FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The dawn broke to reveal a glorious, grey morning that threatened rain.

'Ah, autumn!' I said, looking out over Southampton. In truth, the weather was more like winter but officially it WAS still autumn. Despite the gloomy weather, I was all sunshine, and why? This was it, my first long holiday in years and it was to a place I'd wanted to visit for many years, Equestria! Nothing, not the weather, nor the news that a sudden downturn in the currency markets meant that my savings would be worth a lot less bits was going to spoil my holiday.

"What is Equestria?" Those were the headlines for weeks following what became known as "first contact". Five years ago, cyberspace was abuzz as the skies literally opened up just east of the Philippines. For weeks, scientists all over the world had been secretly monitoring a mysterious energy output, water displacement, and soon a small land mass. The UN sent scientists to investigate the anomaly,as well as a small peacekeeping force. They were aboard an international flotilla, Russian research vessels, and various military vessels from several nations. Ships such as USS Ronald Reagan, HMS Dauntless, ROKS Sejong the Great and, though not officially declared at the time, HMS Astute was lurking below, in case of the need for surprise.

I had just completed my LLB when the news broke; Earth's first contact with aliens. But what it really was, we had yet to see. Then, it appeared. A pony-like being with wings, a cyan coat and, oddly, a rainbow-coloured mane and tail was flying around the patrolling helicopters and boats, cavorting in the air in great bursts of speed and performing tricks. What on earth was this pegasus creature doing? Rainbow Streak, that's what the military called it rather than "bogey" Soon diplomatic relations had been forged, and human & pony kind began visiting each others worlds. The gateway island became known as Neo Equineox. It had a UN embassy through which you had to pass to reach the portal It was defended by a garrison of ponies and humans and had a 200 mile total military exclusion zone. And that's where I was headed on the RMS Equitania, the first vessel to be built with ponies and humans in mind. The port was a hubbub of noises, people chattering, the giant cranes on the far side shifting containers and it was packed! I looked for the right line and spotted a banner reading "British & British OSN passports". I fought my way through the crowd and joined the queue.

'Passport! Medical certificate!' called the man as I reached the desk

I handed it to him and he checked it before handing it back to me.

'As you know, Equestria insists on a full medical check of every potential visitor to their land. This includes any and all transmissible diseases. Have you come into contact with anything, or engaged in any activity which may have put you at risk since gaining medical clearance?'

'No.'

'Right then, sign this.' he said, pushing a document which was headed which the royal coat of arms and in big bold letters MAKING A FALSE DECLARATION IS A CIVIL OFFENCE AND CARRIES THE PENALTY OF £ 30,000 AND/OR 3 YEARS IMPRISONMENT

I signed it and returned it to him.

'Carry on, just follow the arrows.'

I followed and was greeted at the gangplank by the Cunard man.

'Good morning sir, welcome aboard the Equitania, may I see your boarding pass?'

'Certainly.' I said, showing them to him

'Thank you sir, have a pleasant voyage.' he said handing it back to me.

Two days into my voyage, I met an affable guy from Sweden.

'Good morning! My name is Lars.' he said in perfect English

'Edmund,' I replied, offering my hand.

We shook, and then began chatting.

'So, what are you going to Equestria for?'

'I'm taking a holiday, two whole months and it's the longest I've had in years! And yourself?'

'The winter in Sweden is very cold, and I hear Equestia has a lovely summer.'

'So you're taking a holiday, too?'

'Working holiday, I'm an arborist and I'm going a place called Appleloosa to work. For six months I'll be learning about Equestrian orchard techniques.'

'Oh wow, that sounds fun.' I said, knowing Appleloosa was far out of the way where few humans ventured.

'I like the challenge, plus the name is very interesting - like this ship!' He said, grinning.

'Yeah, I hear it's a pun on the name of an old ship, I guess they have a sense of humour at Cunard.'

Two weeks later, we were at Neo Equineox and I said my goodbyes to Lars on the other side.

After my first week in Manehatten, I decided that I should explore the city a bit more and so I pulled open the wardrobe, and selected my best suit, a blue pinstripe three piece and laid it gently on my hotel bed. I shaved carefully, ensuring that not a single trace of stubble was left before showering vigorously. I dressed quickly, but without haste to guarantee I put no creases in my pressed suit. I gave myself on last look over in the mirror, everything looked perfect. And so, suitably dressed and groomed, I stepped forth to explore Manehatten on a Friday evening. After a walk through a park, I noticed a café and decided to buy a cup of tea and watch the sun set.

'That'll be 2 bits, please.' trilled the violet maned mare behind the counter.

I reached into my pocket and withdrew two gold coins and placed them on the counter with a small sigh. I was barely one week into my Equestrian holiday and already my funds were running low. I was so caught up in my thoughts I wasn't looking where I was going, and I bumped into someone - or rather somepony. A mare with a two tone blue mane and tail, a light cream-yellow coat and freckles. To top it all off, she was dressed almost exactly the same as any milkman.

'Ahhh!' she squealed as she fell over, and it was then that I noticed that she had the biggest teats I'd ever seen, human or otherwise

'Pardon me, miss! Let me help you up.' I said, and I grasped her hooves and pulled her back to her hooves.

'Well, aren't you going to say something about my teats? Everypony does.' she said with a sour expression to match her tone

'Why should I? You haven't said anything about my hands.' I replied, hold them up in demonstration

She blushed slightly. 'Well all right then, but please watch where you're going in future.' she said crossly in her vaguely British accent, which, for the life of me I couldn't place.

'I will, and once again, I'm sorry.' I replied hastily.

She nodded, and walked off.

She paused, hesitated, and then looked over her shoulder, 'Hey, if you're ever in Trottingham, look me up, okay?' she called back to me

I didn't know what to do or say, so I sat down and slowly sipped my tea and opened my copy of The Times. I read the same paragraph over and over, or rather my eyes skimmed over it.

