FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Winter Solstice

Spending the night on the floor turned out not to have been the best idea, as it took me almost an hour to get the feeling back in my body when I awoke at three AM. I spent the next half hour in utter agony as that pins and needles feeling swept through me. Finally though, I managed to get up enough strength back to lever myself up off the floor. I picked up Cerberus and carried him into the bedroom (Dragons are considered extremely strong- We aren't really, we just keep the strength of our massive feral creatures, even in our Anthro forms), depositing him in the bed before heading off to use the bathroom. By five o'clock, I was pulling up my email; it was early for me, but it was close enough to my usual rising time that I didn't think it was worth it to try and get more sleep. My email had good news: all my orders had shipped, and would be at my parents' house by the time we got there in a few days.

I quickly sent my father an email, telling him what was coming and asking him to set them aside for me. With that done, I shut down my computer and the smell and feel of my boxers finally began to offend me, so I decided to take a shower. Feeling clean again, I decided that I didn't want to wake Cerberus, so I flopped down on the couch wearing just a towel. Somehow, I managed to fall asleep for another few hours.

I woke up to the sound of the shower running, so I headed back into the bedroom to get dressed, that done, I went into the kitchen and began making breakfast. Cerberus staggered in rubbing his eyes a short time later, with a good morning lick and cuddle. He thanked me for taking him to bed and said he looked forward to trying out his new brushes. We ate breakfast and began discussing our impending trip to see my parents. We would spend half a week with them, then return home before heading up to my grandfather's on the 23rd. Cerberus was looking forward to the Christmas baking, which reminded me to call my mother and get a list of what we had agreed to do in that department. With a list, we decided to go shopping; and, for some strange reason, Cerberus wanted to go to the mall. I was a little nervous about that, but I couldn't see the mall being super busy on a weekday so I agreed.

I think he just wanted to get out of the house for a while, something that I could understand completely. We walked around the entire mall a few times, stopping in any stores that caught our fancy, but it was clear that we weren't really looking for anything in particular, just window shopping. I had to admit that I was in a somewhat more affectionate mood than usual, and as we walked the mall, I reached down and took hold of Cerberus' paw. He didn't say anything to me about it, but he squeezed my claw and led me into a clothing store. There, Cerbi proceeded to pick out and model several outfits that he was thinking about for Christmas. He seemed most concerned about picking out a nice shirt, and we narrowed it down to a dark red, a dark blue, or a dark green. I didn't care much for the red, as it was too close to the color of my scales, but we decided to take both the blue and the green. I got myself a black shirt, although I had to have it altered right away to accommodate my wings. With our Christmas outfits picked out, we resumed our stroll through the mall still holding paws.

I still don't know what possessed me to hold his paw like that, but as I looked around (an easy task since I was about a head taller than anyone except the handful of dragons and a few bears), no one seemed to be taking any notice of as at all. Or if they did, they didn't seem to think two obviously unrelated males holding paws, was that out of the ordinary. That was what I was thinking about when I realized that Cerberus was heading for the 'Meet Santa' line. When I asked him what he was doing, he said that we needed a picture for the personalized Christmas cards. We were going to send out Christmas cards? To whom exactly are we going to send them? I'd queried him in surprise. He ran down the list while we stood in the short line. The mouse taking money seemed faintly amused by me trying to talk him out of it while Cerberus paid for the pictures. The badger playing Santa seemed moderately worried for a moment that we were actually going to sit on his lap, but I just shook my head and knelt down on one side of the chair while Cerberus did the same on the other side. Five minutes later, we resumed our mall walk with Cerberus razzing me about not wanting to meet Santa. I sensed that I wasn't going to get anywhere fighting it, so I stayed quiet.

That night I had a strange dream. I only remember fragments of it now, but I remember Cerberus begging me to show him who I really was. And then he turned into some sort of dog/dragon hybrid and was chasing me, and not in a sexually playful way either. I woke up just as I was pinned under his claws...

I'd woken up in a cold sweat, but managed to pull myself together before I woke Cerberus. I lay there for a long time, staring at the ceiling, afraid to attempt to return to sleep. It wasn't so much the imagery of the dream that bothered me once my heart rate had returned to normal, but that nagging thought that I wasn't being completely honest with Cerberus. This was a purely dragon concept and the dream Cerberus had been right; I hadn't shown him who I really was. Not that I really could. As I'd told the therapist all those months ago, the world is just not set up to cater to twenty-five foot quadrupeds, and besides, what if he saw my true form and was scared of me? The furred community had a deep seated fear of dragons that had taken a long time for us to overcome. Even now, much of the dragon population tended to segregate itself from the furs and other scales. Cerberus may find my Anthro form perfectly acceptable, but would his primal fears come back if he saw the real me? Why was I even thinking about this? What did it matter if he saw my true form...the real me or not?

