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We had progressed past the strip part of the poker game, and were just getting started on the penalties (Chuck and Lily still had a few threads on, but the rest of us were bare). If we'd picked different seating arrangements, we'd have probably skipped this part and moved on to the general sexy times; but we were each opposite our date, girls in chairs and guys on the bed. Sexy fun times would not be had until we'd gotten to heavier challenges than the tame stuff we were doing so far.

And then it happened. James and I were left in, with a pot big enough to require a challenge if we went any further. I had nothing worth mentioning showing (cardwise - I'm not too bad, physically), but my three cards in the hole completed a flush in spades. James was showing three sixes, and I had the other six in the hole.

"Omar - fold? Call?"

"I'm so raising. But what sort of raise to we do now?" I glanced to my left and raised an eyebrow.

James lay back on the bed and thought, his cards on the table. "Well, yeah. Hmm. That's the thing, isn't it?"

"Don't worry, no pressure on you to change your Kinsey number." James wasn't exactly homophobic, but he had been clear he wasn't interested. And I was only a 1 - basically a guy's only chance at me was at a mixed party like this - so it wasn't exactly a big sacrifice to take that off the table.

"Thanks. Well, we could do regular embarrassing penalties."

"We're already naked, man, and no one really wants us to do anything gross, right?"

Candice and Shabna nodded vigorously.

James smirked. "Loser writes a My Little Pony fanfic."

"That's all? I'll see that and raise you having to post it on your blog." Now, this wasn't strictly fair to him as his blog got around ten times my hits and was quasi-professional.

So when he promptly replied, "Raise you it has to be author-insert. You have to be a main character. And you don't get to insert any of the others of us or our families. No sharing the humiliation." I was a little concerned. He'd pushed that three-of-a-kind a lot further than he normally would. Of course, he could be bluffing a full house. And on the other hand, he didn't even reasonably have any concerns. I looked like I was holding garbage. That relieved me a bit. I was the one with the hand stronger than it looked. But James was getting to know me and the tells in my poker face.

I cautiously added, "Raise you no irony. No postmodernism. Has to be very serious fic."

"I wouldn't have dreamed of it. I'll raise you the author insert has to be human."

"Boo, but it's your shame. I see we're altogether too comfortable about this, so I'll raise you that you have to have sex with one of the ponies."

He frowned while the rest of the circle burst out laughing. Once things had quitened down, he said, "Neither of our blogs would take that well. I'd just be humiliated, but you'd probably be taken down."

Oops. "You don't need to go hardcore on the blog. Getting married is sufficient, or heavy implication. So long as the hardcore version exists somewhere, and each of us gets the opportunity to read it without anyone knowing whether we actually did." That last part got a titter from Shabna.

Mollified, he said, "Okay. So, I'll see that, and raise you... you have to use only gen 1 ponies. No, scratch that. Gen 3.5 ponies."

"What?"

"The characters from the last, horrible series, that made Gen 1 look amazing. No crossovers, no fusion timelines. There is no Celestia, no nobody. Nopony."

I folded.

"Remember, it's got to be serious!" James admonished.

"It'll be so serious it'll be a type A star and imprisoned in Azkaban."

"That assurance did not exactly inspire confidence, Omar."

"Trust me."

Anyway, the rest of the party was awesome to experience but boring to read about, so I'll move on to the fanfic.

