my parents grew up with because of the whole thing in the eighties. There's still a lot here who are very much sex is for pups mentality it's just they see it as if any pups are good pups. Marriage is something you do after you get pregnant."

"My dad's very vocally against a lot of newer," Meredith added on but then paused and switched to a different strategy, "Dad's speciest, sexist, homophobic and probably a couple other things. He's literally told me that having a pup would make me happier because I'm a woman."

"But even bringing a female husky out to an all-wolf pack would probably not go over well," Tess added in.

"Good to know," Olive said quietly.

"The current heads of the Pack, though," Rayner said and shook his head, "they are different, I hope. You know after listening a lot this weekend, it's interesting to hear that the Pack is a lot more complicated than what I assumed."

"Well, how are your parents taking you dating a husky?" Josh asked, "Not that you are."

"Dad's weirdly okay with it," Rayner said rather dumbfounded, "he was annoyed with me that I let Gab go with Olive to get the de-winterizing treatment because, and I kid you not, he's a 'city wolf.' I think he actually thinks Gab is competition in all of this."

"I don't know Rayner," Olive said slyly, "Gab does have this thin metro thing going on that's pretty hot. Maybe you should consider me your competition."

"He is out of my league and you did take him on a way better date than I could have," Rayner conceded. Gab tucked his ears down and looked away from the camera as they talked, but he was biting his lips. Rayner watched for a second and then, with a smile, added, "However, some of our best times together were just eating soup in the cafeteria."

"And coffee morning where you held my paws," Gab said after laughing quietly to himself.

"I don't know, Rayner," Josh laughed, "Olive's pretty crafty. You better watch out."

"Have to do something special when I get home," Rayner laughed. He suddenly realised what he said, though, and went quiet. When he got home? Where was home if it wasn't where he was sitting right now? Wasn't he supposed to bring Gab home?

"Are you worried about your roommates?" Gab asked, breaking Rayner out of his thoughts. Gab looked around a bit before adding, "Sorry, I think when they saw me, they sort of knew."

"No, and that's not your fault," Rayner said sternly, making Gab flinch unintentionally, "I don't care what they think. I only have them for a couple more weeks anyway."

"Okay," Gab said quietly.

"Look," Rayner softened his tone, "I'll deal with them before I meet up with you on Monday. If my apartment doesn't feel safe to you anymore, we can figure something out, but I'll definitely make it safe. All I want is to get back and hug you."

"Will you smell like the hearths?" Gab asked quietly.

"No," Rayner groaned, both Tess and Meredith laughed, getting a rather mixed reaction from the other group.

"Sorry, it's just everything out here smells like cow," Rayner explained quickly before glancing at Tess and then back at the camera, "Actually, I'm going to use some de-scenting shampoo when I get back to try and get rid of it."

"Text me when you're ready then," Gab said with a smile.

"And every other time I can," Rayner said quietly.

"Well, it was nice meeting you all," Tess said with a wave.

"Yes," Meredith added, "it was worth putting on a shirt for, but I'm probably going to rip this thing entirely."

"I told you it was too tight for me," Tess argued.

"I totally want to see that," Kacy almost begged as Meredith got up.

Laughing Meredith, flexed and twisted. The fabric, Rayner was grateful for, ripped all the way down her back and across her right arm as she moved. Keeping the shirt pressed against her, she looked back at the camera with a smile.

"That was amazing," Kacy in a dazed muffle.

"You really are into strong chicks, aren't you?" Olive asked as she tilted her head back.

"Do I smell it?" Kacy asked plainly, "That was just cool. Wolf or dog, dude or chick, that was cool."

"Have a good evening," Josh laughed as he waved at the camera. Kacy and Olive waved as well but didn't say anything.

"I love you, Rayner," Gab almost whispered as he smiled and waved at the camera.

"I love you so much, Gab," Rayner said softly, "Hope you have a wonderful evening. Sorry for all the calls and the chaos."

"Your family is so weird," Gab admitted softly, "but they... I don't know, makes me want to go out there more."

"You want to deal with the cow smell?" Rayner asked and shook his head.

"Don't wash," Gab said and nodded, "I want to smell what home smells like before you do."

