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Everyone who was close to Blain missed him a lot, there's no point in denying it. But the only thing we were able to do was to focus on our own lives... Because how harsh it may seem, life for us continued normally. And so we carried on with our daily lives... Terry and I had to in order to move on. It made me feel rather powerless and it's strange to realize that... Because I was worried sick about Blain and yet I didn't even bother writing him back... But maybe that's just me being afraid... Afraid of confronting things I tried to leave behind so many years ago... It was selfish of me not to write back... It was the only thing I could do for Blain... And believe it or not, writing a letter is a lot harder than you might think... Choosing the right words is the most difficult... Telling Blain that everything goes so well over here while he was in a ditch in a god forsaken shithole fighting someone else's war... I know what's it's like and yet I don't... Because I didn't see the civil war from a soldier's point of view... I tried to imagine it and what I saw was gruesome... It's something no one should ever see... But nevertheless, we moved on...

"Ten facts no one knows about you"...? Pfff, uhm... Okay, uhm...' 'And I do mean absolutely no one, dude.' 'Is this something like truth or dare?' 'No, this is "Name ten facts about yourself no one else knows". Come on, share!' 'Eh... This is really embarrassing, haha! I mean, if you know these facts about me, it wouldn't be called "no one else knows", you know.' 'Dude, come on... You got a better idea?' 'Okay, okay... Uhm... Let's see...'

That evening, Terry and I stayed at my place to have a quiet evening together... Hell, it's pretty much the only thing we did whenever we were spending the nights together and it usually ended up with the two of us in bed to either talk, to make out or well... You know... But the evening was young and the two of us were bored to death because it was no weather to be outside and there wasn't anything to do really, besides a pillow-fight, "making funny noises" competition, tickling each other and had this stupid game were the two of us could say one word with each turn that had to make some sort of a story. Which was hilarious by the way... It was only around ten o'clock when we went to my room... After making out for a while, we took a shower together... So we were in our underwear in my room and now he came up with this to kill time... I had to tell him ten things no one knows about me... I could name a hundred things... Nevertheless, I scraped my throat as I looked a little uneasy... Terry basically asked me to share my deepest darkest secrets no one else knows about me... And to make it worse, he asked for ten of them... It's quite embarrassing to admit it... But I did, nevertheless... 'Uhm... No one knows that pink is actually my favourite colour...' 'What?? Pink?!' 'Yes... Hihihi... Okay uhm... No one knows I keep a diary... It basically contains my life-story ever since I was able to write properly. Writing is a hobby of mine...' 'Oh wow...' 'Hm-mm... And uh... What else... Oh yeah! I rarely wear socks, only if I really have to... I hate socks.' 'Hehehe...' 'No one knows that I actually love mushy romance... Despite the fact I always pretend that I don't...' 'You're a hopeless romanticist? You want a knight on a white horse?' 'Haha, yes...' 'How about that husky in a red Seat Ibiza?!' 'That'll do just fine, haha...' 'Okay, what else?' 'Uhm... I sometimes talk to my parents whenever I'm alone in bed because of the idea that they're still listening to me... I used to do that a lot when I was little and I guess that never really went away...' 'I see... Go on.' 'Uhm... Oh! Food related fact! Whenever I cut open a bun, the open side is always on the right. If not, I turn it around and devour it.' 'Whaha, why is that?' '... No reason for that, really, I'm just funny that way. If the open side is not on the right, I'm not taking a bite.' 'Hehehehe...' 'Aaaaaand... I despise violence unless it's necessary. Despite the fact I have the red belt in Tae Kwon Do.' 'Uh-huh... Three more to go.' 'I'm a terrible cook!' 'That's not a secret, babe.' '... Thank you for that honest, yet "straight to the face" answer. You could've been more subtle on that.' 'Whaha, you're welcome. That one doesn't count, by the way. I already knew that one.' 'Hehehe, you're horrible... Uhm... I laugh at my own jokes... Funny random puns or comments are popping up in my head sometimes and I just laugh out loud while everyone's looking at me, wondering what I smoked.' 'Yeah. I look at you like that all the time.' 'Hmm...' 'And besides, your puns are terrible...' '... You mean... Terry-ble... Hihihi...' 'Haha! Dude! Don't start the lame puns again!' 'To write with a broken pencil is pointless.' 'Okay, stop it, seriously.' 'Hahaha, okay, okay... Uhm... I have a very, very wide interest in music... From classical, to metal, from drum and bass to triphop, you name it. Simon once listened to my iPod and was totally flabbergasted to hear Mark Knopfler.' 'Who?' 'The guy from Dire Straits!' '... Who?' 'Never mind... He's one hell of a guitarist...' 'What about rap and hiphop?' 'Psh, fuck that... Bunch of asswipes rhyming how big their dicks are and their twenty-four inch rims of their cars no one gives a shit about... I like Eminem though, some of his songs got meaningful lyrics.' 'Yeah, about how he hates his mom and singing about salsa. It has deep spiritual meaning.' 'Well excuse me for liking music which actually means something unlike that trance and dance trash you listen to.' 'Can't argue with music tastes!' 'Haha, no you certainly can't.' 'Okay, last one! I think...' '... I can't think of anything right now.' 'Surely there must be something...' 'Heh... Well... There is something but...'

