CH5: I Do (Not)
#5 of Summoning a Little Mischief
CH 5: ~3300 words
Edmund's consciousness groggily returns to the sound of Urmine and Gothetta arguing somewhere below him.
"-just steal a wagon like this! With this kind of anti-social behavior the town will be at our doorstep with torches and pitchforks any day now!" Yells Gothetta.
"I already told you we're only borrowing the wagon you doe brained goody two hooves! The original owner is fast asleep in the back of it right next to Edmund. When the potion wears off in a few hours he'll awaken fresh and well rested. We're really doing the dog a favor with how tired he looked when I first saw him."
Edmund finally opens his eyes to find himself outside yet still confined in the cage. It lay in the rear of a horse drawn cargo wagon. The rear of the wagon is a flat bed with two waist high walls across either side and an elevated portion with seating in the front. Laying next to the cage is the snoring body of some kind of dog man, looks like a golden retriever. The sisters continue to argue at the foot of the wagon.
Gothetta crosses her arms and groans with discontentment.
"I don't know Urmine. What if...what if we simply take our brooms and let Edmund fly with us to the town? He can ride with me. It would make things easier, no need to worry about the townsfolk inquiring as to where we got the wagon from."
The bear gives a hearty laugh, clearly amused at her suggestion.
"And let him free?! He's far too slippery to be let free of that steely cage until the marriage. No, we'll transport him to the chapel in the rear of the wagon. Once there we'll let him out and do the ceremony together. Once married our rings will function as intended and if he ever tries to turn his back on us again his rebellion will be short lived."
Gothetta brings a hand up to her face, eyes locked onto the ring on her finger. The large purple crystal in the center glows with an odd energy, pulsing slowly. The rest of the ring is composed of a dark metal, odd symbols and patterns littering its surface.
"I don't know about this Urmine..." Gothetta whines.
The bear huffs and leans forward, pointing to her tangled antlers.
"Remember who has the horns, sister. We will take him to the chapel in the cage then he can walk with us back to the cabin."
Gothetta pauses, then reluctantly shakes her head in agreement.
"Alright, alright. But won't the townsfolk know that Edmund is a creature of mythical origin? That we've been doing summonations just outside the town border? They won't be pleased with that all, not one bit."
"Don't worry! I have a plan!" Urmine reaches into the bust of her dress and pulls out a long fluffy tail, brown with black dots. "I found this tail stored in one of our ingredient chests. We can wrap this around his waist then animate it with a simple spell. We'll tell the priest that Edmund's some kind of rare foreign monkey, he won't suspect a thing." Urmine reveals with a joyous cackle.
Gothetta leans in, studying the tail with a hand to her chin. Edmund, now fully awake and worried about what they had planned for him, gets onto his knees and puts his hands on the cage bars. Yet as he does he notices a new object on his hand, a ring just like Gothetta's on his ring finger. Shocked, he gasps and immediately tries to pull it off to no avail. Seeing his struggle Urmine climbs up into the wagon causing him to pause.
"You can't take that thing off Edmund, I casted an enchantment so it's unremovable. Only way to part with it is to take the whole finger off."
He shoots her an angry glare.
"You know you aren't supposed to put the wedding rings on until the ceremony right? It's one of the last things you do."
She shrugs apathetically.
"Do I seem like the kind of person that knows the ins and outs of a wedding ceremony Edmund? Regardless, the three of us are now all equipped with the steely symbols of our eternal union."
She brings up her ringed finger and twirls it around in the sunlight.
"What did you mean back there about how the rings only work properly when we're married? Is it going to electrocute me or something if I run off?"
"Oh no-no-no!" She says with a laugh. "I took the liberty of also enchanting these rings with something called the unfaithful's folly. When the rings are worn by married individuals it allows the bearer of one ring to instantly know the location of the other. Helps keep one from reneging their sacred vows. Also helps if one were to misplace their ring, I suppose."
"So if I run off you'll always know where I am. Greeeeaaaaat." Groans Edmund.
"That's the idea! Now stand up so I can tie this tail around you."
Edmund refuses her order, instead sitting back down in the cage with his arms crossed defiantly.