"Home?" Rayner asked quietly.

"It's where the heart is," Gab said, "my home is wherever you are."

"Oh Gab, my home is wherever you are as well," Rayner said quietly, "and I can't wait to be back home."

When he finally hit the button to end the call, Rayner caught himself before he let out a whimper at letting Gab go. Had home really become where Gab was? Maybe it was just that he wanted that to become the reality. Rayner knew he wanted this to work out. He also realised that he was putting effort into making Gab comfortable.

"Wish I could find someone that would make me smell like that," Meredith said quietly after Tess got up and got a jug of water out of the fridge.

"That's only after like a five-minute video call in front of family," Tess laughed, and Rayner tilted his ears back as he turned to look at her, "You should have been here Friday morning after they woke up together."

"Heat?" Meredith asked as she looked up. Rayner sighed and relaxed a bit.

"He is shy and anxious," Rayner said quietly, "holding him... even touching him is a big thing. He grew up believing that he'd become sick just because he was with a guy, and I think his home life is like yours."

"That sucks," Meredith muttered and shook her head.

"Every time I see him, it's like I know he wants to be with me, and that's really powerful," Rayner continued, "He's really pushing himself to be more comfortable. I don't know if it'll work out or if shit will go sideways or whatever, but I want to be with him. I didn't find him out here, though."

"Yeah, you said," Meredith said quietly, "It's starting to feel like your digging but what the fuck am I going to do at college?"

"Take something you're interested in," Rayner explained simply.

"I hate school, though," Meredith complained.

"Then don't take that academic shit," Rayner almost scoffed, "is there anything on the farm you do that you want to do more of? Tess said she wants to be one of the chefs."

"All I want is just something simple," Meredith groaned, putting her head on the table. Quietly, she added, "I just don't want to be exhausted all the time."

"Well, is there anything you don't want to do?" Rayner tried again.

"No," Meredith muttered.

"Okay, well, umm, simple," Rayner said as he pondered for a moment, "you could do crop stuff, learn how that big ass fucking combine thing works, and just be the wolf who deals with it."

"I fucking hate that thing," Meredith complained, "you can't work on it, you can barely even look at it, and everything on the dash is crazy. I have no idea how Bensen can even understand it."

"I don't think he does," Tess laughed, "I think it's just he's done it for the last twenty years, he knows what it should do rather than what it's actually doing. Still, it has air conditioning."

"Okay, well, it's still farming. It's more consistent than cattle," Rayner explained.

"I prefer the cows over the fields," Meredith admitted quietly.

"Good," Rayner said excitedly, "What do you want to do with the cows?"

"I don't have a fucking clue," Meredith complained, "Why are you all excited?"

"Because we have a direction," Rayner explained, "Is there anything you want never to do again?"

"Pick up Dad's shit," Meredith almost growled.

"And Anthony is basically just a paw," Rayner said to himself, "Well, you could be a vet or like an assistant... I think it's something like tech, or you could be one of the supervisors like Mom, or you could look into helping the Pack do R and D."

"What does Aunt Bev do?" Meredith asked.

"I think she's like half vet, half in research. Mostly genetics," Rayner said as he tried to think of what Bev actually did, "Why?"

"I'm fine with Calving, but I worked with her once, and that was enough," Meredith complained.

"Don't blame you," Rayner agreed, "I can never unhear those noises."

"The smell did it for me," Meredith said and shuddered.

"You know she has a team, though," Tess argued, "Bill never deals with insemination. He mostly deals with the quality of the meat."

"Butchering or Dairy, I could be fine with," Meredith agreed.

"Okay," Rayner said happily, "Let's look for that."

Shocking to all of them but Rayner, they spent the next couple of hours pouring over different colleges and programs. Carl came out of his room about forty-five minutes after they had started and started asking questions. He said he heard them talk about Bensen and wanted to know how he could get that 'gig', as he called it.

Turned out New Southaven College, about an hour away, had a wide array of programs that they could take that seemed to fit their interest. The city was about a tenth the size of Riverview but had a similar layout and was actually located next to the same river. They found it only after figuring out where Meredith could take a Dairy or Beef major, and Tess could take Culinary Arts. The more local college had been Tess' plan but was open to change if it meant that she and Meredith could stay together.