'Rather disappointing, isn't it?', a voice made me jump

I turned and saw it was a unicorn mare, with a white coat and a pink mane and tail.

'Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you.' she said hurriedly

'It's quite all right, I was just lost in my thoughts. What were you saying?'

'That headline there,' she said, pointing at the paper.

I looked and read, 'U.S Senator calls Equestrian ponies "demons".'

"United States senator Carl Rowen (R. Alabama) echoed calls for a rethink on the alliance with Equestria, as well as a halt to talks with the Griffin kingdom, at a press conference yesterday. When pressed for his reasons,the Alabama senator declared 'Their slovenly disregard to (sic) modesty, natural nakedness, all are sure to turn decent folk into sinners of the worst kind!', adding 'These ponies are nothing more than demons sent to tempt mankind away from God's light.' In the wake of these statements..."

I stopped reading after that and placed the paper on the table.

'On behalf of my species, I am deeply sorry for him, and all those like him.'

'So you don't approve of his views?' she asked.

'Indeed I don't. As it happens, I'm a member of a group working towards greater co-operation and interaction between our peoples.'

'Is that what brings you here, to meet like-minded ponies?'

'Oh, no, I'm actually on holiday.'

'What do you do?' she asked earnestly.

'I'm a solicitor, in the human city of Manchester.'

'And what does that involve?'

'Well solicitors deal with the common legal things like wills, divorce and small disputes. And in my case I also have to do a lot of prep work for the barristers.' I said, annoyance seeping into my voice.

'How come?'

'To be honest, being a solicitor isn't that prestigious, and it doesn't pay all that much. So, I'm trying to become a barrister myself, to that end I have to do a lot of the more boring work for "proper" lawyers.'

'Oh my, seems like a tough job.' she said.

'Tell me about it, late nights and early starts.' I told her

'But, once I go back, I'll sit the bar examination and then I'll be a real lawyer!' I said whistfully. 'And then I'll have plenty of money, no more cheap living and begging my parents for money.' I blurted out before I could stop myself

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, please forget I said anything.' I blushed bright red at my faux pas

'It's okay, I don't mind. I know what it's like to be short of bits. Do you want to talk about it?' she said smiling sympathetically

I hesitated, was it right to pour my troubles on a complete stranger? I figured that I should at least be friendly, so I decided I would.

'If you're absolutely sure, it would be nice to have someone to listen to me.

'Wonderful!' she cried, clopping her hooves together.

'But where are my manners? I ought to introduce myself first, my name is Edmund, Edmund Johnson.' I offered my hand, before realising that ponies couldn't shake hands

'And I'm Ever Ring.'

And so, introductions done, I let flow everything on my mind. My parents high expectations, my massive student loan I was struggling to pay and the difficulties of my job, with it's low pay and long hours.

'So, I took the chance to go on a long holiday here to relax.' I finished.

'Hmm...' she looked over at me earnestly

'Could you humour me by standing up for a second?'

'Umm, sure,' I said standing up and straightening my suit.'is this okay?' I asked

'And could you give me a slow turn, as well?' she asked

I complied, turning slowly.

'Wonderful! you dress so sharply, with a three piece suit and perfectly polished shoes.'

I sat back down, 'If you'll pardon my asking, why did I do that?'

'Well Edmund, I think I may be able to help with your money woes.' she said

'Really, how so?' I asked, wondering what she was driving at

'Well, I work for a company called "Gentlemen for Mares". You see, our gender ratio is very unbalanced, with many more mares than stallions. This means that lots of mares lack male companionship. Fortunately, your world has lots of males, and our company sets up mares with our gentlemen so they can enjoy what they have been missing out on.'

I considered her words before speaking.

'So these "gentlemen" take mares on dates, spend time with them, that sort of thing?'

'That's right, those sort of things.' she replied. 'And I think they'll love you! You dress well, speak well and really are a gentleman.'

I stalled for time by gazing out at the Manehatten skyline, silhouetted by the setting sun. Did I really want to be an escort for ponies?

'The money is good, the job is easy and enjoyable - the perfect job for a fine young man like yourself.' she added

Damn, she was right! I thought it sounded like such a golden opportunity, just take a few mares out on dates, or provide them with some male company and I'd get paid well for it.

'I'm not sure, can I sleep on it?' I asked at length.

'Of course, here's my card; the address is right there on the front. When you decide that you're interested, come in and we'll get you signed up!'

'Hey, hold on, now! I've not said yes yet!' I said hotly

To my surprise, she smirked.

'Yet , 'She replied knowingly, 'I have a feeling that I'll see you tomorrow, but until then it's been a pleasure.' she rose from her haystack "seat" and I quickly rose from my own human chair.

'Thank you for the pleasure of your company, Miss Ever Ring.' I said and gave a slight bow.

The next morning I woke up to the sounds of a bustling metropolis.

'Bloody hell, how can a city without cars or any other motor vehicles be so noisy?!' I asked myself loudly

I made my way to the bathroom and had a quick shower, which woke me up slightly.

'Coffee, I need coffee.' I mumbled to myself

As I drank my coffee, I logged into the computer to check my bank balance.

'Checking account, £ 400. Savings account, £ 20.85. Equestrian access account, 120 bits.' I read in a monotone

Great, in addition to the 10 bits I had on me, that was a grand total of 130 bits to last the month.

'Unless I shift some money around, I'm done for.' I said to the empty room. But I knew that if I did that, I'd default on my rent

It was then that I spotted the card that Ever Ring had given to me. I picked it up and stared at it. It had a typical silhouette of a man in black tie and in flowing gold writing it read:

Gentlemen for Mares 219 East street Manehatten

Underneath, Ever Ring had written her name. I glanced back at my computer screen and with a sigh, closed it down, I had no money to spare, and no other choice.

I arrived at a nondescript building made of red bricks, with white framed windows. Inside was all oak panelling and green baize. Under a vast, domed atrium there was what could only be the reception desk.