Deep down, I knew the answer to that. It mattered because somewhere deep inside me, I knew that there would be no one else for me. Cerberus was the one, my true soul mate. Even as the thought bubbled up though, I pushed it down; I was too young to be thinking that, I had plenty of time, and I had only just begun to explore what I was into sexually. And yet, Cerberus had pointed out more than a few handsome males in our time together and while I could certainly appreciate them on an artistic level, none of them had sent shudders through me like Cerberus could with just a touch. I forced it all back deep in my mind. It had only been a few months; we hadn't even had real sex yet! There was no way I was going to ask that of him, even if it was what I wanted and I wasn't sure of that, and I just... I just loved him so much that I would rather see him happy with some other male, than be miserable with me...

So, there it was, all laid out in front of me. That final commitment, ringing of truth; the sign in every bad romance I'd ever read, that what the characters were feeling was true love. I would gladly put Cerberus' happiness above my own. I must have sighed or something, because Cerberus rolled over and put his head on my shoulder.

"And what are you thinking about so deeply this early in the morning," he asked me.

I couldn't lie to him. "Us," I told him quietly. "Hey!" My exclamation was provoked by the feeling of a paw sliding down my stomach and under my shorts before taking a firm grasp of my crotch.

"Thinking about us and not getting aroused," Cerberus muttered. "Should I be flattered or worried?"

"Both, I guess," I replied honestly, over his giggling as his kneading touch was doing what my thoughts clearly could not do at that moment.

"I see," he said as his paw released me. "And what conclusion did you draw?"

"That I want you to be happy," I told him as I gripped his paw in mine. "No matter what happens with us."

"And what provoked this?" he asked seriously.

"I... I had a dream, it bothered me," I replied hesitantly, scared of revealing it to him.

"Jay Dee," he said as he snuggled closer. "We all have bad dreams. What was it that bothered you?"

"Dragon stuff," I told him. "I'm not trying to put you off; I just don't know exactly how to explain."

"I understand," Cerberus said quietly. "I'm sorry I can't help you."

"I was having a rather pleasant dream before I woke," he said into the silence that followed. "I dreamed I was flying: that a big dragon was letting me ride him in the moonlight, just like in the children's stories."

That made up my mind for me as Cerberus fell asleep on my chest. When we went up to my parents' house, I was going to show Cerbi my last secret. I owed him that.

We spent the next day packing. Cerberus worked on a couple of projects, and I wrote another chapter in the novella I was working on. We 'played' twice that day, which was a rarity for us, but not unheard of. Cerberus almost got me to climax with just his finger in my tail hole while I was sucking on him. That was the closest I'd come to that elusive 'hands free orgasm' since I learned what it was, and the fact that Cerberus claimed to have had several threatened to put me in a bad mood. I got my revenge though, by formally introducing him to a trick that I had learned in one of our play sessions some time ago.

I slept soundly that night, and had no dreams trouble me. After breakfast, we began the four hour drive to my parents' house. We spent most of the drive chatting. My parents had retired about the time I had moved out, and now lived up in the hills just outside of a small lake town. The town was about an even dragon/fur mix, and had a small winery on the lake. That was what had drawn my parents here, aside from the quiet, and Cerberus wondered if the winery would be open this time of year. We made plans to stop and find out. He asked what the sleeping arrangements would be, and I told him that as my Mom had back problems we would have the second floor of the house to ourselves. After that discussion, Cerberus fell asleep, and I put on a CD of lectures about the Roman Emperors that I had brought for the trip.

I called my parents when we stopped for lunch. Dad (as he always seemed to do) warned me that it had snowed last night and to be careful, even when I pointed out that he had moved to an area that was used to dealing with snow. Mom wanted to talk to Cerberus for a few minutes, and from the way he wandered out of ear shot I guessed it was something that I wasn't supposed to know about for a week.

My parents' house was not a large one, as befitted a pair of retired dragons, and while it was easy to get to, it was also somewhat isolated. Many dragons kept their homes a little bit away from others, so that there would be no issues if they decided to take a flight see what the wind and clouds were up to. That was something that I hadn't done in far too long...

