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Interlude. By Cerberus

Well, well. Probably not expecting to hear from the dog now were you? I've seen some of the forum trolls that like to portray me as my dragon's favorite sex toy, that I'm just a stay at home bitch with a penis, while Jay Dee's out doing all the work. Ha! Those make me laugh: Who do think did the illustrations for his last three stories? I may not be as good a writer as he is, but he'll be the first to tell you that his artistic ability is pretty much limited to stick figures.

See, Jay Dee goes to bed about ten thirty or eleven every night, but I like to work later into the evening; sometimes as late as two or three in the morning. I've always been that way, so while Jay Dee is always up around eight or so, I sleep in 'til nine or nine thirty. Tonight (about six months after the events he's describing), it's about midnight and Jay Dee has just gone to bed. He's left his computer on so I can listen to music while I work, but my project for the evening holds no real interest for me so I end up surfing the web for a while. Then, I decided to see what he was working on and found this file. Jay Dee doesn't mind if I read his things, but as I scrolled through this and remember all the good times we had I felt inspired to add my own little segment right here. It's my story too, after all. I like this format he's using here, breaking a large story into little segments, each with that theme of 'coming out' in them, and a good sex scene. I wonder where he got the idea from. He always says his best ideas come to him when he's thinking about something else...

But let's get this story back on track.

I woke up at four thirty the next morning (Yeah after what I said above that's unusual). I knew that it was that unholy time, because that's what the strange alarm clock said. I quickly recalled that we were at Jay Dee's parents' house. I must have gone to bed well before midnight the night before, because I never wake up before Jay Dee when I'm on my normal sleep schedule. I looked over to see him snoring quietly next to me in the bed, and the memories of last night flooded back to me... or was it just a dream? I lay there considering that possibility for several minutes, and then remember a detail that I can quickly check to find out. I lifted up the covers and looked down at Jay Dee; he was nude. My tail started twitching uncontrollably. It was real! I had been riding around on the back of my dragon all night! I had been flying!

It was all I could do not to pounce on him right then and there, but another thought entered my head. It was after five, and Jay Dee had said that his parents were early risers. Perhaps they were up by now. They had said that the package I had been expecting had come and I realized that this might be the only time I would get to finish Jay Dee's present. I quickly and quietly slipped out of the bed, and managed to find the pair of lounge pants I had draped over the room's dresser. I pulled them on, then decided that modesty demanded that I wear shirt as well.

Unfortunately, the first bag I found was Jay Dee's, but I had worn his shirts before: they were about a size too big for me, but it was the wing slits that bothered me the most as they could get a little bit drafty. The first shirt I pulled out was his black one with the large colour print of a phoenix on it, one of his favourites, and so appropriate for him, as his symbol.

The phoenix is a mythological bird that throws itself into a fire and emerges from the flames with its youth restored. In art, it has become a symbol of resurrection, of hope, of renewal, of perseverance. Sometimes, when I look at Jay Dee I see him as a phoenix- rising from the ashes of his shattered past to become something great, and pulling me along with him. I've had my own fires in my past, but I wasn't strong enough to pull myself out of them- until I met Jay Dee.

I pulled the shirt on, found my art bag, and quietly slipped out the door. I stopped, using the bathroom before heading downstairs though. Jay Dee's mother was sitting at her sewing table and smiled up at me as I padded down the stairs.

"Up so early?" she asked. "Jay said you were a late riser, and I thought you would be especially after last night."

"Well," I replied hesitantly. "We must have gone to bed early, because I'm wide awake." What did she think we were doing out there last night?

"Did you enjoy last night?" she asked. "Jay was getting himself all worked up about it, but I saw his shadow through the window before I fell asleep, so I guess it went well."

Oh good, so he had told her, and not gone off half-cocked like I thought he had. I felt a broad grin spreading across my muzzle. "Yes, I did. I can still hardly believe it was real."

"That's a nice shirt," she chuckled as I stepped off the last step to the floor.

"It was the first one I could find," I told her with my own chuckle. I did a little spin to show it off. "I like it though, even if it is a little bit drafty..."

