A Hunting We Will Go!, Chapter 2
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A Hunting We Will Go!
Chapter 2
By William W. Kelso
Jenkins stirred as a loud voice came from the yard below, "Jenkins! Rise and shine! Time for breakfast! Get a move on! We're wasting valuable time!"
"Oh bugger all!" Jenkins muttered, and pulled the blankets over his head. Another five minutes, that's all he wanted.
"JENKINS!" Came an even louder voice.
"OH, ALL BLOODY RIGHT! I heard your first bellow!" Jenkins yelled as he kicked off the blankets and sat up. What time was it anyway? Too bloody early, that's what!
Blearily he started pulling his clothes on in the early morning dimness, then as he stood up realized he had his pants on backwards, and with an irate snarl started pulling them off, fell over, and yelled a rather rude obscenity. As he struggled with his most uncooperative pants again, he heard an amused snort from one of the stalls below, and a deep voice said,
"Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the hay this morning."
"Don't you start!" Jenkins groused, "I am NOT in a good mood!"
"Well, excu-uuuse me!" The voice responded.
"Besides, it's too damn early, anyway!" Jenkins snapped.
"Oh, no disagreement there," the voice said, "he's really starting to annoy me. No one should be that cheerful this early in the morning. It ain't natural."
Jenkins only reply was a noncommittal "hrrumphf!" as he finally got his pants on right the second try. But Bodkins knew what he meant.
As Jenkins clambered down the ladder from the loft the enchanted horse tried to ask him a couple of questions, but Jenkins only replies were snorts that sounded more equine then human.
"What's your problem?" The horse finally whickered.
"Had a bad night." Jenkins groused.
"Well, don't take it out on me," Bodkins said, "I had a lovely night, thank you very much."
"I know" Jenkins grumbled as he left the barn, 'that's one reason WHY I had a bad night!" He paused for a second as cold damp fog swirled around him, and it was so thick he could hardly see the farm house. Well, he thought, this looks promising. Then he jumped about five feet in the air; dropping his coat in a mud puddle, as a voice said in his ear,
"Well, it's about time! I thought I was going to have to set the barn on fire to get you up!"
"Jehoshaphat!" Jenkins yelped, "Don't DO that, Milord! You like to scared me half to death!"
"Sorry." Sir DeLancy said in a voice that sounded anything but that.
"Hmph!" Jenkins snorted, and headed for the house.
"Be careful, he's in a bad mood." Bodkins voice came through the open barn door.
"Yes, he usually is this early in the morning," Sir DeLancy replied, "the lazy oaf would lollygag about in bed until noon every day if I let him."
"Sounds like a good idea to me!" Bodkins snorted, he himself not being much of a morning horse.
Jenkins entered the farmhouse through the gaping hole that had once been the front door; the rather crudely removed door lying to one side. As he did a sleepy voice came from the direction of the bed,
"Ummm, is that you Lancelot?"
"Oh dear, excuse me!" Jenkins said as Megan sat up, a very naked Megan, the covers falling away from her more than ample breasts, and red in the face he politely turned around until she could get decent.
"Oh, it's you Jenkins," Megan said, "Don't be such a prude, we're all adults here you know. Where's Lancelot?"
"Um, he's still outside playing in the fog; or maybe he got lost," Jenkins replied, "And it's Sir DeLancy, not Lancelot."
"Ohh, I don't know about that," Megan murmured in a very satisfied sounding voice as she stretched; breasts jutting, "He sure used his Lance a Lot last night."
Jenkins could think of no response to that, but turned redder. Truth be told; that while he was indeed an adult, he had never partaken of the pleasures of the flesh, but not for lack of trying. He was just totally inept at romancing the females of the species. In short, he was a virgin, and painfully aware of it. He'd never admit to it in a thousand years of horrible tortures though. But get him drunk, and the whole sob story would come out while he cried on your shoulder. Which was one reason he didn't drink much; alcohol that is.
"Ah, there you are," Sir DeLancy said from the doorway, "get started on breakfast would you, Megan is, um, sleeping in this fine morning."
"What's so fine about it?" Jenkins said, "It's foggy, its cold, and it's too damn early!" He got even madder when Sir DeLancy just chuckled, and said,
"Don't worry about the animals; I already took care of them. Suzie and Brunhilda seemed downright frisky this morning."
"That's because Bodkins took care of them last night, BOTH of them! Twice each! Like to have never gotten any sleep!"
"Jenkins," Sir DeLancy said as his Squire started going through Megan's larder looking for something for breakfast, "Whatever are you on about?"
"Oh-ho! Wouldn't you like to know?!" Jenkins muttered.
"Well, actually I would." Sir DeLancy asked.
"Well, why don't you ask him?!" Jenkins snapped, "Bodkins, I mean, I'm sure he'd be glad to fill you in on the details! Enchanted horse my ass!"
As his Squire kept puttering around making breakfast Sir DeLancy decided to give it a rest for now, his servant could be downright weird sometimes. "Well then, be that way." He finally said, "While you're fixing breakfast I'll start fixing the door, we can't leave Megan here without a front door, she'd be helpless."
"Oh, yeah, right." Jenkins muttered, he'd seen how 'helpless' she was; frankly he pitied any Trolls or Orcs that might show up. Hearing a sudden flurry of wings he ducked, but then straightened up as Pip landed on his shoulder. For some reason; despite their rather rude introduction, the little fairy Dragon had taken a liking to him, and hissing softy she nibbled his ear, and his mood improved dramatically, he just couldn't help it. There was just something about having the little beast around that made you cheer up. He had to admit it was a pretty little creature, and its hisses got even louder as he gave it little bits of jerked meat to chew on.
"Here, let me help you with that." Megan said.
Jenkins had been so busy with fixing breakfast he hadn't heard her approaching, and was glad to see she had put on a robe of some kind. If she'd still been naked he'd probably have freaked out. As she moved to stand next to the table and help him get the fixings ready he couldn't help but steal a glance or two at her. Without her 'crazy old witch' wig and act she was a very pretty woman.
"She really likes you, you know." Megan said, "Pip, I mean. She seldom takes to a stranger so quickly. You must impress her."
"She's a sweet little thing." Jenkins replied as she slipped the little reptile another bit of meat, the miniature Dragon hissing in delight as she snapped the treat out of his hand.
"Hmph, you don't know her as well as I do!" Megan chuckled, "She can be a pretty devious little beast at times. She likes jewelry and bright shiny things, and I have to climb up to her nest in the rafters and retrieve most of my jewelry at least once a month. And sometimes I find other pieces of jewelry I've never seen before; or a gold or silver coin or two, where she gets them I have no idea."
Jenkins laughed; he'd like to see that! And to his surprise the small Dragon made a series of soft chirping noises that sounded suspiciously like laugher of her own. Just how smart is she, he wondered?
"See, she does like you." Megan said, "She likes Lancel..., I mean Sir DeLancy, as well. She's a good judge of character; she can tell if someone means harm. Otherwise she would have put up more of a fight last night. Despite her size she IS a Dragon, and you'd be surprised just how vicious she can be. It's one reason I let you both stay."
Jenkins eyed the little dragoness sideways, its little reptilian jewel like eyes twinkling at him; wisps of smoke curling from its nostrils, and somehow he knew Megan was telling the truth; and that he'd gotten off lightly the night before. As if to reassure him Pip gave his ear a quick lick, and peeped. He could help it, and smiling back he was rewarded with another friendly chirp, her tail curling affectionately around his neck.
"She is beautiful." Jenkins said.
"Careful," Megan laughed, "the little flirt loves flattery!" Pip agreed, bobbing her head and hissing happily.