Carl blew a raspberry when he discovered that he could take a two-year course on crops that included multiple courses on farm equipment. Rayner wasn't sure what that meant, but he wouldn't stop him from searching. His brother wasn't that into technology, but he hogged the laptop for about thirty minutes as he read. Eventually, he stated that he wished he'd had known of this in high school.

"You were probably told about it," Rayner argued, looking up from his now cold tea, "And it's not like you can't go now."

"Yeah, why not?" Meredith asked, "We could get an apartment in New Southaven together."

"Yeah," Tess added, "Like Rayner has in Riverview."

"I'm not sure if having an hour and a half commute to the farm is a good idea," Carl complained.

"Why?" Rayner asked, "I have a three and half hour commute."

"What about work?" Carl looked up and explained, "I don't want to have to drive three hours just to go between work and sleep."

"College is work, Carl," Rayner said sharply, "your job would be to go to college. I'm only expected to work when I come back over the holidays."

"High school took up like six hours," Carl complained, "How is this different?"

"Because you actually have to do the homework," Rayner argued, "and possibly study."

"I didn't have homework," Carl shot back, "I did class work in class like I was supposed to."

"Oh yeah," Rayner said, shaking his head, "There's no work periods anymore. And there is actual homework."

"Oh," Meredith muttered, "That sucks."

"It's honestly not that bad," Rayner tried to back peddle, "It's stuff that you should actually be interested in instead of the generalist stuff and constant overview classes they pushed you through."

"More girls, though, right?" Carl asked quietly.

"More girls," Rayner confirmed, "and the amount of them that are related to you is significantly less."

"Okay, fuck it," Carl groaned, "how do I sign up?"

"I can't believe thinking with your knot actually led you to the right decision," Tess teased.

"I'm not any better," Meredith admitted, "let's say seven hours of work a day, datable wolves that I'm not related to, and, and I cannot stress this enough, not having to deal with my dad's fucking shit, sign me up."

"Talk to Sigmund tomorrow," Rayner explained, "He'll probably walk you all through it. He helped me through getting into U of R, and he can get you started on the paperwork you'd need to fill out to get funding from the Pack. You can actually download the syllabus to the classes you'll take, though if you want to look further."

"Syllabus?" Carl asked.

"Like an overview of the course," Rayner explained, "Topics, learning outcomes, and explanations. Sometimes it has all the homework listed as well."

"So I could pre-game all this shit?" Carl asked, rather shocked, "Isn't that cheating?"

"No," Rayner scoffed at about the same level of shock as Carl, "not at all."

"Do you do that with your courses?" Meredith asked.

"Yes?" Rayner asked but then looked at the three of them and confirmed, "Yeah, umm, me and my friends actually made a day out of it back in February... and like back in September. Then we had another day where we switched sections if we didn't like the prof."

"Oh, kick-ass," Carl said, looking back down at the computer, "So if I get some bitch again, I can just switch out the teacher?"

"In the first two weeks, yes," Rayner said hesitantly, "it's not like you can take a course the entire time and then switch out at the final."

"Which teacher did you get?" Tess asked as they all watched Carl single-finger type in whatever he was searching.

"Ms Bitch," Carl said emphatically but continued when no one seemed to clue in, "Ms B? Crazy long eastern European name that no one remembered."

"Oh!" Rayner clued in after a few seconds of silence, "Carl, she retired two years ago."

"The old dog everyone kept calling the headmistress?" Tess asked.

"Yeah, her," Rayner confirmed and nodded, "Never had her, but yeah, there was a farewell to her before I did my speech."

"How could you hate her?" Tess asked and looked at Carl. Looking up from the computer, Carl glared at her.

"Because she was a complete, insufferable bitch to be around," Carl argued, "No matter what I did she'd always be 'you could do better,' or 'you're wasting yourself,' or some shit. I almost didn't graduate because she wanted me to redo a fucking project that I got a passing grade on."

"Carl, she's not a bitch for seeing you weren't taking school seriously," Tess argued.

