FSE

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The coffee sits in between my paws steaming in a slow rise. Its wafting aroma invades my nose but I am indifferent to its pleasant offerings. I can only focus on the pounding of my head, the markings of a vicious hangover. Drills--no, it does not just drill, it pick's with an axe, it notches with tiny chisels, it explodes like TNT, my hangover makes my brain like a mine shaft and bit by bit I'm caving in on myself. In the brown of the coffee beneath me, I see my own reflection; it is the face of a miserable German-Sheppard. Seated at my kitchen table, I find that my mind is as scrambled as the eggs Sweet Benny makes for my breakfast. I'm tempted to crawl back into bed but Sweet Benny never wastes a morning, let alone a day.

Sweet Benny whistles away his concern as he scratches with a metal spatula at the residue of burnt egg at the bottom of the pan. I'm emitting pure scandal off my fur, I know he can smell it on me, but he's not so talkative right now. Instead he's slyly cheery within his own falsified security. My guilt makes him into a saintly figure as he stands in a morning portrait before me. Mother Nature, somehow scornful with my betrayal, creeps through our kitchen window and paints him in shimmering rays of the bright morning sun. It gives his golden Labrador fur this delicate shine, this glorious aura, and he becomes like an angel. And if he is the angel, then I have become the sinner. A sinner branded by the gripping hands of another; the presence of The Lion's sex still lingering brutishly across my fur.

I'm feeling dark on the inside but everything around me is so bright. Sweet Benny's chimes play tranquil tunes from outside the window as they commit to a wind dance alongside a bright blue sky. The sizzling of breakfast, the whistling of Sweet Benny, the gurgling of a second pot of coffee in process, even the gentle whir of the ceiling fan above all seem to join in with the chimes' chorus. It's harmony gnawing along the outer reaches of my mind.

My cell-phone vibrates loudly disturbing the peace as it rests beside my coffee. Sweet Benny turns around in curiosity but I steer away from his gaze, pawing the screen under the table so that he cannot see who it is.

We sure were animals last night. Weren't we? Just like old times. Missed you! -Cal

Sweet Benny flicks one of his ears, and although I'm not looking at him, I feel a glimpse of his momentarily felt sorrow as it twists along the fur on his face.

I don't want to talk about it. Benny and I are having breakfast. -John

The cell-phone vibrates again, but I hold it firmly in my paws in hopes it'll muffle the sound--it doesn't. I hear Sweet Benny take in a breath as though he is about to speak, but then he says nothing.

_Are you going to tell Benny? You are a fucking asshole if you don't. He's a good guy, you should apologise! -_Cal

I look up at Sweet Benny but he has returned to cooking breakfast. Suddenly the distance between the table and the stove seems to stretch.

Fuck off -John

Bzzt bzzt

No- Cal

A plate of scrambled eggs is placed in front of me and Benny is across the table with his own plate. Before when he was cooking breakfast with his back turned to me I could not see his face. But as we face each other now, in a lover's meeting before breakfast, I look into his dark blue eyes and I become aware to the well of tears beneath them. He is silently weeping under his sweet smile and it makes my heart sink.

"Benny, about last night, I--"

He interrupts me by raising a paw in the air and shaking his head, "Don't John. Just don't. Don't ruin this morning for me."

I shrink towards my eggs and take a bite even though I have no appetite. A clump of yellow falls heavy in my stomach and I begin to tread in the murky waters of last night. My memories are ice cold, they shiver me, and yet somehow the familiarity of the sensation feels oddly comfortable. Almost like coming home. Last night I was a creature of shame, Sweet Benny, a creature of shame.

Sweet Benny finds a smile somewhere inside of him as he wipes off a sniffling tear with a single paw finger. When he asks his next question, it comes with difficulty, but yet he says it pleasantly anyways "So...How was your night last night?"

"Well..."

A Creature of Shame:

"A story of conflicting identities and where we search to find them." -BeaverReturn

** The Party Animal Never Changes:**

** ** Well what does Benny say? -Cal

It was about 7 at night when Cal sent me a text message asking if I wanted to go out for his birthday. Sweet Benny and I had just cuddled onto the couch together, I laying into him, his arms around me, and together we scrolled through NetFlix trying to find a film to watch for the night. To no surprise it was Sweet Benny's proposition that we would have a night in tonight. I however was finding Benny's grasp all too tight around me.