We pulled up to the house right at dusk. My Dad met us out front- he's a somewhat heavyset red dragon, although a much lighter shade than me. He shook paws with Cerberus and held the door open while we bought in the couple of bags we had packed in. My Mom, a purple dragon with gold flecks on her scales, met us in the front room and hugged us both. They cornered Cerberus in the living room, while I took our things up to the second floor. That floor was laid out entirely for guests, and unless they were expecting company my parents rarely came up there. The floor had two bedrooms and a bathroom in addition to a small TV room. I went into the larger bedroom, which had been upgraded since my last visit to a queen sized mattress. I tossed the bags on the bed, visited the bathroom, and then hurried back downstairs to make sure Mom and Dad hadn't hurt Cerbi too badly.

They didn't seem to have, as Cerberus was talking about his job when I reappeared. I settled down on the couch next to him and was glad to see no reaction from my parents when I put my arm around him. The conversation wondered over a number of topics from the weather, to how school had been, to what we were reading now. Eventually, we decided to have dinner and ordered pizza which Cerberus and I drove into town to get. My parents retired soon after dinner, leaving me and Cerberus alone. Interestingly, they did not make any injunctions against any sort of funny business. I guess they had been serious about us being old enough to not have to have the sex talk. Not that they needed to, Cerberus may have had some sleep on the trip, but I was feeling pretty tired. We went to bed without a shower, and held each other the whole night through. In the morning, we shared a shower: large showers are a fixture in any dragon home so we can properly stretch and wash our wings, but if you have someone who is willing to wash your wings while they are folded, there is more than enough room for two people. Cerberus and I took full advantage of this fact whenever we could, although we rarely played in the shower; we just enjoyed washing each other.

The winery was indeed open for tastings and sales, and Mom had planned for us to go down to the winery that day, but first, we had to do what we came to do, and helped my father set up the Christmas tree. Decorating took most of the morning, and we arrived at the winery just about at lunch time, so our first stop was the small restaurant that was attached to the place. After that, we headed over for a tasting. Mom was looking for some wine to take up to her sister for Christmas, Dad (who collected glassware) was looking for interesting bottles, and Cerberus and I just wanted to have a little fun. 'Fun' for us meant having a quiet snicker at the uptight, high and mighty attitude that some people displayed towards wine. Fortunately, there was a younger rather down to earth weasel working the tasting room that day. He was very knowledgeable, but didn't mind sharing in our idea of 'fun' either. Cerberus shared my preference for the sweeter wines, and we found a couple that we liked. Dad insisted on buying us a couple of bottles, as they were buying some as well and the winery offered a discount on six bottle purchases. We didn't complain too loudly.

We went out to dinner that night, and got back at nightfall. This was the longest night of the year, and if I had my way it was going to be special. The full moon was just beginning to rise as we returned home. My Dad and Cerberus hurried ahead, as Cerberus had to visit the little doggie's room, while I helped my Mom up the driveway.

"Are you guys going right to bed?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said. "Why do you ask?"

"I think I'm going to take Cerberus out tonight," I told her.

"Into town? I think most things will be closed..."

"No," I said. "But if you guys are going to bed, then I'll make sure Cerberus takes keys." "Cerberus takes keys?" she inquired. Then, suddenly, she understood. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Mom, how long did it take you to realize that Dad was the one for you?" I asked. "Did you know this soon?"

"Yes," she replied after a moment of reflection. "I know why you want to do this, but just remember that he may get scared."

"I know, I'm really worried about that," I sighed. "But if he really is the one for me, I need to show him who I really am."

"Yes, I know," she said as she wrapped her arms around me. "And I know that secretly you feel silly about feeling like you need to do this. Explain it to him; if he really is the one, he will understand. And don't rush things. Remember, 'No' now doesn't mean 'No' always."

"I won't," I replied, as we resumed walking into the house, but I remembered the dream that Cerberus had shared with me. If we made it that far, I doubted he would say no.

We finally reached the house to see Cerberus standing in the front hall. When we entered, his tail began wagging happily. I had told him that I wanted to go out with him that evening, and he was looking forward to it. I hadn't told him what I planned to do, but he didn't seem to care.

"You boys have fun," Mom said as she hugged Cerberus. "You have the house keys, right Cerberus?"

"Yup," Cerberus confirmed puzzlement evident in his voice.

"Good, I want you to wear a nice thick jacket, okay? It's going to be cold out there in the snow."

Cerberus looked even more puzzled as she wished us both good night and headed down the hall to her room. He turned to me with a question on his muzzle.

"We aren't going into town?" he asked.

"I wasn't planning to," I told him. "I have something I want to show you, and this will probably be the only chance for a long time that I have to do so."

"Okay," he said quietly. "Where are we going?"

"Back in the woods there's a big clearing not that far from here. That's where we're going."

He frowned at me, and raised an eyebrow in confusion. "You know, they never said we can't do that here. Much as I'd like to try that some time, it is way too cold for that sort of thing out there right now."

