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Jerry paused, tossing his head to flip his mane out until it laid out over his bare shoulders. He took a measured sip from a comically large white cappucino mug, peering at Khad for a moment.

"So, let me get this straight. The guy of your dreams picks you up, invites you to his gym, says all the right things and gives you the first you've had in years, and you're trying to decide if you should go BACK? Dude, I wouldn't even think it was a question!"

Khad shook his head, sipping at his chai, sighing and slumping his shoulders. "But that's the problem. I don't know what it all means. Is he just doin' it for business, or does he get some trip off hard cases like me, or is he just lookin for a fucktoy, or is he some kinda stalker, or is it something more? I'm excited as hell, and I'm scared shitless, both because this is everything I wanted. It's like a dream, and I'm scared I won't wake up."

Jerry took another sip, giving Khad a sage look as he considered his next words. "Khad, listen. You're not looking at this the right way. So he may not be Mr. Right, but I'll tell ya this: I haven't seen ya this happy in a while, and if he makes ya feel good and you feel good about yourself, then why the fuck not. Mr. Right Now is good enough for me."

Khad choked, in mid-sip, snorting a little of his tea. "You fucker, you just _had_ to wait until I had a mouthful before saying that, didn'tya?"

Jerry smirked. "Well, it's only fair, since your mystery bear had a mouthful earlier."

Khad rolled his eyes. "Okay, Jer, you can cut it out now. Yeah, it's real funny. You're just seein the headlines on the Guardian, "Captain Sarcastic Gets Some. In other news, Hell has frozen over." Seriously, though, I don't know what to do. If he's just using me, it'd be worse than if it hadn't happened at all."

Jerry shrugged. "Then don't take it so seriously. Have fun. Work out. Get sweaty. Take whatcha can. There's nothin' wrong with bein' a slut, as long as you're a safe slut."

"Hmmm. Are you volunteering to be my role-model?" the tiger retorted with a smirk.

"It depends, dear. You think you're up to bein' in my league?"

They both broke down laughing at that, drawing stares from a couple of the other patrons, who soon turned back to their own little worlds.

*********

"Okay, guys, unless you've got a key you gotta get goin'. I'm closin' early tonight." Josh's voice boomed out across the gym, not needing a loudspeaker.

Zack, an otter in just a pair of nylon shorts and low sneakers, was just finishing up a set of leg presses. "Whassup, you feelin' okay?" he pouted as he stood up, grabbing his towel.

Josh fixed a glare at the otter, making him shrink back a bit. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm here 7 days a week, can't I take some time off for myself a bit? Don't worry, I'll be here tomorrow morning, if you can still walk."

Dean, who'd peeked in, snorted at that. "Yeah, though you didn't seem ta be complainin' last time. Say hi to your wolf from me."

Zack tossed his towel over his shoulder, turning in a huff toward the locker room. He turned and looked over his shoulder with a grin. "Not a problem. I needed ta head out anyway."

As the otter vanished into the locker room, Dean padded out and looked up at the bear. "Everything's all wrapped up out front, door's locked and the sign's out. Mikey said it'd be okay if you wanted to have dinner with us tonight."

Josh looked down at his friend. "But... I didn't even ask..."

Dean grinned, putting one of his fingers to the bear's nose. "I've known you _how_ long, and biblically, no less? If I couldn't tell something was gnawing at you, what kinda friend would I be?"

Josh shook his head. "Nah, you're right. I've not really been too subtle about this."

Dean nodded. "Though I don't think the other guys noticed. It's that tiger, Khad, isn't it? What's bugging you?"

Josh shrugged. "Not really sure. But let's talk about it over dinner. There's enough of my private life around the gym as it is."

Karl chuckled from where he was warming up again, drawing a glare from fox and bear. The rhino just shook his head. "Whatever it is, I hope ya get it figured out, boss. I'll make sure everything's locked up before I head out. I'll prolly be the last one out tonight anyway."

"Good. Don't work yourself too hard, and you've got my cell if anything comes up. Last thing I want is for you to pull something before your comp. Who knows, I may be back before you head out."