Sweet Benny, Darling Benny, or The-Pinnacle-Of-Niceness Benny always purposed these kinds of romantic ideas every weekend night. It was not really his fault, it was his character, he was older than me, his fire was burnt out, he had enough of the dance-floor, and now he had found himself in a personal stage of life where he had become desperate in his search to settle down. I don't know what originally had attracted me to such a quiet dog. I guess it's easy to feel lost when stuck in the turbines of the dance floor twisting in the tongue sharing rotations of a new partner every night. It was good to be loved, to live like someone I was never meant to be, but after a while I could not doubt how illusionary it all really was. The layers of my own masks had been piling up, and together their weight had started to make my face sag. I could not keep like this forever, after-all I was born to be a creature of shame. Over the times we dated, Sweet Benny had proven this to me.

"Who's that?" Benny said as I brought my cell-phone from out of my pocket. ** **

** **"It's Cal's birthday today, he wants to go out."

Benny says its fine, but he has a meeting tomorrow morning so it's just you and I tonight stud.

_ _-John

"What did you reply back?" Benny's grip loosened around me, his body became stiff, his canine intuition prophetically betraying him.

"Well it's his birthday today so I better go out. We haven't seen each other for a while." I pushed myself away from Benny and then stood up from the couch. I tried to stay cool but I could not help my ears from instinctually sinking behind me.

Benny's letting you lose on the dance-floor by yourself? Haha! I hardly believe anyone could ever trust you to do that. -Cal

_ _ "Does it have to be tonight? I feel like I've barely seen you all week. Come on, would it not be nice to just have a night in together? You could always celebrate Cal's birthday another weekend..." Benny pleaded, but I knew he felt like he had already lost.

"No, I really miss Cal, I would really like to see him tonight. It's his birthday and he's one of my best friends." I turned foot and walked into our bedroom towards the closet. Distracting myself from Benny, I flipped through our shared closet trying to decide what shirts were mine and what shirts were Benny's.

"Well, okay, I'll come with you. We can share a few beers with Cal and wish him a happy birthday together."

I threw a pink dress shirt around my shoulders and splashed a sprit of Furlogne on myself. The chemical scent was pleasing to my nose but Benny seemed upset in finding its insinuation unfavourable. I turned around to give him a reassuring smile, but my charms held no tricks. Later that night, The Lion would smell my Furlogne and comment how it makes me smell like a slut, and I would love him for it.

"Yea, we could do that, but I know how you don't like going to the bar and I'm certain Cal is going to want to hit up the club. So yea, you know Cal..."

"No," Benny turned into his shoulder while simultaneously tightening his jowls and paws, "I don't like when YOU go to the bar." He growled at me aggressively before calming himself, "Look I'm sorry, but I've missed you, this is our one chance to be together all week and now you want to go out to the bar. At least let me come with you."

"What do you mean you don't like when I go to the bar?" I returned volley, rising in anger and crossing my arms, "Fuck you're a jealous type aren't you? You just want to parade me on your arm is that it? Can't be seen by myself because that means everyone would know that I'm not with you. Fuck, a week without you almost seemed like a blessing if only because it grants me some breathing room."

"John, please, don't be like this." Benny sighed grabbing my elbow as I passed, "John. Please." That tight grip, that last desperate grip from Benny would imprint my elbow with a band of regret. No matter how much I drank that night, the desperation of Benny's hold would never wash off my fur. Benny's tightening paw became like a vicious acid to burn me, his imprinting touch stuck to my elbow, it almost made me want to stay, but then I threw my arm up in protest and forced him to let go.

"Don't wait up for me. I'm coming home late."

"You're better than this John-" I heard him shout but I simply responded with a harsh slam of the door.

Calexander The Great

One sec, I'll buzz you in. -Cal

Like the young pups we were we laid on Cal's floor. With his head on my belly we let the room slowly fill with the smoke from duel joints. In one paw, I puffed a single refer and in the other paw I grasped a bottle of Jack Daniel's. The harsh whip of Jack's shots broke me from my emotionality while the pot I smoked scratched away my reality until I found myself sunken into the blessings of drunken inebriation. Cal's antique record player spun to the groove of our youthful high, turning out tunes of Bowie as we sang along, but only to the parts that we knew.

"We can be heroes..."Cal said laughing. The skinny femme, a panther with a flame like no other, had not even dressed himself yet. Instead he lay comfortably in the nude, a trusting gesture as I was his dear and closest friend. With a single paw finger he twirled my head-fur in appreciation to my company. I myself had started to scratch his chest, and in the solitude of our friendship we made a bubble to keep the rest of the world away from us.

"Just for one day..." I responded, giving him a squeeze as I hugged him close into me, "I missed you!"

