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I've reworked/moved most of the conversation with Dan and Halo from Part 16 to the beginning of this one. Thanks once again to [Tank Jaeger](%5C) for that suggestion.

Anyway. Nick's bi, so read at your own risk. Feel free to comment/critique/any other feedback (believe me, I love getting it), and enjoy.

• Xi

PS. I think all the high schoolers will be receiving +2 age. I'm not comfortable with how young they are and the things they're doing. I promise I'll rework the beginning of the series at some point to reflect this, but don't hold your breath. So, Nick and Claire are 16, Jake is 17-18, Ivan 18-19.

All's Fair - Part 17

Some days I wish I could just stay in that moment right before I wake up forever. This was one of them. My muzzle was resting along his chest and collarbone, so that my nose was buried in his ruff. He smelled incredible. As usual, I suppose, but that didn't lessen the impact at all.

But that blissful moment was shattered rather abruptly when the bedroom door burst open and admitted a small bundle of noise and pajamas and brown-and-cream fur. I gave a startled yelp and nearly fell out of the bed, while Jake just opened one sleepy, contented eye to try to identify the disturbance. Damn him.

Michael somehow managed to nix his momentum before crashing into the window and bounded onto the bed, only narrowly missing me. "You're back!" he not-quite-shouted excitedly, bouncing on the mattress.

I blushed hard, almost painfully aware of my state beneath the bed covers. The deer, on the other paw, was apparently oblivious. "C'mon, wake up! Aislyn said you're friends again!" he said.

"Did she?" Jake asked with amusement, yawning and caressing my back with one paw. I groaned to myself. Figures she'd turn out to have a sadistic sense of humor even when she was being nice. "Well, why don't you go thank her for telling you while we wake up all the way?" He gently pushed his pouting, giggling brother off the bed, grinning a bit himself. Michael reverted back to beaming from his pout and ran back onto the balcony. "And next time knock when you want to come in!" Jake called after him. Then the wolf lazily got out of bed and shut - and locked, this time - the door before turning and raising one eyebrow at my deep blush.

"Well?" he said, moving to the small pile of clothes in the corner and fishing out my pants. "That bought us maybe a minute, tops, before he's back." He flicked the covers back, ignoring my yip as the cool bedroom air attacked my legs, and started tugging the jeans over my feet. "Wake up, mutt."

I groaned and took over, pulling them the rest of the way up over my boxers from yesterday. I'd worry about changing them later. "It's way too early to be conscious," I said through a yawn of my own. Jake chuckled, hopping his way into a pair of uniform pants.

Watching him start to button up his shirt, I suddenly slid to my feet and hugged him, pressing my face into the fur on his chest before he covered it up.

He stopped, then gently wrapped his arms around me without saying anything. Carefully he walked us back to the bed and sat down, never once loosening his hold.

"Good morning, mutt," he murmured.

I sighed and shut my eyes, content to just listen to the heartbeat thumping in my ear and try to count the strands of his fur by touch alone and to not feel the tension stretched just beneath the surface. Maybe we weren't as over it as I wished I could pretend.

Which maundering was all well and good until our minute was up and there was a knock on the door.

Suppressing an urge to just ignore the sound, I got up and padded over to unlock and open it. Which was how I found myself face to face - well, face to neck - with not only Michael but Dan and Halo as well.

Awkward.

"Good morning, Nick," Dan said with a smile. I blushed - which made me feel even more awkward, which made me blush more - and returned the greeting. I really should have put a shirt on. "May we come in?"

I nodded, while behind me Jake said "Sure, Dad." Then I retreated and shyly resumed my place on the wolf's lap. Really shyly. Sure, everyone there knew about Jake and me, and apparently no one minded, but somehow it was ten times more embarrassing to sit with him in his bedroom than in the living room. Hell, we hadn't even done anything, for crying out loud! But - well, embarrassing or no, accepting or no, there wasn't a chance in Hell I was going to sit anywhere else.

Things were kind of crowded once everyone was settled. Halo sat on the foot of the bed, while Dan took the slouch seat next to it. Michael plunked down on the pillows, about a foot from Jake's shoulder and still bouncing. I've no idea where he got his energy.

"I'm really happy you aren't fighting anymore," he said, radiating a very simple kind of sincerity.

"Me, too," I whispered, too quietly to be heard. The little deer's statement brought way too much way too near the surface. It was like I was a too-tightly-stretched cord - I was relaxing slowly, but every little thing kept pulling me right back to where I'd started.