Breakfast was a big success, though Jenkins had no idea what kind of eggs he'd just scrambled up; he'd never seen anything quite like them. But with a bit of leftover grease from the night before, some salt and seasoning, they were excellent. Topped off with slabs of crisp bacon and slightly hard biscuits fried in the grease, everybody was soon well fed and in a good mood. Or a better mood anyway, Jenkins still being a bit put-off by the previous nights activities by a certain Knight and the livestock.
As they were cleaning up the leftovers; Pip disposing of any bits of bacon that had missed being devoured by the three humans, Megan suddenly noticed something, and said,
"Jenkins, take off your pants."
"Huh, do WHAT?" Jenkins stuttered in surprise.
"Take off your pants," Megan repeated, "you've got a hole burnt in them. Take them off and I'll mend them for you, you can't run about with your arse hanging out."
"B-But, they're the only pair I've got!" Jenkins said, panicking a little.
"All the better reason to repair them," Megan said, "some places would arrest you for indecent exposure if you run around like that. And since its Pip's fault, it's only fair I mend them for you."
"Jenkins," Sir DeLancy said, "don't be such a big sissy, give the lady your pants for God's sake!"
"Hmph!" Jenkins snorted, "You're one to talk; she already knows what you're carrying around down there!"
"Jenkins!" Sir DeLancy said, "Don't be rude! You've got your shift on, so she won't see anything!"
"It's got a hole in it too!" Jenkins muttered, but dutifully removed his trousers; keeping his back turned, and handed them to Megan.
"Wait a tic," Megan said, "I seem to remember.... Ah, there it is! That old trunk in the corner is full of clothes that belonged to the family who used to live here. They moved out when the property values went down after the Dragon showed up, and something might fit you as they had some sons. Help yourself."
After rummaging about in the trunk Jenkins was quite pleased to find not one, but two pairs of fairly new pants that fit him quite nicely, a pair of slightly mismatched socks, and a shirt that would do after minor alterations. He also found a nice leather vest and matching cap. It would seem the former owner; or his sons, had been as tall as he was, if slightly more portly. Quite pleased with himself he was soon sporting his new finery, much to the approval of Sir DeLancy and Megan. Even Pip seemed to like it, bobbing her head and chirping.
"Well, Jenkins," Sir DeLancy said, "You look positively smashing."
"Oh yes," Megan agreed, "definitely an improvement, you're quite the gentleman now."
Jenkins turned red with embarrassment, but inside he was pleased. He'd needed new clothes badly, and now he had TWO pairs of nice pants! And the cap and vest were lovely.
The rest of the morning was spent repairing the front door, which needed a new jamb as the hinges had proven stronger then the wood. Between the two of them Jenkins and Sir DeLancy managed to actually improve the original jamb by making it even thicker and using extra nails they found in the barn to anchor it. It didn't creak anymore either. Megan was quite pleased with the improvements as she swung the door back and forth.
"That's some good work," Megan said, "you two should take up carpentry, it would be much safer then monster slaying."
"And probably more profitable." Jenkins added.
"Speaking of monsters," Sir DeLancy said, "it's about time set out in search of the Dragon, the big one that is."
"Look," Megan said, "I'd suggest you reconsider this quest of yours. The Dragon's name is Smismar, and it's been around for a very long time, and NO one has ever had any luck fighting it. So far as I know no one has ever even come back from fighting it, some really great hero's have tried, none have returned."
"I'm a Knight," Sir DeLancy said, "and if I turned my back and ran I wouldn't be much of one, now, would I?"
"Look you big lummox, at least you'd be alive!" Megan said, "I've grown quite fond of you; and Jenkins too, so I really wish you'd give up this insanity. We could make a go of it here; I'm tired of being lonely. Please don't go, stay here with me!"
"She does make sense, Milord." Jenkins said sincerely.
Sir DeLancy smiled, and said, "Don't write me off yet, I'm not that helpless you know. But if you want; Jenkins, you can stay here and keep an eye on things until I come back."
Jenkins only 'answer' was a rather loud snort, and he muttered something as he left to saddle the animals.
"I didn't quite catch that." Sir DeLancy said.
"He said, 'I've never been so insulted in my life.'" Megan said quietly.
"Did he now?" Sir DeLancy said. "Well, if he's anything, he's loyal."
"And brave." Megan said.
"Oh, aye, of that I've never had any doubt; and it wouldn't do to underestimate him." Sir DeLancy said, "But I had to give him the chance."
"You know," Megan said, "maybe you do have a chance. How did the two of you end up together, anyway? I mean, I've met other Knights and nobles, and they and their Squire's and other servants usually aren't quite so, um, chummy."
"Jenkins?" Sir DeLancy said, "Frankly I've never really thought much about it, he's been following me around as long as I can remember. We grew up together, used to get in trouble together; though usually it was my fault. His family have served mine for generations, and he was a house boy first, then my Page, so it seemed only natural I'd pick him as my Squire. He's much more than just my Squire though, you know."
"Yes, that was pretty obvious from the start." Megan replied.
"Frankly," Sir DeLancy said, "I don't know what I'd do without him."
It was still foggy when Jenkins returned to the house, the horses and mule packed and ready to travel, Bodkins moaning about the weather as usual. Sir DeLancy had put some finishing touches on the new door, and as he was getting ready to mount Bodkins Megan grabbed his arm, and to his surprise gave him quite a nice kiss, which he returned after a second's hesitation, and it got even nicer.
"If you come back this way, look me up." She said a little breathlessly.
"Oh, aye, I promise." Sir DeLancy said, "But next time I hope we won't have to make such a rude entry."
"Sorry about the door." Bodkins said, "They made me do it."
"Did not, you volunteered!" Jenkins said, making everyone chuckle a little, Bodkins whinnying in amusement.
As they rode into the fog Megan waved until they were out of sight; Pip sitting on her shoulder watching, then went in the house and secured the door. No telling what else might be out in the fog. Not all her 'visitors' were Knights.
__________
"You know," Jenkins said, "I'm going to miss her, and her little pet Dragon as well."
"Yes, I will too." Sir DeLancy agreed, "It was an enjoyable visit."
"Oh yeah, I'll just bet it was." Jenkins snorted.
"And just what does THAT mean?" Sir DeLancy asked.
"He's just jealous." Bodkins said.
"And what does THAT mean??" Sir DeLancy asked again.
"You BOTH know!" Jenkins snapped.
"I haven't the foggiest." Sir DeLancy replied, genuinely confused.
"OH, right, just ask Suzie and Brunhilda!" Jenkins groused.
"What the HELL are you talking about?" Sir DeLancy asked, exasperated.
"Like I said, he's jealous," Bodkins said, "We both got lucky last night, and he didn't."
"What the HELL are YOU talking about???" Sir DeLancy asked Bodkins.
"Well, we both got laid, and he didn't." The horse said, sounding smug.
"Told you." Jenkins said.
"You WHAT...?" Sir DeLancy said, giving a surprised yank on the reins.
"Ow, watch it, not so hard!" Bodkins snorted, chomping at the bit, "I mated with Suzie and Brunhilda last night, you mated with the human female, and he turned down the goat's invitation, so it's his own fault."
"You did WHAT!?" Sir DeLancy shouted, "and WHAT goat!?"
"I said," Bodkins repeated, "I mated with Brunhilda and Suzie last night, and I mean the goat that thought Jenkins was a hunk."
"How'd you know she thought I was a hunk?" Jenkins asked, puzzled.
"She told me, how do you think?" Bodkins replied.
"You can talk to goats too?" Sir DeLancy said in surprise.
"Well, of course," Bodkins said, "I can talk to most quadrupeds; goats are a bit air headed, but otherwise nice enough. She thought Jenkins would make a nice Billy goat."
"I don't whether to be insulted, or not." Jenkins muttered.
"Oh, it was definitely a compliment." Bodkins said, "Poor thing was lonely."
