What I See in You - Chapter 3
#3 of What I See in You
"What am I even doing here...?" Zerrif thought to himself, as he waited outside of Zulf's door. The wolf fumbled with some sort of keys before entering his house, and he smirked; stepping aside to let the ferret through. Zerrif nodded, and stepped inside, before Zulf turned and locked his door.
"I don't want to sound rude..." Zerrif muttered, as Zulf ushered him into the living room. His house was simple and single floored; but it still felt sort of empty. He guessed that Zulf didn't need that much furniture anyway; there wasn't anyone else who lived here, and he was barely home being at the bar most days. "What am I exactly doing here?" Zerrif asked, as the wolf headed to his kitchen. He sat down on the black leather sofa, and waited.
"Last time, I went to your house, had a drink, and listened to you talk. It helped me learn a lot about you." Zulf said. He came back with a pitcher of juice, and two tall glasses. "I'm sorry I've been an asshole; because when you talked, it opened my eyes."
"Are you saying I've been an asshole to you?" Zerrif asked back, taking a glass. Zulf smirked, but the ferret's face didn't change. "Sorry if I have been."
"That's not my point." Zulf said. "You're the one who asked earlier that I didn't tell anyone anything. And you were right. I've been trying to keep everything away from other people; it was selfish of me. I didn't want them to think any different of me." Zulf said.
"So you're saying I'm selfish, then?" The ferret shot back, unamused. The wolf growled.
"No, I'm not here to bash you or anything!" He said, a little coarsely. "I'm trying to open up here; you're not exactly making me want to anymore."
"Sorry." Zerrif said, looking into his glass. Zulf waited to see if he'd say any more, but nothing came out. He decided that was time to start.
"Jayce was... one of the people who used to work at a bar. He was everything you expected out of him too; being a golden retriever and all. He was loyal, trustworthy, and dependable. He would willingly step in line for anyone else at the bar in any time of need. At least, that's what I thought. I didn't realize, but behind the scenes, he was anything but the good natured person he was. He was involved with drugs, gangs, and illegal trade. Even the smuggling of people, too."
"How did you find out?" Zerrif interjected. His tail swished lazily on the couch, and Zulf smirked. He watched the tail go back and forth a couple times, and then continued.
"One day, in that same alleyway, I saw him there standing with a couple other guys. When I surprised them, they bolted, and I had caught him red-handed. He told me everything. But after that... I couldn't..." Zulf started. "We had been an item, you could say. The whole workforce knew. But I felt like he had betrayed me, and slowly he began to distance himself from me. When I ended our relationship, he grew angry, and left." When he looked back up, Zerrif just nodded; but there was something odd about his expression. "Something wrong?"
"No... no it's nothing." The ferret said, fidgeting something in his pockets. "Did... Jayce by any chance have a scar on his neck? About here?" He asked, motioning to his neck. Zulf ignored the voices in his head, coaxing him to make a move there, and shrugged.
"Yes, a bottle fell on him when he first started; it left a little scar there. Why?" Zulf asked. "Do you know him?"
"Can you please take me home?" Zerrif said hurriedly. The wolf raised his eyebrow again. "Please!" Zerrif insisted, almost pleading.
"What's the matter?" Zulf said. Zerrif shook his head.
"Just take me home..." He muttered. Zulf nodded, and fetched his keys from where he had hung them by the kitchen. The ferret got up, his hand constantly fidgeting in his pocket, and Zulf just shrugged. Zerrif never did seem to share things with other people.
It had still felt good to tell someone in a long time. Lorrie was the only other person who knew.
"Thank you." Zerrif said, at his door. "I'll see you at work tomorrow, boss." He said, before closing his door. The wolf heard the door lock, and stood there for a second. Zerrif never locked his door.
"So, did you?" Zerrif heard a voice behind him. He heard chuckles further back, and kept his mouth shut; a knife had been held to his neck.
