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Kevin Stair had not gone through the looking glass. There were no more shakeups, no more surprises. Of Trista they heard nothing. Kevin had made inquiries at the college registrar; she had dropped out and as far as anyone knew, disappeared. He doubted the police had kept tabs on her, so he didn't bother asking them. Besides, Howl and Sunrise weren't people Kevin wanted to see ever again.

Two weeks passed. Charlie healed. His sprain was forgotten, the bruising changed colors and faded. His arm and ribs were rapidly improving. He seemed to be his old self, at least as far as Kevin could tell. The tension between them eased and at times, it almost seemed as if the past had never happened. But all too often, it wasn't their past that made their relationship awkward, it was his resemblance to Herbert. More times than he could count he reminded himself that Charlie was not Herbert. It didn't always help.

Sheila and George were constantly around, if not underfoot. Kevin still couldn't figure out what was going on there. He might have asked, but his chance of getting a straight answer was zero, so he didn't bother. He just accepted it with a shrug and put it out of his mind.

It was a Friday afternoon when he found himself in his office. His computer was on, a Word file open. Words were spread across it. His fingers were on the keys, but they didn't move. His eyes moved over what was there, the beginnings of an outline for a novel, but already, he knew it was no good.

The truth was words had long since abandoned him. He would never admit it to anyone, but the last two novels he'd submitted were rejects from when Herbert was still alive. They hadn't been good enough to even show to anyone then, and now they had only been accepted on his name. He didn't have anything left, though. He was finished and he couldn't admit it to anyone but himself.

He'd come close during that dinner with Jamie, he might have told Jamie if the panda hadn't been there. He had almost told him when he suggested he team with Wes, but he hadn't been able to. He didn't know if it was fear, shame, or wounded pride, but whatever the reason, he pretended he had more in him.

He could stop. He had no contract commitments, he could live off his and Herbert's royalties for the rest of his life if need be, not to mention the money Herbert had left him. It had been a substantial sum. Gabriel had left him well taken care of and Herbert had passed it on.

Maybe he loved writing too much. Or maybe writing was so tied up with his identity he couldn't not do it. Whatever the reason, he ensorcelled himself in his office and alternated between forcing words and trying to let them come without success either way.

Someone knocked on the door. As he approached the door, he heard heavy breathing on the other side. Kevin's office was the single highest room in the building, so that didn't give a clue as to who was on the other side. Everyone breathed heavily by the time they reached the top. He opened the door.

Wes stood on the other side, his hands on his knees and his sides heaving. As the door opened, he looked up and said, "How do you stay so fat climbing up here every day?" between gasping breaths.

"I eat like a bear in autumn. You want to sit down?"

Kevin wasn't sure how he felt about the panda showing up unannounced and uninvited. Regardless, he stepped aside and guided him to the chair designated for students. He returned to his seat and turned off his monitor. He sized up the young author while he waited for him to catch his breath. He hardened in his pants as thoughts of the other night came to the fore.

"I called your house, Jamie gave me your number, the guy who answered said you'd be here," Wes said.

"That's Charlie, he's a student here." Kevin regretted the explanation as soon as he'd said it. He didn't owe him an explanation, there was nothing to explain anyway, he just felt he needed to say something.

Wes raised an eyebrow and smirked, "A student, eh, Dr. Stair?"

"Not like that," Kevin said, embarrassed and irritated. Yes, let's make this as awkward as possible. "He got kicked out by his girlfriend and why am I explaining this to you?"

Wes shrugged, "Nothing wrong with keeping a boy toy or two around."

It was Kevin's turn to raise an eyebrow, though he skipped the smirk. "What do you want, Wes?" He hadn't meant to be quite so rude, but the knowing look on Wesley's face rubbed him the wrong way.

"Well," he said, leaning forward and putting his hands on Kevin's knees, "I was wondering if there was a position open on your staff." He licked his lips sensuously.

Despite his mood, Kevin was fully erect. The smell of the panda brought him back to the hotel room. His hands felt nice. He remembered other places those hands had been.

"I don't have a staff. I have a student aide, but that position is already filled and you aren't eligible anyway."