"Look Bodkins," Sir DeLancy said, "I'm not really sure I, um, approve. I mean, I didn't think horses did that kind of thing, not unless it was the, um, right time of the year."
"Hmph!" Bodkins snorted, "You mean have sex? Snort! Look, you didn't ask me for permission to mate with Megan, so I don't have to ask your permission to mate with a Jenny or mare! It's none of your business anyway! What do you want us to do, get married?? As for mating out of season, I just happen to know what the ladies like! If you don't like it, get another horse! I mean, I AM an animal, you know, what do you think I do for sexual relief, whack off?"
"Well," Sir DeLancy said, "If you put it that way; I just never thought about it much before, not that a horse has ever given me their point of view on the matter. And Jenkins, you stay away from goats, you'll catch something."
"I never touched her!" Jenkins snapped in indignation, "The goat, I mean. Not my type at all!"
"Yeah, he prefers sheep." Bodkins snorted.
"Do NOT!" Jenkins squealed in rage.
"Baa-aaaa!" Bodkins bleated.
"Bodkins, shut up." Sir DeLancy said, doing his best not to laugh.
As they rode along, the fog swirling eerily around them, Jenkins finally calmed down, and; curiosity getting the best of him, asked Bodkins,
"Er, what's it like? I mean, you know?" Jenkins asked.
"Snort! It's unbelievable, why do you think I like being a horse?" Bodkins replied, and Jenkins turned red in the face as he thought about it. He of course knew all about the size of a stallion's...um, equipment, so it stood to reason that mating would be quite... enjoyable.
"Well," Sir DeLancy said, "please keep your, er, amorous activities confined to Suzie and Brunhilda for now, I'm not sure how some local farmer would react if he found you humping his prize mare or plow mule."
"Oh, don't worry about that," Bodkins said, "They're pretty demanding, and pretty much wore me out. That Suzie, wow!" Causing Jenkins to turn red in the face again as Brunhilda gave a happy whicker, and Suzie brayed.
__________
They rode on in silence after that, all the sounds and sights muted by the thick wet fog which didn't seem inclined to thin out at all as the day progressed; and it put a damper on their mood, and if anything it was getting thicker. Finally, Jenkins said,
"I don't like this fog, Milord. It feels unnatural." Then when no reply came, he said in a louder voice, "Milord? Bodkins? Anybody!? Hellooo!"
Pulling on Brunhilda's reins to stop her, the mule bumping into her rump causing both to shy, they came to a halt. Jenkins yelled for awhile, but the fog seemed to reflect his shouts back into his face, and there was no reply. In fact there was no sound at all, save his heavy breathing and the breathing of the animals, their breath adding plumes of vapor to the swirling fog.
"Well, Hells Bells!" Jenkins finally said, Brunhilda snorting softly as if in agreement. It would appear he'd gotten separated from Sir DeLancy in the fog, or more likely, they'd gotten separated from him. The fog should have burned off by now, but was as thick as ever and showed no signs of thinning. And he couldn't even see the sun, so had no real idea as to what time it was, but it seemed to be getting darker. I; Jenkins thought, am going to find someplace safe to hole up until this stuff burns off. Wandering around in it would be the worst thing he could do, probably fall off a cliff or something. But from the looks of things, where was 'safe'? He couldn't see five feet! Giving Brunhilda's flanks a gentle kick they started moving again, but much slower now, and more cautiously. Damn fog! Finally he dismounted and led the animals.
__________
Meanwhile Sir DeLancy and Bodkins had also realized they were on their own, and despite loud yells and whinnies received no answer from the wayward Squire or his animals, the fog muffling their cries and remaining impenetrable.
"Well," Sir Delancy said, "This is a fine mess! Where could he have gotten to?"
Bodkins gave a snort of agreement, and said, "I suggest we hole up somewhere until we can search for them. I mean, in this fog it would be stupid to just keep wandering around blindly. I can't even smell anything except wet air. We could ride right past one another and never even know it."
"I wholeheartedly agree," Sir DeLancy said, "Let's find a good spot to wait until this blasted fog clears."
__________
Jenkins wandered for awhile; pausing to 'hallooo!' on occasion; with no response, as he looked for a suitable place to wait out the fog. There were plenty of trees; he kept walking into them, and he soon realized he'd lost the road, but most were scrubby and offered no real cover. Then after pushing through some sopping wet scrub brush; leaving him sopping wet as well, he suddenly found himself in a small clearing, and in the center was a large hut, and a dim yellow light shone in the only window. Well, he thought, finally, some luck!
Riding up to the hut he dismounted, and just as he was about to knock on the door it opened in his face, and startled, he jumped back, tripped, and sat down with a splash in a mud puddle.
As he looked up a vague figured loomed over him; a lantern with a small candle flickering inside in its hand, and a woman's voice said,
"Cor, thought I heard someone mucking about! And, what, pray tell, are you doing sitting in a mud puddle? You don't look like a frog."
"Well, I, um, tripped." Jenkins mumbled as he scrambled to his feet, muddy water dripping from his sodden clothes.
She made a 'tsk-tsk' sound, and said, "That won't do at all! You're soaking wet young man; you'll catch your death in this weather! Well, don't just look at me like a frog, I don't bite, come inside and get warmed up! I'll take care of your animals, put them in the lean-to, it's dry enough and there's some hay."
Jenkins didn't need a second offer; he was soaking wet and quite miserable. So he cautiously entered the hut while his unexpected host led the animals around the side of the hut and disappeared. The first thing he noticed; with great relief, was it was nice and warm in the hut, and he stood just inside the door, not wanting to drip water and mud all over the nice clean floor.
As huts went it was quite nice, clean and tidy. Instead of dirt the floor was wood, the hut itself being made from rounded river stones set in mortar. For a hut it was quite substantial, all things considered. He was still standing just inside the door when the woman returned.
"What!" She said in a scolding voice, "Still got those wet things on? Take them off before you come down with a fever, you silly boy!"
"I, um, where?" Jenkins asked, "I don't want to drip all over your floor."
"Ah, a polite young man, how nice!" The woman said, "Well, take them off and put them in that barrel for now, then I'll hang them next to fire to dry. Probably could use a good cleaning too, you're quite the sight."
Blast, Jenkins thought, his spare clothes were still in the saddle bags, and he didn't want to ask the woman to go back out to get them, not in that bloody fog. He didn't want to himself either, he was finally getting warm.
"Um", he said, "I don't have anything else to wear..."
"Oh, right!" The woman said, "Well, wait here, I have an old robe somewhere that should fit you. Be back in a tic."
Jenkins had of course been examining his benefactor, and was...impressed. She was older then he was, but it was hard to tell her exact age. She was quite pretty though, and easy on the eyes. Of that much he was sure. Her shapeless old dress wasn't exactly flattering, but he got the impression whatever was under it probably was. Finally she found what she was looking for, and walking back over to him handed him a large brown robe, and said,
"A passing monk left this here awhile back, and it looks to be about your size, though you're a bit taller than he was I'm thinking. Here, I'll turn my back while you're changing. I won't peek, I promise."
Gratefully Jenkins peeled off his sodden; and horribly uncomfortable, clothes and dropped them piece by piece into the provided barrel with wet 'squelching' sounds. He even took off his undergarments; they were as wet as the rest. Hurriedly he slipped the robe over his head, and it did fit well enough though it left his lower legs bare, but he didn't care about that part of himself. The important bits were well covered.
"All done." He said.
The woman turned back around, and said, "Not bad, you look better in it then that fat monk did."
"Why'd he leave his robe?" Jenkins asked; it was in perfect condition.
"Oh," the woman waved vaguely, "He didn't need it anymore, he found himself a new, er, profession, one he was more suited for."
"Well," Jenkins said, "I'm glad he's happy, and thank you for the robe, it fits fine."