"Did I what... sir?" He said, adding the formality at the end. The blade pressed in slightly, not cutting the skin, but to a point where it was almost shaking at that point.
"You didn't, huh?" The voice asked. The ferret found himself whirled around, and pushed back against his door. He couldn't stare at those eyes, not after what he had heard. He resigned himself to stare at the neck of his captor; staring at a scar embedded slightly within golden fur. "You had the simplest job to do, and you couldn't do it! Fucking useless!"
"J-Jayce... I'm sorry..." Zerrif muttered, and there was the crack of a hand on his face. His cheek stung with pain, and he winced, hissing in response.
Then, a banging at his door.
"Zerrif! Are you alright!" Zulf called out from outside, banging on the door. He had heard someone be pushed up against the door, and then some sort of hit. "Zerrif!"
"Let 'im in." He heard a voice say. There was hesitation, then the door began to click open, but Zulf didn't move. That voice...
The door opened, and he stared into familiar eyes, the golden hair of a retriever, and a face he had long forced himself to forget.
"Jayce?" He muttered, and noted Zerrif standing to the side, looking in the ground.
"Zulf! So nice to see you, come in! Come in!" Jayce said, arms open. The wolf hesitated, then stepped inside, and the door was closed behind him. He looked back to see one of the mutts from earlier standing there, smiling. Things began to piece themselves together. Zerrif already knew about Jayce, those two dogs knew about Jayce, and apparently knew Zerrif as well.
"What the fuck is going on here?" Zulf growled. Jayce just laughed, and pulled Zerrif close to him. He heard a slight whimper from the ferret, and stepped forward; but there were hands holding him back. Zulf growled again.
"Nothing, really." Jayce said, looking down at Zerrif. The ferret looked away again. "See Zerrif here? He's our little boy, you could say. We sent him on a job and he failed, but I guess it's good you're here. Hm? Why don't you tell him, Zer? I wonder what he's told you, that his family died in a fire, and that his stepfather was an asshole?" Jayce said, pushing the ferret forward.
"What?" Zulf asked staring at Zerrif. They didn't match gazes. Instead, the ferret remained silent, rummaging in his pocket, and pulling out a small container of pills. "What is this?" Zulf asked, looking up. Jayce laughed. "Don't drag other people into your little delusions. It's over, Jayce." Zulf added. That only made the retriever laugh more.
"Oh, you don't even realize." Jayce said. He grabbed Zerrif roughly, and as Zulf stepped forward, Jayce whipped out a little pocketknife and held it to the ferret's neck. "Ah ah, this isn't the place to settle things, is it? Too cramped. Tomorrow, after close, by the bar." Jayce said. Zulf growled, but saw the knife was pressed closer to the ferret's neck.
"Jayce, let him go!" Zulf said, but Jayce laughed. He pushed Zerrif at the wolf, and pushed his way past them.
"Tomorrow. I'll be waiting. Or that ferret becomes a nice coat." Jayce added. His two mutts had already left, and he shut the door behind him. Zulf looked down at Zerrif, who was clutching a fist. He forced the ferret to look up, and was surprised to see pale blue, tear filled eyes staring up at him.
"Th-there's... a lot to explain... huh?" Zerrif said, pushing away from the wolf's hold and heading to his living room. Zulf just stared at the door, and headed to the couches.
"... Zerrif..." Zulf started, but that only pushed the ferret into curling up into a little ball with a tail on his couch.
"I haven't lied to you, ever." Zerrif said. Zulf nodded.
"I believe you, just please, tell me what's going on!" He pleaded. Zerrif looked out of his window.
"... I guess I should start by telling you everything." Zerrif said. "After the fire... I wandered on the streets. I had no home, little money, and no more job. So what else was I supposed to do? I had to live somehow... and the only way to get a good night's rest and a warm bed... was to... was... to... wh-wh..." He started. He felt a hand on his knee reassure him.
"Go on." Zulf said. Zerrif just drew closer into his curled form.
