FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The one who holds my heart

(c) 2003, Wirewolf

Cadrie is (c) Cheetaur and Kathmandu

Yenshi wanted to play, that much was obvious. What Nassus couldn't understand was why.

What had started out as a quiet Sunday afternoon quickly turned into something very different. Yenshi had come home alone and gone straight to his room. Nassus hadn't paid much attention, being too absorbed in his work. When his young feline housemate came back out of his room and sat on the floor by Nassus' legs, he couldn't help but notice the tiger's state.

Yenshi reeked of sex. Not of physical contact, but of the potential. Nassus' keen nose couldn't detect anyone else's scent on the feliform, so it was Yenshi's desperate horniness he smelled. That was really odd.

He wanted to ask Yenshi about Azul, but didn't know how. He had naturally assumed that when the two of them had left to see a holomovie at the Cineplex that morning, they would afterwards go to Azul's apartment and screw each other silly.

Nassus could only suppose something had gone wrong. If Yenshi's date had gone as planned then he wouldn't be parked on the floor gazing up at him like he was. Yenshi didn't just smell of need, he radiated it from his eyes, those soft yellow eyes that couldn't hide anything from him.

When Yenshi smiled at him, Nassus realized it was hopeless. If he wanted to finish his work, he'd have to wait until after Yenshi's hunger was sated.

Nassus turned off his palm top and tossed it next to him on the couch. He reached down to cup the young tiger's chin in his hand. Yenshi caught his wrist and turned his hand so the palm faced upward. The feliform's broad raspy tongue raked across the beige pad of his hand. A tiny shiver danced up his spine. Of all the lovers he'd had in his life, none could jumpstart his sex drive like Yenshi.

Once he'd resigned himself to getting sticky with his housemate, Nassus was able to really enjoy the attention. And Yenshi was going all out this time. Whatever had happened between him and Azul had left the tiger feeling exceptionally horny. After a few slow licks across the palm of his hand, he moved down between his legs and rubbed his cheeks against his knees, purring.

Between the scent of Yenshi's arousal and the sight of the randy tiger staring up at him with an almost desperate expression, Nassus felt somewhat trapped. He didn't particularly mind, but the walking shorts he had on were getting uncomfortably tight. He'd only put them on to walk to the 365 Market for a six-pack. Now he wished he'd taken them off when he'd gotten home. He shifted slightly, trying to arrange himself better. Yenshi understood and helped out, in his favorite way.

Nassus sighed deeply as he felt the feline's hands slip up into the legs of his denim shorts. They were several sizes too big, to allow his fur room to breathe. That left plenty of room for Yenshi's questing fingers. The tiger's fingertips pushed past the crease of his thighs, up toward the waistband. The greyhound slid down on the couch, letting his lower body straighten out to give the tiger more room.

Yenshi's fingers met in the middle, over his sheath. The tiger leaned closer and gently rubbed his cheek over the fly of his shorts. Nassus felt his sheath getting warm under his housemate's fingerpads. Blood started to surge and he lost track of everything except Yenshi's tender ministrations.

Still purring loudly, Yenshi pushed his hands further up. His fingers appeared from under the waistband of Nassus' shorts. With a quick twist of his hands, he undid the brass button holding it together. A little more work pulled the fly open and exposed the rust colored fur of the greyhound's sheath and crotch. Yenshi took deep breaths, drinking in the scent of his partner's sex. He smiled when he noticed the tiny ring of nude skin around the sheath's opening was glistening with precum. Yenshi gave the tip of Nassus' sheath a long, slow lick. The caniform gasped at the intense sensation.

Yenshi licked and purred and nibbled, lavishing attention on his housemate that left the canine panting. The tiger slowed down as more of the dark red skin of Nassus' growing erection was exposed. He looked up into the caniform's eyes, seeing the slightly glazed look on his long, narrow face. He held his gaze as he slowly enveloped his cock.

Despite his barely being an adult, Yenshi knew more about pleasing a partner with his mouth than all the lovers Nassus had ever known put together. He would suckle with enthusiasm, then back off to slow licks with that raspy tongue of his. He would ever so lightly rake the length of his cock with his teeth and then hold still with it buried in his muzzle, purring hard enough for him to feel it in his balls.

The feliform was careful not to overdo it. He took his time bringing Nassus up. When at last he felt the slight bulge of the greyhound's knot forming, he pulled back. He grinned as the rounded tip of Nassus' malehood slipped from his lips. He licked his whiskers sensuously and quietly rumbled, "Ready?"

Nassus could only nod at first. Once he had gotten his breath back, he whispered, "Do you have a Second?"

Yenshi sat back, briefly rubbing his cheek against Nassus' inner thigh. Then he slowly turned around, presenting his rump to his housemate. As he gradually lifted the orange and white striped rope of his tail, Nassus could see a glint of silver. Cleverly clamped under the root of the tiger's tail was a small foil package. With a chuckle, Nassus plucked the condom from Yenshi's hiding place. He opened the Trojan 'Second Sheath' for canines and quickly rolled it down his cock. Within seconds, the heat of his body had activated the EverLube surface of the condom, making it nice and slick.

It was Nassus' turn now. He gently grasped the root of the tiger's tail, lifting it enough to reveal the feliform's pink pucker. With the blunt tip of his thumb claw, he carefully prodded the base of Yenshi's tail, stimulating the nerves there. He saw the feliform's tailhole clench in reaction. While he was prodding under Yenshi's tail, he put his other hand to his mouth and sucked on a finger until it was good and wet. This finger he placed lightly against the tiger's rear passage.

With slow, deliberate movements, he worked his finger into his partner. Yenshi's purr would hiccup when he pushed deeper in, but always resumed. Soon his finger was buried, and he could feel the feliform relaxing. He worked his digit in and out, slowly getting Yenshi used to the penetration. One last squeeze of the muscles surrounding his finger was followed by a whimpered, "Please."

Nassus retrieved his finger and stood long enough to kick off his walking shorts. Yenshi took that opportunity to move away from the couch so they would have more room. Nassus knelt directly behind the feliform. "Ready, kit?" he asked. A silent nod was the only reply.

Yenshi was relaxed and open, but there's a world of difference between a finger and a genemorph's penis. As soon as Nassus worked the tip of his erection into his partner, he felt the tiger's muscular ring clamp down. Yenshi moaned, and Nassus froze.

"You all right?" he asked. The young tiger took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The greyhound felt the pressure on his glans ease. Yenshi nodded and said, "Fine. Forgot how...big you are."

Nassus gave him another minute to relax before he put his hands under Yenshi's hips and cautiously eased himself into the heated depths of his housemate. They both groaned as lust began to filter out the small discomforts. The tiger's hiccupping purr started again as the greyhound began to fuck him in earnest.

Yenshi was a submissive soul, and loved his sex to be a little bit rough. Nassus never considered himself a dominant, but he truly enjoyed working his young partner's tailhole with gusto. The pair were both panting and grunting as their exercise continued. The feliform mewled as he felt his partner's knot growing. It was passing in and out of him so fast, so forcefully. He gripped the carpet with his claws and clenched his teeth as the sensation overwhelmed him.

Nassus could feel his orgasm building in him, taking over and commanding him to move faster, harder. By now, his release was all that mattered. He gripped the tiger's hips harder and pounded into him with all his might.

He came with a deep growl and a final push that buried him, knot and all, in his feliform lover. His hips shook with the intensity of it. He heard his partner moan as new heat was added between them. The Second Sheath was soon full of his seed.

Coming down, Nassus regained his senses enough to reach around to Yenshi's crotch and grab the neglected erection between his legs. The tip was slick with his lover's pre and he quickly worked the fluid over the pad of his palm. He wrapped his lubricated hand around the slim shaft of the tiger's penis and stroked it. The small, knobby bumps of the tiger's barbs traced grooves along his pads, stimulating both lovers at once.

Soon, Yenshi was bucking against Nassus' grip and clenching against his cock. The tiger shifted, lowering his cheek to the floor as his own orgasm consumed him. Feline cum spattered the carpet, unnoticed. His rhythmic grunts eventually faded to soft gasps.

Once the pair was sated, they laid down, still joined. Nassus wrapped his arms around Yenshi, feeling a quiet purr rumbling in the young male's chest. He poked his nose into the tiger's ear and softly said, "Thank you."

"Thank *you*," Yenshi muttered.

They lay there a while, listening to each other breathe. Yenshi seemed content to nap, with Nassus still lodged in him. The greyhound, however, was troubled.

Yenshi and Azul had been going strong for almost a month. Nassus had started to think maybe the Australian kangaroo would be the right mate for the Oriental tiger. They seemed to hit it off pretty strong, and Azul seemed stable enough to help balance the tiger's fitful moods. He hated to think they might have broken up. That was the last thing Yenshi needed. He'd been through too many bad relationships in his life already and certainly didn't need another sinking beneath him.

Nassus hugged his friend tighter, kissed him on top of his head between his ears and wished he could offer more than sympathy sex.

**************************

For a Monday, things were going pretty smooth. The only real problem was the document Nassus was trying to finish. It was supposed to be a written request to his boss for a second assistant to be assigned to him. So far, he'd only managed to get a few lines on the screen. His time with Yenshi the day before had thoroughly distracted him. Now he was trying to catch up on the paperwork he had wanted to finish yesterday. He wasn't having much luck. Thoughts of Yenshi still bothered him.

"How long are you going to stare at a blank screen?" came a soft voice behind him. He recognized it and answered without turning around.

"Hey Cadrie. Where have you been hiding? I haven't seen you all day."

"Ooh, the handsome fellow missed me. How lucky I am."

Nassus turned to face Cadrie, the only other genemorph working at the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh. Her small, brown furred form made her the butt of constant jokes by other members of the staff: a gopher working in a library. She was strong willed, though, and able to take the casual abuse without a second thought.

The greyhound squinted at her for a moment. "Are those pearl earrings you're wearing? They look nice."

"On my salary? Not likely. Look closer." She leaned toward him, turning her head and putting a hand on his knee for balance.

He peered closely at her small round ear. "Ah, golf balls. How cute." Her love of golf earned her more jokes.

"Thanks." She faced him, their noses almost touching. "So, when will you be ready to come play a round with me?"

Besides being extremely self-assured, Cadrie was a shameless flirt. She had been trying to get Nassus to take her out since they first met. Finding out the slim caniform was gay only made her try harder. She loved a challenge.

"Sorry, sweetie," he said grinning, for he enjoyed her friendly attention. "I make it a policy never to date anyone..." He paused to lightly tap one of her golf ball earrings. "...with balls bigger than mine."

Cadrie chuckled and beeped him on the nose. "One of these days, you'll say yes. And when you do..." She leaned closer and lowered her voice to a whisper. "...I'm gonna screw you straight."

Nassus laughed. "Good luck."

The gopher straightened and sat down at the other end of the small office they shared in the Humanities department. After a moment, Nassus said, "You never answered my question. Where were you this morning?"

"Ah, Burke had me down in storage looking for some old files he wanted."

The greyhound frowned. "Why?"

Cadrie shrugged. "I'm not sure, but I think it's something to do with the new cataloging system they're going to put in next month."

"Oh." His frown deepened. "So they're going to go through with that, are they?"

Cadrie half turned to face him. "Don't be like that. It won't be that big a deal, once they get it working." She smiled at him. "Remember, the future is coming, whether we like it or not."

"The future wouldn't be so bad," Nassus grumped, "if it weren't being forced down our throats by some asshole monkey."

"Nassus!" Cadrie said in a disapproving voice. "Just because your boss is an asshole doesn't give you the right to call him a monkey."

"Sorry." He lowered his ears in apology to his assistant.

"Speaking of the future coming, don't forget you have that group of school kids today."

"Oh shit! I forgot all about that!" He stood up, realizing he had more work to do than he had time. He grabbed his shirt from the back of his chair and slipped it on, trying to organize his thoughts.

"Nassus, what's wrong with you?" Her whiskers twitched, showing her dismay at his behavior. "I've never heard you curse so much before."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just..." He struggled to get his shoes on. As much as he hated the dress code, it was hard not to spew more curses as he tried to get his feet stuffed into his pair of poorly designed Morphicswear Padders.

"You're just what?" Cadrie prompted gently.

Nassus stood, trying to think of how to say, "I'm worried about Yenshi" without getting into a big discussion. "I'm...I've got a lot on my mind right now." He headed out to the main lobby. Before he reached the door, Cadrie called out to him.

"Don't forget you've got someone you can talk to whenever you want."

He stopped briefly at the door. "Thanks, Cadrie. I'll remember."

Luckily for him, most of the resources needed for the school visit had been set up the day before. It was only what the staff called an 'acquaintance tour', anyway. The group was made up of seven and eight year olds who were visiting the library for the first time. Still, having eighteen kids all in one place was taxing. It was a struggle to keep them focused for any length of time. By the time they'd made their way to the interactive card catalogue, he was wishing he could hand them off to someone else for a while. It didn't help that most of what he was telling them about the catalogue system wouldn't apply after they upgraded.

When Donna, the Information Resources Coordinator, tapped him on the shoulder, he jumped slightly. He turned, hoping she would have some pointless, menial task for him, as she often did. As the IRC (or as he thought of her, the 'Irk'), she was essentially his boss. She took delight in ordering him about from time to time.

