FSE

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The buzzer on my alarm broke me into a staggering wake, I hated the fuckin thing. I'd smash it if my parents would not be retarded over the fuckin thing. Why the fuck do I even need it? School's already drilling this time into my head, why the fuck do I need a fuckin alarm clock? I rose from my warm comfortable bed and went into the bath room. My pitch black fur was all messy and the neon green fur on my chest, thighs, feet, hands, tail, head and ears were the same way. God, being a wolf was so un-original, thank god I dyed my fur and had saber-cat like teeth. I loved them. I felt like I just got fluffed up with a fuckin towel. I turned on the shower, hopped into the warm water and let it soak me. It felt amazing on my fur and skin. I closed my eyes and wished that I had a boyfriend, I wanted one so bad. I guess some people are just not meant to find love. I started to rub my cock, it dawned on me then that I was indeed rubbing my cock in the shower. I shrugged, being seventeen and jacking off in the shower is normal. So I paid it no heed, my cock grew in my paw and I worked it for about a half hour and finally kicked my spunk down the drain. I went down stairs and passed my mother and father as I left to catch the bus for school. The chains on my black Tripp pants were clanking as I walked, my boots padded the ground heavily. My black and blue Boondox shirt stuck to my damp fur and my black hatchet-man bounced against my chest as I walked. I pulled my purple bandanna from my pocket and tied it ninja style around my head, I always did it because I found it extremely comfortable. I pushed my safety glasses onto my head, so I would not lose them. I was in a trade school, I was learning Masonry and was quite content with it. I wrote stories in my free time and smoked cigarettes and tons of reefer. Today was a shop day, it was Friday. Last day of shop, then I'd go to the mall after school and hang out with the other Juggalos. The bus showed up at the usual time, I got on and sat where I usually sit. Middle of the bus, left side.

I got to school and went through the front doors, went into the cafe and sat down. I put my face in my paws and sighed, dreading that I didn't have a cute boy to sit next to. I longed to kiss his sweet lips, his arms wrapped around me, dropping to my knees an- Okay, blocking out the thoughts. I pushed my longish green hair out of my eyes and stared into space, tears welling in my eyes. I choked on my breath in shock, a very cute fox walked into the cafe. He was snow white. I have not seen him before but I wanted to see more. I turned my head to get his every feature. He had long black hair, he was my size, skinny but toned. He had on black jeans and sneakers. He obviously had no idea where the fuck he was going. Now is my chance I thought. I stood.

"Hey, emo!" He turned and I saw his cute face, he had lovely brown eyes and sweet looking lips. I imagined those lips doing other things. I shook the thought out of my head. He walked over.

"It's scene. Not emo." "Whatever. You're new here." "Yeah, just came in, I have no idea where I'm going." "Well. If you want I could guide you around today. make sure you know the school and stuff." "That'd be great, by the way my name's Gunther, you?" I took his awaiting paw, god it was so warm and soft. "Shadoh." "What an odd name." "It's what I go by Gunther." He shrugged. "Fair enough, mind if I sit?" "Not at all." I just remembered that I had my rainbow bracelet on my wrist. I started to blush. He looked at me and laughed. "A gay Juggalo. I never thought I'd see one." I shrugged. "Well, now you have." I blushed terribly. He grabbed my paw and smiled the most sweetest smile I had ever seen. "It's okay, I think you're cute too." I folded my ears back and whimpered. "Thanks..." He stood and rolled his shoulders, turned around and spoke over his shoulder. "Well I have to go to the Dean's first. So lead the way." He started to walk and I stared at his ass, the most amazing thing in the world. I wanted to grab it so bad. We got to the Dean and he checked in, from there everything else was a breeze. The bell rang and he was out the door before me, I ran to catch up to him.

"Hey Gunther." "Yeah Shadoh?" "I know I just met you today but-" "Yes hon, I will." He slipped a piece of paper in my paw and kissed my cheek. I grew hot in my cheeks and ears. He walked away, making sure his tail teased me as he went. I got onto the bus and went home.