"No. You aren't putting that thing on me."
Urmine leans in, her voice low and threatening.
"This tail is going on you one way or another, husband-slave. Either I can put it on you while you're standing, or I can cast another spell to exhaust your bodily energy. Now stand up."
"Please Eddy just do as she says." Begs Gothetta. "We don't mean to hurt you; it's just the town would do very bad things to us if they found out we were summoning foreign creatures in the backwoods. They'll come with fire and steel and hand us our very last meal!"
Edmund sighs and stares at the floor. What Urmine says is ultimately right. Either he complies or she'll just cast another one of her spells and do it herself. Might as well submit and still have the energy leftover for an escape if an opportunity presents itself. He stands up and moves towards Urmine. A pleased smile creeps onto her maw and she quickly ties the tail in a knot around his waist. She then tucks the portion wrapped around his waist into his pants and allows the rest to dangle freely, several feet of fluffy rope drooping down to his feet. She climbs out of the wagon and points a finger at the tail.
"Swish and flick and bestial quintessence, give this fur a touch of lively essence."
A blue bolt flies to the tail and it glows briefly. Edmund stares at the tail hanging below his butt in cautious anticipation. After a few silent seconds the tail twitches, then twitches some more, slowly becoming more and more animated.
"Hey, it uhhh, it worked. This thing is moving around." The tail wraps around Edmund's leg. "Should I be worried about it, like, strangling me or anything?"
Urmine waves a paw dismissively.
"Don't worry about it. It may get a little feisty though. That tail will only have life for a couple hours at most and objects given such a short lifespan tend to be a little...unhappy about it."
"What?!" Shouts Edmund. "What is that supposed to mean?" He's given no response as the sisters move to the front of the wagon and Urmine whips the horses into a trot. "Guys, seriously, this thing is moving around quite a bit. Are we sure- hey it just slapped me! What the hell? Don't go in there! Guys! Ah!"
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The wagon rolls along at a casual pace through the rapidly clearing forest. Moody shadow gives way to bright sunshine as tall branches turn to blue open sky. Instead of stinking bogs and tangles of fetid undergrowth the ground turned to wide meadows filled with grazing cattle and fields of golden crops swaying in the gentle breeze. The sisters remain atop the driver's position of the wagon, Urmine diligently keeping an eye on the road while Gothetta absentmindedly plays with a hole in her dress. In the rear Edmund sits in a corner of the cage with two hands tightly gripping the end of his 'tail' to prevent it annoying him further. Next to him lays the golden retriever still snoring away, blissfully unaware of the troubles of the man next to him.
Several smoke trails drift upward on the horizon. Edmund turns his head to them, staring intensely at the smattering of wooden buildings they arose from.
"Hey, is that the town?"
"Yes." Answers Gothetta. "It's small, only a few hundred souls call it home. Only civilization for many, many miles."
"It may be the only civilization for miles but it does have a chapel." Says Urmine, looking to her imminent husband-slave. "And in that chapel we'll be getting married."
"I wouldn't count on it. I'll never say the vows."
"Then I'll say them for you. I'm sure the priest won't mind."
The town gradually comes into view as the wagon rolls along. Buildings composed of painted wooden planks and glass windows soon flank either side of the wagon. Edmund can't help but stare at the residents as they pass. Dog people, cat people, bear people, rabbit people, mouse people, creatures of all sizes and shapes stare pensively at the wagon before quickly hurrying their children indoors and closing their shutters. A doe selling jewelry on a street corner packs up her stand with utmost urgency, a baker switches the wooden sign in his window from 'OPEN' to 'CLOSED', a mother duck quacks at her ducklings to hurry up as they all waddle into a small house. The street soon becomes barren as they near the chapel, its pointed steeple making it the tallest building in the town.
"I get the feeling we aren't welcome here." Says Edmund, watching as a bear man stares at them from afar, a blacksmiths apron across his burly chest and a hefty axe in his paws.
Gothetta looks behind her.
