A Child's Rage Chapter 3: Suicide and Redemption
#3 of A Child's Rage
A Child's Rage Chapter 3: Suicide and Redemption
Silver felt each and every violent jolt as the carriage lurched across the unseen outside, bumping over rocks. Laying there in the dark Silver drew his knees up to him, ignoring the sore spots that should have healed by then. Every once in a while, or a large enough jump, the sun would shine in through the small, covered windows.
The time grew immeasurable in the darkness. Burying his muzzle in his knees Silver would let his tears fall from his eyes. He did not have to pretend anymore. He was alone in the dark, no one there to watch his every movement. Eventually he stopped seeing the darkness, he relived the earlier time repeatedly. There was no longer a difference between reality and his hallucinations; he was living them, feeling every searing stab of pain.
Silver's misery was interrupted by a fresh breath of night air. He could smell the rich odor of midnight rain, slightly different from home. At home is had smelt salty, like the sea was raining. Paws grabbed him by the waist and dragged him from the carriage.
Silver felt the support of the carriage floor disappear and the sudden thud as his body dropped to the ground. His eyes stared up at the empty sky. 'Even they aren't watching.' Silver thought, as the sky was consumed by Hatan's body.
Hatan had decided, while riding on the front of the carriage, to remain cruel to Silver. His plan needed Silver's resentment and anger. "Take care of any business you need to now, there is a lake over there," Hatan grunted, pointing harshly in the darkness.
He expected Silver to move, but he did not even flutter an eyelid. 'Unresponsive is just as good as hatred.'
"If you are not going to make yourself presentable for tomorrow night then hurry and get in the fucking carriage. Maybe we'll actually get there sooner!" he yelled.
* * *
The sun was setting by the time Hatan was able to see the school, now only a few miles away, silhouetted in the setting sun. 'It feels like the sun always wants to cast me in the darkness. I am tired of trying to escape, it's about time I either win or stop. I don't fucking care which.'
Silver lay on the floor of the carriage still, wondering what was happening. He had not been allowed out for countless hours, not since the night, and he need to be free. Figuring Hatan was doing this to him for the purpose of torturing him further Silver refused to respond in any way; he did not have the strength or will to fight, or the heart to give in, all cost too much effort. Soon the carriage began to bump and rock less. His instincts told him that the carriage was slowing down. Hushed voices could be heard from the front of the carriage, muffled by the cloth and wood covering. Taking this pause in the rapid moving of the cart, Silver pushed himself up and onto the seat. 'What are they talking about?' he wondered, trying to hear the words being spoken, but he could not, and the talking soon stopped. The carriage began to move again. This time, though, it moved slowly, and turned more often, as though following a windy path. A horrific thought occurred to Silver, 'Are we there?' Being unable to see, silver had no idea where he was going or what was planned for when he stepped out of the carriage, if they planned on allowing him out at all.
The carriage came to a stop and Silver heard Hatan's paws landing on the firm ground. There was a short volley of talking before the carriage door was open and the setting sun blared in his eyes. Almost blinded, Silver covered his eyes with his silver paws and waited. Not wanting to know where they were, but nevertheless curious about his surroundings, silver peaked through his paws, trying to catch a glimpse of something in the bright sun.
Paws grabbed his shoulders roughly and pulled him from the carriage. Unable to find the strength or the footing in the loose soil, Silver plunged to the ground. "Get up!" a new voice demanded.
When Silver did not move, a pair of paws yanked him up and held him still. "You know, we don't want worthless trash and won't pay for them either," the voice said, "This had better be worth it."
"I've forced him into submission, but... there had already been a number done on him," Hatan answered, reaching out a paw.
"Like I said, he better be worth it or I am going to come after you for a refund and I won't be lenient with you," he said placing a bag into the outstretched paw.
Hatan looked down at Silver and ruffled a paw through his fur, laughing, he said, "No hard feelings, pup. Just doing my job, even scum like me need to get paid sometime."
Stepping back toward the carriage, Hatan tipped his paw in courtesy at Silver. "I swear on my Father's grave that I'll kill both of you!" Silver screamed, wakened from his trance-like state with the fake familiarity of Hatan.
"How do you know your father was even buried?" Hatan called back as the carriage rolled away.
The figure standing behind Silver, steadying him, laughed, "Yes, I think you will do just fine, and you certainly are worth the money."
