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Hey everyone. Welcome to Free Association, Episode 40. Large round numbers and all.

If you didn't catch my recent journal, FA has switched to updating every other week. Not something I really wanted to do, but something that I needed to do... to keep myself sane, and to give everything in my life the time it deserves. The relevant part of that, is that FA deserves more time than I can give it on a once-a-week update schedule... It deserves more attention and focus.

And sorry I haven't been getting to comments. I am alive, I promise. :P

Also sorry this one was up kind of late. Have at it.

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_ Saturday. _

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At some point,_Daniel wondered, _is it going to be okay to just say 'let's fuck!'?

After the number of 'encounters' they'd had, that had begun as a few stray smiles and a bit of flirting... before becoming a soft kiss... and then a rougher, more aggressive one, and then...

Mitch had definitely blushed less, this time. It must be getting familiar, this... interaction. Interplay.

Intercourse.

"I liked that thing you did with your tail..." Mitch was murmuring, voice content... He was lying in the younger male's arms, eyes half-shut. "Where you sort of... wrapped it around us..."

"Heheh," Daniel responded intelligently, sapped of all intellectual faculties by his post-orgasmic penumbra.

"Made me feel... safe, or something... The noises you make are pretty cute too." The gryphon giggled a bit. "Grunting and all... Unh, ngh!"

"Mmm." Daniel chuckled a bit himself, not minding the gryphon's impression of his orgasm.

"Thanks for getting me off after, too... that was nice of you..." Mitch yawned a bit - it was only midafternoon, but it was difficult to ignore the somnolescent effect of sex. At least if they were talking, they were unlikely to drop off... that had happened once.

Surprise naptime.

"S-sorry I gagged so much," the dragon said sheepishly, stammering a little out of lingering embarrassment.

"Aww, you did fine..." The gryphon nosed him, sympathetic. "You don't have to... put the whole thing in your mouth, you know, you can just suck on the end of it... That feels really good, actually..."

"Well, it was just... It's not like it's too long or anything... well... well, yeah, okay, I guess it is a bit much for me, but..." Daniel rubbed his nose, face feeling hot. "It's just so... wide. I mean, it was pushing both my cheeks apart at the same time, and it only gets thicker the further down you go, and I had to be careful of my teeth and all that..." He huffed a bit. "I just had to open my mouth so much that... I gagged a lot... I wanted to swallow, I just... Sorry."

"It felt good," Mitch reassured. "You don't have to do it at all if you don't want to, you know."

"Well, I mean, I wanna be good at getting you off somehow... Since you aren't going to put it under my tail, I guess..."

"I don't want to put it under your tail," Mitch chuckled.

Grinning, Daniel nudged him in the ribs. "I wouldn't _let_you put it under my tail! My cock goes into you, no exceptions!."

"Good!" Mitch shot back, sticking his tongue out... he still blushed a bit at the word 'cock'.

Daniel snuggled a bit closer to the gryphon, and they lay there, quiet. The room was getting messy again... Daniel needed to pick up his clothes, and put away some video games. And there was a bunch of school stuff over there he should do something with, or it would still be there by the time winter break rolled around...

...Wonder what Mitch would be doing over break. He had stayed for thanksgiving... but winter break was longer, maybe he wanted to go home?

If not, Daniel wouldn't say no to a bit more bedroom fun, and a few more trips to the game store besides... He'd even try putting Mitch's penis in his mouth again, once his jaw stopped aching from the recent attempt.

...Really, it was... a bit intimidating. Mitch sure didn't have any trouble sucking Daniel's cock; he did so hungrily and regularly. To the best of the dragon's recollection, he had yet to gag once on it.

But then, Daniel supposed he'd known it would... be like that.

He felt the gryphon nudge him with his beak, and knew the other male had caught his darkening expression. Mitch was surprisingly perceptive, really... "'Sup?"

Daniel rumbled a bit. "Thinking about dumb stuff, never mind..."

Another nudge. "You can talk to me about it if you want..."

The dragon hesitated, watching his blinds sway slightly in the breeze from the heating vent. He didn't want, but...

"I didn't really think it would bother me this much," he admitted grimly. "It wasn't really a big deal before... I didn't really care as long as nobody made fun of me or something. Not that that's ever happened."

Hah. A big deal. Great joke, dragon.

"Are you talking about... your, uh, proportion issues?"