"Do you really want him to know that...? Are you out of your fucking mind?!!" I guess I was if I was gonna tell him that one little thing only Samantha and Catherine know about me... Then again, it wouldn't really count because those two already knew but... Terry didn't knew that... And I noticed he was starting to get curious when I smiled nervously... He was dying to know... Of course I felt absolutely embarrassed when the thought of showing him what I owned came up in my mind but Terry kept asking me for a while what it was as his smile got bigger and bigger the longer I kept him waiting for me to answer him... Nevertheless, I stayed silent the longer that embarrassed and nervous smile on my face got bigger as well... 'This is really embarrassing... But uhm... I'll show you if you're really that keen on knowing... Just promise me you wont tell anyone...' 'I promise...!' 'Alright then...'

I bit my upper lip and smiled nervously at Terry again when I got up and hesitated to walk towards my wardrobe... But once I did, I got hold of a cardboard box that was stored away in the back... And inside that cardboard box, there was a package of something I ordered online a few months ago... I still hesitated to show him and my nervous giggles revealed that I was really embarrassed for showing him but... At some point, I turned around and showed him what I held in my hands... 'No one knows I own a... a sextoy...' 'The fuck?? A dildo? Dude, that's awesome!' 'Hihihi...' 'Wow...! So... Uh... You've used it before?' 'Kind of... Yeah...'

And with that, I placed it back in the box which was put away on the highest shelf in the back, hidden underneath some clothes... When I sat back on my bed, Terry looked at me with a huge cheeky smile... 'So uh... You feel like giving me a demonstration on how you're using it properly? You know, for future references?' 'What, no, absolutely not!' 'Awww! Why not...?!' 'Because its embarrassing to do that in front of you! Haha!' 'You do realize I wanna know everything about it, right?' 'What's there to know about...? I mean, it's not like I'm using it "properly" if you know what I mean... So...' 'Oh? What do you mean...?' 'Uhm... Well... Uh...'

"I knew this was gonna happen..." What seemed to be funny and embarrassing at first got very serious so all of a sudden when I felt I had to explain it... I wasn't embarrassed by the fact I own a dildo... Lots of girls do... I was embarrassed to explain my motives for using one and I think Terry was able to see that I was... All of a sudden, his smile got wiped off of his face when I looked at him... 'I bought it to see if I was ever able to get used to it, you know... And I thought that I could just learn to like it... I just can't enjoy the feeling of it and I know its all in my head but just inserting the tip inside of me just doesn't feel right... I tried to get it deeper inside of me but that really hurt the last time I did...' 'Oh...' 'And that's why I got a lot of trouble of going "all the way", you know...' 'I know, dude...'