He had no such luck this time. Instead of taking him away from the clamor of the school group, she pointed to the reading tables behind him. "Your friend is here." Donna made no effort to hide her views on homosexual relationships. Every time Yenshi showed up at the library, she made certain to tell Nassus. She also made certain to use the word 'friend' the same way one might use 'degenerate' or 'scum'.

Nassus nodded and did his best to extract himself from the two girls who were having trouble getting the interface to understand what they wanted. Yenshi stood as he approached.

"Hi. Sorry to bother you at work."

"Don't worry, it's no problem."

Yenshi glanced at Donna. They both knew that the tiger's visits to the library irritated Nassus' boss. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I'm gonna be out late tonight and not to worry about me."

"Oh?" The greyhound sounded hopeful. Perhaps things weren't as bad between Yenshi and his boyfriend as he'd thought. "Party?"

Yenshi nodded, but he didn't seem to have much enthusiasm. "Lamont's having an after-finals bash and he invited me." Although he wasn't in college, the tiger had made friends with quite a few students from Carnegie Mellon University.

It didn't sound right, and Nassus thought it best to ask up front. "Are you going with Azul?"

The feliform dropped his gaze. He shook his head slightly and said, "No. He's gone."

Nassus grunted in dismay. That's all his housemate would ever say when he split up with someone. It made it sound as though he considered the kangaroo dead. That was bad enough. Worse was his apparent intention to go hunting for a replacement the very next day. He had been through such an ordeal himself, so he knew it was a bad idea.

"Look, why don't you stay home tonight and we'll do something together. You shouldn't rush this." It made him feel like he was overstepping his bounds, but he thought it was best for Yenshi.

"Nah," was the casual reply. "I'll be fine."

That only worried Nassus more. Yenshi had been crazy over Azul. He doubted the young tiger could dismiss his feelings for a lost lover so easily.

"Yenshi," he began, but didn't get to finish. An impolite tug on his tail diverted his attention. Behind him was one of the girls who'd been having trouble with the interface earlier.

"Mr. Newgrange? I still can't find the disk I want."

"All right," he said patiently. "I'll be there in just a second, ok?" He turned back to Yenshi, but the tiger was already walking away.

"Don't wait up for me, I'll be late."

"Yenshi! Wait!" But he walked out without another word. Nassus frowned, wishing he could follow him. He glanced down at the 9 year old who was still waiting for his help. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Donna watching him.

With a sigh, he took the girl back to the catalogue interface to explain it again.

**************************

Once the pots and pans were getting their bath in the dishwasher, Nassus picked up his PDA and sat out on the small patio of his 3rd floor apartment. It looked out onto the central courtyard of the Three Rivers Apartment building. The evening air was filled with the pleasant fragrance from a nearby flowering vine. The vine covered the railing that separated his patio from his neighbor's.

Over that railing, Nassus could see his next-door neighbor was out as well. He was an elderly human who'd lived there since he retired years ago. Nassus waved to Bertram Jericho, but the dark-skinned man didn't wave back. The caniform assumed that Bertram's eyes were closed behind his prescription sunglasses. The old fellow had been repotting several of his plants earlier, and he was most likely taking a nap.

Plugging in his ear-buttons, Nassus started one of his many music collections. He chose the one filled with soft classical pieces, for the music suited his reflective mood. A few taps of his claws switched the PDA's screen over to the newest batch of mail he had downloaded and found the place he'd left off after his lunch break that afternoon.

The time dragged. Usually Nassus found reading stories submitted to him by amateur authors for editing help fun and interesting. But sometimes it became a chore when he came across a particularly stubborn writer. He had opened his web site for beginning writers in hopes of getting a chance to exchange ideas with some of the really bright new minds he'd seen floating aimlessly around the Net. It hadn't worked out quite as well as he'd hoped.

"Howdy, Nass. Didn't hear you come out." The gravelly voice that drifted over the railing was faint but friendly.

Nassus tugged out his ear-buttons and set his PDA to standby. "Hey Bert. How are you doing?"

"Pretty good, considering." Bertram slowly stood, wincing. "I spent all morning with Mrs. Pettimyer."

The genemorph grunted in sympathy. "Rearranging her furniture again?"

"Uh huh. The way that woman changes her mind you'd think her head was full of butterflies." The old Pakistani waved a casual hand in the direction of Mrs. Pettimyer's apartment. "A sweet old dear, but ugh! She can wear a soul out in no time." He took a deep whiff near the vine-covered railing. "Mmm, you can really smell the jasmine coming out." He looked up at Nassus, his dark eyes glittering beneath bushy gray eyebrows. "Don't tell me you're working on a beautiful evening like this."

"Just some light reading." He turned the PDA off. Talking to his neighbor was preferable to what he'd been reading.

"Eh, you work too much." He picked up a plastic bottle from the small table near his lounge chair and popped off the top. He drained its contents and set it back down. "How's your tiger friend? I haven't seen him around much lately."

"Oh, he's fine." Nassus was always careful when discussing Yenshi with his neighbors. He was pretty sure most of them had figured out what kind of relationship they had. While no one had openly accused him of anything or expressed disapproval of his lifestyle, it seemed best not to bring the subject up in casual conversation.

The muted chime of his telecomp could be heard coming from inside Bertram's apartment. "Oh, excuse me. That might be my son."

Nassus slipped his ear-buttons back in and resumed his music but didn't return to reading. Instead, he watched the sun slowly fall behind the far side of the apartment complex. As Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata filled his ears, he found himself thinking about his housemate.

Yenshi had been living with him for almost a year now and, in that time, he had never really tried to define their relationship. It seemed to change from week to week, as the tiger's life moved from one difficult point to the next. Sometimes they were lovers, as they had been last night. Other times Nassus felt more like a father figure when Yenshi would come to him for advice or support. They argued once in a while, like any two people will when they share their lives so closely.

There were times, though, when it felt like Yenshi wanted to be something else for Nassus. At 39, almost twice Yenshi's age, the caniform had deliberately avoided any serious attempts on the tiger's part to become really serious. He wanted what was best for the feline, and getting caught up in a long-term relationship with someone so much older just didn't seem wise, or fair. All Nassus could do was wait and hope Yenshi would find someone his own age. Then, with a bit of luck, he would have the stability in his life that had been lacking for so long.

The sky was dark and his music had long since finished playing when he finally went back inside to watch the telecomp for a bit before he went to bed. He left the entryway light on, expecting Yenshi would come home in a few hours, drunk and unhappy.

Nassus was surprised to wake to an empty apartment the following morning. He chose to look at Yenshi's absence as a good sign. Perhaps he'd found someone to take him in for the night. Maybe Azul had been at the party and they'd gotten back together. Knowing Yenshi's luck, he doubted either of those things had happened, but no one's luck stays bad forever. He finished reading the story he'd started the night before, ate a quick breakfast and headed for work.

**************************

The apartment was still empty when he got home that night. He was tired and hungry and wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch. He stripped and started a meal before he noticed the telecomp was flashing the icon for his mailbox. He picked up the remote and scanned the headers of his inbox. His ears twitched when he noticed one was from a public telecomp and tagged with Yenshi's ID number. It was voice only, and the feliform sounded excited and happy.

"Hey Nassus! I won't be around for a day or two...hey, stop it! That tickles!" He heard the tiger giggle briefly and could barely make out another voice in the background. He thought he heard the word 'weekend' mentioned. "Or maybe longer. Umm, don't worry about me, I'll-ahh! Gods, not there!" The other voice muttered again. Then Yenshi whispered, "Yes, it *is*sensitive there." He heard a rustle and Yenshi quickly finished with, "I'll call you later, OK? Bye."

The greyhound sighed and went through the rest of his mail. A quiet dinner and another night with the telecomp or his work was all he could look forward to. Feeling slightly depressed, he shrugged on the light cotton robe that hung near the door to the rear patio and stepped outside. Looking to his right, he found Bertram's patio door was closed and the large curtain that framed it drawn. He sighed again and looked out across the courtyard. Two of the families across the way were out, their kids playing on the small playground at the north end.

He felt that tug again, the one to settle down with someone and maybe raise a child. The older he got, the stronger the urge was to find a permanent mate. He'd put it off ever since Yenshi had stumbled into his life, but it was getting harder to ignore. There was even a touch of resentment because he'd had to put aside something he wanted in order to help his friend.

That wasn't fair, though. It really wasn't the tiger's fault that his love life was such a wreck. He needed help, and there was no denying that Nassus was the only one who would give it to him. He hated to think what might have happened to the feliform if he hadn't reached out to him when he had.

The micro chimed and Nassus went inside, hanging his robe back on its hook. He wound up eating in front of the telecomp and watching some boring movie with the sound turned off. Eventually, he fell asleep on the couch and dreamed of past lovers.

**************************

Fridays aren't supposed to be like this, Nassus thought sourly.

The schedule for the new catalogue system had been moved up, most of the Carnegie Library was in chaos, and Donna was on the warpath. Nassus wasn't the only one feeling the pressure, but that didn't make him feel any better. He spent most of the day getting contradictory orders from various other department heads and trying to avoid his boss. The frown that had settled on his long, narrow face was mirrored by most of the other staff.

Then came the phone call.

Nassus had decided to take a breather in the men's room, the only place he was fairly certain Donna wouldn't go. His phone buzzed just as he was drying his hands.

"Hello?"

"Hiya Nass. You busy?"

Between not having seen Yenshi all week and knowing he had to go back out and deal with Donna, he wasn't sure how to answer that simple question. He replied with a short grunt, doubting the feliform was really interested in his miserable Friday anyway.

"You wanna come to a fuse party tonight? It's at Brent's house. He's turning 28 and he wants to celebrate."

"Who's Brent?"

Yenshi chuckled. "My new mate, silly. I told him all about you and he wants to meet you. I said I'd ask, so...you in?"

It was light at the end of a very dark tunnel, and it was a chance to see the latest mel Yenshi had taken up. He didn't hesitate.

"What's the address?"

The address, it turned out, was over in Squirrel Hill. It took him a little while to find Malvern Avenue, near Schenley Park. Finding the house wasn't difficult, though. It was the only one on the street with a dozen cars parked out front.

Nassus walked up to the house feeling a bit nervous. He was no stranger to the party scene in Pittsburgh, but it had been a while since he'd immersed himself in the energetic frenzy of a 'fuse party.' Young genemorphs like Yenshi thought of Friday night's opening round of a weekend-long bender as 'lighting the fuse.' The party would continue until Sunday night, picking up people and dropping them and changing locations several times.

The house had a wide front porch where several folks had come to get a break from the noise inside. Several male genemorphs of different species were lounging and talking. They all wore various brands of walking shorts, as required by 'public decency' laws, but each had been trimmed or cut to show more fur than the designers intended. Nassus was surprised to see a human there as well. He was pressed up against a stunning looking cougar, whispering in his ear. As he came up the steps of the porch, the human met his eyes briefly. He looked away quickly. He knew when he was being sized up. While he never thought of himself as a speciesist, the idea of being intimate with a human bothered him a lot.

An intimidating looking Polar bear, a rare species among morphs, nodded to him as he approached the door. "You're Yenshi's friend?"

"Yeah, I'm Nassus." The bear held out his hand and he touched palms with him. 'Palming' was considered more polite, since clasping hands often pressed claws into sensitive flesh.

From the far end of the porch, Nassus heard the human mutter, "You should take him home before he gets hurt." The cougar next to him reacted swiftly with a light swat on his bare shoulder. "Don't be a bitch," the feliform admonished him.

Nassus looked to the bear questioningly, but the ursiform waved it off and simply said, "Ignore him. I'm Nagojut, Brent's roomie. Come on in."

The two of them stepped inside. The house had apparently been fitted with sound suppressing insulation. What had been a low buzz from outside erupted into an ear-flattening roar when the door opened. The door closed and they stepped over to a collection of clothes trees covered in walking shorts. They shed their minimal clothes and found empty pegs on which to hang them.

Looking around, Nassus started to get that old feeling he used to get during parties like this. There were so many people, so much potential for a good time. The collection of morphs before him was hard to define. Many species were present, and while most were male morphs, there were a few females present. He saw a scattering of humans, as well.

Most of the folks present were dancing to a high-octane version of the classic, 'Raise that tail.' Nassus' taste in music had moderated a bit in his middle age. He didn't care for most of the 'crush' style music younger mels listened to lately. But the tune being cranked out by expensive panel speakers hung on the walls had an infectious rhythm he liked.

The bear leaned down and pointed to a door at the other end of the large room. Even over the din of the music, the rumbling bass of his voice was powerful and easy to hear. "There's food in the kitchen, if you're hungry. Some beer and other stuff to drink, too."

Nassus nodded and replied, "Thanks, but I'm fine for now. Could I ask you something?" When the ursiform shrugged his massive shoulders, he took a quick look around for Yenshi. He couldn't find him. "How long have you known...uhh, your housemate. I can't remember his name."