'I, m-,'I cleared my throat before continuing 'I met a mare by the name of Ever Ring yesterday, she, um - told me to come by if I was interested.'

The yellow earth mare looked up from her book, and I was surprised to see that it was that terrible version of a terrible book, 50 shades of grey(pony edition)!

'And your name, please?' she asked in a sweet voice.

'Edmund Johnson.'

She pushed a button on the desk with her hoof. 'Paging Ever Ring, there's a Mr Edmund Johnson to see you in the reception. That's a Mr. Edmund Johnson for Ever Ring.

'She shouldn't be too long dear, just take a seat over there.' she told me, pointing with her hoof at some seats against the far wall.

'Thank you miss.' I said and turned around, as I walked I couldn't help but feel she was staring at my butt. Inwardly I was conflicted, on the one hand, she was a pony, eyeing me up like so much meat. But then I thought 'Heh, even other species can't resist me.'

You see, I'm for lack of a better word, nondescript. Average height, weight, conventionally handsome, dark brown hair and grey eyes. Nothing particularly striking about me. Sure enough, it wasn't long before I heard the echo of hooves on the polished wooden floor.

'Mr Johnson, I just knew I'd see you today.' she said smugly.

'I had a feeling you'd say say that.' I said, standing up, and fixing my suit, smoothing out any rumples.

'Right this way, please.' she said, still with that self assured, rather triumphant look on her face.

As we made our way down the corridor, I felt more and more unsure of my decision to come.My footsteps seemed to echo ominously, and the corridor seemed to stretch on forever.

'Where exactly are we going?' I asked, to break the silence.

'I'm taking you to see the boss, she'll give you a brief interview, and then we'll begin your induction.' she replied.

'I see.' adding, 'If I say yes, damn it.' under my breath

Before long, we had reached a set of oak doors with ornate handles and a polished, brazen plaque that read Platinum Corona. Ever Ring knocked, and the sound echoed in my mind like a cannonade.

'Enter!' called a haughty voice from within.

Upon entering I saw yet anther unicorn, but the startling thing was that she was wearing clothes! And not just any clothes, a tight blue and purple catsuit. She sat at an ornate desk, with a solitary chair in front of it.

'So, this is him then.' she said to Ever Ring 'Sit.' she added, indicating the chair.

'This is him.' Ever Ring affirmed.

'I am Platinum Corona, founder of Gentlemen for Mares, Equestrias' premier company in Man-Mare connections. she said, putting strange emphasis on the word "connections".

'Connections?'

'Exactly what is it you think we do, Mr Johnson?' she asked me, one brow raised, 'How much did Ever Ring tell you?'

'Well, I know that a lot of mares lack male companionship, so they pay for human men to spend time with them. Take them to dinner, or some romantic place, give them a good time. You know, those sort of things.'

' I see,' she replied briskly 'It seems some rather important details have been left out by my associate.' she continued, with a faux reproachful glare at Ever Ring.

Whilst our gentlemen do indeed wine and dine their mares, there's something else to the job too.'

'Like what?' I asked figiting in the hard wooden chair

'Tell me Mr Johnson, do you find mares attractive? Sexually I mean.'

'I beg your pardon?' I said, my voice rising

'Mares, could you be intimate with them, could you have sex with them?' she replied

'What!? How could you ask me that?' I shouted, rising to my feet

'Calm down, Edmund.' Ever Ring pleaded

'Calm down? That's hard considering what I've just been asked.' I snapped, lapsing into my natural accent

'Do you realise how hard I worked at learning to be an actual gentleman? Lessons in received pronunciation, how to dance, eat and dress! All so that I could fit into high society. And now! Now you expect me to throw it away to become a... a gigolo for mares?' I paced back and forth as I spoke, 'If word got out, I'd never practice the law again!'

I sat down heavily in the chair, my chest heaving, my mind racing.

'Edmund?' Ever Ring asked, a genuinely concerned look on her face.

I took a few deep breaths before answering. 'I, I'm fine, could I just think for a few minutes?'

'Of course you can, take your time.' Platinum said gently.

'Thank you, I'll just step out for a moment.'

Once outside, I loosened my tie, and unbuttoned my collar button.

"What do I say? I do need the money, and it's not like I wouldn't enjoy it." I thought as I paced the corridor.

"They're not human, think of the scandal!" another part of my mind chimed in.

I shook my head, 'No!' I said aloud and then, redoing the button and tie I squared my shoulders and opened the door to Platinum's office.

I stood there, feeling their gaze upon me and felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

'Ladies, I'm sorry, but this is a big decision, and I can't make it right now.' I said flatly.

'Well, I can't say I'm disappointed, but I can't say I'm surprised either.' replied Platinum.

'I'm not saying no, I'm saying I can't say yes right now. I'll think it over, and then make my decision.'

To my surprise, Platinum and Ever Ring were smiling.

'That's a very wise choice, and we respect that.' Ever Ring told me.

'Well then, ladies, I thank you for your time, but if you'll excuse me, I have a holiday to enjoy, lots of places to visit.'

'Of course. So, where're you headed to next?'

'You know, I've heard good things about Trottingham.' I said as I left the room.

'Trottingham station! All passengers for Trottingham, this is your stop!' called the conductor as the train pulled up at a very small station. I took my carry on bag from the rack above, and exited the train. Having retrieved my suitcases from the luggage wagon, I headed for the bed and breakfast I'd booked. As I walked through the town, I was struck by how quintessentially English it was.

'I'm proud to consider myself a "little Englander" but this is ridiculous!' I muttered.

I arrived at the Rose & Thorn bed and breakfast and was greeted by the homely proprietress, a mare by the name of Eiderdown.

'Good morning sir!' she called in a broad west county accent.

'Good morning, I'm Mr Johnson.'

Ah, Mr. Johnson wonderful! I have your keys right here.' she said pushing them over the counter towards me.

'The big one is the front door key, and the smaller one is the key to your room, which I'll show you now.'