"Shit." Cal got up. He had meant to do so quickly, but his recent ingestion of alcohol hindered him, "We got to get going. The bar doth beckon me, and I Calaxender the Great, doth beckon it. And in the shining night, filled with city advertisements so bright, we shall be made to reconcile each other. I will be its prey, doomed to sink within its beastly stomach, and it will be prey to me, doomed to face my beastly will. Come ho, dear John, there is merriment upon us."

Cal, born from a bohemian mother, spun towards his dresser. I stood up as well, coming up behind Cal and throwing my arms around him. With delicate fingers Cal searched his underwear drawer, I rolled my head against his neck, and in the air, through a process much like osmosis, David Bowie's "Modern Love" would absorb into the aroma of pot smoke and together they would swirl around the room in a display of wispy brilliance.

"What kind of guy do you think Orange underwear will attract?" He said throwing up tangerine boxer briefs.

"A big beefy bear with a wallet full of drinks just for you." I kissed Cal on the cheek.

"Ha, a Daddy for my birthday? Pleassse." He threw his paw on his chest, "And what about sky blue undies?"

"A straight jock looking to fulfill his swim-team homoerotic fantasies?" I guessed laughing into his ear as Cal's blue undies had always reminded me of a Speedo. I kissed Cal on the cheek again and then I began to grind my hip against his back. He murred lightly...

"Hm, sounds like drama to me." Both undies were returned to the drawer, "And what about a nice lacy thong?"

"A bastard German Sheppard with a need to give his friend a birthday present?" Drunken on both alcohol and the tent in my pants I spun Cal's light body around and pressed my mouth against his. He responded with a low, "Mmm" as we began to exchange tongues. Facing me, his free and nude erection grew against my own growing arousal as it protested the barricade of my dark jeans. My paw fell and I grasped his shaft, pawing him off only briefly before but he pushed me away,

"Oh no you don't lover boy! Not when you've got a nice guy like Sweet Benny waiting for you at home. You better watch yourself tonight or Benny's going to take away your party privileges. Then it'll just be Saturday night Scrabble for you!"

"Fuck Benny." I said as I stumbled backwards falling onto Cal's Bed, "I'd rather be out here with you then in bed with him."

"Fuck you, Benny's super hot, intelligent, charming, sexy, and super nice." Cal retorted counting his fingers, "A scoundrel like you is lucky to have a guy like him." Cal was right, he had a knack for always being right, even at the wrong times.

"Come on the relationship life is not for me Cal." Later that night, when The Lion's large paws finally fell into my pants I would know this to be remarkably true.

"No Cal, love is universal, love is for everybody."

"Been dreaming with Mr. Douglas Sirk again, Cal?"

"No, I'm dreaming with truth." Cal threw on a pair of Tighty Whities, "But if you are so determined to ruin your life, then cheat away tonight, I am NOT going to babysit you on my birthday, but do us both a favour, and keep that ready-to-launch rocket of yours away from me."

"You're a real sassy bitch Cal, and sometimes the act can get real fucking old." I groused.

"Whiskey got you feeling tough, hm? I'll keep an extra twenty in my cab for when I'm bringing your drunken ass home."

Diamond Dogs

Don't look now, but total hottie at my 2 OH'COCK. -Cal

The clear night skies of a Montreal weekend infused the streets with tremendous excitement. The night still young, the flood of furry bodies from one tip of The Village to the other seemed almost endless. But it would only be a matter of a few hours before the crowd would thin out and everyone would find themselves generically sorted into the bars of their own respective themes. The bears, who weren't always bears, would find themselves at the bear bars, the leather daddies, they of course preferred the leather bars and for the drag queens, well, they opted for karaoke duels if that's what it took to give them their few seconds of limelight. BUT, for us, for Cal and I, we preferred the places where we could most easily get laid.

A cooling breeze knocked around the decorative pink balls suspended above us as we waited to gain entrance into Diamond Dogs. Our favourite club, our lucky club, if you knew how to properly shake your tail on the dance floor then you'd rarely leave disappointed. Cal had finally settled on wearing a pink shirt that was beyond vibrant, and a pair of tight white pants. From across the street, a bull dog had been licking his lips at Cal, but I knew Cal was only teasing. I however had my eyes elsewhere. I was looking past the balls above us, past their pink, almost testicular shade, and into whatever stars you could see in the city lit sky. Cal's words gave me something to regret, I had begun to miss Sweet Benny's face, but that alone would not be enough. After all, I still would find myself being slowly pulled inside the club.