Wes slid off the chair and onto his knees, he leaned down and looked up, his hands slipped onto Kevin's thighs.

"But what about your personal staff? Maybe not a paid position, an internship?"

Kevin cleared his throat and shifted in his seat as Wes's hands traveled further. He was torn between shoving the horny panda and his sleazy come on away and grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and forcing his face into his crotch.

"I've never been one for booty calls," Kevin said.

"I've never been one for long relationships." One of Wes's hands abandoned his leg and rubbed at the outline of Kevin's erection in his pants. "You need to let out some steam," he said, "you're coiled up, tense. I could see it the second you opened the door. You need a seriously good fucking and I seem to be just the guy."

"Mr. Right Now?" Kevin said, his body frozen as the young man's hand worked his shaft through his pants.

"If you like. I was planning to discuss our suggested collaboration, but with you being so tense, I can't imagine you being able to so much as think straight. Besides, seeing you again, I can't help but think of all the things we didn't get to do, and I hate to leave anything half done."

"I don't know if that's a good idea."

"I do. What are you afraid of? Think this will complicate our relationship? Maybe it'll simplify it, ever think of that? Besides, we might not even have a relationship. The only thing that's sure right now is that I want you and you want me. Unless this is a crocodile erection."

He pulled down Kevin's zipper and reached inside. He squeezed and Kevin moaned.

"Seems pretty solid," he said. "I'm not asking you to marry me. I just want to get us off. Do you honestly have a problem with that?" He didn't wait for an answer. He pulled Kevin's erection out through his fly and buried it in his muzzle.

Kevin's body tensed. His teeth clenched, his hands curled into fists around the arms of his chair. The panda's mouth felt incredible. He felt a moan coming up his throat. Part of him still wanted to push Wes away. It was the smaller part. The tension from Charlie had been building up, and no amount of jerking off could relieve it. Maybe meaningless sex with an attractive male would do the deed. Or maybe it was as simple as Wes claimed. Two horny guys in a room. Fuck it. He let the moan escape.

Wes finished opening Kevin's pants and tugged at his waistband, his claws lightly scraping through Kevin's fur. He took his weight off his rump, and his pants slid down to his knees. Wes had to release his cock as his underwear passed, but he caught it again on the first bounce and pressed his nose to Kevin's pubic bone. Kevin clenched the fur on Wes's head, guiding it up and down on his erection. The panda moaned, his eyes closed, concentrating solely on the cock in his mouth. Once the rhythm was established, Kevin removed his hand and let Wes take over.

He watched the panda work him over with admiration. The man definitely knew his way around a cock. He caught all the right spots, concentrating on each for a few moments before moving on to another. He spat Kevin's cock into his hand and started stroking without missing a beat, then turned his head in order to give attention to his balls.

A few long licks from his perineum up served as foreplay and then he sucked the whole sack into his mouth to stroke the balls with his tongue. Kevin grasped the arms of his chair and almost lifted himself out of it.

"Shit Wes, that's good."

The panda was too polite to talk with his mouth full and the moment he dropped Kevin's balls, he took his shaft back into his mouth. After a few more minutes of that, Kevin grabbed a handful of head fur and pulled his mouth away.

"Your turn," he said. He helped Wesley to his feet and kissed him, their tongues wrestling while he wrestled with the fastening on Wesley's pants. He managed them without having to look down. They fell to the floor. He reached for his underwear, but his fingers found only fur.

Planning to discuss a collaboration, my ass, he thought.

He didn't let that slow him down. He broke the kiss and lowered himself to the floor, ignoring the creak of joints. Wes threw off his shirt and kicked off his shoes as Kevin got settled on his backside. It put him eyelevel with Wesley's equipment. He pulled his feet free from his pants and tore off his shirt. He pinched his nipples as he leaned forward and caught Wes in his mouth.

Kevin started suckling like a baby on a teat. The panda groaned and put his hand on Kevin's head. He stroked front to back for a few moments before grabbing a handful and pulling Kevin's head back so he could thrust forward. He let Wes guide his head for now. If he wanted to be in charge, that was fine with him.

