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//: City of San Iadras, 'Uptown' district. Jennifer pulled him through her bedroom door. Settled him on the corner of her bed and straddled him, putting her hands to his face and putting her nose against his. Stared into his eyes, so all he could see was the pretty green sparkle of hers. "You look calmer," she said. Made it true by tilting her head just a little so she could kiss him, pushing her lips against Troy's. He wrapped his arms around her, hugged her close. Pulled away, put his head on her shoulder. She wagged her tail a little, settling her muzzle beside his neck. She smelled flowery. Some kind of perfume. Troy missed her old smell. "Wanna fool around or something while the coffee boils?" Troy shook his head just slightly. "Okay." She reached up to move her hair back behind an ear, kissed his neck lightly. "We don't have to. Just... thought it might help. How're you feeling?" "I'm scared." "How come?" she asked, lips dragging a little in his fur. Troy pulled back, tried to keep her gaze for a second. Failed. Found himself staring down at the white sheets of her bed. "Do you still love me?" She glanced down at herself, shuffled back a little, more towards his knees. She flattened her skirt down over his lap as chastely as she could. "Did you ever love me?" "Don't be like that." Jennifer forced on another smile. Troy sighed, let his hands slip from her back, fall to the bed beside him. He bit his lip for a second. Looked over at the wall. Jennifer put her hands in her lap, well away from his zipper. Flicked an ear quietly. "Thanks for getting me out of there," he offered quietly. She lifted a hand to scratch behind an ear. Shrugged, smoothed down her hair. "I'm glad you called. I'm just sorry my phone was off." "It's okay." Troy tried on a smile. Found he didn't like it, let his lips sag again. "Probably would've interrupted something." "Nah." She patted his shoulder gently. "I was hoping you'd call." "With your phone off?" She let her jaw go slack, glanced off at the bedroom door. Lifted a shoulder awkwardly. "You ever broken up with a girl before, Troy?" "Uh." He felt something bad in his throat. Swallowed down on nothing but spit, trying to make it go away. "Been dumped. Once or twice." "Then you know what it's like, waiting for her to call you. Thinking that she probably won't. Ever." Jennifer blinked a little. Stared at the floor when he didn't say anything. Nodded at the door. "I think that's the coffee." She squirmed back off him and stepped out of her bedroom, heels of her shoes clicking as she made it out onto the tiles of her living room, quiet again when she stepped onto the rug. Troy edged back on her bed a little, letting his tail dip over its edge, its tip still a little sore. Waited awhile, finally heard the beep of her coffee maker finishing its boil cycle. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands. Funny, how good Jennifer's hearing was. He heard the clink of mugs, the pouring of coffee. A coughing sound, sharp edged and tearing, high pitched like a scream, but so short, so quiet. Another, wetter. A sniffle. He wished he had a mute button. She was all smiles a moment later, though, a mug in each hand. She leaned forward gently, tail lifting a little as though helping her keep balance. "Here you go." He took the mug, shifted it to his left hand because it was hot, he didn't want to burn. "Thanks." He took a little sip while she sat down beside him. Lifted the mug with a smile. "It's good." "Thank you." She nodded a little, as if to herself, letting her eyelids close momentarily. "I make the best damn coffee in the whole world, you know." "You do?" "Sure," she smiled, nudging him with her shoulder. "Where else are you going to get coffee that good?" He took another sip, rested the mug on his knee for a moment. Smiled a little, despite himself. "Nowhere?" "That's right," she agreed with a nod, taking a sip. She lowered the cup a little from her muzzle, tensed her fingers around the mug. Took another. Smiled. But it wasn't her smile. He looked down at the coffee, little whorls of part-dissolved milk whirling around. Closed his eyes for a second. She shuffled a little on the bed, leaned back and put her mug down on her bedside table. Troy scooted back a little, put his down next to hers. Jennifer unwound the straps of her shoes, set them down carefully before seating herself on the bed. She crossed her legs, pulled up her ankle and tucked it down behind a knee. Set her hands on her lap, picked idly at her clawish fingernails, tiger-striped tail thumping the bed occasionally behind her. He kicked off his shoes, his damn hurtful shoes, and lay on his side. She smiled again. But again, it didn't make her face pretty. It just made her look sad. Sad and alone, so close where he could touch her if he wanted just by reaching out to her. Bridging that little gap. Touch her on the bed she'd been sleeping in this morning when he'd called. She glanced down, flicked one of her ears errantly. Reached up to scratch it. "Does looking at me still hurt?" "Only because you're not smiling." "I am smiling. See?" She wiped her muzzle with a hand, made the corners of her mouth lift. But her eyes were sad. Troy put a hand against his forehead, slumped back on the sheets. "When I see you smile it's the prettiest thing in the world, Jen. It makes everything bad go away." He stared up at the ceiling. "But it doesn't do that now," Jennifer said, looking at her palm, turning her hand back and forth. "Because now you know I'm a lying bitch." He blinked hard. Took a breath through his nose so fast it hissed. "That I really am a slut. And I act like a whore," she added, putting a hand over the bridge of her muzzle. "So this is how it's going to be, Troy. You're going to find out you don't love me anymore. And I'm going to find somebody like Andy to fuck, and I'll cry in the night sometimes thinking about you." "And, uhm. You're going to think back to that girl who fucked other guys, that bitch Jennifer. And you're going to think good riddance, and get on with your life, and not hurt anymore." She let her ears droop, took a wheezing breath. Let it go in one coughing bark, all squeal and pain and fear, took a sharp breath to steady herself. "Because the other way, Troy. You're going to wonder whose cock my mouth's been around last, and whether or not it's your name I whisper to myself before I fall asleep. Then one day you'll see me on the street with another man. And then you'll find out you can't deal with it anymore, so you'll go and sleep with the first girl you can find." Her tear hit the sheet, made