Terry and I had these talks before but... It always has been difficult to explain it in a way he'd understand... And despite all of my efforts, I always had the feeling that he didn't... I didn't want him to think that he was the reason why we didn't go all the way... But sadly, I get the feeling that it was something he thought, even though I tried to explain it... I guess at some point, it's time to stop trying to explain it... To stop thinking the things you worry about the most... And I knew things would stay the same if Terry didn't do anything... I know I had a twisted image about sex and Terry had to prove me wrong... I think that it was that night that Terry finally started to realize I needed a nudge in the right direction with this as well... A nudge was all it took and I'd be on my way, like I always have... I was totally oblivious to the nudge he was about to give me... And I can honestly say it caught me by surprise... We stared at each other for a while when at some point, he came closer to me and gave me a tender kiss on my lips... And then, he gently pushed me down on my back on the bed and massaged my breasts when he gave tender little kisses on my stomach... I wasn't expecting any of that and I was really surprised to say the least... His hands got hold of my shoulders to keep me down on the bed and gently started to kiss my neck as his hands reached down my panties... Feeling how his fingers were caressing the fabric as his lips touched mine... It never happened so spontaneous before... We always talked about it before anything happened and we didn't in this case, which is why it caught me off guard so much... And I was so overwhelmed by it... But the touch of his lips against mine made me give in to it... Terry always said that he wasn't the romantic kind of guy but what I saw and felt that night made me see a whole different side of him I haven't seen before... I watched him how he positioned himself at the end of my bed and carefully started to kiss my inner thighs... The oh so familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach crawled up when he got on top of me... Staring in those light blues of him... His muscles looked as if they were all chiselled on him... Terry got on top of me again to make out... And I already felt it growing in his boxershorts between my legs... It was the only thing I could focus on and I totally spaced out... And all of a sudden, Terry stopped kissing me and looked at me instead... I touched his chest and caressed his soft chest fluff when I wasn't looking at him, feeling embarrassed that I freaked out once more... 'Are you sure you're okay...?' 'Y-Yeah, I'm fine, Terry... I-I want to b-but...' 'It's okay...' 'Heh... I-I uh... I'm always trippin' whenever this happens and uh... I-I need to stop doing that... But it's not your fault, you know... It's all in my head... I need to learn to trust you in these kind of things... It helped before... And I know it'll help me again...' 'As long as you like it, right...?' 'Right... Yeah... But what about you...?' 'I'll manage, haha...' 'Pffffff...' 'What is it...?' 'I'm sorry, I just... I-I don't know why I'm so terrified of it...' 'It's okay...' 'All these years I've been living with these ideas and... I don't want it to come in between us anymore... I have to let go of the things that happened in the past to me, Terry... I-I need to let it go... And... I-I know it's something that-...' 'It's okay, dude... You don't owe me an explanation...'

And just like that, the mood was gone, like it happened many times before... Terry got off of me and sat on the edge of my bed as I stared at him... And so many questions were going through my head once more... Why the hell was I so afraid...? Why didn't I felt this way back when Blain and I were doing this...? Why the hell did I felt so guilty...? Why can't we be intimate like every other normal couple...? Just what the fuck is wrong with me...? Blain has been my friend my entire life and we did it before any of that shit happened... I trust Blain with my life which is why I let him... But every other male always got on my bad side... Terry however, was different than every other male, even Blain wasn't able to compare to him... So... If Terry was so much different than Blain, how come I wasn't able to...? Because of the things that happened at Mikaela's place...? Because I felt being forced into it...? Because our first time was anything but a pleasant experience for me...? For giving off the wrong signals to Terry back then...? I guess all of those reasons played a part and I always thought that the things that happened at Mikaela's place wouldn't have much of an impact on me... That I'm a tough girl and would manage it, like I always did... It was something I wanted to believe back then and I was delusional for thinking like that... Because it affected me in every way imaginable... It affected me more than I could ever possibly imagine... For years I've been living with that... And that night, when all these questions went through my head, I realized it... I realized that dealing with the source of my fears was a lot more difficult... And each and every time I thought I was able to let it go, it came back the next time it happened... But then I looked at Terry and saw the look on his face... Terry took my fears away before... And he would do it again if I let him... I'd share my burdens just as much as he shared his blessings with me... And then, all of a sudden, it struck me... "I'm in control of my own actions... Always have been, always will be, in the only way I want it to happen..." Realizing that I was in control of everything felt so liberating... And Terry was right all along... I realized I had to let go, not just for myself, but for Terry as well... I wanted to... And no one was ever gonna tell me what I needed ever again... I know what I needed... It was right there in front of me that night... And for the first time in my life, I realized that my own actions would make all the difference there is...

