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CHAPTER I

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Ever have one of those years that you just wish that you could go back and do over again. Make different choices knowing now what you knew back then. Well that's what I'm facing right now. It started last July when I found myself in need of a place to stay after returning from abroad. I had spent three years traveling around the solar system as a freighter pilot, and my contract was up. Three years was the max someone like me could serve in space. You see someone thought that us human's could not handle the stress of long term space travel as well at the Morphs. At first I thought it was stupid idea thinking just because I was a human that I could not deal with things as well as a Morph could. Yet you have to understand how fragile the human race is right now.

First off you have to understand that the human race is a dying species. In fact we as close to being on the endangered species list like so many of those feral animal where when I was growing up. The once seven trillion human lives that inhabit earth are now down do a messily two hundred thousand. Sure that sound like a lot but when you look at how many Morphs are now on the planet, human are out number at least five to one. Now don't get me I have any problems with the Morphs. Seeing that I'm good friend with quite a few of them and about a third of the population of Morphs are hybrids between them and their human mates. So in a way through them the human gene will live on.

However there are those human that hate them and say that they are the reason that the human race was slowly dying out. I say bull shit to anyone I hear say that. It was mankind own stupidly that had us on the brink of extinctions. All the wars and polluting that planet nearly killed us. Not to mention the last war that left a lot of place on Earth still uninhabitable to any life form. The only good thing that I saw that came out of that war was the Morphs. Both sides were working on trying to make a super solider. Just like every war before it. With having the DNA code fully mapped scientist started genetically mutilating human and animal DNA. During the last months of the war the lab where these eggheads were growing the Morphs was attack. Little did anyone know that during that attack that the incubation chambers survived?

It was not until thirty years after the war and mankind was close to being wiped out by disease and radiation that the Morphs made themselves known. Their numbers were bigger than anyone had record of, but instead of what everyone had written in story or what if scenarios when the experiments first started. They did not attack and subjugate man as slaves. No they help rebuild small pockets of radiation free zone working right alongside human. I remember reading about it in school when I was a kid and thinking what it would have been like back than working side by side with a new species in those rough early days. That was not over two hundred years ago, and while man was still on the brink of being wiped out it not as bad as it was back then. Report are that our numbers are growing, but right now I could not care about that, and that brings me back to my story.

As I said I thought it was a stupid rule knowing full well that I could still do a few more years as a space pilot, but another part of me understood the governments reasoning behind it. I was of the right age as they thought to come back to earth find a nice girl and start a family. A year ago a part of me like that idea. I even tried at dating a few women but nothing ever clicked. Back then I didn't know why it never worked but now I can see why I could never see myself committing to any of them. It was the simple fact that I was madly in love with my roommate. Now before you even ask, no I'm not gay. I don't have any problem with it at all. In fact my closest and dearest friend is gay. It just that I don't swing that way as the saying goes. Much to his disappointment or at least that what he's told me before.

No my roommate is the most lovely, sweet and sexy red panda morph that you could ever lay your eyes on. Or at least to me she was. Like most of her kind she had dark brown fur the cover her from under her chin all the way down her front to well I could only assume her nether region. Her long bush red almost burnt orange tail and white tail was so soft that just a simple accidental brush of it as she past me sent shiver down my spine. Her golden eyes held a soft gentle soul behind them. They were the kind that could look right into your very soul and you could easily get lost in them. I know because I did more time then I could even care to admit. She was to me at least the perfect woman, but I never found the courage to tell her how I felt.

It was one of those choice that I told you about that I wish I could have changed, but now I wish I could have gone back in time and told myself to tell Alex that I would be fine and find a place on my own. Instead of listing to him about the friend of his that needed a roommate. Now don't get me wrong I'm happy for the time I got to spend with this wonderful creature, but now every day I spend with her in our apartment is torture and I can feel my heart being rip out whenever I come on. You see Lilia has a boyfriend and not more than a month ago I happen to walk in on her when he asked her to marry him. Just one more thing I wish I could go back and change.