"I wasn't planning to do that," I repeated as I stepped up and took his paws. "Look, I know I'm being vague and I'm sorry for that- I just don't know how to explain to a non-dragon. Please Cerbi; this is important to me..."

He looked up at me, compassion and confusion equally evident in those blue eyes of his. He dropped my claws and pulled his heavy coat off the rack in the hall. He shook his head as he slipped the house keys into his pocket.

"Alright," he said. "You know I can't say no to you anyway..."

The woods were almost pitch black as we ran through them, a fact that didn't bother me in the least: until Cerberus hit his head on a branch and fell on his tail. I spun around as soon as I heard the 'thunk' and almost caught Cerberus before he sat down.

"Are you alright?" I asked worriedly, as I pulled him out of the snow.

"I think so," he said as he grabbed the right side of his head. His ears were folded down in embarrassment. "I just didn't see it."

"You didn't? Oh, Cerbi- I'm sorry! I forgot that you can't see real well in the dark. Let me see."

"You mean you can?" Cerberus asked as he pulled his hand away to allow me to inspect his head. He looked up at me, and from the way his eyes went wide, he must have noticed my eye-shine for the first time.

"Yeah," I replied. "Dragons can see in absolute darkness- you know, 'ultimate predator' and all that. You look alright though, just a bruise. Guess I'll have to hold your paw so that no more trees attack you."

He giggled at that, and didn't resist as I pulled him along through the trees. But now I was much more careful about low hanging branches as we continued on our way to the clearing. We reached it a few minutes later, and I drew Cerberus into a hug in the centre of it and held him tight for as long as he let me. As I had remembered, the clearing was plenty big enough for what I had in mind. Cerberus broke our embrace first. The moon was just clearing the trees and with the snow on the ground, it was as bright as day now.

"Alright," he said as he planted his paws on his hips. "Now what did you bring me out here to show me?"

"Me," I replied as I stripped off my coat. My shirt followed suit.

"Jay Dee," he sighed. "I told you I don't want to do that out here. Now put your shirt back on- I've already seen you."

"No," I said as I began undoing my belt. "You haven't seen me, not the real me."

"What do you mean?" he asked as I stepped out of my pants and my boxers. He was right about the cold, but it helped me focus.

"This," I replied gesturing to take in my entire body. "This isn't me Cerberus. This is a lie, a mask, a final concession to the fact that this is a fur world and we dragons just have to live in it. This isn't what I really look like."

"Jay Dee, there's nothing wrong with yo..."

"No! You're not listening!" I interrupted. "Look, Cerberus- I know you don't understand, and that at the end of the day you probably don't care, but I love you too much to keep on lying to you."

"How are you lying to me?" he asked, puzzled at my anger. "I didn't fall in love with what you looked like Jay Dee, I fell in love with the person you are. And before you go off the deep end, that doesn't mean you aren't handsome- you are. I'm just saying that that's not the most important thing to me."

"Cerberus," I pleaded, feeling that same pain of the unknown in my chest, a feeling I hadn't had since he stripped in front of me all those months ago. My eyes began to burn with tears. Why was I getting so emotional about this? But I knew the answer to that; I was coming out again, and because of who I was coming out to, this was just as painful as that first time. "Please listen: it may not matter to you, or to any other fur, but it's important to me. You've made me so happy these last months, and I've been holding back on you- you haven't seen the real me."

"Is this what your dream was about Jay?" he asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Yes," I said, though I meant to say 'What?' He heard the question in my voice.

"You were talking in your sleep Jay Dee," he said calmly. "That was what woke me up. You kept repeating 'Not the real me' over and over. You woke up just before I was going to wake you myself."

He walked forward and threw his arms around me. I returned his embrace, putting my snout in between his ears and breathing through his fur. Once again, he let go first.

"So what happens now?" he asked as he backed away.

"Well, I'm going to get down on all fours and change into a quadruped the size of a small jet," I told him honestly. "And then, if you like, you can live out the dream I so rudely woke you up from."

"Really?" he asked enthusiastically, his tail wagging excitedly. "I mean, you can really fly like that?"

"Anything for my doggie," I replied as I dropped down to all fours. I had recovered enough of my emotional balance, to regain my sense of humour. "And what did you think the wings were for anyway?"

He didn't answer as I had begun my transformation. I don't know exactly what evolutionary process has allowed dragons the ability to shape-shift, but we are the only species that can do it. Of course, we're the only species that can breathe fire, ice, or sonic waves out of our mouths too. As for the transformation itself; it's not pleasant, but it's not painful either. It feels like your entire body is being stretched all at once, and I personally get a touch of dizziness as my center of mass changes; the hips are the worst as they can grind a little as they change from biped hips to quadruped hips, but then, as soon as it begins it's over and you open your eyes to find yourself twenty-five feet from the tip of your snout to the tip of your tail and your head is about ten feet off the ground.

