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I could barely sleep. There was a serious chance that Discord was telling the truth and Cheerilee was his target.

What would I do if I were him, and I'd picked her? Children. Do something to the children, so they begin acting up. No. They couldn't act up enough to win. They need to get their parents and families to act up. Getting at a family through its children is very powerful. What should she do, that would get them to explode?

My mind recoiled from the notion that Cheerilee could be abusing the children. I immediately devised rationalizations: Abuse typically shows as depression, and those kids looked happy enough. How would he time it to come out in three days?

I recognized those objections as coming from rationalization instead of a search for the truth, so I slowed down and criticized them, devising plans that would force things to come to a head in 3 days. But those seemed even weaker than the rationalizations, so I tentatively accepted that Cheerilee wasn't abusing her students, and even more tentatively accepted that she wasn't the target at all. Which left me with no leads, unless I could pin the game on someone else.

And why the rationalization in the first place? I had moved past liking, and was beginning to be infatuated with her. I recognized the signs - it was a disease I knew well. For the next two or three days, it would take all of my effort not to declare undying love to her. Recalling previous embarrassments could help against that. And the major distractions caused by Discord and Nightmare Moon.

The sun rose (somehow - did Celestia not actually have much in the way of active intervention in its daily motions after all?), and I dragged myself out of bed. It was earlier than I would have normally woken up had I actually been sleeping, but I just felt awful. I went searching for quarter of an apple pie I remembered, mocking my shamble by murmuring 'braaains'.

Once the pie had been thoroughly devoured, I washed my face. That felt a bit better. The library didn't have a proper bath or shower, but the bathroom did have a draining floor, so I stripped and improvised a shower, handful at a time.

Done, I lay down. Cherilee came to my mind again, and I imagined what she might do - go back to school, become a great mathematician or scientist. With me at her side... and in bed. The mechanics of this notion were not obvious, and I found myself exploring the possibilities...

Rainbow Dash landed on the balcony and trotted in. "Hi, Omar. Hey, you look funny without your clothes on."

I nodded stiffly. She didn't seem to be mortified at my erection, so I wasn't going to overreact. Oh right. Equestria's being one huge nudist colony apparently applies to me too, even if I had no intention of taking up that option.

"Anyway, we wanted to let you know that we're coming back, and... Something to do with just needing a spark. Know anything about sparks?"

I managed another nod. I knew a little bit, and it was a little nod.

"Great." She waited.

I managed to get my mouth working as I sat up. "So, sparks are when electrons get all bunched up at one place, and there are fewer somewhere else, and there's an air gap between them, and the field gets high enough that they jump across. Basically, little lightning. Assuming that electrons exist here, which is doubtful."

"Hmm. Know any others?"

"Outside of Girl Genius, no. Well, wait! Inspiration. The beginnings of a feeling. A minor disturbance that starts a cataclysm." I felt like I was reading the summary of a tarot card.

"Well, our girl genius is having a tough time with this one. The only cataclysm we're getting is the backlash from her not getting that sixth stone. She knocked over a fucking mountain trying to get that sixth one to appear."

I hadn't really taken Twilight Sparkle's claim of being 'the second-most magical pony around' seriously until then, but it came back to me. I was about to inquire when Rainbow Dash clarified, "It was almost ready to go on its own. But still. So, they're heading back. Hope the spark will come when we need it, because tonight's the big night."

"Yeah." And Discord very likely doesn't know about Nightmare Moon. How can I use that against him? It was very irritating that I couldn't tell anyone about him.

I wandered through the day, trying to find some handle on Discord, and wondering what could be done about Nightmare Moon. I felt totally helpless. It was toward the evening that I remembered that I could talk about Nightmare Moon. I was about to warn someone when I realized several things. First, I would not be believed. Second, it would alert Discord, ruining any element of surprise against him. Third, it wasn't really my place. Twilight Sparkle hadn't told anyone... or had she?

I went to the town hall and scouted it out. To be polite, I helped Rarity set some things up. Since Celestia sent Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville and told her to remain here, she expects Nightmare Moon to appear in Ponyville. And if she appears in Ponyville, is there anywhere more appropriate than the Summer Sun Celebration? I kept an eye out for strategic locations - bits of cover, possible weapons - but I knew if Twilight Sparkle was capable of knocking down mountains, there probably wouldn't be much I could do.

"Any news from Canterlot?" - Twilight Sparkle had just come alongside as I was struggling with draping a ribbon, Rarity having arranged the other forty-four with magic.

I gave up on it and got down from the step-stool. "No news - not really. They know that the princess is ill and is sending a stand-in, princess Agnes."

"Ignes. And I've had nothing from Spike." She lowered her head. "It's all on me, and I can't make a spark to save Equestria." After a deep sigh, she intoned, "Fuck."

Pinkie Pie jumped out at her in a shaggy black mask. "I'm Niiightmare Mooon!" Then she fell back laughing.

Twilight sat down and sighed. "Pinkie, how can you be silly at a time like this?"