"We've had a checkered history with this place. The townsfolk tend to be suspicious of me and Urmine, not only because of our magical inclination but because of our chimerahood as well. Still, we have helped them catch dangerous beasts marauding their livestock in the past, as well as helping the occasional desperate mother heal her sick child when the doctor's leaches proved useless. Though I don't think they appreciated the time we slipped a sleeping potion in their well and stole all their chick-"
Urmine elbows her in the side and puts a finger to her mouth.
"Shhh!"
"Forget I said anything!"
The wagon rolls in front of the chapel and Urmine stops the horses. Edmund stands and looks around, seeing no one. That is until the doors to the chapel open and a gray haired cat man in a dark robe steps out. He walks towards the wagon with a slight limp, a pair of round glasses atop his muzzle and a holy book clutched to his chest. The sisters move to the rear of the wagon and he meets them there. He briefly looks at Edmund and the sleeping dog with a concerned stare before turning to the sisters and shifting to a clearly forced, though polite, smile.
"Urmine, Gothetta, what can the church do for you on this fine evening?"
Urmine smiles.
"The three of us are here to get married Father Bloom."
"Married..." He once again looks towards Edmund. "And I assume that man in the cage is your intended husband? And who is that napping golden retriever?"
She shakes her head confidently.
"Yes, his name is Edmund. And that napping dog is one of my uncles. He wanted to attend the ceremony but fell to drinking before we departed, I think he'd prefer to stay on the wagon while he sleeps it off, the thirsty dog. Ha ha!"
The priest shifts his glasses.
"Forgive me for asking, but what species is Edmund? He's almost completely hairless."
"He's a rare Tasgolian long tailed hairless monkey. We happened upon him while gathering firewood one day and took a liking to him. What can I say? The call of wedding bells overtook me and Gothetta and we aimed to marry him after only knowing him for a week. He's such a gentle, loving monkey."
Edmund stands up and grips the bars of the cage, his eyes wide and voice desperate.
"Don't listen to her! My name is Henry and I'm a human from a place called Earth! These witches summoned me yesterday and have kept me in this cage ever since! You've got to hel-pfff!" He's stopped as the tail begins slapping him in the face and mouth, he grabs it with both hands again in an attempt to tame it.
Urmine leans in towards the priest and speaks in a whisper, looking at Edmund fighting his 'tail'.
"Father Bloom, please forgive him, unfortunately our dear Edmund suffers from a terrible case of Venusian brain worms. They tickle his cranium so, often causing occasional bouts of utter madness and complete delusion. Me and my sister know how to help him but it will take time for the proper incantations and potions to heal his diseased mind. Isn't that right Gothetta?"
The doe pauses, then nods in agreement. The priest looks to the ground and sighs tiredly.
"Ladies, I don't believe this marriage is something I can bless."
"Whaaat?!" Shrieks Urmine, recoiling back at his words. "What do you mean? All three of us are here! We have the rings! All you need to do is give us our vows and we'll be on our way."
"Thank you! Thank you so much cat man! Don't let these crazy witches lock me down!" Shouts Edmund in the background, still fighting his tail.
"It's nothing about that. Urmine, in a wedding all parties involved are supposed to be there consensually. You had to bring your husband here in a cage. Not to mention the man is clearly mentally unwell. Just look at him fighting his own tail! It's as if he doesn't even control it."
"No-no-no! We can amputate his tail! He'll be fine! He's just a little discombobulated is all." Pleads the bear.
Father Bloom shakes his head and looks at her, disappointment in his eyes.
"No Urmine. I'm not condoning this marriage. If you truly love this man then bring him here when he's feeling more coherent and doesn't need to be confined in steel. Until then, I'll always be here at the chapel."
Father Bloom begins walking back to the chapel while Urmine desperately pleads with him.
"Please Father I'm telling you he's fine! We'll give you gold, enchanted gemstones, does your daughter want a pet? We have plenty of wart frogs in the cabin! We'll give you anything!"
"No." Bloom curtly replies, stepping behind the chapel doors. "Come back when you, your sister, and your husband to be are all fit to take part in a marriage ceremony. May the gods have mercy on your unfortunate souls."
The door shuts with a resounding thud and Urmine stands still, quietly seething. The bear considers her options.