"Good." The woman said, "Now you sit down next to the fire and thaw yourself out while I make us a snack. I've got some lovely rye bread and cheese that should do nicely."
Jenkins felt his mouth watering at the thought of something to eat, his stomach had been reminding him for some time it was well past dinnertime, and; come to think of it, he hadn't had any lunch either.
As the woman joined him at the fire she leaned over to hand him a plate with good sized chunks of bread and cheese, and as she bent over he got a good look down her dress and his assumptions were proven correct, she WAS quite nicely endowed as the view of her full firm breasts confirmed, and he shifted as he felt a stirring in his crotch. If she noticed his 'peek' she didn't give any indication of it.
"There," the woman said, "get some food in your belly. Now, tell me, who are you, and what's a nice young man like you doing out in the dark woods on a nasty foggy day & night like this? It's not safe, you know, all sorts of nasty beasties about."
"Oh, I'm sorry." Jenkins said, "My name is Jenkins, and my Master and I got lost looking for, um, the Dragon's lair. I'm his Squire."
"Ohhh," the woman said, "I wouldn't recommend that, it's a horrible creature! It lives in a great cavern farther back in the hills, and none who venture into its domain have ever returned! I hear tell it gobbles them right up, armor and all."
"So I've been told, more than once." Jenkins said drily, "But my Master; Sir DeLancy, is bound and determined to make a name for himself as a slayer of monsters, and being his Squire I have to go where he goes. It goes with the job."
"What a shame, such a nice young lad." The woman said sorrowfully.
"Um, who are you, and why are you living way out in the middle of nowhere, all alone like this?" Jenkins asked, "I mean, aren't you, um, scared? What with the Dragon so close by, and brigands and all?"
"My name is Gertrude," the woman said, "and I live alone because I didn't want to marry the man my father wanted me to. And as for the Dragon, well, it leaves me alone and I don't bother it. Guess I'm not worth eating, too scrawny. And as for brigands and other beasties, well, the Dragon has pretty much cleared them out. And the one's not smart enough to bugger off didn't last long as the Dragon likes its privacy."
"Well," Jenkins said, "I guess I can see how having one about might have some advantages."
Having finished his meal Jenkins handed the plate back to Gertrude; who refused his offer to help her clean up, and as she bent over to accept it he was rewarded with another lovely look down her dress. He felt another stir in his crotch, and thought, 'Oh, if only!' But, well, he knew he wasn't very attractive to the opposite sex, and he would certainly never force himself on someone. He did wish he wasn't so horribly shy though. He really liked her; and her breasts too. They were quite possibly the nicest he'd ever seen.
Gertrude had been quite delighted by the sudden appearance of the rather tall and skinny young man on her doorstep, but not terribly surprised. People tended to find their way to her place fairly often, all things considered. And she liked the company; it did get rather lonely living alone at times. So when her 'offers' were ignored, or more likely misinterpreted, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Usually flashing her rather nice breasts at a young man got the desired results fairly quickly. But she got the distinct impression this fine young fellow was...inexperienced. At least he was polite, it was kind of nice not to have him groping and drooling all over her by now. So when she came back from putting up the dishes she sat down next to him, and went to work.
Jenkins tried not to act uncomfortable when Gertrude sat down next to him and joined him in staring into the fire for a few minutes, but he couldn't help fidgeting a little bit. She was pressed right up next to him, and he could smell her; she smelled nice, and she was so...soft. But when she leaned over and nibbled on his ear he let out a squeak of surprise.
"You know," Gertrude said softly in his ear, "I get really lonely out here, what with living alone and all, and I'm afraid there's only one bed, and the floor is cold and hard. If you want to, um, share my bed I'd be grateful, it gets so cold at night, and I'm so lonely. It will be nice to have a big strong man to keep me...warm."
Well, Jenkins may have been in experienced, but he wasn't stupid, so he managed to croak out "Yes, please!" And when he turned to face her; and her arms slid around his neck, he knew what to do, and found out to his delight that kissing was every bit as enjoyable as he'd thought it would be, and was even more delighted to find out he had a genuine talent for it. And that thing she was doing with her tongue, oh, lovely!
Fact was Jenkins; though a virgin, had in fact been in the presence of nude women three times in his life. The only problem was; and it WAS a problem, was that while he had been short changed in some areas, he more than made up for it in another. In short, he was hung like a donkey. The first woman had passed out at the sight of his rigid throbbing manhood; and the second had run screaming from the room and never come back. This of course had made a rather negative impact on Jenkins self esteem, and he honestly thought there was something wrong with himself. The third; having heard rumors from the first two, had deliberately sought him out, and actually been delighted by his 'deformity', but unfortunately her husband and four brothers had shown up just as things were getting interesting, and as they were breaking down the door to her bedroom poor Jenkins had exited stage left through a second story window; fortunately landing in a wagon filled with hay, and being long legged; and quite motivated, had managed to outrun even the mounted pursuit. Since then he had pretty much reconciled himself to being celibate. That was, until now.
Gertrude's dress had the nice feature of her being able to slip the top down over her shoulders and arms without having to actually remove it, and Jenkins soon found himself occupied with; admiring and fondling, her large firm breasts with equally large aureoles and nipples. Nice rubbery ones; and he loved the feel of them as he ran his fingers over the swollen nubs, and from the sounds Gertrude was making he was doing something right. When he bent over and sucked on one she gave a deep moan of pleasure, and he KNEW he was doing something right. And he'd never been so hard in his life; at least not for quite some time. But then he remembered his 'condition', and felt his lust; though still intense, start to fade a little. What if she ran away screaming as well??
Gertrude, sensing the cooling of his 'enthusiasm', said a little throatily, "What's wrong dearie? You're doing just fine, don't be scared. Don't you like me?"
"It's not that, y-you're beautiful!" Jenkins said; quite honestly, "It's just that, well, I'm...not normal."
"Oh, cods wollops, you're not Gay, are you?" Gertrude asked; that would just be her luck, the only man to show up in weeks turning out to be a pansy.
"What? Oh good heavens, NO!" Jenkins replied earnestly.
"You don't have the pox, or something else nasty, do you? Oh no, don't tell me you've got crabs?!" Gertrude asked next, pulling back from him in sudden concern.
"Oh, NO, I swear!" Jenkins said, "I'm quite healthy, and vermin free, I assure you."
"Then what...?" Gertrude asked, genuinely confused.
"I'm...I'm not normal, down there." Jenkins admitted, hanging his head. Damn it, he'd been having such a wonderful time.
"Oh, OHHH!" Gertrude said, now she understood his reluctance. "Look," she said, "it's no shame if your manhood is small; it's not the size that counts, it's the knowing what to do with it that's most important."
"What...?" Jenkins stammered, "NO, it's not that! It's just, that, well....damn it!"
Had Jenkins been wearing his regular pants his 'condition' would have been rather obvious by now as there wasn't really any way to hide it, but in the loose robe he was wearing it had so far managed to remain hidden. So, deciding to reveal his 'deformity' and get it over with, he raised the hem of the robe up to his waist, his rampant cock springing forth in all its glory.
"Good God Almighty! HALLELUJAH!" Gertrude shrieked, and fell off the end of the bench, squealing.
"Oh, God DAMN IT!" Jenkins said, "NOT AGAIN! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that; maybe I'd better go!" Guess I can always find a friendly goat, he thought morosely. Then he gave a start as Gertrude grabbed his leg, and said,
"Oh no, you're not going ANYwhere, my fine young stud!" She said as she looked up at him, tongue licking over her lips.
"But my...my deformity!" Jenkins stuttered; and then he gasped as she hefted one of his large balls and gave the long/thick shaft of his penis a slow lick.
