Memories - Coming Out
A unique coming out story
Preface: Here, we join Xandar Biax about halfway through his freshman year of college. He is pledging the top Fraternity on campus. He has just gone through one of the toughest nights of his life in the pledge ship process, and he has ultimately chosen to keep his sexuality a secret until after he gets initiated after hearing how some of the brothers talk about the other open gay guys around campus. But he feels awful about keeping such a huge secret away from those that he is closest to.
"Man that was some rough shit that we just went through," Xandar finally let out this sigh of relief after not being able to say or do anything for a whopping eight hours. He was just hoping to break the silence and get his pledge class back to where they would talk to each other like usual, but instead everyone just silently nodded in agreement. Xandar was one of the smaller, more average, and more quiet member of his hodgepodge pledge class that includes a plethora of different species; at around 5 ft. 7 and 155 pounds. He was just one of "the guys" and blended in and got along with everybody in the pledge class and was ultimately the reason why most of his pledge brothers made it through. You see, Xandar always had a way with people; he couldn't talk in front of large crowds, but he was almost always able to get his way or his way of thinking in any one on one situation. He is kind, understanding, non-judgmental, and surprisingly knowledgeable for how long he has lived on this Earth. "Anybody want to go out for a little late night snack?" said the exhausted and starving Xandar, "my treat!" Of course as soon as he said this almost everyone was willing and able to go even after such a long and terrible night, but he decided to take his long time best friend Teague, who at the time, even though Xandar hates to admit it, a rather large and rather sexy brown bear. Xandar never thought the he could ever have feelings for him since they have been best friends for so long, and because he isn't very fond of bears. But that is a story for another time ^_~. He and Xandar got their food and went back to the dorm room where the spent the next couple of hours just discussing the events that had just unfolded right before their eyes, minus sometime that Teague spent talking about all of the sexy ladies on campus which Xandar quietly listened too and reaffirmed with a sigh. "Bro but did you see the ass on that cute bunny that we saw in Chemistry 101 class today?!" he said quite proud of his sighting. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. She looks the same as every other chick on this campus - clearly out of your league!" Xandar rebutted jokingly. Needless to say the two of these guys were the absolute closest of friends, but this comment just kind of killed the mood and it was already four in the morning and the both of them had to be up early that weekend to finish up requirements for completing pledge ship, which was ending in approximately two weeks.
So this day begins with community service that started at 10AM and lasted until 4pm that afternoon. Xandar and the guys were granted a one hour "break" to shower and eat and meet back down out the house to begin their requirements for the evening. Needless to say, the pledge class was full of clamour, questions, and fears about what was going to go on tonight. We were instructed to also review our learned material because there was to be one final test that we absolutely had to pass in order to get initiated into the Fraternity. "I don't know if I can follow through with this man, the stress and suspense is killing me" stated one pledge brother. This caused uproar within the pledge class itself because they were all thinking the same thing, but he was the first one to actually say something about it. "Yeah man I don't know if I can make it through another two weeks of this shit!" Heads were shaking all around in agreement. Finally Xandar piped up in defiance," we've all made it this far together, why should we stop now? We have already invested too much time into this to all just quit now." It was a small, but effective announcement; effective because this was the first time that Xandar actually worked up the courage to address the guys as a whole. They all got excited and reaffirmed that they were all in it together, one for all and all for one! After several grueling hours later, it was finally revealed that tonight was all just a trick and that initiation night was tonight, and everyone made it through and was greeted the only way one should be greeted into a Fraternity; with open arms and hands full of liquor. Xandar was a bit skeptical about drinking in celebration because he had only really drank one time before and he was unsure of how much he could handle before he would either pass out or black out. But he went for it anyway because he had finally done it. He was in the top Fraternity on campus and he was feeling on top of the world. All of his brothers loved each and every individual.
Drinking gave Xandar the courage to do what he felt was necessary from the beginning - he was finally going to tell all of his new brothers that he was gay, and they were all going to love and respect him for his choice, or so he thought. He decided the best way to accomplish his goal would be to tell people in small groups or one on one, situations he is best and feels most comfortable in. The first group of brothers all just kind of stared at each other, either in awe or disbelief. "You are such a funny fucker! I'm glad we initiated such a sense of humor into our brotherhood." Said one of the older members are he spilled beer all over himself and Xandar while he poked him in the chest. Another said "you are just saying that because you are just too drunk and you need to go to bed and not drink anymore. "Which are the answers he expected living in Alabama around the Bible belt. But Xandar remained adamant about his true self. He slowly and methodically moved around and told everyone there that night, everyone but Teague. Xandar wanted to save him for last because of how close they have been for a very long time and he didn't want to lose him as a best friend and brother.