Terry was staring down at the floor and I could almost read his mind... How many times did he gave up things in order to make me happy...? When was the last time I had to make a sacrifice for him...? I never had to... And maybe that's just what I had to do... What exactly did I had to lose for at least trying it...? Absolutely nothing... Terry would not shatter my dignity for what it was worth... And I guess all of these thoughts played a part when I sat on top of him, with my knees resting on the bed, looking in those light blue eyes of his... I placed my hands on his cheeks and gave him tender little kisses on his lips... Giving in to these feelings were difficult... But I had to... Not just for Terry, but for me as well... And that's when I closed my eyes as my forehead touched his... 'You're not mad at me, are you...?' 'No, of course not...' 'I don't want this anymore, Terry... I don't want to doubt myself anymore...' 'Heh...' 'You'll have to understand when I tell you that living with it is difficult for me and it always will be... It's not that I don't want to, it's just difficult for me to give in to these feelings... I want it to happen more than anything... With you...' 'I know...' 'And... I don't want the things that happened in the past to separate us anymore... I feel that it's the reason why I'll have to do it... I have to do this to let go of the past... Because I don't want to be afraid anymore, Terry... It's all I ever wanted...' 'Then don't be...' 'I ask a lot of things, I know... I know I'm very demanding... But it's not until now I realize what I really need... You need to prove me wrong... To give me a reason of not being afraid anymore... Because I can't do it on my own... I can't set my mind right on my own... I need you the most, now more than ever...'

It stayed silent for a while... But then his hands reached to my back and undid my bra... It fell in between us as I placed my hands on his cheeks again... What I felt that night is indescribable... It didn't feel natural, as if I was going to force myself into it... What scared me the most was the thought that I was determined to make it happen even though every fibre in my body told me not to do it... But that's why Terry had to prove me wrong...

It was an awkward moment when I got off Terry and took my panties off in front of him... Terry removed his boxershorts and got down on his back as I stood in front of him, hesitating once more... I saw the look in his eyes and something just told me that this was the right thing to do... So I got on top of him and positioned myself until I was comfortable... The weight of my body pressed down on his penis and I felt it between my pussy-lips... Looking at his face again made me smile weakly... Because seeing his face made me realize that I wasn't the only one being so nervous about it... 'Not just yet, okay...?' 'Just take your time...'

How come something so right felt so wrong to do...? How did it all came to this...? Why now...? All of these questions ran through my head as I was on top of him... But I didn't found the answer because those questions were not relevant anymore... Fact was, it happened and it took me where I was... And with that in mind, I leaned towards his face, gently pressing my lips against his as I caressed his hair... Feeling him between my legs... I can't say I was turned on by the sheer thought of it... I didn't know if I was even gonna like it... But like everything else, it wasn't determined by the questions I was asking myself but rather on how I felt about it when it happened... Truth was, I didn't know what I was feeling when I gently thrust my pelvic back and forth, rubbing our genitalia against each other... I felt ashamed to let myself go like that, to give in to these feelings I've felt ever since we were together and I didn't know why... I don't know, as if I was degrading and humiliating myself all over again by doing so... And just when I thought that it was the worst thing I ever did for giving in, Terry clenched his arms around my back... His fingers were gently scratching the fur on my back... All I did was looking at him as he just smiled back at me... And maybe that's the reason why I didn't stop... To just see that look on his face... It made me remember what it was all about...

It didn't take long before I brought my face closer to his... And the kisses we shared seemed to be more intimate and passionate than they ever were before... I could see that everything was slowly going into the direction I've always wanted it go... I felt his warm breathe in my neck the longer I was riding him... Slowly, that nervous feeling I felt in my stomach seeped away and felt how the butterflies came back in my stomach instead... I started enjoyed what I was doing, I really did... Not only because it started to feel right but it was also something we both enjoyed... The look that Terry had on his face told me a thousand words... And that's when I realized my night of redemption was here... To reclaim what once belonged to me... The redemption of my dignity...

I can't recall how long I've been at it... But it must've been a while... It certainly felt like that... But I wanted him to be in charge... To delegate the responsibilities, if you will... And also because I started to get a cramp in my left thigh... I caressed Terry's hair as I gave him another kiss... And so, I stopped what I was doing and looked at him instead... 'You feel like going on top of me now...?' 'Hehe...' 'What's wrong, Terry...?' 'N-No, it's just... Yeah, okay... Sure...'

I got off of Terry once more and got on my back while Terry positioned himself in front of me on his knees on the bed... He gently spread my legs and slowly rubbed his penis between my pussy-lips... Terry leaned over and started to kiss me once more... And even though he was so affectionate, I didn't held him close anymore... He gently went back and forth but something told me there was something wrong... As if it didn't go the way it was supposed to go... Nevertheless, I let him... And every once in a while, he stopped for no reason only to continue a moment later... When he stopped for the umpteenth time, I placed my hands on his cheeks and looked him in the eyes... 'What's wrong, baby...?' 'I can't get it up...' 'I feel nervous too, you know...' 'I know but I, uh... Heh...' 'It's okay, Terry...' 'I, uh... This never happened to me before... Uhm...' 'Is there anything I can do...?'