Blast open the door with a spell and force Father Bloom marry them under threat of being turned into a goat?
Would irreversibly damage relations with the town, Bloom, and possibly Gothetta as well. Not to mention the possibility of a witch hunter being sent after them. Too dangerous.
Cast a spell of suggestion on Bloom to trick him into marrying them?
Difficult to say it would work, men of the cloth tend to be resistant to mind altering magics. Plus there's no telling if the marriage would be legitimate in the eyes of the magical ether since it would be blessed by a priest under the influence. It could be all for nothing.
Go to another chapel?
The nearest one would take at least a week's worth of travel via carriage, probably more. And to do it with Edmund in the cage? In the middle of the wilderness? Where if he escapes he could be gone for good? Sounds like a plan doomed for failure even with a couple of crafty witches watching over him.
Out of reasonable options Urmine rakes a paw down her muzzle and takes a deep breath. They need to regroup back at the cabin and find some other way to ensure Edmund would remain under their thumb. Perhaps with some overlooked magical loophole or esoteric incantation hidden away on one of their many tomes. Urmine sharply turns towards the wagon and begins marching towards it, barking an order at Gothetta.
"Get back on the wagon! Father Bloom may be unwilling to help us but this is only a minor setback in officiating our husband-slave. We'll ride for home and come up with another plan. Quickly now, I wish to arrive before sunset."
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It wasn't until they passed the threshold of the forest that Edmund felt his tail begin to waver. It struggled briefly in his hands in an attempt to escape his steely grip and assault him once more yet Edmund felt it's strength grow weak and motions become less lively. Eventually he felt it grow still and after a few anxious seconds he let it go free. The fluffy tail fell to the floor of the wagon and stayed there, limp and lifeless. Edmund chuckles happily and turns to the sisters.
"Good news. I think my tail has run out of life."
"It was inevitable," Starts Gothetta. "me and Urmine are hardly experts in necromantic magics. A couple of hours is the best we can do and even then we can only perform resurrections on simple things, like that tail."
Edmund unties it from his waist and stares at it.
"May it rest in peace, wherever resurrected tails go to rest. Can't say I'll miss it though. I've never had so many hairs in my mouth before." He then stands up and grips the bars, a smug smirk on his face. "So, now that your stupid plan failed when are you going to send me back?" Urmine softly growls but keeps her eyes focused on the road. Gothetta looks to Edmund as if to say something but loses her courage and faces the road again, remaining quiet. "You are going to send me back right? I refuse to cooperate with whatever new plans you come up with. There's nothing you two furballs could do to make me like you."
Urmine violently turns her head to face him, her eyes squinted in anger and spit flying from her maw as she shouts.
"Shut up you infernal bald man-thing! We summoned you here fair and square! You are our property and we will do with you as we please. If you don't stop running your mouth I may just find it necessary to alter you into a mute, or maybe I'll shrink that cage of yours until it just barely contains your sorry bald body! Now be quiet!"
The bear turns to the front of the wagon and simmers with a frown. Edmund, however, was aware he's only hearing half of this equation.
"Gothetta?" He quietly says, wishing her to speak her piece.
Yet she does not, choosing to remain quiet next to her sister. Edmund sighs and falls to the floor, his arms crossed in discontent. His eyes trace the bars of the cage as he brainstorms ways to get away from these witches and back to home. But as he does he notices a few scratches in the rusted steel of the cage, their placement appearing intentional. He leans in closer for a better look.
Four vertical scratches with another dashed through them, then one more vertical mark to the right of them. Six, someone counted to six in this cage before him. Six days probably, and the marks were no doubt made by a previous occupant in the cage. This knowledge only furthers his resolve to escape. He takes a deep breath and looks downward, a hand held up to his chin as he racks his brain for possible ways to get free from the sisters.
Thinking...thinking...thinking...thinking...that's it!
A smile comes upon his face then is quickly cleared lest one of the sisters look rearward and catch wind of his devious plot. He has a plan, a good one, but there is one critical piece of the puzzle he does not yet have. Given the low level of technology he's seen thus far and the current season it's unlikely he could acquire it through natural means.
But thankfully he is in the company of witches.