I had forgotten just how good this could feel. I stretched my forelimbs and hind legs as far as they would go, and gave my wings the same treatment until I felt them touch the trees around the clearing. Then, I sat up, wrapped my tail around my legs, folded my wings, and looked down at my doggie. He was staring up at me, his eyes so wide I thought they might pop out of his head, his muzzle agape in awe. All of a sudden, I felt more vulnerable and embarrassed then I ever had in my Anthro form. I slowly brought my head down to where I was eye level with him. Our eyes met, but I couldn't say anything, afraid of what might happen if I spoke.

"I could fit inside your mouth!" Cerberus finally exclaimed. I couldn't help but laugh at that, and after a moment Cerberus wrapped his arms around my snout.

"This is the real me Cerberus," I rumbled after he let me go. "This is who I really am. I've never shown this to anyone outside my family before."

"Thank you Jay Dee," he said. "Thank you for trusting me."

He walked around me then, and I stood up so he could walk underneath me.

"Where's your plumbing?" he asked from under my rear legs. "I don't see it any... Oh wait, there's your sac- but I can find your shaft."

"That's a strange observation coming from you," I chuckled as I flopped down on my side. "All of a sudden I'm not allowed to have a sheath?"

"Well, you didn't have one before." I felt him climb up on my thigh, and that touch was enough to show him what he wanted. The touch of cold air on my tip was painful, but at the same time exhilarating. I felt paws on my sheath, and more of my shaft began emerging.

"Hey!" I called. "I thought you said it was too cold for that!"

"It's too cold for me," he said, as he began to stroke my shaft. "I thought you wanted to show me who you really are? Well, I wanna see everything you've got."

He went at it for several minutes, but it was a losing battle- I just couldn't handle the cold for him. As fast as he brought me out, I was sliding back in. I apologized for that more that I think I've ever apologized for anything in my life. When he finally gave up, I promised him that we would come back in the summer and try it again. He hopped off of me, and got in front of my head where I could see him well while I flipped back over on my stomach. I kept my snout flat against the ground so that Cerberus could climb on my neck and onto my shoulders. With him in place, I slowly stood up until I was on my claw tips to let him adjust to the height. He was laughing again, a happy sound that made everything right with my world.

"Ready?" I asked as I crouched down, feeling my leg muscles tense with anticipation. My tail was thrashing with excitement; it had been years since I'd flown. "You're going to have to hold on tight until we get some altitude, 'cuz we're gonna be going straight up."

He didn't respond in words, but I felt him press down into my neck and felt his paws digging into my scales. I hesitated for just a moment to make sure he was ready, and then sprang into the air, as high as I could. I unfurled my wings at the apex of my jump, letting them gather air before pushing it all down with a downbeat that sent me even higher into the starry night air. I was quite pleased with my effort, as I had been afraid that I wouldn't clear the tree tops, but it seemed that some instincts you just don't lose. I hovered over the clearing for a moment and told Cerberus that he could open his eyes again; I could feel his muzzle pressed into my scales, and then it was gone as he looked around.

"We're flying!" he shouted over the flapping of my wings.

"Not yet," I chuckled. "But I'll fix that!"

And with that, I clawed for more altitude, then, went into a shallow dive to build up some speed and we went sailing across the night sky. I stayed fairly low, telling Cerberus to give me a squeeze if he started having trouble breathing, and just enjoyed the moment. I kept my acrobatics to a minimum, nothing more than lazy spirals on thermals, keenly aware of the dog on my back. Mostly, I just enjoyed the feeling of flying again; the freedom to go anywhere and do anything. It was a feeling that reminded me that I was indeed special, and it was made even more special by the fact that I had someone to share it with. Somewhere along the way, I became aware of just how excited Cerberus was: he was singing 'Learn to Fly' by the Foo Fighters, not terribly original but a good effort on his part. Eventually, I winged my way back to my parents' house and landed in the back yard. Cerberus hopped down and I changed back into my Anthro form. As soon as I was done, Cerberus threw himself around me. We stood there for a long time holding each other tightly enough that I barely felt the cold on my naked scales.

"Thank you Jay Dee," he whispered into my chest. "That was wonderful."

I couldn't think of anything meaningful to say, so I just leaned down and our muzzles met for a long kiss as the moon began to sink.

(Really big thanks to Ruth of Pern on this one, he did the edit while seriously ill)