At first, Wes kept his thrusts slow, but it didn't take long for him to grow impatient with the low intensity and his hips accelerated. Kevin concentrated on keeping his teeth away from the tender member in his mouth while keeping on as much pressure as he could.

Wesley was too short to reach the back of his throat, even with Kevin's nose buried deep in the fat of his crotch. By now, Wes had released his grip on Kevin's hair, trusting Kevin to continue as he would. He grasped Wesley's rear with both hands and simultaneously pulled him close while opening his mouth wide. His cock slipped into Kevin's throat. The panda groaned and held still while Kevin worked him back and forth in his throat until he felt his gag reflex finally kick in.

He pulled back and swallowed to reset it, applying some suction while he was at it, before driving him deep again. This time didn't last as long before Kevin had to take a rest. He switched to his hand, stroking with fast, firm strokes. Wes thrust his hips at the new sensation. Kevin lapped at his scrotum a few times before sucking the whole thing into his maw. Wes groaned. Kevin switched back to sucking Wes's penis. Wes took the opportunity to sit.

Kevin again let off Wes's cock in favor of his balls, his hand replacing his mouth. All too soon, Kevin's slippery saliva turned tacky. He gave up on stroking Wes's erection, instead, he lifted Wes's legs, the chair groaned as it bent back. The panda was surprised and almost lost his balance, but Kevin had a firm grip on him. It took him little effort.

Wes opened his mouth to ask a question, but before he could form the words, Kevin took a long lick from just under Wes's anus, across his ring, up his perineum, up his balls and finally to the very tip of his penis.

"Oh, fuck," was all Wes had to say. Kevin concentrated on rimming the panda's black hole. It tasted slightly bitter at first, but Kevin's saliva soon washed that away. He dug his tongue as deep as he could while Wes panted and curled his toes.

"You're not trying to loosen me up, are you?" Wes said in between pants.

Kevin stopped licking. "No," he said, "my hole's been empty for too long. I just like rimming," then he went back to his ministrations. Wes groaned and fisted his erection.

After a few more minutes, he spoke again, "If you want that hole filled, you're going to have to stop. I'm young, but I'm not that young."

Kevin lowered his legs and licked Wes's tip, a bead of precum had formed there. He retrieved a nearly empty bottle of lube from one of his desk drawers, handed it to Wes, and rolled over onto his belly. He propped himself up on his knees and arched his back. The bottle of lube snapped open and Kevin reached back and spread his cheeks wide. He buried his face in the musty carpet and closed his eyes.

Why was he doing this? Yes, he was horny, and yes it had felt good to suck a cock again, rim an asshole, but there was something missing. There was no feeling behind it. He was flying on autopilot.

The more he thought about it, the less he was interested in Wesley's company. He was a nice enough guy, easy on the eyes and, so far, talented in bed; but there was no depth to their interaction. Still, here he was, spreading his ass for him on the floor of his office, waiting to be lubed up.

He heard Wesley's hand working lube across his shaft. He wiggled his butt invitingly. Maybe it didn't mean anything and maybe it wouldn't satisfy emotionally, but a cock was a cock. After coming this far, he wasn't giving up until he got what he'd been promised.

Finally, Wes's slick fingers teased his asshole. Two fingers circled like water in a drain. When they reached the middle, one of them insistently pushed forward. Kevin's anus stretched to accommodate it without complaint. It slid across his prostate and he pushed back until it was buried completely.

"Eager aren't we?" Wes said, amused.

"Just put a little more lube on me and fuck me," Kevin said. His voice was muffled by the carpet, but he knew Wes heard him. The panda ignored him and continued using his finger. Kevin let go of his cheeks so he could push himself up with his hands. He was going to make a more insistent demand when Wes brought his open palm down on his rump with a loud thump.

"Stay down there, Daddy," he said, "You'll get my cock when I'm good and ready for it. He'd said 'Daddy' with unmistakable emphasis, but it was a playful jibe. Kevin subsided and Wes sped up his hand. He crooked the finger so it hit more forcefully on his prostate and Kevin sighed.