*******

Now I'm sitting at the corner bar trying my best to drown my heartache, but it not working. It never does, and I know that all I'm doing is slowly killing myself with every drink I take. Yeah I should man up and move on, but it hard to do so when your heart won't let go. I stared down at my beer and thought what I should do next. As I thought I raised my gals going to take another drink when a rather large paw grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"I think you've had enough." A male voice said.

"Listen buddy it my own business whether I've had enough or not, so I would suggest you let go." I snarled back.

"And if I do that then Lilia will have my stripped hide for letting you do this to yourself." Came the voice again that I finally realized it belong to Alex.

"What does she care she got Damon, she doesn't need to worry about me anymore." I said trying to pull my arm from Alex's grasp even though I knew it was pointless.

Alex was that close dear friend of mine that I mentioned. He was a near seven foot tiger morph that was at least twice my strength. I knew that he cared what I was doing to myself, but to use Lilia as an excuse to get me to stop was the wrong thing to do right now. Not after what I heard and saw when I came home this afternoon from work. Oh yeah if I didn't say it before I found another job flying a shuttle up to the orbital space station three times a day. I won't bore you with the details. As I was saying I once again walked in on something that I should have not seen. Not when it involved the woman I loved with another male. Sure he was her fiancé but I burned me up inside none the less.

"Just leave me alone Alex. Tell Lilia...hell I don't care what you tell her." I spat wheeling around about falling off my stool. I felt Alex strong arms grab a hold of me keeping me from falling.

"Alright you're done." Alex said picking me up like I was nothing but a child and putting carrying me out of the bar.

"Alex I can walk put me down now, I'm not you lover or anything." I said with anger.

Alex must have knowing that it was the alcohol in my veins that was doing the talking because he set me down but still kept a hold of me. We walked for a few minutes in silence before I finally said something. At first it was so low that Alex asked me what I said.

"I said I can't do this anymore Alex it just hurts too much." I said again a little louder.

"Lilia told me what happened, Marcus. She feels bad about it." Alex said to me as we slowly walked down the street toward my apartment. "If I had known this was going to happen..." He said trialing off.

"No." I slurred shaking my head. "It's not your fault, nobody but my own. I should have moved out months ago. When I realized that I had fallen in love with her I should have left." I said my tone sadden and near at the point of tears.

"Or you could have told her how you felt about." Alex injected.

"How the hell could I do that, she was already with Damon when I realized how I felt." I snapped. "Alex you've known me long enough to know that I could not ever do that to her. I couldn't take the rejection either." I said feeling a tear running down my cheek.

Alex didn't say anything to that. He knew I was right. There was no way that I could hurt Lilia like that not when as much as I hated Damon and thought he was an ass, that he made her happy. We reached my apartment a few minutes later and as I walked in with Alex's help I could see Lilia sitting at the dining room table nursing a cup of tea. We looked at each other for a second, but I quickly turned my head.

"Thanks Alex, I'm heading to bed." I said to him using the wall for a moment to support myself. When I stumbled a bit I heard Lilia get up from the table but I just raised my hand letting her know that I didn't need her help.

As I went into my bedroom I could over hear Lilia talking to Alex. They were talking softly in hops that I would not be able to hear them but even though I was human my hearing was pretty good.

"Thanks for bringing home Alex." Lilia said with a bit of shame in her voice.

"It's no problem Lilia, he like a brother to me." Alex said in return.

"When he walked in on Damon and me I was so embarrassed. I never wanted Marcus to see me like that." She told him. "I had to keep Damon from going after him for walking in on us."

'I wish the little bastard would have chased after me then I could have beaten his ass and had an excuse. He took away the woman I loved.' I thought to myself then shock my head as I lay in my bed. 'No you lost her because you didn't act, and now you've lost her.'

"I'm sure that he was embarrassed as well Lilia, so try not to be to upset." Alex said.