I got through the door and was bombarded by my mom. "Oh my sweetie! You're boyfriend is in the other room." "I- wait what?" "He's in the other room, go to him hon." Sure enough when I went into the other room I found Gunther laying on the couch. "Hey hon, you're mom is very nice, she let me wait for you. Now how about a date." I choked. "A date?" I nearly screamed in delight. "We are going out aren't we?" I nodded. "So, anywhere you wanna go." "Ice cream" It was a I could manage to say. He smiled. "Sure you lead the way." I went into the other room and told my mom that we were going out. She was cool with it so we left. We went to a small ice cream place down the street. I got the thing with the most chocolate, he got something strawberry with chocolate. We sat across from each other and ate while staring into each other's eyes. His deep brown eyes were too much for me, tears started to well in my blue's. He looked at me. "You okay Shadoh?" "Yeah, you're just so fuckin cute." He giggled. "I've never made a guy cry over something like that before." I needed to take the risk. I wanted to. I leaned over and pecked him on the lips. He blushed very red and his ears went back. I looked down at ice cream and stayed silent. The silence felt like it went on forever. He broke it with a soft whisper. "Honestly Shadoh, once I laid eyes on you my heart longed for this." I stayed looking at my ice cream, every word hung over me like a bomb. "You're just so sweet and cute, very shy. But cute and sweet all the same." I lost it, I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him into a kiss, his lips felt so tender and soft against mine, I licked his lips and pushed my tongue against them, begging for entry. He allowed and I started to explore his mouth with my tongue to his enticing moans of pleasure. I parted from the kiss and he looked like someone had just kicked him. "Why'd you stop Shad?" "Shad?" "Well, you need a nickname now that we're dating." I shrugged. "Okay, Gunny." He grinned, stood up and pulled me outside of the little ice cream shop. The night sky was pitch black and the moon was full and white. He wrapped his arms around me, closed his eyes and kissed me. It was not a kiss like before, full of want and tongue. But a kiss of sweetness, professing the love for each other. I moaned into his lips as he traced my spine with his paws, he giggled into the kiss, reached down with both paws and cupped my cheeks. I blushed violently and kept kissing him. Fireworks were going off in my head, my heart was racing. He was the only thing that was in my world at that moment. I wanted him and nobody else. I wanted to love him and nobody else. The three words that I was scared to say just blurted out of my mouth, distorted and choked on from the kiss. But I think he made them out clear enough. "I love you." At that moment he gave my cheeks a harder squeeze and kissed me harder, turning me on so much and sending me over the edge. My cock grew in my boxers and went against his crotch. He noticed and pulled away. Please don't go away, not because of this. Please anything but that. Don't leave! He smiled at me. "Seems that you have a problem, I'd love to help but I have to get home, I'll see you tomorrow Shad." With that he turned and left. Tears started to well up in my eyes and flowed like rivers. I started to choke on my breath and felt like an idiot. I had fucked up. I had fucked everything up. I love him so much, I don't want him to leave me on our first date. But he was turning me on, didn't he know that? Or was he just using me for a quick pick up and dump? I didn't want to think about it. I went through the door and into my house. My mom saw my tears and didn't say anything. She just moved out of my way and let me go upstairs and into my room. I shut the blinds in my room, making it pitch black. I stripped naked and went into bed for the night, I cuddled my pillow and cried myself to sleep. I had to see him again tomorrow. I sobbed harder as all the possible bad outcomes came into my head and filled my dreams. Tomorrow may be the worst day of my pathetic life.....

