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Hey youguys. It's meee, your resident sappy, queer hyena dude, reporting for duty! *salute*

Episode 13, for everyone's enjoyment! If you're new, Episode 1 is to the left. To the left, to the left! Everything you want in the link to the left! Oh dear, I can't start that, if I do I'll never stop... Quick, start reading before it gets stuck in my head!

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_ Friday. _

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"Here you go..." the wolf said, passing a mug to the raccoon. Jonathon took it with both paws, huffing his breath over the top to cool and disperse the steam. He took a slurp.

Brad sat down next to him with his own mug of tea. He seemed like he wanted to put his arm around the other male. Jonathon was thankful that he didn't. It would have felt nice... but it would have made his feelings even more complicated.

The wolf was quiet, too, as though he thought it a bad idea to say anything... much though he might want to stammer this and that. Jonathon felt like he understood the guy that much, at least. Brad seemed... tense. Frustrated. Anxious. His presence at the raccoon's side was like a high-voltage power line, a guitar string wound up too tight.

The raccoon had put his pants back on properly, but he was still shirtless; Brad was similarly attired. The lights were on now, in the kitchen, casting a warm glow out over the dark futon and its two occupants.

Buzzkill. Of epic proportions.

The wolf kept himself quiet, with some perceptible difficulty, and just watched the raccoon drink his tea. Jonathon's mind was running all over the place, in sluggish loops and rapid starts, all varieties of abrogated mental tracks. It was horrendous.

He sipped his tea. Shivered a little.

"I just..."

He watched the wolf jerk to attentiveness.

"...well... I mean... It just... it's... moving a little... too fast, for me," Jonathon admitted, squirming. "I mean... I've only known you a few days... And I like you, and I think you're sexy, but I just..."

"I understand," Brad said, audibly disappointed, whether by the vanishing possibility of having sex or by the raccoon's feelings of discomfort, Jonathon wasn't sure.

"Sorry..."

"It's okay." Brad gave his shoulder a sympathetic rub, and grimaced. "No big deal."

"Shouldn't've... lead you on or whatever I was doing." Teaslurp.

"You didn't."

Hah. Right. Jonathon wasn't really sure why he'd been so... responsive. Brad kissed him, he kissed back. Brad made out with him, he made out back.

Brad acted like he wanted to bang. He acted right back. Never mind that he was nervous as fuck, trembling and shy and not really knowing what was happening to him, what this wolf was doing to him, what this guy was going to do to him. Never mind that he wasn't sure whether he wanted to find out this very night.

Scared.

Teagulp.

And Brad was so attractive and had gotten him so excited and it had been such a damn letdown, to be scared. He didn't want to be scared! He wanted to be happy! He wanted to have good sex with a good wolf and feel good about it!

Scared.

Scaredy-coon.

Poor Brad. He'd been so worked up.

Probably thinks I'm a real cocktease now, Jonathon thought to himself. Though I guess that's a pretty accurate characterization.

Tease. Teas.

And he'd been excited for this! All afternoon, excited. Eager, even. Not scared. Anticipation, readiness. Maybe a little nervous, but nothing unexpected. Brad was his boyfriend, and he liked his boyfriend, and they were going to do what boyfriends do when they can get a few minutes alone. First time with somebody new, always good fun, for sure.

Scared. So damn scared. He'd nearly had a heart attack when Brad had gotten into his pants, had sat there on the wolf's bed having a minor breakdown while the other male shut the curtains and the door and generally acted like he was about to have some wild sex.

And there was no one else in the room he could be intending to have it with.

His cock had liked the idea, poking out of his sheath a little (it had gone kinda soft when the wolf undid his pants, due to the sudden spike in his nervousness). His brain, on the other hand, had its own inexplicable analysis of the situation.

He barely even knew Brad. Some big scary wolf guy who thought he was all sorts of sexy, who ground his hard cock against the raccoon's legs and kissed in a way that left Jonathon out of breath and out of his element. Some dude he'd spent a half-hour with on Monday, a single phone conversation, a few hours of date, a coffee night, a couple minutes on a bench. Less than ten hours total. This time last week, he hadn't even known Brad existed.

But he felt so good about this guy! About this thing! He liked Brad, a lot, and wanted to be with him and cuddle with him and kiss him and make out with him and...

And the nervousness started building, with each one.

Tea in mouf. Swallow.

Maybe they could just play around? Trade muzzles, no, that was scary too, or paw each other a bit?

Wrapping his paw around this big guy's dick? Yeek!

It was damn confusing, because in spite of that reaction, that churning in the pit of his stomach... he felt his cock throb a little. It was still a little out of his sheath, partly hard, and thinking about the wolf next to him (and the fact that he had a dick) was enough to make it stop going down, and start going back up, hovering somewhere in that middle zone.

