Not So Grump
Story by Raucous on SoFurry
I wanted to upload a silly little thing so that it didn't feel so bad alongside what I'm uploading next.
The Dan finally gives into Arin's advances while in the middle of an episode.
Warnings...
If you manage to masturbate to this, please leave a comment so I can congradulate you on your impressive wank...
I did a lot of "research into how they talk, but I'm pretty sure most of it leaked out of my brain by the time I wrote this...
I almost didn't put this out, and it's a lot shorter than I wanted because the Grumps specifically said they don't like porn of themselves...
That said, this isn't really all that smutty.
I also didn't have access to my computer, so I'm not sure if it's horrible or not...
I'm not sure I really care.
The following is a document created from the leftover caption data from a video that was taken down off of YouTube. Prior to the video being taken down, I downloaded it, but after checking it, it has highly corrupted visuals and the audio is obnoxiously grainy.
The video in question is from their playthrough of Dragon Age: Origins: Episode 37, entitled "Daddy Caramel, Nooo!!"
I realize this is a lot to take in, but I assure you, the following is absolutely true. If you want evidence, look at their backlog of videos. Notice that the entire Dragon Age: Origins playthrough is suspiciously absent. Now I'll show you why.
(Episode begins with Arin beatboxing.)
Arin: Poop da doop, ba doop doop poopy pants.
Dan: For those of you at home, after the last episode, Arin immediately hopped up and ran out shouting "Get out of the way, I've got a delivery!"
Arin (laughing): I really had to go.
Dan: So you said.
Arin: Man I took a best shit. It felt so good.
Dan: Okay.
Arin: you should have seen it, it was massive.
Dan: Welcome to Game Grumps!
(There is a long pause, game audio is garbled in my copy of the video.)
Dan: Okay so I remember this guy. He's the one who recruited you while you were covered head to toe in horrible visceral.
Arin: Daddy Caramel?
Dan: Oh I forgot you called him Daddy. Does he have kids?
Arin: No, Daddy as in I want him deep in my well pooped butthole.
Dan (deadpan): Of course you would.
Dan: What is he making him drink?
Arin: I think it's a blood cocktail.
Dan: What do you mix in with bl- oh my god, he just died.
Arin: Yeah, he beefed it.
Dan: And he's making the other guy drink it? Oh, he's- What is he doing?
Arin: Daddy Caramel, nooo!!
Dan: Oh he's bruttally murdering that guy.
Arin: I didn't like him anyways.
Dan: What now? Oh my god. They're making you drink it?
Arin: Looks like it.
Dan: Wait... does this mean we're going to have to be introduced to a new party?
Arin: Well yeah, we're still in the prologue.
Dan: We're still- Arin... what episode is this?
Arin: Oh Dan, bl- let me blow you.
(Dan is quiet for a moment while Arin laughs a little at himself.)
Dan: Okay.
Arin: You in?
Dan: Yeah, let's do this.
Arin (taken aback): Really?
Dan: You've been asking as long as I've known you. It had to happen sometime.
Arin: But... what?
Dan: I'm not dating anyone right now, and you said Suzy doesn't mind you being with another man. So fuck it.
Arin: like... right here?
Dan: It's not like there are any cameras on us.
Arin: That's technically true.
Dan: So why not?
(There is an awkwardly long silence.)
Arin: You sure?
Dan: If you waffle on it any more, maybe not.
Arin (psyching himself up): Okay, right, sure. We're doing this, we're doing this.
(Arin's speech gets quieter as he moves away from the mic. There's a little static as the mic is brought back into range.)
Dan: You can start whenever.
Arin: I know, come on. (quietly) I'm just nervous, geez.
Dan: you want me to whip (pronouced with a hard 'h') it out or should you?
(There's a sound of pants being unzipped.)
Dan: Alright Arin, last call, are we doing this?
Arin: Yeah Dan. (struggles for a second) Welcome to the D Clu-uh- DAN! I thought you were Jewish!
Dan: Oh about that. A few years back, I guess more than a decade now, I got bit in the balls by radioactive wolverine. Now my ejaculations have a healing factor. I just haven't had my Brit Malih this week since my personal mohel is out of town.
Arin: I- what?
Dan: Have you never wondered why Brian can kill me each time we release an album? I heal myself every time I jizz.
Arin: Sounds really usef- How do you jizz after getting killed?
Dan: Do I make fun of your kinks?
Arin: Yes, regularly.
Dan: That- That's beside the point.
(There's another pause after which a choking gargling sound can be heard. It goes on for a good long while.)
Dan: Arin, are you still performing for the show?
Arin (exasperated): Well yeah, Dan. (calmer) Wait, are you really serious about this?
Dan: My dick is protruding from my pants and rock hard.
Arin: Well yeah, but this room is really cold.
Dan: Is that how it works, Arin? In the cold?
Arin: So I like it when it's a little chilly, so sue me.
Dan (disappointed): Arin...
Arin: See! You make fun of my kinks all the time!
(There's a noticable thud.)
Dan: Brian? What are you doing here?
Brian: ...
Dan: Why are you wearing your stage outfit?
Brian: ...
Dan: Why are you holding that knife?
Brian: ...!
Arin: Watch out he's gonna stab you.
Dan: That's okay, I'm prepared for this.
Brian: ...
Arin: No don't!
Brian: ...
Dan: Wait, no!
Brian: ...!
Arin: Oh shit!
Dan: Arin!
Brian: ...!
Dan: You've stabbed me. First you stab Arin, and now you stab me? How could I have predicted... (wozzily) this?
Brian: ...
(There is a long pause while the Grumps presumably lie dead.)
Dan: Oh god! I haven't shot my goo so hard in my life.
Arin: ...
Dan: Oh shit, Arin!
(There is a repetitive fapping sound)
Dan: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit... (distorted) Ogawah!
(There is another long pause with the only sound being Dan's heavy breathing of afterglow.)
Arin: Holy shit! What happened?
Dan: Oh uh, uh, nothing! Nothing has happened and I'm not sure why you asked. Why do you ask that?
Arin: Why is my face sticky?
Dan: No reason, I'm sure. I mean... uh... is your face sticky? I didn't notice.
Arin: Why are your pants down?
Dan: I'm... uh... relaxing.
Arin: Did we stop playing for some reason?
Dan: You know short term memory loss is normal when... uh... I mean, yes, we did for short moment.
Arin: Oh look at the timer, I think it's time for "Next Time on Game Grumps"
Dan: Oh thank god.