"Me, too," Jake unwittingly echoed in a much more confident voice.

"So, you two are doing okay?" Dan asked in a rather more sober tone. The older wolf was smiling a bit to lessen the sting, though.

"We... I guess not yet, but we're getting there," Jake replied after considering it. I grimaced in pain. Why couldn't he just lie and say everything was wonderful now?

Unfortunately, Halo saw it. "What about you, Nick? Are you okay with this?"

I forced myself to shake off the sudden unhappiness. "Um... yeah, I think so."

Dan gave a slightly relived grin, right before Michael butted in again. "Jake? How come you and Nick were sleeping together?"

Bloody deer. I was beginning to wonder if pink was going to be my permanent fur color. Why did I have to have such a bad blush reaction? This time even Jake hesitated a bit while he considered how to answer. Smothering something that looked suspiciously like a grin, Halo rescued us. "They're boyfriends, Michael." I had to suppress another wince; that was not a title I'd ever wanted - not with him. "You've seen other furs holding paws on the street, haven't you?"

Michael gawked, then nodded, sticking his lower lip out a bit while he pondered this. Then he made a face. "You mean they kiss?"

I just about cracked a rib keeping myself from laughing, unhappiness briefly pushed aside.

At least, I laughed until a large, warm paw tilted my chin up and back and warm lips touched mine. Jake kept it fairly chaste, considering the company, but he still left me a little breathless.

"Ewwww," the deer said, making another face, then squealed when Jake twisted around and started tickling him. At that point I lost the battle with laughter again and joined in the general chorus. Eventually Michael managed to squirm out of range, still giggling, and Dan and Halo chivvied him out of the room. He paused in the doorway and stuck his tongue out at us with a broad grin before scampering off.

"On that subject," Halo continued after shutting the door, "we're not going to tell you what you can and can't be doing with each other, but I do not expect to hear that you two are skipping classes or getting into any trouble at school together, is that understood?"

"All right, Mum," Jake groaned with a hint of annoyance, while I gave a truly embarrassing little meep of assent. Yep, definitely my permanent fur color.

Dan frowned severely at his son. "You needn't take that tone. Jake, we've given you a lot of leeway in how you want to live your life, but that doesn't mean you're exempt from the need to at least check in once in a while. You haven't been doing that."

"I'm working on it," the wolf muttered, lips lifting a little to reveal his pearly teeth. "A lot's been going on with me, you know."

Bad move. Both adults' eyes narrowed, though they remained still. "Jake!" Halo snapped angrily.

His grip on me tightened momentarily as he tried to stare his parents down, then relaxed as he ducked his gaze and laid his ears slightly back. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

Dan and Halo relaxed in turn - but not all the way. "That's just it," the deer continued, red-black fur glimmering as she shifted in the early morning light; "we only know what's been going on indirectly. You're supposed to keep us informed, Jake, but you haven't been talking to us at all."

She stopped, and Dan took over. "So, we're going to lay out some ground rules for you two." The older wolf's tone was level, but there was a hint of anger under it as well. "We want to sit down with you two every couple of days - every night, to start with - and talk about how you're doing. If you're having any more issues, you need to bring them up." His voice softened. "It wasn't good for anyone the way you were keeping secrets and not talking about your relationship."

Shaking himself a bit, he met our eyes. "We'll try to respect your need for privacy, but we are going to do this. Understand?"

Jake hesitated, then gave a grudging nod. I did the same. I was a bit conflicted; I did not want to talk about this, ever again if I could help it. It was scary to know how badly I'd fallen to pieces over anything, let alone some overprotective wolf I shouldn't even like. Besides, it was Rules. But on the other paw, I was willing to jump at anything that offered a hint of order right about then.

Next Halo turned her eyes on me. "That actually goes even more for you, Nick." I gulped nervously, but the deer smiled, her tone turning slightly apologetic. "We actually meant to do the same thing with you earlier, but we never did, and that's our fault as much as yours." I fidgeted uncomfortably, rubbing the side of my face against Jake's chest, and he made a small, encouraging little noise over my head while very gently biting my ear. "So, how have you been holding up so far, with everything that's happened? Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable here?"

Damn it, now they wanted me to say something. I tried to get around it by just nodding, but she persisted. "Come on, we need to hear your input as well if this is going to work."