"Dearie," Gertrude cooed, "You have nothing to be ashamed of, and are the answer to my prayers!"
As it turned out Gertrude had a...fetish for well hung lovers; and not always two legged as she got REALLY lonely sometimes, and as far as she was concerned, the bigger the better. In fact a certain Werewolf had been a regular 'visitor' of hers until his mate and found out about it and put a stop to that nonsense. And to date she'd never seen a man hung anywhere near as well as Jenkins, and that also applied to some of her more...four legged lovers. She crooned in delight as she examined her most recent 'catch', and he seemed quite glad to let her continue her explorations. Good Lord, she thought, he IS deformed, but in a very nice way! She didn't have a ruler, but estimated his rigid shaft at ten inches or more, and his balls, well, he was equally well endowed in that department as well, and she wouldn't have been surprised if he had a mule or two in the family woodpile. She slid her lips over the pre slick head of his manhood; tongue busy, and smiled as Jenkins groaned in pleasure.
Good Lord, Jenkins thought, what is she DOING to me?! But he could only watch as her head bobbed over the tip of his engorged penis; licking and sucking, her hands gently fondling and squeezing his balls. G-God, that feels...good! Soon he felt a wonderful pressure began to build in his loins, and realized he was nearing orgasm. At last, he thought!
Not yet, Gertrude thought, and reluctantly let the huge organ slide from her mouth before he reached his release. Smiling, she stood up, and with one quick motion pushed on the waistband of her dress, and it slid to the floor leaving her nude, and his eyes bugged out of his head in an almost comical way. You see, she was somewhat deformed as well, her sex was much larger than normal for a woman of her size, which was one reason she had taken nonhuman partners in an effort to satisfy her needs.
Jenkins stared, mesmerized, at the sight of Gertrude's wet swollen sex. He'd been so close to release, and now at the sight of her nether lips his cock gave an eager throb. He had seen nude women before; and of course animals, and it was obvious to him she was equally 'deformed' in the genitals department. How...nice, he thought.
A little timidly, Gertrude asked, "Do you...like me?" She too had had less then flattering reactions from men in the past, at least human ones.
All Jenkins could do was nod; rather emphatically, his penis throbbing its need, his admiring eyes locked on her sex.
"Then come with me." Gertrude said, pulling on Jenkins hand so he stood up, and then led him to the bed.
Gertrude gave a deep groan of pleasure as Jenkins mounted her, her legs widely spread as he slid the head of his cock between her nether lips and into her pussy, and they were so slick he penetrated her eager sex easily despite his size, at least as first. At about six inches he began to meet a little resistance, so began thrusting with slow steady lunges, pushing in a little farther with each one, and Gertrude wrapped her legs around his waist and clawed at his shoulders as she grunted and gasped in pleasure.
"Ohhh, yessssss, that's it my love!!!" She sobbed, "Deeper, please...harder... I want all of you in me!! Ohhhh yessss!"
Jenkins couldn't help slobbering a little on her magnificent breasts as he pushed deeper and deeper into her eager welcoming sex, gently biting one of her rigid swollen nipples. I didn't think it would be like this, he thought! It was so much better than anything he'd ever imagined! She was so tight, so slick, so smooth and wet!! And so...so hot! With a grunt he thrust again, and with a wet slurping sound another inch slid into her quivering pussy, and she screeched in his ear and he felt...proud of himself that he could give her so much pleasure. Finally, he thought, a woman that wants ME! And God how he wanted her!
Gertrude threw her head back and forth as she made sounds more animal then human as Jenkins fucked her in a slow regular rhythm. Despite her own unusual size her pussy was still incredibly tight, and he had to force the last few inches of himself into her with powerful thrusts, his eyes closed and sweat dripping from his face as he grunted and lunged into her. It was everything she'd hoped it would be, and better. For once she'd found a man that could satisfy her! And when he finally hilted after quite a long time; a most enjoyably long time, the pleasure became almost unbearable, and as she felt her climax approaching she grabbed his head and ground her lips against his, her scream as she climaxed muffled by the brutally passionate kiss.
Oh, oh, ohhhh GOD! Jenkins thought as he thrust as fast and hard as he could, I'm, I'm going to...cummmmm!! And as they kissed he had his first orgasm, and lost his virginity in a most spectacular and pleasurable way, for both of them.
When will he stop?! Gertrude wondered as blast after blast of cum was pumped into her causing her own orgasm to go on and on; Jenkins desperately lunging in a daze of sexual euphoria equaled by her own; and then hoped he never would. But finally the throbbing and pumping deep inside of her ended, and she stroked his head as he collapsed on top of her, a big smile on her face as she kissed him again and ran her hands over his sweaty back.
Jenkins thought he was going to die as the almost painful ecstasy went on and on, and wondered if it was always like this, so...so intense. But finally his aching cock gave a last pulse, and as the pleasure faded he collapsed, breathing heavily. Oh God, oh God, thank you!
Fairly soon both Jenkins and Gertrude realized that neither of them were satisfied yet, not by a long shot. She was pretty much insatiable, and he had a lot of catching up to do, so it worked out pretty good all around. And soon they were both moaning again from the extreme pleasure as Jenkins mounted her from behind this time, Gertrude being draped across the side of the bed for support as he serviced her. This time he penetrated to the hilt much sooner, and the sounds of his thighs slapping into her soft rump were quite loud in the small hut, as were the other sounds of passion.
__________
Sir DeLancy; horribly worried about his Squire, was finally persuaded by Bodkins; who was also worried, to take his own advice and find a place to wait out the still thick and impenetrable fog. They finally settled on a large tree; that while constantly dripping cold condensation on them, at least gave the illusion of shelter. As Bodkins nibbled at some rather bitter tasting grass Sir DeLancy gnawed on a strip of tough jerky. Fixing a fire was out of the question, all the wood was soaked. He hoped Jenkins would at least have enough sense to seek shelter as well. The poor lad, we never should have ventured out in this beasty fog, he thought. He's probably huddled under a tree like we are, scared and wet.
__________
Jenkins gave a guttural moan of sheer ecstasy as he orgasmed yet again; for the fourth time, Gertrude's heels pummeling his back as he hilted with every powerful thrust and she screamed in delight, her own orgasm as violent and enjoyable as his. Soon after he pulled out she realized he'd fallen asleep, and she snuggled up next to him, possessively cupping and gently fondling his impressive balls. I'm never letting this one go; she promised herself, he's mine, as she too drifted off to sleep.
__________
Sir DeLancy stirred with a groan, his joints popping from having spent the night on the damp cold ground. Since his Squire had all the camping equipment on their pack mule he'd had no choice. At last it was finally getting light, and the fog was starting to burn off.
"Well Bodkins," Sir DeLancy said, "We can start out soon and see if we can find Jenkins and the animals. Let us hope they fared better then we have."
The horse's only response was a noncommittal grunt of agreement, he was as sick of the wet clammy fog as the Knight was.
__________
Jenkins woke with a start, and sat up in the nice warm bed he found himself in. At the sight of Gertrude; still very naked, puttering around in the kitchen nook, he lay back down again with a big smile on his face. Sir DeLancy will NEVER believe this, he thought!
"Good morning, my love!" He called out happily.
Gertrude turned, and with a big smile, said, "About time you woke up! You need to fetch your things from the lean-to so you'll have some clean and dry clothes to wear, at least when you have time to get settled in!" She finished with a giggle, shaking her shoulders causing her breasts to jiggle in most provocative way, much to Jenkins delight.
Oh dear, Jenkins thought, she thinks I'm moving in with her! And truthfully, it was tempting, very much so; as was all too often the case he had fallen madly in love with her. But he knew his duty, after all he was a Squire, and from the light beaming in the widow she'd opened to let in some fresh air he realized it was well into morning, and he should be out searching for his Master and Bodkins. Most likely they had found their way back to Megan's.