"Brent," the bear supplied. "I've known him a long time, actually." The Polar bear looked around now, and with his height would have found anyone he wanted. He apparently couldn't locate the person. He gazed back down at Nassus. "Look, it's not my place to say anything. Brent's personal life is not my concern. But Kim is right."

"Kim?"

"The skin hanging around the cougar on the porch. Your tiger is looking for someone serious, and Brent's just not the type." A young antelope with numerous facial piercings bumped into the bear and apologized before wandering off. "I've dropped hints, but he's just..." The bear shrugged again.

"Oblivious," said Nassus. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, maybe you can talk to him, clue him in. He *is* gonna get hurt if he thinks Brent is the one-partner type."

"Thanks, I'll try." He sighed and hoped the evening wouldn't get too complicated.

The sun had finally gone down, and when the disc mixer switched songs it also turned off the lights. Someone had rigged a ring of black lights around the room. When they were turned on, the crowd cheered the effect. Those morphs with white fur became beacons as their pelt shone with the eye-dazzling effect. Nagojut had an almost ghostly glow that Nassus thought was beautiful.

Genemorphic eyes adapted to the low light quickly, and the new song's pounding bass line had them pairing off around the room. "Oh, damn, that's my favorite track," said Nagojut. "Excuse me." He slipped off into the crowd. Nassus watched him go and then went back to scanning the room for Yenshi. He still couldn't find him. He thought about heading into the kitchen, but the sight of the dancers changed his mind.

The song pulsed like an amplified heartbeat. Morphs were making their interests plain in the neon glow of black-lit fur. He saw one beautifully built skunk lighting up a corner of the room. The otter dancing with him was twining his thick tail around the mephit's legs.

Moments later, a small space cleared in the center of the room. To Nassus' surprise, the huge Polar bear was the morph who filled that space. The ursiform was dancing to the music like a man possessed. Instead of lumbering about the dance floor, he moved with a fluid rhythm that amazed Nassus and most everyone else watching. The longer he watched, the more aroused he became. The physical prowess the bear displayed was only matched by the raw sensuality he exuded. When he folded his arms behind his head and squatted with his thighs spread wide, Nassus groaned.

"Amazing, isn't he?"

Nassus only nodded, swept up in the sight of the red flesh peeking from the bear's swollen sheath. Then he recognized the voice. He turned, surprised.

"Thel! Damn, how are you?" He grinned, happy to see his former mate.

The tall, thin cheetah had his arm around a slightly pudgy gray squirrel who had a pair of lightning bolts shaved into his chest fur over his nipples. The exposed skin was painted white and glowed brightly in the black light. Thel wrapped his free arm around Nassus and hugged him tightly without letting go of the squirrel.

"I'm fine, you Hellhound. What have you been up to?"

Nassus tipped his head to one side dismissively. "Ah, just looking for a friend of mine."

"And you found him!" The cheetah laughed a giggly laugh and squeezed the squirrel. "Roshy, this is Nassus. Nass, this is Roshenna." The squirrel flicked his ears at him in casual greeting and Nassus nodded pleasantly to him. "So how's it going? Gods, it's been, what? Two years?" He thought a moment. "No, three! No telling how much trouble you've gotten into in that long."

"Ah, nothing much. I work at the Library now."

"No!" Thel seemed amazed. "Shit, what happened? You finally get old? That doesn't sound like the Nassus I remember."

The greyhound grinned wickedly and poked him in the chest. "Happens to the best of us. As I recall, you're a few months older than-"

"Ah, monkeyshit!" Thel interrupted. "You're only as old as the mate you're feeling up." He emphasized his viewpoint with a grab at the squirrel's crotch. An enormous cheer went up. The three of them were confused until they noticed a rather plain looking coyote had joined the Polar bear dancing in the center of the room.

The two of them were obviously well acquainted, as they were getting quite flagrant with their dance. Their hands were all over each other. When the 'yote's hands slipped under the bear's tail, the crowd shouted its approval. Flashes of red and pink could be seen between them as the dancer's arousal grew. Then the Polar gripped the coyote under the arms and lifted him effortlessly. The 'yote wrapped his legs around the bear's girth and threw his head back with an excited yip.

"Who's that with the bear?" Nassus asked, curious who was lucky enough to know the Polar bear so intimately.

Thel gave him an odd look, then smirked. "That's Brent. This is his place and his party. How'd you get in here if you don't know him?"

"Oh," he said, slightly embarrassed. "Uh, I'm a friend of his new mate."

"That tiger kit?" blurted the squirrel.

"He's not a kit," Nassus reflexively responded, unsure if he was defending Yenshi or himself.

"Of course not," Thel soothed. He glanced over at the dancers. The bear was rubbing the coyote up and down his chest and stomach as though they were openly mating. It was early in the party for open-air sex, so the yelping and growling was for show. "You know, if you'd like to ride the bear later I can hook you up. He's very friendly. Nagojut means 'friendly' in Inuit, I'm told."

"Inny-what?" puzzled the squirrel.

"Inuit." Roshenna was still confused. "Eskimo," the cheetah sighed.

"Oh. Why didn't you say so?"

Thel shook his head. "He's dense but adorable," he said to Nassus.

Roshenna took exception and muttered, "Cunt."

"Only for you, dear," the cheetah answered, kissing him between the ears.

An orange-furred head appeared behind the squirrel's, and Yenshi smiled at the three of them as he slid into their midst. "Nass!" he enthused. "You made it!"

"Hi Yenshi." Nassus smiled as the young tiger moved closer. He was happy to see him, but wasn't really prepared when his part time roommate gave him a long, passionate kiss. Roshenna chirred as the kiss went on. When they broke, Nassus smiled uncertainly and said, "I'm glad to see you, too." The tiger had never been much for big displays of affection in public. He wrapped an arm around the greyhound's waist, forming a mirror image of the cheetah and squirrel.

Yenshi giggled, which was also uncharacteristic of him. Nassus wondered if perhaps this was a sign that the feliform had finally found someone who could truly make him happy. It was a pleasant thought, that perhaps now the guy would be able to form a stable relationship and turn his life around. It also occurred to him that it might simply mean the tiger had drunk too much beer.

"Umm, you remember me telling you about Thel, the cheetah?" Nassus nodded at the slim feliform.

"Oh, yeah." Yenshi grinned widely at the spotted morph.

"Well, now you get to meet him and his new mate, Roshenna."

Casual ear-flick greetings were exchanged before Yenshi pointed to the dance floor. "Did you see Brent and Nagojut dancing? Weren't they hot?"

"Yeah," interjected Roshenna, "and they're getting even hotter."

The four of them looked at the dancing couple. They had stopped dancing, actually, and were doing something entirely different. Nagojut was showing off his muscles again by squatting with his thighs spread. This time, though, Brent the coyote was standing on his dance partner's thighs. With the bear supporting and balancing both their weight, one would have thought he would begin to show the strain. There was not a twitch or quiver to suggest that he wasn't firmly in control.

Brent gripped Nagojut's shoulders and also squatted, his feet firmly planted on the Polar bear's thighs. The coyote curled his tail between his own legs and wagged it over the bear's crotch. The ursiform's erection grew and his tail slowly bobbed. Moving carefully, Brent leaned forward and opened his mouth. Nagojut did likewise, and another cheer went up as they locked muzzles. It was a deep, passionate kiss and the scent of arousal from the crowd became evident as the display went on.

Nagojut continued to support their weight on the balls of his wide feet while they kissed. Brent's tail curled further up between his partner's legs until the tip was practically lifting the bear's stumpy tail from underneath. Their display climaxed when Brent suddenly jumped and Nagojut stood. The coyote's head brushed the ceiling tiles. Before anyone could react, Nagojut caught him around the waist, the 'yote's crotch right in his face. Brent wrapped his legs around Nagojut's chest and supported his weight on the bear's massive shoulders. All pretense of their display being a dance were abandoned as the Polar bear latched his muzzle onto the exposed head of his partner's cock.

Nassus, Yenshi, Thel and Roshenna all joined the howls and applause. Brent looked around at the crowd in his living room and grinned. He leaned down and kissed the top of Nagojut's white furred head, then nipped his ear. The bear let him go, and the 'yote dropped lightly to the floor. The two hugged as the applause continued, their exposed members slowly subsiding.

"Damned impressive," Thel judged. Nassus had to agree. He briefly considered Yenshi. The tiger seemed unconcerned about what he'd seen, especially when he commented, "They love to dance like that. They've known each other forever."

The disc mixer switched songs again and Roshenna said, "I'm starving. I didn't get anything for lunch." Thel hugged the squirrel and headed off with him. The cheetah glanced at Nassus and said, "Come with? Brent's always got good noshes." Yenshi slipped away from Nassus with a comment about 'wanting to talk to Brent.'

The three of them slid through the crowd to the kitchen where several large store-bought platters of meat and vegetables were laid out on the table. They picked up plastic plates and helped themselves to the food, stepping around other morphs who were doing the same. Each picked up a bottle of Red Eagle beer and moved to one end of the large kitchen to eat and talk.

The conversation was mostly catch up, since Nassus and Thel hadn't seen each other in so long. Thel's mate kept glancing at Nassus, until the greyhound's curiosity finally prompted him to ask, "What?"

"I was wondering, how long have you been with that tiger of yours?"

Nassus shrugged. "About a year, on and off. He isn't really my mate, he's my house mate." He gnawed on a bit of curried beef and licked the pads of his fingers. "Why?"

Roshenna swallowed his mouthful of celery and casually said, "Oh, I've seen him around a few times lately. It seemed like he was always hanging onto a new mel each time I ran across him. Just wondered if you knew he played the field so aggressively."

Thel leaned close to his mate's ear and nipped it lightly. "You're being rude, love."

The squirrel flicked the offended ear and said, "I was just curious. No harm in that."

"He's still searching for the right mate, that's all. He's had a hard time these last few years," Nassus offered.

"How long are you staying with the party?" Thel asked, trying to change the subject.

"I don't really know." Nassus thought about it a moment. "Until I'm ready to leave, I guess." He smiled.

"Found anyone you wanna roll with?" Thel's eyes glittered, and Nassus began to wonder how open his relationship with Roshenna was.

The greyhound dropped his ears a bit. "Not really. A crowd of strangers, lots of younger mels. Tends to make a morph feel a bit...nostalgic, you know?"

The cheetah tipped his Red Eagle and swallowed. "Oh, I know." For the first time since they'd all met up, Thel loosened his grip on the squirrel. Roshenna didn't seem upset. In fact, he looked bemused, as though he had expected something like this all along.

It was late by then, and Nassus would have ordinarily been headed for bed. He felt wonderfully energized, though. Several pairs and groups of people had headed for empty rooms or darkened corners to find more intimate entertainment. The longer he talked to his old lover, the more he remembered how much fun they'd had together, and the more aroused he got.

At one point, Brent the coyote came into the kitchen behind a distinguished looking badger. While the badger picked up a few vegetables and put them on a plate, Brent teased him with light tugs on his stubby tail and small licks around the base of his ears. When the 'yote reached around and folded his hands around the badger's waist, his hands laced directly over his sheath, the object of his attention said, "Mmm, such an eager fellow. What's a guest to do?"

Brent chuckled and whispered into the small, rounded ear.

"Oh, now that sounds just *delicious*," the badger responded. He set his plate down and turned. The two met muzzles and shamelessly made their intentions plain while the three of them watched. It didn't take long before they wandered back out, looking for a more comfortable place to continue.

Alone in the kitchen, Thel leaned down and whispered in his mate's ear. The squirrel nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I figured as much." He looked at Nassus a moment, then back to Thel. "Just do me a favor and don't wear yourselves out. You promised me we'd have some fun of our own while we were here."

"No worries, love," Thel answered. "I can take him, you, and anyone else who comes along tonight."

Roshenna twitched his ears at his mate and jokingly said, "Cocky sumbitch."

Thel grinned widely and replied, "Damn right I am."

The squirrel gave the cheetah a quick kiss before he headed into the living room. They heard him muttering, "I wonder where that cute otter has gotten off to."

Nassus set down his plate, took a long, slow swig of his beer and gazed thoughtfully at Thel. "You know, there are times I truly regret giving you up."

The feliform sighed. "Same here. I think about you sometimes, and how much fun we had together. I even wonder sometimes what would have happened between us if we'd stayed together, you know?"

"I know. I've been trying to get Yenshi settled for so long now, I don't know if I remember what it's like to have someone all to myself." The greyhound moved over a bit until he was rubbing shoulders with his old mate. He looked into those gorgeous eyes, deep orange flecked with gold.

He wanted to say something, but felt like he would be endangering so much by just uttering the words. He didn't know how tight Thel and Roshy were, and he didn't think it would help Yenshi if he were to take up with someone else. Still, he felt a strong urge to speak up. He took another pull on his beer and said, "I can't even remember why we split."

Thel just looked at him. It was plain he knew what Nassus was really saying. To his credit, he didn't get upset. The cheetah simply put his arm around him and pulled him close. He pushed his nose into his ear and licked deep into its cup. "We needed different things then. Like we do now."

Deflated, Nassus quietly said, "Oh." He took a deep breath, trying to push back the feelings that had gotten him to open his mouth.