the soft fabric billow down, turn dark. "Except she won't be like me, Troy. She'll be different, so you'll find another girl. And maybe she'll be nice, really great, perfect. But you'll think about that guy I was with. Wonder if this new girl isn't fucking him too. And then you'll sleep with some other girl, Troy, and another one, and another one, because you can't get me out of your head." "And you'll always wonder if you could've been happy with that new girl, but she'll be long gone because you were sleeping with other people." She quirked her lips up in a faltering attempt to smile. Trembled. "Then you'll know what it's like being me," she whispered. Troy turned away, burying his face in her pillows. He thumped his tail against the sheets, clawed his fist into the pretty white sheets and dragged them up, crumpling them between his fists. "I'll get naked, feel good up on that stage because guys are looking at me. They want me." She plucked at the sheets. "Some guy'll think I'm special. Any guy. And maybe he'll make me feel pretty, beautiful. And if I take him home, when the morning comes I won't have to be scared because I know he'll be gone. I know he won't think I'm a slut, because that's just how the world works. I know that I can fuck him again next week, next month, next year, and it's not going to hurt me. And I'll be special again when I do." "But sometimes I'll wake up," Jennifer said to fill the silence, swaying her head back and forth. "And you'll be there, crying, screaming, gasping like a fish. And in that one little second, I can't do anything. I just have to watch you be in so much pain." Her voice cracked. "I can't do a damn thing except watch. And then the one thing I can do to keep you from being in pain, that one thing, I don't do. I can't keep my knees shut, because I'm a dumb whore." Troy watched her shake, the tears fall from her eyes. "You're not." He pulled his way closer to her, dragging the rumpled sheets until he could get his arms around those trembling shoulders. "Please don't cry, Jen. Don't cry." She shook her head, choked out a little sound. A little coughing wheeze that was everything a scream should be, but whispered quietly. "I fucked us up, Troy." His stomach felt sick inside. But he'd do anything to get her to stop crying, to pretend for a second that he'd see her smile again one day. Do anything so that he'd never have to hear that that heart-wrenching sound again. Anything. Even lie. "No you didn't. We're okay," he pleaded, wiping her tears away. She shook her head, looked up. Her eyes were damp pools, full of misery. His heart froze in his chest. "Y' mean it?" she whimpered. "Yeah." He lied again by kissing her. For a second there, for just a second she smiled and it didn't hurt to look at her. For just a second things were okay, and then he found himself wondering who she'd kissed. Where she'd kissed them. But she wasn't crying. Her neck flexed a little as she nuzzled the side of her face against his, caught his ear lightly between her teeth. Her tongue, hot and wet, slipped across the fold of flesh. She didn't say anything, just ran her fingers down his shirt, unpicking the buttons one by one. Jennifer looked up, pretty green eyes uncertain and afraid. He lied again, with just a tiny nod of the head this time. It wasn't easy, but it made the fear in her eyes go away. He lied a little more and pulled her close, praying she didn't notice the way his stomach was tense, didn't see the tears in his eyes for what they were. She ducked her nose forward against his neck and lapped at his fur as if he was Andy. She shifted her legs over his body and straddled him again and pulled up her skirt, yanking it over her tail and bunching it up around her stomach. She kissed her way up the side of his neck, locked her mouth on his while pushing her hands down between them, snapped open his belt buckle, worked at the button of his pants like she'd done it a thousand times before, even though he'd only felt her hands there twice. The lie hurt when he slipped his tongue into her mouth, angling his head so their jaws meshed a little, his breath huffing into her fur and his tongue scrubbing up against hers. It hurt a little less, just a stabbing pain in his gut, when he put his hands on her and squeezed at her striped thighs where his black furred hands were so alien now. She yanked down the zipper and pulled back, muzzle pointed down so she could see what she was doing. His body believed the lie, his penis sprang up erect in her hands when she pulled it free of his shorts, throbbed eagerly while she dragged the crotch of her panties aside and slid down, on him, warm and wet, the lips of her vagina meeting in a soft V around his shaft. He watched the way the V was made slightly deeper when she bobbed up, made shallow when she pushed down hard on him. He wasn't the first to notice, he knew. But it was almost like that first time when he hadn't known what her warnings had meant. He gasped for breath, feeling a hot fuzziness inside when she rolled her hips, made his flesh burn for her. He tried to forget how much she did this, how she'd learned how to pleasure him by the gasps of other men. He forgot to lie for a second, moaning into her hair, rolling her over and pushing her against the bed. Forgot he was lying when he rolled his part-clothed hips against hers, flexing his body into hers while she sang out tiny moaning breaths. Maybe he wasn't lying when he kissed her pretty face, dragging his lips down her muzzle until his face was pressed beside hers and he could feel her every breath. Maybe he could pretend he was the only one who did that. She pushed her fingers against the base of his penis, stroked his length while he pumped in and out, shifted her thighs so that she was tighter, ran her tongue across her lips and gasped his name. His name, not Andy's. His. So it wasn't a lie at all when his legs started shivering. No lie, the way he jolted her against the bed with reflexive humps and grinds, pushing her thighs wider apart, rubbing his hand into her soft fur. Put his hands over her butt and dragged her harder against him. The beautiful truth when he breathed that he loved her. She grunted in his ear, started trembling when he tensed, his balls rubbing up against her tail as he pushed her into the bed. She quivered like a leaf, licking at his neck. Moaned at him with her beautiful voice, slightly liquid, happy. Husky. Lay shaking with him for a few precious seconds that made him believe she loved him back. Lay shaking with him, like she'd shaken with Andy. And Troy wished that he'd managed to keep lying just a few minutes longer.