As we climbed the stairs, she pointed out certain nick-knacks and pictures.

'So Mr Johnson, what brings you to Trottingham?' she asked eventually.

'Well for one, it's the part of Equestria most like my home country. But also, there's a certain lady I'd like to meet again.'

'Ohh, how romantic! You've come all this way just to confess your love.'

'It's not quite like that, I just happened to bump into her in Manehatten, and she mentioned she was from here. I thought maybe we could get to know each other better.' I explained.

'What does she look like? I bet I know her!'

'She had a blue mane, yellow coat, dressed like a milkman.'

'Oh, that's Milky Way!! My, you must of done something special to have her to tell you where to find her.'

'I didn't stare at her teats if that counts as a "special" thing.'

'That certainly is a rare enough occurrence for the poor filly. Why I remember when she first started growing them, all the colts were just terrible. The other fillies were just as bad, if not worse, envious see, of the attention she was getting.'

'How terribly beastly of them!'

'Yes, foals can be so cruel. Well, here's your room, Mr Johnson, let me know if there's anything you need.'

'Thank you, I will.'

The next morning, as I came down for breakfast I was intercepted by the owner.

'Mr Johnson, quick, follow me!' she hissed from the door leading to the staff only area. Curious, I followed her through the office.

'Where are we going ma'am?'

'You'll see!' she replied with a mischievous look in her eyes.

As we entered the kitchen, I saw that she had taken it upon herself to play matchmaker.

'Milky Way, wait dearie!' she called, and the milkmare turned around as she was leaving via the back entrance.

'Thank Celestia I caught you!' she said eagerly as she approached. 'This young gentleman has something to say to you.'

Gentleman?! What gave her that impression?

'Oh no, I don't work for that company!' I said, blushing furiously.

'Oh?' Both mares said in unison.

'Wait a minute! You're the guy who bumped into me in Manehatten!' Milky Way exclaimed suddenly.

'Erm, yes. I thought perhaps I should apologise properly, may I offer you lunch sometime?'

'I don't know.' She replied, her ears flattened and she scuffed the ground lightly with her hoof.

'Go on dear, say yes.' encouraged the older mare.

'Oh all right then. I have a day off tomorrow, we'll do lunch then.'

The next day I left the Bed and Breakfast with a large picnic basket and met Milky Way at a local park.

'Sorry, did I keep you waiting?' I said, sweating slightly under the heat of the sun

'No, I just got here myself.' she replied smiling.

'Well then, lets eat shall we? Eiderdown says she has prepared a special basket for us.' I said opening it

'Look at this, apple juice, canapés and - oh my lord!' I had just withdrawn a heavy brown envelope on which was written "This is the key to the honeymoon cottage - just in case. Good luck, Eiderdown"

'What, what did she put in there?' asked Milky Way urgently.

'Huh, oh uh this!' I said pulling out the first thing that my hand fell on.

'A can of insect repellent?' she asked doubtfully.

'Oh yes, it's amazing how many forget it. But when all sorts of wasps and ants are swarming about you, you wish you'd brought some!' I said with forced cheeriness.

She grinned, and I felt like there were two suns in the sky for that brief moment.

'So why are you in Equestria?' she asked me, settling down on the blanket.

'I'm just here for a holiday, then I must go back.'

'What do you do in your homeland?'

'I'm a lawyer, a solicitor to be precise. I give legal advice and assistance to people.'

'That sounds like a very important job.' she enthused.

'It is rather nice, I love helping people with tough things. Sometimes it's great, like when I'm executing a will and a family member finds that they've been remembered by someone they thought would never leave them anything. It's like a reconciliation from beyond deaths' veil.' But sometimes it's disappointing like when I have to deal with an acrimonious divorce.'

'Divorce?' she asked, nonplussed by the strange term.

'Sadly, not every marriage lasts on Earth, and when they break up we call that "divorce". They can get very messy with high emotions all around.' I explained.

Her ears drooped, 'That's so sad.'

We lapsed into silence, listening to the wind blow through the trees and the sounds of other park users.

'Say, Edmund?' My heart fluttered at her use of my name. just what was going on with me?

'Yes Milky?'

'Why'd you get so keen on saying you weren't a gentleman?'

'It's rather embarrassing, but just after I met you, I met somepony from Gentlemen for Mares.'

'Really? And they asked you to work for them?'

'She sure did, though she didn't tell me exactly what they do. I only learned that later at the interview.'

She giggled, 'Poor you, that must have been a shock.'

'It was rather.'

'So what do you think of it?'

'Being a gigolo? It's weird, It seems wrong somehow. I know that lots of mares are suffering with no stallion and my heart goes out for them,truly it does. But I don't know, I don't think I could do it. What are your thoughts?' I asked.

'Me? Well I approve of it. I've actually considered using the company myself, in my weaker moments. As for you, I say go for it. I don't know you very well, but I don't think your the type to allow others to suffer or be sad if you can at all help it, your heart is too good.' she said, putting her hoof on my chest.

Again, a little flutter of my heart; dammit, stop doing stuff! I thought to my rebellious body. Soon it was time to go and we parted outside the Rose & Thorn.

'I had a really great time Edmund, thank you.'

'Me too, and if it's not too bold of me, can I take you out again sometime?'

'Sure, I'll let you know when I'm next free.' she replied, and my heart leapt and didn't come down 'til dinner time.

Sadly it was two weeks before she was free,but we did see each other occasionally, and she would stay as long as possible when making the morning delivery. Finally, on the Wednesday of my final week, a note was slipped under my door. "Dear Edmund, I'm free tomorrow, please meet me at the east bridge at one O'clock. signed, Milky Way."

And just as the note said, I met her at the east bridge.

'Edmund!' she called as I approached.

I waved back to her.

'Anything in particular you want to do?' I asked when I reached her.

'Not really, lets just walk and talk.'

And that's just what we did. After a stretch, we rested on the bank.

'Ed?'

'Yes Milky?'