They both looked so honestly, sincerely concerned for me that I pulled myself together to answer. "I - well, you've seen how well I've held up, I guess," I said softly, giving a ghost of a laugh while Jake shut his eyes in pain and tightened his grip on me. Halo winced a little as well, presumably for asking. "And... um, you've been doing fine. Great. Way better than Mum did."

That statement reverberated for about a second; then I inhaled sharply. "I didn't mean to say that. Way better than the center."

Which led to a really long, tense silence before Halo tentatively broke it. "D'you want to talk about it?"

"Absolutely not," I said, my voice suddenly icy. Silently I cursed myself for letting my stupid tongue run away with me, and hoped no one would see how thin my façade of composure was. I hid my face in Jake's fur so that my eyes wouldn't give me away. God, why did I have to say that now? Everything was still so fragile, and I was running around throwing bricks.

There were fingers running through the fur on my cheek to rest under my chin, gently pulling me back a little to look up at him. Jake gave me a tiny smile and a comforting lick on the tip of my nose. His eyes were full of sorrow, and apology, and comfort. They were frightening, and I blushed, unable to look away.

I don't know how long it lasted, really. Eventually the wolf's smile widened slightly and he turned to look at his parents. Shaking myself slightly, I did the same.

They were both carefully expressionless - the kind of expressionless you get when you're smothering fond amusement.

"All right," Dan said, standing up. "I guess that's about it for now. We just want you to know we're available, Nick. Don't either of you hesitate to call us if you need to; it's fine if you interrupt us while we're at work." He sobered again. "In the mean time, just be careful, okay? We really care about both of you, and was hard seeing you so unhappy."

He and Halo took turns hugging Jake and me around the shoulders and left quietly. "Thanks," I whispered just as the door shut.

I thought I'd been quiet enough that no one would hear me, but Jake tightened his hold a bit. "You know it's okay to say it when they're here, Nick," he murmured quietly.

I shivered.

I know how stupid it sounds, but I came within an inch of crying when he followed me into the bathroom to shower.

And half an inch closer when he paused to breathe the scent in my towel before he undressed, just like I'd wanted so badly to do with his every one of the last nineteen days.

And one more when the first drops of water bounced onto me from him.

A single tiny whimper was all the warning I could give him before I shoved against his chest, bashing my body against ceramic as I backed into a corner of the stall and wrapped my arms around my chest, jaws clamped tight together in an attempt to keep from sobbing. Thank God I was probably too wet to tell that there were tears falling down my cheeks.

I couldn't see his reaction - I still refused to open my eyes when he was in the bathroom with me; I don't even know why anymore - but I could hear his ragged breathing, hear the soft patter of water against his fur, the wet rustling as he shifted.

Jake didn't immediately move to hold me again. I expected him to, and I suppose maybe he wanted to, but he didn't do it and that's probably just as well. I don't think I could have handled it. I almost couldn't even handle the single finger he eventually did touch me with, caressing almost imperceptibly over my twisted lips. He didn't say anything, either, which was also probably just as well. He just made a funny, comforting little half-whine while he carefully parted my lips and traced over the clenched fangs.

After a few minutes of this, the wolf slowly started to pull his paw away. I growled a little at him and forcefully grabbed his paw. With something far too close to a sob of his own for my comfort, Jake used my hold to pull me forward, then suddenly enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug. All the air was pushed out of my lungs with a huff.

"God, I'm so sorry," he whispered brokenly. Not knowing what else to do - not even sure how much I wanted to do at that point - I gingerly patted his back. Slowly the pats devolved into a slow, near-incredulous exploration of said back, feeling every muscle, every twitch of his skin under my paws.

After a little while, though, I had to clear my throat. "J-Jake?"

"Hmm?"

"I can't breathe."

After a single shocked moment, the wolf burst out laughing and loosened his grip. "And we're going to be late if we don't get a move on. Good thing Michael woke us up early."

"You call that good?" I mock-grumbled. "Besides, you say we'll be late like it's a bad thing."

"It is, since Mum and Dad will skin us alive."

I had to concede the point.

But our humor faded almost as quickly as it had come, and I frowned to myself. It was definitely becoming one of the stranger mornings of my life. I was supposed to be happy, wasn't I? Ecstatic, I should think. I had him back; he wasn't with Amy anymore. I had single-handedly shattered a caring relationship while simultaneously flirting with a straight lion, and no one even minded.

More to the point, the last nineteen days were finally over. We were back together: talking, touching, joking. I'd been overjoyed when I woke up; utterly content just to be with him.