"Would you please put your cock in me," Kevin breathed. Wes slapped his other cheek, but Kevin could feel him getting into position. He still hadn't removed his finger when Kevin felt Wes's slimy cock on his anus. He pressed it against the ring as if trying to get them both in, though Kevin wasn't relaxed enough for that to happen without pain. Still, the extra pressure felt nice.

Then, without warning, the finger disappeared, replaced with a throbbing erection without breaking rhythm. It plunged to the root in one motion, wider than the finger had been by a factor of at least two, but it felt so good stretching him. He moaned involuntarily and pressed back, trying to get every centimeter to be had. Wes gave him another smack on the ass.

"You're a good little bottom, you know that? You really do love taking cock."

Kevin didn't answer him. Wes's attitude was becoming irritating. Just because he wanted to get fucked didn't mean he didn't care how it happened. Still, that cock felt good. He matched Wes's rhythm and preened at the sound of his breath growing short.

"What an ass," Wes panted. His fingers dug into Kevin's hips and he revved up his thrusts, wrenching Kevin towards him as he pounded his hips forward. Kevin gave up trying to match his rhythm and just went with it. His belly swung with every thrust, batting against his cock, his balls followed the same motion, slapping into his shaft every time his belly moved away.

His hand snaked between his hanging belly and his thighs and found his hard, leaking cock. He started stroking, working his foreskin back and forth over the sensitive head. Between the cock in his ass and the cock in his hand, his orgasm was building.

Wes's thrusts flagged and his rhythm became ragged, which threw off Kevin's. He groaned in frustration as he felt his orgasm fade. He took over the rhythm, pushed himself up with his hands to get better leverage.

"Something wrong?" Kevin said between pants.

"Fucking is hard work," Wes said. He sat back on his haunches while he kept his hands on Kevin's waist guiding him down and keeping them connected. Kevin readily took over, driving his ass into Wes's hips. Every time he dropped down, he felt their scrotums touch and peel apart as he rose again.

The orgasm that had been building was lost, but there was more where it came from. He held himself up with one hand and used the other to jerk off again. It was a much tighter fit between his belly and his thigh in that position with less room to stroke, but he made the best of what he had. Wes reached around and squeezed his nipples as if he were trying to express milk. Kevin moaned appreciatively and added a roll to his hips that brought Wes's cock more in line with his prostate.

"I'm getting close," Wes said after a moment. "You have the most incredible ass." Kevin wasn't close himself, but he instinctively dropped his cock so he could put both hands on the ground and redouble his efforts to pleasure Wes.

"Oh yeah, fuck yourself on me," Wes grunted.

Kevin felt his hands on his shoulders, his fingers digging into the soft fatty flesh. Wes wrenched him back while thrusting his own hips forward with all his strength.

"Here it comes." He slammed in once, twice and then stiffened. He gave a series of strangled grunts as Kevin felt the warm, wet flood of semen. For a moment he held himself upright, every muscle tensed as if to help his ejaculate penetrate deeper into Kevin and then, all at once, he collapsed.

Kevin held his weight easily, but it kept both his hands occupied. The second orgasm that had been building was gone, but the ache of desire remained. He longed to reach down and finish himself, but he was afraid that if he shifted, Wes would fall out and he would lose the added stimulation. In a few moments the point would be moot, but still he hesitated.

The choice was taken from him soon enough. Wes slipped out, soft and at the same time he slid backwards, removing his weight from Kevin.

He patted Kevin's rump and said, "just what I needed." He stood and walked to his clothes. Kevin watched him, noting again how pleasing he was to the eye, his roundness and softness and his proportions. He picked up his pants, perfectly showing off his round ass. Kevin stopped watching and stood himself. Wes glanced back at him.

"Didn't cum?" he asked and tugged his shirt into place. Kevin didn't reply. He slipped into his chair and glanced at the blank document on his screen. How alike it was to himself.

Wes, as if sensing Kevin's mood, took his leave with a deferential nod, his shoes in hand.

What was wrong with him? He would have liked to blame Wes, but it didn't satisfy. He could have been more considerate, that was true, but Kevin could equally have been more assertive. There was no reason he couldn't have insisted on his own pleasure instead of allowing Wes to control everything. There had been plenty of room for him to insert his own desires. Instead he had been completely passive.