So what the hell's your problem?

Dammit, he'd never been scared of Greyson, for chrissakes. Sure, they'd never had sex, so it was different, but if the heterosexual rodent had (for whatever reason) decided to give it a try one day, Jonathon would have been about as nervous as he was athletic. He would have practically torn his own clothes off.

So what the hell was his problem?! What was so scary about Brad, his lupine scowl? His broad shoulders? His teeth?

No, those all got little cocktwitches. Brad was just damn handsome. Jonathon wanted to fool around with a guy like that.

Well, there was one ready and willing and sitting next to him, so why...?

Teeeeas.

Why hadn't he said something sooner? Why hadn't he said maybe they should watch a movie together or something? Why hadn't he said walking toward the car that he was nervous? Why hadn't he been more hesitant, earlier in the day when Brad mentioned it? Was he that much of a liar?

Just how easy would it have been, to pretend he was enjoying himself right through an entire sexual encounter? Pretend he wasn't scared shitless? Pretend he was... sure that he wanted to be doing this? When he... wasn't... sure...

Jonathon didn't really want to think about that. He imagined the consequences for their relationship would be pretty dire, after faking something like that. He wanted to have a good relationship with this wolf. Sabotaging it was not a good idea. Unintentional sabotage. Subconscious sabotage. His brain trying its best to make him do something that would ruin everything.

He wondered exactly how much that part of him was capable of. It was pretty terrifying, to consider.

Sabotage with a smile. Just don't let on how bad you feel and Brad won't have to know. Christ.

He hadn't done that, though. For all it would disappoint the wolf, he'd managed to say it. He didn't want to have sex. Not today, at least. Not yet.

He was too scared. He couldn't go through with it. He just couldn't.

Jonathon drained the last of his tea, and set the mug on the table. His paws hung between his knees, when he put them down, matching the hanging of his head. He glanced to Brad sideways; the wolf had been very quiet.

"You doin' okay?" Brad asked softly, his deep voice rumbling and rough.

"Yeah..." Jonathon said, with a small grimace. "Sorry."

"I told you, it's okay," Brad said. "If tonight isn't the night, then tonight isn't the night."

Jonathon mmphed a bit. "I don't think tonight's the night."

"All right." Brad gave him a soft shoulderrub, and sighed a little. "Fine with me. I don't want to do anything you don't want to do."

They sat there in silence for a moment.

"...Do... you want me to take you home?" Brad asked quietly.

Jonathon stared at the carpet. Thought about it.

"...Yeah..." he whined, finally. Miserably. He didn't want that at all... but there was nothing else to do.

Brad sat still for a moment longer, and then got up and began fetching things, like their shirts, like his keys, like their jackets. Jonathon got himself fully dressed again, eyes glued to the floor. They left the apartment.

The car was dark and quiet. Jonathon hugged his arms around himself, remembering how different the ride over here had been. The way they'd made out in the parking garage. The way they'd held paws atop the parking brake.

They weren't holding paws now.

It was like the entire night had been a failure. Like what Jonathon had done had caused everything leading up to this to become the prologue to some disaster.

Had it been a disaster? It certainly hadn't been a smashing success...

Jonathon didn't like to think of it as a mission failed... but he couldn't help but wonder, as he watched cars pass, as he watched Brad steering, all adult and solemn and silent. What did Brad think? He'd said it was okay... He'd said...

They parked behind the dorm. "I'll walk you up," Brad said.

Jonathon let him, this time.

They took the stairs up. It was fairly quiet within the halls, everyone was out getting drunk or hiding in their dorms, the way Jonathon often did on nights like this. Sometimes he'd do laundry. Friday nights are a great time to do laundry, no one else does it then.

Down the hall, turn the corner, Jonathon fumbled for his keys. The room was dark. His roommate was gone. Probably out getting drunk with his English major buddies.

Jonathon padded in. Brad followed. The raccoon sat down on his bed, paws on his knees, and looked up to see the wolf standing just within the doorway, holding it ajar.

"I, uh... I guess I'll see you later, then?" Brad asked, uncertainly. No one in the room was certain exactly how much damage had been done to things between them.

Jonathon looked at him. This guy. His boyfriend. "Yeah..."

Brad grimaced. Probably still frustrated. "Kay. Goodnight, then." He turned to go.

Jonathon could almost hear it. 'Damn raccoon. What an asshole.' Leading him on and then leaving him hung out to dry.

The raccoon watched his boyfriend pull the door open, step out, turn, turn, turn, door closing...

"Brad?"

Door pause. He couldn't see the wolf look back at him, there was only a blurry chink of light.

"Oh, gosh, Jonathon..."

Brad came back in and closed the door, and then quickly came over to sit beside him, one arm wrapping around his shoulders.