"Honey," Thel continued gently. "I truly loved you, and I still do. You're a beautiful person. But I'm deeply in love with Roshenna. There's something in him that just turns me to mush inside. I can't let go of him, no matter how many parties we go to. I always go back home with him, and only him." The cheetah hugged his shoulders and licked his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Nassus shook his head, understanding what Thel was telling him. "Don't be." He smiled, and it was with genuine warmth. "I'm glad you've got someone that means so much to you."

"But," Thel said quietly, "we do have an open relationship. We enjoy making love with our friends." He tipped his head and nipped at the side of Nassus' neck. "And when I saw you across the room tonight, I told him I would probably want to make love to you again."

Nassus looked at him, suddenly filled with need. The stress of work, and uncertainty of his relationship with Yenshi; it had left him filled with a longing he hadn't recognized until tonight. Now, standing next to the person he wanted most and couldn't have, he felt empty and somewhat desperate. He turned and put his arms around Thel, and the cheetah embraced him.

"Come on. I know Brent's house pretty well, and I know a good spot." The cheetah took the greyhound by the hand and led him through the house, past the dancers who were still enthralled by the powerful music thumping through the room. They paused by a small table with an assortment of colored bowls. He picked up a few feline and canine condoms from the bowls. Then he took him down a hallway and through a door that opened into a laundry room. Closing the door, he turned to Nassus and smiled. "My favorite place for a quiet rendezvous. If you don't mind the smell of detergent, that is."

"Doesn't bother me," Nassus said. "This will be a first for me, though."

"Oh?" Thel grinned slyly and stood nose to nose with his old mate. "Beds and sofas are nice and convenient, but once in a while-" He reached behind Nassus and twisted a control on the dryer. "-I like to experiment." He pressed a button and the dryer began rumbling. He gently pushed the greyhound backwards until the top edge of the dryer was pressed against his thin tail. Thel reached around and pulled the tail up and over until it was draped across the dryer's lid and the warm metal of the appliance was softly vibrating the root of his tail.

"Ooh," Nassus moaned happily. He closed his eyes as the cat leaned against him, pinning him. The spike of hot flesh that had been peeking shyly for some time became emboldened and surged out of hiding. With the dryer working its magic of both of them, they rubbed their erections against each other. He kissed Thel, sending his tongue into the feliform's mouth as if to scout out the territory.

Nassus felt himself becoming soaked in rhythm. The dryer was relentlessly quivering under the root of his tail. The music from the other room was thumping softly through the closed door. The excited pulse of his heart was setting his cock to dancing against Thel's slim rod. It was like all the strings that pulled him from one day to the next were being strummed. His panting fell into the rhythm with the music and he groaned, "Uhh, God, Thel." His knees started to shake, and he missed seeing the cheetah's satisfied grin when he laid his head on the feliform's shoulder.

"Hold still," Thel whispered. He quickly opened one of each type of condom and skillfully applied them to their mutual erections. "Turn around, baby."

Nassus had to brace himself against the dryer for a moment to be sure he didn't collapse. Thel helped turn him around so he was leaning across the top of the appliance. He reached through the greyhound's legs and arranged his cock to lay flat against the side of the dryer and point toward the floor. He didn't have to lift the caniform's tail; it was hiked as far up as it would go. He smiled again and took hold of it at the base.

"Relax, sweetheart," Thel said as he draped his body over Nassus'. He let go of the tail in his hand and lined himself up to enter his old lover. When the tip of his cock touched the band of pink flesh under Nassus' tail, the greyhound twitched. Thel held still and whispered again to him. "Concentrate, love. Let yourself go. Deep breath, that's good, now let it go. Another. Good." He paused. "Ready?"

"Yes." The dryer's rumbling was starting to affect his genitals the same way it had his tail. He felt his knot starting to form. "Very."

The marvelous rhythms that had carried him so far vanished as he felt Thel's slim cock slowly press into him. He grunted in vague discomfort. They knew what worked best between themselves, and Thel obviously hadn't forgotten any more than Nassus had. Thel didn't stop until he was as far into him as he could safely go. He gritted his teeth briefly at the sensation that overwhelmed all else. The pressure eased as Thel slowly retreated.

Thel was the most patient lover he'd ever known. For a man who's species was always known for speed, he could easily spend a whole afternoon making love. The gentle yet persistent movements he felt within him could last as long as Thel wanted. And he was taking his time now. But with the dryer vibrating his hard on, Nassus was beginning to feel an orgasm building.

"Thel, uhh, this thing is, rrrr, driving me crazy."

The cheetah answered with another long stroke into him and a warm chuckle. "I know. Marvelous, isn't it?"

Nassus couldn't say anything more. He was trying to hold off cumming just yet. His knot was as big as it could get, and he felt like he could drill through steel with his cock. He gripped the sides of the dryer, his claws scratching the paint. He couldn't concentrate on holding himself open for Thel, either. He heard the feliform purr as his rear passage tightened up against his will.

His orgasm took him by surprise. He pumped his hips against the dryer as his cum filled the condom. He sucked in a breath and strangled the howl that wanted to fly from his lips. Thel continued to work him from behind, adding to the power of it all. It was only moments after he felt he could breathe easier that his old lover pressed hard against him and grunted in feral release.

Finally, Nassus could take no more. He reached over and shut off the machine, panting in happy exhaustion. Thel wrapped his arms around his waist and laid his chin on the back of his neck. His hands idly stroked the fur of Nassus' belly.

"Wasn't that fun?" Thel asked with a light chuckle.

The greyhound nodded and smiled. "Oh, yes. As much fun as I've had in a long time." He felt a yawn coming and did his best to stifle it.

"Hmm, either you're fibbing or it's past your bedtime."

Nassus turned his head to look at his old lover. "I'm sorry. It's been a long day. Work was a bitch."

"Oh, I understand." The cheetah nibbled at his nearest ear. "Will you be staying with the party?"

"Mmph. I haven't decided." He thought a moment. "Will you?"

Thel eased his hips downward until he slid out of Nassus. "Yeah, until tomorrow at least. Roshy saw a few friends he wanted to play with. And we're going to celebrate our anniversary tomorrow, too."

They stood face-to-face for a while, studying the familiar patterns of each other's face. Nassus leaned forward to lick the tip of Thel's pink nosepad. "Lucky squirrel."

"Lucky cheetah," Thel countered with a grin.

They nuzzled a bit longer before they cleaned up and rejoined the party. There were far fewer dancers now, and most of those who were still on the floor were busy seducing their partners. The music had been toned down to the point where conversation was possible.

Roshenna came up to them as they headed to the kitchen again. "If you're looking for your tiger kit, he bailed. Got into a fight with Brent and stormed out."

"Roshy, dear, could I have a word with you?" Thel let go of Nassus' hand. He paused to give him a warm kiss and say, "I really enjoyed our time tonight. I hope it won't be another three years before I see you again."

Nassus only nodded, thinking about Yenshi and the state the tiger must be in. Thel moved away with the squirrel. Nassus could here them arguing in the kitchen shortly after that.

With a heavy sigh, he collected his walking shorts and headed out to his car. He guessed it was about three in the morning, and he was far more tired than he realized. He drove home, wondering if Yenshi would be there.

**************************

Nassus woke the next morning around 10:00. There was still no sign of Yenshi. He might have been worried had this kind of thing not happened before. He didn't know where the tiger went when he wanted privacy, but he knew better than to go looking for him.

He was worried, though, about how often his housemate had been hiding lately. It seemed the harder he tried to find someone the worse the results were. Nassus was all too familiar with the devastation of heartbreak, and he knew the best way to recover was to give the wounds time to heal. Yenshi refused to wait, though. The feliform seemed to getting desperate, as though his time were running out to meet someone who would love him.

Thoughts of his feline housemate occupied him most of the day as he did minor chores around the house. By four o'clock that afternoon he decided he would try his best to talk to Yenshi about his problems. Perhaps they could find a solution together.

The telecomp signaled an incoming call at half past 4:00. Nassus sat down at the screen and answered. He was pleasantly surprised to see it was Drederick Chalker, an author he occasionally helped with editing. Drederick, who also happened to live in Pittsburgh, was a solidly built black human with a gentle voice and a quick smile.

"Nass!" he said with a grin. "Whaddaya scan, mongrel man?"

Nassus laughed. Drederick was notorious for his teasing insults. He was also known for taking every bit of what he dished out. "Nothing you could parse, you throwback."

The face on the screen laughed good-naturedly. "Don't doubt it. How've you been? Haven't seen you online for a few weeks."

Nassus leaned back into the couch, settling in comfortably. "Work's been getting tangled. We're in the middle of an upgrade of some of our equipment."

Drederick made a face. "Ugh. Allah spare us." He shook his head, the crown of his shaved cranium briefly showing the scar that ran across the skin there. It was a reminder of his rough childhood, most of which he had spent running with one of the local gangs. "I feel for you, Nas. I'm sure you remember the fiasco the water department went through last year when we did that."

"I seem to remember getting a bill for nine hundred dollars for a month's service."

The grin returned to the face on the screen. "Ah, you *do* remember. Well, think of happier memories. Do you remember that Korean restaurant we went to last year? The one on Pride Street, across from Mercy Hospital?"

"Certainly."

"Well, Maxi's wanting to go again, and she's talked me into bringing her sister. So she said I should bring someone, too. You know, so I'd have someone to talk to while they discuss politics."

Nassus gave a sly grin. "So I'm your entertainment, eh?"

Drederick's eyes widened in exaggerated dismay. "Nothing so mundane or trivial! You shall undoubtedly keep me from sticking my foot in my mouth while those two are dissecting the American political system." He winked broadly. "You know how I like to talk of things about which I know nothing."

Nassus laughed. "Lord, she didn't really say that, did she?"

Drederick nodded. "It's a direct quote."

"When is this major social event planned?"

The black man's smile turned sheepish. "Uhh, it's tonight, at seven. I know it's short notice, but I thought if you weren't doing anything else..."

Nassus thought about it. "Well, I haven't planned anything, but-"

At that moment, as though it were all staged, Yenshi walked through the door. He didn't say anything to Nassus, nor even look in his direction. He simply walked through the living room to his bedroom and closed the door.

Nassus sighed. "Drederick, I would truly love to go with you, but the truth is I think I need to stay here tonight." He leaned closer to the camera pickup on the telecomp and whispered into the mike. "Yenshi's been having a really rough time lately, and I think he's going to need some...emotional support. I'd really hate to leave him alone tonight."

Drederick's expression turned serious. "Anything I can do?"

Nassus shook his head. "I wish there was."

The human gave a wistful smile. "Ah, well. Perhaps a rain check, then. I would like to see you again. I've got an idea for a story I'd like to run by you."

"Sure."

They disconnected, and Nassus took a moment to organize his thoughts. He could usually count on one of his favorite meals to hold Yenshi's attention. Perhaps they could download a movie and watch over dinner. He took a deep breath and knocked on the tiger's door. He heard a muffled, "S'open."

Nassus hadn't been sure what kind of mood Yenshi would be in, but he didn't expect to find him rummaging through his clothes for a clean pair of walking shorts. He hesitated when the tiger gave him only a brief glance before returning to his search.

"Umm, I was wondering how you were doing."

"I'm fine," was the grunted reply.

"Ah. Good." Something didn't scent right. He watched Yenshi pick up, sniff and drop several of his favorite walking shorts. "Umm, look, I was thinking of making a call to Mao Ling's for some take out, maybe pulling down a movie for the night. You interested?"

Yenshi froze for a second, and Nassus wondered what he had said that had caught him so off guard. The tiger shook his head and tried to keep his ears up. "Uhh, I'm going out tonight."

Nassus blinked. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. "Where?"

Yenshi's ears quivered now. "I dunno. Grinder, maybe. Wherever."

"The Grinder?" It came out sharper than he intended. "You're going out clubbing?"

The feliform threw down the shorts he'd been holding. "Yeah, so?" he challenged.

Now Nassus was having trouble keeping his own ears from folding. "Nothing." He had to remind himself sometimes that, while he wanted what was best for Yenshi, the tiger was an adult and could make his own decisions. "I just thought that maybe we could spend a little time together tonight, you know?"

Yenshi stared at him, his expression so mixed he couldn't figure out what he might be thinking. More confusing, his scent was tainted ever so slightly with fear. His orange and black tail was lashing slowly behind him. His nostrils flared slightly and his ears kept flicking up and down. He turned away, grabbed the nearest pair of shorts and stepped into them. "I have to go."

"Wait, Yenshi!"

But the tiger brushed past him without stopping. He saw his opportunity to help him slipping away as he headed for the door.

"Yenshi, don't go. We need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Bullshit!" Nassus' anger surprised both of them. With his hand on the door, Yenshi stared at him. He seized what might be the last chance he had to turn this around. "Don't run away from me. It won't help."

His words reached the tiger, but they didn't have the effect he hoped for. The bristly whiskers quivered, and the ears went completely flat. The fur on his shoulders fluffed a bit, and he almost looked like he wanted to cry. Then he jerked open the door, shouting, "Don't tell me what to do! You're not my father!" The words sounded like anger, but his voice was cracking with pain. The door slammed behind him, and he was gone.

