FSE

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formerly SoFurry search engine

Urmine flips through the yellowed pages of the book seated next to her sister. Eventually one of the pages manages to catch her fancy.

"What about this one?" She asks, a claw pointed to a picture of a hybrid between a man and a bull.

"A minotaur?!" Gothetta shrieks. "No-no-no! Such a beast is far too dangerous to be kept in the house with us. The stompy hooves, bulky frame, brute strength, pointy horns, dull mind, it would be a total disaster."

"I don't know sister; I think the horns are kind of nice. They're so pleasing to the eye." The bear says with a lick of the lips and focused gaze.

The doe crosses her arms.

"You're just saying that because you want a mate with bone jutting from their head like you do, don't you?"

Urmine points a claw at her.

"Well_you're_ the one who wanted to summon a man sized bat! You just want something with fangs like yours!"

"I do not! I just think that having a husband that flies would be useful!"

"As if we don't already have flying brooms! What would a bat-man-thing do that we already can't?"

Gothetta scratches her head.

"Uhhhhhh...help us...talk to bats?"

The bear puts a paw on her shoulder with a smile.

"Tell you what Gothetta, how about we both agree to summon a mate with no horns and no fangs. That way it's fair to both of us."

"Fine." She replies with a sigh.

"Good." The bear says, eyes turning back to the book.

She flips through a few pages before settling on another possible suitor.

"And this one? This curious species looks promising."

Gothetta leans in, reading some of the text.

"A...vampire? Some kind of night dwelling predator? Let's see, they're sapient, about our height, possess some mild magical abilities, have a proclivity for counting objects and sleeping in coffins. Not to mention the tendency to morph into a flock of bats. Interesting."

"A most promising carnal companion dear sister. And look at that!" She points to a paragraph of text. "They tend to be outcasts and loners, just like us! Plus they seem to drink blood for sustenance. You wouldn't mind giving up some of your own red nectar to keep our husband-slave well fed, would you dear sister?"

The doe purses her lips in uncertainty, still poring over the text.

"I don't know Urmine, they do have such a strange appearance. No muzzle, the only fur they have is on the tops of their heads, and such pale skin too. Are we sure a vampire would be a good fit for us? What if they expect a wife with less fur? And how would we prevent one from turning into bats and flying away even if we did summon one?"

"Don't worry about that!" Urmine says with a cackle, turning the pages until finding what she was looking for. "This page explains how to ensure the result of a summoning is safe! Look, we just need to say this one additional incantation after the primary incantations are spoken then the beast will be bound by unnatural law to obey those who summoned it! That's us!"

Urmine's clawed finger points to a bit of angular script as her sister studies the incantation.

"Hmmm..." Gothetta sounds, a finger held up to her chin. "That would solve the insubordination issue. But what if they don't like us?"

"Who cares!" Urmine shouts. "With the incantation all we have to do is order them to love us, then they will! It's perfect! Simple yet effective! Couldn't be any better! Downright devious!"

Gothetta leans back in her seat, satisfied with her sister's solution.

"Okay, now how do we summon this vampire thing?"

The bear flips the pages back to the description of their chosen suitor, feverishly scanning the text for the summoning instructions.

"Let's see...ah ha! It says instructions for summonations are on page-"

"Sister!" Gothetta screeches, a finger pointed at one very specific paragraph.

"What?"

"Look!"

Urmine leans down, reading out loud what her sister pointed to.

"Vampires are also known for their unusually large fangs that they use to suck the blood of victims. Measuring one to two inches in length they are typically hidden behind the lips, with some having the capability to retract their fangs to more easily blend in with other humans." Urmine facepalms with a groan. "Gah! They have fangs! This one is of no use to us. Time to pick another..."

The horned bear begins flipping through pages once more until stopped by her sister.

"Sister, wait, what did the book say about humans?"

"Humans must be a sub-breed of vampires or something, I don't know."

"Well let's see if humans have fangs! If they don't, and they're similar to vampires, then a human may be the unhorned and unfanged bachelor of our dreams!"

"Alright..."

Urmine quickly flips to the table of contents then to the pages dedicated to humans.

"Okay, humans." Urmine quickly glances at the drawn picture of a human male and speed reads through the text dedicated to their physical attributes. "Humans are eaters of both meat and plants, possess no magical abilities, and are of moderate stature and meek strength. They lack both fangs and claws, with their skin mostly furless. Despite their lack of physical presence they are known for being crafty troublemakers and...voracious lovers."

Gothetta happily cackles and rubs her hands together, a wide smile on her muzzle.

"Go on sister! Go on!" She urges, saucy thoughts dancing in her head.

"Humans are one of the few species known to history that are physically compatible with near every other creature that walks, crawls, slithers, or flies. Their skills in lovemaking are unmatched, their closest rivals being succubi and sirens. One sultry look from a human is sure to moisten the loins and enrapture the heart. However one dare not-"

Urmine cuts herself off as Gothetta bounds from her chair and begins dancing around the table.

