Ch. 85
#92 of True Confessions of a Trainer
Tempest - Trainer's Lycanroc
The atmosphere of the day was tense, and unwelcoming. Master had gotten us away, left Alcyon to talk with Sharon at her own request. I could see his jaw muscles tense as we wandered the city, the way he breathed, slow and deep, trying to calm himself down. When I took his hand in mine, he finally relaxed. Pulled me close, hugged me. I didn't know what had him upset, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but my mate in my arms, and the way he calmed as my hand stroked his back.
Claire shared my worry, and the three of us found a quiet place to sit, and talk about things. The more he said, the more I began to understand. The whole thing was just... it was the opposite of who he was. What he believed in. What he'd fight for, with all his strength. The idea that some callous bitch would push her pokemon to do anything even remotely like that... for what, trophies? Fame?
I had a lot of reasons to be grateful to him. To be grateful for the kind of human he was. This was just one more, in a long list of them. It left a sour taste in my mouth, and a bitter acknowledgment I didn't want to make.
"My inner rockruff could have gone forever, not knowing there were people like that involved in the world she dreamed of." I more growled than said, an exasperated sigh as I turned my gaze to the horizon. I wondered, quite unhappily at that, if the idol pokemon I used to watch dancing across the stage was only pretending to be as joyful and happy as her song. If somewhere in a back room, some bastard had broken her, used her the way Sharon's sister tried to use Alcyon.
I knew I shouldn't have been surprised. Didn't I already have a hundred ideas of what humans could be? The whole reason we were here was because there were some willing to kill master, and the rest of us, to kidnap Helena. Still, it sat sour in my stomach, with bile and frustration warring for dominance. People like that were the reason sanctuaries for us existed at all.
"I understand not wanting to get wrapped up in that." I said, quietly. "I can't imagine a way it doesn't turn into an ugly fight... and Alcyon doesn't need to get dragged back into something like that." I understood... that didn't mean I liked it. I'd just have to put my faith in master. Swallow it down and let it go. Alcyon didn't need to be dragged back into it, and honestly, I didn't know what we could do, anyway. It wasn't as simple as beating someone up. It rarely was, with humans.
Master shook his head, his gaze toward the sea. "Some days I can't tell if I'm blessed or cursed." He said, with a grin I only rarely saw on his face. "It's like Arceus takes a particular delight in fucking with me." He growled, and fuck's sake it made me wet despite the mood. I loved his growl. I didn't know humans could make a sound as raw and visceral as his growl.
"I hate problems I can't do anything about. I really do." He admitted, running his hand through his hair. "Sorry, Tempest. I really want to get you up on stage just the way you dream of, but it might have to wait a while longer. I haven't forgotten your dream, puppy."
I couldn't remember the last time he called me that... but I remembered the feelings it elicited in me, when I was so much smaller. He called me that in intimate moments, when I was his puppy. All his. I couldn't be mad. I could be frustrated, but I couldn't be mad. He was right, it wasn't a problem he could do anything about, and it wasn't as if we didn't have our own problems, too. "It's okay, master. You know I love you, right? I told you before, I might have had different dreams if I'd known you'd be in my life."
And it was true, I dreamed of different things, now. Of bearing a litter for him. Of having offspring with the strongest, most clever mate I could have ever hoped for. I couldn't help but grin at the folly of it. I always wanted impossible things, didn't I? I was as stubborn as my mother complained I was. She was right. But I'd keep dreaming anyway.
I'd keep dreaming, if it meant I got to keep waking up with something to smile for.
Claire - Trainer's Delphox
I could feel his frustration even through our carefully tended psychic link. It would have been an intense backlash if I let it be unguarded. His frustration, his heartbreak. Even shielded, my own heart sank knowing how low he felt. He felt defeated, and I understood. He had looked so happy when he picked up the brochures about the contest halls, his thoughts had been nothing but joy, and want, and an immediate change of gears to forget all about the island's traditional challenges. Oh we'd get to them, but... an immediate back-seat to something he'd been hoping to do for Tempest for what felt like forever now.
He was honestly more gutted by it than she was. He was absolutely heartbroken, for all he tried his best to smile, and not let it show. If that's how he wanted things to feel, I would respect it. I wouldn't make it harder for him. But I knew he'd be up late tonight brooding over it. If we let him.
"Hey, Master?" I wished I could purr properly, but my low soft whisper would have to suffice, my breath tickling at his neck as I leaned in. "We can't fix every problem in the world, even Arceus couldn't manage that... but I can think of a few problems we could fix together. So would you do something for me?" I asked, reaching out to push his pokeballs into his hands.
"Tonight, don't worry about tomorrow. Don't worry about drama, or contest halls, or Alcyon. She's a big girl, she can handle herself, and your gloomy little friend is probably going to talk her ear off all night anyway." He looked up at me, and I just winked. "We've all been waiting for you, you know. So... how about you focus on things a little closer to home, hm?" I teased, stroking his hands with my fingertips. "You'll feel better for it, I promise. We can make plans for tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. Right now, aren't you supposed to be enjoying a much needed vacation?"
