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"Polypharmacy, Doctor Halitzer?"

Doctor "Dean" Weiger was a short, slim, aged, and weathered man never seen outside of a black suit. By some horrific twist of fate, Weiger was also the chair of the entire pharmacology department and overseer of grant applications. All experiments related to medicine required his seal of approval, and that was an excruciating accolade to earn. According to legends that percolated through the breakrooms and shared laboratory spaces, Weiger was once a hippie. Halizter doubted those assertions: no man as rhadamanthine and totalitarian as Weiger could ever have been lax in any conceivable way.

"Yes," Halitzer stared into Weiger's sunken brown eyes, "polypharmacy. Our current antidepressants and aphrodisiacs are losing efficacy due to tolerance, presumably downregulation of the relevant signaling pathways. This has the unfortunate long-term effect of inducing depression or worsening anorgasmia," Halitzer steepled his fingers, "I emailed the relevant literature alongside my proposal."

"Doctor Halitzer, I haven't seen a single reference to ninety percent of the compounds you're suggesting in the literature. Not a single clinical trial, paper on synthesis, not even extraction methodology. I called for an in-person meeting to identify where you found these compounds and why you're placing such stock in them."

The hairs on the back of Halitzer's neck stood on end and his pulse quickened, but he forced a state of calm over himself, "current census results demonstrate that while the Homo Sapiens population is declining, the Homo Sapiens Mus population, and similar subspecies, aren't experiencing the same issues. Epidemiological surveys show that, while the incidence of depression and infertility is rising among this population, it is both much lower and rising much slower than in Homo Sapiens."

"So, these endogenous chemicals to Homo Sapiens subspecies... what was your method of extraction?" Weiger leaned forward, his thin lips creased in an impassive frown, "solvents, processes, yields? How did you identify these chemicals in particular? Even your literature doesn't show most of them."

Halizter wondered if he should lie but there wasn't any way to spin a convincing falsehood. Weiger knew every keycard swipe in and out of the university's facilities, he was the first man to arrive on site, the last to leave. He could instantaneously pull up Halitzer's purchase records and easily dispel any lie he tried to make. Or he could call for an audit of all lab notebooks and find the discrepancy in minutes. There was only one way out of this: the truth. Halitzer knew this was coming, prepared for it, and yet found himself utterly terrified. His thesis defense wasn't even this bad!

"I... haven't performed any significant extractions yet," Halitzer blushed and Weiger raised a grey and bushy eyebrow, "but my laboratory assistant, Ms. Mindy Katz, has... um..." Halitzer looked away, "volunteered to provide a limited sample for further analysis, with the potential for later synthesis through conventional methods..."

If looks could kill, Weiger's gaze was genocide against Halitzer's entire family tree. A few agonizing seconds passed, and Halitzer felt like he was about to die. Weiger's expression was as impassive and unreadable as it ever was, but Halitzer dreaded the response more than even the silence.

"Doctor Halitzer," Weiger's voice was somehow even colder and more emotionless than it usually was, and a chill ran up Halitzer's spine, "has the vaginal discharge of Ms. Mindy Katz been approved by the IRCS as form-2 grade in purity or higher?"

"I-I... uh..." Halizter couldn't breathe, "i-it... it wasn't... w-we..."

"A yes or a no will suffice."

"Um... n-no?"

Weiger leaned forward. "What is the expected necessary volume of this extract?"

"Since we're hoping to synthesize the active principles and use in silico analysis, it shouldn't be more than fifty milliliters for the initial chromatography and NMR," Halitzer's tongue went numb, "um... but further extractions may-"

"Have you collected 'preliminary samples' from the body of Ms. Katz?"

"With her consent..." Halitzer shrank back in his chair.

"Have you spoken to the ethics board on human experimentation about this, and has the operation been approved?" Weiger furrowed his brow.

"I... have not."

"You realize unauthorized human experimentation is grounds for revocation of your doctorate, regardless of whether the subject consented?" Weiger tapped his mahogany desk with his forefinger twice. "The law must be upheld."

"Please don't do this to me..." Halitzer broke out in a cold sweat, his body screaming at him to run or fight somehow, his heart pounding in his chest, "please, I've been working eighty hours a week for years, I've thrown every chemical at the wall and nothing's worked, I-I promise that I-"

"Doctor Halitzer," Weiger didn't move an inch, "it is my job to ensure all research performed is rational and proper. You have not demonstrated due diligence. Your sex games with your laboratory assistant are not my problem: my problem is your attempt at passing this off as legitimate research. If you provide the necessary documentation, I will consider this latest round of experimentation. I understand the aims of your research: the demographic implications you have bandied about at every conference are indeed dire. However, until the vaginal discharge of Ms. Mindy Katz is approved by the IRCS as appropriately pure for research use, and the entire proposal is approved by the IRB's ethics subcommittee, I cannot approve your 'research' because it violates federal law on the purity of chemicals and the unauthorized use of human subjects in experimental procedures. Am I understood?"