She laughed hardily at that, and I joined in. Jay's father came in with a cup of coffee, and I asked about the package for me. He nodded, and went to retrieve it. I set my bag down on the table and pulled out my notebook. I flipped through the pages of rough sketches, half-finished illustrations, concepts, and jottings until I found what I was looking for. Jay's Mom was watching me as I pulled out the self-portrait I had been working on for weeks, and the small circular version that I really needed. I was just showing them to her when Jay's Dad returned with the box. It was a small box, but it meant the world to me as I ran a claw over the tape to cut it. Inside was a blue velvet covered box. I smiled as I pulled it out, both the older dragons watching me.

Inside was a pendant locket, the chain short and masculine despite the glimmer of gold. When worn, the locket would hang just under the collar of any shirt so no one would have to know what it was. On the locket its self was a raised image of a phoenix, the symbol of my dragon. The whole thing was gold plated, and sparkled quite nicely in the light. I chuckled as I pulled it out of the box; my old buddy Rex had really out done himself, and had cut me quite a deal on this. I could feel my tail wagging excitedly as I opened the locket. In the front, there was a glass face left open for me to slide the smaller version of the portrait into and on the opposite face there was a simple inscription: 'So you never have to face it alone, Cerbi.' It was perfect.

"It's beautiful Cerberus," Jay's Mom said when I gave it to her to inspect. "I hope you didn't spend too much on it."

"No," I replied as I showed it to Jay's Dad. "One of my old friends from high school became a jeweler, and he got me a great deal on it."

Her eyes narrowed a little bit when I mentioned 'high school friends,' not that I blame her. This wasn't just a coming out for Jay Dee, I was coming out to a whole new set of people too, but the difference was; this wasn't my first time. Where Jay Dee was having a new experience, I had done it all before...I knew what to expect and how to read people. And I didn't have any problem telling the female who was trying to find out if I was really the best thing for her son that I had made a lot of mistakes along the way. I'd told her as much when we first arrived.

I'd realized that I was gay at fifteen, pretty much as soon as I figured out how my parts worked. In high school, I was for a while, that stereotype that a lot of people have of gay guys; that all we want to do is have as much sex as possible. Yeah, I was like that for a while- I mean it's not like I could get anyone pregnant, or get pregnant myself so why not enjoy it? It was fun, until I learned the hard way that not everyone was worried about both parties enjoying themselves. I came out to my parents because I didn't have a choice; I got caught in the locker room with the varsity starting middle line-backer in my muzzle and the star quarterback under my tail- neither of them gay, they just wanted to 'experiment.' And like an idiot, I obliged.

I was home schooled for two months after that, while my parents sent me to a gay teen support group; I always thought it was odd that my parents were mad at me for being gay, but they sent me to hang out with gay people anyway. It wasn't until much later that I understood that they were mad that I was basing my life on a stereotype, and that if I kept it up sooner or later I was going to get hurt. And get hurt I did, as I returned to school a changed husky- looking for a relationship, not just trying to get off as much as possible. Of course, not everyone understood that and there are always straight guys that want to 'experiment.'

The two months I was away did little to dull the tales of my exploits, and upon my return it seemed I was expected to pick up right where I left off. When my parents died, two football players had been expelled for trying to rape me, and I was in the middle of transferring to another school for what was left of my junior year. I had a steady line of boyfriends after that, some of whom I actually liked, but they never worked out. The last one, I stupidly fell in love with- so much so that I agreed to be his roommate in college (I had to work for a while to save up money for college). But 'gay' for him was just a phase, and he got tired of me and went back to females. It was my darkest hour, and it landed me in therapy just to get away from him; and then, I met my red and grey scaled phoenix, and I never looked back. Jay Dee had never asked about any of this, but I would have told him if he had... His mother had asked, and so I had told her.

"I thought gold would look better with his scales," I explained to Jay Dee's Mom as I put the locket back into the box. After it was secure, I handed the box over to Jay's Dad, as he had volunteered to wrap it for me.

"I would have to agree," she replied. "I know he will love it Cerberus."

"I hope so," I said with a yawn. All of a sudden, I was tired again. "I think I'm going to go back to bed for a little while."