I'm not sure what else they talked about after that, because I passed out shortly afterwards. That night as I slept my mind kept replaying over the scene I walked in over and over again, and each time both Lilia where laughing at me like she knew how I felt about her and was rubbing it my face. The last time I sprang up in my bed drenched in sweat. My head started pounding from the hangover I had. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was already nine am. I let out a sigh of relief knowing that Lilia would have already been up and gone to work. That meant I wouldn't have to face her this morning.

I swung my feet out of bed and headed towards my bathroom, knowing that I needed a shower. As I turned on the water and stood under the hot spray I did my best to try to push what I saw yesterday evening out of my head. I didn't need to dwell on it. After a few minutes I washed and then got out. Drying myself off then wrapping the towel around myself and wiped my mirror and looked at myself in it. I needed a shave badly, but as I looked at myself I once again could see why Lilia would never want me. There was nothing special about me. Hell I wasn't even that build, sure I had a athletic build but for the job I did I didn't need to be overly muscular. Not like Damon, who was very built, but that didn't mean I couldn't take the ass if he tried anything.

After shaving leaving only a goatee, something new for me I went back to my room and got dressed. I know that even though I didn't feel like it I was going to need to get something in my stomach. With that thought my stomach grumbled reminded me that I had not eaten anything since lunch yesterday. Walking out of my room I was caught off guard by the smell of someone cooking breakfast. I smelt eggs bacon and with I thought was pancakes. I raised an eyebrow as I walked toward the kitchen. What I saw when I rounded the corner was a site that I wish I could see the rest of my life.

It was Lilia standing at the stove humming to herself in nothing but a long t-shirt, as I looked at it I remember it was the one I had given her not long after I moved in with her. You see Lilia is only about five six to my near six two. So my shirts where oversized on her and I had given her this one, one night after she had forgotten to do any laundry. Don't even ask why she didn't it a long story and I'll leave it at that. All I knew was that she looked damn good in it especially when I knew she never wear a bra under it to hold up her DD breast. I walked up over to the coffee pot and went to get myself a cup of the hot black goodness.

"Morning, breakfast will be ready in a bit." She said not even turning around to look at me.

"You don't have to do that. I can grab something on the way to the space port." I told her after taking a sip of coffee already feeling it affect on my headache and sleepy eyes.

"No I want to do this, beside after last night I know that you need something in your stomach." She said still not turning to look at me.

"About last night I want to say that I'm sorry." I told her. I could see that something was bothering her but I didn't press the issue if anything I just wanted to forget about what I saw.

"No Marcus it was my fault, I should have been more respectful of you and realized the time." She said trying hard to hold be her emotions.

Why was she the one so upset about what happen? This was her place after all. All I was doing was renting a room. Not to mention that her and Damon were a couple. It was not like she was cheating on me or anything. It always hurt me seeing her upset. Even before I realize I was in love with her I didn't like to see her sad, but now that I seemed to be the cause of it made me feel even worse. It was time for me to move on and leave her and Damon to their happy future.

"Let's just leave it alone okay." I said, taking another sip of my coffee before I set it down and headed back to my room.

"Where you going, I thought you had the next few days off?" She asked. I could hear her turn around but I kept my back to her not wanting to look at her and lose my resolve for what I was about to do.

"I did, but one of the guys called in sick for the Lunar run and they called me in to take his slot." I told her.

"Isn't that a three day long run?" She asked and I simply nodded my head. "Oh I see." Was all she said.

With that said I headed to my room and started packing my stuff. I put everything I thought I would need for a weeklong trip. Sure it was a lie but I had to keep appearances. Thou something told me deep down that Lilia knew that I was lying to her. Ten minutes later I had my bags packed and started for the door. I stopped as I saw her still standing in the kitchen her back to me.

"Well I'll see you later Lilia." I said but only got a slow nod. "Bye." With that I quickly left the apartment that I had spent the last year with the woman of my dream, knowing that I would never return.

Sure there were still few things of mine in the room but it was nothing that I could live without. The more important things I could have Alex go over and get them for me and bring them to my new place. I tossed my bag in the back of my truck and looked up to the apartment hopelessly wishing that Lilia would be looking out the window at me leave. In a way I'm glad she didn't it made things easier, but another part of me wish she had.