"Damn it!" For an instant he wanted to throw something, break something. He stood, growling with frustration, flexing his claws. Stupid kit, he thought heatedly. Try and help him and he throws it in my face.

It took a while to calm down. There was only so much he could do for the young tiger, he told himself. He had to make his mistakes and learn from them. If he felt he needed to go hunting for a partner, then Nassus would let him. He'd learn eventually.

The remark about not being his father had been unfair, though. The last thing he ever wanted to do was try to replace his real parents. Especially after the way Yenshi's real father had treated him.

Once the fur on his arms and neck had lain back down, Nassus tried to call Drederick back and tell him he was free for the night after all. Unfortunately he couldn't reach him, and he wound up spending the night alone and mad.

**************************

Sunday morning was quiet. Except for a quick walk to the 365 Market for some fresh blueberry bagels, Nassus didn't venture outside. He sat by the front window and downloaded the Sunday Edition of the Tribune-Review to his PDA. He read the news while listening to the traffic on Centre Avenue. The news couldn't really hold his interest, though. The only story that caught his attention was a short article about the latest manned mission to Mars. Paolo Briatt, one of the few genemorph astronauts in the space program, was a ferret from Spain. He would be the first morph to go to the red planet.

He happened to look down into the parking lot as an expensive sports car pulled up next to his parking space. The sleek black Porsche Giotto looked truly predatory sitting next to his little electric Minkota Bria. His curiosity was piqued. He doubted any of the other residents of Three Rivers Apartments could afford such a car. Visitors were usually of the same income bracket as residents, though not always. He watched the car, which just sat there after it parked. The darkened windows and the angle of the car kept him from seeing the driver or any passengers.

Eventually the passenger door opened and he grunted in surprise when Yenshi stepped out. The young tiger walked around the nose of the Giotto and towards the main doors of the apartment complex. His eyes were locked on the car, though. He stopped when the driver's window rolled down, revealing the face of a rugged looking black panther. Yenshi returned to the car and leaned into the open window. The two of them kissed, a long and passionate kiss that left Yenshi's tail slightly bottled. When they pulled apart, the panther handed Yenshi his walking shorts. Nassus hadn't realized the tiger wasn't wearing them until then.

Yenshi took his shorts and watched as the panther's car left the parking lot. Then slowly, as if in a waking dream, he wandered toward the entrance.

Nassus wasn't sure how he should feel about what had happened the night before. He was still a little angry, but he kept remembering the pain in Yenshi's voice as he fled the apartment. As the door chimed its acceptance of Yenshi's retinal pattern and the deadbolt thumped open, he decided to play it by ear.

The tiger stepped in and hung his shorts on the clothes tree as though nothing were wrong with his world. He closed the door, which relocked since Nassus hadn't yet told it to remain unlocked for the day, and headed for his room. He passed by the greyhound, tossing off a friendly, "Morning, Nass."

Trying his best to sound friendly but unconcerned, Nassus asked, "Hey, how's it going?"

"Great," was the enthusiastic reply. Yenshi ducked into his room long enough to collect his shampoo and grooming kit. He stepped into the bathroom and started a shower.

Nassus was patient. He waited while his roommate finished his grooming and came back out to raid the refrigerator. The tiger nabbed two fastheat meals and pulled the tab on the one labeled 'chicken and dumplings.' While the small chemical pack under the paper tray heated the food, he opened a bottle of Red Eagle.

Nassus eyed the steam beginning to sneak out from the lid of the fastheat pack. "When did you eat last?" he asked quietly.

Yenshi shrugged. "Yesterday, I guess." He took a sip of his beer and touched the pads of two fingers to the top of the fastheat. The heat packs made the food too hot for his taste if he let them run their full course. When he was happy with the temperature of his food, he pulled the heat pack off the bottom and dumped it into the sink. A quick squirt of water killed the chemical reaction.

Nassus watched his housemate shovel several forkfuls of chicken and dumplings into his mouth before he ventured to ask him what he wanted to know. "So, who's the panther with the expensive car?"

"That's Warric," Yenshi said between mouthfuls. "Met him at Jungle 621."

Nassus thought a moment, trying to remember where he'd heard of that particular club. "Is that the one on 19th street? The one that used to be called Club Millennium?" Yenshi answered with a nod, his mouth being quite full at the moment. "Huh. Expensive place, I've heard. Is it nice?"

Yenshi swallowed and said, "Nah. It's more low-rez than people think. The inside is all worn and you can see cables everywhere. New owners are trying to save money." He stabbed the last dumpling and pulled the tab on the second pack.

Nassus was encouraged by the tiger's mood and decided to press for a few more details while he could. "What about...Warric, you said? What's he like?"

Yenshi was licking the pale goop from the first meal pack off his fingers and watching for steam from the one marked 'roast beef.' "He's ping. Kinda strange. Wants to take me out today to meet some of his friends."

"Meet his friends?" Something about that didn't sound right. "What for?"

Yenshi shrugged again. "Party, I guess. Said we would all have a blitz time." He ripped the chemical pack off the second fastheat and watered it in the sink.

Nassus was troubled. Why would someone with enough money to buy a Porsche want to hang around someone outside his pack? He could think of several reasons, but they weren't all good. He watched his young friend work his way through his roast beef and wondered if he should say something. He knew what kind of reaction his concern would get. Still, maybe just a quiet word of warning wouldn't rankle the tiger too much.

A strangely melodic note sounded outside, and Nassus realized he now knew what a Giotto's horn sounded like. Yenshi muttered, "That's him," and abandoned the few remaining bites of his meal. He slipped on the shorts he'd brought in with him and headed for the door at a trot.

"Yenshi." Nassus spoke before he realized he didn't know what he wanted to say. The tiger stopped by the door and gave him a look. It was a look that both anticipated and dreaded. His housemate knew what he wanted to say, even if he didn't. And it was obvious he didn't want to hear it.

The greyhound fumbled for the words, trying to sort out priorities. Finally, he gave in and gave his housemate what he wanted. He managed a smile. "Have fun."

They both knew what he'd wanted to say: be careful. They were both relieved he hadn't. But Nassus still worried as Yenshi closed the door behind him.

**************************

Nassus hadn't really wanted to stay home all day, but he couldn't think of anything he really wanted to do. Especially when he knew he would be alone. There were a few movies playing at the plexes that might have interested Yenshi, but not him. A local acting troupe was putting on a production of Shakespeare's 'All's well that ends well' in Schenley Park. He had already seen them doing the same play two months ago, so had little interest in it. The Carnegie museum was hosting a collection by Matisse that had sounded interesting to him earlier in the week. Now, though, he couldn't summon up the energy to get fully dressed so he could go see it.

In the end, he put on his robe and sat out on his patio with a few submitted stories to proofread. It wasn't what he'd hoped for, working on a day off. It just seemed to be the way his luck ran lately.

He tried to concentrate on a story submitted by one of his most promising young authors. In the back of his mind, though, he worried about Yenshi and his new friend. He couldn't help but feel slightly relieved to hear Bertram come out onto his patio next door. The elderly Pakistani gave a friendly wave and said, "Hello."

"Hi. How's your day going, Bert?"

Bertram ran a hand through his thin gray hair and gave a wistful smile. "Hard to say. Good and bad, I guess."

"Oh?"

His neighbor sank wearily into a patio chair and sighed. "Ah, my arthritis was bothering me this morning. It was all I could do to get out of bed."

Nassus grunted in sympathy. "Sorry to hear that."

Bertram patted the pocket of his shirt and the greyhound could hear a bottle of pills rattle. "Ah, two of these will fix things for a while. It was just rough going for a bit, is all. But then my son called and said he will be coming for a visit next month. That made up for a bad morning."

Nassus smiled. "That's great. How long has it been since you've seen him?"

"Five years. Five...long years." Bertram went silent, studying the pattern of wrinkles on the back of his hand.

Nassus watched as the old man seemed to get lost in thought. "That's a long time. Why so long?"

Bertram shrugged, but it wasn't a shrug of ignorance. It was a simple motion that expressed the hopelessness he felt for the distance between him and his son. "His wife," he said softly. "She doesn't approve of me or the way I raised him. She...she tries to keep him away from me."

"That's not right," Nassus protested mildly.

The human gave that shrug again. It was all beyond his control, it seemed. "They love each other, they really do. But she has no love for me, so I try not to spoil it for them. I leave them alone."

Nassus' heart went out to the old man. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Bertram nodded, then looked up from his hands. "Thank you, but don't forget, he's coming to visit next month. Things aren't all bad." He smiled, and Nassus had to admire his attitude. It made him think, and he realized he had a question.

"Bert, was it hard to raise your son? I mean, did he listen to your advice? Did he know you were trying to help him when you didn't agree with him?"

His neighbor gave him a strange look for a moment. Then he smiled and said, "Oh, he knew, eventually. He figured it out about the time he turned 25, I'd say." He nodded to himself, his gaze becoming distant. "Until then, of course, he was convinced I was trying to ruin his life with all my rules. Little brat even called me a 'dictator' once." He turned his eyes to Nassus again. "Why do you ask?"

Nassus sighed. "Oh, it's just, well-" He hesitated to bring up matters of his housemate's personal life, but he didn't know who else to talk to. "My friend's having a hard time right now. I've tried to nudge him in what I thought was the right direction. It seems like the more I nudge, though, the more he's determined to do the opposite."

Bert's expression turned thoughtful. "Let me guess. That black cat in the expensive car."

The genemorph blinked. "Uh, yeah." He supposed it was foolish to think no one else had noticed the Porsche in the parking lot. "Yeah, him and the dozen guys before him." He froze, realizing he'd unthinkingly referred to Yenshi's homosexuality. He glanced at his neighbor, wondering if he'd taken offense.

The old Pakistani studied him a moment. He sighed and nodded. "My son went through something like that. For about two months, when he was a teenager, he brought home a new girl every few days. It was like he was looking for something, but didn't know what. He just kept looking. Then he stopped." He shrugged. "That was just before he went into the Marines. When he got out, he found a woman and married her. Still is."

Nassus nodded in appreciation of Bert's son's solution, but said, "I don't think Yenshi would be interested in joining the armed forces to solve his problems."

Bertram waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, I'm not saying he should. I just mean that most folks who get all-" He moved his hands in a small gesture, as though his fingers were bound with thread. "- tangled up about love will usually solve it themselves." He leaned forward a bit, his expression suddenly serious. "Sometimes they need some help, even if they don't think they do."

Nassus seized on the human's words. "I want to help Yenshi, but he doesn't seem to want it. He seems intent on scouring Pittsburgh for someone who will love him."

Bertram was quiet for a long moment. He was looking at Nassus as though he expected him to continue speaking. When the greyhound said nothing more, he offered, "Sometimes people who are looking for love are blinded by the search. They don't see what they are looking for, even when it's right there next to them."

Nassus supposed that was true, but the way the old man was looking at him made him wonder exactly to whom he was referring. He was even more confused when he leaned back and folded his hands over his stomach and sadly sighed, "Blinded."

**************************

Late that afternoon, Nassus was writing up a critique of the story he'd read that morning. He'd moved back inside to have lunch and sit by the window overlooking Centre Avenue. The telecomp announced an incoming call and he answered it, noticing Yenshi's ID number was tagged to it. The signal was audio only.

"Hi Yenshi."

"Uhh, hi Nassus." He could hear lots of background chatter, indicating a public place. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

The tiger hesitated. "Could you give me a ride home?"

Nassus sighed, not liking the implications of that. He opened his mouth to ask what happened to the panther in the Porsche, but realized it was fairly obvious what had happened. He rubbed the bridge of his muzzle, wondering how bad it would be this time. He glanced at the information header at the top of the screen. The origin of the incoming call was listed as Station Square mall, over on Pittsburgh's South Shore.

"Yeah. Give me twenty minutes. Where will you be?"

"Uhh, I guess...I guess by the entrance near the Head 2 Tail."

"O.K. Hang tight, I'll be there shortly."

"Thanks," Yenshi said quietly before disconnecting.

Nassus shut down his side of the connection before muttering to himself, "When are you going to learn?" He turned off his PDA, stepped into a clean pair of walking shorts and drove to the mall in just under 25 minutes. His housemate was standing in front of the upscale Head 2 Tail clothes shop for genemorphs, trying to look casual. The holographic morphs who strolled by the shop's display window, showing off their high price, brand name outer wear seemed to be staring at the young tiger. He didn't doubt the store had installed motion detectors to help direct the holo-model's eyes at potential customers. Yenshi had probably been stared at by holographic morphs the whole time he was standing there.

The feliform seemed grateful to leave the company of the high tech mannequins, but he seemed slightly reluctant to get into Nassus' car. Once he was in, Nassus started pulling away. He had only driven a few yards, though, when he stopped the car. He looked at Yenshi, who wouldn't meet his eyes. Then he pulled into an open parking space. Yenshi groaned.

They sat there in uncomfortable silence for some moments, Nassus breathing deeply and Yenshi keeping his eyes focused out his window. Finally, the greyhound asked, "What happened?"

"Nothing," was the quiet answer.

"Yenshi, I can smell five different people on you. You've never been into the group sex thing."

The tiger's jaw clenched. His ears flicked back a few times before he got them back under control.

