"Then and Now" - Day 4, Chapter 4
#11 of Then and Now
This chapter is short again, and I can't fight off the feeling that it seems a little rushed. But that may have just been me listening to fast music while looking for errors. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it, and depending on the length of the next few chapters, I may upload a few in one go. Gotta wait and see.
_ ~ Ven._
Chapter 4
During that night, Li asked me to take the lead. She'd complained about feeling a little out of breath in the foreplay, and I didn't mind obliging. While she lay on her back, arms and legs wrapped loosely around me, moaning in bliss, I heard the air catch in her throat. The light of the moon was enough to see her face below me, rough coughs making it contort in pain.
Just as I'd pulled out of her, she couldn't contain the coughing anymore, and a moment later I felt a clump of slime splatter across my face.
Acting on instinct and training, I turned her on her side to stop the mucus from going back down and making her choke. At the same time, I found a tissue from the bedside and put it over her mouth.
"Shh... It's alright... Deep breaths, baby. Deep breaths." I murmured. Li was shaking from a combination of discomfort and fear, but managed to do as I'd told her and was breathing more or less steadily within a few minutes.
"I'm... S-sorry..." She whispered, too ashamed to even look me in the eyes anymore.
"Hey, nothing bad happened. Nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart."
"I... Spat in your face..."
"Not like you haven't squirted there before, right?"
Leanne let out a raspy giggle, reaching out to hold my hand.
"Li, I don't want to wait with this anymore. I know you're tired and would rather sleep, but I'd rather get you back to the hospital in New York and get you checked out."
I saw her emerald eyes lock with mine, though hers were damp with tears. She was begging me not to push the situation, but I'd had enough of waiting.
"Please, Leanne. All I want to do is catch this before it gets worse. The earlier a problem is diagnosed, the faster it's treated."
After a moment, Li let out a deep sigh. "Okay... Would you please let me take a shower first? I've never had the most subtle of scents after sex."
"Yes, of course. I'll even come with you, if you want?"
A nod, coupled with a weak smile.
The shower consisted mostly of us sitting down together on the floor, water washing over us while Li remained cradled in my arms. I could tell she was afraid of what was to come, and to tell the truth, I was no different. My medically-trained mind was giving me ideas of what could have been bothering her, and none of those was any good.
I could feel the stress and worry piling up in both my mind and heart. Whenever I let my mind drift off, I started imagining what would happen to Li. There were no good resolutions there - the most vivid image in my head was of me placing a single red rose on a pitch black coffin.
When that thought popped in to visit, I'd already gotten out of the shower and was by the sink. The coffin, the grave, the tombstone, the broken heart... I dropped to my knees by the toilet and retched. No vomit left me; just tears and spit.
Leanne sped out of the shower at the sound of me doing that, holding me by the shoulders to stop me from hurting myself.
"Jesus... Are you okay?" She asked, once I'd slumped to the side and sat down.
"I'm... Fine." I told her. "I just... Sucked in some... Tooth floss... By accident."
I was never a good liar, but to trust someone with one's life usually means to accept even the most ridiculous excuses. Li nodded, gently kissed me on the forehead and picked up a towel to dry herself off.
I thought that we'd manage to leave undetected, but in the middle of getting dressed, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in." Li called, after getting a nod of approval from me. Lisa stuck her head in, looking at us with a mix of curiosity and worry.
"Leaving so soon?" She asked.
"I want to get Li back to the Hospital and get this problem fixed. I promise, once she's well, I'll bring her right back to you." I explained, approaching the door. Lisa looked down, sighing, but nodded.
"Could I have a word with you?"
"Of course." I looked back at Li. "I'll be back soon, sweetheart."
"Okay."
Lisa took me to the living room, where Andrew was sitting with a cup of coffee in his paws. There were two more mugs, one of which belonged to the Wolfess. I assumed that they didn't want to give their daughter caffeine to let her get some sleep on the plane back.
"The coffee is for you if you want it." Lisa nodded to the mug. I didn't hesitate in picking it up and drinking. Once I was done and the mug was back down, both of them stood to face me.
"We don't know how bad this is." Andy began. "We're hoping for the best, but hope rarely gives out freebies. We just wanted you to know that we're grateful for a Godsend like you, Richard. You've always put Li before yourself, you've always loved her with all your heart, and though you don't speak of yourself very highly, know that you're worth more to all of us than... Well... Anything."
"Richard, ever since I first laid eyes on you, I knew you'd never hurt our little girl." Lisa continued. "Thank you for not kicking her out when she came back to you, thank you for bringing her back to see us and thank you for just being you." She padded forward and embraced me. When she stepped back, Andrew shook my hand.
"I want you to know that you're part of our family, as you've been since you showed Leanne what true love feels like. I don't care what blood lines say anymore; I'm proud to call you my son."
"Thank you..." I smiled. "Both for taking me in, and for bringing the love of my life into this world."
"Don't mention it. Was fun for both of us." Andy nudged Lisa, making her blush. She took a deep breath to calm down, looking at me again.
"Richard... Stay strong for her. I know you're falling apart, I know you're in pain, but she needs a rock right now, and you're the only one who she can hold onto." The Wolfess finished, taking one of my hands with both of paws to squeeze it.
"You'll see your girl again, I promise you that. Whether it's to say goodbye, or to be told that she'll live a happy life, you'll see her again."
They gave me nods in response. I left then, fearing that they couldn't hold themselves together any longer than that.
The plane tickets were bought at the terminal, and we were on a flight back to New York in a matter of two hours. Thanks to the time of night, we were on a smaller plane than before, designed to carry no more than thirty passengers, and even then it was only half-full. Li pushed up the armrest and leaned into me to drift off to sleep, and the flight attendant was kind enough to bring us a blanket to put over her. I thanked the Feline with a smile, as not to disturb the Lupine in my arms.