"Holy shit Cassidy!" and at those words Cal was gone the minute we entered the club. Before, in his room, he had referred to the dance floor as having a stomach, and I suddenly realized what he had meant when he seemingly became "swallowed" into its crowd. While Cal made his rounds, bouncing from one club-friend to the next (while also secretly scouting bodies), I made my way over to the bar. Sitting down I waved the bartender over, "Gin and Tonic", and then scouted the scene for myself. At the time Cal had convinced me that maybe I shouldn't cheat on Benny, but I had also convinced myself that there was no harm in looking.

The onslaught of music invaded the ears with a loud bass. If the dance floor was to be the stomach of the beast, then the low beats of the club-hits was its heart. As I turned my gaze towards the dance floor, the flashing lights of the club gave the illusion as though I was watching the spectacle through the slits of a zoetrope. Like watching flip-book animations, each person danced in jerk movements that collectively synthesized together until each body seemed to join as a whole form. The dance-floor looked almost alive, like a blob no different than your microscopic amoeba. Except it did not move towards you, you moved into it, because the truth was beyond its boundary was average life but inside that gelatin being was a heaven beyond normality; sweet distracting heaven, a labyrinth to become lost in.

The music continued to drone out the same old club beats. Like a serving of mashed potatoes, the hits were all smashed together while the DJ served it like a fountain of liquid mind-drain. But still it was not the music that people got lost in but the message behind the music, for when you heard its familiar tunes, you were homo and you were home. The sweet allure of another person's musk beside you was all it would take for you to drop your briefcase and fuck off for just one more night.

I pressed my gin and tonic to my lips, leaving a healthy tip for the bartender. He gave me a model's smile, and I did appreciate the gesture even if I was aware how fake his flirtations were.

'Why does Cal even bring me to the bar if he just leaves me at the first second? Damn kid has a wicked case of ADD' I thought to myself as I moved to the second floor balcony.

From the balcony view, green light lasers divided the dance floor into a grid. It made searching for Cal into a game of battleship, A1? Miss. D4? Miss. C6? Hello.

My eyes scoped in as I came upon The Lion's body. The Lion, tall like a giant, more feral then civilized, conquered himself a secure square on the dance floor. The night was young and yet he had already resorted to removing himself of his shirt which now hung off his belt loop like an extra tail. HIS hulking, mostly blonde, form not to be made limber was surprisingly well formatted on the dance floor. My aerial view of him, combined with obstructing light effects prevented me from seeing his whole picture, but if that was to be only an appetizer, then I immediately became hungry for the rest.

With Gin still in hand I descended the staircase quickly. When I returned to ground level, a lewd musk had filled the air around the dance floor. Air borne sexuality flooded the night once again, and as two ethereal fingers summoned me in a cartoon gesture, I soon found myself on the dance floor. I'm sure I had a second of regret, a brief instance of apprehension, but all of that ended as I raised my paws and dove into the depths of beguiling dance floor.

In the haze of something similar to dream shapes, various faces flashed around me as I sunk deeper within the dance floor. Open eyes, closed eyes, squinting eyes, matched eyes, hungry eyes, these were the gazes of pure ecstasy. These were the animals that were free, these were the animals who thrived in states of uncontrolled libido's, these were the animal's whose hips swung so seductively that they generated an electric allure to blind the senses dumb. Like a static field, sex, a physical haunting vision of sex, grew on the dance floor and I became shocked by its vicious lightning.

Cal already had found himself sandwiched between two lesbian, one behind him, a raccoon, the other in front of him, a giraffe. The giraffe, taller than the other two, awkwardly had her neck arched over Cal as she made out with the racoon. Sometimes Cal liked to believe himself a bisexual, but the truth was, everyone just believed he was a really bad lesbian.

Laughing to myself, I turned my head to find that beside Cal's ménage-a-trois was The Lion from before. From an opening in the dance floor I could get a better view of his brilliance. In an action of what little morality I could muster, I had tried to keep Sweet Benny's photograph imprinted in my memory, but when I saw him up close, the photograph folded like a paper plane and then flew away. In appearance alone, I knew he must have had warrior blood in his ancestry. His mane, his muscles, his musk, all told of Spartan battles from long ago where a lion similar to him would throw a spear deep into another fur's chest. Now, in modern days, he most likely threw a different kind of spear but I'm sure his technique would remain through genetics.