"She was when I told her directly what my goals were and then spent the next two fucking years trying to make me do what she thought was better," Carl argued, "Fucking senior year, all I heard was, 'your brother works so hard. You could get his marks if you tried.' She was when she knew that wasn't my goal. I wanted to work. I got sent to the fucking office for telling her that wasting two years' worth of her motivational poster slogans because she couldn't fucking listen was worse than any imaginary slight she thought I committed."

"Are we sure Carl's not the reason she retired?" Tess asked with a laugh.

"I doubt the woman who oversaw Drew Testers' schooling was even phased by Carl," Rayner explained.

"Oh, shit, really?" Meredith asked as she and Tess looked up.

"That must have been fucked up," Tess agreed, "I mean, what do you even say about that?"

"I asked her once," Carl admitted, "What's it like to have taught someone who ended up raping and eating three cats? You know what she said?"

"No," Meredith muttered when Carl seemed to want an answer.

"That poor soul was lost in a dark place long before I met him," Carl forlornly quoted but then sharply continued with, "and then she sent me to the fucking office."

"That sounds about right," Tess laughed and nodded, "what are you searching up?"

"Different classes," Carl muttered as he looked back down at the laptop and finished typing, "Why?"

"I want to print the overview sheets Rayner was talking about to a couple of my classes," Tess explained.

"Oh, actually, if I could get the one to the milk quality class printed," Meredith almost chirped, "I'd appreciate it."

"Here, you type faster than I do," Carl said as he turned the laptop toward Tess, "I copied the link so I can go back to where I was, though, so don't lose it."

"Cool, not like Rayner isn't faster, but whatever," Tess said with an unimpressed smirk as she took the laptop over, "I'm just going to open a new tab and work on it like a normal wolf, but I'll make sure your link is saved."

"I'm sorry, I don't have a laptop like you two," Carl said mockingly.

"You can use Mom's," Tess shot back as she glanced up at him.

"I'm not using mom's," Carl almost scoffed, "she has all that scheduling stuff on it. Plus, if I want to look at the internet, I just use my phone."

"Just going to be all porn, isn't it?" Tess muttered as she searched. Carl didn't answer directly but tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement.

When Tess turned the laptop back around, she told them she was going out to the office to grab their printing and walk around for a bit. Rayner and Meredith talked a little about how the workflow from high school was different as Carl continued to look up the courses on Crop Technology. For the first time in a while, Rayner saw his brother engrossed in something other than local gossip or gambling.

The courses Tess had printed came out stapled and hole-punched. The massive all-in-one that Sigmund and Rayner had basically demanded a couple of years ago was always well used but very rarely used well. Tess said she learned a lot of the ins and outs of it, though, by talking to one of the teachers at school. They had a more advanced model but were from the same company, so she got her paws on a digital user guide.

Rayner had them go through and highlight important aspects of each of their classes and things they wanted to learn about. It took very little time. The syllabus for each course was much more in-depth than the one- or two-page summary he got for his. Each had all the research he usually had to do included in them, saving a lot of time that Rayner was worried about.

At around ten, Anitta and Victor opened their door to find their three wolves and their niece sitting around the kitchen table with a stack of papers in front of them. Anitta, very loudly, announced that multiple wolves had all been looking for them, to which they all seemed indifferent. Most of this was to avoid Anthony, and if that meant avoiding others, then so be it. Though not impressed with their attitude, Anitta grumbled, waved a paw at them, and went straight to bed. Victor told them that their mother would not enjoy tomorrow after she closed the door hard.

Before Victor followed his wife, Meredith asked if she could stay over and finish looking at the coursework. Victor nodded and told her to text her mother to ensure they know where she is. They were in town, and Pinewood wasn't the city, but an injured pup in the woods was about as terrifying as a missing pup in town. Meredith wrote the text but Rayner noticed she didn't send it.

Breakfast the next morning they all had at the hall. It was a similar sort of feast that had been set out for the celebrations the night before but with a lot more eggs and hungover wolves. Anitta groaned through most of breakfast and told any wolf that listened that five mugs of wine weren't worth it. She tried to hit a chipper wolf Rayner assumed was a cousin though when he said seven was the right amount. They all tried not to laugh with varying degrees of success.