Anger fueling his strength and awareness, Silver ripped away from the male holding him. Turning around he looked at the creature before him, and the creature standing before him was completely unrecognizable. He looked like a wolf, but he was much smaller than Silver, and the scent was completely different. The male seemed dwarfed compared to Silver's stature and he had not finished growing yet. The strange looking canine reached out a paw to Silver, in greeting. "I see my new acquisitions is turning out quite well. It's always nice to win in a gamble. By the way, my name is Sin. And I welcome you to my school for orphans."
Silver stared at this strange creature in unblinking astonishment. Sin moved out of Silver's line of sight and a gasp arose from the startled wolf. The school lay before him, stretching out for acres. There lacked greenery in the dark and masculine structure. Large rock walls with intricate designs bordered the gothic building. The walls seemed cold and dark. It was more like a castle than a school, but Silver was not sure about the existence of the actual school. Clife had only referred to the location as a labor camp, a place where he would be used as a slave until he died, whether suicide or exhaustion. He could not understand what was happening, or why he was near such an elaborate building. This diminutive canine, Sin, and his strange behavior confused Silver more. It had been extremely disorienting locked away in the carriage for three days in darkness. And, now, he was unknown distances away from the only place he had ever known, and the walls of the carriage had obscured the direction they had traveled. Silver felt cut off and abandoned by everyone he knew especially his mother. "Let us begin. This is my school. You, orphaned or abandoned, are here to work, learn, and train," Sin said breaking through Silver's thoughts.
Sin began to walk toward the entrance of the school. Silver followed, muttering under his breath, "Train for what?"
"Train for what? Train for the war. That's all whelps like you are good for nowadays. And we just can't send untrained soldiers into battle, it would be a waste of troops and money, and would make us look like fools," Sin answered, knowing Silver did not intend to have his question heard or even answered.
The entrance doors slowly rose above Silver as he closed the distance between freedom and bondage. Unlike the rest of the building, the doors were made of a strange material, which he had never seen before. In the glistening door the pale sunset was reflected for Silver to see. All of the doors he had ever seen had been made of wood, and were never double, or overly tall. Sin looked almost comical, standing next to a door, which was several times taller than he was. Silver's muzzle dropped open as he watched the canine grasp a handle in the metallic door and push inward. 'Those doors are so huge! How can someone his size open a door so big?' Silver wondered as he followed through the strange entranceway. Sin's voice cut through Silver's awe like a knife, "You must be wondering why we have such strange doors, steel; is stronger than wood and less flammable. In the unlikely case we were to be attacked here they will cripple their chance of getting in. They open inward so, once again in a very unlikely case, we could build an effective barricade."
Silver was beginning to feel annoyed at Sin. It wasn't right to answer unasked questions, and his mannerism was not hostile. Immediately Silver stopped walking, "Don't think you can make me trust you. I am neither an orphan nor unwanted. I will not submit your crazed ideas for the rest of my life. No matter what you say, or do, I will follow my own path; not the one someone else wants to lead me on. You conspired with both Hatan and Clife! It is animals like you that cause the hurt and pain. Raine, Fayr, what you've done to them is beyond forgiveness. I will never trust you."
Sin whirled around and punched Silver in the muzzle. Falling to the floor, Silver held a paw to his bleeding nose. "Foolish! You have no idea of what is going on here! Clife is an evil bastard who has no right to live as long as he has! I don't follow the orders of a pitiful murderer!" Sin screamed.
"You follow Hatan enough, and look at the lives he has destroyed! He killed Raine's father!" Silver interrupted in a shout.
Sin kicked the wolf swiftly and hard, "Hatan is the reason you are here and not dead, or a slave! Do you know how long he has been trying to get out from under Clife? To find his own revenge? He saw you as a way to exact that vengeance! How would you be able to kill Clife if you were worked day and night with little food? My school is not a school for such slaves. This the only path before you that you have the chance of survival. Without me, him, or your future in this building, Clife will find a way to tear you apart, to torture you... he did not care for you, or for Raine's father, but he knew that without your anger the task would be impossible."
Silver's eyes grew wide, not wanting to believe Sin, but finding it hard to not believe. Forgoing his normal behavior, Silver drooped his body to the feet of Sin, his ears flattening against his head, submitting completely.
* * *
Raine sat at her father's bedside, holding his paw in her own. The injured wolf laughed softly before speaking; "Your mother is still overreacting. This wound in unlikely to kill me, but she still knows I will die. My time has come."
"What are you talking about Father? I am not yet grown and you talk of dying!" Raine cried into her father's paw.