"... One night... he picked me up. Jayce." Zerrif muttered. "And... since then, I haven't had to go anywhere else. He... paid well." He said, feeling ashamed. "That's how I afforded this stuff; it was him. I didn't realize where his money came from, until I had become too tangled in his affairs."
"Affairs?" The wolf asked. His hand retreated, and that caused Zerrif to slowly roll free from his shell, if only slightly.
"... Drugs, trafficking people, smuggling... heavily illegal stuff. " Zerrif said. "And... it had taken me so long to realize where this money came from, that he got bored of me. But I had other uses..." He said. "Those two other dogs? He's given me as a present to them... it's disgusting. I'm forced to keep my door unlocked, and they come here whenever they please... for something that can 'please' them." Zerrif muttered. He drew back into his ball. Zulf had heard enough. "And..." Zerrif added, before Zulf could stop him. He drew the pills out from his pocket.
"... He was going to make you sleep with me?" Zulf asked. Zerrif shook his head.
"That night... when you first came to my house... I was supposed to slip them in your drink. But I didn't. Then, he gave me another chance to slip them in your drinks or food. I stalled as much as I could... but he got fed up of it. Tonight was my last chance... and I didn't do it then, either. I came back hoping he wouldn't be waiting, hoping I could get away before he found me. But we were too late." Zerrif muttered.
"Why?" Zulf asked. "Why would he want to do that to me?"
"... Because he's still angry. Angry that you left him. He wants to show you that what he's done has given him enough power to attain anything he wants, except you. And since he can't have you, no one can." He muttered.
"That's... that's sick!" Zulf exclaimed. Zerrif shrugged. "He's alright with you telling me this?" Zulf asked.
"What would it matter? After tomorrow, it ends. You die, I die, or he dies. Or we all do." Zerrif muttered. Zulf looked at him again, and realized his eyes had gotten a little darker than before.
"What's wrong with your eyes?" Zulf asked. Zerrif shut his eyes, and took a deep breath.
"I'm born with NPA. Neural Pigmentation Alteration. My eyes change colour depending on the emotion I feel." Zerrif said. He uncurled his other hand, showing Zulf two little pieces of black plastic. "Jayce gave me these... said that he hated my eyes. Every time he would take me, or tell me something, they would change. He hated knowing what I felt. And, to accomplish what I had to do to you... I couldn't let you see how sad, or how much I didn't want to. I could act the part well enough, but my eyes always give me away. I... I hate them..." Zerrif muttered, but Zulf simply took his hand with the contacts, and took them from him.
"I like them better this way." The wolf said. Zerrif smiled weakly, but looked away. "So what I can draw from this, you had to hide emotions at work, because you were out to kill me? With these? Because Jayce has been planning to do so for a while, and used you because...?"
"I'm expendable." Zerrif finished. Zulf frowned. "I'm just some whore he picked up off the corner--"
"No, you're not." Zulf said, determinedly. "You're a ferret who works at my bar, and who is one of the best workers I've ever seen. You're someone who's had a troubled past, and I'm sorry that it's had to happen to you, or anyone." Zulf said. Zerrif just chuckled. "What?"
"Thank you... so much..." Zerrif muttered. "You and Lorrie... you've been my only family I've ever had..." A hand gripped his tightly, and he looked up, a little surprised.
"And we'll continue to be." Zulf said. Zerrif's eyes turned a swirl of grey and black, and Zulf smirked. "Your eyes..." He muttered. Zerrif hid his face in his hands, but Zulf pushed them away. "You don't need to hide them anymore..."
"What will it matter?!" He shouted back. "After tomorrow night..." Zerrif trailed off. Zulf just shook his hand a little.
"What? After tomorrow night, what will happen?" The wolf asked.
"You'll die if you go! And if you don't I will... it'll be better if you don't go, I'm just expendable anyway..." Zerrif said, but Zulf's grip on his hand just grew tight. He winced, and looked up; the wolf looked back at him with a sort of soft ferocity.