"I'm sorry my love," Jenkins said, the regret evident in his voice, "but I really must be going on my way. I have to find my Master as soon as possible, he can't slay the Dragon without me, and his armor is on the pack mule."
"Oh, don't go yet!" Gertrude wheedled, "You just got here, and after last night I want more! I can give you a potion to make you insatiable, keep you hard and rampant for hours!" I will anyway, she thought.
Jenkins closed his eyes and groaned, for hours! Insatiable?? Oh, how tempting that was! He too wanted more of that incredible pleasure he'd been missing out on for so long, he had a lot of catching up to do after all. But...no.
"I promise I'll return for a visit after the beast is dead," he finally said, "and stay for as long as I can. I'm sure Sir DeLancy will be tired after the feat, and he too has a, um, friend fairly close by with whom he can stay."
"Well, drat!" Gertrude pouted, "Well, if you must, you must, but at least let me make you some breakfast before you go." AND add certain special ingredients, she thought. "You stay in bed for now dearie, your clothes are almost dry."
While Jenkins drifted back off to sleep Gertrude took out a small case from its hiding place, and examined the small vials contained therein. Which one?? She mulled as she read the labels on them. Finally she picked one with a smile, perfect! Then she poured a few drops of thick gooey whitish fluid inside into a pestle, and began adding the other needed ingredients for the potion. You, she thought as she glanced over at Jenkins, are mine, and you're not going ANYwhere, my fine stud, she thought.
__________
One advantage of the ground being so sodden and saturated was any tracks were easy to follow, and seeing as there was only one set of horse and mule tracks Sir DeLancy was fairly certain they belonged to Brunhilda and Suzie. The tracks left the road after awhile; boot prints joining them as his Squire had apparently dismounted to lead the animals through the brush, and wandered at random through the scrub brush and small trees; until suddenly turning onto a small, almost invisible, path. The fog was almost gone now, and it was starting to warm up nicely, and Sir DeLancy dozed a little as Bodkins tramped wearily along the muddy trail. He can't be far now, he thought. Probably huddled under some tree as wet and miserable as we are, or maybe he set up the tent?
__________
Carefully Gertrude mixed the ingredients of the potion, she didn't want to make it too strong or he'd lose his human awareness, but neither did she want to make it too weak or he'd only change part way into the form she had planned for him. But she was very practiced at what she was doing, and soon had the perfect amount ready. Almost done, she thought as she added a dash of 'arousal' to the potion; that way he'd have no choice but to give her what she wanted, as often as she wanted it. With a smile she scraped the fine paste that had resulted from her preparations into a kettle, and adding some tea set it to boil. The gooey paste dissolved in the tea without leaving a trace. Good, she thought, might as well get it over with.
"Oh dearie," she called, "breakfast is ready!"
Jenkins got up; as naked as she was, and sat down at the table, both of them unashamedly eyeing one another, after what they'd shared modesty was no longer a concern. Jenkins figured, if she wasn't going to put on any clothes, then neither was he! At least until just before he left. Besides, it was wicked fun! He watched as she finished setting out the breakfast fixings, her large breasts jiggling a little as she bent over; his unimpeded view marvelous, the pink lips of her large sex visible through her ample pubic hair, and felt a stir in the usual spot, delighted that he was almost ready again! Well, don't have to leave anytime soon, he thought. Nope, no rush, be impolite to take off right after breakfast; besides, his clothes were still a little damp.
"Would you like some sugar in your tea?" Gertrude asked as she started to pour Jenkins a nice big mug full of the steaming liquid.
__________
"Well," Sir DeLancy said as they entered a small clearing and saw the hut, "it looks like our wayward Squire found himself some lodgings for the night, most likely some old wood cutter or charcoal burner. Hopefully they'll have something for breakfast, and some nice fresh hay and oats for you Bodkins."
Bodkins gave an eager snort at the thought of oats, grass was fine, but he did like a nice big feedbag full of fresh oats every now and then. And maybe an apple or two! With another eager snort he stopped in front of the hut without being 'told'. As soon as Sir DeLancy had dismounted; and was doing some knee bends and stretches to work out the kinks from being in a saddle for so long, Bodkins walked over to the open window and stuck his head in, he was always doing things like that, being a curious beast.
He blinked in surprise at the sight of Jenkins sitting buck naked at a table, with an equally naked; and rather good looking human female, waiting on him. Oh-ho, Bodkins thought, seems like my little friend finally got lucky! But when the woman raised her head to watch as she began pouring a cup of something Bodkins felt a wave of cold dread wash over him, and gave a shrill whinny of terror.
"Jenkins!" Bodkins bellowed as loud as he could; which was pretty loud, "Don't drink that!"
__________
"What THE...!" Jenkins yelled, jumping up as a loud equine bellow filled the hut and scared him half to death. He and Gertrude had been so engrossed with one another neither had heard the new visitors arrive, and she was equally startled as well. Jenkins knees hit the underside of the table causing it to flip over, and Gertrude let out a screech as the contents of the tea kettle were splashed all over her naked body. It was hot, but not scalding, so no damage was done, but it definitely didn't feel good.
"YOU!" Bodkins snorted angrily.
"YOU!" Gertrude screeched, equally angrily.
"YOU? WHO!? WHAT??" Jenkins yelled, then remembering his nakedness grabbed a towel and held it over his privates, cheeks beet red with embarrassment at being caught 'in flagrante delicto', even if it was by a horse.
"What in the blazes?" Sir DeLancy; who had been about to knock on the door, asked.
"It's the witch! The one who transformed me into a horse!" Bodkins neighed shrilly, pulling his head back out of the window as he reared and shied. "She's got Jenkins, and they're NAKED!!"
With a loud war cry Sir DeLancy drew his sword, kicked in the door, and charged into the hut. "Don't worry Jenkins, I'll save you!" He bellowed.
Jenkins yelled again as the door crashed open, and hopped up on the bed as it was about the only place to retreat to, and said, "But I don't WANT to be saved, GO away!"
"Oh, SHIT!" Gertrude said as she felt her skin starting to tingle, that was the thing about her potions, they also worked just fine if you were 'anointed' with them; you didn't have to drink them, and she was dripping wet with first rate super potent transformation potion, and it was soaking in! "Oh, DOUBLE SHIT!" She squealed as gray and white hair began to sprout all over her body.
Sir DeLancy paused in his attack as he saw a naked woman; a rather furry naked women, dancing around trying to wipe herself off. Looking at Jenkins; who was cowering on the bed, he said, "Oh Jenkins, really, a beast woman?"
"She wasn't like that a minute ago!" Jenkins yelled in confusion, staring in horror at Gertrude who getting furrier by the second; and other equally disturbing noticeable changes were manifesting themselves as well. Her large breasts; as well as the rest of her, were now completely covered in fur, and her ears were growing alarmingly fast!
"What's going on?" Bodkins asked, having stuck his head back through the window.
"Damn it!" Gertrude squealed as she felt her body began to contort, bones shifting into new shapes. And she was fresh out of antidote! She grunted as her skull softened and became malleable as a muzzle began to push out, her ears stretching as they grew longer, and had to lean against the table as her toes began growing together into...hooves. With loud pops her knees suddenly snapped backwards as her legs became digitigrades, a ripple running up her spine, and she moaned from the sickening pleasure as she felt her sex slide back between her legs as the soft pink lips toughened and turned black and shiny.
"W-What's happening!?" Jenkins yelled in horror as he watched the love of his life rapidly becoming an...animal. "Someone help her!"
"Hah!" Bodkins snorted, "Looks like she took some of her own potion! Serves the bitch right! SNORT!"