"Nonsense! My time came once, long ago, but I live today. I need to be reprimanded for my crimes..."
"Crimes! What crimes! You have never done anything wrong! Please don't leave me!"
Raine felt her father's paw slip from her own and watched her father pushed himself up into a sitting position, his paw holding his wounded chest. "I was ashamed to tell you or your mother what really happened during the war and I apologize. In that drawer," he said, pointing shakily at his bedside table, "are my answers. Open it."
Pushing away from her father's side, Raine opened the drawer and gasped at the contents. "Bring me the dirk and the book," her father ordered faintly.
Bewildered at her father's request Raine took the book and grabbed the hateful blade off the top of the table and, without question, brought them to him. "Now I must ask you to keep this secret. Fayr is my mate and will hurt enough without knowing the truth. So I entrust this book to you it is a record of events, dreadful events that I wish I had never taken part in. it is all truth. If you have the courage, speak with Clarice of the events. See that you can forgive her for her transgressions. Now, Raine, make sure the door is locked," he answered, asking another strange request.
Raine turned the lock in the door and turned to her father, nodding. "Good, now please do me one last favor and turn away. I do not wish for you to see me do this."
Raine obeyed, tears streaming down her fur. She knew what he planned to do, but she could not bring herself to stop it. She felt powerless, a feeling she dreaded more than death. Still, she would not prevent him from finding his peace, his redemption.
"I should have done this long ago, and I am sorry. I owe you my life and that is why I give it to you now. Your request... I have failed. All that is left of your memory is in your son now. It is because of you that I was happy, for a time, and I hot to see my child grow... I thank you for the mercy you showed to me," he whispered in prayer, "I hope this redeems me in your eyes." He took hold of the dirk and slid it into his chest, impaling him fully on the blade.
Raine heard her father grunt and ran to his side crying, "Father please!"
"Raine? Is that you?" he asked, the paw holding the dirk slid from his gapping wound and clanged on the wood floor.
He reached the paw out and brushed her face. "Remember... do not tell her what I did... and take this dirk and keep it safe. When you see Silver again... give it to him. You will know what to tell him to do with it..." he said, his voice and paw dropping off.
Raine felt heat emanating from where her father touched her. Moving a paw to the spot she rubbed it through and buried her paw in her shirt above her breast, by her heart. Standing up with dirk in paw she said her last good-byes to the father she adored, took the book, and hurried to hide them in her room. She would not betray her father's trust.
* * *
Silver walked next to Sin, watching him move. The more time he spent with Sin the more he opened up to him. So far things were better here than back home. Above all else, was the striking resemblance Sin had to his own father. Granted the physical features were different, Sin was less grand and looked less powerful, but the aura surrounding him seemed almost fatherly. The way he carried himself as he walked and how he held himself up with pride reminded Silver of his father. They were walking through a dark hallway, with no doors, when Sin spoke, "This is the back entrance of the school. Behind the door ahead of us are the training grounds. Everything from archery to sword fighting training is done out here. The inside of the building is primarily used for dormitories and learning. Although, the weaponry resides in here as well, as if an attack were to occur it would be safer to have the weapons with us and not our enemy."
Sin swung the door open and Silver marveled at the large green that stretched out before him. In the pale gleam of star and moonlight he could see the small targets and practice dummies which were set up formally from the castle wall to the trees at least a mile away. "There is not much that I can show you tonight. It is becoming late and is quite dark out, and I am sure you are hungry. So follow me to the kitchen and I'll let you make something.
* * *
It was quite a strange sight to any odd student up at that hour; a smallish canine carrying an almost full sized wolf. After Silver had finished his meal he had felt extremely tired. He also felt fullness in his stomach he had not felt in weeks. The fresh meat was the first meat he had eaten for a month. Then came the sleepiness, and Silver, exhausted from the journey, and the awful events preceding it, fell asleep in the kitchen. This left Sin to carry him up to the dormitories. The carpets lain down the hall assisted Sin in his attempt to move silently. All of the servants and teachers were asleep, and most of the students were as well, except for the few that know of secret ways of escaping their locked rooms. These students were line up against the wall talking to one another, spreading rumors they had heard of from teachers and servants, mostly just gossip. As they saw their headmaster walking through the hallway they all bent their heads in shame. Most of the students had been through traumatic experiences and that was how they ended up here. They owed most of their existence to Sin, and they showed their shame at being caught breaking curfew. All of them stood against the wall silent, with heads bowed, showing their grief at taking advantage of the rules. To their surprise Sin continued on, not saying a word to any of them, or even looking at them. As Sin disappeared into the darkness of the hallway they notice the wolf on Sin's back. All the students forgot they were just caught breaking curfew and immediately began discussing the unknown wolf on Sin's back.
