Remembrance ~ Part Four
Alex smiled and licked his lips. "Good morning, hon. I trust you slept well?"
Malak didn't know what to say or how to act - should he be ecstatic, or angry, or confused, or...? He looked over the otter, not believing he was the same one he fell asleep next to the previous night. The voice was the same, the scent the same, the body the same, but the eyes different. In the sea of orange of his left was still that small fleck of brown.
The otter laughed, and his smile widened into a grin. "I'll take that as a yes."
Malak blinked a few times. What? "Randal -"
"No. No no no." He put a clawed finger to the wolf's lips. "Alex. My name is Alex. It always has been, and it always will be - just how the shampoo I use is lavender. You know, you really shouldn't be too surprised... or, maybe, I just overestimated you. Whatever." He slipped out of the bed and stood, stretching his arms up over his head: there was that same back, that same tail, those same legs. Malak was still at a loss. "I mean, Juliet figured it out."
"I..." The wolf blinked again. His heart beat heavily in his chest. "What -?"
"Hm?" Alex stood with a paw on his hip. There was that same naked body that Malak had fallen asleep next to for the past few months; why, then, did it seem so different? The otter seemed to be flaunting how he was exactly the same and yet so, so much... something else. "Yes, hello, my name is Alex. I am a single child and I call my mother by her name - Eleanor. I have been engaged with a wolf named Malak for... four of the seven years I've been with him? Is that right?"
Malak stood and looked over Randal - no, Alex. He was still the same height. He still had the same body. He still had the same voice and same face. The only thing that the wolf could perceive as different was his eyes and the expressions he molded his face in to.
Alex ran two fingers up the long scar of Malak's arm. "You know," he muttered, "I'm sorry for this. I let my emotions get the best of me, and... that was a problem. Used to be a huge problem for me, but now I'm better. You know why?" He stood on his tiptoes to become even with the wolf's height - and, suddenly, Malak saw Juliet in his place for a split second. "Because I have you."
"Alex..." It felt so strange to have that name roll off his tongue after so many endless days of disuse. "Why? Or, more importantly - how...?"
"I was wondering when you'd get to that." Alex wrapped his arms around Malak's waist. "Well, see, there's... well. That plane? The one I was gonna get on to go back home? The one that crashed? Yeah. I ended up being late to the airport, and it took off without me boarding, so... yeah." He moved one paw to the wolf's belly and drew little circles there with his claw. "I mean, I couldn't just come back after all that was said between us. And you have the whole me-being-dead-thing. Did you know that I'm still legally dead in this state?"
All those memories came rushing back into Malak's head: all the angry words, and the cursing, and the hitting, and the pain both emotional and physical. He brought his arms up the otter's back. "Alex..."
"Malak." Those eyes flicked up to his, those bright tangerine gems. He felt his heart skip a beat.
The wolf just breathed for a few seconds, trying to take all of this in. Then, a soft murmur: "I... I missed you."
Alex pulled Malak to him and held him tight. The wolf breathed in his scent, and he could remember - that was Alex all along, and never once this false Randal. He just didn't believe it. He wouldn't let himself believe it. Still, though, he was confused: in the past, before Randal - well, before Alex had come back - he had wished with all his heart that the otter with the orange eyes would return and make him his once more. He had yearned for it, and dreamt about it, and cried over how it could never be - or so he thought, at least. Now that it had actually happened, now that his one true want had come to be realized, he found himself feeling somewhat... empty. Where joy should have been was instead something else.
Alex lifted his head and smiled. It wasn't a grin of humor, no, or one of overbearing ecstasy: it was a sweet, simple smile of love, of companionship. The otter had no malice, Malak then realized. He never once did. All the times Randal had said "I love you" or "You mean a lot to me" still held true: Randal was Alex. Randal loved Malak, and Malak loved Randal; now, Alex loved Malak, and Malak loved Alex. "I'm here," the otter whispered. "I'm here."
Malak then did what his heart dictated: he lifted Alex's chin with one gentle paw; he looked into those eyes once more; and, then, he leaned in and kissed him. There, then, was the happiness he had felt devoid of. In that moment, he became whole again.
Alex grinned and rubbed his nose across Malak's. "It's been too long," he said.