"Y-yes, Doctor Weiger."

"Now leave my office," Weiger pointed to the door, "I have another meeting in seven minutes."

"So, how'd it go?" Mindy asked, splayed out on her couch, wearing a Fable Kings II shirt, the logo stretched out over her generous cleavage, her unkempt pussy fur poking out of the waistband of her boxers, brushing lightly against her paunch.

"Weiger didn't rip my head off," Halitzer rubbed the back of his neck, "that's about it. He said 'no.'"

"Well, it was worth a shot," Mindy shrugged, "we can always do a little experimentation off the record~"

Halitzer blushed again and sat next to Mindy, rubbing her ear with one hand, the other pressed against her stomach. "But... if we fill out the necessary paperwork, that no will turn into a maybe."

"No shit?" Mindy perked up, "finally! We might have a real shot at this, and then we can do something outside the lab for once! So, what's this paperwork?"

"We need to get your vagina approved by the RCS as producing chemicals of appropriate purity for laboratory research," Halitzer spoke quickly, and Mindy stared as though he grew a second head.

"Uh... what?"

"Do you want to play Fable Kings instead of discussing this?" Halitzer rubbed her ear more firmly, "maybe do something else?"

"Well," Mindy blinked, her ears flushing, "how would we even get approval?"

"I suppose we could send a few samples over to their testing labs..." Halitzer kept his hand on her fluffy stomach, fingers sinking into that soft expanse. Mindy looked down.

"Y'know, when I started this whole thing, I didn't think it'd go like this..." she patted his hand, "...well... I wasn't thinking at all. Heat fucks you up."

"I... admittedly went with it because I've come to enjoy your company," Halitzer said, "and because those pheromones... are incredible. No offense to your personality, but... well... I've never been that spontaneous before. That was chemically induced."

"Your pillow talk's unparalleled, doc," Mindy rolled her eyes, "maybe we can record your words and get every pussy in the world dripping. To think, my vagina has the secrets to curing the depression crisis."

"Exercise has also proven efficacious but it's much easier to give a pill," Halitzer patted her stomach again.

"Are you calling me fat?" Mindy's tone was playful, not accusatory.

"You're about average as far as H. S. Mus goes, body-wise," Halitzer rubbed ear with more force, "let's talk about something else. Dinner plans?"

"I don't have any fancy pants," Mindy said, "except for one pair that has a pretty big 'heat stain' on them."

"I'll drive your clothes to the laundromat. You shouldn't show up to the lab in dirty clothes," Halitzer said.

"Fine, I'll go in nothing at all~" Mindy rolled her eyes.

"I thought that was for my eyes only?" Halitzer leaned in.

"W-well... shut up, I wanted to tease," Mindy squeaked as she spoke, "fine, for dinner, I dunno, I have a bunch of stuff in the fridge. Ever since you showed me all those papers, I stopped eating anything on, in, or from plastic."

"Those TV dinners are etiological to the infertility and depression crisis," Halitzer stretched his arms over his head, "alongside insufficient exercise."

"I walk to and from the lab every day and still look like this."

"How long does that take? You're quite far."

"When the bus comes, not too long. When it doesn't, it can take a while," Mindy shrugged, "two hours, thereabouts."

"Through these roads?" Halitzer cocked his head, "you know, you could move in with me. My apartment's bigger than this one. I don't know how anyone can live in this... you called it the 'warren?'"

"Warren, ghetto, low-income mousing environment," Mindy's tail flicked through the air, "still, doc, really?"

Halitzer sighed and pulled Mindy onto his lap, ignoring her confused, then pleasured squeaks. "Yes, really."

Mindy leaned back and looked up at him, her crooked glasses glinting in the dim light, her large red eyes staring into his, "maybe you should spend a bit more time outside the lab, too. Have any hobbies?"

"Does sex with you count?"

Mindy's ears flushed cherry-red and her legs clenched around his hand, "n-no!"

"I used to play the piano," Halitzer said, "maybe I should pick that up again. Playing the piano. I don't want to try picking up a piano," his hand slipped from Mindy's ear to her breast, squeezing and kneading it slowly. She bit her lower lip and squeaked.