There had been no spark, but that was an excuse, really. There had never been a spark, he hadn't expected a spark. Perhaps he had hoped for one despite himself. Love and sex are hardly the domain of rationality.

So he sat there, naked in his office, staring at a blank page and trying to self-analyze and making no progress. He didn't know what he wanted beyond a wish for the hole left in his life by Herbert to be filled by something, anything. He felt such a fool, he had ignored the problem for so long, had spent so much time pretending it wasn't real. It was as if he thought that keeping as much distance from Herbert's absence as possible, by keeping his things in constant sight, by refusing to convert his office from a two man office to a one and keeping his things in the bedroom the same, that he could deny that such a hole existed.

Clearly that was not the case.

He had found something in Herbert, something real and that thing was gone. Not even a shadow of it remained.

He pressed the power button on the monitor and stood. He felt Wes's cum, now liquified, escape his still-stretched anus and run down his legs, but he ignored it. He dressed without care and began the trek down the stairs.

Kevin gently closed the front door of his apartment behind him. He paused and listened for signs of company. Satisfied he was alone, he headed for his room. Once safe in his private space, he stripped off his clothes and drew a bath; as hot as he could stand. The tub was deep and wide, designed for two large persons to sit in comfortably.

Kevin stretched out easily, closed his eyes, and waited for the water to climb its way over him. He tried not to think, to keep his mind clear and just concentrate on the sensation of the hot water creeping over his flesh and seeping into his fur. It lapped ever so gently, disturbed only by the faucet waterfall. In some places it almost tickled, flowing back and forth, lightly drawing his fur this way and that.

He opened his eyes and watched, with some unexplainable pleasure, when his penis began to float in the water, buoyed up further by his scrotum, let slack by the heat of the water. He had to crane his neck and peer over his belly to see it, but it was well worth the slight stretch.

As the water drew ever higher, he closed his eyes again and leaned back, spreading himself as wide as he could in a vain effort to float. The water covered his belly, then his chest then shoulders. It tickled his chin and he cracked his eyes to see the water level nearing the lip of the tub. He took a breath and dropped below the surface.

He opened his eyes. The water was clear. He saw his fur floating, each follicle floating alone, single strands of seaweed on a rock. Above was the ceiling of water, slightly distorting everything above it. It seemed so solid and for a moment he imagined himself a fish, a creature of this strange medium with that ceiling a very real wall that could only be broken for a moment as he leapedto swallow a water bug. For just a moment he would be in a strange new world he moved through so easily before plunging back down into the thick, comforting water.

Which was he? The fish with the fleeting moment of freedom and joy before plunging back into the reality of heavy water pressing in on all sides, or was he the man holding his breath underwater, waiting for buoyancy to bring his head back above water. Did he perhaps have a choice in the matter? Could the man become fish or the fish become man? Had his time with Herbert been nothing more than the momentary leap from the morass of life, or was it only a matter of him holding his head underwater in his grief?

His lungs began to complain. He helpfully expelled a stream of small bubbles from his nose and watched then rise to that ceiling where they forced themselves against it, pushing it up and making space for themselves before exploding.

The tub was overflowing now. Kevin watched the stream as it disappeared over the side. Just a thin sheet of water, stretching as far as it could before gravity cruelly tore it from its fellows and threw it to the ground. There was hope for that water though, at least. Time would bring it fellows and it would form another pool.

His lungs began threatening to pull in air despite the complete lack of air around them. Kevin contemplated giving in to that urge. The surface was only an inch away, it would be so easy to press his nose above and draw it in, but nothing said he had to. He could just as easily suck the water into his lungs, ignore that inch of space. He had that power, the power to chose life or death for himself and it would be so easy. Pulling enough water in his lungs meant that no matter how his body tried, it would never be able to expel enough to get the air it needed.

Kevin sat up and drew air into his lungs. He turned off the water and sat back. The overflow drain gulped down the excess water and he felt the water level creep down his body. He reached for the soap.