"Yes it has," replied Malak, with another kiss. "It really has."
The otter pulled away but held on to one of Malak's paws. "So... how does a walk in the park sound?"
~ ~ ~
Juliet felt uneasy. Why, though, she wasn't so sure - perhaps it was how she received a text from Malak when she was certain he had gone to bed hours earlier. Maybe it was how, in that text, he had asked her to come meet him and Randal at Lorena Park - regardless of the current weather. It could also be how he had given her an exact time and told her not to reply to the message.
Or, maybe, she just didn't like rain because it messed up her fur and made her smell bad. It made everyone smell bed. She often wondered if that problem would still happen in a world where nobody had fur, where everyone was the same species. What a funny place that would be.
She did give Malak some reasonable room, though: after lying down in bed, she did not get to sleep for quite a lengthy amount of time. Her mind was buzzing with six billion frantic thoughts, emotions, wants, feelings, lusts, everything, all about that damn wolf. It wasn't just her mind that held the memories, though - no: it was also her lips, and her paw, and a few other parts of her body. Did she regret any of what she did? No, because frankly, that otter deserved to be cheated on in her mind.
She may or may not be biased on this matter.
But, Malak... oh God. She had to stop what she was doing and sit down for a moment, just thinking about him. He was... so... well. There was that... his... to be concise, she didn't really have a word for him. He was just... Malak. And Juliet absolutely loved that. It wasn't just his face, or his kiss, or his body: it was his personality, that little glint in his eyes whenever Juliet took his paws, that bemused smile of his when she stood on her toes even when he knew what was coming. It was that soft, content sigh he breathed out when she removed her lips from his. It was the extra squeeze he gave whenever she started to pull her paws from his. It was how he looked at her when they were alone.
It was those silver-blue sapphires he had for eyes that seemed to glow with a light all their own, even in the darkest of rooms. It was the strength of his body and pulses and movements, how he'd bite into her neck or shoulder every once in a while. It was how his bare chest felt when it pressed against hers, how she could feel every raucous heartbeat and each raucous breath of his. It was how he'd hold her close against him afterwards with nothing but the heat of their own bodies and the blankets of the bed they laid in to warm them. It was, simply, everything about him.
Again, though, Juliet didn't feel guilty. Malak and Randal had had five, almost six months; she and the wolf, however, had had only about two or three. So, they did with it what they could. She looked from the bed on which she sat, to the threshold leading to the bathroom, to what of the shower she could see in the mirror, to the armchair next to the dresser.
She coughed and shook herself out of her memories - now was not the time for that, as much as she wished it would me. Malak had not spent last night here; he had twice before during this week, once last, twice again the week before that. She was somewhat surprised that Randal allowed him to do that so many times without the quietest of complaints or objections: that made her somewhat nervous at first, as it made her feel that he either had absolutely no clue or he knew all about it. Again, her relationship with the wolf had been the opposite of stagnant. The fault was both of theirs.
She glanced over at her clock and noticed that she would have to leave soon if she wanted to make it there on time, as she hadn't slightest idea of where this park she was supposed to go to was located. She'd figure it out eventually, though.
What she had with Malak wasn't all lust. That may have been a part of it - okay, a huge part of it - but that certainly wasn't all they had. She could tell, again, by the way he looked at her when they were alone; she could tell by how he'd murmur a tight "you alright?" into her ear every once in a while form on top of her; she could tell by the way he held her paws and by the way he kissed her. She knew by the silver-sapphire ring he had given her just over a week ago to complement the ruby one she wore.
Yes, Malak was sweet. It was clear to her what Randal saw in him - the other way, though? Not so much. That otter wasn't who he claimed to be - well, really, Malak wasn't either. Nobody else needed to know that, though. Nobody needed to know anything about what she and that obsidian wolf did.
Juliet wrapped a coat around herself and looked around one last time, wondering if she had left anything. Maybe Malak being in love with Randal wasn't such a bad thing: if that had never happened, then he might not have ever been willing to give her a try. Or two or three. Five, seven, fifteen. Maybe twenty-something. She lost count.
She could hear the rain softly pattering on the roof of her house and the world outside as she stepped down the stairs and to the front door.