"...Didn't realize I talked about them enough for you to start coming up with polite terminology," the dragon murmured, rubbing his nose.

Mitch eeped a bit. After a moment he offered, "Sorry?"

Daniel sighed. "It's not really an 'issue', it's... I guess it's just... being with a guy who's pretty well hung kind of takes some getting used to..."

"I'm not really that big," Mitch protested, peeking under the covers.

Daniel snorted. "Yes you are. You're above the cross-species average by a good inch or two. And you're super thick, especially at the base."

"How can you tell that?" the gryphon asked, incredulous.

"I've done plenty of research on this kind of stuff... probably a bit too much. You're... not huge, but you're big."

Mitch was blushing. "I... I guess it is kind of long... But yours isn't really that short, I mean come on..."

"It's below average. We can get a ruler if you want." Daniel's tail squirmed a bit between the blankets. "I don't really... want to compare with you right now."

Awkward, the gryphon tried again. "...Most reptiles tend to be a bit smaller anyway, even the big muscular ones like dragons... It's not unnatural..."

The dragon chuckled sourly. "The smallest, most generous average I've read for dragons as a species is five inches. Most studies on us run more like five and a half. That means Mr. Average Dragon has at least an inch on me, probably more."

Mitch was quiet for a moment. "Well... you're also not exactly the biggest dragon in terms of body size, either..." he justified.

"Don't remind me, you've seen my brother, let alone my dad. Want to give me issues about that, too?"

Mitch eeped again. "N-no..." he mumbled. "I just meant... maybe it's to be expected... Um... M-maybe it'll get bigger?"

Daniel huffed caustically. "I'm seventeen, not twelve!" He wrapped his arms around his chest, hugging himself. "My mane's all the way grown in and I have more body fur than anyone in my family; I'm fucking hairy for a dragon. Stuff is done growing down there."

"I'm just trying to make you feel better..." Mitch said quietly, defensively. "Sorry I'm not doing a good job..." After a moment, he rolled over and put one arm around the dragon. "I like your... your cock. I mean it." He was blushing a little, but nuzzled the dragon earnestly.

"...Bet it still feels pretty small inside you..." Daniel grumbled sullenly.

Mitch thought about that. "Well... not really, no."

The dragon didn't know what to say to that. He looked at his boyfriend, silent.

"I don't really have anything to compare it to..." Mitch said softly. "When it's in me, all I can think about is... how it feels to be spread open like that... Impaled... I've never felt anything like that before, and it feels so good..."

"I guess I'm lucky you were a virgin," the dragon growled, thinking about how tight Mitch felt. Probably haven't even stretched him much... some other guy could fuck him and they wouldn't even know he wasn't...

"It wouldn't matter if I was or not," Mitch said firmly.

"Heh, you said it yourself, you don't have anything to compare to. Bet if some big donkey or something plowed you, you'd find yourself making comparisons."

"That's not going to happen, first of all, and second, I'm positive the comparisons would be in your favor," Mitch said, irritated. "If you haven't noticed, you're actually really good at sex; I think most guys wouldn't mind that you're - "

"Hung like a field mouse," Daniel snorted.

The gryphon shook his head hard. "L-look, will you cut that out?!" he stammered.

Daniel blinked, put off by the other male's sharp tone. "But... I'm just being realistic!"

He was a little surprised, at how... angry_Mitch looked. "Well, I don't like it when you talk about yourself like that," the avian snarled. "Stop it. Just stop. You're being stupid. I like your dick, and I've never had a sexual relationship before, let alone with another guy, and I'm not sure if you've picked up on it yet but it's actually _really difficult for me, but I've always wanted to, and you being all... self-demeaning all the time, like that, like this, is downright _ruining_it."

The dragon stared at his companion in shock.

Who is this guy, and what did he do with Mitch?

The other male's hurt tone became softer and more gentle. He wasn't looking at the dragon, he was looking at his own clawed footpaws, poking out from under the blanket. "I... I like you. I like doing things with you. I think you're sexy, attractive, desirable, whatever, I think... that your penis is just fine. Okay?"

The dragon thought about that.

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around Mitch's chest again, and the gryphon put his own around his boyfriend's shoulders. Daniel listened to the other male's heart beating, and stared blankly at the far wall.

I guess I was a little insensitive...

Surely, however uncomfortable the reptile was discussing the... nuances, of his self-image... it couldn't be particularly enjoyable for the gryphon, either.