She nodded at that, and I headed back upstairs. I quietly opened the door to our room. Jay Dee was still asleep. I padded silently into the room, dropped the shirt I was wearing back on Jay Dee's bag, slid off my pants, and climbed into bed. Almost immediately, I began to doze off but didn't quite fall asleep. Sometime later, I felt the bed move as Jay began to stir. He was sitting up, but trying to be quiet. I felt him lean over to see if I was awake and since he was holding his breath, I kept my eyes closed. Then he quietly slid out of the bed and I heard him pad over to his bag. The next thing I heard was a quiet sniffing sound- Jay Dee had picked up the shirt I had been wearing. I opened my bottom eye, and saw his silhouette looking back at me. He pulled the shirt on and padded silently to the door, but he stopped to pick up his computer, then he quietly opened the door and headed out. I smiled contentedly to myself. He must have had the same idea I had. I wondered what he had gotten me. I managed to fall asleep and dream about what presents my dragon was showing his parents.

The rest of the day passed quickly for me, since we spent most of the time chatting with Jay's parents and helping them wrap presents for the rest of his family; but while a good time was had by all, I was feeling just a little bit down about having told Jay's Mom about my past and not him; especially after what he had done for me last night. He must have noticed my mood, because he kept trying to cheer me up and was a little bit more cuddly than usual. Finally, as we sat down for lunch, I asked if it would be okay if Jay Dee and I went out for dinner by ourselves. There were no objections.

We ended up going to a chain bar and grill that seemed to be in every town, and got a booth along the back wall. We'd just order our drinks and appetizer when Jay Dee asked me what was bothering me. So I explained to him, in even more painful detail then I had with his mother, about my past, pausing only when the waiter deposited our drinks and the appetizer: a tray of onion rings. Jay didn't say anything throughout the entire time I rambled, he just drank a little of his beer and munched on some of the onion rings... I think that was how I managed to make it through without crying. When he was sure I was finished, he pushed the tray over to my side of the table and leaned back against the booth.

"Why are you telling me this?" he asked flatly. His real question 'why now?' was implied by his tone.

What could I tell him? That I had told his mother about this before him? That I had felt bad for him going through the process of coming out all over again, so I wanted to expose my own secret too? For a long moment, I didn't know what to say, so I did what I had always done in the past; I looked deep into his eyes and tried to figure out what he wanted from me. In the past, this has been easy for me and I had gotten quite good at it... but not with Jay Dee. Or rather, when I looked into those yellow-green eyes of his and saw what he wanted from me, I had no idea how to respond, because what he wanted from me was nothing. I could have said anything, including 'I don't want to talk about it anymore' and he would have accepted that...but I decided to tell him the truth.

"Because," I whispered. "I wanted to be brave like you."

"How am I brave?" he asked, puzzled.

"Jay Dee, you're the bravest person I know. You told people. You didn't have to tell your parents. I would have been quite happy going to Christmas, as just your best friend...but you told them. You didn't have to write that story, but you did. You even told a complete stranger, just so you could get a gift for me! I never, ever told anyone...not even my parents... until there was no way I could deny it."

"Bullshit, Cerberus! You told me," Jay Dee said as he crossed his arms. "Remember?"

"I remember," I told him. Of course, that moment looks very different to me now after I viewed it through his eyes. "But that wasn't the same thing."

"I'm not brave Cerberus," he said quietly. "Every time it comes up, I get so scared that I think I'm going to lose my lunch all over the person I'm telling."

"But you still did it! Why?"

He was silent for a long moment after that. Then he reached across the table and took hold of my little plate of onion rings and my drink and slid them to his side of the table. Finally he slid down to the end of the bench he was sitting on.

"Get your tail over here," he said, his tone making it clear that it really was a request. I moved over to his side of the table and he dropped his arm over my shoulders. He hugged me against him, but I was looking around the restaurant.

"What if people start looking at us?"

"Fuck 'em!" he said with finality. "They're going to be in my life for what, maybe an hour or two at the most? Why should I pretend to not love my boyfriend so that their fragile little view of 'how world should be' can remain intact?"