"Skin and love and all above! A human mate for both of us, sure to end our lonely lust! We'll talk and dance and sing with him, but at night he'll be singing a much different hymn. He'll lick, and thrust, and sate our lust, our every whim an urgent must! We'll toy and play with our human companion, he'll be our lover, our friend, our most valiant stallion!"

Urmine watches with an amused grin as Gothetta dances round and round the table, for once she wasn't annoyed with her sisters singing. As Gothetta continues her jubilant dance and high pitched babbling the bear looks down at the text, focused on learning how to summon this strange creature. She studies the page, finds the page for the summonation of a human, and turns to the indicated page. 651...652...655 She shakes her head and goes back. 651...652...655

She gasps and sees the faint torn edge of where pages 653 and 654 once were. Hearing the gasp Gothetta stops her celebration and turns to Urmine.

"Sister? Something wrong?"

"Yes, something is definitely wrong. The page detailing how to summon a human is torn out!"

"No!" Gothetta rushes to her sister's side and stares at the tome in disbelief. "Impossible! How cruel fate is! Twisting a knife into our aching hearts! Our very own human love thing torn from us before we could even summon his furless little body! Ah!"

Gothetta shrieks and falls to her knees in despair. Urmine puts a paw to her head looks to the deer sulking on the floor. Sure, they could simply find another creature that had an intact set of summoning instructions, but a human really did sound like a perfect fit for both of them, and it would make Gothetta so much happier...

"Sister?" Says Urmine.

"Yes?" Answers Gothetta, her voice deflated and eyes teary.

"All hope is not yet lost. The human was a type of vampire, right? We can alter the summoning ritual for a vampire to bring us a human instead. They are related, after all."

"You...you really think you can do that? You know how?" She says, wiping a tear from her eye.

Urmine pauses. Could she really do it? She didn't have much experience in summoning nor did their many bookcases possess any tomes that contained relevant knowledge within. With her lack of experience, lack of instruction, and lack of knowledge, the answer is clear.

No.

"Of course I can! It's just a simple matter of altering a few chants, switching a few ingredients around for the sacrifice, and...uhhh...I think that's it."

The sulking deer suddenly jumps to her feet with a wide, fanged smile.

"Wonderful! The day is saved by my sister's vast intellect and magical talent! Oh I just can't wait to snatch our much needed companion from the void! I'm going to name him and brush his hair and make sure he's fed and watered and sharpen his teeth and teach him to read and then he'll read me a bed time story every night just like mom used to do and he'll trim my hooves and polish your antlers and then we'll need to teach him how to cook and get him some nice rags to wear and..."

Gothetta meanders around the house still babbling about their future husband while Urmine clears an area of the floor for the summonation. First, she gathers a bag of black sand and carefully pours it onto the floor, precisely following the outline as described in the tome. First comes a wide circle then a pentagram with all five points touching the inside of the circle. Then she gathers a few needed ingredients for the summoning ritual with several of them haphazardly substituted in an attempt to change the ritual's outcome. Fresh blood is switched out with tomato paste. Coyote tail and black morenias? None in the pantry so a fox tail and yellow daisies will have to be used instead. No nearby bats to get a wing from so instead a rat tail will have to do, bats _are_just flying rodents, right?

With the summoning circle made and ingredients placed inside of the pentagram Urmine moves to retrieve the final part of the ritual, the sacrifice. One soul enters this mortal realm, one soul leaves, that is the way things have to be. The sacrifice for the summoning of a vampire was supposed to be one of the feared giant blood leaches that stalk the jungles of the far eastern frontier but the far east is pretty far away so...a good old green wart frog will have to do! Urmine retrieves one of the bumpy ribbiting amphibians from a glass jar and calls out to her sister.

"Gothetta! The summoning is at hand! Reveal yourself!"

A clattering of hooves draws closer and Gothetta arrives dressed in something other than the raggedy dress she usually wore. Instead she's wearing a dress that rarely left her closet, one that's dull pink and covered in just a few more frills and ribbons than is befitting a witch like herself.

"Sister, what's with the new rags?"

"I want to make a good first impression on our new love-companion!" She cheerily replies.

Urmine shakes her head in tired defeat.

"I don't see why our husband-slave has to like what we're wearing but, whatever, hold this. Slit it's throat when I tell you to." Urmine orders, handing Gothetta the frog and a knife.

"Gladly." Gothetta replies, holding the knife under its throat.

Urmine clears her throat and retrieves the tome from the table, eyes tracing the necessary chants involved in summoning a vampire. She holds the leathery tome in an outstretched arm, the other held back and arced towards it. As Urmine begins the ritual she starts to change a few lines. Just a few small alterations and they'll get the outcome they want, right?