The plan after breakfast became trying to find Sigmund to talk to him about College. Rayner had to step in for his mother to find his schedule as the older wolf absolutely refused to touch her laptop. The problem with Sunday in general and, worse, the day after May Day was that very little was entered. Read plainly, they all had the day off though if they weren't hungover, there was an expectation that they would help clean. They eventually found Sigmund working with a group of wolves trying to get the tents down, but it took a bit to get him away. When they did though, he seemed happy at the escape.

In his office, they went through their plans and showed him everything they had looked through the night before. Rayner had come along for moral support more than anything but listened intently as Sigmund discussed their options. Tess had already talked to him, and changing the plan to go to New Southaven was approved with little effort. With Carl and Meredith, though, he'd have to go through and talk with a couple of the wolves that would basically become their new supervisors after their degree. He didn't think there would be a problem, in fact, he actually liked that the two of them had such an interest. It was mostly that he had to follow protocol.

Their living plans had to be changed a bit. It turned out the Pack actually owned a house in New Southaven for the purpose of putting wolves through the college. Sigmund absently told them that it was a lot more cost-effective just to purchase a property there when they were usually sending one or two wolves a year. There would be four in the house the first year they went, as the Pack already had a wolf going through as a vet tech that the four knew only by name.

They all left the office fairly upbeat, not as upbeat as Sigmund was now that he had non-cleaning chores to do, but they had a plan. Rayner smiled to himself, remembering what it felt like after leaving Sigmund's office the first time. It was different for him, as Rayner's future with a computing degree wasn't entirely planned out, however, he still had a purpose. He hoped they felt a little more secure than he did as well. There were multiple times when Rayner, in his last year of high school, thought about calling it all off and just staying in Pinewood. The memory of how close he came to never being able to meet Gab made him shudder.

Gab made Rayner think about Meredith's admission the day before. He wasn't sure if he should bring it up again, but he felt he probably should. Meredith and Tess followed each other around for most of the day, and it was hard to see a good time to bring it up until Meredith told them she wanted to go check on the calves they worked on yesterday. Quickly, Rayner said he'd go with her with the kit just in case.

They drove in silence, Meredith was hesitant even when Rayner had said he'd be coming with her but couldn't see any way out of it. Technically she was going so that she was away from the hall and away from possible interactions with family. She wasn't sure if this was much better.

"What I said yesterday," Meredith muttered after a couple of seconds of silence after she put the truck in park, "I'm not sure of. I'm sorry I told you."

"If it's for my sake, then don't be," Rayner said quietly, "and I wasn't sure of anything until I actually started dating. Was yesterday the first time you-"

"No. For a while," Meredith muttered and looked intently at the steering wheel, "I said something when I was thirteen that triggered a bunch of stuff that... I really tried to hide... or deny."

"You did a lot better than I did then," Rayner said with a chuckle but then added with a cool tone, "with a lot shittier experience."

"I looked up, umm, dating," Meredith said quietly.

"And?" Rayner asked quietly, "Got any lesbian bars?"

"Fuck off," Meredith scoffed, "but yes-ish. It looks... is this really what I have to do?"

"Sort of," Rayner admitted, "sometimes there's a queer youth group with college-"

"There is, but it looks very gay," Meredith said quickly, "It's so gay. Like sparkle rainbows and obscene glitter-level gay."

"RiverBEND has the same sort of branding," Rayner admitted with a laugh, "it's not as, umm, I think the term is flaming as the posters make it look. My guess is whoever actually designed the logo is that gay but the group is a lot more reserved."

"I don't know if I can do this," Meredith whispered.

"Get to Southaven first," Rayner said calmly, "whatever comes after is in a new place. And at least you know when you tell Tess and Carl, they will be supportive."

"It's still hard to think about even if I know," Meredith muttered as she started to breathe deeply, "I'm not weird like you. Wolves expect me to-"

"Wolves only expect what they are presented with," Rayner interrupted, "When you come out, when you find a girl you love, when they see you and her are happy, and when you bring her back they will see you for who you are and how important it is."

"And if they don't?" Meredith whispered.

"You told me to go first," Rayner said quietly, "You'll know what happens when I do it."