'Eiderdown told me what she put in the basket the other day.'

I felt the blood drain from my face.

'I swear, I didn't ask her to!'

'I know you didn't, she told me she was surprised you returned the envelope unopened.'

'I hope you don't think that was a snub or something?'

'How could I? I know why you did what you did, and I think it was very noble of you.' she said and then she kissed me on the cheek.

I sat stunned for a moment, and slowly a thought formed in my mind, [i]"You love her Ed, tell her your feelings!"[/i] And I knew it was true, against all expectations, and defying all logic, I had fallen head over heels for her.

I turned to face her, my heart racing. 'Milky Way?'

'Edmund?' she asked, her face beetroot, her face expectantly gazing up at me.

Before I knew it, we were kissing, a passionate, hungry kiss of youthful love. After what I desired to be an eternity, we broke apart and looked each other in the eyes.

'Milky, I never expected in my wildest dreams I'd say these words, but having them to say makes me gloriously happy. Milky Way, milkmare of Trottingham, I love you.'

'And I love you!' she said, tears pouring from her eyes, even as she beamed with joy

We cuddled and then after a while I dried her eyes, and we continued on our walk.

'It's getting late and I've an early start tomorrow.' she said wistfully.

'Me too, the train leaves first thing.'

As we left the park, I spotted a stallion selling potted plants from a cart and walked over to him.

'One rose please.' I said pointing to a rose plant with a bud growing at the tip.

'Ten bits sir.' came the response in a Cockney accent.

I paid gladly and escorted Milky Way to her home. Once there, I got down on one knee, and offered her the plant.

'Milky, we may not see each other before I leave so, "This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet." Take care of this plant in the knowledge that I love you.'

We kissed again, and I returned to the bed and breakfast euphoric. That feeling lasted until I reached Manchester. Until a man is in love, he cannot describe the euphoria, the deep passion jetting up from within his soul.And until he is separated from his love, he cannot know the melancholy it brings. That is what I had to suffer being back in England.

It had been a month since my return and it was another day of the never ending monotony of work. I entered the lobby and spotted a slim man with a shiny pate and a pinched face in a lift before the doors closed, and the lift ascended. There waiting for me was my best friend Michael, a fellow solicitor and a member of my theatre group.

'Morning Ed! Very nearly late again!' he called, wagging his finger at me.

'Is the day so young?' I asked, quoting Romeo

'But new struck nine.' he replied with Benvolios' line.

'Ay me! Sad hours seem long. Was that my father that went hence so fast? ' I said, meaning my boss. I knew he was increasingly annoyed at my recent performance and it was only a matter of time before I was censured.

'It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?' Mike said, patting me on the shoulder.

'Not having that, which, having, makes them short.'

A lift arrived, and we got in and I pushed the button for our floor.

'In love?' he asked seriously as we got in.

'How can you tell?' I asked, placing my briefcase on the floor to straighten my tie

'Mate, you forget, I know you! You only ever quote Shakespeare when something major is going on!'

I grinned in spite of myself, 'Okay Mike, when you're right, you're right!'

'Well all right then, you gonna spill the beans or what?'

I opened my mouth to speak but at that moment the doors opened with a ping.

'Saved by the bell!' I said fervently.

'Damn elevator!' was his response, reverting to his natural Americanisms.

'Look, I'll tell you everything, but at lunch all right?' I said picking up my briefcase

'I'll hold you to that!' he called, and we went our separate ways.

The rest of the morning sped by with indecent haste, and before I knew it I was taking a seat opposite Mike in the staff canteen.

'Come on buddy, let's hear about this girl that's got you all worked up.' he grinned.

I hesitated before answering.'The thing is, she's not your usual woman.'

'Well yeah, she'd have to be special to turn your head so bad!'

'No, not like that.' I said, exasperated at myself for not being able to say what I knew I had to.

'So how is it, what's so different about her?' Mike asked, leaning close, as if we were plotting together and didn't want to be heard.

'She -' I took a deep breath, 'she's a pony.' I said finally

'A pony? Wow, that's adventurous of you!' he said. 'So, what's her name? Is she hot? And if so, does she have a sister?' he said rapidly.

'You're taking this rather well, most would be disgusted at the notion.'

'Hey, you're talking to a guy who hit on a lady-boy once.' He reminded me.

'Who would have thought an Asian cross dresser could be a racist?' I said, recalling the image of a four foot Thai hitting Mike with a parasol whilst calling him a "nigger rapist monkey".

'So, this mare...'

'Okay, her name is Milky Way, and she's unbelievably cute and no, she doesn't have a sister.'

'There is one thing I don't get.' Mike said seriously.

'What's that?'

'Why so worked up over it? I would have thought you already had a "thing" for ponies. I mean you are a member of Friends of Equestria.'

'Mike, I keep telling you, FoE is about building cultural links between our two worlds and spreading information about Ponykind. It's not a club of perverts who want to leer over mares.' I explained.

'If you say so, but are you really telling me you never saw a mare that you thought was cute? I know I have; like that zebra one, or the really bouncy pink one, those two are hot!'

Well, no, I'm not saying I haven't . . .' I began.

'So, why the problem?'

'Thinking a mare is nice is very different to actually truly falling in love with one, with having proper feelings for one despite her species.'

'I could see how that would be a change.' He said, nodding his head.

'So, that's why I'm so down lately. I'm in love, I cannot just go and visit the one I love, and not mention I just got the news that I failed the Bar exam.'

'What?! Dude, why didn't you tell me sooner?'

'I suppose I just didn't know how to tell you, I mean I can hardly believe it myself.'

'Damn, that's a tough break mate. Tell you what, since it's Friday, after work you an' me we'll go down the pub first round's on me.'

That night, true to his word, Mike bought the first round at our favourite watering hole, The pot O'Gold.

'So, you won't become a barrister, what'll you do?' he asked after a while.

'Well, I guess I stay a solicitor, or else try again.' I said making a pretence of inspecting my pint.