He didn't respond to my question, all he did was to look down even though I expected an answer from him... Terry didn't anticipated the way things were going... I started to get my hopes up but... I understand... For so long, Terry had been waiting... For so long, he wanted to... And now that it was finally going to happen so all of a sudden, Terry didn't know what hit him... I felt sorry for him because I could see in his eyes that he was absolutely embarrassed by it... And I know he wanted it to be special... But Terry was nervous about it as well, maybe even more than I was at the time... And I always thought that Terry was the one who had to make me feel comfortable about it but fact was... I had to make him feel comfortable about it as well... I never thought that guys could be so nervous about these kind of things too... But how was I going to let him know I wanted him to...? To let him know there was no reason to hold himself back anymore...? I realized that it should come from both sides and most of the time, he was the one taking care of me instead... And even though Terry did not respond to my question, I did something I knew he liked, just to let him know... So I placed my feet against his chest, slowly going up and down over his chest fluff... The soft fur of his chest tickled underneath my sole and paw-pads... It felt like touching a thick soft carpet with your bare feet... And I know he likes the feeling of it as well... The moment I did that, Terry looked at my feet as his hands got hold of them... And I slowly moved my feet up to his face... He closed his eyes as he kissed the sole of my foot as his hands were caressing my paw-pads on my other foot... Seeing him playing with my feet felt as if I was watching a kid in a candy store... So many delicious treats yet unable to decide which is better... I made that decision for him instead... I pressed my toes against his lips as I caressed my other foot over his chest again... He paid a lot of attention to all of my four toes by kissing them gently... And then his mouth just opened and I felt how the tip of his tongue touched my paw-pad... 'Hihihihi... It tickles...' 'Hehehe...' 'I just can't get enough of that, you know...' 'Neither can I...'

I've always liked it whenever he was playing with my feet... Especially when he was sucking on my toes... And I honestly fail to see why it was such a turn on for him but I didn't mind whenever he did... I liked the feeling of it... He gently started to lap his tongue up and down over my sole, as if he was grooming it... I wasn't that ticklish, just as long as his tongue wasn't licking between my toes... I wasn't judging Terry for his fetish... Some people think its disgusting to lick someone's feet but hey, so is licking a pussy or sucking a cock if you think logically about... I really liked the feeling of it... It felt good... It always made me laugh... And maybe that's the reason why I liked it so much...

But despite that, I still wasn't holding him close when he started to rub his penis between my legs again... I felt everything that Terry was doing to me and yet I was distant... I was spacing out again... Imagining shadows on the wall of males patiently waiting in line to have a go with me... "Close your eyes then..." That didn't make that uncomfortable feeling go away... And after what seemed to be an eternity, I felt that Terry's hands were caressing my cheeks and hair... I heard his sweet quiet little whispers in my ear, telling me how beautiful I am... How much he longed for me... Giving me these sweet tender kisses in my neck... And I was overwhelmed by it, not sure how to react or what to do... So I did the only thing that came to mind... Just lie still and wait 'till its over...

Terry's intentions were good... That's all they've ever been... But I wasn't realizing it that night... The only thing I thought was that it was going to be worse than it ever was before because I was forcing myself into it... Eventually, I felt that Terry was prodding me gently between my legs and that his tip already got inside of me... 'You okay, babe...?' 'Y-Yeah... I'm fine...'

And with that, he gently pushed through... And I swear, the moment he did, I felt that something snapped down there... It wasn't even half way in but I felt a burning pain down there once more... Going in and out slowly... I tried to suck it up but at some point, it became unbearable for me to let it continue any longer... 'O-Ow...! Stop, stop, it hurts...!' 'You okay...?' 'No...! Pffff...' 'Does it always hurt when you, uh...' 'Yeah, it does...' 'Hmm... Don't dildo's usually come with some kind of lubricant...?' 'Yeah, I got a small bottle...' 'Did you ever tried to use that...?' 'I did but it didn't really seem to make a difference...' 'You feel like trying it out to see if it does...?' 'Yeah, okay...' 'Where is it...?' 'I'll go get it...'