Despite trying really hard to get to sleep, I just couldn't close my eyes. I was constantly thinking about what treatments to give her, what specialists to call in, how I'd be able to hold myself together no matter what happened... All in all, my brain was too busy to even consider getting a few hours' rest.
I'd gotten so deep into thought that I didn't notice how much time had passed, and that we were landing in New York once again.
Li was roused from her sleep by a little bit of turbulence. Her eyes blinked open, she yawned, then cuddled onto me for warmth, but was denied further slumber by the Captain announcing our arrival.
Grumbling slightly, she looked up. "Did you get any sleep?" She asked, frustration vanishing once she saw the look in my eyes.
"No..." I admitted.
"I want you to at least take a nap before you take me to the hospital, okay? We'll stop over at your place for a few hours, then you can bed down."
"But-"
"No buts! I'm the woman, I know better, and don't argue with me 'cause you won't win."
With a slight chuckle, I rolled my eyes. "Okay, darling. I'll try to get some sleep at home."
Once we got back to my apartment, I managed to bargain a few more minutes out of Li to call up the hospital and get everything prepared. A room, the MRI machine, tests, previous documents. Luckily, I'd called when a friendly receptionist was about, so she was able to get me what I needed with no questions asked.
I also needed to call Michael, the resident Surgeon, to ask if he'd be able to help me, but for the life of me I wasn't able to remember his number.
"Li, could you go upstairs to my study and find a little black booklet? I need to find a phone number in it."
"Any more distinguishing features other than it being black?" She asked, obviously thinking ahead.
"Ah... There's a red strip of fabric jutting out of the spine as a bookmark."
"What about a particular drawer?"
"Actually, I have no clue. Do you want me to just go and look?"
"No, no, it's alright." She kissed the crown of my head and hopped off. In the time she was away, I simply stared at the blank television screen as if there was something on it. The darkness was oddly calming, though now in the 'make-you-sleepy' way. Just in the way that I didn't have to think about anything. For the first time in a long time, my mind was completely clear.
That was, up until the little black book was put on the coffee table in front of me. And on top of it, a silver .357 Magnum. There was a single bullet in the cylinder, just as there had always been. No points for guessing what the intended target was.
Leanne sat down next to me, looking at me with an expression I simply couldn't read.
"I thought you were exaggerating it before." She murmured, after several minutes of complete silence.
"I wasn't." Delicately, I picked up the revolver and flipped open the cylinder to have a look at the bullet. There was nothing carved into it, no marking of paint. It was a plain old cartridge. I saw no need to sign my own death with anything other than a lump of lead.
"How many times did you try?"
"Four. They got closer together over the past two years. The last two were only months apart."
Leanne's voice dropped to a whisper. "Why didn't you?"
I turned my gaze towards her, though I'm not sure if it was fatigue keeping my expression neutral or the decisiveness. I was sure that the fifth time would be the last. But, then again, that's what I said about each previous attempt. "At first, it was hope. That you'd come back and stop me. Over those four times, that gradually changed to fear, up until I realised that I was too much of a coward to do it."
The Wolfess' jaw quivered and tears filled her eyes. She reached out, taking hold of the gun and my hand with it. "Richard, make me a promise. Please."
"Alright."
"Don't ever do... This." She wept. "Whatever happens tomorrow, whatever happens to me, don't do this. Swear to me that you won't."
"Li..."
"Promise me this!" She shouted. The tone she used there, she'd never used against me before. It frightened me. Not into submitting to her demand, but to seeing it in another light. She'd accepted that she'd pass, she'd perhaps done it years back, but she didn't want anyone else to die because of her, especially the man she loved.
"I promise you that I won't shoot myself." I whispered.
Only when she'd heard me say it, heard me promise it, then she threw herself against me and cried into my shirt.
"I d-don't want y-you to d-die." Li mumbled in between weeps and sniffs. "It's e-enough to kn-... Know that I c-caused your p-pain. I could n-never close my eyes knowing th-that I caused your death too."
I hugged her tight, having dropped the gun onto the sofa behind her. I guess you could say that there were two paths in life there; the Wolfess and the gun. And depending on point of view, one could provide more comfort than the other.
Li didn't release me after she'd gone quiet. I picked up the revolver again and flipped open the cylinder, taking out that single bullet I'd intended for myself. This cartridge held a message more powerful than words could describe. My life. My hopes, my dreams, my memories... Me. By putting the bullet in Leanne's paw, I gave my life to her. She drew back to look at it, her eyes still wet with what my shirt couldn't absorb.
"That's yours now." I murmured, closing her hand over the cartridge. Li was a smart girl, always had been, and she understood the symbolic meaning without the need of any prompts. Looking into my eyes, she raised the hand which held my vice and pressed it to her chest, on the level of her heart, her paw clenched tight around it.
We sat there for a few minutes, in total silence. When she felt that she'd had enough of that, Li took my hand and gently pulled me out of the couch.
"Come on. You need to get some sleep." She told me. I nodded.
We lay down in the bed together after stripping. I stayed in my boxers, while she put on a loose shirt and nothing more. I had expected her to lie down in front of me, as she'd always done before, but Li had something else in mind this time.
She got in bed behind me and spooned me instead. I couldn't say that it was an uncomfortable position.
"If your pillow's not soft enough, feel free to use my boobs." Leanne murmured in my ear, then kissed my cheek. She'd always had that way of cheering me up, one which no other woman could even come close to matching.
"I love you, Li." I said, closing my eyes with a smile.
"I love you too, Richard, and I'll never stop loving you."