I studied him; I put him on a pedestal and I made his glory into a work of art. Was I obsessing? No, I was hungering. His dance cast a drunken spell and it hypnotized me with dark charms. His flow gave witness to the minute movements of his strength, the twisting of his body; his abstracting boogie worked his figure beyond itself and into realms of complete plasticity. He was a conquering general and the dance floor was where he was making his stand, and now inside the confines of one bubbled reality, there was a smaller bubble, a new world to explore, and on the event horizon of such lustre I found myself being sucked closer.

"You're better than this, John." Cal grabbed me on elbow but I shrugged him off. His grip was very similar to Benny's grip; it too had its lasting curse.

His orbit captivating, I fell towards him by demand of Newtonian law. Time had lapsed into a slow decay as I approached him. Maybe my own adrenaline had drugged me, or maybe I approached him in a state of dream-waking, or maybe perhaps he was a godly apparition and I was merely falling into a state of meditation. From the end of a bright tunnel he was calling me. I was a moth to a flame.

His eyes, predatory gold eyes met mine, and then time no longer was in lapse but stalled completely as he considered me. But then a wryly smile invited me forward, large arms pulled me in even closer, and as I became stuck by what must have been gravitational force I sunk into the gyrations his mating dance. Hip against hip, muzzle against muzzle, eye to eye, he melted me, made me like clay and then shaped me into something completely different. His sex was candle wax and it dripped off him hot and ready. It was the exact opposite of Benny's sex, which was a lot like a rubber band, sure you could stretch it but it would always snap back into the same thing.

Benny...Sweet Benny,

"I have a boyfriend." I murmured in his ear as a large Lion paw drove up my crotch. A momentary gain in morality immediately became corrupted by a teasing squeeze,

"And yet your furlogne makes you smell like a slut" His voice was a dark tease as his paw squeezed even tighter. He was massive, his grip was strong, he was a portrait artist of corruption and I was his sitter. I could no longer contain my inner beast; The Lion had found the key to my cage, and now rampant did my sexuality roam.

Tongue met tongue in a devil's dance. The exchange of wet muscle, the taste of his saliva, the slight push of higher demands, accelerated eroticism as the club around us faded away. It all seemed to fall into ash; it all seemed to burn, nothing seemed to be able to protect itself from his inferno being. In the background, the music around me became like a sadist chorus, hissing at me as though it was coming from an observing audience of cultists,

"Don't hold back." The song urged and I was all too willing to comply as The Lion began to undo my jean's snap granting the arousal beneath some more growing room.

"The time has come to...." The lion's paw began to slide down my navel passed the band of my underwear. His slow moving paw, a vicious play, forced me to submit to both the demands of my blood-filling genital and the one who had captivated it. My mind became hierarchal, The Lion was on top, my cock was in the middle, and sweet Benny was in the gutter.

"Push the button." My red was grabbed by his large paw and I felt him smile through our kiss. Slowly at first he worked my cock on the dance-floor. As he held my horn in his pumping paw, I could no longer escape him. But why then would I want to escape him? The minute he had kissed me, I had never felt a time for regret, I have never needed a moment to change my heart, nor did I have a sudden realization that I had loved Sweet Benny all along. I only felt desire for The Lion more and although the tides of morality did roll, a call for decency did cry, a lamenting of principal did deride, it was just firecracker sparks within a nuclear explosion; a scratch on the hide of a much more leviathan demand.

I zipped him down, snaked through his underwear and returned his pawing gesture. In the centre of the dance floor we mutually pawed each other, the sight of our genitals hidden by the shadow of our bodies that became like curtains to contain our lust. "You like my cock don't you?" A feline tongue ran up the side of my neck. I thought about how wrong all of this was but I also thought about how right it felt. I worshiped every inch of his thick, hard, extension, making sure that no part of my paw went unused as I gave him a dance floor cock massage. When my paw would come to the head of his dick, I felt the pre that spurted from him. He was hard, he was horny, and he was ready to fuck, so I told him,

"Your cock is perfect."

I continued to paw him, but eventually he had moved his paw around to play a finger over my hole. At first he rubbed, testing the ground, but then after a thick coat of his own saliva he would return to prod me with his middle paw-finger. As he finger fucked me on the dance floor, what first felt like an uncomfortable violation soon had me relenting to its enjoyable and repeating penetrations. I soon found pleasure in becoming his bitch.

"The alley." I whispered--I cried into his ear, "Take me in the alley."

The Lion licked the side of my neck and put himself away.

"Meet me there."

I fastened my jeans and turned to see Cal behind me. I felt a firm slap whack me across the face.