'I always sort of figured you preferred working as a solicitor, but if you really do want to become a courtroom lawyer, I have a plan that can kill two birds with one stone.'

'Really, what's that?'

'Quit your job and move to Equestria.'

'Why would I do that?'

'Simple, because there they have a fused legal system, there's no difference between a barrister and a solicitor.'

'That's one bird, what about the other?' I asked, taking a drink.

'If you move to Equestria, you can have the other bird.' He said.

'Hmm, I'll think about it.' I said, rising to go to the loo.

'If you remember in the morning that is.' Mike rejoined as I stumbled slightly.

The next morning, after my hangover had eased, I did remember, and by new years eve, I'd made up my mind. I had spent my whole life looking for "respectability" worrying about how I looked, watching what words I used, who I was seen with and for what? A small flat, high stress and poor re-payment? No, I was going to take Mike up on his suggestion, move to Equestria, take legal cases when I wanted to and not on the say so of the partners in the boardroom. On top of that, I was going to provide a valuable service for the mares of Equestria. Most of all it meant I could be with the mare chief in my heart, Milky Way. The next day I e-mailed my accountant to instruct him to sell my stocks as soon as he could. I then wrote my letter of resignation. After lunch, I pulled the card for Gentlemen for Mares out of my wallet and dialled the number.

'Gentlemen for Mares, how can I help you?' trilled the reception pony.

The line was incredibly bad, cross portal communication was very touch and go and the rates were horrendously expensive, so I hoped this would be a short call.

'Hello, my name is Edmund Johnson, could you see if Platinum is available please?'

'Just one moment.'

She put me on hold to the tune of some Bach. After a few minutes, the phone picked up, and Platinum's' voice spoke.

'Mr Johnson, what can I do for you?'

'I've made up my mind, and I'm afraid there's no chance of changing it. My answer is...yes.'

'I'm sorry to hear that, you'd have been a - I'm sorry, what?'

'Yes, Miss Platinum, I'll become a Gentleman.' I said simply

'Well, this is good news!' she said eagerly 'But, if you'll pardon me for saying so, this is something of a volte-face.'

'Ah, yes. I'm sorry you had to see that, I shouldn't have gone to pieces like I did. I should not have forgotten one of the maxims I live by.'

'Oh, and what's that?' Ever Ring asked.

'A true gentleman never gets himself in a flap. And I am a gentleman, in every sense of the word.'

I could hear the smile over the phone , 'Yes you are, and a dandy to boot! So that'll be your call name, "Dandyman".'

'My call name?'

'For privacy reasons, and to lend an air of mystery, we give all our gentlemen call names.' she explained.

'I see, then I suppose I'm happy with "Dandyman" as my call name.'

'I take this as a sign that you're returning permanently to Equestria?'

'As soon as I can prove that I have a job to go to so I can show it to the home office.' I replied.

'We'll sign the paperwork to get you over here ASAP.'

'Alrighty then, I'll see you when I see you I suppose.' and that was that.

Within a month, I had returned to Equestria, and my first stop was to visit Milky Way. When she opened to door, her face lit up and she shouted for joy as she launched herself at me.

'Edmund! I knew you wouldn't forget me!'

'How could I forget a sweet mare like you?' I replied before kissing her.

'Come and see something!'

She led me to her back garden, and there, in a large pot was the rose I had bought, now in full bloom.

'That thing you said it came true!' she said happily

'Milky my love, I fear I may spoil your good mood, but I can only stay the night, I'm going to Manehatten to sign up to Gentlemen for Mares tomorrow.'

'I don't care! You're here and that's all that matters.'

She insisted on cooking dinner, and we ate it together cuddled together on the couch.

'I suppose it's time for us to get to sleep.' Milky said with a yawn.

I suppose so, Goodnight, I'll sleep here.'

'Don't be silly, you're sleeping in my bed tonight.'

'I really want to, but I'm not sure it's such a good idea.'

'And why not?'

I coughed, 'Because what we have is special, you're not just some mare to me. I don't want to ruin our relationship by having sex too soon. I know that might sound odd considering what my job will involve, but there it is.' I finished lamely, expecting her to cry, or shout or maybe even for her to attack me.

To my surprise, she put her front hooves on my chest and gave me a quick kiss.

'I'm glad you said that, and I feel the same. '

And so we sleep together that night, with her back against me we fell asleep embracing each other.

The next afternoon, I was once again at Gentlemen for Mares.

'It's a pleasure to see you again Mr. Johnson.' Platinum greeted me as I entered her office.

I sat down and she magicked a contract and fountain pen across the desk. I began to read it over

'If you don't mind my asking, what made you change your mind?' she asked.

'A very kind Mare, and a very clever friend.' I replied, signing my messy, loopy signature: E. F Johnson.

'That's all for now, but I want you here nine O'clock on the dot tomorrow morning for your induction seminar.' Platinum said, retrieving the pen and parchment.

Two weeks later, I got a visit from Ever Ring.

'Your first customer Dandyman, and it's a big job.' she said by way of greeting.

'Some of us say "good morning". I still haven't had my morning coffee you know.' I replied.

Ever Ring rolled her eyes, 'Never mind that, listen up; here's the details of your job.'

I sighed and sank into the armchair 'Fine, give the details.'

'She's an earth mare from Canterlot, her name is Octavia. She plays Cello for the most prestigious string quartet in all Equestria, but recently her performances have slipped in quality. Her doctor recommended she find a way to reduce the stress. But, as with many top level musicians, finding a date is almost impossible. So, give her a nice relaxing evening, and reduce her stress levels.'

'Righto, relaxing evening. Got it!'

'But hang about! Isn't this a bit of a leap for a first timer?'

'Perhaps, but she did have the choice of who her gentleman would be. But she said she didn't want an "expert" and when we showed her your file, that was that.'

'All right then.' I said resignedly.

'Don't worry, we have faith in you. Just relax, and go with it.