"Look around you, Master. Take it all in. Here we are, sitting by the shore, all these people are laughing, swimming, having fun. And what are you doing? You're brooding. Again." I admonished gently. "And is it helping? Are you getting anywhere?"
"Go on. Go have fun. Go see if you can join that volleyball game. Go see if you can find us a battle or two. Blow off some steam. Whatever it takes right now. That's what I need you to do, okay? Because you're slipping back into bad habits, aren't you? Quit it."
Trainer
I hated not having an answer, and I hated realizing how easy it was to make me fall back into my shell. But I was glad my friends were there to pull me out of it. To help me see my way through. I left a message for Sharon, and strolled my way up the coast, off to the wilds for a while, just to explore, to breathe and soak up the sun and the wind. Tempest and Claire at my side as we made our way through the wilderness.
For one day, one afternoon, it was as fresh and new as it had ever been. Exploring what was beyond the next rise, around the next bend. Like we had so long ago. Climbing the trees because they were there to be climbed. Skipping rocks over the water because we found a pond and good stones to do it with. Tempest had gotten a lot better at the motion, too, and before long we were competing back and forth with each other. I was surprised when she won, but it was a delightful way to spend the hour.
It was strange, how much things had changed, how much pressure I felt like I'd been under. I didn't realize it until I had something to contrast it to. But here we were, doing nothing of consequence. I gave myself permission to stop worrying about one problem, and maybe just for a moment it let me forget about the rest. I was where I should have been, chasing grasshoppers with Helena and being playfully stalked by Sybil.
I was where I should have been, with Penance carrying me along the beach, her huge paws leaving deep tracks behind us for the waves to wash away. I belonged there, with my team. With my family. My lovers. My best friends. Everything was exactly how it should have been, for one beautiful moment.
Eventually our meandering brought us to an open meadow, a gorgeous array of wildflowers and the flitting of pikipek in the trees, as good a place as any to let the girls out to play and stretch their legs. It was with a surprisingly content heart that I laid back in the grass and gazed up at the clouds in the sky, picking out shapes and enjoying the way they drifted lazily along the wind.
Mira was the first one to come join me, flopping back in my arms in the boneless way she did, her ribbons snaking around my wrists and fingers. She looked to me and sighed, nuzzling into my chest. Her happiness was infectious and for a moment I felt completely removed from the day's worries. Idly, I wondered if there was even a point to going back. Maybe my place was just here, and my role in it all was to bring Alcyon back to Sharon and move on.
Nah... too convenient. I knew life wasn't going to let me slink off into the sunset quite so easily. Not for more than one day at least.
Mira - Trainer's Sylveon
Arceus, but I was so grateful for Claire and Tempest. I hadn't felt him this relaxed in ages. Claire had filled me in as I played an energetic game of tag with Helena and Penance, and when I came back to his side I expected him to be a bundle of raw nerves and anxiety, but he just wasn't. He looked at me and all there was was me. No anxiety, no trepidation, no frustration. He and I shared a moment that was beautiful and perfect and real.
We ended up staying there, as the sun set. Content to sprawl out together, as the fireflies took flight, dancing overhead. I knew it was a fleeting thing, a moment like this. But I felt like it just made it more beautiful, for how rare it was. A falling star destined to burn bright in my memory.
There was no rush to go back to our room, but eventually all good things had to come to an end, and we found ourselves walking back, the city spreading out below us as we came down from the hill we had been on. It was strangely beautiful, bathed in the streetlights, couples meandering the beachfront stores, windowshopping together. The smell of malasadas, and grilled food.
We'd picked up dinner for the night, and somehow it just felt like the most wildly romantic, silly, simple thing I'd ever done, my ribbons trailing up his arm as we walked back to the room. Sharon and Alcyon weren't there waiting for us, but they left a note. See you in the morning, or something like it.
A whole night with master all to myself... well... almost all to myself. I was already looking forward to it.
Sharon
We'd gone out for a swim, and a nice long talk. It had been years since I'd seen Alcyon and I hated to admit how much there was to unpack. How much I'd been avoiding. She didn't specify, but even the broad strokes were more than I had ever truly wanted to know. More than once it almost turned into a proper row, but we both cooled off as quick as tempers got heated. We weren't there to fight each other, at least.
Zorah had settled in on her back, as comfortably as he could, and between the three of us, we talked it out, sometimes arguing a little, but always trying to move forward, rather than just stay in sad little circles. When we got hung up on things, he helped nudge us forward. He'd grown a lot from the little Zorua he used to be. Maybe he had to, being stuck with me.
As bad as things had been for Alcyon, my sister's umbreon had it worse, the poor little guy. He absolutely loved her, and she absolutely betrayed him. I knew she still kept him in rotation, I'd seen the social media posts. It was heartbreaking to think what she'd asked of him. What she'd made him do.