Alarm crept into Nassus' voice as he touched Yenshi's arm. "Shit, Yenshi, did they rape you?"

Yenshi closed his eyes and let his ears fold tight.

"Damn it," Nassus growled. "I'm calling the police." He pulled his phone out of the center console, since the Bria's built in phone didn't work. He was surprised when Yenshi pushed his hand down over the phone.

"No," he said miserably. "You can't do that."

"What?"

The tiger's breathing faltered. He swallowed and said softly, "It wasn't r-" His hand squeezed Nassus'. "They didn't r-rape me."

Nassus blinked, not understanding for a moment. Then he got angry. "If they threatened you..."

"No." Yenshi's voice was trembling now. "I- I agreed to it. Every time."

"Yenshi..." Nassus didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You can't let him do this to you."

"He has it on disk." Yenshi's eyes opened, but he kept his gaze on the floorboards. "He recorded the whole thing. I said yes every time."

Nassus felt his own ears lowering, and didn't bother to keep them up. Now he wasn't sure how he felt. He wasn't sure what he *should* have felt. When the logjam of feelings finally broke loose, all he could do was ask, "How could you?"

The tiger withdrew his hand and turned to the window. "Can we just go home, please?"

The drive home was silent. Nassus opened the windows to flush out the scents clinging to the feliform. He didn't want to share his car with the five people who had talked Yenshi into letting them use him.

Once they parked in Nassus' spot at the Three Rivers apartment complex, Yenshi all but ran up to their apartment. Nassus stepped into their home to hear the shower running. He sat down at the kitchen table and tried to figure out what to do. Things couldn't keep going like they were. That much he knew for certain. He didn't think either one of them could take it.

**************************

It was well after dark before Nassus got home the following Thursday. He parked his car and shut off its systems. He sat there a while, trying to summon the energy to get out and go up to the apartment.

The greyhound was very tired. The library's catalogue upgrade had hit several snags, and he'd been required to work overtime every day that week. Apparently the tech people, who'd assured everyone the new catalogue system would integrate seamlessly with the old one, had not looked closely at the disorganized mess that made up the Carnegie Library's filing system.

The timing couldn't have been worse. Nassus had wanted to spend some extra time with Yenshi that week, to try and help cheer up the young tiger. Instead, he'd been forced to stay extra hours at work. His housemate had been sullen and withdrawn since returning home the previous Sunday.

He looked up at the windows of their apartment. They were dark and the drapes were pulled back. From where he was sitting, he could make out the ceiling fan in the living room. He wondered briefly if Yenshi had gone out, but if the tiger was still in his mood he had most likely sequestered himself in his room. The only window in Yenshi's room looked out onto the central courtyard.

Finally, Nassus got out of the car and made his way up the stairs to the third floor. He thought again of the idea he'd gotten during lunch that afternoon. It had been ages since he and Yenshi had gone anywhere together, and he'd decided that perhaps a weekend trip to Presque Isle State Park on Lake Erie would be good for both of them. There were some nice bed-and-breakfast Inns around the area, and Yenshi loved the water. It seemed like a good way to help improve his friend's mood.

At the top of the stairs, Nassus caught a whiff of something that made him stop. It was a faint hint of a familiar sour odor that made him shake his head in disgust and disappointment. As he got closer to his apartment door, the scent grew. He doubted any human could detect the smell of vomit from outside, but to his canine nose it was terribly obvious. He drew a deeper breath and detected a trace of alcohol. That told him what he expected. Yenshi had gotten drunk, puked, and most likely passed out before it got dark enough to turn on the lights in the apartment.

Nassus had to fight back the anger at Yenshi's behavior. He knew it had been hard for the tiger since he'd been abused by the Porsche panther and his friends. It was even understandable that Yenshi would want to get plastered to forget about his troubles. Once again, though, it was up to Nassus to clean up the mess, this time literally.

He leaned toward the retinal scanner and let himself in, bracing himself for what he knew was facing him. The biting stench of vomit made him sneeze a few times until he got used to it. In the dark of the apartment, his genetically enhanced vision had no problem spotting the tiger lying on the floor by the sofa. He could see a nearly empty bottle on the coffee table. What he could see of the label on the bottle told him it was cheap vodka, the easiest way for someone who didn't like hard liquor to get drunk quickly.

"Ah, hell," he muttered. He wavered again between anger and sympathy. For a moment, he considered dropping the idea of a weekend trip. Why reward behavior like this? It was Yenshi's evident desperation, though, that made the trip a good idea. He glanced over at his housemate's still form, trying to figure out exactly what he should do.

In the end, he did what he knew he would do. His friend needed him, and he simply couldn't abandon him because he was unhappy about the circumstances. He drew a glass of water, drank it, and then drew another. He went to the bathroom to get some towels and the bottle of Aftercrash he kept for such occasions. Aftercrash was little more than a few mild painkillers mixed into rehydration fluids, but it would help.

He went back to the living room and turned on the light. As he sat on the sofa near where Yenshi was lying, he took stock of the mess. He couldn't help but frown at the thin puddle by the tiger's nose. He wondered what he'd eaten before getting drunk. It didn't look like much. In fact, the only thing he could see within the stinking pool on the carpet was a bunch of small orange lumps. They looked a bit like candy or something similar.

Something very cold grabbed Nassus' stomach and squeezed. He looked at the coffee table. In the light he could now see a small bottle next to the nearly empty vodka bottle. He put down the things he was carrying and picked it up. He immediately noticed it was empty. The label said 'EZDoze - for occasional sleeplessness.' He looked at the vodka bottle and noticed a small scrap of paper under it. He pulled it out from under the bottle and looked at it with a shaking hand. There were only two words written on it. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, Jesus," he whispered. He looked down at Yenshi, his eyes closed and his expression more relaxed than it had been in weeks. "Oh, God, no," he moaned. It was worse than any nightmare he could have imagined. It was like the world had decided to end and hadn't bothered to tell him.

Events became confusing after that. He heard someone yelling, "Open line, call 911!" but thought the voice was too high and panicky to be his own. There wasn't anyone else there, though. He heard the telecomp answer, "911, what is the nature of the emergency?" After that it was fuzzy bits and pieces until he noticed several people dressed in blue uniforms were around him, moving him, talking to him and trying to pick up Yenshi. It wasn't until he saw them move his limp body, his thin arms and legs dangling like a doll, that his brain reconnected in any meaningful way. And the only thing he remembered later before the EMTs gave him an injected sedative was drawing in a deep breath and screaming at the silent, motionless tiger, "God damn it Yenshi, what have you done?!"

**************************

Two hours later, Nassus was still fairly numb. He was sitting in the small lobby of the 'Genemorphic Specialties' wing of Allegheny General Hospital and waiting for word of Yenshi's condition. The surreal feeling of detachment was still with him, insulating him from any emotional pain. The only real grounding he had was Cadrie's presence. He'd called her out of desperation. He hadn't known whom else to call.

Cadrie had rushed to the hospital despite it being after 10 o'clock at night. She'd sat beside him, holding his hand and reassuring him as much as she could. There was little else she could do, since she couldn't answer the single question that had plagued him since the ambulance crossed the river on it's way to the hospital: why had this happened?

It was a puzzle he was in no shape to solve. The image of Yenshi being lifted onto a stretcher, limp as a dead man, still haunted him. He kept hearing the words of one of the EMTs who'd called into Allegheny's dispatch center: 'Looks like an attempted suicide.'

Why? Why hadn't he noticed something was wrong? How had Yenshi reached a point that killing himself was preferable to living? How had he gotten that desperate without sending any signals Nassus could see?

"Nassus, honey?" Cadrie squeezed his hand.

"Hmm?" He had almost forgotten she was there beside him, he'd been so distracted.

"I'm going to go get a cup of coffee. Would you like something?" She stroked her thumb over the top of his large hand.

He managed a tired smile. "That would be nice, thanks."

After she'd gone, he looked around the waiting room at the few other morphs there with him. One young female skunk caught his attention briefly. She was flipping channels on the telecomp in the corner of the room. She stopped on a broadcast of music videos. A human woman on the screen was singing a newly popular song. He'd heard the lyrics before, but had never paid much attention until now.

/The one who holds my heart/

/Dropped it yesterday/

/He couldn't see my tears/

/He couldn't see my pain/

/The one who holds my heart/

/I deeply loved in vain/

/He didn't know he held it/

/Because I couldn't say/

/I love you/

The singer's plaintive song was too much for the skunk fem, for she started shaking gently. He heard her sobbing quietly. Suddenly uncomfortable, Nassus got up with the intent of finding Cadrie. He hadn't taken two steps when a police officer came around the corner and stopped him.

"Mr. Newgrange?" he asked.

The policeman was a young human male, and it was obvious by his bearing and manner that he was not happy being there. Nassus felt the fur on the back of his neck rise. He was not happy to see the policeman, either.

"Yes?"

"I need to speak to you for a moment. Would you mind?" The question was irrelevant, for the young human had taken Nassus' gently but firmly by the elbow and steered him toward the hallway. In his state, the greyhound couldn't find it in him to resist.

Once they'd moved down the hallway and were out of earshot of the other genemorphs in the lobby, the man let go of him. Nassus looked him over quickly, noticing the usual equipment a city police officer would carry: firearm, mace, handcuffs, shockstick. He also noticed the small piece of black nylon hanging on his belt next to his extra ammo clip. It was equipment issued to officers who were likely to be called upon to restrain a genemorph: a high strength temporary muzzle.

"I'm officer McLinn. I've been assigned to investigate a possible suicide. For public record, this conversation will be recorded." He pressed a small button on the tiny peep-cam built into the collar of his polyceramic vest. "You're Yenshi Ashida's room mate, yes?"

Something about McLinn brought Nassus to full alert. He was all too aware of the poor relations between humans and their anthropomorphic creations. He also knew that most human police viewed genemorphs as inherently dangerous. Dealing with the police was always difficult for a morph. The consensus among genemorphs was that the best way to handle police was to cooperate only as much as was absolutely necessary.

Nassus had never really believed much in the consensus of other morphs. Facing this policeman at this moment, though, made him reconsider.

"Yes, he's my room mate."

"Where were you before you discovered him?"

"At work."

"Did you have any contact with him before you came home?"

"No."

"Were you aware of any circumstances that might have led up to this?"

The cop might as well have slapped him. Nassus felt a sudden pang of guilt, that somehow he had been negligent in not catching this before it had gone this far. He said, "No," but his voice was unsteady and laced with pain.

McLinn noticed, and hesitated. He studied Nassus a moment before continuing. His voice changed, though. His professionalism seemed forced as he said, "I must tell you, Mr. Newgrange, that your answers are crucial to my investigation. If I find that the actions your room mate took were an act of attempted suicide, I will be required to take him to a specialized facility where his mental health can be monitored."

His posture, voice and scent told Nassus the cop was very reluctant to carry out his threat of taking Yenshi away. What Nassus couldn't figure out was whether he was acting out of kindness or laziness. He was sure, though, that having Yenshi put into a ward where he could be scrutinized would do the tiger no good whatsoever.

"It wasn't suicide." The words were out of his mouth before he could edit them. He realized he'd just lied to a police officer, and the thought bothered him. More importantly, though, he had to make his lie stick, or he'd be in as much trouble as Yenshi. "It...he was-"

Nassus nearly panicked. He had no good explanation to offer, no convincing answers waiting to satisfy the cop's questions.

"Sir, he drank almost a full liter of vodka and swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. How do you explain that?"

Nassus stared at the human cop. He relaxed as much as he could and tried to get his thoughts together. He realized there was something very important the human hadn't said yet.

"Have you talked to Yenshi yet?"

The cop's expression flickered. He wasn't sure what it meant, but it seemed important. The cop shifted his stance, as though suddenly uncomfortable with the whole thing.

"Let me explain something else to you, sir." The 'sir' was forced and somewhat sarcastic. "I have the authority to conduct this investigation as I see fit. At this time, the victim is still undergoing treatment, so I can't talk to him. If I can ascertain his intentions by questioning people who know him, then I can make a judgment without talking to him. If I believe the testimony given by others determines that it was not a case of attempted suicide, then my recordings and other files on the case will be placed in a sealed file." He leaned closer, and his expression soured. His voice became rather condescending. "Do you understand now, sir?"

He did. The cop didn't like his job, apparently because of a serious prejudice against genemorphs, and he didn't give a damn whether Yenshi had tried to kill himself or not. All he cared about was closing the case as quickly as possible. And he knew what to tell him now.

"It wasn't suicide. It was stupidity."

The cop frowned. "Excuse me?" The unspoken words were, 'Can't you do better than that?'

The whole fabrication crystallized in Nassus' mind. "Yenshi's convinced he's descended from a combat line. He'd said he could prove it lots of times. I just didn't think he'd actually do it." He took a breath, surprised at how easy it was to spin the lie to the needed proportions. "He thinks he's from the Indian National Army's Panthera Corp. He figures he's got a combat chassis."

"Combat chassis," the officer repeated, obviously not following Nassus' line of reasoning.

