And Now For Something Completely Different
And Now For Something Completely Different
By: Rakuen Growlithe
Disclaimer: Pokemon is not mine. Neither are some of the things I have poked fun at in this.
AN: I just got this idea into my head and decided to write it down so I did. It's nothing like my other stuff and is hopefully funny. If you don't get bits of it it's not my fault that you don't get the same adverts as I do. And I am also doing my requested story, don't worry.
The sun twinkled merrily above suburbia where a bachelor currently had the curtains drawn and was working with whipped cream and strawberries.
"Mmmm... Oh yeah! Oh God! Yes, yes, yes! That looks so great!"
Jarrid placed another strawberry on top of the mound and stood back to admire his work.
"That could be the best cake ever made," he stated, wiping a tear from his eye as he looked at the round sponge cake, covered with whipped cream and a ring of strawberries.
"Vulpix," came a cute, soft voice behind him.
Jarrid turned to see his pokemon, Valerie; a vulpix.
"Hey girl," he said in greeting, "Look at this masterpiece."
He swung around triumphantly, forgetting how close he was to the cake and knocked it flying through the kitchen window with a loud smash.
"...."
Everyone froze for almost a minute as the back door opened and a light wind blew a trail of leaves past them, the leaves curling in a small circle as it passed by. As soon as the leaves had vanished from sight Jarrid collapsed to the floor in tears.
"Vulpix vul," comforted Vulpix, licking his face softly.
At the same time he opened his mouth, getting her soft tongue sliding down his throat. He let out a loud moan of pleasure as he hugged her tightly to him, getting a huge erection in his shorts.
"Oh, Valerie," he whispered, "I love you so much."
He kissed her deeply again as she murred and returned the kiss fiercely.
"Vul pix pix vulp," she replied, turning and showing off her swollen pink cunt with thick fox juice dripping down her legs.
Without needing any more coaxing Jarrid grabbed her around the waist and plunged his dick into her waiting sex and began pounding the small, horny pokemon. Their gasps and moans built up in volume, filling Jarrid's kitchen before the two climaxed together in a messy pile of skin and fur.
Jarrid stumbled to his feet looking at the pile of cum on his tiled floor with despair.
"How will I ever manage to clean up this mess?" he lamented out loud, emphasising his dilemma by waving his arms.
"Never fear!" came a strong voice behind him.
He turned around in surprise and exclaimed, "Mr Muscle!"
"That's right," said the cleaning superhero, striking a pose with a bottle of cleaning fluid, "and with new Mr Muscle Tile Cleaner your tiles will- Oh my God! Did you rape that pokemon?"
"What? No!" protested Jarrid, "It's not what it looks like!"
"It's not! I was kidding. Are you trying to say you didn't just have loving and consensual sex with a sentient life form of the opposite sex but different species and instead raped a poor and defenceless inferior life form? I'm calling the cops!"
"No!"
Jarrid leaped forward to stop the muscle-bound domestic worker but Mr Muscle squeezed the trigger on the tile cleaner, sending a spray of cleaning fluid into Jarrid's panic-stricken eyes.
"Owww!"
"Hello? Is that the police? I've got a crepe here who needs arresting. What? Crinkly paper? No, no. I'm lexdyslic, I meant creep. Good."
Mr Muscle turned to Jarrid, "The police are on their way! You'll never get away with this."
"What are you talking about?" demanded Jarrid, "I already did, otherwise you wouldn't be trying to arrest me!"
"Ah. Yeah... Well you won't get away scotch-free."
Mr Muscle grabbed Jarrid and poured a bottle of the finest scotch down his throat.
"Alright what's going on here?" asked a fat, white police-officer.
His partner, a fit, black police-officer dive-rolled into the room with two pistols drawn, "Now everyone put yo' faces down on the ground. Yeah that means you down with them, now! I'm gonna shoot you all! Down, down I say!"
"He had raped that vulpix," explained Mr Muscle, pointing to Valerie.
"That's disgusting!" shouted the white police officer, cuffing Jarrid's hands behind his back and leading him outside.
Valerie protested, shouting loudly as she tried to explain to the uncomprehending humans.
"Hmm, are you saying you wanted to do it?" asked the black officer.
Vulpix nodded.
"Confiscate the vulpix," ordered the white officer, "I'm bored of screwing over Justice all the time."
Hearing his name the two cops' police growlithe ran into the room.
"It's okay, boy," explained the white officer, "We were just talking about you, didn't call."
"Damn!" exclaimed the black policeman as he locked Valerie into a small carrier cage, "I haven't had a good suck since that paedophile case. This vixen better be good."
Valerie was released in the police kennels, the only female pokemon there, surrounded by the strong scent of fit, male growlithe and one large arcanine. Vulpix squirmed, her pussy growing wet once again as her heat began to bother her, not helped at all by the musk in the air.
Justice and a friend went up to Vulpix, the two growlithe, nuzzling and licking her face and neck. She just moaned softly, giving each a friendly nibble on the air. Seeing she was willing the rest of the pack began to move in and soon Valerie found herself in a world of pleasure with warm dog tongues bathing her body from every angle. Justice rolled onto his back and crawled underneath Valerie, to reach her cunt with his tongue, his red cock bouncing against her muzzle.
Valerie lowered her maw and engulfed Justice's cock as the other growlithe began rubbing theirs against her fur and one of the stronger ones pushed the others aside to get into her cunt, his dick getting licked by Justice each time it was pulled out. Another growlithe squeezed onto her back, his dick forcing her ass open and he started to pump deep inside of her. They kept thrusting until they howled out in pleasure and shot their hot, thick cream into her womb. As each pokemon finished and left another from the pack came to take its place and Valerie received orgasm after orgasm as the police growlithe took full advantage of her heat to pleasure themselves with her body. Finally Justice shot his own load of cum into Valerie's maw and rolled out from under her. His face a mess of cum and fem-juice that had dripped out onto him.