'No stop fooling yourself you're only a human space jockey that could never give her the things she needed.' I thought to myself and climbed into my truck taking off towards the space port.

**********

Two hours later I was sitting in Carol's office trying to convince him to give me a long term pilot slot. Carol was a grey fox morph and lead pilot for the company I worked for. He was the one who hired me years back and I was grateful for the job he had given me. Now I needed him the favor to bail me out of my situation.

"So let me get this straight, you've done your three year tour and your max time as a deep space pilot and you want me to give you a regular run to mars and back." He asked me as he looked at me taking a drag off his cigar. "All because you need to get away, Am I right so far?" He asked and I nodded yes ashamed of myself now that I heard it being said. "Marcus I know you well enough that you're not in trouble with the law, and your smart enough with credits not to get into debt, so that leave me thinking that your running away from a female."

"Pretty pathetic isn't?" I said softly.

"Normally I would say yes, but come from you I can understand. She quit a lovely creature that roommate of yours."

"Ex-roommate." I started the caught on what he had just said. "How the hell did you find out?" I asked and then the look he gave me said it all. "Alex" I said with a sigh.

"That and I noticed the way you looked at her a couple month ago when she came to pick you from." Carol said with a chuckle. "Look Marcus normally I would tell someone that they need to go chase after what you want, but I heard from Alex that she has a mate. Not to mention that legally I can't put you on another deep range mission." He said and I was about to say something but she stopped me. "However, we just took delivery of a new ship with better shielding."

I looked at Carol and raised an eyebrow. I had heard that there was a company out there that had been designing a ship that was better suited for human's to fly in as well as crew. I just hadn't thought that there was one built yet let alone one that the company I flew for would get one. However, it seemed that we did and it looked like Carol was going to give me a shot at flying her.

"Now she not the best looking ship in the world seeing it got a lot more shielding on it, but I think you'd be happy with it." He told me handing me a tablet. "In there is all the information that you will need to fly her. Now there only one stipulation in me letting you take over duties as pilot on this ship." He said.

"What's that?" I asked looking up at him after I skimmed over the data on the ship in front of me.

"Insurance and the builder of the company require that you take a Morph with you as backup." He told me. I'm sure he already knew what my reaction was going to be to this because it was clear on the face he was waiting for me to blow up. However, I didn't.

"Fine, as long as I can stay on the ship when I'm not on a mission. That is until I can find quarters on the station." I told him.

"Fair enough." Carol nodded in agreement. "You're first officer is already at the ship now and is expecting you." He told me as I started to get up but then looked at him puzzled.

"You knew I was coming here today about a job like this didn't you?" I asked accusingly.

"Maybe, maybe not, but I'm not telling." Carol said then chuckled as I headed towards the door. "Just one more thing before you head up to the station Marcus. Tell Lilia how you feel."

"I can't do that Carol and you know it. I love her to much to let her know how I feel now what Damon makes her so happy." I said looking at the door in front of me. "Besides I had my chance to let her know how I felt many time before now and never took it. It's too late now. "

"You never know unless you try my boy." Carol said with a tone in his voice like he knew something that I didn't.

"I talk to you later and let you know when we are ready for our first trip." I said finally walking out his door.

*****************

It was evening by the time I got up to the station, but up here all time switched to Zulu time so it was already early into the next day by the stations time clock. That was one of the downsides about doing this type of work. If you thought it was help for an airline pilot, try being a space pilot. It was going to take almost a week if not more to get my body adjust to the ships new time clock. It was a small price to pay compared to the real reason I was up here.

First time that I had to do once I got on the station was go through a complete physical. They had to make sure that my body was ready for this work. I knew I had nothing to worry about. I was young and healthy and kept myself in shape. However, it needed to be done. Not that it wasn't unpleasant to have an attractive female do the exam. Or at least I thought it would be until I saw who the doctor was. Another Red Panda Morph, which was similarly colored like Lilia. The somewhat good mood that I had been in ever since I got my new job, was now gone as soon as she walked in.