So what was wrong with me now? I couldn't even begin to name what I was feeling, but it wasn't happiness anymore. Desperation, maybe.

For that matter, what was wrong with Jake? The wolf had gotten quieter and quieter as we hurried to dry off, get brushed and dressed, get Michael out to catch his bus and say goodbye to Aislyn when she caught hers, get our stuff and start on a quick bowl of cereal. I personally would have nixed the last, all things considered, but I wasn't exactly consulted. Apparently Jake figured that now that we were back on speaking terms it was his job to get me back up to my former weight, and I looked the almost-overflowing bowl uneasily.

Well, at least I'd get an answer for one of my questions. Jake waited until I was past the halfway point, then, ears laid half back to show the lie to his confident tone, he set down his spoon and looked at me. "Mutt, we need to talk." Again. Fantastic.

"O... kay?" I asked, caught between trepidation and curiosity.

He caught my gaze and held it, clearly nervous and clearly looking for something again, though I'd no idea what. But I guess he found it, and I guess it alleviated his nerves, because he gave a small, decisive nod without breaking eye contact before speaking. "I know you don't want to talk about this, but what happened with your mother?"

I stiffened up, all my tension morphing instantly to anger. "None of your business," I snapped, bristling at him and growling in the back of my throat.

He looked pained. "Mutt, I'm sorry, but I need -"

"You need?" I interrupted viciously. I knew I was going to regret it later, but right then the wolf had just handed me a gold-plated excuse to vent two and a half weeks of pent-up unhappiness. Decency took a poor second. "Here's what you need to do. You need to get your nose out of my business and fuck off!" Jake opened his muzzle to say something, but I didn't even give him a chance. "No! Just shut up, Jake!" I violently threw off his paw when he tried to lay it on mine, surging to my feet. "Here we're finally back to normal, but you can't just leave it be, can you? You have to see where else you can drive the stake in, is that it?"

"Nick, wait!" he said, almost frantically, as I all-but ran to grab my backpack and get out of there. "Please, I'm s- I just - I love you, and I don't like how it hurt y -"

He cut off as I abruptly spun around and shoved him back. "You love me?!" I repeated incredulously, then switched to furious sarcasm. "Oh, right. That must be why you fucking dumped me for the last two weeks, why I've been sleeping outside your door every godforsaken night, right?!" I was shouting now, advancing and pushing the larger wolf back with every step. "Is this like when you told Amy you loved her?" I saw him wince, saw the tears forming in his eyes, and drove forward ruthlessly. "I bet she believed it, right before she saw you kissing me. Yeah, I can see how much it means when you say you love me. You must think I'm some kind of fucking moron. Well, I'm not, and I hope you rot in hell!"

His back hit the glass living room wall, and I immediately spun and ran as fast as I could out the front door, eyes streaming to the point where I could barely see. I just wanted - needed - to put as much distance between us as I could. So I ran.

He could have caught up with me. I knew that; I was far from the top of my form. It was only about a mile to school, but I had to walk part of the way. Pathetic. He could have caught me without even trying. Which meant that he deliberately chose not to. Maybe I'd finally gotten to him, I thought savagely, shaking tears out of my eyes and snarling at a passing horse. Maybe now he'd let me be for a change. I refused to remember that that was exactly what he'd been doing lately, and that it had damn near killed me. That was completely different.

But I still didn't dare look behind me.

The weather was cooperating with my mood perfectly: dreary clouds were slowly sinking downward, and the first warning drops of rain were starting to mark the sidewalk.

Standing outside of the social psychology door as the last, tinny echoes of the tardy bell faded from hearing, I furiously wished I'd never heard of Dan and Halo. If it weren't for them, I'd have ditched without so much as a second thought. Instead I was stuck here, knowing I was in trouble already for being late but unable to just forget about it and leave.

Damn it all. I opened the door and stepped in to get the telling-off over with.

As the class wore on it only got worse. I was fidgeting so badly the professor had to chew me out three more times before the bell, and each time soured my mood even further. By the end of the period I was practically chewing on the textbook and had a detention that lunch, and on the way to my locker afterward I nearly knocked several other students over as I ploughed furiously through.

Which was roughly my mood when Claire came over as I was stowing my books.

I knew as soon as she touched my arm that I needed to get out of there. You know how, sometimes, even without them saying anything, you can just tell something's wrong? Her eyes were dry, and her face only a little anxious. She had a nasty little cut on her left cheek, nothing serious. But she was upset.

And I didn't care.