It was the first time either of them had done something like this. Mitch just wanted to be allowed to enjoy it. Allowed to like his boyfriend. Without snide social standards getting in the way.

Damn standards.

But the dragon sure wasn't doing himself any favors by promulgating them, was he? It wasn't like he wanted to be bigger... not really. No way he'd use any of those creepy 'devices' or 'techniques' he'd come across on the internet, and the 'herbal supplements' and 'medications' were just plain bullshit. 'Proportion', as Mitch had so delicately put it, hadn't bothered him one bit before they were together... even though he'd known he wasn't exactly...

I'm fine with the way I am. I just need to feel like... it's fine to everyone else, too.

Like they had any reason to care. Like their opinions mattered. But... as much as intellectual musing might lead one to such conclusions... that wasn't the way the mind worked, was it? People did care about such things, and their opinions did matter to Daniel... at least, now that his sex life was a thing.

Fuck everyone else. It should be enough that it didn't matter to Mitch.

But... It wasn't.

Still... it felt nice, when the gryphon began softly stroking his mane. Daniel appreciated that. Him. He returned the favor, giving Mitch a gentle bellyrub. The gryphon purred, his feline side coming out... he shivered, when Daniel's paw roamed lower... touching the moist opening of his sheath, and then curling around the warm tube of meat. Not too roughly... the gryphon was still sensitive after that load he'd shot off in the dragon's throat. He squirmed an unusual amount whenever the dragon moved his paw wrong.

There was something comforting about holding his boyfriend's junk. Maybe that was stupid... but it made Daniel smile a little, softly petting the older male's downy feathers, his bare skin. Mitch was alright with him... like this.

The span of time they spent that way was long enough that the sky began to grow dark. Though, at this time of year, that didn't particularly mean it was late. It was long enough that Daniel had recovered fully from their earlier activities, his reproductive system no longer burning with the aftereffects of those soft grunts Mitch liked. He was even starting to get a little excited again, cuddling with the gryphon in his bed.

Yet... it wasn't especially romantic. Not this time. Mitch was holding him and stroking his mane; the dragon's head was flat on his feathery chest. It was just... still. Dim. Cold.

December.

The dragon shuffled under the blankets... and then climbed over the other male and crawled out of bed. Mitch sat up, watching him, uncertain... quiet. The gryphon often looked at him that way... Sometimes Daniel felt like he was an enigma, to the gryphon. Other times, he felt like Mitch was to him.

All scales and black mane running down his back... Distant look in his eyes.

All feathers and shy glances and fidgeting.

The dragon pulled on his boxers and went to go check his phone. No texts. He'd sent Brad something earlier, what had it been again? ...Oh yeah.

Daniel looked back toward his bed. A naked gryphon was sitting on the edge of it, blushing a little, his fat sheath bulging between his thighs... his pointy tan cockhead was sticking out of it, glistening. His legs were pressed together shyly. "Um... can you..."

Daniel smiled a bit, and went over to his dresser. The gryphon had his own drawer in it, now, holding a couple of changes of clothes that his boyfriend had sorted out of his own laundry. Mitch tended to make a mess of his underwear with all the dripping he did during foreplay. Fussy guy that he was, he didn't like putting sticky clothes back on.

Daniel tossed his boyfriend a clean pair of briefs and sorted out the tangle of the clothes they'd discarded in their earlier... engagements... The dragon's mind drew up an image: he distinctly remembered getting Mitch to just lie still for a bit, and let another male stare at his naked body. The gryphon had blushed the whole time, paws twisting the blankets underneath him... but he was beautiful, nevertheless. All those soft curves and sleek feathers...

Now, of course, was a different story. The gryphon pulled his underwear on rapidly, shyly averting his gaze from the other male... Mitch was still hesitant about being out of his clothes, even if they were having sex regularly. That was all right, though - Daniel found him all the cuter for it.

"I have to go to work, soon..." the dragon sighed. He hadn't realized what a bad idea it would be to take the Saturday night shift. Even if he hadn't planned on having a boyfriend, everyone and their grandmother bought groceries on Saturday night. Didn't they have better things to do? Like go out to the movies with someone, or stay home and play with a cute gryphon's sheath?

...Mitch was always louder during round two, he said it felt different. Daniel kind of knew what he meant... though for the dragon, it usually just meant he had to thrust more roughly and for an extra two minutes.

