FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Everytime I woke up I saw her. The smile she cast me was coy and inviting, like she was waiting for me to come outside and play, to follow her in chase. Her eyes were different, frightening. Those artic blues had become a wild electric color and something lurked behind them, the same sort of wild thing that was keeping me down and ripping me apart. It hungered, it was primal, it screamed and laughed its song to me.

'Hunt,' it urged, 'want to hunt, she wants to hunt too. Join us.'

But I fought it because it was wrong. Because it was so savage. Because it inticed me with a hot copper taste and the smell of salty musk that was so alien to me. It wanted, it craved, it's yearning was endless. It showed me an ocean of blood and when I turned myself away it destroyed that part of me that it did not want. It was unmaking me. Shredding the most humane parts of me so I would be a better, more recieving host.

'A beast,' I thought as I slid into blessed unconcious again, 'this must be my Beast.'

As it destroyed me it also gave birth to me. A rebirth I should say, or maybe it was a deathening. A death day, maybe I'd get a macabre cake whose candles dripped blood, not wax down the sides. The dark thing laughed inside of me and the sound spilled out of my lips as we merged together and I was no longer who I had been before. Two sets of sharp little teeth greeted me at the end of our rolling laugh and, as I whimpered my suprise, she was there to lap the last of my humanity away.

"You found us, at last.."

A panther like rumble sounded deep inside her chest as she pushed her face into my neck in greeting before pulling my lower lip between her own to suck the flow of red away. I felt exhausted, like I'd fought a losing battle in a far off dreamland. But maybe I was still dreaming, maybe she was here to pull me out. She's the only thing I remember, the only thing there is, we must belong to each other.

She yelped in suprise when I sank those teeth into her lip. The flow was not enough. Sounding my frustration I pushed her off of me and reversed the situation. Straddling her hips, my mouth met her neck to lick honey colored skin. The pulse under my tongue was slow, some forgotten part of me screaming that it was wrong.

'Too slow,' it said, 'something is not right!'

But the Beast was there to smother the Remenant, 'Slow like your own, she is like us.'

I became aware of my heart as her blood spilled over my tongue. It's beat was faint as death but, as the flow came, it began to beat with euphroia. Everything became faster, stronger, better. A savage joy soared through my body as she, ours, struggled underneath me. With a snarl her sharp mouth bit through the cheap, pink furred bra that was the top half of my costume, her well manicured nails wrapping tightly into my hair in a fight for control.

"Hm, if we don't stop them, they might kill each other."

"Are you afraid they'll bond too deeply?"

"They're too young, their Beasts will make them eat each other alive."

"You never know, I'm alway up for experiments."

"Enough, the both of you!" The voice that ruled them snapped, "They're your accidents, you will be held accountable!" his boots clicked away sharply from the scene.

The sqeek of an old metal door shattered the world of blood the two of us had created before I was, quite rudely, smacked on the ass with an unworthy amount of force. I gasped in shock and reaered back to see who the assailent was before being not so gently restrained. The other had used a similar shock treatment to take her away from me. The wound she'd created bloomed bright red on pink fabric, wasted life running down my exposed stomach into the matching mini skirt.

Words did not come, words were alien. There was only rage. She was ours, and they can't have her. A deep growl sounded low in my throat but was echoed back to me by the strong iron like arms that held me vice like against the man's chest.

"Come on now, none of that, little one," his breath tickled my ear, "calm down, come with me. Theeeeeere's a girl, come on."

Not like there was a choice. Too fast for my blood drugged brain he moved. Instead of restraining me he was pulling me forcefully down the hallway like a naughty toddler, fridgid fingers clamped firmly around my wrist.

"Bunny!" I twisted my other hand out to grab after her but she was already being hustled down the opposite corridor. In a quick change of plans I grabbed the bars as we passed them, only able to hang on for a second before the mans forceful yanks and pulls drove me onwards, up a flight of stairs and into the main of the house.

The bleak, dungeon like quality of our cell was replaced with warm interior. Old cobbled bricks gave way to plush red carpet that my high heels sank right into. Clumsy, distracting, unnatural things. I started to bend to see if I could snap their straps off but he yanked me along harder, pulling me into a sort of library-esque room.

"Sit," he literally flung me into a chair and leaned away to flick the switch on an electric tea kettle. I jumped at the sound and raised my eyes to watch him. The Beast and I held counsel and decided together that he was bigger, older, stronger: so sit tight and don't fuck around.

"So.." a spoon chinked repeatedly against mugs as he stirred an instant coffee blend, "do you remember your name?"

I swallowed sharply and cleared my throat, still fuzzy from the deathening and the flurry of activity afterwards. My answering, "No," came out croaky sounding.

