Sir Auric and the Flight of the Raven
The seventh in the 'ridiculously obscene and totally gay' Adventures of Sir Auric.
1) Sir Auric and the Dragon
2) Sir Auric and the Spider Queen
3) Sir Auric and the Giant
4) Sir Auric and the Quest for Mawgawet
5) Sir Auric and the Sea Monster
6) Sir Auric and the Little People
7) Sir Auric and the Flight of the Raven
8) Sir Auric and the Medusa
. . . and more to come!
When the sister of Raven heard his cries, she stood at attention at his door. When she heard the cries of Sir Auric, damning the sensibility of a lady, she boldly entered. A trail of long, black feathers from the bed, Sir Auric hung out the window, scanning the skies through his tears.
"What the devil!" she cried.
Sir Auric turned to her, sobbing. "My love . . . my love has flown the coup."
"I do not understand." She looked about frantically, seeing no sign of Raven.
"My ring . . . he changed . . . into a bird . . . my ring!" Sir Auric fell to his knees. "The amulet of mutability is gone!"
"Is this magic?" she asked; Sir Auric nodded. "No good comes of magic." She turned away, clutching her hand to her breast. "What are we to do?"
"I must go after him!" Sir Auric scrambled up off the floor. "He went east."
As Sir Auric tore past her, she stopped him.
"And he is a bird?" she asked; Sir Auric nodded. "Let me get Bobo, he has a way with birds. You grab your gear and get ready to go."
"What help will this Bobo be?"
As she hurried out of the room, "You will see," she said.
*****
Bobo was a squat little man with prematurely gray hair, not light blond or silver, but dirty white. The hair hung in bangs over his face, covering his eyes. His nose was swollen and covered with the pox, as were his lips. He was dressed in a billowy tunic, streaked in grays, browns, yellows, and greens on the shoulders and arms; from the smell, one could tell that it was bird doo.
"You must be Bobo," Sir Auric greeted, holding his breath.
"Yeth thir!" Bobo replied, nodding.
"And you are somehow gifted when it comes to birds?" Besides being a shit-perch, Sir Auric thought.
"Birdth like me!" Bobo exclaimed. He whistled a bird song and several colorful finches took perch upon his outstretched arms.
"Very well," Sir Auric said, raising his eyebrows, "but what I am after is a raven."
"Ooooh," Bobo cooed, "raventh are the betht, throng and thmart!" He cawed as a raven, but no ravens appeared.
"We had better be off, my raven went that way," Sir Auric said, pointing to the countryside.
"Raventh are fatht, but I know a berry patch they favor; your raven would motht likely vithit it."
"Lead on then good man," Sir Auric ordered, less grateful for his leading than being downwind from him.
*****
The berry patch was not too far away. It was a brush-filled area, the brush producing black berries. Sir Auric picked a few; they were tart but refreshing.
"Will you call the ravens now?" he asked Bobo.
Bobo shook his head, his mop of hair flapping. "Raventh come at duthk."
Duthk, Sir Auric thought, must be 'dusk'. "Well, I guess we wait."
Sir Auric tossed his provisions, armor, sword, and shield on the ground, making a pillow of his sack. He lay on the ground, his face in the shade but his body in the sun, which shone upon him golden.
"Golly," Bobo said with a gulp.
Shading his eyes, Sir Auric watched as the man picked at his crotch over and over again. When his tunic was dribbled with dampness, he realized that Bobo must have been playing with a tiny dick.
Bobo relieved himself nearby, and Sir Auric glanced at a cock the size of a thimble, made even smaller by a stuffed sack the size of a grapefruit.
As Bobo squatted to shit, Sir Auric turned away from the sight of the flabby ass.
*****
Twice, as he napped, he woke to a timid, shaky hand at his groin. Twice he woke and smacked the hand away to a "thorry", from Bobo. The third time he made to draw his sword but Bobo stepped back, hands thrown up in supplication.
"It ith time," he said. "Put thith on." Bobo handed Sir Auric a black cloak. "They will think you are one of them, and be leth thared."
Leth thared, Sir Auric thought, must be 'less scared'. He wrapped himself in the cloak, the beak of the hood concealing his face.
As the sun had set, a raven arrived. Excited, he made to get up, but Bobo held him back. Another, then another settled into the brush, pecking at berries. Sir Auric crept about the brush. While the ravens eyed him warily, he did not frighten them off.
The ravens looked the same, except one that was more of a dark violet. Sir Auric considered this raven, until a glint of light caught his eye. About the leg of one raven was a band of crystal; Sir Auric could feel the power emanating from it.
"This one," Sir Auric whispered, pointing.