Sir DeLancy didn't say anything, just stared mesmerized as the beautiful naked woman became more and more bestial, her large breasts sinking into her chest as white fur thickened and spread across her chest and belly. He had to admit it was kind of...arousing.
Horrified, Jenkins leaped back out of the bed and tried to do anything he could to help, but just got in the way. He hovered next to Gertrude, afraid to touch her at first as she squealed and moaned, but finally grabbed her in a hug.
Gertrude rested her head on Jenkins shoulder as the changes continued, grunting in pain as her fingers cramped together into fists to form hooves and her spine snapped and popped as vertebrae lengthened and thickened as they changed shape, and squealed as a tail pushed out from the base of her spine. She felt her head swell as her jaws pushed out and there was an odd feeling as her eyes moved back and to the sides of her head, large floppy ears flicking frantically as her neck thickened and grew, itching as a thick bristly mane sprouted on the back of it, and she could feel her tail swishing behind her.
"URGGHHH!" Gertrude groaned, "DAMN...HAWW...IT! HAAWWW!!"
Their gazes having been riveted on Gertrude for the most part, who now was more donkey then human as the last few changes finished, Sir DeLancy and Bodkins now turned their attention to Jenkins and realized all was not well there either. Jenkins, concentrating on Gertrude's dilemma, hadn't realized yet that a few drops of potion had also gotten on him, but his changes; having been much 'milder', had not caused much discomfort; only a rather pleasant mild tingling, which he had not noticed in all the ongoing excitement.
"Jenkins!" Sir DeLancy said, appalled, "Y-Your, um, tally whacker!"
"Good heavens!" Bodkins snorted.
Jenkins yelped as Gertrude suddenly pushed her hooves against his chest, and stepped back as she fell forward onto all fours in her new four legged stance, and then feeling a little odd 'down there' looked down, and nearly fainted. His already impressive 'deformity' was now even more 'deformed', as in having grown even larger, and was also very much equine as well. A large flaccid multi-colored/splotched equine penis hung from a thick sheath, and equally large balls in a shiny black sack hung suspended below it. With a scream of utter terror Jenkins turned and hopped back up on the bed, he couldn't think of anything else to do, his new 'equipment' flopping like a big soft sausage.
"Jenkins!" Sir DeLancy said, "Y-Your...butt!"
"Good Heavens!" Bodkins snorted, shaking his head.
Feeling behind him Jenkins found something hanging behind his rear, and pulling it around where he could see it found himself holding a grey furry tail with a thick tuft of black hairs on the end, and giving it a strong tug yelped in pain, he could FEEL it! It was HIS tail! A donkey's tail!"
"AHHHHHH!!!" Jenkins screeched; causing everyone to wince from the sheer volume, and dived under the covers.
"HAAWWW, HEE-HAAWWW!!" Gertrude brayed, kicking up her hind legs as she bucked. This sucked! It was one thing to transform someone else, but it wasn't supposed to happen to HER!! "THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO, HAAAWW, HAPPEN!"
"HAH!" Bodkins said, "Serves you right! How do YOU like it?"
"It's...it's horrible!" Gertrude squealed, and lowering her head started to bawl. "I don't want to be a, HAAWWW, DONKEY! He-he-haaaww!"
"I'm not sure what just happened," Sir DeLancy said, "So why don't we all calm down a bit and try and figure it out?" When the only response was loud snorts and brays as the two equines yelled at one another, and another muffled scream from the trembling lump under the bed covers, he turned around and walked back outside. Give them some time to cool off a bit, he thought. Frankly he needed a break too.
__________
Jenkins finally worked up the nerve to pull the covers off and examine his 'predicament'. "Oh, bloody hell." He muttered as he looked at the impressive male genitals he now possessed, the large flared head of his most definitely equine member protruding several inches from the mouth of the sheath, the large heavy balls nestled between his thighs. Well, if I wasn't deformed before, I certainly am now, he thought morosely. He finally finds the woman of his dreams, and she turns into a donkey, and so does he; at least part way. It wasn't fair! It wasn't bloody fair! He looked up at the donkey and horse who were trading insults; rather rude ones, in both English and what he assumed were the equine equivalents, and yelled as loud as he could,
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!!!"
Gertrude's mouth snapped shut, and Bodkins just looked at Jenkins with his hanging open in mid insult.
Finally! Thank you! Sir DeLancy thought as the sounds quieted down, and went back into the hut.
"Look," Jenkins said, "I don't know what happened, but all I do know is we have to fix it! I do NOT want to go around like this! It's...it's...!!"
"Unnatural?" Bodkins finished for him.
"Yes, good word, that, definitely!" Jenkins replied, "And bloody embarrassing as well! I mean, how can I go out in public like, like THIS? There's no way I can hide it, it'll look like I have oranges and a salami stuck in my pants!"
"Well, I do all the time." Bodkins said.
"It's NOT the same!" Jenkins snapped back "Your cock & balls are supposed to look like that, mine aren't! And...and, mine are as large as yours now!"
"I think they're quite nice, for a donkey's, I mean." Bodkins said, "But I think your balls are even bigger than mine, quite impressive." Jenkins just fumed.
"I quite agree," Sir DeLancy said, "with Jenkins, I mean. We cannot have my Squire running around like that, I mean, the poor lad will hardly be able to walk!"
"It's not THAT big!" Jenkins retorted, still staring in dismay at his new genitals, the tip of his tail twitching nervously. It was certainly big enough though.
"And just where do you think you're going?" Sir DeLancy asked, as he shut the door in the donkey's face as it tried to push past him.
"Hee-haw!" Gertrude brayed.
"Knock it off," Sir DeLancy said, "you can still talk, we all heard you!"
"Yeah!" Bodkins said, "You just called me a butthead!"
"I'm getting out of here before you kill me, or burn me at the stake, or something!" the gray and white donkey snorted.
"Yes, about that." Sir DeLancy said, "Bodkins, I thought you said she HAD been burned at the stake?!"
"I thought so too!" Bodkins replied, "At least that's what everyone said, but I wasn't there when it happened."
"Okay, witch!" Sir DeLancy said, "Explain yourself! How did you escape being burned at the stake? More evil magic I suppose."
"Beats me," Gertrude said, "I wasn't there either. I was out gathering, er, herbs when I heard the news I'd been burned at the stake. I decided to leave better enough alone and got the Hell out of Camelot. I guess the idiots burned the wrong witch, or some poor girl that had the misfortune to look like me. They do stuff like that a lot you know. Damn pyromaniac's."
"Well," Sir DeLancy said, "I guess I can believe that, the peasants in the village didn't strike me as being terribly bright."
"Which is why they're peasants." Gertrude snorted.
"Exactly." Sir DeLancy said.
"Um, heyyy," Jenkins said, "Um...!" And gestured at his crotch.
"Oh, right!" Sir DeLancy said, "Well, witch, I suggest you return my Squire to his proper, um, size and shape, post haste! Then we'll decide what to do with you."
"Sorry, no can do." Gertrude said with a grunt.
"WHAT!" Jenkins, Bodkins, and Sir DeLancy all said at the same time in rather loud voices.
"I said I CAN'T!" Gertrude sniffed, "I can't even change myself back! Animals can't work magic, or at least make potions, you need hands! You have to measure the ingredients for a potion very carefully, and make magical ritual gestures for some of it. I can't, no hands, and hooves don't work! Let's face it, we're screwed!"
"You mean I'm STUCK like this!" Jenkins wailed.
"Hey," Gertrude said, "I'm not exactly thrilled myself! At least you're still bipedal!"
"Odd's Bodkin's!" Jenkins moaned.
"Yes, he is a bid odd." Gertrude said.
"Am NOT!" Bodkins snorted indignantly.
"Well, you do have to admit a talking horse IS a bit odd." Sir DeLancy said.