"F-fuck, fine, I dunno, all I do is play video games, occasionally draw."

"What do you draw?" Halitzer rested his chin on the top of her head and pulled her deeper into his lap, lips closing around her ear.

"M-mostly guys with swords, and you in various s-states of und-dress..." she forced her words out as Halitzer moved his hand from her stomach to her pussy.

"Fine. You know we'll need to submit our paperwork, right? So we'll need to demonstrate this technique to the committees."

Mindy's ears couldn't get redder, and her tail nearly tied itself in a knot, her legs twitching, her hands balling into fists. She didn't try to resist Halitzer's hand, but she squeaked, "y-you wouldn't..."

"But it's for science~" Halitzer closed his eyes and pulled Mindy's shirt off, noting she wasn't wearing a bra. He brushed her fur aside and started rubbing her nipple with his index finger, the rest of his hand supporting and squeezing her tit, a fiendish boner working its way into Halitzer's now way-too-tight pants.

"I-I... uh... I..."

"Look," Halitzer sighed, "I can't force you into this. You know the benefits; you know the risks. You've got to make this choice yourself. If you say no, that's... unfortunate for our research, but it's alright. I don't think I could survive another meeting with Weiger anyway."

"I-fuck... okay, I'll... eep!" Mindy's leg twitched and she closed her eyes tight as Halitzer pressed a finger into her pussy, "I'll do it! J-just... uh... I might need a blindfold or something, so I don't die of embarrassment..."

"That can be arranged," Halitzer shrugged, petting her in this lewd fashion, bucking his hips against her plump butt. Then he stopped and let her go, retrieving the thermos, "here, fine, more research material. You know what we're doing, right?"

"Did you-"

"Yes, it's been sterilized. Can't waste any sample, can we?"

Mindy tried to say something but only let out another series of adorable squeaks as Halitzer placed the thermos against her pussy and resumed fingering her, pulling her boxers off to a side and leaving her nude, her messy, thick, soft white fur the only thing giving the barest hint of decency to her. Halitzer pulled his pants off and pressed his length against her ass, but Mindy blocked him with her tail.

"N-naugh~" she attempted to speak, but a low and lusty moan tore through her throat and her eyes rolled back as she finished, spurting a bit of her juices into the thermos. Halitzer gently bit her ear and tugged on it as she came, watching her spread legs quiver and feeling her breath hitch in her throat. Halitzer didn't stop pleasuring her, pressing another finger in and forcing his hand deep inside. Still, he got the message and drew his hips back. He pressed the thermos against her and kept going until his hand was aching, then swapped hands, watching her cum around his fingers with increasing satisfaction. When he couldn't finger her anymore, he let Mindy go, and she slid off him with a weak moan, her tail falling limply to her side.

"A-and... you?" She asked, her ears still flushed.

Halitzer was impressed she had the mind to speak at all but obliged. He picked her up with some effort and placed her back on his lap, grinding against her dripping wet lower lips, biting down on her ear, one hand moving from her hips to her heavy chest, the other pressing into her plump stomach. He bucked upwards and forced his way into her, and Mindy leaned back, panted weakly, limp atop him as the pleasure overwhelmed her. Halitzer took his time, grinding against her inner walls, fingers sinking into her soft fur and flesh, squeezing, kneading it as he forced his hips against hers in a slow, steady rhythm, each bounce accompanied by a squeak from Mindy, her ears almost cherry-red from embarrassment and pleasure, her eyes unfocused, her mouth hanging open and her breath coming out in ragged gasps. Mindy craned her head back and tried to look Halitzer in the eye, but as he forced his hips up against her, her glasses fell off her face, and she let out another embarrassed squeak, while Halitzer picked the pace up, hammering into her, pleasure building. He let go of her ear and bit down on her shoulder instead as he pushed himself to completion, finishing with a grunt and a harder bite, pleasure washing over him as he flooded her inner walls with his seed.

Mindy took a slow breath out and sank onto his length, leaned back, and looked up, eyes unfocused and a bit watery, her mouth hanging open. "Haah... well... it's not a new experiment this time... but replication's the bedrock of the s-scientific method..."

"Are you ever going to run out of jokes?" Halitzer asked, rubbing her shoulder with one hand, the other still playing with her breast.

"Probably in fifty years," Mindy said, then lowered her voice to mimic Halitzer's "if we take the latest governmental surveys and extrapolate according to the model outlined by Kurtz et al-"

Halitzer rolled his eyes and forced his hips back up into Mindy, shutting her up.