"Don't. Fucking. Do. It." He yelled over the music, before slapping me again. The double mark of his paw stung my face, but still I could not see reason. Cal's eyes were electric, galvanized by sure passion, a love for his friend and a white-knight decree forced Cal into giving a shit, and yet as unbounded as his benevolence was I was a creature of shame. Cal could have slapped me a thousand times and Sweet Benny still would not return to my mind.

With a menacing stare I turned my back sharply to Cal and walked outside of the club, around a sharp corner, and then walked into the shadows of The Alley. As opposed to the club, The Alley was hushed into almost near silence. For those that were in The Alley, did what they did in soft whispers for fear that they could be caught: A terrifyingly exciting sentiment! It was where the light of the streets could not reach that marked where The Alley began. In The Alley the silhouette of others hid identity but did not hide deed, it was all just shadows fucking in The Alley, and this is where I saw the Lion yet again.

Within the darkness I could not see much, but my nose caught his smell, and as I approached him I swayed a paw over his bulged jeans. I was pleased to see that he was still hard. I let the Spartan general take leadership, and silently I obeyed every command of his slight body gestures: a paw on my shoulder pushed me down, a paw across my face made me release the fly of his jean once more, and a paw on the back of the neck pushed my muzzle over his demanding erection.

He seemed to hit the very back of my throat when I initially tried to take his entire cock in my mouth. Was his cock the biggest cock I ever had? No. But still it was enough. Up and down I bobbed my head along his member, a large grasping paw behind my skull guiding me as his strong rocking hips pushed his spear even deeper past my threshold. He was ruling in his thrusts, he made sure I knew that my head was his to fuck, and that my head would only be used for fucking. And so I gave him what he wanted, I became his sex toy and turned off my mind for the night.

But even in the emptiness that I let my mind become, Sweet Benny's star really had never stopped twinkling. It flickered like a diamond in an oil spill, perhaps it had lost some of its lustre, perhaps its glassy surface was tarnished, but like a light bulb on the verge of burning out, somehow it still had some life in it yet. Sweet Benny was a diamond dog; he shined in even the darkest of worlds.

Be Gone Diamond Dog

Turn your mind on you fool. It does not have to be like this. -Cal

I ignored the vibrating cell phone in my pants, for my mind, my body, was busy pleasuring the thick spear of The Lion. Behind him his tail swished along the alley floor, dusting dirt away as though it was a broom sweeping through an attic. I could feel the imprinting pulse of his leg muscles' rigor as I grabbed onto them for support, a mouthful of organ forced wide my jaw. The bridge of his muzzle was now rigid along his nose, his eyes closed tight, as the sound of his panting, the sound of a hunter's fierceness, seemed to audibly glow from deep within him.

"Stop." He growled pulling my mouth away, "Stand up, turn around."

I wiped a forearm over my mouth and did as he said. Roughly he pulled me towards the wall of the alley, throwing an arm around my neck as I became squeezed between his hulking and the brick wall in front of me. He nipped at the back of my neck, a low growl vibrating from deep within his lungs, while one of his large paws tugged my pants downward.

"Yea, yea, that's a nice ass." He said with hunger.

Releasing me, he glided his body downwards until his muzzle was at level with my anus. A tongue like a moist wave drew up my crack, followed by another, another, and another. I fell flat with my face against the brick wall, cooing in simplistic "oh's" and "ah's," my primitive words inspired within a mind that had became deviated by primal animalistic lust. I felt refreshment in this world I had sunken into, sex without sentiment, promiscuity with only pleasure, lust without love. The lion's lashing tongue had proven to me that this was the world I was meant to live in; this was the creature I was born to be,

Benny...this creature, this is who I am, this creature of shame.

My tail was grasped firmly in The Lion's paw as a round bit of flesh prodded my hole. Large arms came up to wrap around me as he hugged me into his body and slowly began to push forward. His breath was hot on the back of my neck. At first push his head seemed to pop in, and then he let slide the rest of his length. I moaned as I felt myself take his entire cock.

Once I had been properly impaled, he quickened his pace, the rocking of his hips accelerating, the hard pushes of his gigantic body diving harder and harder. The sound of our slapping flesh filled the dank alleyway and I started to screech like a banshee as I called out my lusty proclamations. Traditionally the affairs of the alley were meant to be silent, but as the lion drilled me, I could not adhere to tradition, I wanted our sex to be loud, I wanted to be heard.

Slapping paws grabbed my side as I leaned along the walls of the dirty alleyway. The huffing of the lion behind me ecstatically energized as he made good use of my hole. His thrusts were like lightning, and on each pound he would send shivers through my body. I felt possessed by a great power, I felt demonized by unholy deeds, I felt the abyss of the dark night, but most importantly, I felt like myself, I felt like a creature of shame.