"What?" I snapped, jerking my arm away. The bear-fox flinched.

"I - I -" she stopped for a breath. "Hey, Nick, how ar-"

"Hey," I returned shortly, shutting the metal door with considerably more force than necessary. It rebounded just as hard, so that I actually took even longer shutting it than normal. My lips drew back from my teeth as I finally got the lock closed.

She caught my paw as I turned away. I almost screamed in frustration. Couldn't she fucking lay off for one bloody day?! "Nick, are you okay?"

"What do you think?" I half-growled, bristling.

She still refused to take the hint. "So - I guess you tried to talk with him?" We were starting to draw witnesses in the crowd, but she kept her eyes on my face.

For my part, I couldn't quite manage to meet her gaze, but I didn't let that stop me. I couldn't - if I did, I'd have to go back to being miserable, and any more of that might break me. "What do you think?" I repeated even more angrily.

The bear-fox pulled back, an anguished expression painting her muzzle. "I'm just trying to help," she whispered.

I rolled my eyes. A small - too small - part of me begged the rest to stop before I completely destroyed this, too. I stepped on it without a second thought.

"Great. That's all I need: more 'help'. When'll you learn to just quit?!"

"Nick, I -"

"No! Don't even start with your 'Nick, I' !" I shouted furiously. We were drawing watchers, now, and some were looking angry. I didn't care. "I am so fucking sick of you two always butting into my business! I'm sick of being examined every time I fucking breathe! Just fuck off!"

"Please, just -" Claire laid a paw on my arm.

My paw snapped upward, and for one instant I honestly thought I was going to hit her. But I pulled it back, just brushing the fur on her muzzle with the back of my paw. "I don't need advice from a bitch like you!" I yelled.

"Enough!" an authoritative voice snapped, cutting straight through the increasingly angry murmur from the crowd. The Royal Marine parted them easily, stopping a pace away to glare at me. "That is enough," he repeated in the sudden silence. "Mr. Donovan, you will serve detention with me after school."

Still panting heavily, I glared at the buck, closer than I'd ever been to attacking him. But he stared right back, dark green eyes almost crackling with fury to match mine, and I eventually had to look down.

"Fine," I muttered sullenly, as the students started to rapidly disperse again, apparently realizing how much of the passing period they'd wasted.

He waited a moment longer, then nodded curtly. "Now get to class," he said. Then he turned to Claire, exactly as if I'd ceased to exist. I didn't wait around; I grabbed my bag and left, so I only just caught the edges of her tearful refusals of his offer to talk.

I got all the way to the door of the gymnasium before I remembered that Jake shared the class with me; without pausing, I pulled a ninety degree left and kept walking. The steady rain cut visibility somewhat and made it easier to get off campus; within ten minutes I was well on my way to the hills outside of town.

There's something calming about the way the rain falls in a forest, the sound it makes as it works its way down through the trees, the mingling of almost-dry areas and sudden drenches of water. I walked quickly, but aimlessly, changing direction every once in a while just because I could. The water soaking through my uniform and fur slowly leeched out my temper, drop by drop. I steadfastly refused to think about the day, focusing just on the rocks and shrubs in front of me. But some of it made it through, I guess; I could feel a steadily-increasing load of unacknowledged guilt building just past my steadily-decreasing defense of anger. It wasn't the best walk I'd ever had.

Both of which maybe helped explain why, when the afternoon had worn by and I guessed classes to be ending, I was back on campus, drenched and dripping on the cheap tile as I trudged to serve my detention with Professor Roderick. The part of me that was still enraged called me names I had no business knowing for coming back for a detention, of all things, but by then it was a very small part.

Apparently Professor Roderick is a believer in practical punishment. Apparently he also has keys to the janitors' closets. Thirty minutes of scrubbing later, I was even wetter, if possible, and some of the graffiti on the back wall of the math wing was just a stain on my scrubbing pads.

It wasn't a job that required the application of thought, which left me all too free to ponder what I'd done to get there. Which was probably the point. After half an hour of him watching me - apparently not caring about the rain enough to open the umbrella beside him - I'd thought myself into a little pit of unhappiness, as evidenced by my laid-back ears and tucked tail. When he finally spoke, I flinched.

"Do you really care so little about your friends, Nick?"

"I do care!" I protested. "I just - had other things on my mind, is all."

It sounded hollow even to me, and the Professor treated it as such. "And do you think that is making Miss Terrod feel any better right now?" I shivered, little droplets flicking outward around me.