"You know, an engineered resistance to drugs and alcohol. He thinks he's practically indestructible. He told me once he would prove it to me." His voice was steady now. He knew if he played this right he could keep Yenshi out of the system's notoriously careless hands.

The cop stared at him a moment. "So you're saying this was..." He shrugged. "What, his way of proving a point?"

"Like I said, it was stupidity. Probably mixed with boredom." Nassus noticed Cadrie had come back and was watching them from the doorway of the waiting room. The officer noticed the shift of his eyes and turned toward her. Her eyes were wide as she watched them.

Slowly turning back, the human said, "Thank you for your time." He turned his peep-cam off. But he kept staring at Nassus. The greyhound didn't know what more the cop would want until he quietly said, "There was a note."

Nassus swallowed. He'd forgotten the piece of paper Yenshi'd left under the bottle. He couldn't think of a way to explain it. The cop waited, and he wondered if it were a test to see how tightly Nassus would stick to his story. Unable to think of a reasonable explanation, he simply said, "I didn't see a note."

That didn't seem to sit well with the officer. He glared at Nassus and said, "I have what I need. But I'll warn you. If anything else like this happens, if there's another incident involving what appears to be attempted suicide, this file will be reopened and I'll come looking for you for some better answers. Got it?"

Anger started to percolate through the confusing mish-mash of feelings that were gumming up his mind. But Nassus could see that this portion of the drama was over, and if he could control himself a few moments longer, it would be behind him.

"Got it," he said as calmly as he could. Regardless of whatever bigotry or laziness motivated the cop, he was giving him what he wanted. He watched him as he made some notes on an expensive looking police-issue palmtop. The officer gave him a curt nod and walked away without another word.

Nassus walked back to the waiting room, feeling suddenly tired. Cadrie followed him. She handed him a cup of coffee after he'd sat down.

"What did he want?"

"Answers," Nassus sighed.

That was explanation enough for Cadrie. She sat down next to him and put her arm around his shoulder. "I talked to the doctor. Yenshi's going to be fine."

The sudden release of all his fears pushed a relieved sob past his dry mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut and let his ears fall. Cadrie took the coffee from his abruptly shaking hand. She waited while he did his best to collect himself.

"What-" It came out as a harsh whisper. He took a breath and tried again. "What did they say?"

"They gave him some counteractive medicine and pumped his stomach. They said the alcohol made the effects of the sleeping pills worse, but probably saved his life. He couldn't handle the stuff, so he threw it, and most of the pills, back up. He needs a day or two to rest and then he can come home. I'm sorry, but they won't let us visit him tonight. They said we should come back tomorrow."

Nassus opened his eyes and turned to the kindly gopher. He blinked until she no longer looked blurry. "Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me."

"Any time, sugar." She squeezed his hand. "Any time."

**************************

Nassus went to bed exhausted and confused, but he couldn't sleep. When the telecomp chirped at him a few hours later, his state hadn't improved any. Donna's face glared at him from the screen. Her angry voice demanded to know why he hadn't shown up at work.

He simply stared at her. The best answer he could give her, indeed the *only* answer he could give her, was that he had a personal emergency. That didn't cut it with Donna. She wanted him at the library.

Anger surged through him, a sudden storm of emotion he was in no shape to control. He grabbed the sides of the screen, leaned close until his nose almost touched its surface and growled deep in his throat. "Don't fuck with me, monkey," he rumbled menacingly, his ears flat and his fangs bared. The look of shock and fear that broke through Donna's contempt was satisfying, but only in a vague, detached way. He slapped the screen's touch-sensitive surface to cut the connection, making the plastic housing rock back and forth a few times.

He sat back, trying to get his anger under control. It wouldn't let go so easily, though. The sense that something very wrong, something *unfair*, had happened last night kept bothering him, nipping at him from the edge of his conscious thoughts. It was guilt that had kept him awake through the morning hours, but this was different. He'd missed some important sign and almost lost Yenshi as a result. Why should that make him angry?

His eyes drifted down to the spot where he'd found Yenshi. There was still a stain left in the carpet. Coming back last night to the stench of vomit had prompted an hour-long effort to clean up the mess. The only cleaning stuff he had in the house hadn't done a very good job. He could still see the evidence of Yenshi's despair, still smell it under the harsh sting of chemical cleansers.

The anger drowned in a new flood of guilt. He'd nearly blown it, nearly lost his housemate and friend. It was a horrible feeling of helplessness. Now the young tiger was in the hospital, alone. The thought of Yenshi laying there, still consumed with despair, tore at his heart. He looked up at the clock and realized visiting hours had just started.

Like most people, Nassus hated hospitals. No amount of effort could conceal or remove the odor of pain and death that clung to them. Supposedly, most large hospitals with genemorphic specialty wings used a higher grade of filtering for the climate control systems. It didn't seem to help much, not to the genetically engineered noses of those who had to stay there.

The nurse on duty said Yenshi was awake and doing well enough to have visitors. Nassus' spirits were buoyed to hear the news. As she led him to the tiger's room, he did his best to ignore the mewling cries of another feliform in a nearby ward.

As they entered the room, the nurse greeted Yenshi with professional cheer. She quickly probed his ear with a thermometer and checked the overhead screen to note his blood pressure. She asked him if he felt like eating yet, and patted his arm reassuringly when he shook his head. "Don't worry, hon, things will get back to normal soon enough." Then she excused herself and left.

Nassus was so happy to see Yenshi alive that he just stood there for a moment. The wretched journey from believing the tiger was drunk, then dead, ended with seeing him alive and recovering. He looked terrible, though. His fur was matted and his eyes were bloodshot. He could detect the scent of vomit and urine clinging to the tiger's pelt. It brought back the image of him passed out on the floor of the apartment. That image muted his happiness.

"How are you doing?" It was the expected question between two people in their position, but it seemed inadequate. Still, he didn't know what else to ask under the circumstances.

Yenshi looked at Nassus, his expression full of misery. His ears were completely flat and his eyes showed nothing but pain. He didn't speak but a new scent filled the room, one that confused the greyhound: fear.

"How are you doing?" he asked again. His own voice seemed hollow to him, as though the question was no longer important. He watched as Yenshi just stared at him. The tiger's eyes were filling with tears. They ran down the sides of his muzzle and dripped onto the fur of his chest. All the good feelings he'd felt at seeing his housemate alive dwindled. The cold spot was back in the pit of Nassus' stomach.

All the uncertainty could be ended now, he realized. He could ask Yenshi the question that had been torturing him since last night. The inexplicable anger was back, and he unconsciously clenched his fists. His ears folded and he didn't try to get them up. Finally, his voice harsh, he grated out the question that would bring all this confusion and anger to an end.

"Why?"

Yenshi didn't answer. He only closed his eyes and shook with quiet sobs.

The guilt came back again, stronger this time. To see Yenshi break down like that hurt him more than he imagined. But he still didn't have the answer to why all this was happening.

Unable to take any more, Nassus turned and left. As he passed the nurse's station in the hallway, he asked them to call him when Yenshi was ready to come home.

**************************

Instead of going directly home, Nassus drove around Pittsburgh for a while. He'd wanted some time to think. Unfortunately, he chose a bad time to do it. It was late Friday afternoon, and traffic was terrible.

Unable to concentrate on anything but driving, he went back home. The sharp claws of guilt were finally starting to loosen their grip as he climbed the stairs to the apartment. Reaching the door, though, he flashed back to that moment of seeing Yenshi on the floor. Anger took hold of him again.

He unlocked the door and went inside. He slammed the door behind him, keeping his tail pressed against the backs of his thighs. Like most genemorphs, he remembered that first childhood lesson about doors and tails.

Once inside, he felt aimless. He sat down on the couch, but the telecomp showed two urgent messages from the Library. He wondered if his outburst had given Donna enough reason to have him fired. He also wondered why he didn't care if it had.

He started to head out onto the patio, but stopped when he realized he really didn't want to talk to Bertram. If his neighbor were outside, he'd be faced with either a conversation he would probably regret or rudely turning around and going back inside.

Nassus opened the refrigerator, hoping to distract himself with food. It did no good, however. The first thing he noticed was the six-pack of Seld Gra pushed off to one side. Yenshi had bought it on the advice of one of his college friends. The first bottle had been his last, however. The remaining five bottles lingered in the fridge, waiting for the tiger to decide to drink them or throw them out.

Compulsively, he grabbed one of the bottles and opened it. He took a large swallow and let his tongue give its opinion. Beyond the bite of alcohol and the tang of citrus, he could only detect a faint sweetness. He upended the bottle and emptied it. When he finished, he looked at the empty bottle, glancing at the label without interest. It went into the trash bin, clinking heavily against some other piece of glass.

Still feeling disconnected from any version of reality he recognized, he opened a second bottle and sat on the couch. This one he drank slowly. As he drank it, he stared at the blinking message icon on the telecomp's screen. He was careful not to think about it; he just stared. He drank, letting his sense of taste dominate him for a change. The icon was nothing but a colored shape, rhythmically disappearing and reappearing before his eyes. It signified nothing unless he wanted it to.

It worked for a while, but eventually the bottle was empty and he faced a choice. Open another bottle, or open the messages? Without the Seld Gra to distract him, the flashing envelope became a pixilated bearer of bad news. His ears twitched. Bottle first, he decided, then he could deal with the messages.

The third bottle was chilling the pad of his palm as he told the telecomp to open the first message. It was video from Cadrie at work. Her round face and round ears showed mild distress, which could have meant anything.

"I was talking to Mrs. Roberts about you today. I explained why you weren't in. I hope you don't mind. I thought it might be a good idea." Cadrie hesitated, looking even more distressed. "Donna was saying some really ugly things about you. I thought you could use, you know, someone on your side." She shrugged slightly. "I don't know if it helped. Tell Yenshi I hope he's feeling better soon. I'll come and visit him after he gets home."

She was another person Yenshi hurt with his thoughtless act, he reflected. He opened the second message, which was from Mrs. Roberts herself. He wondered how his future had emerged between the efforts of Cadrie, Donna, and Mrs. Roberts, who had authority over both them and him.

"Mr. Newgrange," the prim black human female said calmly. "Your situation has been brought to my attention. I want to assure you that everyone here at the library is praying for the well being of your friend. I also want you to know that we look forward to your return to the humanities department when the crisis is over. Good day."

Nassus stared at the blank screen, feeling like he'd just had a truck rush by within inches of him. He'd been a fool to antagonize Donna, but he wouldn't lose his job because of it. Mrs. Roberts apparently understood, though she hadn't seemed to really empathize much in her short message.

He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. The relief of not finding himself unemployed was little comfort, but he'd take it. It was the only thing he understood out of the whole mess. That was what bothered him the most, really. He knew bad things happened in life. If Yenshi'd been mugged or hit by a car, he knew he'd grieve, recover, and go on.

The puzzle of why Yenshi seemed to suddenly want to die was unfathomable, though. It made no sense. The young tiger had plenty to live for. Why give it all up?

Nassus sat for a long time, staring at nothing in particular. The longer he sat there, the more he thought about his housemate. And the more he thought about Yenshi, the more he remembered the details of his lonely, difficult life.

Yenshi was the only son of a fiercely conservative religious man and a quiet, compliant woman. His father had reached the highest status of any genemorph in a human church in Pennsylvania. When Yenshi had discovered his homosexuality, he bravely faced his father and told him. He loved and feared his father, and he had hoped love would win out between them when the truth was exposed. It hadn't, and his father threw him out at seventeen.

Love seemed to disappear from his life after that, and it hurt him terribly. He moved in with a friend who shortly thereafter moved to Pittsburgh. Only a few months later, they split up and Yenshi went from partner to partner, looking for someone who truly cared about him.

Nassus had taken pity on him when he'd met him and heard his story. He figured having a stable home and a caring friend would help him get his life together. He enjoyed the tiger's company, and they both took great pleasure in making love to one another. Lately, though, it wasn't enough. Yenshi seemed more desperate than ever to find someone who would hold his heart. And the harder he looked, the worse he got hurt.

Nassus blinked, startled by his simplistic revelation. Was that it? Was that what had driven Yenshi to near self-destruction? Was he so distraught at having no one to call his own that he chose oblivion over loneliness?

He'd known the tiger about a year now, and he'd never have suspected him capable of such a thoughtless act. No, he realized, not just thoughtless. Selfish.

The anger bubbled up again, but muted this time. Because Yenshi couldn't handle being dumped so many times, he'd decided to kill himself in the home of the only person who'd ever really tried to care for him. It was the ultimate selfishness and terribly cruel to Nassus, who would have had to deal with finding him.

Nassus thought about it until the Seld Gra in his hand had gotten warm and gone flat. He couldn't be sure, of course. Yenshi's reason might have nothing to do with his love life. If it didn't, that left Nassus with his first question: why? Without an answer, he didn't think he could live with the tiger. This was far too important to bury or ignore.

By the time the last bottle of Seld Gra was empty and lying in the trash bin, it was dark out and Nassus was no closer to an answer. The alcohol left his head feeling hollow and heavy. He wanted nothing more than to get to bed and let sleep dissolve his cares, at least temporarily.

**************************

It was raining the next morning when Nassus got up. Rain was usually something he liked hearing. The soft patter of raindrops on the windows was relaxing, especially on a day when he didn't have to work.