Karl shook his head bashfully. "Don't think so. Wife's having a few friends over for a party and wants me to 'put in an appearance'", he added the last in falsetto, "so I can't stay here 'til midnight again. But if anything comes up, I'll call ya or leave a note in the office."

Josh nodded with a bit of a smile, then turned to Dean again. "So, you ready to go?"

"Ready as I'll ever be. Let's go."

* * * * * * * *

Josh stood at the doorway to the loft, looking in at a style that could only be described as "Post-Modern Homosexual". The walls and floor were white, as was the leather couch and recliner. Matching endtables, coffee table, dining set, and entertainment center dominated most of the rest of the room, in black steel and glass. Cubist modern art occupied the walls, and plants well-kept enough they could easily be mistaken for plastic added a sense of life to the main living area. Upstairs in a half-loft Dean and Mikey were discussing dinner.

"I think Chez Martinique is a good choice!" complained a shrill-toned voice out of sight, as drawes opened and closed, and the edges of clothing flung about could be seen over the railing.

"Both Josh and I had big workouts today, and you know that means we need lots of protein. Besides, have you ever tried to have a serious conversation about sex and stuff at Martinique?" Dean's voice was deeper, but just as animated, the two of them old hands at squabbling.

"Why yes, I have, dear. I was steady with the maitre'd before I met you. He and I used to flirt all the time." A smug tone permeated the response, while Dean's exasperated sigh was likely punctuated with a shaking head.

"This is serious," Dean countered with a flat tone. "Josh is like family to me, and... something's got him rattled. Can we PLEASE go to the North 40? I promise, we'll go to Martinique on Friday and make your old beau jealous as hell, okay, love?"

Josh chuckled and shook his head. Those two squabbled like an old married couple. They might as well be, given they'd been together two, almost three years. He looked at his watch, if only for an excuse to jump into the conversation.

"We've got 15 minutes before I get hungry enough to eat one of you two! And aren't we boycotting the French this time of year anyway?" He smirked as a pair of muzzles peeked over the edge of the balcony, followed by a firmly thrown linen pillow.

"We're trying to decide your future, lug, so butt out!" All three laughed, and finally the two foxes came downstairs.

Dean was dressed in what passed for casual for him - khakis, black sneakers, and a polo shirt, like a cover model for the casual wear issue of GQ. Mikey, on the other hand, was a study in contrasts. Bright white fur, long and shaggy, was wrapped in all black - baggy black cutoffs with far too many pockets, tall black Doc Martins laced to mid-calf, black leather gloves, black t-shirt and a double-breasted vest worn over that. His head glinted from a handful of piercings, making Josh wince to think about how some of them were put in, though apparently the stud in his tongue was a "wonderful sex toy", as Dean put it one night.

Josh just shrugged and gave them an apologetic grin. "Now, if you two have plotted and schemed about me enough, we should get food. I wasn't kidding - I could eat one of you two and have room for the other for dessert."

Dean gave him a punch to the shoulder and shook his head. "Still want me that bad, huh, lug?"

Josh just rolled his eyes, giving Mikey a wink. "According to someone here, I can have you whenever I want. So there."

Mikey looked up at the big bear and scowled. "Hey, you leave me out of this! And remember the deal..."

"Yeah, yeah. You'll get a copy of the tape, don't worry." Dean's eyes went wide at that, looking from smug smirk to practiced innocent expression.

"Et tu, Mikay?" he asked in mock seriousness, then shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder about you two. Let's go. If we wait much longer we'll end up sitting at the bar."

The three of them walked a couple blocks, Dean and Mikey catching up on the events of the day, Josh thinking about Khad and their talk earlier. He mulled over that wry smile, the pained look behind his expression, the longing and fear, and wondered why he was even involved. Before he realied, they were at the front of the North 40, a steakhouse and cowboy bar on the outskirts of the gay district. "Best meat in town" was scrawled in neon and glass above the door, a joke that was often wasted on out of towners.