Bobo trotted over, looked the bird in the eye, tilting his head sideways to match, and then cawed like a raven. The raven cawed back, and then Bobo reached out to grab it. The raven let him, content to be nestled in his arms.
"Do you have a cage?" Sir Auric asked.
Bobo shook his head. "Raventh do not like cageth, but do not worry, thith one ith my friend now. He will not thray far and will come when I call him."
"Can I hold him?" As Sir Auric approached, the raven rustled his feathers, as if to make flight.
"Take off your cloak," Bobo said, "if he truly ith your friend, he will recognithe you."
Sir Auric dropped the cloak. As the other ravens made flight, the one Bobo held eyed Sir Auric, cocking his head this way and that. Sir Auric held out his arms, which the raven was happy to hop into. He stroked the long, black feathers while sobbing.
"Oh Raven, it is you. What a scare you gave me when you flew off; I thought my love so fleeting." Sir Auric sniffled. "If you can hear me, you have the amulet still, you can return to your previous form and we can be together."
A raven cawed, a raven that had not fled the bush, the dark violet raven. "I am afraid it is too late for that." With a poof, the raven disappeared and Tyrian the Purple appeared. "He wanted to be a raven and now he is."
"You cannot change him back?"
Tyrian shook his head. "The mutability amulet is all-powerful. I made it especially so that it cannot be undone by me . . ."
"Why would you do that?"
"That is not important." Tyrian huffed. "I gave you the amulet, because I knew that you could handle the power. You gave the amulet to Raven and, as you have seen, he was not ready to handle the power."
"What can we do?"
Tyrian stepped over, peering down at Raven. "The ring, no problem, I can take it from him, but for Raven, nothing."
"There has to be something!"
"Raven created himself as a bird, that I cannot undo, but, if he is willing, and only if he is willing, he can change places with a willing host."
"What do you mean, 'willing host'?"
"I mean exactly what I said, a host, a man who is willing to change places with Raven and become a bird."
"Who would possibly want to change into a bird?" Tyrian nodded to Bobo. "I would not dare to ask . . ."
"I would," Tyrian said curtly, turning to Bobo. "Bobo, would you want to become a bird?"
Bobo, eyes wide, replied, "Boy would I ever!"
And it was settled.
*****
Bobo held Raven. Sir Auric approached one last time, reaching out to stroke the bird.
"Raven, I know why you did what you did, but I need you to do this for me, for us. Together we have love, and with love, all things are possible." His affection was cut short by the stench of Bobo, "Are you sure about this?" he asked him.
"Golly yeth! I may not be a good perthon, but I know I would be a good bird!"
Sir Auric stepped back, joining Tyrian.
With a flourish of his wand, "Switheroo!" Tyrian exclaimed. The two became one then separate again. While the raven flew off, 'Bobo' looked down, running his battered hands over his lumpy body. Shaking, he looked up, saw Sir Auric, and ran into his arms.
"I wath lotht, but you found me. Again, you thaved my life."
As 'Bobo' sobbed, Sir Auric stroked the man. Where he expected to feel Raven, he felt Bobo. As if Raven was encased in blubber, he was only a glimmer of the man he knew. Looking down at the red, runny eyes and pox-filled face, Sir Auric tried to, but could not find the face of his lover.
Strike me blind, he thought, and I may be able to overlook the foulness.
"What ith wrong, my love?" 'Bobo' asked, spitting in his face. "Do you not love me, for me? Can you not thee patht thith fathade? If it were truly me, my body, and I were maimed, would you not thill love me tho?"
Where the mind of Sir Auric failed, his heart succeeded. The joy of having Raven back traveled down to his loins, creating a reaction that could not be well-faked.
"You do thill love me, I can feel it!" Raven exclaimed.
The hands that groped him were not the hands of Raven, but the hands of Bobo. Still, Sir Auric let himself be abused by the stubby little fingers and sweaty palms. He was quite determined to see this through, no matter how uncomfortable. He leaned forward and placed his lips upon the swollen, pox-filled lips of Bobo. A true kiss, between true lovers, for that moment he was with Raven and, the excitement building, his loins discharged.
"I do say, quite impressive!" Tyrian the Purple exclaimed.
"What do you mean?" Sir Auric asked.
"That you can still love him, the pox-ridden beast he now is."
Raven wailed, turning away.
"I must ask you to be more sensitive to his condition," Sir Auric scolded.
"As you say, it is a condition, denoting its impermanence."
"But you said that you could do nothing for him!"
"I said I could do nothing for the bird, as that would be undoing the magic of the amulet. This however, is virgin material to work with, untouched by magic." Tyrian chuckled. "And I do say probably untouched by anything else."
"What must we do?" Sir Auric asked excitedly.