Weak-legged Valerie stood trembling, her six tails quivering above her open holes, thinking it was over. It was then that the large arcanine got up and walked over to the smaller vulpix. His cock was already smeared with his pre and was at least twice as large as the growlithe who had just had their way with her. Roughly he pulled her under him and prodded his large dick up against the swollen lips of her cunt. He gave a grunt and shoved the entire massive length of male flesh inside her body, causing her to yelp out in pain. Valerie squirmed and wriggled helplessly as the arcanine screwed her hard and fast, growling s he found his knot was unable to fit into her tight, and until that morning virgin, walls. He drew his dick out as his howl echoed through the kennels and he sent a shower of white cum up into the air, arcing to fall down all over Valerie.
"All rise for the honourable Judge Dreadful."
Everyone in the walnut-walled courtroom stood as the judge came in and took his seat.
"I understand that we are here," said the judge, "because of the inappropriate conduct of a member of our society. Let's hear the prosecution's argument."
"I intend to prove-"
"Of course you do!" snapped the judge, "Otherwise you'd be on the other side. Now get on without all this nonsense."
"Uh... right," stammered the lawyer, "That evil man has committed the following list of crimes. Assault, destruction of property, inconsideration to the less fortunate, obstruction of justice, bestiality and rape."
"That's awful. Execute him!" declared the judge.
"Wait! What about my side?" demanded Jarrid.
"Oh fine. How do you plead?"
"Well I did once get involved in a DS relationship and my master made me beg a lot so I'd say pretty well."
"I mean are you guilty or not?"
"I'm innocent I tell you."
The judge sighed, "Like I've never heard the accused say that before. Bring on the first witness."
The first witness was Mrs Truth Less, an old woman and neighbour of Jarrid's.
"What can you tell us about this man?" asked the prosecutor.
"Why I can tell you he plays his music way too loud. I can barely hear when it's on."
"She's deaf!" exclaimed Jarrid, "She can barely hear anything."
"I don't have my wedding ring," replied Mrs Less, "I pawned it to buy a hairnet."
"Moving on from the music," continued the lawyer.
"That's what I think I have to do," moaned Truth, "I just can't put up with it."
"WHAT HAPPENED TODAY?" Shouted the prosecuting lawyer.
"I was assaulted by Jarrid!" exclaimed the woman, "There I was going about my business when suddenly he throws a cake at me. He also destroyed a window in the process!"
"Exactly," agreed the lawyer, "Not only that but there are many starving people who could have benefited from that cake. In future I want people to throw rocks. And this is after all the hard work the Nigerians do for us."
"What do they do?" asked Judge Dreadful.
"Why they donate family photographs. Where did you think barcodes came from? No ones going to draw a bunch of thin black sticks all their life. They are family photos of Nigerians."
"You can't rely on her testimony," protested Jarrid, "She's senile!"
"Why should I accept your word?" asked the judge, to Mrs Less.
"I have no teeth," she smiled, "And I regularly go to church so I'm used to kneeling and sucking up to people."
"Hmm... How does your sucking up compare to a church boy's?"
"I used to be one. Until the church decided homosexuality was wrong. Then my priest told me that God wanted me to have a sex change."
"That's good enough for me. I accept."
"The next witness is Mr Muscle.... Um... Please don't wipe the table. This is a serious matter."
"I know," agreed Mr Muscle, "You've been using Mr Min! That wannabe will never beat me. I will have my revenge!"
"Now you called the police, didn't you, Mr Muscle?"
"Indeed I did. At first I responded to a call of dirty tiles but when I got there he told me that he'd raped his vulpix and so I called the cops."
"That's not at all what I said," argued Jarrid, "Let me explain."
"You'll get a chance later," snapped the judge, "For now we're trying to uncover the truth. I want to see the rape victim."
The two police officers who arrested Jarrid walked in with Valerie in a small wire cage.
"Here she is," said one, placing the cage on the witness stand.
"I didn't know she was a rare albino," commented the judge in awe.
"Oh this," chuckled the black cop, "No, no, see she's not white she's covered in cum."
The white cop nodded, looking sadly at his un-iced donut then running it against Valerie's fur until it had a layer of cum on the top.
"How could you do such a thing to her!" shouted the judge, "You vile, disgusting gastropod!"
"I didn't do that!" argued back Jarrid, "She was clean when they took her."
"It's true!" declared a voice, kicking open the courtroom door.
"Who are you?" demanded the judge when a man in black sunglasses and a trench coat walked in.
"I am the one," he answered, "and I'm here to tell you the truth of the world."
The man came to stand beside Jarrid and pointed his palm at a blank wall. He concentrated for a few seconds and soon a TV appeared and began to play the scene from the kennels.
"Jarrid should be released form all charges as the vulpix is an insatiable whore."
The whole court gasped collectively.
"In addition Jarrid is here on a study permit from Australia and can only be deported. This whole court case has been a waste of tax dollars."
There was a second collective gasp.
"And," the man reached into his coat and took out a key on a black key ring with the symbol of a red rapidash silhouette, "You're firerarri is ready."
Nobody moved and a bead of sweat rolled down the man's forehead. The judge stared back in confusion at the keys.
"But I don... didn't know my firerarri was here. This mockery of the law has gone on long enough. Case dismissed!"
He slammed his gavel down, grabbed the keys and ran to the parking area, giving a high-pitched giggle as he went. Jarrid ran to Valerie and freed her from the cage.
"Oh my love... Eww! You're soaked in cum.... And I like it!"
The End