The most embarrassing part of the result was doing some research in the children's section of the local library, and being totally unable to explain just why I was looking for what I was looking for.

~~~~

I ran my hand through my short wiry hair in exasperation. "If this plaque is yet another telling us how the rhinoceroces are really your best friends but that wicked witch Macidexia was just mind-controlling general Rataxes, or about that so-called battle that was barely a glorified duel but more like a three stooges routine, or anything else named after queen Celeste, or another sculpture of king Babar - I'm going to scream."

Pierre unrolled his trunk to gesture to the multilingual plaque. For a tour guide, he was very ready to let the metal do the talking.

I read aloud: "The Blue Valley. Stories are told that when the mists fall and the light strikes just so, going through this pass will bring you to the Blue Valley, where you will make new friends and have strange adventures. Over the centuries, dozens of young elephants have had extraordinary journeys there." There was a picture of a little elephant in a dress hang-gliding with a camel. I looked up. "Well, that's different. And it is a foggy day. And the light is doing some funny things." The jungle up-hill definitely looked the most... wild of anything I'd seen.

I was only half-joking. Why not try my hand at crossing another mystical barrier, this time to a place that's legendary instead of merely weird and off-the-beaten-path? For all that it's a magical land, the Kingdom of the Elephants... well, I have freaking internet access back at my hotel in Celesteville. Even if the rhinoceroses and monkeys don't have direct contact with us like we do with the elephants, they're picking up civilization by magical osmosis, to the extent that Grandma's place back in Algeria was more enchanting than this tourist trap, even if the animals couldn't talk.

Pierre didn't seem too concerned. "Off path? Cinquante francs."

"Fifty francs? Y.G.B.F.K.M.!" I looked up the hill. It was steep, but far from unclimbable without equipment. "You just stay here, then, and I'll be back when I find I didn't disappear into a fairy-tale, all right?"

Pierre rolled his eyes. I wasn't terribly impressed with what I was getting for the extra dough I'd shelled out. A rerun of the boring group tour from yesterday, and his supposedly superb English reverted to French half the time. Turning my back on him, I started up-hill to the pass. At the top, I called back, joking, "Oh, God, it's full of stars!" and continued down the other side.

The jungle thinned as the fog thickened. Looking up, I saw concentric rainbows bracketing the occluded sun. "Sweet. Worth the trip already." I just stood there and took it in for a minute before continuing. I'd seen sun-side rainbow fragments before, but never so completely. Then, recalling those, I realized that these were not merely complete but at a much shallower angle, and more color-saturated than any rainbow I'd ever seen. This was simply not natural. I stopped and turned around, suddenly thinking that maybe getting into a fairy tale wasn't the best use of my time after all, and camels are very stinky animals, even the sapient ones, and I was afraid of heights so if it involved hang-gliding they could count me out.

I made it as far as the pass. I'd been sure I wouldn't be able to find it. But I had. I took ten deep breaths, thinking of what I'd think of myself if I left. Thinking, I muttered, "One road diverged in a green jungle, and, sorry we hadn't gone all post-positive-singularity so I could simultaneously take as many roads as I wanted..." I mentally apologized to Robert Frost, turned around, and went back in.

I descended below the fog layer, and found myself in a river-valley nestled among steep mountains. I felt it was important to find out whether this was actually the legendary Blue Valley. If it was, it'd probably use bizarro-geometry a bit like the Kingdom of the Elephants' borders with France, Mediterranean Africa, and sub-Saharan Africa. So I aimed for a cleft to my left that looked most like it'd have a pass leading out. If I came out near where I'd gone in, this was just a pretty place with a bit of glamour built in, that sometimes was the Blue Valley, but not right now.

I found the pass I'd expected. As I descended, the air gradually cleared, and I could see a broader horizon once again.

"Ho-ly shit." This was not the Kingdom of the Elephants. Steep mountains, not much in the way of civilization... except... Is that a road of some sort? All right.

Could be another exit from the Kingdom of the Elephants. Perhaps Switzerland? I've never been there. These mountains are steep enough to have to be young. The Andes, maybe? The plants still look western, so I doubt it's the Himalayas.

But something told me that this wasn't simply an exit, for all that the mists had faded; this was deeper into the Blue Valley. Or beyond it altogether, I supposed. Not a point on Earth, not even in the manner of the kingdom of the Elephants that liked to squeeze in to a variety of places at different times seemingly at random. Simply... somewhere else altogether. Pierre could sit and wait all day for all I cared. This was big.

I checked my breast pocket for supplies - a granola bar and half a dozen of grandma's mini-helouwa. It'd do for a reasonable jaunt.

So I set out for the road, wondering where I might be. Once I was a decent distance off, I turned around to note where the entrance back to the Blue Valley was. A rock outcropping with three funny points was not too far off. Knowing that would at least improve my chances of making it back to the mists. To be sure, I took a snapshot.

Coming down the hillside, I made it to the road running along the side of the stream. To my surprise, it was no mere track, but a railroad. Randomly picking left, I followed it and the stream. The ground was beaten flat with hoof-marks.

I really should have guessed that horse people lived here. You could blame any number of factors, but in this case, it was sheer anthropic bias. I thought, against all evidence, that if you went deep enough, it'd come down to people being human.

So when I saw a pink pony stotting along, I thought, "Tequila, cranberry, apple juice, soda" instead of "Take me to your leader." But then she saw me, screamed, and ran away.

I am very lucky that her scream was so anthropomorphic that it dispelled my idiocy, for I could easily have interpreted all of the other ponies I saw in the distance as wild (if oddly colored) or domestic. But it was, and so I didn't, and so when I saw her returning with a relatively ordinary-looking yellow pony in a hat, I was prepared. Actually, the hat probably would have done it. "Bonjour."

A confused look. If they spoke Arabic, I was in a little trouble, but I could at least get out, "Salaam." Crap."Bon giorno!"

The hat-wearing pony turned to her companion and said, "You don't understand him either, do you?"

I blurted out, "You speak English?"

"If'n what we're speaking is what you call English, then yes, we do. Welcome to Ponyville. I'm Applejack, this is Pinkie Pie."