The gray skies and hissing rainfall did nothing to improve his mood. He was scheduled off for the day, but he couldn't concentrate on anything. He kept seeing Yenshi sitting in the hospital bed, crying. Over and over again he would wrench his mind away from the image, only to have it resurface.

The little bit he'd had for breakfast was lying heavily in his stomach, swimming in three cups of coffee. He was considering going back to bed when the telecomp signaled an incoming call. It was from the hospital.

"Mr. Newgrange?" It was one of the nurses whom he'd seen working the day before.

"Yes?"

"Good morning. I'm calling to tell you that Mr. Ashida is ready to be released."

Nassus stared at her a moment. "Thank you. I'll be there shortly."

The nurse's expression became uncomfortable. "Um, sir? He asked me to call a taxi for him. Should I go ahead and..."

He shook his head. "No, please. I'll be there to get him as soon as I can."

The nurse nodded and broke the connection.

Nassus put on a clean pair of walking shorts and drove to the hospital, wondering how he was going to handle it. It would depend largely on Yenshi, of course, but he needed to have some idea of what he was going to say.

By the time he got to the hospital and went inside, he was wondering if maybe he'd made a mistake. He still had no idea of what to say when he got to the nurse's station. Perhaps he should have let Yenshi take a taxi home.

No, he realized. The guilt that had been plaguing him said that he needed to keep his eye on the tiger. It was possible Yenshi might not have come back to the apartment. He might have simply disappeared to his hiding place, perhaps for good. The idea set his ears half back.

There were papers to sign, and a final retinal scan for confirmation of Nassus' acceptance of Yenshi's release and his hospital bill. He glanced at the amount and frowned. He pointed to the document on the screen and started to say, "Excuse me."

"The itemized bill will be sent to your telecomp after it's been processed by your insurance company," the nearest nurse said without looking up from her own screen.

Still frowning, he turned to see Yenshi being escorted out in a wheelchair. He was wearing a blue hospital gown. When the tiger noticed Nassus standing by the nurse's station he looked surprised. It only lasted a second. His head dropped to his chest and his ears fell.

"He didn't come in with any clothes," said the assistant pushing his wheelchair. His cheerfulness sounded only slightly forced, the face he put on for departing patients several times a day. "We figured it would be better for him to borrow a gown rather than get arrested for indecency on the way home."

Arrested for indecency, Nassus thought with some bitterness. Wouldn't that be the luck? The idea of being stopped on their way home reminded him of his encounter with the policeman who had questioned him about Yenshi's 'incident.' Not surprisingly, the memory of lying to a cop triggered the memory of finding Yenshi lying on the floor and all that happened after. He struggled to get his feelings under control. He didn't want to create a scene here. He still wasn't sure how he should handle the whole thing, but getting upset before they even got home wasn't the right way.

They finally made their way out to Nassus' car and drove home. The ride was silent. Nassus was still dealing with the conflict of guilt and anger, and he didn't yet fully trust himself to say the right thing. Anger seemed to be the stronger of the two, and he knew better than to let it take control of him.

Guilt made a comeback when they got home, though. As they got out of the car, Nassus noticed the tiger was moving slower than usual. Whatever he felt about Yenshi's thoughtless act, it was obvious it had taken a physical toll on the young feliform. Climbing the steps to the third floor was even slower, and he heard a soft groan as his housemate reached the landing.

Once they were inside, Yenshi went right to the couch and sat down. Nassus put his shorts on the clothes tree and turned to the tiger.

"You want to keep that?" he asked, pointing to the gown. Yenshi shook his head. Nassus moved behind him on the couch and untied the strings that held it closed around his neck. Yenshi leaned forward to help as Nassus lifted the thin garment off him. The greyhound threw the gown into a drawer where they kept cleaning rags, trying not to think how much the thing had probably cost him.

Nassus opened the fridge and poured a glass of apple juice. He took it to Yenshi, but the tiger declined with a small shake of his head. "Something to eat?" he offered. Another shake answered him. He put the glass down on the coffee table and walked to the window.

He tried to listen to his heart. He wanted to do the right thing for his friend, to help them both get past this terrible near-tragedy. He was willing to do most anything to keep something like this from happening again.

How could he, though? He had no clue why they had gone through such a horrendous trial. It was as though he'd been attacked himself, randomly and without forethought. How could he prevent it if he couldn't explain it?

The anger was back, and it drowned out his heart. It was chanting a single question, over and over, and it wouldn't stop until it had an answer. The one word that was struggling to escape his lips was simply, "Why?"

With an effort, Nassus composed himself. He would ask, but as a friend. Yenshi was his friend, and deserved no less. He folded his arms in front of him and concentrated. When he felt calm enough, he asked, "Can you explain this to me?"

There was no answer. He heard Yenshi's breath quicken as if he were feeling pain, but no other sound came from him. The anger tried to flare, but he pushed it back down as best he could. He turned away from the window and let his arms drop to his sides. He managed to keep his hands from forming fists, but they shook from the effort. His breath quickened, as though he were expecting a fight.

"Can you explain this to me?" he said again, his voice tight and strained. He watched the tiger carefully, wanting to know what was going on in his head.

Yenshi stared at the floor in front of him. His jaw trembled and twitched, as if he were fighting to either keep the words in or force them out. Finally, his voice soft and pained, he said, "You don't want to know."

It was too much. His eyes got big and his tail raised against his will. "The hell I don't!" Nassus exploded, suddenly unable to contain himself any longer. Yenshi visibly jerked at the sound of his voice. "I want to know why you didn't say anything! I want to know why you didn't ask for help or complain or *something*! You just popped a bunch of sleeping pills and swigged some vodka and left me to find your dead body with no idea what I did wrong!" His voice rose with each sentence until it started to break. He felt hot tears under the fur of his cheeks. "Why? Can you tell me why?"

Yenshi withered as Nassus' words echoed through the apartment. His ears flattened, his eyes squeezed shut and he whimpered, "I love you."

Taken aback at his statement, Nassus could only mumble, "What?"

The tiger was crying now, unabashedly, like a kit who'd been carelessly injured. "B-because...I love you."

Nassus was confused. Of all the answers he could have imagined, this one never crossed his mind. And even with the answer in his hands, it made no sense to him. He moved to the chair across from the couch and sat down. "I don't understand. What do you mean?"

Yenshi's hands were pressed against his eyes, wiping at the tears. He sniffed several times, and Nassus got up to get him a box of tissues. It took a while for him to settle down. When he had calmed enough to speak, he stared at his clenched hands as he pressed them between his knees. He took a deep breath and explained as best he could.

"You're the only one who's ever given a damn about me," the tiger explained slowly, quietly. "You took me in that night, took me home, made love to me like we were porn stars. You didn't tell me I had to do anything. You just let me be me." He hesitated, thinking back on the night they'd met at one of the few genemorph bars in Pittsburgh.

"I was happy enough when you said I could stay. I thought you were so generous to try and help me out. And you made love to me. You didn't just fuck me like everyone else did. By the next weekend I had a big crush on you."

Nassus was frozen in place. He felt he knew what Yenshi would say next despite the fact that it was a complete surprise to him. The tiger proved his intuition right.

"I fell in love with you. You were perfect. The longer I was with you, the more I wanted to stay with you, forever. But you didn't see it. So I tried to figure out a way to make you love me." Yenshi closed his eyes again, this time in shame. "I even tried to make you jealous, but it didn't work. Nothing I did worked. So I gave up. You didn't love me so I gave up."

The pain of Yenshi's words stunned the caniform. "You can't mean that," he tried to explain. "You're young, I'm old...older." He winced at the tiny bit of stray vanity that crept in.

"It's true," Yenshi said.

"I'm sorry," Nassus said, at a loss. "I never saw you that way."

"I know."

Oh, how that stabbed. Yenshi laid bare the tattered remains of his heart with those two words. Nassus felt terrible. The anger had evaporated and left only the guilt. Without knowing it, he had in fact caused Yenshi's unbearable despair. He desperately wanted to believe he wasn't truly to blame. How could he be? He hadn't known.

But that's what made it feel as though it *was* his fault. He'd been blind. And Yenshi had suffered as a result. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do.

They sat in silence for a long time. Not knowing what else to say, Nassus asked, "Well, what now?"

"I'll move out."

Nassus frowned, not liking the idea of Yenshi being alone after have been hurt so badly, and especially not after what he'd already tried. He also realized, in a moment of startling clarity, he didn't want to live alone again.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I can't stay here."

"Look, we can work this out. We can, I dunno..."

"I can't stay here if you don't love me."

"But I do love you," Nassus blurted out, utterly surprised he said it

They stared at each other, both uncertain what to make of such a declaration. Yenshi's eyes asked for more from him, and Nassus realized he had to be careful and honest. "You're like a kid brother to me. I wanna watch out for you."

Yenshi looked away, a terrible sadness in his eyes. Nassus found himself thinking of the father who turned away from him, sent him away. Worse, he could see painful similarities in what he was telling the young tiger. Hating such a comparison, he offered a quiet, "I'm sorry."

"Can't you learn to love me?"

Nassus tried to think of a way to make Yenshi understand. "I'm sure I could, but-" Yenshi tried to interrupt, but Nassus pressed on. "-but it wouldn't be best for either of us." Yenshi tried again to speak, but Nassus held him off. "I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe even take vows with. I need someone who's..." He hesitated, trying to think of a kind way to phrase his thoughts. "Who's finished with clubbing and screwing around." He got up and moved to sit down next to the tiger on the sofa.

"Yenshi, you're young and handsome and smart. And you deserve a chance to find the perfect mate. Someone better for you than me."

The feliform stared at him a moment. "Bullshit. You're the only one who's ever been good for me. You're the only one who really cares about me."

Nassus tried again, hoping he wasn't arguing in vain. "You'll eventually find someone else-"

"I don't want someone else! I want you!"

And in those yellow eyes full of pain, Nassus saw the truth. At that moment, there was no room in Yenshi's heart for anyone but Nassus. Age didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the love he wanted to give, knowing it wouldn't, *couldn't*, be returned.

Even if Nassus had felt more for the lost tiger, what would happen down the road? Yenshi was bound to find someone else. He'd spent the few years of adulthood he'd had searching for love. Would he have given up that search utterly if Nassus had fallen as deeply in love with him? He couldn't believe it. He felt certain Yenshi would outgrow him. That was how love worked.

But, his heart whispered, what about now? We two are all we have.

Nassus hadn't found his own perfect mate. As long as he had been looking, living a moderated version of Yenshi's life, he still hadn't found the person who was right for him. Who was he to tell Yenshi that he need only look around to find a better partner?

Nassus stared at his housemate and friend. Were they, perhaps, meant to be together? Was that why they'd met at that bar, both searching for someone to spend time with? There was no way to tell unless they both tried, compromised.

He balked a moment at the idea. Love shouldn't be a bargain, struck out of desperation. It was supposed to be more than that. It was supposed to fill all those empty places in his heart that had been quietly aching for so many years. It was supposed to be beautiful and pure and shine like sunlight.

The fur on Nassus arms suddenly rose. Oh, god, he thought. That's why I didn't see it. I was waiting for a fairy tale. I was being a fool, hoping to stumble across the perfect man. I blinded myself to what was there all along.

Bertram Jericho's last conversation came to him. He'd said the very same thing, hadn't he? That people are sometimes blinded to love by the search? Had he missed what he was searching for while it was right there, next to him?

He loved Yenshi, he truly did. He cared about his well-being, and he wanted him to be happy. He was willing to make sacrifices to help him find what he wanted. He'd believed he had made sacrifices, putting off the search for his own perfect mate to help him find one for the feliform. Could he let that love grow into something more, something deeper?

Should he?

A strange feeling of calm crept in, easing the turmoil he'd felt only moments ago. He laid his hand on the tiger's arm. He caressed the orange and black fur gently as he tried to think of the best way to say what was in his heart.

"Look," he said, noticing the tiger's complete attention was on him. "If you'll promise to stop going out with these jerks who don't care about you, if you'll promise to tell me if..." His throat closed for a moment as he thought again about the horrible events two nights past. "Promise to tell me if you're...hurting or feeling bad, then I promise to-"

Love you? Try to love you? What could he honestly promise that would even be worth the breath it took to make?

Looking into those trusting, needful yellow eyes told him what he needed to say.

"...to open my heart to you, unconditionally."

There. It was said. They both might regret his words later on, but for now it was the only way out of the darkness, for both of them.

They stared at each other for a few moments. Yenshi started to look hopeful. Softly he whispered, "Really?"

Nassus nodded. "Yeah. Really."

The tiger wrapped his arm around him and they hugged, gently at first. Then Nassus held him tight, tears flooding his eyes unexpectedly. In that quiet, hope filled moment, he remembered the song in the hospital waiting room, 'The one who held my heart.' He smiled and kissed the tiger warmly as he realized they'd been holding each other's hearts all along.

**************************

This text is (c) 2003, Wirewolf

It may be downloaded and printed only with copyright information intact.

It may not be distributed without author's permission.

Comments or other responses should be addressed to:

[email protected]

[email protected]

[email protected]