And with that, Terry got off of me... And I went to my wardrobe to get that little bottle of lube... Once I got it out of its package, I stared at it as if it were some kind of painkillers... I certainly wanted to believe that... "I've used it before, how the hell would this be any different...?" I showed Terry the bottle as I walked back to him... And when I got down on my bed again, he gently spread my legs and squirted a good amount of lube on my pussy... I gasped when he did because it felt so cold... And then he just slowly started to massage my pussy... 'That stuff is so cold...!' 'It'll be warm in a minute... How many times have you tried it...?' 'Uhm... A lot...' 'You used lube every time you tried to?' 'Yup...' 'This bottle looks as if its hardly ever used...' 'I only use a small amount...' 'What, seriously?' 'Yeah...' 'That's not gonna work, you know... Don't be too greedy on the lube.' 'Uh...' 'Don't tell me you're only using a few drops...' '... Is that the reason why it hurts every time I tried to...?' 'Most likely, yeah...' 'Uhm...'

Well, I can honesty say I was quite embarrassed by that... He seemed to know a lot more about it than I did and he didn't even used a dildo... So yeah, you can imagine the look on my face and well, Terry was just chuckling quietly as he continued with what he was doing... The longer he massaged my pussy, the warmer it seemed to get... It was also very tingly and the feeling of it felt nice... I had a good look on his "little friend" and well... He still wasn't fully awake... Terry noticed I was watching that and he bit his upper-lip... 'You still got trouble getting it up...?' 'He seems reluctant... I honestly don't see why...' 'Maybe... Maybe I can do something... Squirt some of that stuff on my feet...'

I think Terry already knew what I was aiming for and he couldn't help but to smile at me... So he did and squirted some of that stuff on my feet... He continued to massage my pussy as he was in front of me while my feet gently touched the shaft of his penis... Wiggling my toes against his fuzzy testicles... Stroking his shaft with my feet... And by doing so, applying lube all over his penis... But it became rather slippery and well, had a lot of trouble giving him a proper foot-job... But Terry had the answer to that... He held my feet instead and slowly started to thrust his pelvic back and forth... It was so cute to see him having so much fun with my feet... Seeing as he had his hands full, someone else had to massage my pussy, just to keep that warm and tingly feeling I felt down there... It surprised me how slick it started to get...

I felt Terry's penis getting so erect between my feet... It became as hard as a rock and when he stopped at some point, I moved my feet away and saw how his penis was pointing at me... Terry looked at me and I bit my upper lip once more, knowing what would happen next... He positioned himself on top of me again as he spread my legs further apart and rested his head on my shoulders... But nevertheless, I couldn't help but to feel scared when he did... 'T-Terry...?' 'Yeah...' 'Just... G-Go easy on me, okay...?' 'Sure thing...'

When I felt him prodding me between my legs again, my mind stayed blank... Terry rubbed it up and down just to find it... And when he did found that tight little hole of mine, he gently pushed through which caused me to gasp... And then he pushed it, all the way down slowly... It didn't hurt nearly as bad as it used to be due to the lube we used... It took my breathe away... It caught me completely by surprise and because of that, I was tripping again... But Terry saw that once more... He kissed me passionately on the lips and whispered sweet little things in my ear again... And at that point, I didn't know what I was starting to feel... To whether or not enjoy what he did... I had my eyes open when he whispered... And despite all of his little kisses and sweet quiet whispers in my ear, I was distant... My hands were on the bed, clenching the bed-sheets as I bit my upper-lip... My mind was absolutely blank when he was gently going in and out of me... His hands moved down to my breasts and I felt how he was slowly caressing my erect nipples... Every once in a while, he stopped to give them a good lick... My heart was pounding in my throat by seeing everything happening in front of me... Eventually, his fingers were going down to caress my clitoris as he continued going in and out slowly... Each and every time he got a little deeper, there was something that really made me feel so... so relaxed and so... soothed... It started to feel whenever I was fingering myself, which I've always enjoyed... Except this was a pretty big finger that went inside of me this time and it wasn't mine... I got reminded of that when Terry started to huff in my neck and went in and out a little faster than before... But I was still distant nonetheless... Despite the fact that it started to feel good, I was still distant for still not fully giving in to it... And even though my breathing was quiet and irregular, I still felt as if I couldn't enjoy it the way I wanted to...