More than anything though, it was just infuriating. It was absolutely maddening to know she was getting away with it. That there were enough twisted fucks involved in the situation that she could. That nobody put a stop to it.
We'd both cried, and commiserated, and in the end it felt like we'd acknowledged each other in the ways we needed to. I didn't make things better, back then... but it shouldn't have been on my shoulders to do so. Shizuka and I were ... really in a lot of ways we were still just kids, who didn't know anything about the world. What could we have done, even if we knew the whole story?
It was different now though. I hated myself for having run and hid and not faced it all this time. I knew something was wrong, even if I didn't really understand what. I had been scared before, but now I was just angry. The world deserved better than my sister. I deserved better than feeling like I was always in her shadow, too.
"So what do we do now?" I asked, as we made our way back to shore late at night. "Where do we go from here?"
Alcyon - Lapras of Alola
It was a good question, and one I didn't have an answer to. Or rather, one that could be answered more than one way. I didn't want to go back to that world, to face those people, or the memories of it. But we were here now, it was right in my face and I couldn't exactly pretend I didn't know. Didn't see.
Everything felt like the wrong choice. I didn't want to drag my new friends into the mess, I didn't want to avoid it, I didn't want to go back to try and face it, I didn't want to hurt anymore, and there was just nothing I could do.
So when Sharon asked me what we should do... all I could do was growl and shake my head. I didn't have any answers that I wanted to offer. I wished it hadn't happened at all... or that I could pretend it didn't, like I had been before. But life has a funny way of being a pain in the neck.
When we finally made our way back to his room, I was hesitant to face my friend again. I knew what was on the horizon, and I just didn't want to drag him through that storm. I didn't think anything good would come of it anyway. And I didn't have anything to offer him in return for it.
It wasn't fair to him. More than anything else, it wasn't fair to him. Sharon and I? We'd made our beds in this. She ran away as much as I did, and we had to figure that out. But he hadn't done anything wrong. This wasn't his problem to solve. The two of us dumping it all on him would just be cruel.
But so would lying to him.
Why was every choice a bad fucking choice?
Shizuka - Sharon's Haunter
I'd avoided most of the conversation, but caught the tail end as Sharon and Alcyon made their way slowly back to the small room their friend had rented. For all they'd spent all day talking about it, it felt like they hadn't made any actual progress. I wasn't surprised, maybe only a little disappointed. I couldn't choose for her, and pushing her to a decision would just make her quit halfway.
She was only stubborn when she decided it for herself. One of her more maddeningly endearing traits. I still didn't know what she'd do about it all, but as long as she was sure, it would be good enough. It would have to be.
Zorah and I exchanged a few glances over the course of the end of their conversation, it was clear he shared my dissatisfaction. He hated the feeling of work left unfinished, and always had. Stay, or go, he wouldn't have an opinion on... but no decision at all? It would leave him grinding his teeth.
The room was too small for Alcyon, who resigned herself to the pokeball with a gentle smile. She wanted some time to think things over anyway and who could blame her? I nudged Zorah who suggested to Sharon she get a bigger room for us all tomorrow. It wasn't like she couldn't afford it, and her little friend would probably appreciate it.
We'd all need some time to figure out what we needed to do, and whether or not he was going to be a part of it. The least she could do is give us all space to talk it out together. Besides, it would put them in a room together for a while, so they could work out their own problems.
I'd swear the girl could make scrambled eggs difficult.
Trainer
It was late in the night when she'd knocked on the door. I was grateful Sharon had waited as long as she had, the room probably smelled like a brothel, but it was nothing an open window couldn't fix for the moment. I was almost upset about being woken up, but it faded quickly as I saw the state she was in. Sharon clearly hadn't slept at all, and sat heavily on the couch by the door before handing me Alcyon's pokeball with a sigh.
"So..." She said, faltering and looking away. "Mind if I just... crash here for now? We can talk in the morning. I'm exhausted." She admitted, gazing up at me as I closed the door slowly. Somehow I was grateful she was too tired to talk. She wasn't the only one.
"That's fine with me." I replied, with a nod. "But I plan on sleeping in, so... try to let me." I said as I made my way back to bed, no effort at all to hide the tangle of limbs and ribbons I made my way back into. As I cuddled up with my girls, I spared one last glance toward Sharon, and closed my eyes.
Mira had moved from where she'd been wrapped up with everyone else to snuggle up against me, her back to my belly, and her ribbons trailing up my arms. I could feel my agitation slipping away, calm and gentle filling the places it had been.
I knew it was the calm before the storm. Somehow I just knew there was a shift in the wind. The only question was whether we were going to try and avoid it, or turn right into it. We all had some feelings about what we had learned, we'd have to figure those feelings out, and soon.
Tonight though... tonight I just wanted to sleep. Safe, and warm, and loved. I just wanted to sleep.