"Don't say that ever again." Zulf muttered. Zerrif shook his head.
"B-bu..."
"NEVER AGAIN." Zulf growled. Zerrif sank back, and just fell silent. "Neither you, nor I is going to die. He can bring as many cronies as he wants, he isn't getting either of us." Zulf muttered. He whipped out his cellphone, and stood up, leaving the ferret mulling to himself on the arm of his couch. "Hey, Lorrie? Zulf. Yeah, I'm sorry it's really early. I need you to bring your truck. I'll give you the address. And uh..." He said, looking back. "We have a lot to talk about..."
"Here, kiddo." Lorrie said, handing Zerrif a warm mug. He smiled weakly and sniffed at it, some sort of tea. "Don't mean to be a sort of downer on the situation, but Boss told me everythin. You sure you'll be okay?" She asked. Zerrif didn't seem surprised. He just nodded, and took a sip of it; biting his tongue when he felt it nearly be scalded. She bent down a little and looked at him. "Your eyes really change colours and all that?" She asked. Zerrif looked up, and she could see that his eyes went from that sullen pale blue, to a sort of playful light green. She laughed.
"You know, you and Boss are the only two who seem to like me for who I am. I gotta say thanks." Zerrif said. His eyes began to go back to their pale blue, when the fox playfully slapped his knee.
"Shit, Zerrif, you're a bucket of laughs and more!" She said enthusiastically. "He'll take good care of ya, I promise."
"Take care of me?" Zerrif asked, looking up. His eyes had changed to an inquisitive purple, and Lorrie chuckled again. He smirked back, knowing why she laughed. "What do you mean?" He asked.
"He didn't tell ya?" She replied, after having calmed down. "We're moving most of yer stuff out to his house. You didn't wake me and my kids up for nothin'!" She said, with a grin. Zerrif looked at her in shock, the whites of his eyes matching the blanching of his face. He got up from his couch in a rush, finding Zulf and two teenage foxes in his room.
"He'll probably want that--oh! Zerrif uh..." Zulf started, with a coy grin on his face.
"What are you doing?" The ferret shot back, his eyes slightly red with frustration. Yet, they weren't angry; it was as if he was internally accepting, or forcing himself to accept what was happening. "When Jayce comes back here he'll find--"
"Nothing. That's the point. Now, what do you want, or need? Everything else is just a reminder of him, so if you don't need it, scrap it." Zulf said. He calmly walked over to the ferret and placed his hands on his shoulders. "I promise to you, everything will be alright. Just trust me, okay?" He said, matching the smile from before with yet another mischievous smirk.
"... O-okay..." Zerrif muttered reluctantly, as Zulf noticed his eyes went to a light hazel.
"That your regular eye color?" Zulf asked. Zerrif looked up, then to a mirror on his wall, and smiled weakly. He nodded, and Zulf looked over too. "Heh, that's pretty." He muttered, before stepping back. "Okay, so what the hell do you need? You've got a ton of shit here."
Zerrif walked into the house he had been in only hours earlier, and that he only now called his new home, lugging in suitcases full of his clothes. Following him were Lorrie's kids, lugging in a few pieces of furniture, with the help of Zulf.
It hadn't taken long. Zerrif didn't really want too much of his stuff; Lorrie was going to take some of it for her house, and the rest would be sold or pawned off for some extra cash. She didn't mind where it came from; some of the stuff was better than anything she would ever afford on her salary. The ferret was only too glad to get rid of it.
"Thanks, Lorrie." Zulf said, with a smile. She laughed, patting the side of her truck; a few pieces of furniture and other things on the back of her truck still.
"Thank ya back, Boss! C'mon boys, looks like it was worth wakin' up early, hm?" She said. Her two sons just chuckled and got into the car. Zerrif waved from the doorstep, and the truck pulled out and sped down the street; almost signaling for first light to appear on the horizon.
"It's already morning?" Zerrif asked. He felt a hand on his back push him inside.