He left that to fester for a few more moments, then continued. "You're incredibly lucky to have furs like her, you know. And like him."

I flinched again, much more violently. I didn't know how he knew, but it didn't matter. The scene from this morning replayed in my head, and without the glass of fury to look through I saw what I'd looked like as I attacked him.

Then he drove it through. "Suppose they believed you?"

I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I slowly fell forward onto the wall, supporting myself on one forearm. I wanted to sob, but something stopped me. My inner masochist, maybe. The Royal Marine didn't say anything or move, either to hurt or to comfort. He just stood and watched me impassively.

After a few more moments I drew a deep, shuddering breath and made myself turn and face the Professor. "C-can I go, please, Sir?" I got out. "I - I have to make some apologies."

The buck studied my face for a moment, then nodded curtly. "I expect you back here every day for the rest of the week, Mr. Donovan," was all he said. "Also, I called the Alteras to notify them of your punishment. And your truancy." He met my eyes briefly, then made a shooing gesture.

That, and just before I got out of hearing range I thought I heard him call out softly.

"Luck."

I started out just walking for Jake's house, but slowed. Stepping into the lee next to some business's grey stone wall, I hesitantly reached into my pack and pulled out my cell phone. Stared at it. Swallowed. Then dialed his home phone and pressed the device to my ear.

He picked up just after the first ring. "Hello?"

"Jake?" I half-whispered. "It's me."

Nothing. Nothing at all, for so long I thought he'd left. Then, "Hey, Nick." His tone was so cautious, the lingering hoarse unhappiness carefully suppressed. I wished I'd waited just those extra fifteen minutes so I could hug him.

I took another deep breath to speak, but before I could say anything the wolf's voice started pouring out of the speaker. "Nick, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I know I shouldn't have pushed you so hard, I just - I'm sorry. I promise I won't ask you about your Mum again, never, until you're r-"

"Please, stop," I said in a pained whisper. I hated hearing him apologize like that, like he thought he'd deserve it if I hated him. What was almost worse was the way he cut off in mid-word when I spoke.

"It..." God, why did it have to be so hard? It was all I could do to force the words out of my stuttering muzzle. "It w-wasn't you. I shouldn't h-have d-done that, should've just s-said no, I didn't m-mean to -" I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my ears even harder back, sliding to the rain-soaked ground and fighting to keep from sobbing. I couldn't say it if I was sobbing. "I - I'm s-sorry, Jake."

I think it was the first time I'd ever really, sincerely apologized to him. I felt salty tears add to the wetness on my face while I huddled miserably on the concrete and my voice started breaking. "Oh, God, I'm s-so, so sorry..."

"Hey, it's all right, mutt," Jake said, trying to sound soothing even though his voice wasn't in much better shape than mine was. Which mostly just made it worse because he sounded so broken, so unhappy, and because then I was trying to reassure him at the same time and having even worse luck at it.

Still, we did eventually calm down enough that I stopped sniffling. Some time after that, I even managed a weak, watery chuckle. "Let's not do this again, 'kay?"

The wolf managed a ghost of a laugh as well. " 'Kay." He hesitated. "Umm... d-d'you want me to come pick you up? Mum's home, so I can take her car."

I winced. So, on top of everything, I'd pulled Halo out of work early. "I - I actually need to talk to someone else first. I'll probably just walk back. I - see you soon?" I asked.

"Okay," he said. "See you soon, mutt."

The line went quiet, but I held it to my ear a moment longer anyway. I was trembling, I noticed irrelevantly. An intense relief was coursing through my body, so that everything from the tip of my tail to my ears shook.

But I wasn't done yet. Slowly bringing the phone down from my ear - and wondering if all this water was going to damage it permanently - I tried to get my shaking fingers to work the keypad. On the second attempt it even worked, and I carefully dialed Claire's number and hit "call". Waited through the first ring. Then the second.

Then the third. Fourth. Fifth. Sixth. Then a cool female voice was telling me that the customer I was trying to reach was unavailable at that time.

I left her a voicemail and ended the call, worried. I didn't call Claire terribly often, but she'd almost always answered. What few times she hadn't she got back to me quickly. I felt my stomach plummeting with anxiety. Something was wrong. I and my stupid, petulant little temper tantrum had made it so the last time I saw her she was in tears, and now she wasn't answering her phone. God, I'd fucked things up royally this time.

I hesitated a moment longer before getting decisively to my feet. I needed to see her. A voicemail didn't cut it, and frankly neither did a phone call. It would have been just a preliminary anyway.