My eyes were open this whole time... And the longer we were at it, the more I felt the urge think... Perhaps I was expecting something that wasn't meant to be... Or maybe my definition of intimacy wasn't the way it was supposed to go... Or perhaps I still felt ashamed to give in to these feelings... But then Terry started to whisper in my ear again... Giving me so many reasons why he loves me so much... Why he wanted to be with me... How much this moment meant to him... He looked me in the eyes as he stopped with what he was doing... And while I was staring back in those light blue eyes of his, I felt the butterflies going through my stomach once more... I kissed him in the only way I knew... Gently touching my tongue against his lips... It felt so nice when he kissed me back like that... Sharing a kiss like that seems so much more passionate and intimate than just pressing your lips against each other... And just like that, everything just seemed to float away... All the worries, all the doubts... All the fears I had... Just a look in his eyes was the only thing I needed to give in... Because I no longer saw a reason to feel ashamed about these feelings I felt... Just as long as it was with Terry... 'Place your feet over my shoulders, babe...' 'Hm...? I just started to enjoy it like this...' 'Whaha, what, just now?' 'Yes...'

Nevertheless, I did what he asked me to do... I placed my feet against his shoulders and it wasn't until then I realized why he asked me to... His hands held on to my feet as he started to kiss them again... Paying a lot of attention to every toe... It tickled whenever he was sucking on of them or whenever he was licking in between... But it felt very nice... I thought that guys weren't able to multi-task... Seeing and feeling how he went in and out of me and how he was paying attention to my feet was a wonderful thing and I couldn't help but to smile when I saw him so caught up with that... And at some point, he leaned towards me while my legs were still over his shoulders... I'm quite flexible so I didn't had any problems with this position... I found out why he wanted it like this... He was able to penetrate me deeper like that... All this time, my breathing was quiet and irregular... But after a few good gentle thrusts, that quickly changed... Everything started to feel more intense than ever before... So I closed my eyes and let all of these wonderful feelings take me over... To feel that I'm drifting away... It's an intense pleasure that I've never felt before... I closed my eyes and felt how my fingers hesitated to clench on Terry's back the longer that intense feeling was exploding all over my body like that... And even though it was the most pleasurable feeling I could ever imagine, it was exhausting trying to keep up... Soft quiet little squeaks of pleasure turned into gasps and moans... And that point, Terry only went in and out faster but slowed down after a while... Terry had no reason to hold himself back anymore... And I also whispered that to him in his ear... At some point, it became inevitable that either one of us reached our climax... And I let him... He reached his climax inside of me... Terry rested his head on my shoulder once more as I heard how he was breathing heavily... I closed my eyes and smiled as I caressed his hair while the two of us were catching our breaths again... It took a while but when we finally did, the whispers started again... 'Oh man...' 'I'm sorry, Terry...' 'Sorry for what...?' 'To keep you waiting for so long...' 'Heh... It was worth the wait...' 'Was it everything you expected it to be...?' 'Even better...' 'Same here...'

I kissed Terry on the cheek and gave him a firm cuddle afterwards while I closed my eyes... Feeling how I was drifting away in the most relaxing sleep I've ever had in his arms...

That night, when it finally happened, I felt as if I was in a dream I cherished long ago and forgot as time went by... But it wasn't a dream anymore... I was living it... Everything was real... That fantasy I cherished became real... All of it came true that night... To be intimate with Terry in a way I never thought would be possible... I felt it in everything we did... Everything I ever wanted to feel... To be able to hold Terry close in a passionate embrace was something I never dared to dream of... But it finally happened... I always thought I had to explain it in a way someone understands... But fact was, I didn't owe anyone an explanation... I just like to think that I was finally ready that night... What made it so great was all of the affectionate gestures that Terry was giving me... For so many years, I longed for someone who'd share the same passionate feelings... Someone who loves me and wasn't afraid to show that to me... I often felt dirty and ashamed for the things that happened in the past... I felt as if I was some kind of a whore... Being so humiliated for everything that happened... A fuck-toy, if you will, only to exist to please others... But Terry made me feel like a person that night... A person with dignity to cherish and to love... Terry made me feel like a woman that night... I felt as if he restored something of myself that I lost long ago... And what the two of us had was real... I can honestly say that it was one of most erotic, most sensual and the most passionate nights of my life... It really did made all the trouble worthwhile in the end... All it took was another nudge in the right direction... And it made me realize something... Even the most impulsive behaviours can turn things around for you... Because doing so made the night of my redemption everything I ever dared to dream of...