Tyrian held his chin, brow furrowed. "It would be a simple transformation, but I would need to see a likeness for reference."
"There wath a painting done before father died," Raven suggested.
With a huff, Tyrian headed towards the city. "Then let us get to it before I succumb to this foulness!"
Raven whined.
"There, there my love, Tyrian will set you to rights."
"Thill, you loved me," Raven said, looking up at Sir Auric through dirty white bangs.
Sir Auric took a deep breath, took Raven into his arms, and they headed home.
*****
It was quite backward, the artist studying the painting to paint the subject, using his wand as a brush. Tongue between his teeth, Tyrian used his wand as a scale, marking a dimension with his finger, which he carried over to Raven. With a flourish of his wand, the hips and thighs of Raven were trimmed a bit more.
"I do say that I have it, but the subject in the painting is clothed."
Sir Auric smiled, Bobo was gone and Raven was back. The painting, done before the death of his father, was some years ago. As such, Raven had the glow of youth, his features softer and his body more supple. Sir Auric held Raven, letting his hands discern his proportions for him.
"It feels good," Sir Auric said with a nod.
Raven ran his hand over his body. "I feel like I did as a boy," he exclaimed with a blush.
"His nipples were small and pink," Sir Auric commented.
With a wave of his wand, two small, pink nipples appeared.
Sir Auric nodded with approval. "At the time I saw his cock, it was still recovering from the suction of the sea monster."
Tyrian chuckled. "I will use some artistic license then."
The thimble-sized cock reached up in a curve then fell halfway down his thighs. It grew thick until if comfortably nestled between his legs. The stuffed sack the size of a grapefruit dropped and grew loose, so that a fat nut hung to each side of the long cock.
"I have no crotch hair," Raven said.
"And I dare say that now you never will, unless that is a problem?"
Raven smiled. "No, I do say that I like it like this." He rubbed his crotch, now smooth as the butt of a baby, which caused the cock to rise.
"I will leave you two to it," Tyrian said, as Sir Auric dropped to his knees. "Let me know if any changes are required," he said on his way out.
*****
Sir Auric showed Tyrian how their bodies fit together, himself behind Raven. Tyrian made the adjustment, lowering the ass of Raven a little. Sir Auric, still inside Raven, gave a thrust; Raven whelped as he was lifted off the ground.
"I guess that did it then," Tyrian commented. With a smirk, he waved his wand, making an adjustment to both of them. He chuckled to himself as he left.
*****
When Tyrian returned, Sir Auric and Raven sat in a puddle of man mess, being covered in it themselves.
"Almighty!" Sir Auric exclaimed, "I have never made such a mess before!"
Raven, next to him, just sighed.
"Yes," Tyrian said, scoffing, "just a little adjustment I made. I hope you like it. If not I can -" he raised his wand.
"No!" Sir Auric threw out his hand to stop him. "By all means, no, and thank you."
Tyrian sidestepped the goo to sit in a nearby chair. "So, have we learned our lesson?"
Sir Auric furrowed his brow. "Not really, if the sea monster had not devastated Raven to begin with, we would not have been in this situation."
"But even ath repulthive ath I wath, you thill loved me," Raven said.
Sir Auric glared at Raven. "Please do not do that."
"Sorry," Raven replied, emphasizing the 's'.
Tyrian snapped his fingers and the mutability amulet appeared. "I believe this belongs to you," he said, handing it to Sir Auric. "Now about those eggs . . ."
Raven looked to him, eyes wide. "Before I went to the berry brush, I laid them in a nest." He turned to Sir Auric. "As a bird, I was a female bird."
Sir Auric chuckled. "I wonder how Bobo is enjoying that!"
*****
After flying a dance of love, a smaller raven was overtaken by a larger. Its wings fluttered as it rammed the smaller raven from behind, squawking in ecstasy.
"Oh yeth big bird, fuck me, fuck me hard with that big birdy cock . . ."
*****
"This will be interesting," Tyrian said.
Back in his lair, he placed the eggs on the dirt floor. The mating of humans and monsters always produced the most interesting results. Some of them, like the satyr or the merman, proved useful. Others, like the medusa or the spider queen, proved not as useful, as they were uncontrollable. The mating of a human and a sea monster, who knew what this would produce.
"Grow up-eo," he exclaimed, with a wave of his wand.
The eggs cracked, revealing little green embryos. As years became minutes, they grew to the size of large men. The men, green and smooth, either sat up or tried to stand, their new legs wobbly. It was then that Tyrian noticed the gaping mouths between their legs, from which thin, white strands protruded.
"Interesting," Tyrian said, nodding. In time, these tentacle-men could prove quite useful . . .