"That's NOT what I meant!" Jenkins yelled, having a tantrum and jumping up and down on the bed, a certain portion of his anatomy flopping about most impressively, one human, and two equine heads, bobbing up and down as they watched the show.
"Well, why didn't you SAY so!?" Bodkins and Sir DeLancy said at the same time. Gertrude just brayed.
"What are we going to DO, then?!" Jenkins finally asked, after he'd calmed down a little bit, and covered up his predicament again.
"That's a good question," Sir DeLancy said, "but frankly, I haven't got the slightest idea."
"What about Megan!" Bodkins said, "She's a witch too!"
"Hmph," snorted Gertrude, "I know her; she can't turn water into steam! Her talent is all healing."
"Well then," Sir DeLancy said, "I guess we continue our quest for the Dragons lair, and hopefully we'll find another witch on the way!"
"WHAT!?" Jenkins said, "I can't help slay a Dragon like THIS! I'll be tripping over the damn thing! And NO more witches! There's no telling what the next one will do to me!"
"He's got a point." Bodkins said.
"You won't have to fight," Sir DeLancy said, "that's my job."
"Well, even so," Jenkins said as he got out of the bed, giving a grunt as the weight of his new balls settled between his legs, damn things were the size of oranges, big ones, and it felt like they weighed a ton! "I won't be able to do much of anything!"
Sir DeLancy couldn't help but stare at the impressive genitals hanging between the legs of his Squire, and felt maybe just a tab bit...jealous? After all, what man hadn't fantasized about having just such impressive...equipment, at least for awhile. But certainly not permanently!
"I don't know what else to do," Sir DeLancy said, "I mean, we can't go back now! Not when we're so close!"
"I wouldn't mind," Bodkins said, "I'll wait for you at the Cock & Bull. They'll probably let me have my old stall back."
"Bodkins, shut up." Sir DeLancy said, the horse giving a hurt sounding snort.
"Look, witch," Sir DeLancy said, "Can another witch, with the right 'powers', reverse your evil spells?"
"My name is Gertrude," Gertrude snorted, "And it's not a spell, it's a potion, big difference."
"Potions, spells, it's all the same! Evil dark magic!" Sir DeLancy said.
"No it's NOT!" Gertrude snorted indignantly, "I get so tired of all the stupid IGNORANCE! A spell is invoked with words; a potion is MADE from ingredients! True, some of the ingredients may be acquired using a spell, but they're NOT the same! Is a sword the same as an axe?? They both do the same thing, but they're DIFFERENT! And what about Megan? She CURES sick people, what's 'evil and dark' about that?? And NOT all my potions change people into animals, or animals into people! Lots of my potions do GOOD things!!"
"Whatever!" Sir DeLancy said, "CAN a different witch make one of your potions and change poor Jenkins, AND Bodkins, back into humans!?"
"Um, I'm still mostly human, Milord." Jenkins mumbled, tail swishing. Damn thing had a mind of its own.
"With a donkey's tail and dong," Sir DeLancy said, "We can NOT leave you like that, it's...unnatural!"
"That's what I said." Bodkins snorted.
"Well, yes, theoretically," Gertrude said, "But she'd have to be really good, I'm one of the best. AND she'd have to do it EXACTLY like I would, otherwise it might backfire."
"Backfire?" Jenkins said nervously, tail swishing even faster.
"Well, yes," Gertrude said, "if it isn't prepared exactly right you might end up as a donkey all the way, or with a donkey's head as well, or as a donkey with human genitals and no tail."
"Ewwwww!" Jenkins, Bodkins, and Sir DeLancy all said at the right time.
"I think I'd rather stay this way!" Jenkins blurted out, "I can get used to it."
"Well," Sir DeLancy said, "I guess we'd better find Gertrude's spell books and any 'ingredients' she has lying around, and get out of here before someone else gets changed into something unpleasant."
"What about Gertrude!?" Jenkins asked, "We can't just leave her here, not like this! It would be...cruel!"
"She got what she deserved," Sir DeLancy said, "And I for one do NOT want a witch accompanying us, even one that's a donkey now. I don't trust her; she'd probably turn us over to the Dragon or something."
"Yeah!" Bodkins snorted.
"Well, then I'm not coming either!" Jenkins said, "I'm NOT leaving her like this!"
"But why?" Sir DeLancy said in a confused sounding voice, "She tried to turn you into a donkey, and almost did, for God's sake! She's a WITCH!"
"B-Because, I love her!" Jenkins blurted out.
"WHAT!? You've GOT to be kidding!" Sir DeLancy, Bodkins, and Gertrude all said at the same time.
"I love her!" Jenkins repeated in a firmer sounding voice, "You two get all the women; well, females, you want! Do you know what that feels like, for me, I mean? To see all the women fawning over you, and I never even get a glance? She's the only woman I've ever been with, and so yes, I love her, and I will NOT leave her like this! I don't care WHAT she did, or tried, to do! I don't care if she IS a witch! Damn it, I LOVE her!"
"Oh dear." Sir DeLancy muttered. He knew Jenkins meant what he said; when his Squire got like this there was no reasoning with him. He could be stubborn as a, well, a donkey!
Gertrude; who of course had been listening intently as her fate was decided, looked at Jenkins in surprised gratitude, and felt maybe just a little...something else for the tall gawky man. Frankly she'd thought he'd be yelling for her to be 'burned at the stake" or something else equally unpleasant, but instead he was sticking up for her, in spite of what she'd tried to do to him. No one had ever done that before.
"Look," Gertrude said, "even if you had my spellbook and ingredients it wouldn't help you much, most of what I know is in my head. We witches don't dare write down our most important spells or other knowledge. Another witch might steal it, or if a snoopy priest or peasant found it we'd get burned. So you'll have to take me with you, no matter what. Besides, I can't stay here like this, there are wild animals in the woods, and my magic has faded by now, they'll be coming looking for food. I...I wouldn't have a chance on my own. AND I know the way to the Dragon's lair."
"No!" Bodkins said, "She'll change you too, Milord! You don't know what she's like! She'll find some way! You'll end up as a toad or a newt! Just mark my words!"
Gertrude snorted, and said, "Did Bodkins ever tell you WHY I transformed him into a horse?"
"Well,' Sir DeLancy said, "He said you needed a mount, so changed him so you could ride him."
"Oh HO!" Gertrude said, "I most definitely DID ride him, but I didn't turn him into an animal until AFTER that! He told me he loved me! Said he'd take me away from the village and marry me! Then he dumped me; AFTER he got tired of 'riding' ME, and I caught him 'riding' another woman! So I turned him into an oversexed stallion, and turned her into a duck! The womanizing poltroon!"
"Oh, I never!" Bodkins snorted indignantly, "Lies, all lies!"
"Well, just ask the duck!" Gertrude snorted. "It lives in the pond back on the village green! She'll be more then glad to fill you in on his sexual escapades, as would half the other women in the village!"
"Bodkins!" Sir DeLancy said, "Is she telling the truth?"
"Well, kind of," Bodkins sulkily admitted, "but it's not like we were married or anything! So I got a new girlfriend, that's no excuse for her to change me into an animal!"
"That's horrible!" Jenkins said.
"What?" Sir DeLancy said, "Her turning him into a horse, or his cheating on her?"
"Both!" Jenkins said, "And that poor woman, er, duck!"
"We'll get to the bottom of this once and for all when we get back to the village after dispatching the Dragon." Sir DeLancy said, "Now we've wasted enough time yelling at one another, so let's get packed and on the road."
"IF we get back to the village." Jenkins muttered to himself, but not loud enough for Sir DeLancy to hear him, though from the way Gertrude flicked her ears towards him and snorted he thought she agreed. Bodkin's didn't seem exactly thrilled either. But he was the boss, so they reluctantly started getting ready.
The End
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