It was a Saturday, some people may ask, why have school on a fuckin Saturday? I don't give a shit, it's the way it is. It's a two hour day which is cool as shit though! I got up from bed, slow and questioningly. The thought of having to face Gunther loomed in my skull. I went through my normal routine, shower, dress and out the door. I got on the bus and put in my Ipod. I switched it to play and closed my eyes as 12 by Insane Clown Posse came into my ears. It was soothing sound, just helping me release my frustration of the up coming day. I still dreaded anyways, nothing would stop that. I got off the bus and went into school, every step felt uncertain. I felt like an alien, something unknown to the world. I saw Gunther out the corner of my eye and took and left and went into the bathroom. I pissed and went out into the hallway. I leaned against the wall with my eyes shut. I was just starting to get settled in and getting my certainty back- WHAM! Corey had shouldered me. "Fucking pussy ass fag." I whipped around, pulling out my ipod, putting it all jumbled into my pocket in one fluid motion. I had been waiting for him to do something like this for awhile. Corey was a jock, goalie for our school's hockey team. Well known and also a drunkard. The muscular cheetah had started to laugh at me with all his retard ass friends. Fuckin jocks. I clenched a paw and walked up to him, pushing my way through his little cronies. Mind you, they were bigger than me but that doesn't mean jack shit. It was me and Corey now, circled by onlookers, actually. Half the school. His smile of victory turned into a frown of disbelief. He turned and called to the crowd, his arms stretched wide. "The fag comes to suck my dick, see how fast he came over?!" I was filling with adrenaline as my anger rose, my tail twitching awkwardly. The crowd started to murmur then went into an uproar, chanting. "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" Corey beamed at the crowd, fuckin glory hound. "I shall not deny my fans a good show!" I started to chuckle to himself, shaking my head. He rolled his shoulders and made fists. He smiled at me, expecting everyone to be watching. He spoke mockingly. "Come at me pussy." "Fuck you man." The crowd went into a loud gasp, really what was this shit, TV? Fuckin retards. "Excuse me, I couldn't hear that past the cock in your mouth." Another gasp. I hit the fuckin roof. I walked forward, he lunged forward and threw a left hook. I pushed his arm down and my heavy right paw connected with his teeth, I felt three get dislodged and were replaced by empty spaces. As I finished my swing I smashed my elbow into his temple, dropping him to the floor. A small blood pool followed right after his head hit the tile floor. Murmurs started uprooting again, I went forward and grabbed the collar of his now blood stained white jersey. "If you ever do that again and challenge me in front of half the school, you won't be losing just your teeth." I let go and he hit the floor with a thud. The Dean was making his way through the crowd, stopping and seeing Corey on the floor, missing three teeth and me standing above him. He muttered under his breath. "Oh dear lord." He then spoke louder, so he could be heard by all. "Everyone leave, Shadoh, in my office. Corey, to the Nurse." Everyone left the dean looked at me. "I hope you have good reason for laying out the varsity hockey goalie." "I do, he was calling me homo phobic slurs, plus he challenged me in front of that crowd and swung first." He sighed as I pulled out my phone. "What are you-" "Going home, I'm suspended, so why not make it easier on everyone?" "Alright, two day suspension." I shrugged. "Alright." I walked through the doors, as my mom drove up and I got into the car. "What happened dear?" "Corey called me a fag, wanted to fight me and he lost, simple." "I mean last night too." "Oh, well. Gunther and I kissed, mom I really do love him. He just seems like he doesn't want to be with me, I think he's using me." She kissed my forehead. "It's okay dear, we're almost home. I left some candy on your desk for you." "Shit mom, you really know how cheer me up." "Language mister!" "Sorry mom." She pulled into the driveway as my phone went off. I looked at it and sighed sadly. It was Gunther. Saturday, 10:36, 21st of November: "Srry bb, i cnt go out wth som1 tht brutal, ur a fcking savage. Buh bye." My tears started. My mom looked at me, and I pushed my phone under her nose so she could read it. She sighed and reached over to hug me. I shrugged her off. "I don't need a hug, I needa go out." "Where?" "The mall."