"Yeah, and we've got lots of work to do before night, come on." Zulf muttered. Zerrif nodded, and stepped inside. He headed straight for the guest bedroom, when a hand gripped his tail. He straightened up, and whipped around, a little bit of red flashing in his eyes. Zulf chuckled.
"All your stuff is in my room." The wolf muttered, turning as if he hadn't touched the ferret at all, and walking into his room. Zerrif grumbled, and twisted around, grabbing his tail and brushing it a couple times, before following.
Zulf's room was easily the room that Zerrif had envisioned; not that he had thought of being inside the wolf's room many times before. The bed was hastily made; clothes were piled in a corner, a hamper overflowing with laundry to do; the closet was strewn open and seemingly empty. There was a shelf of books that seemed to never have been touched in a while; another shelf with a few collectibles and other things to look at, and other simple furniture.
The ferret noticed his things piled by the foot of the bed, and he lay on it lazily, going through his things.
"Hey hey, not on the bed in those dirty clothes." Zulf said, with a smirk. Zerrif looked up to see the wolf taking off his shirt, and he blushed. He was about to look away, then he didn't exactly see ,but 'sensed' a lunge with animal instincts, the wolf grabbing at his pant legs.
"Hey! Hey, let go!" Zerrif said, kicking out. Zulf just chuckled, and kept on tugging. Zerrif's eyes widened, and he began to lash out more and more. "Stop! Stop! STOP!" He cried, and Zulf looked up in shock. Zerrif's eyes began to fill with tears going pale blue like before.
"Zerrif I..." Zulf started, but Zerrif just curled into a ball when he raised a hand to try to calm him. The wolf brought his hand back, staring at the floor. Zerrif got up in a hurry, pulling his nearly falling pants up as he ran into the bathroom, and shut the door.
He didn't know how long he had sat there for. But it had been a while; his body was sore, and his legs were numb. He had basically collapsed on the floor, leaning against the door of the bathroom, mulling to himself for a while.
Why did he lash out at Zulf? Why did he run? Why was he such an idiot? The wolf was just playing around. He felt so guilty for hurting him, so stupid for doing so, and couldn't bring himself to show himself to Zulf anymore.
But he couldn't just sit in the bathroom all day, either. He got up weakly, his legs wobbly as the blood slowly began to return to them. He unlocked the door and stepped out, and walked back to Zulf's room silently, just standing in the doorway.
His things had been moved from the foot of the bed. Yeah. Probably for the best. Zulf was rummaging around in his closet, and Zerrif froze. Should he say sorry? Or should he just go to the guest room and get some rest? As he thought about it, he found himself slowly moving towards the wolf, bent down in his closet.
"Zulf..." Zerrif muttered. "Zulf I need to apologise... I..." He started, but the wolf stood up slowly, his back turned.
"Why? Why do you apologise for everything?" Zulf asked, turning around. He held Zerrif's face within his hands lightly. The ferret noticed that he had been crying. "You... you haven't done anything wrong..." Zulf muttered. Zerrif nodded, and leaned his head on Zulf's chest.
"You don't understand..." The ferret muttered. The black wolf's fur was so warm and soft, exactly the opposite of what he'd expected. He looked up, and Zulf just looked away. He sighed, and pulled the wolf's face to look at him, stood, and lightly placed his lips on Zulf's. They stood like that for a moment, until the wolf pushed him away.
"Zerrif... don't..." Zulf muttered, but Zerrif just chuckled sadly.
"You haven't done anything wrong either..." The ferret said, lightly running his hands up Zulf's chest. "Or... maybe we were both wrong... either way... you can't take all of it on yourself... and I'll try not to either." He said, with a slight smile. Zulf smiled back, and held him tight.
"... Thank you." Zulf said. Zerrif rested his head on the wolf's chest again; feeling it heave and push him out with every powerful breath.