They really didn't have time for more fun today, though... dragonsigh. He had to get Mitch back to his dorm, and then get to work, on the other side of town...

At least Brad would be there. The dragon was feeling a bit lonely tonight; he'd probably appreciate a friend to talk to after his boyfriend was out of range.

He wondered idly, dressing, if Brad and his raccoon guy had any big differences in the pants department... whether that was a thing in their relationship, like it was in his with Mitch. The first didn't necessarily imply the second... O __nly if you h_ ave 'issue s',_ Daniel thought, a bit sourly.

Brad was the bigger guy overall, and his boyfriend was a bit chubby... that always tended to make guys look a bit smaller, at least in pictures... Still, maybe Brad had a small dick, and his raccoony boyfriend was a monster. It wasn't like you could tell...

...Right? If you just looked at the nice yellow dragon ringing up your toilet paper, you wouldn't guess that his dick wouldn't poke out the end of the cardboard tube inside, would you?

Daniel sure hoped not. He was short and a bit scrawny, but he had some muscle, and people told him he was handsome. Heck, he'd been called a "stud". That had to count for something, right? People didn't... randomly judge him, right?

Good grief, dragon, the male thought, with a roll of his eyes at his own anxiety. He followed Mitch out the front door. You start worrying about how strangers might think you're hung and you'll never get any rest. No one gives two shits about some teenage sales clerk's junk.

Well, he supposed that wasn't _strictly_true. He sure had his interest in the assets of a certain doberman co-worker, who was around the same age as himself and his older boyfriend... he wondered if the two knew each other; Mortimer went to the college along with everyone else, right?

The car was cold. When he turned the key, the vents released a blast of freezing air that made him shiver. The engine hadn't warmed up yet. Daniel shut the vents quickly.

December.

Eh, they were probably in entirely different social circles anyway. A lot of people in college, and it wasn't like Brad knew Mitch, right? So why should Mortimer? Brad and Mortimer barely knew each other, from what he'd heard.

Head thickened with the web of social relationships that he'd begun to spin, Daniel wondered if it would make sense to just... go to college. Try to get enough scholarships to make it work.

Mitch would be there, right? What was he gonna do, if... he had to go somewhere far away? Though... it wouldn't be for that long, either way... The gryphon was two years ahead of him, after all...

And... he supposed he shouldn't count on Mitch sticking around that long anyway.

"You're quiet," Mitch remarked, sitting beside him in the Malibu as they cruised.

The dragon blinked. "Just... thinking about stuff," he said quietly.

He hoped Mitch didn't ask what, this time.

Mitch smiled softly. "I know," he said.

The response struck Daniel's mind blank, for a moment. It felt... strange...

...Then, the dragon smiled too.

_I'm glad someone can say that about me,_he thought. And with that, the chill mood was gone. The thoughts. There was no icy breeze, no stinging ears and nose. No December.

Just... the whirr of the car's cabin fan. The plastic of the vents under his paw... Spilling forth warm air, as the engine reached its goal.

And...

...the soft paw that came to rest atop his own, curled around the gearshift.

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Hoo boy. This was a tough one to write.

This has been a topic I've wanted to discuss seriously for a long time. I touched on it in a previous episode, which you probably remember was also one of the episodes I had a great deal of trouble writing. This one wouldn't even be necessary, if the first had gone the way I wanted to do it... there are several bits that I carried over from drafts of the previous one.

Writing works about difficult emotions and social anguish and perceptions is a very unforgiving balancing act. It's difficult to take things to the degree you want to explore while keeping them serious... Melodrama lurks around every corner, and it's so difficult to evoke the precise emotions you want to create in the reader. It's too much pushing... Readers slide off left and right, either not getting it and finding it meaningful, or thinking it went so far as to be farcical.

One of the reasons I decided to address this topic in an already-very-emotionally-charged series, was because I want to get better at this sort of writing... at pulling it off the way I mean to. I'm not happy with this chapter, not completely... But I'm happier with it than I was with the first. It's a bit heavy on the musing, a bit heavy on the perspective... but I think it's balanced. Or, at least... close. I nudged it this way and that a lot, until I didn't get the feeling I needed to nudge any specific part of it anymore.

*sigh* Writing is hard. It deserves more attention than I give it... This whole series does. Revising and shit.

40 episodes. We're over halfway done now. There's another break coming up in a while, but fortunately for you guys, it won't be as many missed episodes as last time, because of the new schedule.

See you guys in two weeks.