He spared a quirked eyebrowed glance at me before adjusting the sugar/milk/coffee ratios fastidiously, "Where do you live, maybe?"

"No," an overwhelming sense of feeling lost smacked into me like a freight train, shuddering down my spine as I realize I had no clue as to who the hell I was.

I jumped when he moved to set a coaster and coffee mug (a standard, blue colored affair) on the small, wood carved stand next to my seat. The smell of him invaded my space and without processing what I was doing a sound trickled out of my lips, a low rumbling growl. Slowly he released my mug and backed away, hands slightly raised and in plain sight. I cut the growl off when he acquisitioned his own cup (penguins in a snow scene, chipped and well loved) and settled into a chair across from me. Far enough away.

"..Your job?"

Shattered images wrestled with my tired brain. Women dancing, some naked, some in elaborate costumes. Lights, heavy dancing music. Thump, thump, thump. Men laughing and ordering more drinks. Always more drinks. And her, Nikki. At least I could remember her name. But this time was different. I knew we shouldn't have taken this job. I had told her. His face. It was his face I saw after the lights went out. The memory seemed broken but the Beast knew. He had made us what we are. That smell, he smelled like she did, like I did. He smelled like a winters night under the blankets, trying to keep the cold away. Like bouncing in a pile of autumn leaves with your best friend. Like safety, like balance, like home. The Beast inhaled deeply and, in my mind, seemed to flick it's tale in approval. Yes, he had made me.

But he is also the one who destroyed me.

I pulled my feet up underneath me and sat indian style in the chair, rubbing my temples with elbows on knees. Stray bits of earth brown hair hung testily about my face. I pushed them away in a frustrated geasture, "I remember you, you were there, I.."

He blinked tawny coloured eyes slowly, sipping at his coffee in calm, deliberate movements, "Mhmm..?"

"I don't know, I.." was lost for words. Everything but this moment seemed broken or missing.

"Its eaten you. Parts of you that woudn't conform," he set the empty mug down gently. "I didn't plan to take you but you got in the way. You aren't the kind of person we'd generally embrace but Riley wanted her and you just.." He leaned back and inhaled deeply, "you just freaked out, got in the way, you just.." a hand was tossed up for emphasis.

Raking my hand through my hair to clear my view I furrowed my brows at him, "Got in the way? Of fucking what exactly did I get in the way of?"

"We've been watching her, Nicole. She's a perfect candidate. We had the whole thing planned way ahead. The Beast took her in, she's not ruined like you. She'd been awake way before you came 'round, she remembers, knows who she is, everything, because she accepted it!" His tone was frustrated, the calm manner he'd taken up before hand was sliding away, perfect control slipping. "You're my first, I said I would never make another but here we are."

A moment of silence passed between us. An ornately carved grandfather clock ticked away with a deafening racket from a corner of the room. I turned grey eyes to my neglected coffee mug and fixated myself on the steam rising off of it "Another what, exactly?"

This man, this maker, who I saw with the eyes of a newborn, he shot me the 'isn't it obvious?' look before opening his mouth in an over-wide smile, spreading his hands as if to say 'tah-dah!' The fangs were obvious. Small and not overdramatic like I'd seen on TV shows, but extremely obvious. Not much longer than usual, the incissors were sharp and paired themselves with lethally edged little canines.

I'd seen enough garbage TV to guess correctly. "I assumed but..Nikki and I.." if there was much blood in my system it ran to my cheeks, "we uhm, her blood was..it was so.."

The Beast laughed inside my head just as he did, the man shaking his head, "I can see why it broke you, you're just-"

My look must have cut him off, that or clearing my throat.

"Okay, okay, right. So, what do I do with you, hmm? You're hardly a mistake I can sweep under the rug, right? Do you want another coffee, are you tired, hungry?"

"Your coffee smells like the worst part of waking up. You'd think vampires would be more-"

"Cultured? I'm cheap, It's Sanka brand."

"Disgusting..and how does one mistakenly make a vampire? It seems like a bad excuse for-"

"Lack of self control, but you were dying and I-"

"You are not the hero."

"Take your second chance, Miss Sanka."

And with that he rose, once again a calm and composed looking individual. Khaki pants and a loose, button down shirt. No-nonsense cut, deer pelt colored hair to match bright tawny eyes. Odd eyes. The most brilliant shade of hazel I'd ever seen. Her eyes had changed, I remember..The wild blue color seemed an image burnt into my brain.

I stood to prevent myself from feeling small and towered over. Not that he was over tall, just average sort of. I just felt vaulnerable still. Raw.