Fires below and heavens above, listen to my humble plea and grant a mythical beast to thee!

"Fires below and heavens above, listen to my humble plea and grant a mythical beast to thee!"

A beast of blood and inky shadow! With blood tipped fangs and dusty marrow!

"A beast of kisses and beating hearts! With honey tipped tongue and lustful smarts!"

A somber creature of unnatural life, who hides from light and yet lives for strife!

"A nubile creature who lusts for fur, antlers and fangs he will prefer!"

Pull him from his cedar bed and place him upon my sandy spread!

"Pull him from his rosy bed and place him upon my sandy spread!"

Accept my offering and you shall find it filling, fulfill my wish and birth this foul beast into being!

"Accept my offering and you shall find it filling, fulfill my wish and birth this carnal beast into being!"

With her final words a flash of blue lighting shoots from Urmine's fingertips and arcs towards the pile of offerings. A cloud of undulating purplish blue smoke engulfs the pile and it's soon hidden from view, wisps and tendrils of smoke evaporating and stretching towards random directions as bright white cinders emanate from the smoky pile. Urmine claps her hands together and turns towards Gothetta with a happy cackle.

"It's working! Ha ha! It's actually working! Kill the frog Gothetta!"

Yet Gothetta appears to not hear her sister's words, eyes focused entirely on the smoke and light show unfolding in front of her. Urmine slaps the doe's shoulder to get her attention.

"Gothetta! Distracted doe! The frog!" She yells, a crooked claw pointed toward the sacrifice still held in the doe's hands.

Gothetta seems to gather her senses and looks down at the frog, gears slowly turning as she realizes what she needs to do.

"Oh! Right!"

She holds the frog out in front of her, places the knife against its throat, then...the frog jumps right out of her hands with a croaky ribbit!

"No! Get back here! Accept your fate and die so we can have a husband you warty beast!"

The two sisters begin scrambling across the floor desperately trying to catch the slippery amphibian as it jumps with reckless abandon. Onto bookshelves, into pots and pans, under chairs and across tables. The sisters madly dash and run into each other in their frenzy, that is until the frog jumps from the dining room table into the large cauldron they made their dinner in. It disappears into the remaining soupy mixture with a loud splash and the sisters peer into the pot from above.

"Is it dead?" Asks Gothetta.

"You better hope it is, if it jumps out of there I'm casting a spell that may burn the house down if it means killing that infernal beast." Urmine grumbles.

They wait for several seconds...then several more...until finally the body of a limp and very dead frog floats up to the surface.

Urmine gives a satisfied huff and looks towards the still shifting mass of cloud hovering over the pattern of black sand. She walks towards it and Gothetta joins her side.

"How much longer Urmine?"

"Any second now, assuming your screw up with the frog didn't sour the ritual." She says, teasingly elbowing her in the side.

Gothetta focuses her gaze on the smoky mass and crosses her arms.

"I doubt it. We did everything else right. A handsome human thing will appear out of that smoke any second now."

"Hmmm..." Urmine sounds, a finger held up to her chin. "...I feel like I'm forgetting something."

Gothetta's ears suddenly flip to attention as she almost jumps in shock.

"The last incantation! To ensure the result of the summonation will obey us! Quickly!"

Urmine looks around and quickly grabs the book of summons once more, rapidly turning page after page until finding the correct incantation. Her eyes flick up to the smoke to see it beginning to dissipate slightly, a hurried and frantic tone in her voice.

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet! Consectetur adipiscing elit! Viv...uhhh...vivo...damnit."

"What?!"

"Some portions of the incantation are all smudged and crooked. Whatever incompetent scribe copied this page must have had one too many glasses of wine."

"Well you can't just say nothing! We need to know this beast we're summoning will obey us! What if he tries to eat us! Or drink us! Or worse!"

Urmine shakes her head and decide she has no recourse but to do her best to try and get it right. Not like she's been following directions to the letter so far anyway.

"Vivamus ac tincidunt arcu, quis scelerisque massa. Fusce lorem ligula, suscipit a ornare non, tempor a sapien."

With the final word she closes the book and looks towards the smoke as it begins to clear.

"The time is at hand, come hither and observe the fruit of our labor deer sister."

They both lean in as the cloud of smoke gradually grows thinner. It begins shrinking in on itself, growing smaller and smaller prompting the sisters to lean in even closer. The cloud grows smaller...and smaller...and smaller...until it evaporates into nothing but air.

"It failed?" Mumbles Urmine.

"It failed!" Shrieks Gothetta.

The sisters stare in disbelief at the dark sand still spread on the floor, muffled sniffles coming from Gothetta as Urmine stares blankly at the ground. That is until the horned bear's nose smells something odd.

*sniff* "Sister." *sniff* "Do you smell..." *sniff sniff* "...something a little fishy?"