The lion clamped down onto the back of my neck biting down hard and then releasing his jaw before letting out a thunderous growl that seemed to ignite the alleyway. The lion pulled himself out of me and arched his ejaculation onto the fur of my back. Hot spurts of seed rained down on me and then congealed into my fur finding rest within their sticky mess.

Gasping onto the grit of the brick wall, I paused momentarily to catch my breath. Eventually I turned around to meet eyes with my nightly fling only to soon realize that he had already left. All the remained was his sticky presence, the bite on my neck, and the phantom gripping paws that seemed to now haunt my body. My legs suddenly gave way and I fell into the dirt of the alleyway with my back against the wall. The alley seemed to have cleared out when the Lion and I had started our act, and now in the sodden mud of the soiled passage did I feel isolation in my lewdness. The soggy grime on my rump shivered me with a cold chill and as soon as my erection died I became aware to the whispering loneliness that had always been against my ear.

"A creature of shame" I reassured myself, "A creature of shame." And then my elbow had begun to itch.

As I turned to look down the entranceway I noticed that Cal had come to find me. My heart jumped when I saw my old friend. But as he came near me he did not offer a paw to help me up but instead he began to speak,

"Ladies and gentleman, what we have here is the illustrious creature of shame." Cal placed a hand on his chest and talked towards an invisible audience behind me. His paw opened, he presented me to their inexistent bodies with grandiose showmanship, "Look at him now, soiled by the muddy ground to which he rests. If you asked him why he would choose such a peculiar place to reside, he would tell you home is where the lust is. If you smell his fur, you'll smell the scent of many. The stains of companionship dwelling on his fur like the barnacles on a whale's side. This is like a postcard stamp for him, for the creature of shame is truly worldwide." Cal leaned down and tapped my chest, "There is no hearth in his home. There is only an infinite number of bedrooms. He is like a human brothel. Stay with him a while, but don't forget to runoff before he asks you to pay your rent. For love is a currency best left in the bank."

"Cal? Please stop. Just help me up." I lifted a paw up but Cal slapped it away. I lowered my ears turning my head into my shoulder.

"The natural predator of the creature of shame is those with a capacity to love. It is in their practise of romantic indoctrinations that creatures of shame find themselves most scared. For dust in the sun is more beautiful when stirred but a nuisance when lying still. It is counterintuitive to find pride in shame, and yet the creature of shame has many peacock feathers. Take a picture of them at night however and the next day the feathers will be gone, because the truth is, like a rainbow spectrum during a cloudy day, the feathers are an illusion, because shame is shame, and no one belongs within its realm. "

"Stop the act. I just want to go home." I whined.

"Love and strength comes from others; loneliness and weakness comes from yourself." Cal threw a paw down and helped me up.

The Street Oddity

I'm going to bed. I hope I'll see you in the morning. Please be safe. Please come home. -Benny

Paw in paw Cal brought me out of the shadows of the alley and into the streets once again. But when I had returned to the outside of the Diamond Dogs club, Cal vanished when I turned my head away from him for a brief second. I looked down at my clothes, they were filthy, I looked at my fur, it was ruffled, then I looked to my paws, they were shaking so hard, and then I started to weep.

The streets had emptied in the last hours of the night and in my newly felt solitude only the feeling of The Lion's lasting embrace would keep me company. And what terrible company it kept. Like constricting vines it bound me in time so that I never could escape our alley escapades. The imprint of his touch served as a constant refresher to the feelings of shallow glory that quickly lost its patina. Only minutes ago I had found myself within an orgasmic high, but that was all over, my peacock feathers had fallen, and now I was suffering in angst. My rump fell down again and I sat on the sidewalk crying into my paws.

But just as I had begun to self loathe, I was disturbed by a herd of traveling youth. Collectively their teenage bodies journeyed down towards the end of The Village as they hoot and hollered in acts of nightly celebration. Within their parade they teased various instruments, and although no song was really orchestrated, the sounds they playfully made seemed kind enough. Joining their procession I too began to walk.

Within the group, drag queens laughed in sparkling sequins, lovers held paws, friends hugged each other close, and those who found themselves without company just twirled and danced. My weeping had ended, my sniffling had seized, and as the rising sun broke on the horizon of a new day, I began to sing, to laugh, and I too started to believe in the call that the others around me heard.

"Buona Sera!" Cal said hugging me from behind, "Isn't it wonderful! We're just like animals!"

