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Original Prompt (copy-n-pasted from KMeme) :

I always thought that James was practically Shepard's protege. He looks up to her and asks for her advice when it comes to big decisions.

He finds out that she and Garrus are a thing and at first is a bit put off. She tells him not to knock it till he's tried it. James takes her advice and the next time they dock at the Citadel, he heads for Purgatory.

There he somehow managed to pick up a turian woman who is on shore leave. They bond over their combat experiences and whatnot and one thing leads to another.

Que James awkwardly fumbling his way around a turian's body, attempting to navigate it the way he does with humans and asari. The same happens on the turian girl's end. She doesn't know what to do either, afraid she'll fillet him with her talons.

Vega calls Garrus up in the middle of the night, asking him what the hell to do. Then James bounces back and provides the lovely turian lady with awesome sex.

And it's all thanks to Shepard's influence.

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[calling...]

[connecting to ID: Vakarian, G.]

[You are online with ID: Vakarian, G.]

[OmniChat Activated]

...

[[[["Ugh... hello?"

.

"Scars?"

.

[[[["...wha-?"

.

"Scars! Scars, you there!?"

.

[[[["...yes?"

.

"I need your help, man! I took Shepard's advice about trying some turians and now I've got a turian chica waiting for me back in the hotel room! I have no idea what I'm doing here, bro! I'm going in blind! What do I do?!"

.

[[[["...Chicken?"

.

"Chica! A girl! A turian girl! In my hotel room right now! I have no idea what to do here! Help a brother out here, Scars!"

.

[[[["..."

.

"Scars?"

.

[[[["Who is this?"

.

"Oh, for fucks sake- It's Vega! James Vega! Tight-Shirt-Guy! You know, 'Big McLargeHuge'?!"

.

[[[["James?"

.

"Motherf- YES!"

.

[[[["..."

.

"..."

.

[[[["..."

.

"Scars? You there?"

.

[[[["...Who gave you this number?"

.

"...motherfucking bird-man, skull-faced, fork-headed..."

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[[[["What was that?"

.

"Have you been with turian women, Scars?"

.

[[[["What are you-?"

.

"It's a simple yes-or-no question. Have you slept with a turian woman, Garrus?"

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[[[["...Yes, Vega, I have slept with a woman of my own race."

.

"Okay, good. That means you have a decent amount of sexual experience with them, right?"

.

[[[["Of course."

.

"That means that you can give me reliable advice. Let's start over, shall we? I currently have a very lovely - and amorous - turian female waiting for me back at my hotel room. I would very much like to rock her world. At the moment, however, I do not know how. I have never slept with a turian female before and, therefore, do not have any idea how to pleasure her to the maximum effect. You, on the other hand, have slept with turian women and, as a result, do know how to rock their world. Please give me advice, Garrus."

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[[[["...How are her hips?"

.

"What?"

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[[[["How is her waist, Vega?"

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"Why the hell does that matter?!"

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[[[["This is crucial information, Vega. I need proper context in order to help you."

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"Fuckin- Fine! They're... nice."

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[[[["A little more detail, Vega. I can't work with that!"

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"Her hips are nice. Very nice hips. They do not lie. Honest hips and waist. All of it's good. Now fucking help me!"

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[[[["How supportive is her waist?"

.

"...the fuck should I know!?"

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[[[[ "Vega."

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"Very Supportive! The most supportive in the galaxy! She can walk forever and never topple!"

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[[[["Okay, now you're just exaggerating. You don't need to try and impress me, Vega. I'm sure she's beautiful in her own way."

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"...I swear to God, Scars..."

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[[[["Okay, okay, I'll help you out. But just one more question."

.

"What is it?"

.

[[[["How's her fringe? Is it nice? How curvy is it?"

.

"Wha- It's nice and curvy! Just like every other turian out there!"

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[[[["Now that's just racist! Mr. Vega, I'm surprised at you! With comments like that, it's a wonder how you were ever able to get her to come home with you!"

.

" SCARS!"

.

[[[["Don't call me up in the middle of the night and you won't taste my wrath, Vega."

.

"I get it! I'm sorry! Very sorry! The sorriest motherfucker in the galaxy! Now will you just fucking help me!?"

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[[[["..."

.

"Scars?"

.

[[[["Fine, listen up, kid. This stuff's important..."

.

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