"And thank you too. You, and Lorrie, have given me so much. I just wish I could stay here forever." Zerrif said. He broke free from Zulf's grip, and looked around at the room. He didn't expect a hand to place itself on his back, and the push him lightly onto the bed. "H-hey!" Zerrif said, a slight playful smile on his face. He fell onto the bed ungracefully; bouncing up slightly before stopping. He felt the bed dip as Zulf climbed on beside him, and turned to face him.
"Here in this house?" Zulf asked. "This room? This bed?" He began to stroke Zerrif's hair calmly, before slowly leaning in to steal another light kiss. He didn't expect the ferret to move into the kiss further, and reflexively, his arms began to wrap around him. At first, he hesitated; thinking it would send the ferret into some sort of recession again. But the small, soft hands on his chest relaxed him.
"Right here, in these arms?" Zerrif asked. Zulf looked down at him, staring into almost pure white eyes. "I've... haven't had anyone hold me this way, so warm, so caring... not since my father..." He started. Zulf kissed his forehead lightly. "Tomorrow..." Zerrif started, but Zulf pushed him up. He sat up, and the ferret followed suit. "I'm sorry, I didn't--"
"Stop focusing on that." Zulf said. He looked Zerrif squarely in his eyes, and smiled. "It'll be taken care of, I promise. Just forget about it." He said. The wolf's hands snaked their way around again, and pulled Zerrif closer. He heard the ferret gasp slightly as his hands began to find their way under his shirt; the wolf found the ferret invitingly warm. He began to explore with his hands; the soft, delicate fur matted down under his grip. He leaned in and kissed Zerrif lovingly, and brought his hands up to start to undress the ferret.
Until Zerrif gasped. Zulf pulled back and raised an eyebrow, and Zerrif looked away, ashamed.
"What's wrong?" Zulf asked. Zerrif just edged back a little, and began to undress. That's when Zulf saw what he'd been feeling. The ferret was slim and lithe, but the shirts and clothes he wore seemed to make him look bigger than he really was. It was surprising to see that he was so small. But what surprised the wolf more was that he saw what made Zerrif gasp. The ferret's arms wrapped around himself defensively, and Zulf leaned in.
"They're... really bad memories. Each one of them." Zerrif said. Zulf began running his hand down barely visible scars underneath Zerrif's fur. They were numerous, and varied; some looked like cuts, others like a whip had lashed his skin open. There were even a few that were simply painful to look at. "Jayce... and the others..." Zerrif muttered, but Zulf just kissed him silent.
"That's all over now, understand?" Zulf asked. Zerrif shook his head.
"Why... Why me?" He questioned. "Why do you make me feel this way? Why can't I tell myself no anymore?" He mumbled. Zulf smiled, and his thumbs hooked themselves on Zerrif's pants.
"You don't want this, then?" Zulf asked. His hands carelessly began to circle around the edge of the pants to meet at the front; eliciting another gasp from the ferret. "Hm?"
"Z-Zulf..." Zerrif weakly muttered. The wolf noticed small, shaky hands approach his bare chest and place themselves there.
"Yes?" Zulf asked, unmoving. Zerrif shook his head.
"W-wait..." He mumbled. Zulf sighed. "I'm sorry... it's just... we're going too fast... I..." He pushed away. Zulf felt something inside him cringe; as if he'd felt the pain of rejection. "I want to, trust me... I... I just..." He started. Zulf nodded.
"I'm sorry. I should have understood. You've been through a lot." He said. Zerrif just nodded. He tilted the ferrets head to look at his eyes; they were the normal, golden hazel eyes that Zerrif said he had. "Just know that I'm not doing this because you're involved with Jayce, or that I feel bad, or that you used to remind me of him. This has nothing at all to do with him anymore. This is just me, and you." Zulf said.
"Zulf..." Zerrif muttered, leaning into him again. The wolf just held him there. He leaned back slowly, and Zerrif followed suit; laying back on the bed.
"... Is this... what I saw in Jayce so many years ago...?"