"We are animals." I corrected Cal and we both started to laugh.

"Sweet Benny is waiting for you. Let's get you home."

"Yes. He is."

**

Over the course of breakfast I finish telling Benny about last night. I don't spare any details for in a compulsive need for (perhaps) redemption, I feel this overwhelming desire to speak the whole truth. Benny had stopped eating when I had begun to speak, never finishing his breakfast, but now that the story was over, he began to chew once again.

"Well?" I say with anticipation

"Well what?" Benny replies taking another bite of breakfast.

"What happens now?"

Benny drops his fork and it pings loudly as it hits the plate, "What do you think will happen?" He mutters with a tinge of anger.

"Can you," there is stillness between us as the chimes outside fill the void with a tingling ring, "you know, forgive me?"

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. When he opens them again his lower eye lids are moist. His emotions are indecisive, does he want to be mad at me, is he about to be overcome by sadness, or will he pacify it all, and continue to try and fake happiness? Betrayal has harshly stung him and I cannot predict how he will act,

"I have no forgiveness to give." My heart sinks as Benny continues, "I've heard your story, and I can't help but feel that you did all this to hurt me. And why? Well perhaps I'd gotten too close." He stammers a bit, he's holding his emotion back, "Just tell me, what you did in that alley-- was it really all a backlash against me?"

"No, I was just being stupid. Really stupid." I reassured, "I don't know where my head was at!"

"Perhaps I was forcing you into something you didn't want to be, that you weren't ready to be. So I cannot forgive you, but I also cannot forgive myself. To think I found our time together so special, only to have you feeling so constricted--I guess I was blinded by desperation. I guess I hoped that one day you would love me like I loved you. But that's a joke now isn't it."

I leap out of my chair and dive towards Benny, hugging him tightly, "No, it's not like that. It's not!"

"You broke my heart when you walked out on me last night and your story today is certainly not healing any wounds. I don't know if my love for you is worth the pain you brought to me last night. I don't want to break up with you, but I can't go on having you hurt me like this. You gotta promise to me, my love," Sweet Benny's paw pats me along my head as I weep into his lap, "my poor, poor love, that you will not do this to me again."

"I won't, I won't! Please Benny, I love you."

Sweet Benny falls silent as the sound of my weeping becomes muffled by his lap. Time passes as the morning sun draws upwards towards the afternoon sky, and yet we are still frozen in this tableau. But as my tears begin to dry our lips eventually meet and a white-wash cascades over my fur. I no longer am tainted by the Lion's strong paws, Sweet Benny has filled my heart once more, and I no longer am a creature of shame but now a creature of love.

--

Well isn't this a cutesy story? And not a single character died at the end to boot. Did I even write this? I think I did. Still it seems a bit off from my usual style given its happy ending and all. Actually, I nearly had John and Benny break up in the end but in doing so I think I would have ended it with the insinuation of a coming sequel, and I don't think I'll be writing a sequel anytime soon. I don't like writing sequels to my work. As for my inspiration behind the story, I've been trying to write something as a response to the show, "Queer as Folk" for a while. I have my own ideas about the show and I think you can see traces of it through-out this story. As for the actual story, I had started writing this on a night where all my friends were going to the bar but I had to stay home because of work in the morning. So the story originally had started off as a kind of fantasy fulfillment for me, but interestingly enough, as the story went through its changes, I found myself writing a more shadowed version of what I originally wanted to write.

I really do want to go into discussion about the ideas I was trying to bring forward in this story but I feel like that would ruin the fun for YOU as a reader. That being said, I'm free for a chat if you feel inclined to discuss my story. Then again there is always the comments section. The DELICIOUS COMMENTS SECTION.

Some references made in this story include, David Bowie (of course!), The Chemical Brothers' Galvanize and a scene directly stolen/adapted from Federico Fellini's Nights of Cabiria. I had chosen to reference this scene not only because Fellini is one of my favourite directors, but this scene (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0Vsa-ognSM) is possibly of the most beautiful endings in cinema...EVER! And more people should know about it. Oh and my thumbnail/cover photo is taken from Las Meninas by Diego Velazquez. I just loved the Dog's expression as the little girl kicks him and thought it worked with the ideas in my story.

Anyways, I'm on the verge of overcoming sickness right now so I think that will be all. THANK YOU for reading. Feel free to give me a watch, a favourite, or even tell what you thought in the comments section. THE DELCIOUS COMMENTS SECTION. When will be my next story? Who knows? I've got a lot of projects ahead of me and I don't know when I'll be writing something furry next.