' That evening I arrived at the address supplied and knocked smartly before stepping back. I stood stock still, one arm resting in the small of my back, the other at my side carrying a heavy picnic basket. The clopping of hooves alerted me to Octavias' arrival and the door opened to reveal a grey coated mare of surprising beauty.

'Miss Octavia, I'm Dandyman, and tonight is your special night. Please relax and let me know if there is anything you need.'

'O-okay.' she said in a silky accent which to my hearing sounded like a Boston Brahmin accent.

'First for this evening, is a picnic overlooking the city, and if you'll pardon me for saying so, you look simply stunning this evening.'I flirted as I led her to the site I'd picked out.

She made no reply, but she blushed crimson. Once there, I laid out the blanket with the corners secured by nearby rocks.

'I have a mix of Earth and Equestria food for your sampling this evening.' I began, 'From Equestria we have some of the finest oatcakes, and from earth, we have delicious salad made of 100% organic stock. And for desert, fusion cooking of apple and rhubarb crumble. The apples come from Ponyville's Sweet Apple acres, and the Rhubarb is from River Cottage, in England.'

We ate and drank, and then, under the evening sky, we talked.

'So miss Octavia, tell me a bit about yourself.'

'Well, I grew up in Ponyville, and all my life I wanted to be the very best cellist in Equestria. I wanted to be famous, renowned - but now,' she trailed off.

'But now?' I prompted gently.

'But now, it's getting so hard, the long hours of practice, the constant touring. It means I've never been able to settle down and find a stallion. Nopony wants a mare that's all over Equestria most of the year, and when she is home, spends all her time practising. All I want is a special somepony who supports me, is that too much to ask!?' she cried, tears welling in her eyes.

'No,' I said, taking her hoof in my hand 'no it's not.' I looked deep into her eyes, and gave her hoof a gentle squeeze.

I took a handkerchief out of my pocket and wiped her eyes gently. I reached into the basket and pulled out a bottle a sparkling grape juice and some champagne flutes. Holding them deftly in one hand, I popped the cork, and poured the juice gently to avoid too much foam. I offered her one and she carefully took it between her hooves. Soon we struck up conversation again.

'And what about you? When did you first realise you wanted to help people solve their problems?'

'I suppose, I first began to decide what I wanted to do with my life when I was six.' I told her.

'My parents were arguing, and I heard it from my room. After a while I got fed up so I put my dressing-gown on, marched into the living room and sternly told them that I was the judge, and that they were going to talk through their dispute.'

Octavia giggled, 'Did you really?'

'Yes, really,' I said, giving a scouts salute 'my parents were so surprised; not to mention embarrassed, that they actually complied! Ever since, I've loved that I can help people work through their problems.'

We sat a while, watching the stars come out, one by one until the night sky was a glimmering tapestry overhead.

'Come, I have more prepared for you this evening.' I said and I stood up and gallantly offered my hand and she extended one hoof which I gently grasped as she pulled herself up.

Once we had reached her home, I had her lie down on her settee.

'What are you going to do?' she asked.

'Shh,' I said, gently laying a finger on her lips, 'just relax, and enjoy.'

I started to rub her cheeks, before moving to caress behind her ears before moving to the ears themselves. She gave a slight moan, and a small tremor ran down her back.

'There, that's it, just relax and let my hands work their magic.'

I massaged her scalp and moved my hands down onto her neck 'You carry a lot of tension here.' I told her, as I worked over a knot of muscle at the base of her neck.

I reached over and pulled from the picnic basket a small bottle.

'Now, this is a special blend of massage oil, perfect for ponies in need of relaxing.' I told her before squeezing some onto her back.

I began working it into her coat and she gave another moan and laid her head down with her eyes closed. Steadily, I worked my way down to her flanks.

'Miss Octavia, I hate to disturb you but could you roll over please?' I said gently.

'Sure,' came the reply

Once she had rolled onto her back, I added more oil to her chest and stomach. As I continued, I noticed her heart rate increasing and her breathing become shallower. Throughout the massage, I alternated between light and firm strokes, first rubbing firmly, then gliding my fingers through her coat with a feather touch. I rubbed down her forelegs, paying attention to each joint and at the end, gave a sensuous kiss to the bottom of her hoof. Soon I reached her crotch, and was careful to only touch her teats very softly and swiftly.

'Again, more.' Octavia murmured

'Not just now I'm afraid.' I replied, keeping my touch light as I slid my hands around her exposed marehood and onto her thighs. I then gave her hind legs the same treatment as her forelegs. I finished up by once again teasing her by refusing to caress her teats or touch her now swollen vulva. For the grand finalè, I kissed her belly button tenderly. At that, a palpable shiver shook her, and a gasp escaped her lips.

"Did you enjoy that?'

'Ooh yes!' she replied dreamily.

'Well then, shall we continue in your boudoir?'

'Uh-huh' she nodded in response

'Can you stand?' she shook her head, 'Not to worry, I'll carry you.'

And I smoothly slid my hands under her and lifted her off the settee and to my surprise, Octavia took the opportunity to kiss me full on the lips.

'Thank you.' she said, eyes half lidded.

Once in her bedroom, I laid her down on her bed before steeping back to give her a good view of my undressing "Many ponies are fascinated (and aroused) by human clothing, and the act of undressing." advised the introduction booklet, and it seemed Octavia was one of those mares. Soon I was in my boxers, and I gave her a sly look before pulling them down. Her eyes widened at the sight of my manhood. Seeing the hungry look in those same eyes, I moved over to the bed and gave her a kiss. She passionately returned it, even adding her tongue! Not to be outdone, I slipped mine past hers and we locked tongues. When we parted, she was blushing an even deeper red.

'Now, I'm going to do what you asked me to do earlier.' I said suavely

'What ahhh!' she gasped, as I had made my way to her crotch and began lavishing attention on her teats.