"Okay Marcus, let have a look and see if there are wrong about human being in space longer than three years." She said with a soft smile that reminded me so much of Lilia.

The next hour was very awkward at least for me. As far as I knew this could have been a relative of Lilia's and if that was the case then there was no doubt that she would tell her where I was. You see she had no doubt figured out that I was not coming back because she had tried to call me several times since I took off from the space port. I of course didn't answer her, and just erased her text and voice mails she left. Yeah I know it heartless but I was trying to break away from her and that part of my life completely. Then again I wondered why she was even worrying if I was returning or not she had a male in her life. She didn't need a coward like me that was running from her.

"Alright Marcus we're done here. You can get dressed." The doctor said.

"So did I pass?" I asked putting on my new flight suit.

"For now you did, but I'm suppose to check you again when you return." She said.

"Okay." I said finish getting dressed and heading out.

"Good luck Captain." She said with a warm smile.

***************

After leaving the med bay I headed for the docks. It didn't take me long to find my ship, and when I got my first look at her through the station window. My first thoughts where just how ugly she looked but how beautiful she was as well. She was my ticket to a new life, and it was one I was all to egger to get started with. I made my way to the airlock and pressed my palm on the security pad. The computer recognized my DNA and opened the doors. I stepped into the bridge that connected the station to the ship. The Clear dome top of the bridge let me look out into space and get a better feel for my new ship.

It was a short walk to the ship, and after climbing a few steps up to the bridge I soon located my first officer. A dark brown furred female mouse morph, she was currently bent over the side of her chair working on something and cussing left and right about some issue. I couldn't help but get a nice look at her firm heart shape tail. Of course the last thing I wanted to do was get caught ogling her like that. We were going to work together after all. So I cleared my throat to get her attention.

I must have startled her because she moved to quickly in attempt to stand and bumped her head on the dash as she tried to stand. She about fell on that nice ass of hers but I moved quickly and caught her. She was quite a bit shorter than myself as I was able to see the top of her head to make sure that she didn't bust her head open or anything.

"You can let go now." Her soft voice finally reached my ears.

"Oh right." I said not realizing till now that one of my arms was right across her firm chest. "You alright?" I asked as I quickly let go of her making sure that she was steady before letting go completely.

"I'm fine thanks." She said turning to look at me. It was clear on her face that she was embarrassed by what just happen. "So you must be the human I'm going to be working with." She said her voice still soft.

"Yeah, I'm Marcus." I said offering her my hand in greetings.

"It's nice to meet you Captain." She said taking my hand timidly at first. "My name Victoria, but most people call my Vicky." She said then let go of my hand quickly.

"It nice to meet you Vicky, that is if I can call you Vicky?" I asked and she nodded her head. "Well then please their no need to the Captain bit we are a team so please just call me Marcus okay." She nodded again.

I hadn't had much dealing with Mice Morphs but from what I have had the females tended to by shy and timid. Vicky was acting just like the rest of her race, and to be honest I was grateful that she was the one going to be my XO on this ship. The last thing I needed was to be set with a more dominating race of Morph. I looked around the bridge for a moment and notice that it was only slightly bigger than some of the old cockpits of some jumbo jets from Earths past. Not to big but not to small either. The front to two seats had the same instrument cluster. The only different that came in was the right seat was able to swivel around the side to the engineering station behind it. Most of the system where automated but the option to override them was there none the less.

After getting the lay of the land so to speak I looked back to Vicky and noticed that she was standing at the cabin door and seemed to be waiting for me. I looked at her in the eye for a moment before she turned her gaze to the deck at her feet. This was something that we were going to work on.

"If you're ready Marcus I can show you to your cabin." She said.

"That's fine Vicky I think I can find it on my own, if you've got other things to do please don't let me hold you up." I told her with a warm smile. She looked up at me and smiled back at me for a moment then nodded. She turned and headed off to another part of the ship.