"Fuck Rayner," Meredith said quietly, "I couldn't go first. Like... Technically Uncle Harry went first. I don't know how you're doing this."

"I have Gab, Meredith," Rayner explained, "I have three failed tries with women, one was a spectacular failure, so I know. I know who I want to be with, and I know why."

"You just love cock?" Meredith said weakly and tried to laugh.

"I love his cock and everything it's attached to," Rayner said, nodding and laughing. Taking a deep breath, he turned and seriously said, "I honestly would have never dreamed of saying that a year ago. It's so fucking weird. Saying it, though helps in such a weird way. What did you say when you were thirteen?"

"I wish I could just date you," Meredith whispered, "I said it to Alyssa Hill."

"What did she say back," Rayner asked.

"Two words," Meredith muttered, "Ew. No."

"What a bitch," Rayner scoffed, "Even if you were joking, that's fucking harsh."

"Yeah, well," Meredith said, "she's pretty and, you know, more city than out here. At least she killed that crush quickly."

"I guess," Rayner muttered, "still seems like a really shitty way to find out your gay."

"Oh no, it absolutely sucked," Meredith admitted, "I went home that day and whimpered like a pup for like, an hour. Then denied that it happened for over a year. I haven't really spoken to her since then, but, you know, it's like after I said it I realised I meant it."

"So your thing with what his name was?" Rayner asked quietly.

"A huge fucking mistake," Meredith said with a laugh, "I thought maybe I was confused or something, or maybe I could force it. He tied me and everything, and I felt like I was just along for the ride... I really wanted that to work, but it made it absolutely clear in my mind that I just don't like guys like that."

"You want to marry the princess?" Rayner asked.

"I can't believe you didn't say shit after my comment about cock," Meredith laughed but then swallowed hard and gripped the stering wheel.

"Different places Meredith," Rayner said quietly, "Would you have preferred if I said something crude."

"I like vag Rayner," Meredith said loudly and then caught herself before she could whimper, "I want a girlfriend. I am a fucking lesbian... Holy fuck, I'm a fucking lesbian."

"Well, not a fucking one," Rayner said quietly.

"Fuck," Meredith laughed and shook her head, "I guess not. Fuck that feels weird to say."

"Oh?" Rayner asked.

"I didn't want it to feel right," Meredith muttered.

"I know that feeling," Rayner agreed.

"Rayner," Meredith whimpered, "I don't want to do this."

"Fuck," Rayner muttered as he jumped out of the truck and ran around to the other side. Opening up Meredith's door, he pulled her out into a hug as she tried to steady herself. Collapsing, she brought Rayner with her until both were sitting on the ground. Rayner whispered to her after trying to support himself, "Let it out."

"I don't want to be," Meredith whimpered as she shook into Rayner's hug, "I don't want my dad to hate me."

"I'm sorry," Rayner whispered.

"I'm a good girl," Meredith whispered on repeat until Rayner found the words he was looking for.

"Meredith, you are regardless of who you love," Rayner whispered, "You are one of the strongest wolves I know and your fucking seventeen."

"I'm not," Meredith whimpered, "I'm not. I feel fucking broken and scared and lost. Pack full of wolves I am so fucking alone."

"Trust," Rayner whispered, "You have to trust the wolves you're with not to be alone. Do you trust me?"

"No," Meredith almost spat out, "I slipped. I just fucking said it. I can't... You can't tell anyone."

"Meredith look at me," Rayner whispered and held her head up. When Meredith eventually looked at him, Rayner firmly and slowly said, "You're secret will never leave me."

"Please," Meredith whimpered, "Please, you can't tell anyone."

"I won't tell a soul Meredith," Rayner said firmly and pulled her back into a hug, "Not even Gab."

"Fuck," Meredith whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"No, Meredith," Rayner whispered back, "I'm sorry you've been alone for so long."

"Fuck," Meredith whimpered hard and then descended into a just shuddering.

Pulling back a bit, Rayner cupped her head differently and moved closer again. Meredith seemed to understand and latched onto his neck with her muzzle and almost screamed into him as she shook. Minutes passed as Meredith squeezed Rayner harder than he imagined, but he never let go. He'd never dream of it. Josh was there for him when he needed someone. Part of him was happy he could be there for her when she needed it.