The waiter dropped off our dinners then; steak for Jay, and chicken for me. He adjusted quickly to our new seating arrangement, asked if we needed anything else, then departed as quickly as he had come. Jay began attacking his dinner, but I couldn't eat right now with the shaking my world just took at his last statement. I thought I was the out one, and he was the closet one in this relationship; now suddenly the tables had turned. I suddenly remembered that when I was looking at colleagues, I was looking for schools that had gay and lesbian groups...thinking at the time I was going to be some sort of activist, but that had been beaten out of me by a succession of bad relationships. Then I met Jay Dee, and while the desire to put on the pink triangle hadn't come back, I had at least seen an opportunity to help one person through coming out. Apparently, I had succeeded.

"There was a time, not too long ago, when you wouldn't have said that," I told him as I began eating. "What changed?"

He hesitated at that, fork halfway to his snout. He took that bite and chewed it thoughtfully. "I might be new at this, but I read a lot Cerbi. Mom says I'm one of those rare people that can learn from other people's mistakes."

I knew what he was referring to. When I let him have it back, he'd been reading a series of historical gay romances, and a few set in modern times, on his Kindle. He likes the author, and reads all his stuff. I kept eating to keep from chuckling, and Jay Dee continued talking.

"It's not fair to you. You're already out, and if I try to hide it, what does that say about our relationship? Does it say that I don't value your love? I can't do that Cerberus. I'll put on a mask if I have to for my family, but I'll be damned if I'm going to live my life in the shadows for the benefit of some narrow minded bigots that I'll never meet. I love you too much for that. So I have to out myself to prove to me that I'm worthy of that love."

"And that's what makes you brave Jay Dee," I responded and we talked about other things for the rest of dinner.

By the time we got back to the house, I knew I needed to play with him. He had been a good dragon, and we hadn't made time for us in three days. And with everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, I just couldn't wait until we got home tomorrow.

"You know," I told him as he unlocked the door. "Your parents never did forbid any funny business. And we haven't had any fun in three whole days."

"We've gone three days before," he replied with a chuckle, but I could tell that he was in the mood too.

"True, but this is forced...that makes it much harder." I didn't realize what a horrible pun I had just made, but I didn't have to; Jay Dee caught it. And after I'd put my coat back on the rack, he swept me off my feet.

"And I know what'll make it even harder," he whispered as his snout touched mine. He was right of course, that was all it took and my tongue was lolling out of muzzle in anticipation. He carried me upstairs, stopped in the bathroom for some towels, and then gently deposited me on the bed.

"Now," he said seductively as he ran his claws through my chest fur. "What would my doggie like to do tonight?"

I couldn't help it this time. When he first started asking me that question, it had been all I could do to not cry, because for all the guys I'd been with, for all the times I'd thought I'd been in love, Jay Dee is the only male who has ever asked me that question. Tonight, with the ghosts of my past still very much lingering, I couldn't help but cry. And Jay Dee just held me until I was finished. When I was done, I threw my arms around his neck and told him what I wanted... because I could see in his eyes that he still wanted nothing from me...

I'm not going to tell you what we did for two reasons; first off, I can't write sex as good as Jay Dee can; and second, looking at his outline, he's going to tell how he met Devin next... and that story opens with a sex scene. Two sex scenes back to back would just be redundant. Devin! Now there's an issue that's complicated our lives in the past six months. Of course, I don't think that Jay Dee is going to explain why in this series of stories (since these are about him coming out to his family last Christmas), but the incident itself was a coming out of a sort, which why I think he's including it.

Right now though, the play was great, and we headed home after breakfast the next day. Jay Dee's parents were glad to see me, and formally invited me to Christmas with their family. I accepted, and we looked forward to seeing each other again. Jay Dee drove the whole way, and I caught up on my sleep some more. I told Jay how much I'd enjoyed meeting his parents, and he seemed to take it fairly well. I wondered if he thought any different about me after all I'd said, but if he did, he showed no sign of it. I think he was somewhat glad to be going home before he had to face his next set of challenges.

(This was the second of two Chapters that Ruth of Pern edited while ill... I am in his debt.)