I smelled the stench of Juggalos as I went through the mall doors and outside the food court. Cigarette and pot smoke filled my nostrils. I got insanely happy and started walking towards my homies. I cupped my muzzle with my paws and burst out, loud enough for everyone's head turn, including all onlookers. "Whoop whoop!" I got a greet back, louder than me, which was a hard thing to do. "Whoop whoop!" I walked up and started giving homies dabs and greetings. But my smile was gone, replaced by a solemn frown, my eyes always looking on the brink of tears. We walked into the mall and went up stairs into the food court. We sat down around a few table pulled together to make a much bigger one. Mary and Jane sat next to me and to my direct front was the head, the big dog. Legit though, he was six foot and 3 inches and weighed 256 pounds. Motherfucker was massive, everyone sort of treated him like the boss, like a father almost. His name was Darren, he was a bulldog, pure white and had chocolate brown eyes. Mary was a puma, light tan fur, ringed with splotches of brown and black, fair sized bust and green eyes. Jane was a cat, a very trimmed black and white cat with bright blue eyes. Both Mary and Jane were good friends, like family. Even past the hatchet, they had started taking an interest in my mood and kept shooting me odd glances and soon Darren was doing so also. Will spoke up first though. Will was a very slender, but toned tiger. He was in MMA and nobody bothered him because of it, under the shell MMA had made he was a good guy to the heart, very respectful and quite smart.

"Yo Shadoh, what's up with the tears man. You alright?" I had not even noticed that I was crying, or that my knees were against my chest and I was hugging them. I had been so into what everyone else was doing that I had lost my own train of thought. Everyone stopped talking and looked at me worried. Will kept speaking. "Shadoh, you're a tough guy to break. What is wrong?" I could not answer, I felt childish for it, I felt weak, I felt guilty and I felt used. I shook my head and just sobbed into my knees, everyone was getting unsettled. Jane and Mary were patting my back and telling me to cheer up, others were telling me that whoever is making me like this is going to be eating dirt. I just kept sobbing, not even noticing that my friend from school, Matt was next to me. I heard his voice. "Gunther is here and he wants to talk." I got wide eyed, the fur on my neck stood on end, my ears perked up, my tail started to twitch and my scent changed into a heavy waff of strawberries and fear. Ever single person around the table watched Gunther as he walked up, drabbed in blue jeans and a purple tee with a black hat backwards and sneakers he approached. Finally but surely he came up to me. "Hey Shadoh, can we talk privately?" I looked up, he smelled my scent and his face went from shy to blank, my courage coming back to me and not faltering for a change. I looked at him. "Anything you can say to me, you can say in front of my family." The whole fam went silent and waited for Gunther to speak. "I heard that you think I used you, truth is. I did, I want to sleep with you that night but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not after how I knew how you really felt about me. I would have felt like shit. I can't go out with you because I'm straight. I just wanted to tell you, to forget about me and move on." I lost control of my emotions, my tears started to run like rivers and I sniffled twice before I responded. "Why? Why use me?" "Because I was horny and needed something to please me." "So you choose someone that actually had a heart for you?" "Yes. Now fuck off and forget about me." I stood and stood to him, eyes to eye. My anger rising and my sadness enveloping me like the sun does to a flower in the day. "I would hit you but I can't." He smiled. "Allow me to change that, you fucking fag." I felt his paw slap against my cheek, my cheek stung from where he struck. What hurt most was my heart, I felt as if he had just stabbed it. Will and Darren started to rise from their seats, I held a paw. They sat back down. Will and Darren both looked uneasy. "Gunther, I'd leave." Darren said in a mono-toned voice. Gunther did so, I watched him go. Saddened by it. But happy because I had found out the truth. I slumped back into my seat and shrugged. "Life goes on." Everyone kept bothering me all night, even between passes of the bowl. They'd give me. "Are you alright." "You need to talk I'm here." "I'll kick his ass for you." "You'll find someone man." I shrugged everything off. The weight of what just happened, slammed me like a sledge hammer to the legs. I just stayed silent, not wanting anymore attention. I lit a Cigarette and smoked quietly, the smoke filling my lungs and soothing my pain. It calmed me down a bit. The high did absolutely nothing.