"Come," This time he didn't grab. I abandoned my coffee and followed him out of the study and down the hall. He walked slowly, as if he were still deciding what to do with me. The lost following the lost. I felt so exhausted that just walking in these stupid, flamingo pink high heels felt like a hike up the side of Everest.

Not far and he pushed in a half open door to what was obviously a guest room and leaned in to turn on the light. "There should be a few basic things in the bathroom, if you need anything I'll be across the hall." Like I'm staying at the Hilton. I stood at the door awkwardly, keeping hold of my arm at the elbow, suddenly aware that I was freezing cold.

"Ehm, goodnight then. I'll just be.." he side stepped to the opposite door, "here." He shut the door on himself quietly.

Alone.

But not alone. The Beast seemed to want paw at his door and urged me to follow him in. 'He is all,' it said, 'he is maker, stay with him, he'll show you.'

"I don't even know his damn name," speaking aloud to the voice in my head made me feel worse, like a car running out of gas on the way to crazy town.

It didn't answer me back. Even more alone.

With a sigh I slammed the door behind me, violently stripping down and forcing myself to turn on the shower taps and unwrap a cheapo bar of Irish Spring. I stood under the flow of cold and slowly, meticullously made it lukewarm and then warm. I didn't like it, the wamrth. I offered my hip to the shower only to quickly pull it back again. With a loud huff of annoyance I stepped under the flow and grounded myself to the spot. Completely cold from the inside and out. Gradually I warmed to the water, though the heat never seemed to sink all the way in. Snatching one of those Barbie sized hotel shampoos I squeezed the whole thing onto my head an roughed it around. The cheap shampoo dripped down and burned into my eyes, the chemical pain a welcome distraction from flurried thoughts. How do I get out of here and should I take Nikki with me? Where would I even go? I had no money, no car that I was aware of. Even if I got out I couldn't remember where I lived. Did I live with her? I flushed hard at the re-emerging memories of tonight and forced my attention to scrubbing my hair and body. What about the man across the hallway, obviously he lived here. But there had been the one he called Riley, and the other, the voice that commanded both of them. I had choices to think about, go or stay. Why would I leave though, if I knew nothing about what or who I was? I felt so drained still. My stomach howled with the Beast inside my head. It was obvious what they wanted but I can't just be going around and eating people.

"That's exactly what you need to be doing,' it purred back at me.

"Ack!" in the process of scrubbing the shampoo out I tugged at my hair and stamped my foot down as if trying to scare away a small animal, "stay the hell away!"

'Embrace it now, later there will be no choice.'

"Whatever the hell that means." I glared at the air and sullenly turned off the taps. Snatching up a towel I dried my hair with force, waiting for the fog of my overly long, overly hot shower to clear off the mirror. I flipped my head and towel dried some more, coming up to see a shaggy, white robe attached to a hook on the bathroom door. Mine now. I wrapped myself into it quickly, trying to keep in a bit of warmth from the shower. The foggy mirror had cleared. Sucking in a breath I turned to look myself over.

Too pale, expression too shocked. The normal healthy flush I always had was gone. The eyes that I could have sworn had always been grey had become a sort of metalic obsidian. They looked confused, these alien eyes. I felt a phantom touch on my shoulder, a light comforting weight, 'New eyes, to better see the world with.'

"I'd been doing fine without them." Shrugging the phantom hand off my shoulder I exited the tiny bathroom, stepping over the ruined fuzzy bra, rabbits ears and mini skirt, almost tripping myself over the heels I'd ripped off. Kicking the heels away I left my designated guest room and pounded on my maker's door. The rapping on wood sounded more panicked than I'd intended. I swallowed a sob I didn't know had been there. Just couldn't be alone, not alone with myself, not with the new creature of blood lust inside of me.

He answered the door as if he'd been there waiting, maybe listening. Maybe debating coming across the hall. Suddenly self concious I shrugged at him, forcing my eyes to the carpet to hide myself, "I don't even know your name.."

"It's Jack." Instead of my wrist he took up my hand, giving a gentle tug of invitation to my fingers. He closed the door behind us with a soft click.

"I don't know what I-"

"If you don't know then be silent. The answers will come."

"I'm soo cold.."

"You'll always be cold without it. Inside and out."

I didn't need to ask what 'it' was. I knew. Sanguine.

Jack settled himself into an already disarrayed queen bed and proped himself up on an elbow, patting the space beside him in invitation. It didn't feel like crawling into bed with a stranger. It felt like running into your parents room after you'd had a scary dream. A nightmare. Maybe this will all be over when I wake up. With nothing else left in me but a fleeting thought about soaking his pillows with my wet hair I let everything crash into oblivion. Sweet, silent oblivion.