In a field a ways away from the hall of wolves cleaning up a celebration about lifelong commitments and love, two wolves sat in fear. Rayner wanted to trust that the Pack would accept him and Gab. He didn't know, though. A thousand questions bounced through his head as Meredith held onto him for some semblance of security she'd never felt before. What would happen to her if he wasn't accepted?

"How you feeling?" Rayner asked quietly as Meredith started to calm down.

"I'm sorry," Meredith said raggedly, "Please, also, don't tell anyone I just did that."

"I won't," Rayner whispered and shifted a bit, feeling his neck, he added, "When I came out to the group, I think sobbed for a good fifteen minutes."

"So it's just meant to suck?" Meredith chuckled softly.

"When you live in fear, it probably is. I slipped and told them by accident," Rayner admitted, "It wasn't even a conscious thing. I just said, 'I can't find him' and then everything sort of crumpled in on itself. Saying it more often has helped, though."

"Huh, Rayner, I'm a lesbian," Meredith whispered and whimpered softly. With a laugh, she whispered again, "I'm a lesbian."

"And I still love you," Rayner whispered, "You're still my cousin, you're still my friend, and I still trust you. You're a good wolf, Meredith."

"I love you too," Meredith whispered and hugged him tightly as she breathed deeply, "Thank you for coming out here with me... and for everything yesterday and last night."

"I'm really glad you're going to Southaven," Rayner whispered, "You need to get out of that house."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed and then asked, "Do you actually think I'll find a girlfriend?"

"Absolutely," Rayner said and nodded, "the first or second might not be the one you bring home, but you'll definitely find one. The city is a big place, and guaranteed you'll find a tail that you're at least interested in."

"Fuck," Meredith whispered and rocked back and forth a little before saying, "Rayner, I'm a lesbian. I like women."

"And you find one that likes you," Rayner whispered back.

"And I will spend every fucking heat with her," Meredith whispered aggressively, "And every day after that pretending that we are in heat."

"Jumped right over the first kiss and all that, but okay," Rayner chuckled.

"Look, you might be slow," Meredith said sternly but lost her focus and had to swallow before continuing, "but I want to feel her... with me."

"And you will," Rayner said with a smile.

"Rayner," Meredith whispered, "I'm a lesbian... and I'm still your friend."

"You are Meredith," Rayner confirmed.

"Thank you," Meredith whimpered just above a whisper, "Thank you for not hating me."

"Thank you for not hating me," Rayner whispered back and put his paw on her shoulder.

"Oh fuck Rayner," Meredith whispered exhaustedly as she took a few shallow breaths and then coughed. Steadying herself, she leaned back, and Rayner heard her back crack like a rattle as she sat up. Sighing, she said, "I think I'm okay."

"You sure?" Rayner asked as she started to get up. Meredith didn't really answer. After standing up, she stretched and then looked at his neck and frowned. Rayner felt how wet it was, but it honestly didn't matter to him. Shaking his head, he said, "I'll wash off before anyone sees me. I have to go get my winter coat blown off anyway."

"Thank you," Meredith said quietly as Rayner stood up. Pulling him into another hug, she took a couple deep breaths before letting go. Looking down, she asked, "Does this get easier?"

"Fuck no," Rayner said, "You get stronger, and the unknowns become known, but whatever happens isn't because of some passive shit. It's you who can handle it better. Be proud of that."

"I'm a lesbian," Meredith whispered and nodded.

"And I'm still your friend," Rayner whispered back.

"And you're still Tiny," Meredith said with a nod, "and we are still a pack."

"Dibs out on leading," Rayner said quickly.

"Yeah, no, fuck that," Meredith said with a laugh, "I'll push Tess into leading."

"She'd be good at it," Rayner agreed, "Lead the Circle one day."

"Right!" Meredith agreed, "not that I'm sure I want her to, but I'd totally bring a girl back if Tess were Speaker of the Circle."

"Wouldn't even hesitate to bring Gab back," Rayner agreed.

"I can't believe you're actually going to do that," Meredith whispered, "Bring your boyfriend out and declare him?"