"And whaaat are you?" Pinkie asked, followed by a torrent of questions I couldn't even all register, except for "Where did you come from?" and "Were you taking Applejack's apples?" The questions abruptly stopped, and she paused right in front of me. She reared up on her hind legs - putting her face level with my own - and gave me the evil eye. "Well?"

Applejack coughed. "Pinkie... get down." Pinkie backed off nonchalantly.

Finally given the space, I answered, "My name is Omar. My kind are the humans. I didn't take any apples. I came via the Blue Valley. Do you know it?" These ponies are pretty damn little, only human height on rear legs. And the shape is off, especially in the head. An offshoot of Merychippus or something?

Applejack considered. "No."

"Well, it could be called something else, here. Anyway, I was just exploring. May I take a look around?"

"Why certainly! We can take you into town." Perking her ears, she sniffed and caught something on the wind. "Oh, shoot. Pie's burnin'. See y'all later!"

It was only as she turned to go that I noticed the tri-apple mark on her flank, and in turn the tri-ballon mark on Pinkie's. Oddly enough, she nearly ignored me as she stotted into town. The townsfolk were somewhat alarmed by me, and only when a blue streak swooshed down and skidded to a halt right in front of me did anyone say anything. A blue pony with wings, and rainbow mane and tail. I was beginning to think things could not get weirder. If only it had been so.

"Huh." That was both of us. "You're..." That was also both of us. I let her go first, and she did. "So, they weren't kidding." She looked over her shoulder. "Oh come on, ya cowards!" She turned back to me and took off again, hovering at my eye level. "You're bigger, but not stronger."

I shrugged, really not intent on picking fights with a pony, let alone one who could fly. "Okay. I'm not counting on being stronger. Just exploring."

At that, a bespectacled pony approached. "Good day, and welcome, our most... unusual guest."

I soon found that this mare was also the mayor. Everyone seemed to want to meet me since I was so very unusual and not threatening. Over a complimentary dinner, I learned much about my hosts, Ponyville, and Equestria. They had never heard of the kingdom of the Elephants. Someone found a book mentioning humans, but it wasn't terribly specific. We were apparently mythical beasts.

I arranged a few crowd shots with the time-delay on my camera, but I got the notion that it would be a while before I could recharge it, so I kept it off for the most part.

In time, the mayor suggested that I head onward to the capitol in the morning, a suggestion I found capital.

The pony who volunteered to be my guide was a unicorn named Rarity; she seemed rather more intent on simply having a reason to go to Canterlot than in me. After spending the night in the library (one of the few buildings with ceilings high enough for me to be really comfortable), I woke and headed over to meet her; she let me in, but was still getting ready.

After waiting a minute for her to wrap up without any apparent progress, I pointed out, "We're going to be walking all day, you know."

"Yes, I know, but how many chances will I get at this?"

"I'm sure we'll be given a chance to freshen up when we get there."

"Blue? Or green?"

"Blue."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You're not just saying that because you want to get going, are you?"

"Blue, because it's obviously your best color. It meshes with your mane and tail. And we need to get going." The latter wasn't really true, but I wasn't particularly interested in sticking around watching her primp up all day. "You're going to be there over night anyway. Might as well arrive when it's still light enough to see." That convinced her.

Once on the road, though, I kept my ears open, as she was quite willing to tell me every little bit she knew about Canterlot. We followed the railroad tracks as far as they went, caught up to the track work, and continued along the rail right-of-way until we reached the main road to the city, coming in from a different direction.

Well before sunset, we arrived at the gates. Guard ponies escorted us in, and on account of my extreme novelty, we were left in an antechamber for only a short time before receiving an audience with princess Celestia. Rarity took full advantage of the limited amenities, and also shocked me with some outright glowing-horn magic to clean herself. Now, I'd been through the blue valley, so the existence of magic wasn't exactly foreign to me, but to see it under control was quite astonishing. I barely had time to recover before she stopped what she was doing, realized I was in nowhere near as good shape, and spent the rest of her time making me presentable before we were let in. Having magic used on and around me was far more astonishing - the warmth, the tingle.

But not as astonishing as princess Celestia. She glowed, with a floating translucent mane, and a firm regal bearing. I couldn't understand our introductions or what she said at first, as I was so struck. But it eventually occurred to me that she had said: "Welcome, human. Your kind have not come for many years - and never before an adult."

Fortunately, my surprise at what she had just said filtered through. "Children have come here?" That line on the plaque that young elephants had entered the Blue valley suddenly occurred to me - but still, those had been elephants. There must be other ways.

"Yes. A long time ago, and they were never interested in meeting me." A little flash in her eyes - she did have a serious question: "Do you mind describing how you got here?"

"By way of a place called the blue valley."

Celestia perked in surprise. "I have a student who arrived by that very route. She did not mention humans."

"Really? The elephants are quite familiar with us."

"Elephant? She is a rhinoceros, actually."

"Er." I admit it. That wasn't exactly the most graceful, especially in comparison to her speech. Now that I'm writing it doesn't seem all that special, but the delivery.... On her tongue, my high school love poetry would not have sounded awkward, though perhaps it would have remained kind of creepy.

Her main question resolved, she relaxed. "Do you have any stories you would like to share about your kind?"

"Stories? Well, I know history, but I'm not really sure where to start."

"I understand. An apartment will be arranged for you, and you are welcome to relate matters to us."

I recognized a dismissal. "Certainly. Thank you, your highness." I managed to bow before exiting.

Upon the door closing, Rarity hissed at me, "Finally! You didn't supplicate in the beginning."

"Oops. She didn't seem upset."

A chamberlain (or courtier or something, I'm not an expert) led us to a little two-room suite in a far corner of the palace. Actually, they were pretty decent-sized rooms, but after the genuinely large rooms of the palace halls they felt small. Rarity went out to see who she could meet; I gathered up two huge cushions and went back to sleep.