It wasn't hard to find my cabin, which just happen right next to Vicky's. It was not overly big. A fold down bunk, a small desk with a communication screen on it. My bags where already on my bed so I started to unpack putting all my stuff where I thought it should be. I brought out a picture of Alex, myself and Lilia. As much as I didn't want to be reminded of her I could not bring myself to throw away the picture. It was from a time when things where less complicated and care free. As I kept unpacking I heard Vicky voice over the intercom.

"Marcus you've got a call coming in." She said.

"Okay Vicky can you put it to my cabin." I told her and kept unpacking.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROMBLEM." A voice yelled at me once the call came through. I groaned knowing full well who it was.

"Alex, don't even start with me alright. I did what I thought was right." I told him putting away one a shirt in the draw then turning to face the screen.

"Don't give me that, you ran away. Lilia called me not an hour after you left crying her eyes out that you left and was not coming back. Please tell that you are coming back." He pleaded.

"Alex I can't, I can't deal with seeing her everyday knowing that she going to be mated to someone else." I told him.

"Then fight for her you idiot, don't run away like a damn coward." Alex snapped back.

"What do you expect me to do, challenge Damon to be her mate. Yeah like that will work. I'll end up in traction for months if not dead." I told him rolling my eyes. "I'm only human Alex I can't stand up to Damon or any other Morph for that matter."

"So you run away into space get a ship of your own and a pretty little female mouse morph as your fist officer. Sure that make you feel like a big man having a female around you that would never tell you no." He said being a smart ass.

"It not like that Alex and you know it. The company insurance and the government require a morph to be here with me. It's not my choice that who it is let alone whether their male or female." I snapped back.

"Whatever, look I think what you are doing is stupid, and whether you believe it or not Lilia is very upset and hurt that you left. So much that she had a huge fight with Damon over you or so she tells me. From what I gathered she very close to telling him their done and it's all because of you." Alex told me.

I leaned forward in my chair and put my face in my hands groaning. I did the one thing that I swore I would never do and that was to cause Lilia to be unhappy. I really hated myself right now, but I knew that couldn't let this get me any further down than I already was. I lifted my head and looked at Alex on the other side of the screen.

"Look Alex, tell her to not throw away her chance at happiness because of someone like me. I hate that fact that I'm the reason that her and Damon had a fight but to be honest the guy was an ass, I just never said anything because all I ever wanted for her was to be happy."

"So you didn't say anything, so typical of you." He said which I only nodded. "Well guess what Marcus. You fail measurably in that task. She very upset over the fight with her and Damon and she downright ticked off at you for just up and walking out on her like you did." He told me.

That got me to pause, why the hell was she pissed off at me and only upset over her fight with Damon. Was there something going on that I didn't know about? What was going on that Alex was keeping me in the dark on. As I thought about all this I heard Vicky call to me from the flight deck.

"Marcus we are ready to depart in five minutes." She said over the intercom.

"Alright Vicky I'll be up there in a minute, go ahead and start our prelaunch checks." I replied.

"Already on it." She said, I could have sworn heard her smirk on the other end.

"Look Alex I'm about to launch, so I need to get going."

"Fine, but you better keep me informed when you're coming back." He said crossing his arms over his chest. "Anything you want me to tell Lilia?" He asked.

Yeah there were plenty of things that I wanted him to tell Lilia, but for the life of me I drew a blank. I mean what could I have him tell her after running away from her and heading back into space. I shook my head and said the first thing that came to mind.

"I think you know what to tell her Alex." I said, "I'll call you when we reach Mars."

"Right I'll make sure to give her your undying love." He said with a smirk killed the line.

"Alex wait!" I said trying to get him back but it was no use, the line was dead, and now surly the cat was out of the bag so to speak.

I groaned to myself due to my best friends actions. I knew that he thought he was doing me a favor but to be honest it was a secret and I didn't want him telling her. However, there was nothing I could do about it now. Vicky and I needed to get this new bird in the air and on hopefully her first of many trips. I got up from my desk and headed for the flight deck.

"All systems ready to go and control has already given us departure clearance." Vicky said as I strapped into the pilot seat.

"Great let see what this girl can do." I smiled trying to push what just happen behind me.