Sin's muscles were tired from carrying the heavier wolf. Opening the door had been difficult as had climbing the several flights of stairs. 'Well... that's what I get for having a mansion, lots and lots of stairs,' Sin thought as he gently laid Silver down in a bed. He didn't feel like carrying the wolf around until he found an empty bunk, so he had picked the one closest to him. As Sin felt the great burden leave him he left the room quickly, not wanting to disturb the sleeping occupants, because, unlike the others he had encountered in the hallway, these three remained asleep in their room after hours. After he locked the door securely Sin rested against the stone walls of his castle. He rubbed a paw through his matted fur, feeling the sweaty moisture clinging to his sandy brown fur. 'I'll need to remind myself to wake someone else up next time there is a student who needs carrying. I may be strong, but a coyote carrying a wolf is ridiculous, especially a big male like Silver. I could have left Silver downstairs or even brought him to my chambers, but I'm sure it would be easier to adjust with some friends on the first day. At the end this will definitely be worth it,' Sin thought before heading off in the direction of his private section of the castle. The castle, while it was a school and occupied by servants, teachers, and students, it was still Sin's home as it had been all his life. To keep his house from changing too much Sin blocked off a section of the mansion for him to stay in. Here no one was allowed to enter not even the servants ever entered Sin's private chambers. 'Maybe I should bathe before I finally go to sleep, after all, I did work up quite a sweat carrying Silver up all those stairs.'
Silver had the sensations of a full stomach, sleep, being moved, and then a warm and cozy feather bed. In his dream he saw the ones he was forced to leave, and wondered, 'is this truly for the better?' Images of his mother drifted into his dream and her sad smile. Her last true emotion had been sadness. It was on the day that Raine's father had returned from the front lines with a war injury. He and Clarice were worried about the lack of correspondence from Silver's father. He seemed to always have something to say in letters or stories, Silver could recall that normally his father would send a long letter once a month. However, it had been three months since they had received the last letter and they missed reading his handwriting, and hearing about him. Raine's father had been wounded terribly, but he had had been cared for before and during his trip home and then received constant attention from Raine and Fayr. Even though he was a good friend of theirs' Silver and Clarice were not worried about him. It was the late afternoon on the day of his return that Fayr and Raine invited Clarice and Silver to visit their friend. When Silver and Clarice arrived at the house Raine 's father was sitting at the kitchen table. Upon seeing the pair arrive, the hardened soldier broke into tears. Fayr and Raine were not in the kitchen, but came running when they heard a loud ear-piercing scream. Clarice was bent over screaming and crying heavily, Silver was just standing behind her shocked, unable to express his grief. Without any words Fayr went over and held Clarice. Clarice slid to the ground in Fayr's arms and sat there, with her muzzle nestled into Fayr's chest. Raine was crying and hugging Silver tightly, but Silver was still unable to comprehend what was happening. 'Father's dead?' was all he could think. Clarice removed her head from Fayr's shoulder and looked up at her son and smiled at him, "What good friends we have Silver."
Silver looked down and saw his mother smiling at him; yet, it seemed to him it was sadder than any frown he had seen before. It showed him the pureness of her love for her deceased mate; it was true grief. Then Clife had entered their life and twisted the pureness of his mother, and that was the last time she had shown any truthful emotion. Silver was sure that his mother still had the same feeling for his father that she had on the day they had learned of his death. It was buried beneath her now false life. To Silver it seemed that he had lost both Mother and Father on that same day. He wanted them back. One, however, was long dead and buried, but he was positive that without the manipulation of Clife his mother would be resurrected from the grave of her mate. Silver knew what he wanted and knew what he had to do, but he didn't care. He was determined to see his mother express her true emotions once again, to show him her love for him, and his father. He wanted Clarice to be free from manipulation and think for herself. Silver wanted them to be happy once again. There was also Raine and her mother and father that Silver wanted to see again. If possible, Silver wanted to spend the rest of his life with Raine and the next time they meet that he is able to protect her. No more does he want to see her hurt. She has protected him and he wants to do the same to her.