The rest was a song and dance number.

~~~~

When midnight struck, things went well for the first minute. Princess Ignes proudly announced that the sun would soon be rising on account of blah blah that I didn't hear because I just knew something would happen. And it did.

A violet-tinged black lightning strike landed directly in front of the podium, leaving a cloud. It gathered inward, revealing a pony as large as Celestia. She was just as violently black as the lightning.

Nightmare Moon merely nodded, and Princess Ignes fainted.

Then Nightmare Moon turned and taunted, "Oh, my beloved subjects. It's been so long since I've seen your precious, little sun-loving faces."

I glanced over to the unobtrusive side where the six had gathered. They were trying. And nothing was happening.

The Mayor cried, "What is the meaning of this? Who are you?"

"Do you not remember the very family of your doting princess? Have you forgotten the night completely? Or just me - are there no legends of my pursuit of justice?"

When no one said anything (Twilight Sparkle surely would have out of sheer pedantry had she not been trying to draw a spark out of the elements), Nightmare Moon roared, "Speak!"

My nervousness over the previous few days paid off - the panic of the crowd didn't touch me. This was the moment I'd been expecting - and no more than what I had been expecting. Over the stampede, I saw Twilight Sparkle. There was a definite glow about her - something was happening, now.

But as the room emptied, it got harder and harder not to notice them. And they didn't look entirely ready.

I jumped up on the DJ's table. How could I distract Nightmare Moon? It was stupid to try. And the means I settled on were even stupider. But all I could think of was the end of Slayers Next - where a major distraction had been moderately effective. And so I began to 'cast' the Dragon Slave:

Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond blood that flows, Buried in the flow of time, In thy great name I pledge myself to darkness! Er.

It sure was distracting: it totally threw off the ponies I was trying to cover. I stopped right there, but it was too late. Maybe if I had managed to finish it and do the wiggly thing with my hands I would have made a fool of myself but they would have understood that I was just trying to act as a distraction, rather than gleefully betraying them.

Their unity of will broken, they ran. Very sensibly, I might add.

And so I was left there standing on the table, watching my friends exit with great haste, while Nightmare Moon looked on with dreadful interest.

My bravery only went so far. Now was a great time to play along with the mess I'd just put myself in, so I dropped to one knee and bowed as low as possible on the table.

Nightmare Moon was large - up close, I realized she was larger than Celestia. She was no pony, but a mid-sized horse. She stepped up to me, her frosty breath tickling my hair.

She regarded me carefully, drew her breath, and pronounced: "A willing subject? I can smell the night on you, yes!"

A long pause.

Quieter, meaner: "I smell Celestia on you as well." Then, in a booming roar: "Guards! Ensure his loyalty!"

She exuded a mist and walked past the table as if there was nothing I could do to her. And I really couldn't - she was terrifying. Out of the mist stepped two armored pegasus ponies.

I got down from the table to face the two guards. Ensure my loyalty? What can that mean? Whatever it is, it's going to be something I would really rather not do. And the less convincing I am, the less pleasant. Act, Omar, act!

Did I just think that? Yes. Yes, I did.

"So, whose cock do I suck first?" Point of order: these are presumably not royalty, so their life-spans aren't all that extended. Were they frozen in time or something? Pact with the devil for immortality? Answer: get back to acting!

Up to now, the guards had been practically pulsing with malice, but this threw them off. I capitalized on their confusion, continuing, "You've been stuck on the moon, alone with your mistress, whom you're totally devoted to, and is the pinnacle of female perfection, but you absolutely can't touch, for a thousand years. So I'm pretty sure you've got some tension going on. I can help."

If they'd been human, I could have put a hand out, but they kept their equipment to the rear... so I patted the DJ's table invitingly.

"Look, what did you have in mind? Kill the prisoner or something silly like that? What good would that do? Wouldn't even prove my loyalty - she's my natural enemy anyway. Plus, her majesty must have kept her alive for a good reason. If she comes back to find her dead... hoo, I wouldn't want to be behind that. So how about it? Clearing your mind of this is going to be the best thing I can do for you now."

They whined, and whinnied, and tentatively approached. To my simultaneous relief and trepidation, they put their forelegs on the table.

I proceeded with an enthusiasm that I hoped appeared and felt sincere. Neither of them was warmed up, but I didn't mess around with proper foreplay technique, instead taking as much of one as I could, then switching to the other. While they were still soft I used a normal pumping motion with my hands, but as they got harder, I switched to a pressing motion along the base of the shaft, almost like what I'd do to a woman. That used less energy and had less risk of hurting them by over-stretching something, and was probably not something they were used to, which would... well, wait. They didn't have hands, so hand-jobs might be completely unknown. This is no time to get distracted by such questions as how ponies hold things in their hooves!

I redoubled my efforts. The cocks swelled so wide I couldn't fit my lips in as a protective layer, so it took all my effort to avoid biting them. My jaw burned as I bobbed my head.

After a minute, I felt wetness on my right arm as I was working the left - apparently he'd finished? Great. Let's take this to the next level and finish this one off - I can't take much more of this. I took my freed hand and reached around to caress his leg. I worked up and began finger-rimming him. No going further in, since that might throw him off. I'm not going to rely on us having open and honest communication to get him off.

He began moaning, and I knew I was on the home stretch, expecting a mouthful at any moment. But it continued, getting stronger, and his voice rose. I slowed myself to synchronize with his vocalizations, and they grew higher, stronger, and longer.

A blood-curdling scream erupted from his throat, and he thrusted so hard my head hit the table.

---

James lowered the page."Fucking finally. You did have to satisfy it with my least favorite form of sexual contact, didn't you? And only by having fictional-you pull a massive derp."

"How so?"

"He should have invoked the power of the almighty musical number and sung I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew. I totally thought you were foreshadowing and giving your fictional self a much-needed hint with Pinkie's musical number."

"Ah, that would have been brilliant."

"I know, right?"

"But that does make not thinking of it not a derp. And anyway, it would have been anachronistic. This is set before I encountered the song."

"This is in an actual time?"

"Yeah, right after I visited my mom's family in Algeria."

"You really are shit at compartmentalization, aren't you?"

I deadpanned, "What are you talking about? The Hub has been completey mangling their documentary of these events. It's a cover-up, I tell you!"