"Yes," Rayner said sternly, "I'm gay, I have a boyfriend and one day I would like to make him my husband, and I want to be part of the Pack when I do all that."

"I'm a lesbian, I want a girlfriend who will eventually become my wife," Meredith whispered and nodded. She took a deep breath but was able to say, "I want to find a wife."

"Weird feeling, right?" Rayner asked as she smiled to herself.

"I want to find a girl that loves me," Meredith whispered again before looking up at him and saying, "Weirdly freeing just to be able to say it."

"Yeah, I love Gab," Rayner agreed and smiled. As Meredith chuckled to herself, Rayner quickly added, "I love more than just his knot."

"That's not what I was going to say," Meredith laughed, "It's just you are cute when you say his name. You're all happy and shit."

"I am," Rayner admitted, "One day, you'll find a girl who makes you feel the same."

"In New Southaven," Meredith looked up and smiled before swallowing hard and groaning, "Oh fuck, we should probably get back."

"When we are ready," Rayner said.

"Yeah," Meredith muttered and nodded. Taking a few deep breaths, Meredith looked toward where the hall was and then back to Rayner. Quietly she said, "What I said."

"Won't leave me," Rayner quickly answered when Meredith hesitated.

"Not that," Meredith tried to explain, "Rayner, I do trust you... What I said, it's just it's all messed up in my head."

"I think I felt something similar when I told Josh," Rayner said quietly after a moment of silence, "I trusted them to keep the secret afterwards, but I didn't trust them enough to tell them it."

"Yeah," Meredith muttered and nodded, "Fuck, that sounds really shitty."

"Meredith, you're out to someone," Rayner explained, "that's huge, you know. That's not shitty."

"It's definitely not all sparkles and rainbows," Meredith complained, "Gay fucking glitter and shit."

"Yes, but if you're fucking with glitter," Rayner laughed, remembering one of the RiverBEND presentations, "buy the glitter lube because the dollar store shit will cut you."

"Fuck," Meredith spat out and laughed, "Know from experience?"

"Sex shop did a presentation at RiverBEND in the fall," Rayner explained, still chucking to himself, "I still have his super gay voice saying that in my head."

"That's amazing," Meredith laughed and stretched again, "Okay, I need to actually get back and talk to 'Ta."

"And, if your okay, I need to go get the rest of my winter coat blown out," Rayner said with a nod.

"Yeah," Meredith said quietly. Pulling Rayner into another hug, she whispered, "Thank you for being here."

"And if shit happens, let me know," Rayner whispered back, "Drive out to my place if you have to."

"I will," Meredith whispered and hugged him tighter before letting him go and opening the door to her truck. Rayner put a paw on her shoulder for a brief second and then walked around the other side of the truck and got into the passenger side.

The brief trip back to the hall was mostly in silence, with only a few occasions where Meredith muttered something to herself. Rayner told her to take care as he jumped out at the Hall showers, and she quietly said thank you again. He thought about what it must have been like for her as he washed off and then again when he pushed the air compressor hose into his fur. Tufts of fur flew around him as he went at himself.

Tess showed up about halfway through going through his legs and asked if anything had happened. Meredith had popped by the house looking for Anitta but Tess pointed her back toward the field behind the Hall. Rayner avoided saying anything he could but worried that Tess knew something was up. Even when they were pups, Tess had a nose for it. Still, she seemed happy enough with the what was life in the city explanation he gave that she offered to help with Rayner's back fur.

Rayner got about as much fur out with the brush he used as he did with the air. Tess seemed to be getting more, but she was also pressing that nozzle in closer than Rayner was comfortable with. It sort of worried him whether that thing could break the skin and push a bunch of air into him. That was the nightmare, at least. Thankfully it was just uncomfortable this time.

That evening and night were simple. Rayner mostly helped clean what he could because he didn't have any of the homework or notes he was supposed to pack. Friday morning seemed like a lifetime ago now, and he was starting to get excited about returning to Riverview. He wanted to see Gab again even though they talked for about half an hour after supper just as a voice call. It was hard to talk to him that evening. Meredith's situation and Gab's stuck in his mind as similar, but Meredith had Tess and family around. Rayner really worried about some of the things Gab had said about what his family was like.