I took one step towards Claire's house - then stopped, and carefully typed out a text message to Jake saying I needed to see another friend, so I would be a little late, and I was really sorry about this. I could at least try to keep from making that mistake again on top of all the others. Then I set out at a run for the poorer section of town.

"Claire, what did I do to you?" I whispered as I ran.

The old brick facade of the row houses was, if anything, even dirtier than before. Claire's door certainly was. While waiting for a response to my knock, I wondered if they'd ever been cleaned, or if they'd just stood there accumulating grime for all the decades of their existence.

I heard the muffled shouting of Claire's mother seconds before she threw open the door and subjected me to its full volume. "You! It's about time mumble mumble back! Could'a' dragged your stupid, lazy mumble halfway to London 'til y'got here! I'm gonna - oh, it's you." The massive bear finally noticed me cringing in front of her. Judging by her breath, I guessed she was - relatively - sober. I wondered if that was a good thing.

"Well, what d'you want?" she asked rudely, jolting me from my thoughts.

"I - um, I'm looking for Claire," I said as politely as I could while doing my best to hide my anxiety.

The bear snorted. "You and me both." She waived one paw violently, only just missing my nose. "Well, she's na' here, so you can just clear off."

I swallowed a bit and held my ground. "Do you know where she was going, ma'am?"

"Beats me. Don't care, either."

"She didn't say anything? What about when she'll be back?" I pressed, feeling the first hints of desperation. Time was slipping through my fingers while I stood here.

Claire's mother glared down at me, clearly annoyed. "Lazy chit ran off half an hour ago. Said she'd be back 'soon'. Fat ass like her's probably still dawdling along the way."

My hackles rose, but my angry retort was forestalled by the crunch of car tires on pavement a couple paces behind me. It was followed by the sound of a door opening. I turned around to see Claire's father in another grey business suit stepping onto the sidewalk and pulling out an umbrella for the short walk. "Well, hello, Nick!" he said warmly, looking me over with his light green eyes and smiling. "It's nice to see you again. Have you been doing all right?"

"Hello, sir," I replied, hiding the quaver in my voice. "I was just checking to see if Claire was here."

"She's not?" he asked, still watching me. I mutely shook my head. "Well, I'm sure that if you stay a few moments she'll be back." He laid a paw on my shoulder. "Heavens, you're soaked to the bone! Have you been standing out here in the rain instead of inside where you belong?" For the first time, the fox took notice of his wife, who was still standing in the doorway. "How very usual."

He slid his paw from my shoulder to my back and started to push me gently inside. I balked a little, swallowing. "No, I - I really should be -"

"Nonsense," Claire's father interrupted cheerfully. "It's no trouble. Come in for a little while and dry off. I'm certain Claire will be along in a minute."

So, reluctantly, I allowed him to take me in, past the kitchen and into the dim, messy living room. I saw Claire's mother get a bottle of some drink out of the fridge on her way by, then they both vanished for a bit while I sat nervously on the couch, dripping everywhere. But barely a few seconds passed before the fox came back, this time alone and holding a pair of towels. Overriding my uneasy protests, he handed one to me and made me wrap it around my shoulders. It smelled... well, weird.

Then he used the other to start rubbing my headfur.

"Hey!" I said loudly, in a significantly sharper voice than I'd intended, and jerked to my feet. The fox just looked at me questioningly. "I can do that," I continued, trying to sound calmer but still unnerved.

"Oh. Certainly," he said, giving me another of his strange, charismatic smiles. As I took the towel he caught one of my paws in both of his. "I do apologize if I offended you, Nick." He sounded properly sorry, but there was a barely-noticeable husk to his voice that set my teeth on edge.

"N-no, I -" I faltered to a stop, my heart starting to pound. One of his thumbs was slowly, smoothly pushing and caressing my palm. I tried to tug my paw away, but he just took a half step closer, way too close, and kept his grip. I was suddenly made aware that he was almost a head taller than me as he gazed down at my face with his light green eyes and too-warm smile. Our noses were barely a foot apart.

"I-I h-have to go," I whispered, shaking badly. "J-Jake is -" I broke off, ducked my head away and jerked my paw out of his. Then, before the older fox could do anything, I rushed as fast as I could past him and headed for the door. I think maybe he started to call sharply after me, but I was already gone.

I didn't stop running until I'd made it to Jake's house.