The night ended with even more drama. Three fights and two screaming escapades. I went home and laid down, my heart screaming for comfort that I could not give. All I could do is suffer through it all. My tears started to flow again. Why was I being such a pussy? I was a rock, never meant to crack. Never meant to weaken. I was very depressed. I went into my desk and pulled out my knife. I sat on my bed with my knife in my tighten paw. I threw the knife into the wall, sticking it in deep as I screamed and kept crying. "Why?!" I curled into a ball and cried the night away. Nothing more to say besides that I stayed home all of the next week. I could not deal with my pain. I called up Jane. "Whoop whoop." "Whoop whoop." "Hey Jane?" "Yeah?" "You think you and Mary would dye my fur for me, my mom says it's okay." "Hell yeah. Come on over, I was just dying her hair earlier."

I went over, every color of the rainbow was on the dining room table. We three exchanged hugs and they both looked at me, obviously seeing that I did not want to talk about last week's adventure. Jane smiled at me warmly. "What color do you want dear?" She looked at my black and green fur, interested for the first time. I sighed. "I want the green to be pink, the actual hair on my head to be a brighter pink. Can ya do it?" Her and Mary smiled and agreed. The next few hours were hell. Washing and drying, more washing, combing and other retarded shit. Her and Mary let me do my legs, crotch and ass myself. Thank god. Three hours had passed and the transformation was done. I was now black and pink with hot pink hair. I hugged the both of them. "Thank you, so much." They exchanged looks. "Why pink?" "Cause I've always liked pink. I find it a warm and fuzzy color." "That it is dear." "Yeah it is!" Jane and Mary always managed to cheer me up. Every time I was feeling like shit, I'd talk to them. They were amazing girls. Amazing friends too. I couldn't want anything more, besides a cute boy at least. We stayed at Jane's house, talked, smoked, laughed and just hung out. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a real person. Not some alien. Jane tossed me some Faygo bottles and I accepted them with glee. "Thank you!" I squeaked intentionally. Everyone knew how much I loved my Faygo. Jane and Mary swore that they'd find a boyfriend for me. I tried to argue but gave up in the end. Nightfall came and I went home. Went to my room, most of the time I was home alone, parents worked all the time. They stilled loved me and were great parents, that's all that matters. I fell into a surprisingly pleasant dream, Faygo, Cheez its and other assortments of wonderful tastes and food. For the time, I was happy. I didn't even notice the gaping hole in my heart. My life was good and I enjoyed it the way it was. Sleep overtook me and I was awaiting the next day with massive energy and giddiness.

Daylight poured into my room, golden like a newly poured beer. I opened my eyes, got up, stretched and showered. I went down the stairs and grabbed a bar of candy from the table. I open the door and started eating it on my way out. I had forgot that today was Sunday, I ended up going back to my place and started calling friends. All my afflictions started racing through my head. The whole week had been some kind of fucked up emo train ride. I wasn't quite sure where I was going or why. I turned on the TV and flicked through a couple of channels before I started to feel groggy and doze off.

My eyes awoke to my father standing above me. Very angry looking and upset.

"What have you done to yourself?!"

Indicating my change of fur color to be more flaming.

"Mom said it was okay."

He snorted, walked away and I didn't seem him from there on out. My mother sat next to me.

"Hon?" "Yeah mom?" "Would you...Well I was thinking..." "Just spit it out mom." "Would you want me to drop you off at a gay cafe or something?"

I was shocked. I started to blush, feeling quite embarrassed and unsteady in my thoughts. I shrugged.

"Sure, mom. Friday will do." "I thought you went to the mall on Friday?" "Not this Friday. I'm going to meet gays."

She smiled and patted my head.

"At least you're getting charge and being okay with some outside help."

I shrugged.