Jonathon wiped his eyes with his wrist, bitterly frustrated with himself. "Stay..." he whimpered. "Please stay... just for a little bit, just so I don't feel..."

"Of course I'll stay," Brad rumbled, rubbing his shoulder.

The affection wrenched a little sob out of the raccoon. "Oh Brad, I was so n-nervous, I'm sorry, I didn't m-mean to..."

"It's okay," the wolf soothed, holding him gently. "It's okay. I should have known better. I shouldn't've let things move as fast as they were moving." He paused. "That... I don't think that was good for either of us, honestly."

"I just..." Jonathon took a breath, drying his eyes again. "I just feel like I barely kn-now you, and it's all been so damn formal and contrived and, and..."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Brad mumbled, reflecting on the stilted nature of their interactions up to that point. All dates and arrangements and neat discourse, like they'd been following some handbook titled The Mo?t Re?pected Etiquette of Courting Ari?tocratic Young Men. Not a book Brad would ever read.

"I want to just g-get to know you, Brad... An', an' I want to want you, before I... before we... I mean, I want it now, but I don't... really want it, and I l-like you and I w-want to feel..."

Brad gently took the raccoon's head in his paws, curling around the other male's jaw.

"I want to feel..."

Brad brought his nose close, gave the raccoon a little nuzzle on his own.

Jonathon kissed him. Just a little one, just to make himself feel better. He didn't want to tease the poor guy any more.

The wolf gave him a little smile at that, and ruffled his dark gray headfur. "Whatever you want is fine with me... as long as you still want to give 'us' a shot," Brad said.

"I want to do that!" Jonathon expelled, emotional, and gave the wolf a big hug, sniffling and rubbing his face against the other male's chest. Brad hugged him back, stroking his back and nuzzling his head.

"Alright. We can be more informal, then, if you'll be more comfortable with that." Brad drew back, offered him a smile. "We can just hang out. Enjoy being together, and not have any... expectations."

"I'd like that..." the raccoon said softly. He'd stopped crying, though the sides of his muzzle were still wet.

"We can text more, too. And how about facebook? You use that?"

Jonathon gave a little nod.

"I'll add you, then, and we can talk on there, too." Brad smiled. "Good way to get to know people. Just talk to them a lot."

"I should have said something way sooner..." Jonathon mumbled, rubbing one eye and staring at Brad's knees. "I shouldn't've lead you on like that, I should have said... I'm sorry, Brad..."

"I told you, it's okay." Brad smiled a little. "I'm just glad you trust me enough to be honest with me about how you feel." He drew the raccoon's chin up, so the other would look at him, and gave a sincere smile. "That means a lot!"

Jonathon smiled back, eyes still watery, at the wolf's infectious idealism. "I... I like you, Brad."

"I like you too, honey." Brad nuzzled him in the face again, and just held him gently, stroking his silky fur. "You just scared the bejeezus out of me is all."

The raccoon gave a little huffing chuckle at that, cuddling against the wolf a little now. It felt nice; it was comforting, and he was rid of the expectation that he had to pay for it with... something he wanted, but not yet.

"Seriously. I was all ready to get your clothes off and you said stop and it scared the piss right out of me. I mean, what if we'd gone just a little further than we did; how would you feel then?"

"Not too great," Jonathon said quietly.

"Exactly." Brad held him tighter. "You were just trying to do the right thing, and you got confused, and thought that disappointing me would be worse than doing something you weren't ready for. But that's not right, okay?" The wolf gave him a deep, earnest look. His eyes were such a nice shade of blue.

Jonathon nodded hesitantly.

Brad gave him a little nuzzle, almost like a reward for the nod. "Now, I like you a lot, and I think you're really cute, and I think I'll like... having fun with you. But I want to do stuff what's nice for you." Another earnest look. "I don't want you to be scared or something. If you're not enjoying it, if you're nervous, if you want me to stop, or just to slow down... I want that too. Anything that makes you feel better about... about anything we're doing. You don't have to go along with me just to satisfy me, or something. I don't want you to. So don't hold stuff inside like that. Okay?"

"I know... it's just so complicated... feelings and all..." Jonathon sighed. "I wasn't going to just not say anything, only it took a while to... figure out what to say. And why I was feeling so... apprehensive. And whether stopping was really what I wanted, or what exactly I wanted, or what I didn't want..." He paused, and then shook his head. "I don't even know what I'm saying."

"Well..." Brad nudged him in the nose. "You're pretty special to me, you know. And if maybe you need some time to figure out what you want that to mean, and when... I'll give you as much time as you like."

Jonathon nodded slowly, looking quite a bit consoled. "All right." He gained a slight air of embarrassment. "Glad we got the whole boyfriend thing worked out at least."

"Heheh." Brad hesitated. "As long as you're still... okay with it."