Xandar waited and planned for a good week about how he was going to do it, and looking back on it, he clearly chose the wrong way to go about it. His plan was to invite Teague to a movie and tell him afterwards so that he would be in good spirits and not really be all that upset, plus being in public meant that Teague wouldn't just completely flip out if he was to get offended. He had it all planned out, all the way down to the drinks and snacks that he bought for the both of them. However there was a problem, Xandar had completely forgotten that it was Teague's birthday and that Teague had thought this was his birthday present all along. Xandar felt like absolute shit for forgetting that it was his best friend's birthday, but his mind was preoccupied with planning on how he was going to reveal his true self to Teague. "It is too late to change plans now; I have to follow through with it now!" Xandar said to himself in a low enough voice, from what he thought, before the movie started. "What was that? What plans?" Teague said with quite the curiosity; thinking that it was more birthday surprises. And boy was it a surprise indeed. The plan was going to complete shit so Xandar just went for it, he confessed his deepest, darkest secret and started to cry in the movie theatre thinking that Teague was about to rip him a new one and completely just forget about him and never talk to him again because that was the stories that Xandar was used to hearing about those who come out of the closet around the Bible belt where they both are. Teague just kind of looked at him wide eyed and simply said this, "It is about damn time you said something to me about this you fairy!" The tone in his voice completely took Xandar by surprise; he wasn't angry, he wasn't upset, he said it in a joking tone! "Wait! You mean you knew all along?! And you didn't say anything to me about it?" Xandar said in complete disbelief. Teague's rebuttal was one that will always stick with him. He said "I didn't see it as a big deal; you are who you are and you always have been. Gay, straight, Bisexual, asexual, and even non sexual you are you and you are one of the most awesome guys that I know. Just promise me that you won't start wearing makeup and wearing skirts; that would just make me uncomfortable!" They both shared a laugh and Xandar stated "I would never wear that stuff, I am a guy and I like guys, im not a chick!" They finished their movie and they have never been closer.
Xandar felt absolutely indestructible, which led him to dabble in other "fun things." He began to smoke weed and take prescription painkillers recreationally. "It is just a phase; it's fun; nothing bad will come of it," were often the excuses that he told himself. Ultimately he regrets every pill that he took, and every puff that he took, but he knows he can't change the past and that things happen for a reason. Xandar felt on top of the world and a huge relief that he had finally revealed his true self to those he loved most and he was on a constant rolling high, but in his living and having fun he forgot about the two who are putting him through college; his dad and his stepmom. He came home one weekend, going through withdrawals and incredibly nervous because he was not sure how his parents would react to him coming out of the closet to them. He had always loved and looked up to his father and his worst fear was that he would grow up to let his father down in some way. Xandar had it made up in his mind that this was what was going to let his father down the most so he decided it would be best to talk to his stepmom first because she seemed to be calmer and chill about any situation. They were already really close because she adopted him after his biological mom just abandoned him. As far as he was concerned, she was "mom." The night before he was planning on coming out to his step mom, she was cleaning his room and found his pipe while he was out hanging out with old high school friends. She confronted him when he got back home. "Where did you get this?! And how long have you been smoking pot?!" she demanded. Xandar was awestruck and pissed off that she would go through his room like that. "That is an invasion of my privacy, mom! Why would you just go digging through my stuff like that!" She calmly retorted with "My house; my rules. And besides, my pipe is way better." She wanted him to smoke with her sometime and bond over that more than what they were. This was how he was going to tell her, while they were both baked. He knew it wasn't the best plan ever but it seemed right at the time. He revealed to his stepmom that he was gay and made her promise not to tell his father because he did not want to be disowned in anyway what so ever. She kept his secret and wasn't surprised because "mothers know all" and she loved the idea of having a gay son.
She had issues from the very beginning, but it took Xandar sometime to put the pieces together. She was constantly in a zombie like state at night when his dad would leave, and she was gone for weeks at a time and his father just seemed to die little by little each time. His dad finally told him that she was a drug addict and that she was constantly in and out of rehabs. Since she was constantly in and out of rehabs and always fine after she was hospitalized, it just became another norm to him and his family. She would always make a recovery and then relapse. That was, until the night she over dosed and died in her sleep. Xandar was responsible for the pain medications that she overdosed on that night. He took a bribe of half the pills if she could get the other half. He always and will forever regret the decisions he made that night. He never got the chance to say goodbye. This sent Xandar into a downhill spiral in which he would drink all the time, and cries himself to sleep at night.
Xandar's mom never told his father his secret, and Xandar never told his dad that it was his fault that she got into her medicine that night. He decided to turn his life around. He was going to quit drugs, quit smoking, and tell his father who he really was. Xandar and his father were just chilling in his dads man cave about 4 months after the death of his mom. His dad was the first to break the silence, "So y'know, just before your mother died, she said that she had something very important to tell me. And she made me promise not to get angry or upset. I agreed, but I wasn't ready for what she told me." "What did she tell you dad?" Xandar said; clearly unaware of the situation at hand. "She told me that you were gay and that you were afraid to tell me because you thought I'd hate and disown you. I'd just like to let you know that no matter what, you will always be my son. Besides, it's not like you are running around in makeup and skirts right?" "You would be correct there old-man!" They both laughed and hugged it out and his dad kissed him on the forehead reaffirming what he had already said and they both went to bed. Xandar lied awake for most of the night just thinking about everything. About how he came out to his brothers, his parents, and how he missed his mom, but even though she is dead, she still helped him out when he needed it the most.
I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope i improved upon my last writing. My first time trying to use dialog as well. I hope i didn't make it too boring. Don't be afraid to comment what you like / don't like and advice. I'm really good with criticism. Also, in writing this I developed at least two other more "adult" writings the will be entitled "Memories - First loves" and "Memories - Unexpected Encounters." Stay Furry My Friends ^_~