Moodna felt fur tickling his body and was shaken awake by the realization of someone next to him, someone in his bed. Sitting up, he looked at the body lying next to him. He saw a smiling wolf, which in the darkness of the room looked to be the color gray and Moodna knew immediately who it was. 'Geez! Laz has not been so bold as to jump in to bed with Camio or me for months! Why is he starting now?' Moodna thought as he pushed the body off the bed. There was a dull thump as the body hit the floor and Moodna whispered to the wolf, "Sorry Laz, but I've told you that I am not interested in the same things as you. I'm sure Sin is looking for a fourth for this room and maybe the will allow you to take him to bed."
Silver felt his inspirational dream disintegrate into darkness and pain. He wondered if the pain had caused him to go blind, because with his eyes open he could not see anything, everything around him was black. Rising unsteadily to his paws Silver whirled wildly around trying to see, trying to figure out his surroundings. Felling completely at a loss Silver felt discouraged and began to whimper softly and asked himself, "Where am I?"
Silver was afraid that Sin had betrayed him. That every word the canine had spoken earlier had been a lie, just another fabrication carefully built on his desires so he would be brought down as far as possible by betrayal. "Come on Laz! You've know for months that I chase females, so you can stop your crying," a voice muttered, frightening Silver even more.
The whimpering increased in intensity and Moodna rose from his bed, grumbling, "I'm never gonna get sleep with your god damn whining!"
The lights suddenly snapped on and Silver could see again. He was in a room that, with the lights on, felt cozy and homely. There were two bunks, which took up most of the room, one on either side of him. Moodna turned to look at the wolf standing in the middle of the room and gave a startled snort. "Oh my God! You aren't Lazerous!" Moodna exclaimed staring at the mysterious wolf with a lost look on his face.
Silver turned and stared back at the nameless otter. "What are you shouting about Moodna? I'm right here in bed! Of course he isn't me because I am right here!" a second voice spoke, causing Silver to spin around to see the speaker to his right, and in the bottom bunk across from Moodna, lay a gray wolf.
"I'm kind of surprised that you didn't notice sooner Moodna! Sin came in here over an hour ago bearing that wolf on his back. Fortunately for this newcomer, and us, Sin did not place him in bet with Laz! Otherwise Laz would have lost his virginity, not that he would mind, to a stranger, while WE were both in the room!" a third voice called from above the wolf's head.
Silver looked up to catch a glimpse of the speaker, but only two white ears and a bushy black tail tip were visible. This caused Silver to think and he realized that it was a fox. A paw landing on his shoulder cause Silver to jump. "Hey! I'm sorry! When I realized there was a male wolf in my bed I assumed you were Lazerous and panicked. Not really sure why, it's just that he has been known to take advantage of sleeping males and I've told him to stay out of bed numerous times. I'm sorry if I hurt you," the otter said scratching his head with his paw, his other grasping Silver's paw and shook, "My name is Moodna, the wolf next to you is the infamous Lazerous, and the silver speckled fox above him is Camio."
"Wait a minute! I can introduce myself!" Lazerous interrupted before rising from his bed and taking Silver's paw in his and stared into the other wolf's eyes, "As you have already heard my name is Lazerous, but you can call me Laz. It is a great pleasure to meet you, what is your name?"
Moodna slapped a paw on his face and groaned, "You hit on him before you know his name or even if he's gay?"
A large smile appeared on Lazerous' muzzle and he stepped back from the stranger. "I'm sorry it's just that Sin said that it would be unlikely that we would receive a forth member in this room because of me, and I was just surprised at seeing you. Not only are you new, but you are a wolf! I'm really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I don't normally act like this, I was just hoping for a companion of sorts..."
"He didn't ask for an apology yet, let alone your life story you keep telling everyone you meet Laz!" the fox called from the top bunk.
Silver really didn't mind the attention he was receiving from Lazerous, while it was strange and different he found it enjoyable and harmless. He knew he would never be Laz's companion, but he felt at home in this room, and felt a fondness for Lazerous and the others already. "I'm sorry Laz, but I am keeping myself for someone I was torn away from. My name is Silver."
The three old friends greeted their new one by names, now that they were all known. "So, Silver, tell me, who is this wolf that you are remaining so loyal to?" Lazerous asked, inviting Silver to take a seat on the bed beside him.
Silver accepted the invitation and sat closely next to the wolf. "Her name is Raine and she is a beautiful red wolf. We've been together since we were born and she always looked out for me... that's why I choose to cooperate with Sin. If I had resisted more people would've been hurt and I would be completely alone in this world. I'm not abandoned or orphaned, I was taken from the one place I knew, and all I want is to see my mother and Raine and Fayr again.