Octavia moaned as I rubbed, tweaked and caressed her pert nipples. When I took one in my mouth, she squealed. Just as she was beginning to enjoy it, I stopped. Before she could complain, I gave a long, smooth lap at her now dripping sex.

'Oh Celestia, yes!'

I took my time exploring her, slipping and sliding my tongue in her pink, velvety folds. I probed deep and then lapped at the sweet and tangy juices that flowed from her sex. I curled my tongue around her clitoris before flicking it ever so softly with the tip. Before long, a tremor was building in intensity and I knew she was close to the edge.

'Octavia, are you ready?' I asked.

She nodded her assent, and gently, I eased myself into her quivering sex. I gasped at just how tight and smooth she was, it was like nothing I had ever experienced!

'Ohh, Celestia, ohhhh!' Octavia moaned as I slid my way inside her.

'Octavia?' I said, and laid my hands on either side of her muzzle and gave her another passionate kiss.

'Oh, Dandyman, you make me feel like I've not felt in years. Please make love to me!'

'I will, my dear.' I said and began slowly, sensually thrusting into her.

I marvelled at the sensation, every time I pulled out, it was like she was trying to suck me back in! As expected, she was much closer than me to her orgasm and barely five minutes in, she whinnied and I felt her vaginal walls squeeze tight around my cock. The soft massage of those soft,silky folds was too much for me and I came forcefully as her orgasm faded away.

I allowed my rapidly shrinking member to slip out and found the sight of her pussy full of my cum oddly arousing. I lay down next to her and we stared into each others eyes, grey into mulberry.

'That, that was wonderful.' she panted.

'It was my pleasure.'

We kissed and spent the next half hour cuddling. The warmth of her body leaning on mine was very pleasurable, and I scarcely paid heed to the fact that she was a pony. In my mind she was a beautiful woman who was long overdue some love and tenderness. I wasn't sure of what she wanted to do for the rest of the night, so I decided to leave the topic for her to raise. Unfortunately, my member rose first.

'Oh my!' Octavia said when she noticed it.

'Please, forgive me. I hope I haven't offended you!' I said, blushing.

'I'm not offended in the least, in fact I'm flattered.' she motioned for me to come closer.

'In fact, I'm turned on by it, so please, by all means put it to good use.'

'Yes, ma'am!' said in a serious tone and snapped a salute which she giggled at.

I made my way towards her rear, stroking her flank as I went. When I was right behind her, she flicked her tail to one side and I saw that she really was aroused, her lips were even more swollen than before. I looked up and saw her face looking back at me and I was filled with lust. seeing the glistening hole 'winking' at me.

'Please, don't wait.' she begged.

'A gentleman never keeps his mare waiting' I said and gently pulled her hips towards me until her hind legs were off the bed. I rubbed her cutie mark as I hilted myself once more in her welcoming hole.

She let out a hiss of pleasure as I began pumping. Despite having done this only moments before, I was already close to breaking point.

Octavia too was in ecstasy, biting her bottom lip. 'Ahh, yes, yes!' she yelled

I grabbed her flank as I thrust in and out of her

'Mmmm! Faster, deeper!' Octavia moaned as I slid in and out of her.

'Ohhh, Octavia! You're so good!' I gasped in reply.

Soon I felt my orgasm building and with a groan, I buried myself deep inside Octavia's sucking pussy and blew my load. Standing behind her, still holding her flank to support myself after my orgasm, Octavia spoke up.

'I'm so close' she breathed

'Sorry, it'll be a little while before I can go again.' I apologised . 'But I can do this-' I said, dropping to my knees.

'What a-AHHH!' she began to ask

I answered by licking her clit and sticking two fingers in her soaking cunt. I moved them around, and found what I was looking for - a small area of spongy texture on her "top" vaginal wall. I curled my fingers and stroked it.

'Dandyman! I'm going to; I'm going to-' Octavia began to stamp her hoof and then her vaginal walls contracted around my fingers and I felt a warm liquid hit my face. I had not only made her cum, I'd made her squirt too. 'I'm so sorry! I've never done that before, it's just...your fingers!!'

'On Earth, we call that spot up in there the "G spot" and as you just found out, it feels really good.'

'Oh, yes indeed it does!' she breathed

And we fell into each others arms (or rather legs) and slept until dawn broke. I woke up and gently nuzzled her exposed neck and she smiled, though she kept up the pretence of sleep.

'Good morning.' I whispered in her ear

'I can't hear you, I'm asleep.' she mumbled, rubbing her flank in my crotch

'Oh? then how can you be rubbing yourself on me like that?'

'I'm dreaming, and it's a really good one I'd like to have come true.'

Taking the hint, I drew my hips back and with my free hand guided my self into her again

'Ohh yes, the dream just got a lot better.' she cooed

I gently began spooning her. It was an interesting sensation, I could only fit about half way in and her pussy felt even tighter than before. I knew I'd come soon, so I reached around, and teased her teats and soon she was moaning in time with my thrusts. After a while we both came soundlessly.

'I'd best get ready to go.' I said apologetically once the afterglow had faded.

I showered and dressed and pulled a card from my pocket and wrote my call name and ID Noº on it. At that moment, there was a knock on the door.

'Ah, bother. That will be be my handler.' I said

And I opened the door to let Ever Ring see I was ready to go. I dropped to one knee and took Octavia's hoof in my hand.

'Adieu, fair mare, please allow me to recite a poem.' I said, and kissed it

She nodded, whilst Ever Ring stood at a distance.

"Now on the summit of Love's topmost peak Kiss we and part; no further can we go:"

At that juncture, I stopped and leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

'The rest of that poem is rather sad, so I'll just add this one word, "yet".The dragon mare would kill me.' I said, and kissed her on the nose.

As I stood, she was crying, but smiling at the same time.

As Ever Ring and I got into the carriage she said 'Well, she seemed very happy, what did you do?'

'My dear Ever Ring, you should know a gentleman never kisses and tells!' I said chidingly.

'But what I will say is that men of good breeding know how to treat a lady in all regards.'