The three of them were shown to a table, "back in the corner where we won't bug anyone," as Dean asked the host in the denim, chaps, vest and Stetson, who only replied with a wink and a nod. Soon they were in their own little world, looking across the table at each other. Drinks were served, a beer for Josh, a diet cola for Dean and a cosmopolitan for Mikey.

"So, what is it about that kid?" Den started, getting an elbow in the ribs from Mikey.

"Subtle. Real subtle." Mikey observed dryly, making Josh chuckle a bit.

"I really don't know. I could tell he almost had to be dragged out to come to the gym, and I don't have time for another kid around the place. And the last thing I need is another guy who needs a therapist like we need water. But there's something about him... I dunno what it is. I wanna help the kid, but there's a lot more than that." Josh peered into his glass for a moment before taking a couple swallows.

"Well, judging from the look on your face when you walked out, I'd say you already know how good he looks naked, and knowing you, how his cock feels on your tongue. Wasn't that how we met?"

Mikey jabbed Dean in the ribs again, and instead of the expected grin, Josh just shrugged. "Yeah. I gave him a full massage, let him doze for a bit, and gave him a blow job. Normally I try not to mix business and pleasure, current company excepted," he gave a firm look to Dean, "but this was different. I'm no stranger to locker rooms and one-night stands and blowjobs after competitions and stuff, but this was something new. He brought something up in me that, well, that I haven't felt in ages."

Mikey reached over and wrapped a paw around Dean's muzzle before he could make another smart-assed comment. "You've mentioned this "long time ago" stuff before and always clammed up about it. I know you don't like to talk about it, but I think that if there was ever a time..." Dean nodded as Mikey let go of his muzzle.

Josh took another couple swallows from his bear, nearly draining it. "I've always been into the gym set. I was a jock in high school, a jock in college, and now I make my living as a pro jock, making other jocks better jocks. But there was something else..." He paused for a bit, then stood up, lowering his shorts a little to reveal a patch of thinned fur.

"You asked me about this once, and I told you it was an old injury. It wasn't a lie, really, but it wasn't an accident." He took his seat again, resting his head on both hands, elbows propped on the table, his voice distant as his eyes focused on something n another time.

"You've heard me rag on the leather scene, all the bottom boys and wannabe mini-Hitlers all wrapped up in leather they didn't earn. I was a part of that, longer than I should've been, I think sometimes. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I dunno if it was all that good for me."

Dean looked thoughtfully at Josh, considering. His eyes widened as a realization dawned. "That... that was a slave mark, wasn't it?"

Josh nodded, slowly. "Yeah. When I was first in college, I met this badger, Master Toby, at a bar. I had a fake ID, and was all full of myself, wanting to see what this scene was like. I'd heard you could pick up a cocksucker free and do whatcha wanted to him and he'd just thank ya and ask for more. So I got two beers in me and started looking around."

"You ever seen one of those people, who walk into a room and everyone notices him? The sort who never has to step around people because they just unconsciously get out of his way? This was what Master Toby was like. He knew what he wanted, and he would get it with no one standing in his way. And damn me if I didn't catch his eye."

Dean shook his head, Mikey just watching in understanding, not adding anything.

"It's hard to imagine you a bottom, especially like that, Josh. I mean, really..." Dean finally said, finding words.

"Yeah. A lot of who I am, and who I'm not, I owe to Master Toby. I'm pretty sure if I hadn't met him, hadn't been put through what he put me through, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'd be a washed up 'roid monkey rentboy, having blew my success on arrogance and drugs. But some of what he took from me, I don't know if I can forgive him for."

"For a year and a half, I had three lives. I was a student, workin' hard to keep a B average, I was a wrestler and weightlifter, and I was his boy. His slave. My sophomore year I wore a chain collar with a lock on it around my neck, and only he had the key. I was so focused, so driven, that I could do anything. He proved to me just what I was capable of, and sometimes it scared me. My junior year, I moved in with him."

"All was great for the first few months, then things started to go wrong. He got more and more demanding, and I started letting my schoolwork slide to keep him happy, but that only pissed him off more. He had me branded as his property on our third anniversary, on a sling in the bar where we'd first met. Things were going great, I thought, but we were just havin some trouble adjusting."