He saw me coming and opened the door, just in time to catch a bundle of sopping wet, trembling, whimpering husky. I didn't mean to attach to him like that, and I expect I scared him pretty badly, but he was there and I couldn't help it. I just hung on to him.

"Hey, it's okay," the wolf murmured above me, wrapping his arms tightly around my back and completely ignoring the fact that his clothes were soaked through in seconds. "Nick, I'm really sorry; I didn't want to upset you. I promise I won't keep pushing you. Shh, it's all right, mutt."

I shook my head a little, trying to say that wasn't it. The trouble was that Jake's words brought all that back, too, and all I could get out was a high-pitched whine. It was several minutes before I calmed down enough to pull away and answer properly.

"It's okay," I answered softly. "That was my fault, Jake, I'm - I'm sorry." I sniffed, and suddenly realized that we had company. Halo and Aislyn were sitting on the couch in the living room, pretending to ignore us while simultaneously waiting until we'd finished. Seeing me look at her, Halo stood up and walked over, carrying a towel for me.

Bad move. I shied away violently when the deer tried to dry me off, jamming my tail between my body and the door frame and eliciting a loud yelp. Jake and Halo both stepped forward in concern, but the sharp pain actually let me get my brain in focus again.

"S-sorry," I apologized. "I was just - I can do that." I reached out and took the towel and made myself start briskly working over myself, trying to get at least enough water out of my fur that I wouldn't make a mess all the way to my room to change clothes.

"Nick, what's wrong?" Halo asked. Jake looked like he wanted to do the same, but didn't quite dare yet. Looking at the awkward way the wolf stood there, concern written over every feature but forcibly stopping himself from acting on it, made me feel awful. I tried to give him a comforting smile, but I don't think it worked very well.

" 'S nothing," I answered after a moment to consider it. "I was just at - at Claire's house, but she wasn't there." I wondered if I could leave it at that, but decided probably not. "I... um, I needed to apologize to her too." My voice dropped. "I don't know where she is."

Aislyn shifted, and I looked at her, wondering how she'd gotten over without me even noticing her get off the couch. "Actually, she came by here earlier." Jake and Halo turned to stare as well, and the wolf shrugged slightly. "It was before either of you got home." She met my eyes expressionlessly. "She looked upset. She had a package she wanted me to give you when you got here."

"Did she say what it was for?" I asked hesitantly. Maybe Claire just didn't want to stay at home, and she'd left a note saying how to get hold of her? But, no, she still would have had her cell, right?

"No," Aislyn replied. "I left it in the kitchen, over here." The wolf turned and left, and we followed. At some point Jake's paw stole into mine and gave a comforting squeeze.

The slim package was just folded into an old newspaper. I sat down and started unwrapping it while Aislyn and Halo tactfully withdrew and Jake sat down next to me, carefully looking the other way. Briefly my mind marveled at the privacy they offered as a simple matter of course. I'd never had anything like it before.

The newspaper contained an unsealed envelope and a thin notebook. The envelope contained a short letter, neatly written out on plain white paper but somewhat blotched by droplets of water.

Dear Nick,

I just want to say I'm sorry for everything. I don't know what you're going through, and I shouldn't have asked when you didn't want to tell me.

I know you probably don't think so, but you've been a wonderful friend. Even when you were mad at me. You always listened to my personal issues, even though they must have sounded so petty and boring. You made me feel happy around you. I only wish I were better in return, to pay you back. But I'm not. I'm not, and I can't keep living like this.

I know I'm hurting you now, and I'm sorry for that too. But I can't do it anymore. I hope you're happy with Jake, or if not him with someone. I know I was never in the running, and I shouldn't have been. You deserve better. But I can't keep pretending it doesn't hurt, and I can't keep going home knowing things are never going to get better.

I'm really sorry. I guess I won't be seeing you any more. Do you remember last winter, you took me to see a movie and we climbed up that building after and you saw my wrists and you just hugged me? Thank you for that. But I'm going to ruin it, too, probably, when I jump off of it.

Sorry. I suppose writing this just made it worse, but I wanted to say I'm not mad at you for today. Goodbye.

Love,

Claire

***

Well, there it is. NOT a happy cat. I really feel like I gave this everything I had, but it wasn't sufficient. The talk with Dan and Halo is STILL off, the fighting is forced, the flow is a joke, the scenes with Claire are way too shallow to justify the result, and there just isn't the kind of emotion there should be. If you have any suggestions for improvement, by all means, let me know.