"You kidding?" Jonathon murmured, wrapping his arms closer around the wolf's torso. "Dunno how this would have turned out, if we hadn't already decided that. Having it an official thing, a commitment, makes it so much less intimidating. I wanna be with you. And I wanna... do things with you, too."

He looked up at the wolf, and Brad grew quite still, gazing down at the cute raccoon guy in his arms.

"I... I want to..." Jonathon whispered huskily. "I'm just... too scared. But just give me a bit longer, and then... I promise..."

Brad sucked in air. Huffed it out in the other male's face. Jonathon could smell his arousal; the same scent he'd been able to catch earlier on.

"O-okay..." the wolf stammered, and broke the gaze they were sharing with visible effort. "I... I understand."

They sat there, panting, as the intensity of the moment lessened.

"You don't have to promise anything," the wolf remarked, when he'd calmed down.

"Sorry," Jonathon offered, again; this time he sounded more bashful than anything else. He hadn't meant to be teasing again.

"You keep apologizing to me, and you're gonna be," the wolf growled, smiling at him a little. "It's not a big deal, okay? Gee, you wanna make me regret everything I did tonight?"

"No," the raccoon said, with a bit of a smile. "I have to say I enjoyed lots of it even so. Kissing you is nice. Nothing to regret there."

Brad smiled back at that. "Well, that's good, at least." He gave the raccoon a little kiss on the nose, and Jonathon returned it a second later.

After a moment, the wolf sighed. "I should probably go."

"Okay." Jonathon scooched back so he could stand up. "Thanks for... staying here with me."

"Of course..." Brad murmured, looking at him from a few feet away. "I wasn't about to leave you here like that."

Jonathon opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the door opening. Both males jerked their heads toward it in surprise, just as the lights flicked on.

A scrawny gray fox was standing there in a white polo and khaki cargo pants. He was even shorter than Jonathon, and much skinnier, as well. He had long, smooth headfur and small brownish-red eyes, big ears and bony paws.

"Oh. Hi, Jonathon," he said. What he saw was a raccoon sitting on a bed, looking at a wolf, who was standing and looking back. Nothing suspicious.

The raccoon blinked. "H-hi, Riley. Uh. Brad, this is my roommate Riley. Riley, this is... my friend Brad."

Brad nodded politely, trying not to broadcast 'I've had my tongue in your roommate's mouth!', just in case the vulpine male happened to be telepathic. Never hurt to be careful about these things.

The small fox peered up at the big, dark-furred wolf, somewhere between gray and black. Geez, he's imposing, come to look at him... Jonathon reflected. Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley...

"Hello," Riley offered, tone cool... but then, he was always like that.

The fox wandered unsteadily toward his desk. Yup. Drunk. Good, he probably hadn't noticed anything amiss, then.

"Your friend gonna be here long?" Riley asked, pawing over his desk.

"I was just leaving," Brad replied.

"Good, I wanna go to sleep, and Jonathon's the only one I'll take my clothes off'n front of."

Jonathon rolled his eyes. Brad wasn't sure whether to laugh or not; the fox's voice was quite serious.

"Yeah, we share this deep bond of trust," the raccoon retorted sarcastically.

"Wif possible homo-er-otic subtext," Riley observed, not entirely fluidly. This time, Brad did laugh.

"How much did you drink, anyway?" Jonathon asked, crossing his arms, a small smile rising in his face. "It usually takes a fair amount before you start talking about homoerotic subtext."

"That was once, and it was Whitman." The fox's serious tone dropped into exasperation.

"And that time when you told me about... what was it... the one based on Oscar Wilde..."

"The Green Cur-nation."

"Yeah, that's it." Jonathon grinned and threw Brad a gleeful glance.

"Whish I only read," Riley continued, leaning on his desk and gesturing vividly with a paw, "Because it was one of the options fer the report on succés de scandale. An' it was the shortest option." His slightly slurred voice had a bit of a southern twang to it, even beside the weird tone shifting the alcohol produced.

"Right, right," Jonathon said, and threw Brad another grin. The wolf raised an eyebrow in query. Jonathon shook his head, chuckling silently.

"...Kay," Brad said delicately, a small grin on his muzzle. "I'll text you later tonight, right, Jon?"

"Alright." Jonathon's voice softened, and he gave the wolf a meaningful look. "See ya later."

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This one was very personal for me to write... because in the past, I've also had trouble saying "This is moving too fast for me." It's really an awful feeling... But, Jonathon did the right thing and said it anyway. It's much worse if you keep your mouth shut.

I hope the lack of sex after my (rather mean, I know) hinting in Episode 11 was not too much of a letdown. There will be plently of sex in FA... but we're not to that point in the story yet.

Incidentally, this turn of events was the very first part of FA's story, something I thought up way back in May-June-ish. It feels good to finally have it written and published. Much more to follow. See you guys next week!