~ ~ ~
Malak didn't particularly like rain too much. It was always cold and wet, and those were two things that made him uncomfortable. All of that was made a little bit better, though, with Alex on his arm and the lack of people around today. It was almost as if they all had something better to do than walk around in lonely grey weather.
Imagine that.
"Just like old times," Alex mused. He kept his gaze down so the rain wouldn't get in his marvelous eyes. "Remember when we went on walks all the time? We never took the same route twice, always getting lost and then finding our way back home a few hours later. We'd see people we recognized, and we'd wave, and they'd wave back... I remember those days."
Malak squeezed the paw in his and smiled. All of that uneasy nervousness he felt when Alex first revealed himself was gone - now, he couldn't see why he had ever felt anything but happy. "I remember waking up next to you, each and every morning... I'd stroke your fur and wait for you to wake up, too, and when you did, we'd just cuddle for a while. I remember how I'd get home from work every once in a while to find you playing violin in the living room, and it was always the most beautiful thing I had ever heard."
"Ironically, I forgot how to play violin, but just got better at cello. Like you taught me." Alex kissed Malak's cheek.
The wolf motioned at a bench beneath a tree. This was where he and the otter first really had a full conversation, when he was Randal. "Sit?"
"Sure."
Less rain fell here because of the leafy branches above, and they were both thankful for that. "Malak..." Alex sighed. "You haven't changed at all."
"Neither have you, hon." The wolf put his arm around his boyfriend's - his fiancé's - shoulder and pulled him close. "Neither have you."
"I mean, you're still cute and sweet, and you still know how to bring a smile so quickly to my face even if you're not trying to... you're still just about the only person I dream about, as I have been for the past year or so. You're still not the best at cooking, but you try, and that's good enough for me."
"Hey!"
Alex giggled and looked over at the road. "You still make all these cute little yips and grunts during the night, and... you're still a heavy sleeper. You don't care about my little flaws and instead look at the good. You think of me before yourself. You're still thoughtful, and sensitive, and honest, and loyal..."
Malak shifted and hoped the otter didn't feel the change in his pulse.
"...and everything I just said about you was a lie."
What?
Malak looked over; those orange eyes stared straight ahead. Something had changed in Alex's voice. "What do you...?"
"Come on, Malak. You really thought I wouldn't find out, or at least suspect anything?" He turned and glared at the wolf, who dropped his arm from around his shoulders. "I mean, really. The way you two look at each other at the dinner table? How long it takes to walk her to her car? And you really think I don't notice you taking her paw whenever she stays for a movie?
"What are you complaining about, then, if you already knew? Hm?" Malak swallowed. "It's not like you ever tried to stop it or anything."
"You're right - in fact, I encouraged it. And, you know why? You know why, Malak?" His eyes glinted with the essence of raw fire. "I encouraged it because you've made it clear that you're not happy with just me. You don't love me as much as you say you do. Even if what you did caused me to die, you wouldn't have changed."
"That's not true at all."
"Have I told you that you'd be terrible at poker?"
Malak stood up. The rain could go fuck itself for all he cared. "Why did you come back, then?"
"Because!" Alex stood, too; suddenly, strangely, he seemed taller than before. "Because I... felt that I had changed, and I hoped... maybe you had, too. But, now I see how wrong I was to have thought so."
"Change, what do you mean, you've changed? You haven't changed at all."
"You don't know everything about me, Malak, believe it or not .There are some things nobody should know."
"What are you talking about?"
"Hold on a moment." Alex lifted an arm and pointed behind the wolf. "Romeo comes without his ro'. I want her for this."
Juliet could tell something was wrong, even when she first parked her car across the street. She ran over and hooked her arm around Malak's, who took her paw. "What's going on? What's happening?"
Alex spoke before Malak could respond. Gone was the sweet, joyous otter he thought he knew: this was someone - something - different. "Neither of you know anything about me - Juliet. Remember that one cat you dated for a period of time? Mason, Matthew... what was his name?"
Malak felt her tense beside him, and held her tighter. "How do you know about that?"
"Marcus, Marcus. That's it... is that with a K or a C? Oh, it doesn't matter. You remember how he was killed, yes?"
Juliet froze. "Randal -"
The otter moved quickly: in his paw was a pistol he had pulled from an inner pocket of his jacket, Malak gasped and took a step back. "My name is Alex, and you know nothing about me."