"Then came Christmastime. My folks wanted me to come home for the holidays, and Master Toby had already planned a big play party to ring in the new year.. literally. He had a handfull of jewelry he was gonna put in me that would've been the end of my wrestling career. We argued, we yelled, we threw things... and then he took a swing at me."

He closed his eyes for a moment, fighting back a tear. "Badgers have big nasty claws, you both know that. He caught me across the shoulder, big gouges. I let fly with a cut across his jaw, broke it in four places and damned near about snapped his neck. But that didn't down him. He grabbed a poker by the fireplace and took a swing at me. Broke my damned arm, too, but I got a grip around his throat and just squeezed until he passed out."

"I made three calls that night. One was to the school, telling them I was in an accident and had to postpone the next semester. One was to my parents, who I told to pick my stuff up. The third was to the cops, turning myself in."

Mikey reached out a paw to rest it on Josh's arm, a pained but sympathetic look on his face. Dean just shuddered in revulsion.

"The trial wasn't as big as I expected it to be. My parents picked my stuff up, paid for the surgery, then disowned me when they realized what I was to this man they'd saved me from. Master Toby got 10 years for assault and attempted murder, and died in prison. His friends in the scene never forgave me, and I transferred schools across the country. I vowed I wasn't going to let anyone get me that vulnerable again."

"So I moved off to school on the west coast, and finished my junior year. That summer, working as a pizza delivery boy, I got an order for a party in an old house outside town. Turns out it was a play party, and they were catering pizza for the dungeon. It took all i could to keep from running, but then I realized that if I did, I was just going to be letting Master Toby run my life still. So I got to talking. Talk turned to an invitation. An invitation turned to regular parties. Regular parties turned into me having a boy of my own for my last six months."

"We still write back and forth - he's a lawyer in Boston now, doin' good for himself. I'm proud of him, but I swore that once I knew he was okay, I'd never think about this again. Not on either side of the leash."

Mikey took Josh's hand for a moment, Dean just at a loss for words. "And this tiger you mentioned, Khad, he's bringing all this up again. In fact, I bet you thought about having a boy again. Having him as your boy. From the moment you saw him in the club."

Josh looked suddenly pained, like he'd been struck, eyes looking back and forth in a moment of panic. "Is it that obvious? Judging from Dean's dazed look, I'd say the entire notion of me in the leather community at all seems wrong..."

Mikey smiled a bit, holding Josh's paw firmly in his own. "Luv, I'm a designer. It's my job to understand the people I work with, to make sure their homes and offices reflect who they really are. I knew from the moment I saw you that you had been "in the scene", and that you wouldn't ever really be happy until you were in it again. I remember the look on your face when I mentioned you should put a little "play space" in that loft you have over the gym. I just didn't know how badly it'd hurt you."

Josh nodded, silently, a tear running down his cheek. "The worst part is, I don't know if the kid even likes me. I mean, yeah, there was that "I wannabe fucked NOW" look he gave me at the club, but fuck, I dunno if he'd even be into the scene at all, let alone in it for a guy like me. And I could fuck him up so bad..."

Mikey shook his head. "Shhhh. Just relax. This isn't something you have to decide right now. I'll make a bet, though, that he'll be back tomorrow. Just take it easy, work with him slowly, get to know him. You're not as bad a judge of character as you think - I mean, you saw through the cocky arrogant preppy exterior of this boy here, and that can take some doing." Finally Dean snapped out of his stunned silence and just glared at his lover for a moment before softening into a smile.

"It also might help to start getting back into the scene around here. Just get seen and such, and get comfortable with it again. And you've got both our numbers if you ever need anyone to talk to."

Josh smiled a bit, wiping the tear from his fur. "Thanks, both of ya. I dunno what I'd do without you."

Dean looked up and away from the table for a moment. "We should tone the convo down. Waiter approaching."

Josh nodded, and they settled down to some casual banter, ordering dinner and hitting on the waiter. The night was definitely looking up.