"You're a murderer." Malak had never heard such fear, such blistering anger in Juliet's voice. That frightened him, just a little bit less than the gun pointed at him.
"Well, serial killer, to be exact. But, hell, who's one for details?"
"Alex!" Malak clenched his other fist at his side to keep it from shaking. "What do you want?"
"Hm?" The black metal barrel shifted so it was centered more precisely on the wolf's chest. "To finish what I had started, of course. I returned, Malak, because there's no place for your kind in the world."
"You're crazy."
"We all are, in our own special ways, yes? I punish those deserving of it; you break innocent hearts time and time again; and you..." Alex turned his eyes to Juliet, who moved a little bit closer to her wolf. "You are a succubus. A vile demon, thriving on hate and lust. Tell me: who is the criminal, and who is the hand of justice? The good guy, and the bad guy, hm?"
"Malak..." Juliet looked at him for comfort. He had none to offer. "I'm scared. I'm so scared."
"I know. I know, love. We'll get through this, okay?"
"Don't -" Alex pulled the hammer back with his thumb. "- be so sure. I intend for a maximum of one person to leave today... and, guess what? It's me."
"Alex, please! Be reasonable!" Malak could hardly see through the rainfall. "What happened to you? The last thing I heard before I fell asleep last night was 'I love you'... could that really all die in one day?"
"You lied to me about that. So I lied to you."
"Look, I know what I did was wrong. Please, Alex, Please."
"We've passed the point of no return, Malak." The otter shrugged. "Oh well. Now, are you quite done talking? I have a plane to catch."
"You mean to miss?"
"Planes don't just crash on their own, Malak, and if they do, it's never quite so... efficient."
The wolf gaped at him. He could feel Juliet shaking. "...You're mad. Alex... what happened to waking up each morning, warm and happy with just having each other? What happened to our promises of forever and love? What about swimming in the pool on warm Sunday afternoons? Movie night? Dance lessons? What happened to us?"
A single gunshot. "You tell me."
Next to Malak, Juliet sucked in a breath and then fell. He looked to her, to Alex, to the blood that turned the puddle beneath them a deep burgundy. She couldn't even scream: instead, she looked up through foggy eyes and mouthed three words, lost in the noise of the rain. Malak clenched his fists so hard that his claws pierced into his palms' he turned and stepped towards Alex, snarl on his muzzle. "What the hell is wrong with you? She never did anything!"
"Really." Alex sniffed lightly and then coughed. The rain continued to fall. "Shit. I think I'm getting a cold."
"You know what you should do? You know what you should do, Alex? Hm? You should put that gun to the side of your head and do the whole world a favor. Please."
"You ever wonder why I never gave you my necklace, when you gave me yours?" Alex pulled the hammer back again. It locked with a sickening click. "Why should I bother giving away something that I'd end up taking back anyway?"
Another gunshot. "I love you, Malak."
~ ~ ~
The rain still fell, on and on and on, but it was... muted, almost. Not as sharp, not as jarring. The drops felt good, somewhat, on Malak's fur - he thought he saw a break in the clouds, off in the distance. He couldn't tell. Everything was the same color. He thought he felt a dull ache on one side of his chest, but he couldn't be sure about that, either. It was that, or pleasant warmth against the cool rainfall. Maybe both.
Alex trudged over and kneeled down over him; Malak tried to turn his head, but could only do so to a certain degree. He turned his head to the other side - Juliet was there, eyes closed, one paw outstretched. Malak willed his own arm to move, and managed to just barely close his paw around hers; her eyelids stirred, and she half-opened them. She gave a gentle squeeze to his paw; then, she closed her eyes again, and that paw fell limp from his.
Malak turned his head back to Alex - everything seemed to be going in slow motion. It was so, so hard to breathe, so hard to blink, so hard to do anything. Everything was the same shade of dark grey: Alex's eyes were the only things that still held color. Were those tears or raindrops running down the otter's face? He shook his head and stood back up, then took a few paces back. Malak tried to keep his eyes focused, but found it increasingly challenging to keep his head from lolling to one side or the other. Alex lifted the gun, pulled the hammer back once more, and aimed it at the wolf's head.
Malak heard a dampened gunshot. And, then: nothing.